You've Come To The Right Neighborhood

"Your...mother?" Spike cringed a little when he saw what/who came storming up. Now, he was no medical technician, but he'd seen enough pictures to tell when features had been altered. And...hoo-boy, she looked more liposuction than lady! The way she was actually trying to look down her replacement nose at every pony within thirty feet even managed to win her a few bitch points in his book.

"Yes..." Diamond sighed. "You have no idea how many times I've been tempted to ask Twilight Sparkle for something to send me back in time so I could slap some sense into my younger self for acting like her."

"Diamond Tiara!" The older mare screeched, her tone reminding Spike of a bull moose having a hemorrhoid flareup. "Young lady, you better have a good reason for associating with the riff-raff in this town..." It was then that she saw Spike. "And what the hell is THIS!?"

"Funny, I could ask you the same thing." He replied, getting an unpleasant flashback to his own mother after he told her his chosen profession.

"Excuse me...?" She hissed, before Diamond spoke up.

"Lay off him, Mom!" She demanded, glaring at her. "He's new in town."

"'He'?" Spoiled looked at him, her expression suddenly shifting from contempt to something akin to someone looking at a cut of meat.

He suddenly felt the urge to scream 'begone, satan!'

"And need I remind you, Mother, that you're already married? To one of Ponyville's only three - now four - stallions?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you don't want ponies thinking you're some kind of 'POACHER', now, would you?" Silver said loudly, causing every mare in earshot to turn their way, and none of them with a happy look on their face.

He wasn't sure what she meant exactly, but it must not have been a pleasant thing, because Spoiled paled big time at that. She quickly schooled her looks into something more haughty and grabbed Diamond's arm. "Let's go, now!" She ordered, pulling her daughter along.

"Um, bye." Silver said, before hurrying off after them.

"Well, that was new...and a tad creepy." Spike muttered to himself, before resuming his tour of his new town. Of course, due to Silver's rather loud declaration, he now found himself overhearing a few comments from the local mares.

"There's a new stallion in town!? Why the hell didn't anypony say something!?"

"Wow, he's BIG!"

"Think he'll let us see if his height's the only big thing about him?"

"Wait, did that filly call Spoiled Rich a...a poacher?"

"You think she might be?"

"Wouldn't put it past a nag like her."

"What if she's got her eyes on him? You don't think...?"

"Riight...moving on." Spike picked up the pace a little, doing his best to ignore the newest remarks.

"Ok...being a dude in this world is a little bit more potentially hazardous than I expected." Spike sighed once he'd managed to get out of the middle of town and found the park. Luckily, there weren't that many ponies around...though 'luckily' wasn't quite a definite term, since he was being treated to the sight of a couple amorous mares liplocked and two fingers deep in each other. "Huh, they...they weren't kidding when they said taboos about sex and nudity weren't heard of here..." It took him a minute to pull his eyes away from it.

"Um, you can....you can masturbate to them if you want." Spike turned when he heard Fluttershy's voice. The demure pegasus walked over, glancing at the couple and blushing brightly.

"Do-do wha?"

"Most mares see it as a compliment when a stallion gets turned on watching them." She hid behind her hair some, looking at the growing tent in his pants. "I...uhm..." She bit her lip slightly. "....I can help if you'd like..."

"Do wha??" His face quickly rivaled hers in crimson. "That...that's ok, Fluttershy...I...uh...I'm just trying to calm down right now...had a run-in with a rather unpleasant lady her daughter said was named Spoiled Rich."

"Her!?" Fluttershy's yelp nearly made him fall off the bench. Next thing he knew she was on top of him, checking for injuries or marks. "That...that selfish excuse for a mare is one of the worst ponies you could've met!" She moved his collar and waistband to look for marks. "She didn't try anything with you, did she??"

"Wha?? N-no! Her daughter's friend, Silver spoon implied she'd be called a 'poacher' if she tried something." He was putting everything he could into willing his erection away before she saw or felt it.

