Two G's in a Pod

Two G’s in a Pod

Chapter 7: Long Goodbye's

By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca

"That was pretty fun, right?"

Will gave Don a look, shaking his head before looking forward again. The town was now in sight and they took their time walking in, savoring what they just accomplished together. The cryptic messages they received on their phones was more than just creepy, but now was a time for celebration. Pessimism and paranoia could wait until later. While Will was just happy to make it out alive, Don's mind however was focused solely on collecting the reward they'd receive. Two and a half thousand bits were waiting for them, begging to be taken.

Their arrival within the town didn't go unnoticed though, and they were soon swarmed from all sides by both ponies and dogs alike. Cheers, whoops and other sounds of endearment filled the air, along with them as they were hauled upwards and paraded around. Much to their approval, various congratulations and other results of their success were heard just as much. In fact, one in particular caught both of their eyes. Mica stood before a line of a dozen or so ponies, getting bits handed to her by the sacksful.

Don hopped off a dog along with Will and walked up to the mare, who grinned at them, "You know, everypony bet entirely against you guys except for me and a few others like Mr. Abernathy or Dropatini."

"Dropatini? She betted on us?" Don asked, completely taken by surprise.

"Yup! We're getting our share in bits right now, thanks to you guys!"

Will opened his mouth to say something, but was rudely cut off by a certain stallion, "Mother of Celestia! You two've returned, and with the artifact, I hope!" Sir Silver Tongue trotted to the group, speaking over the loud chatter of the crowd, "Did you retrieve it? Is it in your hooves at this very moment?"

Don smiled smugly, "Hey Will, you feeling up to getting something to eat first?"

Silver Tongue was about to protest before Will returned the favor of what he did earlier, "You know what? Yeah, I could for something. Especially after all that."

"So it's decided!" Mica shouted. "Come on, let's head to my house and I'll whip up something nice for you two!"

The Canterlot aristocrat looked between the three as they walked away, shocked that they'd just played off the request in such a way. Still, he had to admit he had a twinge of respect for them, seeing as though the two somehow survived all of what he heard existed down in the Deep Mines. For now, Sir Silver Tongue just followed behind, waiting until he could finally receive the artifact he had been longing for years. Though he didn't know what to think of those two, he knew they were fairly useful now.

SCENE BREAK

Will forked another clump of angel cake into his mouth, "Jesus, this is some damn fine food."

Don nodded from across the table, chowing down on some lasagna, "I fuckin' love me some lasagna. You want some?"

"Never tried it." Will stated, "Pass me some."

There was a jaw dropping moment as Don heard the words "WHAT? You fucking serious? You've never tried it?" He shook his head, "Jesus, Will. It's easy as fuck to make.'

The brunette man shook his outstretched plate angrily, "Pile it on, bitch tits!"

A large steaming clump of lasagna landed with a plop on Will's plate. He ignored the disapproving looks from Don and scrounged down on the cheesy mess. There was a complimentary nod, "Not bad. Mica, you heated this up?"

The unicorn in question nodded from the head of the table, "Obviously. It's my own recipe too. Can't be beaten."

"I hate to interrupt you two, but I would appreciate at least seeing the artifact." Silver Tongue added with a touch of annoyance.

Don clicked his tongue in distaste, "Impatient as fuck." He rooted through the pack at his feet and removed the small chest, opening it and swiveling it atop the table to face Silver Tongue, "Happy now?"

The equestrian reared his head back in amazement as the vase's dull glow wafted out of the chest, tantalizing the greedy pony, "Oh sweet Celestia...That's really it! After all these years!"

Will snatched the chest away as Silver Tongue reached for it, "Not so fast, Sea Biscuit. You get it when we get the money."

"Fine, fine! Two thousand bits!"

There was some rummaging as Silver Tongue lifted several large, cloth bags onto the table. The jingle of the money within was easily heard, but Don sat back in his seat, unimpressed, "Where's the other five hundred?"

Silver Tongue's eyebrows shot up in feigned disbelief, "Five hundred? What are you talking about?"

Slamming his knife into the table, Don stood up and pointed a bony finger at Silver Tongue, "I know a guy like you. My friend's cousin." He looked over at Will, "You remember that cheap ass motherfucker?"

Will nodded grimly and stood up, snatching the vase from its confines, "Damn right I do. Scum of the earth. Really deserves to get his."

The younger man's knife was still in his hands as he hissed the last syllables, but Silver Tongue continued with the charades, "Gentlemen, please! Be rational!"

Will stepped around the table, tossed the knife onto it, and opened the front door, ignoring Mica's yells from behind him. A large crowd was still waiting outside and Will raised the vase high into the air, letting the changing colors dazzle the collected audience. He yelled out into the streets.

