Two G's in a Pod

Two G’s in a Pod

Chapter 8: Getting the Hell Into Dodge

By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca

The Blackberry indicated it was nearly two in the morning at this point, further evidenced by the lack of light. This in specific made it harder for either of the two humans to make much progress towards the car at the bottom of the quarry, but both continued, somewhat reluctantly. It wasn't until Don tripped, growling to himself, that someone decided to speak up about the current situation.

Will extended a hand, "We need some more light. The one on your phone isn't going to cut it."

"Ugh. Can't all this shit be so much simpler?" His phone vibrated loudly, making more noise than he'd like, "What now?"

"Achievement Unlocked - In the Land of the Blind: In your travels, there will be times that there is no natural light to provide you with warmth, comfort, and direction. Your medallion will substitute these and shine for you whenever you like, making it a valuable asset. From now on, you now have a flashlight that will never lose power and always show you the true way forward."

Will checked his own phone, "... What? Are you getting creeped out by this stuff too?"

"Hell yeah. Is someone watching and texting us or something?"

"I don't know... You think these are for real?"

Don gave him a look, "It's a text, nigga, not an enlightening message from an obscure prophet in another dimension. Probably nothing to actually worry about."

Will looked at the text again, rubbing the medallion with his right hand. A light began shining at his face, obscuring his vision. He winced and moved his head away.

"Don, get that shit out of my face."

The man in question was a few meters away, leaning against a tree, "Over here, bro."

Will looked down at the medallion and soon noticed that the bright light was coming from the mysterious piece of jewelry. He pocketed his phone and began turning over the necklace in his hands, trying to find some power source for it that would indicate how exactly it was shining. To add to that, there didn't seem to be any source of light either. The medallion simply glowed brightly of its own accord.

"You see this, man?"

"Yeah. I can see it on myself pretty well too." Will turned to Don to find a light, bright and shining warmly, at the back of his head, making it look like a sun itself. Don chuckled to himself, "Hey, I'm a holy figure." He moved the medallion away from his head and let it settle against his chest. "Pretty dope."

"Word. They look different though, right? Or is it just me?"

Don glanced between the two pieces, "No, they're definitely different. I have some funky sunlight. You... I think it's just light or something. Moonlight, maybe. Who the hell knows?"

Will nodded his head, once again running his hands over the pristine piece of neckwear. It was magnificently made, that was for sure, but who exactly made it? And for what reason was it underground of all places, in a decrepit and cursed mine? There were too many questions that needed answering, but that was why they started this journey an hour ago in the first place. Hopefully they'd be able to get to the car and a few miles forward before sunrise. The two moved forward, using their medallions as pseudo-flashlights.

It was midday by the time the two friends spotted a long dirt road. It stretched and turned away, presumably leading into the distant mountains which were now much smaller. Don and Will had camped overnight in a small wooded area, treated themselves to some beef jerky and water, and slept until the sun woke them up. Neither felt spectacular about sleeping on the ground for several hours, but the aches and pains were significantly less than expected.

Both men shrugged the odd feeling off and started trekking again. This time their steps and pace were not fueled by fear of imprisonment, but genuine excitement. They were possibly the first of their kind to tread upon the shirt grasses underfoot and this realization was more than enough to push them onwards. To say Will was apathetic was an understatement. He was downright lazy and Don often pushed him to do things back in town, things which Will would have been happy enough to avoid and sleep on.

They had rolled the last of their joints early in the morning and had set out, saving them for later on in the day. The sight of the road was more than enough to encourage a celebratory smoke and they did so, puffing away as their boots kicked pebbles along the roadside. There was some conversation, mostly just giggles and exclamations, but Will and Don seemed in better spirits, creepy texts, medallions, and law enforcement behind them. By now they had broken from the rocky hillsides and onto a slightly forested area. It had taken an hour or so to escape the scraggly pines, but the duo had soon found themselves staring across a vast, dry wasteland of tumbleweeds and dusty winds.

Stripping off their jackets, the friends had ventured forth and now they were happy in the knowledge that they would see civilization before sundown. Will flicked the remnants of his blunt away and wiped the sweat from his brow "I'm thinking man...was all this supposed to go down?"

Don looked over in confusion "Whattya mean?"

Eyes set forward as he trudged along, Will stared tiredly ahead, "We end up here, together, become town heroes and outcasts, find these token things, and now these text messages? It seems, like, planned out."

