The Beard with a Jerk-Ass Hanging off of It

Star Swirl regarded the buffoonery around him with the type of disapproving grimace that could only be mastered by decades of being better and righter than literally everypony that had, did, and would ever exist. He followed this up with a scoff and a jeer, then a cough and a sneer. He met the affront with a grunt and glared at all those that had borne his scorn. Finally, after clearing his phlegm he leveled his gaze at the one from which all the trouble first stemmed. “Right then. Are you the little inexperienced filly who clearly dabbles in magic with the skills of a mentally suppressed unicorn foal hyped up on sweets?”

A series of gasps and sounds of disapproval sounded out from the new ponies around the overgrown filly (with a horn AND wings no less! What a showy show-off!), and a great deal of them—filthy, know-nothing mares that they were—crowded around her like a small herd of mothers defending their over-sensitive child who was crying just because he couldn’t handle a little criticism regarding the stupid way he walked and his ugly, pathetic face. By the gods, was Stygian a loser then, now, and forever.

Wait… What was I doing? Star Swirl looked around and noted there were over half-a-dozen mares either comforting the purple underachiever masquerading as an overachiever who was now sobbing uncontrollably because she was a woman, and therefore, not in complete control of her emotions much like the other mares that opened their bile holes to eject mounds and mounds of high-pitched whining his way, and no! No, no, no, no! It was clear that these mares needed to be reminded who he was. “Cease your witless prattling at once, you halfwit ninnies!”

There was a beat of silence before the awful, terrible mares doubled down on their vitriol and stupidity. Right! Well, clearly a few decades in Tartarus would fix these fools! Star Swirl’s horn glowed a bright white that simultaneously showed his purity of spirit as well as his unquestionable purity of mind.

And then some fat jack-ass of a pony got in his way! Said fat pony was Rockhoof, who oft impeded Star Swirl’s much warranted retribution.

“BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT VILE BLOCKER OF THE SUN AND MY DIVINE JUSTICE!” Star Swirl declared as he swatted at Rockhoof’s considerable frame ineffectually with his forehooves all to the sounds of bells jingling and jangling angrily.

Massive collection of earth pony muscle that he was, Rockhoof took a moment to regard the clearly shook mares with a smile, even as Star Swirl continued to ‘wallop’ the large light blue pony with all the strength the aged wizard could muster. Such blows did little more then cause Rockhoof’s orange-and-blonde striped mane braids and beard to wobble. “I wish to apologize on behalf of my companion here,” Rockhoof calmly rumbled. “He is quick to judge others, and even quicker to anger.”

Having sternly been in the ‘yelling back at the aged wizard’ camp, Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Is there gonna be a ‘but’ that follows that sentence?”

“Neigh, I’m afraid not, Earth Sister.”

Applejack sighed and glanced at Twilight who was still a heap of tears while Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy did their best to comfort her. “Well… buck…” she said simply.

The metal armored, red-plumed, burnt-orange pegasus of the group took a moment to glance at the sun while using one of his wings to shade his pale-green eyes. “What time would you say it was?” Flash Magnus asked his recently summoned companions.

The other pegasus of the group, a mare with a coat the color of a ripe peach and blue-violet eyes, glanced up at the sun. Her translucent silk dress rustled slightly as she made an exaggerated motion with her own wing and brought it up to the golden band above her eyes with its moon emblem that kept her white headdress in place. “Oh, five in the evening, easily,” she said with a knowing smile. “Perhaps nigh on six.”

Sunburst glanced curiously up at the sky. “Uh, Did time work differently a millennium ago? Because, er, it’s not even noon-”

“Aye, Somnambula!” Flash Magnus said quickly as he quickly trotted right up next to Sunburst, knocking his shoulder against the much lankier male and sending him roughly to the ground.

“Oof!” Sunburst uttered as his glasses nearly fell off his face and his legs sprawled out.

“Aye, it must be well past five indeed!” Magnus added hastily.

“Hey!” Starlight protested harshly as she walked up to Sunburst and helped him back up. “I don’t care if you all are legendary pony folk heroes! That was rude!” she said as Sunburst quickly fixed his glasses.