"Sir Silver Tongue has decided to swindle us again! So, who wants these nice pretty vase? Free of charge!"

Screams and shouts of wanting came from the crowd and Will seemed about to hand it off when Silver Tongue relented and pulled him back inside "Stop that!" He huffed loudly. "Fine, yes, another five hundred. It will take some time, but you'll have it."

As Will headed back inside, Don accidentally elbowed his backpack, knocking the eyeball out from inside. The two ponies watched it stare back at them as it rolled across the table, bouncing off of the sides of pitchers and other containers. It teetered over the edge and fell right into Don's hand as he plopped it back onto the place where Mica ate, a squishing sound being made in the process. He held it up to his face and moved it in random directions, with the eye following each movement and still staring at him.

Instead of being thoroughly disturbed, Don smiled in interest, "Cool. It likes me."

Silver Tongue swallowed, finding his throat suddenly parched, "I-Is that what I t-think it is..?"

"I don't believe it..." Mica added, "How? How did you two get that?"

Will sat down at his seat and set the vase back into the chest, "What? The eye?" They both nodded furiously, "This guy took it when a rock hit that centipede and crushed its head."

Don didn't take his eyes off the ocular orb in his hands, "Splat."

Silver Tongue grabbed a handkerchief from his breast pocket and immediately began patting away a sweat build-up. His mind was reeling at the thought that they had actually survived an encounter with the only thing that could produce that eye, let alone kill it. Mica was feeling different however, and an immense sense of relief and gratitude overcame her. She got off of her chair and pulled both of them into a hug, squeezing tighter than they thought possible from the small equines.

"Thank you both so much..." The mare whispered, "This means so much to me."

While Silver Tongue was still trying to grasp the concept in front of him, Will returned the hug, "Why?"

Mica cleared her throat and sat back down, smiling slightly, "Well, that thing you killed was the Perennialpede. It controlled the Deep Mines for decades and killed anypony who went down by manipulating the environment with its powers." A twinge of solemnness showed up on her face, "You saw the ghosts, right? They attacked you?"

Don turned pale at the memory, "Yeah..."

"Don't blame them. It wasn't their fault. I guess they got so crazy from their souls being held there by the Perennialpede that they wanted to sap the life from anything they could get their hooves on."

"But what does this have to do with us getting the eye?" Will asked, somewhat intrigued.

She sighed, "My parents were in that group of ghosts too..." The room's air turned awkward and melancholy, "They went down there for the rescue and didn't come back, and I knew what happened to ponies who got stuck down there and died. That thing forced them to serve it in that limbo and-and I just want to thank you two for killing it." Mica smiled, looking on the verge of tears now, "Really, you did something I can't ever pay you back for."

Don extended his hand, presenting the eye to her, "Want it? You can have it if you want."

Mica wiped at her eyes, "No, I'd rather not. I just want to put ever having to think about that thing behind me now."

"Though," Silver Tongue began, still eyeing it with saucer eyes, "I would be willing to buy that as well."

Will gave him a confused look, "Really? What's so important about the eye of a centipede?"

The director's head snapped to him immediately, "What! How could you even ask that? It's the eye of a Perennialpede! Do you realize how rare a creature those are? They nearly never step within the boundaries of Equestria and only populate the deepest and darkest caverns! The fact you slayed it is an intoxicating mystery in itself, but I won't look a gift pony in the mouth. I offer seven hundreds bits for the eye."

Don turned to Mica, "What do you think? Good deal?"

She nodded, "It's an exceptionally rare occurrence for a Perennialpede to be found or killed, but you guys somehow did it." Mica turned to the stallion nearby, "You pay them that, and credit them for each of their 'donations' in the museum on the plaque with the description."

Too eager to refuse, Silver Tongue quickly spoke, "Yes, yes, credit, all that. Agreed then? Seven hundred for the eye, twenty-five hundred for the artifact?"

Both humans stood up and shook his hoof, with Will speaking, "I think we have a deal. Nice doing business with you."

Don smirked, "Oh yes, the very lucrative kind of business."

"Splendid!" Silver Tongue teleported a large bag of bits and counted off how many would be needed to add to the current amount on the table. He quickly calculated it with his magic, followed by Mica, and teleported his sack of gold away. The director aligned his hat with a wide smile and readjusted his monocle accordingly, "I do believe we're done. If either of you are in Canterlot, stop by. I'm sure the visitors won't mind seeing the two explorers who found these rare pieces." He lit his horn, preparing a teleportation spell for himself back to Canterlot, "Oh, and if you find any more items of interest, do feel free to contact me so we can work some sort of deal out." He gave a polite nod to all of them, "I bid you adieu." A flash of light later, he was gone.