"Word. Seems mad strange. Hopefully we can figure this shit out and soon." Don replied.

"Well," Will smiled, "Looks like Dodge Junction up ahead."

Both men laughed and slapped each other on the back as the buildings came into view, little more than small black squares on the horizon. Will stopped for a second, "Wait. What about us being human? Should we cover our faces? Pretend to be those diamond dog dudes again?"

Don whistled absentmindedly, "Maybe we should just put our hoods up. I mean, everyone thought we were dogs anyway, but it would seem weird to have those niggas in the desert."

"Fuck that, I’m not wearing this jacket. Loud and proud."

They high fived and opted not to wear the hoods or respirators they had been given.

Eyes were an interesting thing. They let people see, they conveyed emotions, and they got wide in fear at times. Now was one of those times as the duo travelled within the borders of the town, walking in at a leisurely pace. It was roughly noon now and eyes were plastered on them, courtesy of the ponies going about their duties. Don fanned himself, the heat unbearable in the arid town.

"God damn... I'm build to endure the cold, not this bullshit!"

Will wiped sweat away from his brow, "Same here." He groaned, "Let's just find some shade already, man."

"Word, can't stand this."

The two continued walking, being constantly stared at until a very specific-looking stallion stopped them. It was a dark-coated stallion, with patches of white every now and again. His main was a lackluster silver and a mark of an hourglass on his flank. He wore a black suit with a pearly-white shirt, a wide, black tie, and an equally dark, flat-brimmed hat. A pocket watch chain stuck out from his breast pocket, swinging with each, calculated step. He eyed bother humans scrupulously, not speaking quite yet.

He clicked his tongue, "I see we have visitors to our little town. You two wouldn't happen to be bandits, would ya?" The shook their heads, "Good, good... Because I wouldn't want to have to use this." He lifted his coat, revealing a thick whip. "What're yer names?"

"Don."

"Will."

He furrowed his brow, "Funny names, but each their own, 'spose." He extended his hoof, "Name's Colonel Hourglass More-Timer. I'm sheriff around Dodge Junction and the small territory surrounding it." They each took turns shaking his hoof, "Say, what are you fellers?"

"Humans." Don answered plainly.

"Humans?" The Colonel scratched his chin, "My 'sumption was that humans were froo-froo folklore from southern Equestria. Didn't think they existed past stories, no offense intended on ya'll."

"None taken," Will mentioned.

Don grunted, still fanning himself, "Hey, can we take this inside or something? I really don't want to be in this heat."

Colonel Hourglass gave them an approving look, "'Suppose so. Come to the local saloon."

The law stallion walked away, heading to a nearby building. Both of the humans were eager to follow, finally able to get away from the dry heat of the outside world.

It wasn't long before both men and Hourglass were seated at the bar, the two humans ignoring the stares from the few other patrons hanging about. In fact, it was surprising that there were any customers at all seeing as it was early afternoon. Both Don and Will considered this, but said nothing, thinking that perhaps a small western town such as this one had nothing to do but drink and work. Will was currently swishing a small amount of cactus juice, tonic, and whiskey around in his mouth. That concoction was called the Survivalist's Brew. It was sour, bitter, and made Will want to spit, but he drank the shot regardless and set the glass down.

It was quickly swiped up by a bartender, a younger mare with a bandana wrapped around a mane which still managed to stick out of the cloth in several places. She smiled brightly, revealing bright teeth, and filled the glass back up, dusty cost flashing dully in the dim light.

"Thanks." Will said as he rolled up his jacket and tossed it upon the pack at his feet.

The bartender smiled again, "No problem. I'm Dusty Dune, bartender and proud proprietor of this here establishment. Only drinks you'll find for the next sixty miles!"

"Sixty miles, huh?" Will sighed and swirled his greenish drink around in the glass, "Damn hot out here. Don and I just came down from the mountains so it's a bit of a shock to the system."

Dusty Dune nodded in acknowledgement "Uh huh. Stays nice an' cold up there what with the snow and glaciers and all that." She set the bottle of liquor down, "Down here, we got open skies and baked sand. Ain't much to look at, but its home."

Will nodded, "Home is where the heart is. Hey, you got any rooms for rent? My buddy and I need a place to stay for a bit." When Dusty Dune raised an eyebrow, Will explained a bit further, "We're going from place to place. We wanna see the world. Any suggestions?"