Flash Magnus let out a magnanimous laugh and swatted Sunburst on his back with a wing, causing the glasses on the already flustered Sunburst to slip down his muzzle and fall sideways a bit. “My apologies, friend! I promise I shall make it up to you. Meadowbrook, Mistmane!” Flash Magnus motioned to an empty spot of ground in front of him.

Before Starlight could let loose with another protest, an elderly lilac unicorn with a long, curved horn, and sea green mane and tail that wafted in the wind like mist and a sky-blue earth pony mare wearing a green skirt and headband that held up the red-brown bun that was her mane walked past the agitated unicorn. A brilliant, aquamarine glow from Mistmane’s horn gently wafted to the ground below and scooped out a mound of dirt. Tiny seeds were floated out of the mare’s battered and aging soft-teal tunic and were placed in the ground before the soft earth above them was put back in place.

Starlight and Sunburst watched curiously as a smiling Meadowbrook produced a vial full of some murky, deep purple liquid, and poured it over the spot where Mistmane had buried the seeds.

Flash Magnus gently placed his feathered wing in front of Starlight and Sunburst, “You two may wish to back up a little bit.”

No sooner had Starlight and Sunburst complied, then vines began to snake their way out upward. They started small at first but soon grew into thick, woody plant tendrils that immediately sported large, juicy-looking purple grapes.

Sunburst couldn’t help but gasp at the plant that had just appeared in front of him. Flash Magnus expertly picked a bunch of the grapes off with one of his wings then picked two grapes off that bunch in the other. He quickly popped one into his mouth, chewed, smiled contently, then offered the other to Sunburst. Sunburst took the grape in a sunny yellow glow and pulled it up to his glasses, eyeing it cautiously.

“HaHA!” Flash Magnus exclaimed. “Go on and eat it, my friend! I’m certain you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

Sunburst gave Flash Magnus a quick glance then popped the grape into his mouth and bit down. He immediately began to cough and sputter then lean on Starlight for support.

“Sunburst?!” Starlight called out in alarm. She shot look of potential violent intent at Flash Magnus “What did you give—”

“It’s alright, Starlight,” Sunburst said, as he raised back to his full height and fixed his glasses. He swallowed. “I was just surprised is all.”

“Oh… okay?” Starlight replied.

Flash Magnus let out yet another hearty laugh. “Sorry, lad! Bit of a kick to these grapes!”

Sunburst pulled off another grape from the bunch and held it in a pulsating, sunny glow as he stared at it. Starlight looked around, noting that Somnambula, Meadowbrook, Mistmane, and Flash Magnus were already popping grape after grape to their mouth and laughing giddily with each other.

“They’re… they’re fermented!” gasped Sunburst. He shook his head. “No… They’re much closer to distilled!” His sapphire blue eyes widened. “That doesn’t seem physically possible!”

Somnambula popped another grape into her mouth and smiled widely. “All is possible if one simply has hope!”

Mistmane raised the back of her forehoof to her mouth and let out a small titter. “Also, I spent years perfecting that plant—” she motioned towards Meadowbrook “—and Meadowbrook likewise spent years mastering the potion to make it grow to its full potential in such a short amount of time.”

Meadowbrook flashed a sweet smile that made a little ‘squee’ sound before she popped a grape into her mouth.

“Hah!” Flash Magnus exclaimed. “Well, what’s important to me is the wonderful, boozy result!”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash called out as she suddenly flew up to Flash Magnus. “I just wanted to see what was going on here on account of me hearing one or several words that piqued my interest!”

Flash Magnus’s face lit up as he picked another bunch of grapes. “Yes! Come, pegasister!” Flash Magnus passed the entire bunch to Dash who took them in a wing.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” Rainbow Dash chanted as her face flushed crimson and she gleefully began popping grape after grape into her mouth.

Flash Magnus wrapped a wing around Rainbow Dash and pulled her close. “Now here’s a mare that knows how to eat grapes!”