Don riffled through the cloth sacks filled to the brim with bits, "This is so dope. We're rolling in it."

He chuckled to himself, and soon the trio got to celebrating as well. And for that night and many others, times seemed to go by quicker than they imagined.

SCENE BREAK

One Month Later…

Will clasped the glowing martini in one hand, joint smoldering between his fingertips as he stared out of the private viewing box with bloodshot eyes, leaning forward in his seat, obviously very concentrated on the play occurring in front of him. He squinted through the hazy blue smoke and smiled absentmindedly, sipping politely on his magic-infused drink.

"That guy doing the sword play is amazing."

Next to him, Don was puffing away on his own joint, his drink nearly finished. He nodded slowly in agreement to Will's observation, "Parry, thrust, parry, thrust."

Will blew air noisily out of his lips, "Counter! Hit!"

The two men pretended to have been struck by a rapier and squirmed in their seats jokingly. Eventually the fit subsided and they went back to watching. Several minutes passed and two more drinks were poured from a large bottle. The curtains swung forward and covered the stage. Realizing that the intermission period had come, Will clapped loudly and boisterously, quickly followed by Don.

The audience below dissipated and journeyed out for snacks and beverages while some remained seated, preferring to relax and keep their seats for the moment. Will looked over at Don, "So this is it, huh?"

Don swirled the drink around in his glass, thinking over what Will said, "I guess so. I think we've just about become made men in this little town of Somewhere, you know?"

There was hum of agreement, "I'm with you on that. You think that there’s more to see? More to do?"

"Yeah. We've done everything there is to do here. Maybe we should go around and see more of this damn place. We got the money to do it."

Will sipped at his drink, “Let’s go see Mica and ask if she knows any places.”

"Ight, I'm down for that. But is it too late to see her? Or is she here in the theatre?"

Will threw his hands up, "It's only like eleven. She's probably at home."

Don took another sip, laughing a little from the magic, "Coolio, when you wanna go?"

"When the stars align. Nah, just playing. Let's peace out now."

Don emptied his glass straight into his mouth and grabbed his backpack, "Word, I'm starting to not like this the more I remember that I didn't get the lead part."

There was a laugh, "You can't act for shit. Let's go.”

The duo left the private box and headed down a hallway towards a flight of stairs. After they reached the bottom and left through the side-entrance, Don passed by a young couple that Will definitely recognized. The stallion looked away, looking embarrassed while his female friend glared at the younger human.

Don snorted in amusement and handed the key to the private box to the mare, "Go and do something in there; you're welcome."

Before either pony could react, the two were already walking away. The trip to Mica's house was short, but it didn't matter all that much. At least, not as much as it would have. In the remote town of Somewhere, it was already the beginning of Spring. Due to this, the mountains passes that were blocked by insufferable amounts of snow were unblocked, due to the breezy, dry weather. Neither man required a jacket and simply walked around in clothing made by the tailor near their apartment.

In a few minute's time, they had arrived and knocked, waiting for an answer. The familiar sound of clambering hooves along with Mica shouting something became a regular thing recently for the two, with them visiting the mare relatively often. She swung open the door and smiled broadly.

"Hey, you two! What're you guys doing here so late?"

Don leaned against the door frame, "Just came to talk. Mind if we come in?"

"We have a few questions and you're the only one who knows this general region well enough to give us the answers," Will added.

Mica stepped aside, "Sure! Come on in!" As the two humans walked inside, she felt herself wonder what it was they wanted to ask, "So, you guys got any specific questions or are you just shooting for general ones?"

Don bobbed his head from the right to the left and right several times for emphasis, "Weeeelllll... We sort of want to leave Somewhere and go around this place."

The answer hit Mica hard, but she concealed it beneath a forced smile "Oh, well, yeah. I could give you some directions." She pointed a hoof at the kitchen table "Grab a seat while I go rustle up some maps."

The friends thanked her and took their respective seats, Will stared in surprise at his companion "I thought she'd be upset."

Don shrugged, "Maybe she doesn't like us after all."

The two men shared a disbelieving chuckle as Mica searched her own private study. She could hear them laughing and talking as friends would, but they seemed far too at ease with their decision to leave and it wounded her even more. She wasn't one to make close friends often and those two strange diamond dogs were certainly her best ones. Leaving Somewhere meant probably never returning. The terrain was rough and the cities had compelled more than one traveler to stay instead of returning. Of course, her two friends saying they were leaving soon was only adding to the already terrible night for the unicorn. Mica shook her head and pulled a large sheaf of papers from a writing desk before heading back to the dining room.

