Author's Note

[Comedy]

This is a riff on DapperLilArts's WALLFLOWER'S "Am I the asshole?" (2,169 words, [Comedy][Random])

FOME'S "AM I THE SPOILER?": Wherein Wallflower seeks validation for the actions of Forgotten Friendship on literal, actual Reddit... and doesn't get it. Still, she and Sunset are able to reconcile, even if Twilight may tear out her throat the next time they meet.

Box-Corner's Miss Trial (DapperLilArts's "WALLFLOWER'S 'Am I the a*hole?'")

"I ask you," asked Vignette Valencia, "A.I.T.A?"

The honorable Judge Stodgy Porridge, with thirty years of experience behind the bench, blinked at the defendant. "Um... what was that?"

After a moment spent making eye contact with Judge Porridge for the first time since entering the courtroom, Vignette nodded and said, "Right, I was asking you: Am I the asshole?"

Judge Porridge sighed for what felt like the twentieth time that day. "I should not need to remind you, Ms. Valencia, that crass language will not be allowed in my court, If you wish to self-represent, you will need to watch your language"

"Hmph." Valencia crossed her arms and directed one of her more photogenic pouts towards the court's sketch artist. "Hashtag S.I.A.S.S"

The judge raised an eyebrow, letting the silence ask his question for him.

"Someone is a spoilsport."

Judge Porridge shook his head. "And that is strike two, Ms. Valencia. I am being very lenient here, especially when your potential charges include kidnapping and endangering minors, but one more unnecessary acronym out of you and you will be held for contempt in court. Can you continue this without doing that?"

The two stared at one another for several seconds, the silent tension interrupted only by the stenographer catching up and the creak of the prosecuting attorney's chair as she leaned back.

Finally, Vignette gave a sigh of her own. "If that's how it's going to be, Your Honor, then I think there is only one thing left to say."

"And that is?"

One by one, Vignette's middle fingers rose proud as any two vast and trunkless legs of stone. "F, and I cannot emphasize this enough, U."