Rainbow Dash exclaimed with an incredibly exuberant “Eeeeeeeeeh!” as she cozied up to Flash Magnus.

Starlight raised an eyebrow and took a step forward. “Rainbow, pardon me for being a little blunt but—”

“Flash gave me his grapes!” Rainbow Dash snapped jealously as she folded her feathers over the bunch. “Get your own!”

“Uh, no… Not that… Er…” Starlight took a few steps back and motioned for Rainbow Dash to follow her.

Sighing, Rainbow Dash took a few steps forward. “What?” she asked brusquely.

Starlight leaned in close and whispered into Rainbow Dash’s ear, “I got the impression you were mostly into mares…”

Rainbow Dash raised a wing to shield the sound of her talking from Flash Magnus, “Dude, it’s Flash Magnus. I wouldn't care if he’s packing some sort of slimy collection of tentacles between his legs!”

“… It alarms me that I’m aroused instead of the opposite of that from that visual image,” Starlight murmured.

Rainbow Dash popped a few more grapes into her mouth then continued casually, “If I play my cards right, I might end up bumping awesomes with one of the greatest pegasi who’s ever lived!”

Starlight took a moment to glance past Rainbow Dash. “Judging by the look Flash Magnus is giving your flank, I’m pretty sure you could present him with a mishmash of number cards, no face cards, and still end up winning a few hooves.”

“I like those odds!”

“I just told you, there are no odds,” Starlight shook her head. “You might as well hold your cards the wrong way and just wait for Flash to fold.”

Rainbow Dash shoveled a hoofful of grapes into her mouth and immediately trotted back over to Flash where the pegasi suddenly wrapped wings around the other. “It’s going to be an awesome day!” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Verily!” Flash Magnus agreed as he held a bunch of grapes up high.

“BLUUOOOWHUEOOOOWHUEEOOOOWHUEEOOOOO!”

“Unless you’re Twilight,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Verily!” Flash Magnus agreed once more as he repeated the motion with his grapes.

Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy continued to do their best to soothe the downtrodden princess as Applejack glanced past Rockhoof’s ample frame to see Star Swirl still ineffectual swatting at the massive earth pony stallion’s considerable bulk. “Uh… I still wouldn’t mind givin’ that ornery wizard a piece of my mind.”

Rockhoof frowned slightly. “I would not recommend that. Star Swirl has done terrible things to ponies when he acquires pieces of their minds.”

“Er… Ah didn’t mean literally,” Applejack stipulated.

“I doubt very much that clarification matters.”

Applejack sighed. “So, what? We’re jus’ supposed to sit here while Equestria’s most famous wizard tries and fails to pummel ya and my friend cries until she runs out of tears?”

Rockhoof glanced at the flailing Star Swirl. “Oh, he tires himself out after a bit…”

“I HEARD THAT YOU USELESS BOULDER OF A PONY!” Star Swirl snarled as he redoubled his efforts to injure the much larger Rockhoof, successfully upping the damage he was inflicting from ‘none whatsoever’ to twice that. It also had the effect of changing the sound of his bells from ‘Jolly Ol’ Saint Giver at a Rave’ to ‘SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! SAINT GIVER and his REINDEER ARE HAVING A SEIZURE!’

Applejack let out a heavy sigh. “There’s gotta be something useful we can do to actually address the horrible monstrosity unleashed upon Equestria.”

Rainbow Dash suddenly called out, “Pretty sure we can calm Starlight down if we just offer to fly kites with her!”

“HEY!” Starlight protested.

“YEAH! Up top, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed holding up a forehoof as Pinkie zipped away from Twilight just long enough to share a quick hoof bump with Rainbow Dash.

Rarity took a moment to trot over to Applejack and Rockhoof. “Perhaps Star Swirl would be more likely to respond to some charming, young unicorn mare?”

“Why?!” Rainbow Dash called out. “You know one?!”

“HEY!” both Rarity and Starlight protested.

“DOUBLE UP-TOP, PINKIE!”

Again, Pinkie zipped over towards Dash, and again, hoof bumps were exchanged.