She levitated the papers over and Will grabbed one at random, unfolding it casually. The bickering lines of longitude and latitude confused him so he set it down and gave Mica a moment to get organized. She seemed slightly flustered, cheeks colored and telekinesis seemingly shaky. She kept dropping the maps and muttering apologies under her breath until she finally took a seat and dropped her head with a loud sigh.

Both men noticed, though Don was the first to say anything, "You alright? Something wrong?"

Will added to the questioning, "Yeah, you seem...off."

There was a long pause before Mica broke out into rapid speech, "It's just that there was this colt and he said some stuff and I can stand up for myself you know, but I just couldn't find the words, and you guys are leaving all of a sudden, and, and..."

Her voice trailed off until Don spoke up again, eyes icy, "Where does this dude live?"

There was a mumbled address and Will scrawled it down casually before stepping around the table and laying his hands on Mica's shoulders, "Just calm down. Don and I forgot that we had to talk to Dropatini before coming here so we'll be back in a bit. Stay put."

"Yeah," Don added, "Just chill out here for a bit."

And then they left, Will handing Don the address as they marched down the street, fingers tingling.

SCENE BREAK

Several minutes later, the two humans were walking into Madame Dropatini's nightclub, trying to remain inconspicuous. They didn't really attract much attention other than a few greetings from friends, but remained unnoticed for the most part. Will sat at a stool while Don went behind the counter, eyeing around the club for their target.

"Isn't it your day off?"

Don was broken from his searching by another bartender, a certain mare named Smooth Malt. She was a chocolaty brown color with an abundantly curly mane that was just a shade lighter in comparison to her coat. She was currently shaking up a drink, smiling at her coworker innocently. Don looked around for a second more before meeting her eyes.

"Yeah. We're looking for someone."

"Who?"

Will pulled out a piece of paper with writing on it, "Guy's name is Rocky Head. Pink coat, orange mohawk, Earth pony. Dad's a mining magnate who does business with the town."

Smooth Malt's face went sour, "Oh. Him."

Don made himself and Will a drink, "Don't like him much?"

She poured the drink she was shaking into a glass and passed it to a pony waiting nearby, "No one does, but we only tolerate him because of his dad. The Madame hates him though, a lot. Only reason she allows him in is because she doesn't want to hurt business between Somewhere and other towns." Malt began working on another drink, grabbing glasses and another, clean container, "He always acts like a real jerk and stuff, too! Hits on the mares even if they're with a stallion! Him and his friend are getting too darn much."

"Where are these guys?" Will asked, getting to the point.

She nodded her head to his left, "See for yourself."

Will looked back towards an area with dance cages and raised platforms. There were two stallions, one fitting the description and the other an olivey pegasus with a neon green mane, sitting at a lounge area with several, uncomfortable mares near them. The females obviously didn't want to be anywhere near the two, but forced themselves to stay regardless. The two humans finished their drinks and headed over to investigate.

Both Will and Don sat down at the booth next to the group, listening in. The two stallions shooed away the mares temporarily, wanting to talk to themselves for a few minutes.

"Yeah, so I see this one bitch who looked pretty damn good an hour or two ago, and the craziest thing happened."

"What? She bit you?"

"No! I can't remember that dumb cunt's name... Think it was Riga or Miga or some stupid shit like that."

"So what of her?"

"Right, I take her over at the back like I usually do with the mares, you know? I 'persuade' her a bit, and line myself up on her. Right as I'm about to bust into her, she starts squirming and goes nuts! Starts shouting like she's scared, has this really weird look on her face and tries to buck me away. So I slapped her."

Don bit his bottom lip, barely able to hold the need to hurt that stallion in. Will was no different as he gripped the table, trying not to lose his cool just yet. The stallion continued.

"Bitch ran away after that and I didn't see her again. Stupid of her. Would've made it the best night of her pathetic excuse of a life, too."

"Now?" Will hissed.

"Now," his friend confirmed.

The two stood up from their seats and went to the table next to them, standing in front of the two perpetrators. The stallions gave them questioning looks before laughing.

"Ugh, I knew they let those smelly mutts into the town to work the mines, but I didn't think they'd let the ones this ugly into it!"

"The fuck did you say, bitch?" Don asked, planting a palm on the table with more force than needed. "Because all I heard was you talking shit about our friend."

Will narrowed his eyes at the two, "We don't like what you've done or what you've said."

The other stallion, the friend, guffawed loudly, "HAH! And what're you two gonna do about it?"

"Get the fuck up now."