"Oh, that's a relief." She calmed back down, leaning on him a bit. "Since her husband, Filthy Rich, is out often on business, Spoiled tends to act like she's entitled to a 'replacement' at times."

"A...replacement?" The word made Spike feel like he'd downed another vinegar shot for some reason.

"Since there are so few males, only a really selfish mare would try to take a second, especially since she refuses to divorce him and lose his part of the money they have." She scowled. "She's already made a pass at Mr. Cake and Big Macintosh a couple of times. Mrs. Cake and Granny Smith both kicked her flanks for it."

He snorted. "Bet that was fun to watch."

"Well, I didn't see it, but they...told us..." Her cheeks went pink again when she saw the posistion she was in; straddling Spike's waist and almost laying on him, her breasts pressing against his chest some. "Oh, um...I..." She squeaked when she felt something against her rear. "S-Spike...is that your...?"

'Oh...oh schisser...' He gulped slightly, realizing the situation now. "S-sorry, Fluttershy. Uh, I didn't really..." He blinked when, instead of jumping away like she seemed ready to, she slowly moved in closer. "Uh, I didn't really expect to have that happen. Was trying to...hmm!?" Whatever he meant to say afterwards was lost as her lips found his, hungrily at that. Any attempt to get his thoughts back on that failed when she squished her breasts against him.

"Feffa...suba...Shuffertly...?" He babbled incoherently once the kiss ended, a still slightly coherent part of his mind wondering why she tasted like banana-flavored candy.

"I...I'm sorry, Spike..." She said softly, "...but I couldn't help myself. I have a confession to make." She leaned in and nuzzled him a little. "I...I want to be one of your mares."

"Y-you do?" He asked, understandably surprised. Night Light had told him they'd probably be interested, but he figured it'd be a while, and they'd probably ask for a date or similar. Apparently Moondancer wasn't the exception.

She nodded. "It...it kind of started when I carried you back home from your fall." She giggled a little. "You're a lot heavier than you look. That, and, um...I had a really hard time resisting the urge to feel up those muscles you have." Her hand gently ran over his chest and abs through his shirt. "Especially while I was bandaging you." The blush she had grew.

Spike had to suppress a shiver when one of her fingers found its way between the buttons of his shirt.

"That and, well, it's not common, but I've heard of a few times where stallions would try to pressure a mare into sleeping with them, like the one Moondancer told us about. But, you never did when you woke up. You even tried to keep from looking past my neck; wasn't hard to see where your eyes were focused."

"W-why would I?" He asked. "Back home, that's a pretty asshole thing to do." He reminded himself that this 'Chaser' prick still needed a good fist in the face.

"And...to be honest, I feel safe around you." She tucked her head up under his chin.

"Safe?"

"Like when I was cuddled up with you in bed." Another giggle. "It was kind funny when you kept trying to keep your hand off my butt. Tickled too. That, and Moondancer told us how you reacted when she told you about that stallion in Canterlot. Like Rainbow would probably say, that sealed the deal for me." She took a deep breath.

"Man...this is a lot to take in, honestly." He replied. "I mean, I barely know anything about this place, much less the customs."

"Oh, in that case, me and the others can teach you. Lesson one: when a mare finds a stallion she's interested in, it's considered a courtesy to offer herself." She slid down his body until she was sitting right on top of his bulge. "C-Celestia! She wasn't kidding about the size of this thing!" She squeaked.

Spike's face went redder when he felt her already wet mound pressing against him. "Flutter..."

"Ooh! I KNEW I felt something!" A gleeful voice squealed, less than three feet from them. Both Spike and Fluttershy nearly cricked their necks facing a pink alicorn, wearing nothing but white lace thigh-highs, bridal gauntlets, and a grey wool scarf. She was also looking at them both with a wide grin.

"Dafuq!?" Spike yelped.

Fluttershy was a bit more composed. "Princess Cadance!? W-what are you doing here?"