Rarity let out a slightly exasperated sigh and looked up to Rockhoof. “Please let me talk to him, I’m sure my feminine wiles can help soothe this situation.”

Rockhoof gave Rarity an unsure look. “I wouldn’t risk it if I were you…”

Rarity furrowed her brow. “Why!? You don’t think I’m attractive enough?!”

Rockhoof raised a forehoof in front of himself. “Oh, your beauty is not in question, young mare. It’s simply that no mare’s feminine wiles have managed to tame Star Swirl’s anger.”

Rarity smiled confidently. “Perhaps I shall be the first then!”

Rockhoof furrowed his bushy orange brow in concern, before voicing a quiet, rumbling query. “Oh. Star Swirl?”

“FEEL MY UNRELENTING HOOVES OF FURY, YOU BOVINE IN PONY FORM!”

“Yes, quite. Amongst our group, which mare would you say is the most attractive?”

“Tis is a trick question, that!” Star Swirl declared. “All mares are hideous mewling quims without exception who drain the lifeforce from men and should be locked away in closets for breeding purposes only.”

Rarity and Applejack’s eyes shot open wide. “Jus’ gonna put it out there,” Applejack said, “Ah’m experiencing a level of anger previously unknown to me. Again, just wanna throw that out there for the good of the group.”

“In with the good air…” Rarity took a deep breath. “Out with the bad…” she exhaled and looked up at Rockhoof. “His opinions being as objectively terrible as they are, for the sake of my dear friend Twilight, I feel I simply must make an earnest attempt here.”

Rockhoof gave Rarity a small, good-natured smile as he planted his shovel with one hoof and motioned to Star Swirl with the other.

Rarity said as she strode around Rockhoof. “Oh, yoo-hoo! Mr. Star Swirl! I must say I’m ever such a big fan of your work!” Rarity said, batting her eyelashes at the elder mage. “And you are far more handsome a stallion than I could have ever dreamed. Your beard is simply a sight to behold!”

Star Swirl’s pummeling slowly stopped until he was merely swatting Rockhoof before dwindling to nothing at all. “Madam, you have exactly two minutes to ask me whatever you wish to ask before I either comply or swat you across the face. I reserve the right to do both should I choose.”

“Oh, erm… Well… you see—”

Star Swirl narrowed his eyes. “Also, your mane looks like it was rolled up into some great wheel contraption!”

“I beg your bucking pardon?!” Rarity snapped.

“Denied!” Star Swirl replied. “P.S. Tick-tock.”

Rarity took a deep breath and forced softness back into her expression. “Star Swirl, you have such lovely”— Rarity cringed and immediately put back on her previous expression —“taste in both hats and capes, if I may say so myself!”

“You may,” Star Swirl said.

“May I touch your cape?”

“You may not!” Star Swirl snapped as he reared back onto his haunches and snatched up his cape to the jangle of bells.

Rarity let out a small sigh of relief and then forced a frown. “But, I just wanted to…” Rarity sighed heavily and motioned with a forehoof. “Rockhoof, darling, would you mind moving a scooch?”

“Not at all!” Rockhoof replied as he took a few steps forward allowing Star Swirl and Rarity line of sight to Twilight who was finally getting her tears under control.

Rarity motioned towards Twilight. “The mare you see in front of you is a powerful and accomplished magician in her own right! Why she was once a unicorn like yourself until she completed one of your very spells and ascended to Princesshood!”

Star Swirl glared out at Twilight, doubt written across his forehead. “Really? She was able to overcome the obvious shortfalls as a mare and improve upon one of my spells?”

Rarity held a smile on her face, but it was starting to become clear it was being held against her will. “Erm, quite. She’s an avid studier of your work and even was able to free you after a mere few days of research.”

“Terrible mistake! The literal worst!” Star Swirl snapped.

“Well, Twilight feels ever so bad about that and—”

“Second worst mistake was that mare’s parents conceiving her!”

Everypony in the immediate vicinity pulled a face like they just took a back-kick to the heart, with the exception of Rockhoof who simply rolled his eyes.