The first stallion nodded his head and stood, "No problem with me, mutt."

His friend followed immediately and there was a sudden silence in the club. No sound, not even any music, was heard. Both pairs stared off, waiting for some non-verbal signal to begin the inevitable. That signal was heard universally when one of the stallions smashed a bottle of whisky against the table with his teeth, holding it menacingly.

Don patted his buddy's arm, keeping his eyes on his enemies, "Which one you want?"

"Which do you want?"

"The bitch."

"Both of them?"

"Yeah."

And then the pair of humans threw themselves forward. Will slammed his weight into the green pegasus and Don followed suit on his own target. The bar erupted with yells and cheers as the fight started and soon fists and hooves were flying. Will had been in two fights his entire life, both to protect his ego. One he had lost badly, but the other he had won. Still, it didn't make him much of a fighter but there was a darkness coursing through his veins now, something which clotted his blood and made his vision darken.

His opponent threw a hoof at his face, connecting with Will's jaw, but the human barely noticed and instead of retreating, he tackled the pegasus onto the table behind him, slamming a fist down into his mouth, chipping a tooth and splitting a lip. Behind him, Don was holding his own against the magnate's son, having disarmed the arrogant youth of his makeshift weapon. Both were sporting bruises, but Don wasn't feel much of anything. He could hear his heart beating rapidly, pushing adrenaline through his veins as he directed an elbow into the stallion's face, shattering his once-pristine appearance. All around the bar ponies were yelling, cheering for the humans to teach the two youths a lesson. It was at that point that things turned deadly serious.

Will had ripped the .38 revolver out from under his belt and brought it down on the pegasus' chest sharply, eliciting a loud gasp as the sternum bruised badly. Next the weapon found itself being slammed against the stallion's face. Will's eyes were wild and his medallion was swinging with the blows as he brought the weapon's handle and body against the face of his opponent again and again, cracking his jaw, splitting skin, breaking his nose, bloodying his face. Soon there were cries for mercy, but Will was having none of it and he pulled the pegasus from atop the table and deposited him on the floor where he began stomping on his chest, stomach, breaking his wings, fracturing ribs. It wasn't long before the insulting offender was nearly unconscious, laying in a pool of his own blood, but still alive as evidenced by his fluttering eyelids and quiet gasps of pain. Will knelt down and seized the pegasus by the hair, pointing a finger at his face.

"I could fucking kill you, man!" He slammed a fist into the already mutilated face "If you ever come around here again or bother my friend, I’m gonna cut a hole in your fuckin' throat and look for the words 'I'm sorry!' inside! You understand me, motherfucker?"

Will brought back the pistol one last time and drove it into the pegasus' face, knocking him unconscious before standing to watch Don fight the other stallion. For the magnate's son, his own arrogance and cockiness had blocked him from seeing that he was fighting a creature nearly double his size, a creature which was fueled by rage. Don brought his arm up, knocking the stallion onto his hind legs, and drove a fist into the soft underbelly which was undoubtedly filled with alcohol. The stallion doubled over as the wind was knocked out of him, but Don wasn't giving him any chance to steady himself. There was a loud snap as the fist connected with the bridge of a nose, snapping it cleanly and sending a spray of blood outwards. Don ignored the substance spraying onto his face and, in his rage, grabbed the stallion, turned, and slammed him onto the ground with a throw.

Both humans were there at that point. Boots connected with exposed ribs, a soft stomach, legs, and a face with a painful expression. Every time the men found an open spot, they attacked with their feet and their hands, Don getting down on one knee, hammering away with the heel of his hands. The stallion would attempt to cover his stomach, but would leave his face exposed, allowing the duo to bring their fury down upon the open surface. It went like that for some time until a crowd pulled the men away, but it didn't end there. Will and Don ripped away from the hooves grabbing at them and attacked the moaning stallion again.

Screaming was filling the bar now. There was no more cheering. Blood was pooling onto the dance floor, tables had been broken, bottles lay shattered, and still the men attacked. Eventually they were pulled away, but Don screamed out at the barely-conscious stallion who was lying on his side, face swollen and bleeding.

The Madame walked out from behind the bar, rushing over to the two stallions and looking back at the two humans, "WHAT DID YOU DO?! ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Don looked at her and gave a grunt of disgust, "I quit, by the way." Don spat at his opponents, dislodging some blood from his mouth, "If you tattle to your dad about this and hurt the economy of this town, we'll be back for both of you, and it won't be pretty in the fucking least."

Will nodded, “Watch yourselves.”

They ended their talking there and left, leaving behind the ponies staring in a mix of shock and fear. Pushing open the doors, Don wiped away some blood on his face with his arm. Neither said anything as they headed back to Mica’s house, that is, until Will broke the silence.