"Hmm. Ya'll could catch the train to Appleloosa or maybe New Reno. Your best bet though, if you wanna see the sights, is to catch the cross country train and head on over to Las Pegasus." Dusty Dune scrunched up her face at the thought of the aforementioned city, "That city chews good folks up and spits 'em back out. Lose a year of pay in one stinkin' night.

"As for the room, I got two. Identical apart from the spiders and sand ants runnin' about. How long ya'll planning on staying?"

Will shrugged, "Hard to say. Could be a day, could be weeks. I guess we're trying to soak up our surroundings as much as possible." Will looked over at Don who seemed intent on a conversation with Hourglass, "Isn't that right, Donny Boy?"

There was a muttered agreement and Will shrugged, grinning at the bartender, “He seems nice.”

Don turned away from the Colonel, "You guys have a pretty decent set up here for a town."

"Thanks!"

"But would you mind if I went behind the bar to make something real quick?"

Dusty Dune gave him a look, "Sure, if you know what you're doing."

Will nearly snorted, "It's a possibility."

Don went around and grabbed several bottles and glasses. Though he didn't have much to work with (he barely recalled the names of the items he used back in somewhere), he decided to wing it and see what the result would be. Dusty Dune watched carefully, seeing what techniques he used. Frankly, they were abnormal and not anything like the ones they used in this part of the country. The drink was no different, and fizzed loudly with a glowing, yellowish color. Both Earth ponies looked immediately distrusting of it.

Will took a sip from his glass, "Still good."  He noticed the apprehension from the Equestrians, "What's wrong?"

Colonel Hourglass shook his head, "Mm-mm, no thank you. Personally, I don't appreciate magic drinks. Makes you all googly-eyed and excited."

Don downed it, shuddering as the feeling of several fireworks erupted in his stomach warmly, "Hot damn... That was good. Really, you guys gotta’ try this."

"We're fine," Dusty Dune said, smiling politely, "We usually have the plainer stuff here. You know, the stuff you'll only find in the Mild West."

Will sloshed his old drink around, eyebrow raised, "You mean like cactus juice?"

"If you don't like it, you don't need to drink it." She stated, "In fact, you could just leave right now if you'd like."

“Now Dusty,” The Colonel rested on a hoof over the bar, “It wouldn’t be nice to just throw ‘em out for their tastes. Wouldn’t be nice at all. Isn’t that ri—” He turned to the two humans, only to find they weren’t sitting down anymore. “What the—”

Don cracked his knuckles, sitting down on a player piano. A quick skim over the instructions drawn on the side indicated it could play just about any song so long as one started that specific one. While his skill with any sort of instrument was abysmal and nonexistent, he at least tried a single one. He hit a few keys, starting the piano up and letting the magic inside of it play the rest of the tune. Will grabbed two derby bowlers from a nearby coat rack and tossed one to Don.

Will cleared his throat, “We could’ve been anything we wanted to be. But don’t it make your heart glad...”

“That we decided, a fact we took pride in...”

They went back-to-back and smiled, “We became the best at being bad!”

Don pulled off his hat and bowed, “We could’ve been anything we wanted to be, with all the talent we had! No doubt about it, we whine and we pout it! We’re the very best at being...”

“BAD GUYS!” They yelled in unison.

Will hopped onto a table, knocking everything off, “We’re rotten to the core! We deserve congratulations, no one likes us anymore! Bad guys! We’re the very worst, both of us contemptible! We’re criticized and cursed, but made the big time, malicious and mad!” He stomped his foot and posed, “We’re the very best at being bad!”

Don grabbed another drink, downed it, and sat swankily on a stool, “We could’ve been anything we wanted to be, but we took the easy way out! With a little training, we mastered complaining! Manners seemed unnecessary! We’re so rude, it’s almost scary!”

They met at the center of the saloon and sang the rest together, “We could’ve been anything we wanted to be, with all the talent we had! With little practice, we made every blacklist! We’re the very best at being bad!” They stomped their feet again, “We’re the very best and being bad!” Posed one last time, “We’re the very best at being bad!”

Both men panted, finding what they had just done exhausting. They looked around, still in a pose, and saw all of the blank faces staring at them. Don shared a look with Will that said “What the fuck” and stopped posing, followed by Will. As soon as they relaxed, the entire saloon erupted into a storm of hooves clapping against the floor and cheers from the patrons. The two humans smiled, finding their own act entertaining. Slowly, they went back to the bar and sat down tiredly.