Twilight threw back her head and began to wail pathetically. Pinkie and Fluttershy immediately began to console her as best as they could.

“See!” Star Swirl motioned to Twilight. “There she goes again! I swear, all you mares… one mention that someone thinks it would have been better had you not been born and you act like your whole world crumbles!”

“Ah,” Applejack said, “so this is what it feels like to wanna commit a murder.”

With a herculean effort made clear by the several visible veins on Rarity’s face, neck, and forehead, Rarity maintained the barest hints of a smile and civility. “Her only hope was to meet and be of service to you. I assure you, Twilight is a magician of a caliber practically unrivaled in all of Equestria.”

Starlight raised a foreleg. “Hey, but I almost—”

Rarity’s head cocked to the side as her smile fell askew. “Not important right now, Starlight, dear~!” she warbled.

“Right, I’ll shut up,” Starlight said.

Rarity continued, “It is quite possible, nay, probable that with Twilight’s help you can send the Pony of Shadows back to Limbo without trapping anypony else. Why, if any pony can do it, Twilight can! And why deny Equestria the sight of your-hurk—” Rarity quickly raised a forehoof to cover her mouth, her cheeks puffing out before she made a pained swallow and kept her, smile- frayed, beaten, and dying that it was- on her face “—handsomebell hats and wonderful capes!”

Star Swirl glanced upwards towards the brim of his bell hat and stroked his beard. “Well, my taste in bell hats and capes is impeccable…”

Rarity quickly dashed off to the nearest bush. There was a sickly sloshing sound before Rarity raised her head, produced an azure handkerchief she swiped across her mouth and galloped back in front of Star Swirl while she lobbed the used handkerchief into the -likewise used- bush. She once again stood in front of him, her smile a thing in the vaguest of shapes only.

Seemingly not noticed Rarity’s brief absence, Star Swirl looked down, his bells ringing slightly as he did. “Very well, Ms. Animal-by-product monstrosity—”

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME A-ANIMAL DUNG?!”

“That was not my intent,” Star Swirl replied.

“Ah think, he meant ‘marshmallow’, Rarity,” Applejack said.

“Oh… Well, I suppose I’ve heard that one quite a few—”

“However, if the horseshoe fits!”

Rarity opened her mouth to shriek, but no sound came out.

“Ow!” a distant call from Spike called out. “I don’t know who just did that, but I’m pretty sure dog me is pretty upset right now.”

-~Across dimensions in a high school~-

“GHA?!” Spike erupted out of the backpack he was sitting in and landed on all fours on the carpeted floor as he began to swat at his hears with his paws. “What the heck, Rarity?!”

Rarity looked up from the textbook her face was buried in. “I beg your pardon?”

“Ouch…” Spike swatted as his ears some more. “Denied.”

“Miss Twilight Sparkle!” A male adult with light-tan skin and wavy black hair growled out while perched in front of a chalkboard laden with numbers. “Did you bring a dog to school?!”

The bespectacled Twilight Sparkle shrank in her desk. “Sorry, Mr. Doodle. He usually stays in his backpack…”

“He’s not to be at school at all!” Doodle retorted.

“Oh, cut her some slack,” Sunset Shimmer said in a bored tone as she flipped through her own textbook. “She’s a superhero.”

“OH!” Mr. Doodle said in an incredulous tone. “And I suppose that means you think certain rules shouldn’t apply to her?”

“… Yes?” Sunset Shimmer replied in a somewhat confused tone as she looked above her book. “We have to save the school and city from magical nonsense, which means we occasionally have to leave class in the middle of it, ignore laws here and there, and employ talking dogs to help us… Why are we having this conversation?”

Mr. Doodle fumed at Sunset. “Well, at the very least, that talking dog needs to go to the office and get a visitor's badge!”

Growling, Spike padded towards the door of the class. “Geez… I can’t believe you’d just do that, Rarity! The nerve!”

“But… What’d I do?! What did I do?!” Rarity cried frantically.

Spike stopped at the door and glared up at it. “Someone open this dumb door! I’m small and don’t have thumbs!”