“Did we go too far just now? Why did we get so violent?”

“Blame it on the drinks.” Don muttered, too tired to think of another reason.

And so they continued onwards, bleeding slightly and wanting to sleep. It was quite the interesting night for them.

SCENE BREAK

Will opened the door to the house, stepping inside and greeting the mare within alongside Don, “Hey Mica. You have a bathroom here?”

She stared at them wordlessly, a look of surprised horror on her face. The two humans were battered quite a bit, with bruises and cuts lying all over them. Blood was splattered on their bodies and they looked as if their energy was near depleted at this point. She already knew what they had done, and her current feelings faded away, only to be replaced by another bout of gratitude.

Mica smiled softly and pointed to a hallway nearby, “Second door on the left.”

“Thanks,” Don said as they walked into the bathroom.

The water spilled out from the faucet. Will and Don ran their hands under the cool water and watched as the dried blood was washed off and into the basin, revealing the split knuckles and bruised skin. Neither man said anything in the way back to Mica's nor had they said anything to her as they simply opened the door and entered her bathroom, ignoring her startled looks as they passed her by in the hallway, still bloody and bruised. Don slowly picked up a damp hand towel and ran it over his face and hands.

Will set the .38 pistol on the sink's edge. Blood covered its chrome body and laminated black handle. It was quickly run under the water and Will took the extra time to clean the five bullets left. He shoved them back into the cylinder and spun it, listening to the clicks as it spun around. He stared at the mirror and the tired reflection in it.

"I could have killed him. I think I could have killed them, Don."

Don set his now pinkish hand towel down, "Me too."

"Don," Will said quietly, "That pegasus will never look the same. Should I feel bad?"

"No."

Will nodded slowly and turned, leaving the bathroom with Don as he pushed past the swinging door.

When Mica saw them as they were about to sit down at the table, she hopped up and tackled them to the floor. Will had the wind knocked out of him while Don winced, grunting loudly as his back collided with the hardwood floor. For a pony, her death-hug was surprisingly powerful, made more intriguing by the fact Earth ponies were meant to be the strongest equine race.  She squeezed tightly, her embrace nearly choking her friends.

Don returned the hug, barely ripping his arms free, "What's with the hug?"

Will, however, actually felt a moistness on his shirt, "Are you crying?" She nodded, her muzzle rubbing against him, "Why?"

Mica sniffled and got off of them, letting both get up and sit down along with her at the table, "You guys... I don't know what to say. You guys are such good friends to me, doing what you did... I've only known you guys for like, over a month and I just can't!"

Don looked at Will in confusion, "Can't what?"

"Say bye," she mumbled, "I know you guys wanna see the rest of the world, but I'm gonna miss you guys soooo much. Can't you guys stay?"

Will shook his head tiredly, "No, we need to find answers."

"Ones we can't get here," Don added, "Besides, we'll be back."

"You're just saying that to spare my feelings..." Mica replied dejectedly.

"No, we're going to come back. Promise." Will smiled, trying to get the mare to return it.

She did after a long pause and sniffled, "Well, I suppose you two want to get this info now. But if you don't mind me asking, why do you guys wanna leave Somewhere?"

Don rested on a fist, "To find a way back home." He frowned, contemplating whether or not telling the truth was the best option, "Let me ask you something, Mica. Have you ever heard of a 'human'?"

"Well, yeah, but that's because of a friend in Canterlot who studied the myths at the university there."

"Alright, let me put this bluntly." He gestured to himself and Will, "We're humans."

"W-What?"

Will shrugged broadly and sat up, "Don and I are humans." He extended and contracted his fingers for good measure, "It's really not that big of a deal."

Mica's jaw dropped, "N-Not a big deal? NOT A BIG DEAL?! THAT'S TOTALLY A BIG DEAL!" Her head landed on the table, "I can't believe I didn't notice this earlier..."

Don patted her shoulder, "Listen, we need to find a way back home. That's why we have to leave Somewhere, so we can find answers."

"Home? You guys aren't from Equestria?"

There was a shrug from Will, "Nope. Don's a dirty capitalist and I'm a socialist-anarchist mix."

Don scoffed, "That's not even fuckin' possible."

"B-But what does that even mean?! Why can't you two just tell me this straight?"

"Because," Will began, "You wouldn't understand."

"Of course I would!" She shouted, "Just because I'm a mare doesn't mean I can't understand this kind of stuff!"

Will looked at Don in confusion, "Did you hear that right? Just because she's a mare doesn't mean she can't understand?"