Dusty Dune smiled brightly and poured a glass of Survivalist's Brew for each man. They downed it without thought and scrunched their faces up as the taste hit them. Will was used to it, but still managed to grimace at the terrible flavors. He set the glass down and leaned forward on the bar.

"We'll take those rooms. How much for rent?"

"One hundred and fifty a month! Might even give ya a discount on drinks if you keep actin' around like that." replied the tanned bartender.

Don nodded and picked up his bag, "Ight. You want a deposit or what?"

Dusty Dune nodded in the positive, "One hundred as a damage deposit."

There was some grumbling as Don and Will forked out their cash before being given the room keys. They walked left around the bar and climbed a set of stairs which had seen far better days. Will checked the small tag attached to his key, discovering he was down the hall from Don who was in room number seven. The two parted ways briefly and dumped their gear off, finding the rooms to have the bare minimum of furniture. Small bedside tables, worn dressers, and beds which were probably crawling with bugs. Will shuddered at the sight of the faded sheets and set his bag against the dresser before retrieving several small pouches of equestrian money.

It was bulky to carry around and oftentimes Will found himself weighed down by fifteen small sacks of thick gold coins. He briefly considered that and decided to shrug on his backpack, emptying out everything but his share of the money of course. He pulled the straps over his shoulder and headed back out the door, meeting Don in the hallway before deciding to see some of the town before nightfall.

"You think they have a tailor around here? I can't be having that fuckin' jacket on me anymore. Heavy as shit and is hot as fuck." Will muttered aloud as he pushed past the saloon's swinging doors and into the sun.

Don nodded, "Totes magotes. We'll ask around. We gotta pick up some bigger packs though."

"And some goddamn ant traps. Greasy as fuck in my room."

"Word."

“You know, it's not as hot as I originally thought it was. It's actually pretty decent out here."

Will glanced at Don for a second, "Why the hell are you so chipper, skipper?"

Both humans had been walking for the past few minutes, exploring the burgeoning town a bit more. Don, over the course of their small adventure through, began to feel less and less affected by the sun and its constant heat. Will, on the other hand, was sweating from sheer amount of harsh light coming at him. He shuddered. He'd be just like one of those typical New Jerseyians that he'd seen on TV before. It wasn't a good way to go.

"Nothing, just feeling pretty decent right now. You need a rest or something?"

"I'm dying here, what do you think?"

"Forward it is."

Don chuckled a bit as Will headed to the closest source of shade, that being a large oak tree. Pulling out his canteen, Will placed it on his lips and took a long drink, exhaling as he motioned away. His medallion swung slightly, colliding with the water container a few times. With the sound becoming quite annoying, Will put his canteen against his chest to keep it quiet. It was then he realized just how cold it suddenly was.

Will looked at it, examining it from different angles, "That's weird."

"What?"

"It's cold now."

Don grabbed it and took a sip, "Fuck!" He hit a palm against his forehead several times, wincing in pain, "Damn! Brain freeze! What the hell do you have in there, liquid nitrogen?"

Will stole it back, sipping it, "Seems fine to me."

He received a glare, "That shit hurt, like, a lot."

"If you can't stand the cold, stay out of the freezer."

Don rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

He then proceeded to use a sharp rock nearby to carve a message into the tree. Standing back now, Don looked at it and nodded, satisfied with the outcome. Will raised his head and read it off.

"'Don was here. Gimme a seven.' Classy."

"You know it."

Will took another sip and let out a satisfied sigh, "Nice little town."

The older man nodded in agreement and soon they were walking down the street again, chatting absentmindedly as they came up to what looked like an old, shady casino-type establishment. It was easy enough to tell the difference between a saloon and a casino, but the three story building looked like a mix between two such establishments. A large, painted banner was strung across the elongated balcony where several mares lounged, dressed in frilly, revealing outfits. Will raised an eyebrow and read aloud.

"Hoofers: Casino and Bar."

"Huh," Don said. "You wanna go in?"

Will ground his teeth together in thought, "Why not. I've never gambled before though."

Don grinned, "Don't you worry about that, bro! You're talking to a poker master right now!"

"Mhmm." Was the doubtful reply from Will.

