Author's Note

I don't even feel bad. I just keep writing new bullshit. Take that, Displaced Into Nothing fans...

E-Rotilogue - "D-D-D-D-D-D-Deeper!"

And so, with the help of Doctor Dick, all the ponies of Manehattan were saved! (And the non-ponies just had to make due, seeing as the Equestrian Medical System is segregated, because ponies are racist like that. It's ok though, because it's not like sheep or cows are people.) With the citizens cured of the Needus Gameetus outbreak, all the loose ends had been tied up...

“Well then,” Doctor Lollipop said, “it seems the board isn't going to take action for you feeding all those ponies your semen. Good job convincing them!”

“Oh, let me assure you, once they saw what I had to offer, it wasn't that hard to get their consent. Something else was hard though...” Doctor Dick bobbed his eyebrows.

The dick twitched.

“Well, it seems there's only one loose end.” He turned to the other pony in his office, “Doctor Geld, would you at least consider dropping your appeal to have Doctor Dick removed?”

Doctor Geld shook his head, letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry Doctor, but the fact remains, he doesn’t even have a medical degree. I just can't sit idly by while he continues to just practice unlicensed medicine. This is dangerous! Some pony could get hurt!”

“Actually...” Doctor Lolipop reached behind his desk, “I took the liberty of contacting the university when you first brought it up, and today, this arrived in the mail!” He plopped a thick pile of papers on the table, grinning widely.

Doctor Dick leaned forward, a smile coming to his face, “is that what I think it is?”

Doctor Lollipop grinned, nodding enthusiastically.

Doctor Geld frowned, “...This month’s issue of playcolt?”

“Lady Rara did a spread! And WOW, would you look at that flank!” He grinned showing a picture of Lady Rara lying on a couch with a slight blush, her supple flank fully visible to the camera.

Doctor Dick nodded, “It looks very healthy.”

“Lollipop... This is just a picture of a mare.”

“A naked mare!” Doctor Lollipop grinned.

“Doctor, I'm naked, you're naked, all the mares in this hospital are naked. WE ARE LITERALLY NAKED ALL THE TIME!”

Doctor Lollipop blinked, looking back at the image for a good long moment...

...

“Huh... I never thought about it that way...” He glanced up, “Wait... I thought you liked Playcolt.”

“I like the articles, Lollipop, the award winning articles!”

It's true. They really do have good articles.

“And besides, this is a complete distraction from the conversation!”

“Oh fine,” Doctor Lollipop rolled his eyes as Doctor Geld snipped off his hijinks like a pair of... You know. “I got this from a courier this morning. It turns out the University was really impressed with that thing you pulled off with the potato.” He tossed a cardboard-framed paper on the desk.

Doctor Dick looked down at the framed parchment. “Oh! Is this what a diploma looks like? I never did finish high school...”

“Let me see that.” Doctor Geld leaned forward, taking the paper with some annoyance. His eyes scanned the sheet of notebook paper that had been hastily taped on to what looked like part of a pizza box... (And trust me, a Manehattanite knows pizza boxes)

Dick is a Doctor Now. Yep.
- Manehattan School of like, Medicine and Stuff

Doctor Geld sighed, “Really, Doctor?”

“Is there a problem?” Doctor Lollipop said with a smirk.

Doctor Geld looked down at the paper again, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples...

“No. This is definitely an official degree from the ‘Manehattan School of like, Medicine and Stuff’. Notebook paper and everything.“ He hoofed the paper back to them, “Well, I guess there’s no more fighting it now. As much as I hate to admit it... You’re a doctor now, on par with the rest of us.” He gave a little nod, “Welcome to the team, Doctor Dick.” With that, he turned around, walking back down the hallway to his own office.

He stopped, turned around, and walked back past them, “Oh, right, my office is this way.”

Doctors Dick and Lolipop, who I just now noticed have similar names if you think about it, smiled as they watched their fellow physician trot down the hallway and out of sight.

“You know...” Doctor Lolipop said, “For a pony without balls, he sure does get into a lot of dickery.”

Doctor Dick nodded with a smile, “He sure does, and I’m the one agreeing with you.”

They both had a chuckle.

“So, Doctor Dick, are you staying on for the long term?” Lolipop asked, reaching under the desk to pull out a sucker (the candy kind, not Nurse Melodrama), which he then put in his mouth.

“It looks like it.” reaching under the desk to pull on his dick, (his actual dick, not euphemism or anything) “Though, I have the feeling I’ll be needed elsewhere... One never knows when somepony will be in need of a Doctor...”

“...Or a Dick.” Lolipop added. He bobbed his eyebrows.

Doctor Dick chuckled back at that, “Ah yes, well, I am good at offering that. Nopony knows what the future can truly hold. We are but players in a wild game of life.

Doctor Lolipop nodded sagely, “Indeed. But you know what? I’m glad it was you who wandered into the ER that day. It’s like fate brought us together...”

Doctor Dick nodded back, “One could almost say that...” he turned to the camera, eyes solidly transfixed on you, giving you the hardened stare of a stallion who had looked into the face of eternity and held no misgivings about what lurked within the dark. “It was as if an occult hand had reached down from above and moved the players like pawns upon some giant chessboard.”