Don looked at Mica, "Wait, what the hell does that matter? It's not like we think you're unintelligent or something."

Mica slammed her hoof down onto the table, "Then tell me!"

Hands now up and in a slightly mocking stance, Will spoke "We're humans. What more is there to tell?"

"From where?!"

“Does it matter?” Will asked innocently.

"YES!"

Don slammed his fist down, "FUCK THAT! I PLEAD THE FIFTH!" He turned to Will and whispered into his ear, "I don't think you can plead the Fifth, you're not an American citizen."

"So, like, I don't know what to plead." Will's face took on a look of thoughtfulness, "I have the right to remain silent."

Mica let her head drop, sighing in exasperation, "Ugh... Why can't you just tell me?"

Don sat back on his chair and took a sip of water, "What's there to say? We're humans from what's probably another planet."

Her head slowly lifted, looking blank and stoic, "Another planet?" They nodded, "I-I don't know what to say..."

Will stood up, having been seated on the floor, "OooOooooOooo! Don't say anything. We're actually ghosts of the long dead human race!"

Don began chanting random words, "OOOOoooOhhhoo! We're the split personality of Denzel Washington in a ghostly form! Fear our skills!"

Shock and fear coated Mica's face "W-what! Really?!"

Don began turning over furniture in her living room, "YES!"

Will, however, was spinning plates on his fingers, "OOOooohooooO!"

Mica stumbled off of her chair, face pale with fright "Oh, Celestia! G-ghosts! Ghosts!"

"WHY DO YOU THINK WILL IS SO PALE? WOOOOO!" Don shouted as he stacked several chairs on a coffee table.

"FUNNY," Will yelled back. "HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN OUR GHOSTLY HOWLS?"

The mare covered her head with her hooves, "Nononononono..."

Mica had curled into fetal position by the time Will was pretending to make snow angels on her kitchen table, "Freak to this motherfucker!"

Don was tearing the cushions off the couches and tossing them into the air, "Let's get it onnnn!"

It was at the point that Will leapt from the table and rolled himself up with the rug "If you don't wanna party," He began before running and sliding down the hallway, "Then yo ass gotta goooo!"

Don kept himself busy as well, and he readily climbed on top of the fridge, "We don't give a what, what!" He began throwing assorted fruits from up above, "WHAT!"

Will kicked himself free of the rug and stood up, raising his hand up to Don for a high five, "You feel good? I feel good.”

Don's hand met Will's with a loud slap, "Hell yeah I do!"

The older man climbed down from atop the fridge and joined Will in the dining room once again, looking down at the shaking Mica, "We're just kidding."

Mica stopped fidgeting as her eyes widened. She stared at them for a good minute before she snarled and shot a blast of magic at the two, "YOU IDIOTS!" It landed perfectly, hitting both of them and knocking them off of their feet. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT!"

Will was kicking out in humorous pain as the sparks of energy jumped about his chest, "Totally w-worth it!"

"Oh yeah." Don muttered, wincing as his body jerked several times, "S-So worth it."

Mica was about to deliver another but stopped herself short. She stared at the two, seeing that their antics were meant to be all in good fun. It took quite a bit of willpower, but she decided to be the bigger pony and see past their behavior.

"You two are so... ugh..."

The younger portion of the dynamic duo stood up shakily, knocking over the hastily built chair tower in the process, "Ugh?" He looked down at Don who was groaning under several wooden chairs, "Oh shit."

Will pushed the furniture off of his older friend and helped him to his feet, addressing Mica all the while, "As I was saying, ugh? If anything, I’m a meh."

Don brushed himself off, "I'm more of a 'oh fuck, oh fuck', you know?"

Mica glared at the two, "Why'd you guys keep this a secret from me for so long? I wouldn't have thought any different of you just because you aren't dogs or ponies."

"Yeah," Will looked over at Don "I'm sure the 'oh fuck, oh fuck' was going through your mind when that dude grabbed a handful of your ass." The young Canadian looked back over Mica, "It wasn't anything personal. We just didn't feel the need to say anything.'

Don frowned, "Better than being body-slammed into a wall and groped by a mouth, huh?" He turned his attention to the mare now, "Listen, it was better off if we didn't say shit because at least that way, we won't get treated like threats or outcasts. It worked out great in the end."

"I-I guess." Mica looked down, thinking, "... Well, I suppose you two want directions to another town, right?"

Will looked at his partner with a sad look on his face, "Yeah. We do."

Mica swallowed, sorting through papers quickly as she felt her eyes well up, "O-Okay... The two closest places are Dodge Junction to the South-West, and its forty miles away. Stalliongrad is to the east and is thirty miles away." She gave them a pleading sort-of look, "Do you guys really gotta go?"