The two men climbed the steps, passed by two bewildered looking ranchers and pushed open the doors as a flight of crows took off behind them. They slowed and let their eyes travel over the darkened interior that flashed with lights and VLTs. Roulette and other games could be seen near the back by a bar area. Patrons stopped to look at the two humans as they marched past, heading straight towards the tables as they were eager to earn some money and dance with Lady Luck for a short while.

Will pointed at the bar, "I'm gonna get a drink. Here," He handed down a bag of bits. "Double my money while I turn into an alcoholic."

There was a loud chuckle as Don took an empty seat a poker game, shuffling into place next to a prestigious looking mare. Will took notice, but was more concerned with the bartender's look of amazement. The younger human grinned and folded his hands on the lacquered surface of the bar.

"Whattya got?"

"You're doing pretty good, sonny."

Don smirked, "Of course I am. Just watch." He threw in fifty bits. "Anyone?"

Several other ponies folded, but the elderly mare from earlier tossed in sixty. Don took a quick moment to look her over. Her hair was faded red, nearly pink, all tied up in a neat bun. Her pallid, yellow coat wasn't a good indicator of her health obviously, because she seemed far too alive to be close to death. An expensive-looking sundress was what she wore, with a strapped bonnet atop her head. Lastly, the sweet and knowledgeable face was what nearly threw him off. What was a sweet old lady doing here, playing Texas Hold' Em?

"I gotcha, honey. No ways am I backin' down."

He had to hand it to her, she was both perky and funny.

Don presented his cards, "Flush."

A wide grin crept along her face as she laid down hers, "Full house."

"What?! Damn!"

He groaned in contempt as the elderly mare raked in all the bits, pushing them into her bag. She smiled thoughtfully and stood up.

"Well, I think I'm done fer tha night. Have fun y'all."

Don immediately stuffed the rest of his bits into the bag and stood up, looking for Will, "Same here. Can't keep playing after being humiliated by some old lady."

Will was having a conversation with the bartender, so Don simply went off without him. Leaving the casino, he jogged after the old mare, who made a surprising amount of progress in terms of distance in such a short time. By now, the sun was setting and he barely recognized her in the orange light.

"Hey!" He called out.

The mare turned around, smiling, "Oh! You're that nice colt who lost to me! What do you mean, honey?"

"I want to earn back that money, what say we play another game for it?"

She shook her head, "Sorry, sonny, I'm too tired to be gambling my money away. Besides, with this," she patted the pouch of bits, "I'll be able to hire a few more workers fer Cherrypickin' Season. Gonna be a big load this year and we need all the hooves we can get." The mare eyed him up and down, "Unless..."

"Unless what?" Don took an offended look, "Hey, I'm not a jiggalo for any amount of money."

She burst into laughter, nearly falling over in the process, only for Don to help her stand, "I like you! Real wise-guy! If'n you want these so bad," the mare patted the pouch again, "you can earn 'em by working as a cherrypicker. Sound fair?"

Don considered it for a moment. They didn't really have much else to do in this town and there wasn't any other indication of making money either. After all, they already paid for a whole month's rent for rooms, so why not at least try to earn some money back? There wasn't any reason not to, and the old mare seemed pretty fun to be around too.

"For how long are you keeping those spots open?"

She put a hoof to her chin in thought, "I 'spose if you two could do a good enough job and keep up at it, I could keep you on for as long as you need."

He extended a hand, "Deal. I look forward to us working for you, and all that good stuff."

She shook it, "My feelings exactly, honey. If you want, I could show you and yer friend around the farm."

"Speaking of which, where is that gu—"

Will patted him on the shoulder as he stepped beside him, "Right here. I had a feeling something pertaining to me was going on, so I came outside."

She looked between the two, "Kinda scraggly lookin', you two..." There was a shrug from her, "So long as you put in good work, won't matter with me. Come on, I'll show you two around."

Don began to walk away before Will stopped and whispered in his ear, "What is she talking about?"

"We got jobs."

"Really? You signed me up for something?"

"We need to earn back the money she won and we have nothing to do anyway."

"Point taken."

The two quickly came to an agreement and ran after the mare, who once again made significant headway to some unknown location.

Author's Notes - Stillmatic

Yo niggas, what's good? Glad to hear people are actually reading this shit. Or interested, for that matter. Anyway, if anyone can spot the reference to a character from an Old Western movie starring Lee Van Cleef, you're awesome.

As Always,

Stay Trilla.