And then they knew, they knew what was really going on: the only way any of this could have transpired was through the work of entities beyond mortal comprehension. They were trapped, like ants in a terrarium, being used for the amusement of beings which to even consider was to court insanity, and on that mountain of madness, nothing could ever be made right again...

And the Dick.Throbbed.On.

Credits

Help Me Doctor Dick!

Written by Raccoon

Inspired by the hit single, “Help Me Doctor Dick!”, by E-Rotic.

Dr Geld frowned as he went into his office. He was not happy about Doctor Dick working there, but a piece of paper is a piece of paper. Who was he to question looseleaf?

He glanced at his desk, noticing a little oblong box on it, gift wrapped with a little bow. He reached forward and examined the note...

“From Doctor Dick
To Doctor Geld”

He kept his frown on as he pulled on the bow, opening the package. Inside, he found a pair of brand new tennis balls, perfect for playing with.

And for the first time in a long time, Doctor Geld began to smile.

Other works referenced or inspiring include...

“Doctor Lolipop” by Frederator Studios
Like, seriously, that’s a good chunk of the first chapter, and part of the inspiration for Doctor Lolipop, Nurse Cutty, Nurse Melodrama, and Nurse Otherpony.
“If You're Fucking, You're Fucking" by Reggie Watts
“Dick Sucking Fever” by Raccoon and the Wild Animals
“Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye

Medical Dramas, specifically House (in case you didn’t get who Geld and Cutty were loosely inspired by) and Call The Midwife (holy shit that is a period piece that makes me shiver, especially when they deal now-eliminated illnesses)

Nurse Badpun’s name was originally a joke on Pony names, until I realized it sounds a lot like “Bedpan”, which made me decide that he’s a nurse with urine and scat fetishes, making it a very bad pun.

And yes, Nurse Otherpony is named that because I was too lazy to think of another name and just went with the placeholder, because that’s my sense of humor.

“And remember, Mister Dot-RAR,” Doctor Lolipop said, “The next time you feel Rumblies In Your Tumblies, figure out what's causing it before you keep eating.” He held his hoof out, smiling as he offered his namesake candies, “Now, will that be cherry, orange, or lemon?”

“Thank you doctor!” Mister Dot-RAR said, taking the lemon flavored one, “From now on, I’ll be sure not to eat Mung Beans anymore, lest I come down with a case of the Mung... Which is what you get from eating Mung Beans, obviously.”

“Right you are!” Doctor Dick declared, “And until next time the sick come a callin’...”

“Are you gonna do the thing again doctor?” Nurse Cutty said with a smirk.

“Or defenseless ponies get a maulin...”

“He’s doing the thing.” Nurse Cutty nudged the patient with her shoulder

“This is...” he reared up on his hind hooves, magical sparkles radiating from his body as he let out a manly roar, “DOCTOOOOOOOR LOLIPOOOOP!!”

Special Thanks
Freleania for inspiring this work with her own, Hoofbeats. (Which, if you liked this, you will love)
Ronnie for constantly going on about dicks.
All of my friends who believe in the power of the dick...

And of course, you, my adoring fans, who make the baby Jesus cry by reading shit like this.

.
.
.

Doctor Dick will return...

Raccoon is sitting in her plush bed, wearing her black nightie, trying to finish chapter 6 of Displaced Into Nothing before she gets distracted again. She notices you and glances up. “Are... Are you still here?”

She starts waving you towards the door, “Go. Go away. This story is over.”

Doctor Dick raises his head from the pile of stuffed animals beside her, “Oh? Maybe they want to hear about the sequel.”

“No, nobody wants to hear about the sequel. This story is bad, and they should feel bad for reading it.”

“Hmm... Maybe... But in the sequel, I have sex with a princess.” he points out.

She nods, “Yeah, and he might meet Hoofbeats in a crossover thingy.”

“Yeah, guess what happens in that one.” He's grinning now, bobbing his eyebrows.

“Don't tell them about that. They don't need to know. They probably don't want to know.” She turns back to you, “Listen, this story was bad, and it's over now, so you should just... Go hit that downvote button and move on.” She waves you along.

“Right,” Doctor Dick says, leaning in to lay a forehoof over Raccoon's chest, “We’re having some private time.”

“Yeah, and if you ask him how this is possible, he'll just point at his dick and that will be the explanation.”

“Hmm... Maybe we should just get back to this...” Doctor Dick looks down at his erection, a smirk forming on his face.

“Ah, but Doctor, they don't know how to leave!” she whines.

“Mmm... Maybe they'd like to watch?”

She blushes a little, but smiles, “Oh... Well... I guess I wouldn't mind that...”

Doctor Dick gets up against Raccoon's chest, nibbling her neck, caressing her squirming little fluffy body in his forehooves, pulling her nightie off with his teeth and hooves, lining up his incredible cock against her entrance....

She leans back and spreads her legs around him, putting her arms on his shoulders as she relaxes beneath his toned body, sighing, “ahh... It's good to be the author...”

Raccoon let's out a cry of pleasure as Doctor Dick thrusts his big dick into her little body and, once again, gets to work..

8===|===)