Don nodded, "Kinda. We need to get back to our world."

There was reluctant, almost sullen agreement from Will, "We'll be back. Maybe a few months at most."

Mica sighed, "Still, I'll miss you guys. A lot." She gave a sad smile, "I know, I'm surprised too."

Don placed a hand on her shoulder, "Trust me, we'll be back before you know it. Can't abandon our first friend here."

Will did the same to Mica's opposite shoulder, "Too empathetic for that. We'll miss you too, but this is something we have to do. It's a road we have to walk. I don't know if the answers are at the end or not, but we're walking it regardless. For better or for worse."

Mica sniffled, wiping away some newly-formed tears, "No, no, I understand. You two need to do what you need to do. I just wish you'd told me earlier."

Don winced at her, not comfortable with seeing her emotions, "Listen, we have lives to get back to. We can't leave them behind, and we have to try and get back no matter what."

The Canadian released Mica from his grip and ran a hand over the back of his neck, "A few months at the maximum, alright? Besides, we'll send you postcards and, uh, that kind of stuff."

Mica continued with more sniffling, "Ugh, it's just so hard. You guys are like the best friends ever had, apart from the whole lying business."

Will protested that, "We didn't lie! We just dodge around the truth."

Don nodded, "Exactly, it's the system's fault for making us feel the need to do that. We most definitely are not to blame for anything."

She nodded, "Fine, fine... Which place do you two want to go to? Dodge Junction or Stalliongrad?"

"Dodge Junction," they both said simultaneously.

"Uh, what?"

Don shook his head, "No way in hell I'm going to place named after Stalingrad. Fuck Stalin."

"Word." Will added, "Greasy, icy Russians all up in your face, making sure you forget about the Ukrainians. Never forget, man. Never forget."

Mica didn't have a clue what the reference was, but she took it in stride, "Well, alright." She handed Don a map, "This is the route to Dodge Junction."

Don took it, "Thanks. So, time to get going?"

She looked at a clock and went deadpan, "It's past midnight."

The man shrugged, "At least we won't hit traffic."

Will grinned tiredly, "We better go. The 5-0 is gonna be asking around for us soon."

There was a small smile from Mica, "Thanks again for that."

"No problem." said both men simultaneously.

They kneeled down and hugged the mare, who still looked quite teary-eyed, "I'll miss you guys."

"Same." Don muttered.

"We'll be back, don't worry about that." Will added.

The two men stood up and entered the hallway before pausing at the door for one last hug. Mica was crying openly now, salty tears spilling down a usually tough visage. It had been a rough night for her. Will smiled and wished her well, Don following suit before stepping onto the darkened street. The two men turned and headed down the slope while Mica watched from the doorway, her shadow cast out over the cobblestones.

[SCENE BREAK]

Don and Will stripped off their bloodstained suits and shoved them into their mining backpacks which they had emptied out, ridding themselves of the equipment which they would no longer need. They were hurrying now, hands shoving spare clothes and provisions into the bags, pulling on their baggy mining clothing which was far more suited for traveling than a suit or tuxedo.

The .38 was tossed to Don who shoved it between his belt and lower back before pulling the bag over his shoulder. There was a loud knocking on the door and an unneeded, "Royal Guards! Open up you two!"

Will froze before backing up into the large window. He jumped at the impact and watched as don shoved a dresser in front of the door. The window broke with a loud smash and Will climbed through muttering curses as he cut himself before plummeting onto the small flowerbed below. Mr. Abernathy would have a fit. Don tossed down his backpack and lowered himself down before turning and joining Will as they jogged through the alleyway, eventually crossing several main streets before breaking out onto the grassy valley.

They slowed when they had crossed the expanse and climbed the hill tiredly, Don ripping the map from his pocket as he examined where to go. The light from his Blackberry helped to illuminate the paper and soon the duo was atop the hill, looking over yet another, rockier valley below. Will's phone buzzed loudly and he removed it hastily, checking the incoming text message.

"Achievement Unlocked - The Whole Wide World: You're about to set out on a journey with your best friend. It may take years for you to find the answers you seek, but never lose faith in each other. To help you on your journey, both your endurance levels have been raised. Good luck."

The same message soon originated on Don's phone. Both men were severely creeped out by the message, but even worse was the fact that they felt slightly stronger, no longer out of breath. Don looked over at his partner, "Who the fuck...Never mind, we need to double back and get the shit outta my car."

Will nodded, "Okay, alright. Let's fucking do this."

The two men ran towards the quarry, preparing to begin a journey which would prove to be the most difficult thing they had ever undergone.