-~Back in horse dimension~-

“—I shall speak to this Twilight…” Star Swirl said.

Rarity let out a sigh of relief as Star Swirl took a couple steps away from her.

“Oh, yes!” Star Swirl cried. “I almost forgot one thing!”

“Uh, yes?” Rarity asked.

Star Swirl turned and swatted Rarity across the face as he did.

Rarity paused, mouth hanging agape, her mind desperately trying to catch up with what just happened. With a satisfactory nod, Star Swirl turned and began trotting over towards Twilight.

Applejack spoke up, “Is it murder if everypony thinks the victim is already long dead?”

“Hold me back, Applejack!” Rarity declared. “If you shan’t hold me back, that vile ruffian’s beard will be made into my new dish-rag!”

“Yeah, not really inclined to stop ya,” Applejack said.

“He’s so infuriating!” Rarity cried.

“Yeah, Ah know,” Applejack agreed. “Ah’ve been here the entire time. Now, before you and I start figurin’ out how to make Star Swirl’s untimely… er… way overdue end look like an accident...” Applejack looked up at Rockhoof. “How the hay do you five put up with that bearded bastard?”

Rockhoof gave Applejack a big, warm smile. "We are all quite drunk literally all the time."

Applejack and Rarity exchanged a quick glance.

"So,” Rarity began, “Right now, you're...?"

"Verily!" Taking his shovel in his hooves, Rockhoof quickly swung it toward the bushel of grapes, expertly severing a bunch from their vine and quickly maneuvering the shovel to catch it. He immediately raised the end to his mouth. “Come to papa, you delectable treats!” he said as he opened wide and allowed the entire bunch to fall into his waiting maw. Quickly chewing and swallowing, he grinned gleefully. “Ah! Yes! It’s the only thing that makes time with that miserable old goat bearable!”

“WHO IS INSULTING MY GOAT?!” Star Swirl screeched as he stood in front of Twilight.

Still holding onto Twilight, Pinkie had her lips pursed closed as her cheeks burned red and she glared at aforementioned goat with an anger pretty much the antithesis of her usual bubbly nature. Likewise, Fluttershy stared at Star Swirl with wide, open eyes and lips held in a tight, straight line. Her expression was almost unreadable, save for a glint in her eyes that seemed to repeat ‘kill, kill, kill’ over and over again.

“Er… Hi!” Twilight offered in an oddly cheery tone given the past few minutes. “I feel we got off on the wrong hoof,” Twilight extended a forehoof. “My name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m the Princess of Friendship,” She couldn’t help but titter excitedly, “and your biggest fan in Equestria.”

Star Swirl swatted the forehoof away. “I have no need to listen to or touch you, whelp!”

Twilight whimpered and retracted her forehoof as Pinkie began to growl like a dog protecting its owner and Fluttershy’s face tightened further.

“All I need is your compliance!” Star Swirl said. “Do you promise to do anything I tell you without question or whining?!”

“Uh…” Twilight thought about this for a moment. “Yes to the first, and I can at least promise to only whine behind your back.”

Star Swirl nodded. “I suppose that’s the best I can expect from a mare. Very well, you are hereby allowed to assist me in fixing the problem you caused, you half-brained, witless ninny.”

Twilight swallowed. “I won’t let you down!”

“It is far too late for that, but perhaps you can prove to me you’re some sort of exceedingly rare credit to your gender.”

Pinkie’s head suddenly tilted 90 degrees with an audible ‘snap’ and she pulled back a forehoof.

“Can we have a moment, please?” Fluttershy asked sweetly before Pinkie could let her hoof fly.

Star Swirl glared at the girls. “Ah, you three need your privacy to use the washroom, I take it?”

“Erm, that sounds plausible,” Fluttershy answered.

“FINE!” Star Swirl snapped as he trotted away. “Well, be quick about it! Or at least as quick as you can tend to your strange and gross female needs.” He added, practically spitting out the word ‘female’. Star Swirl turned. “Pillars, to me! We have to make a plan for when we next see the Pony of Shadows! I will come up with the plan and you will all tell me how great it is!”

The mares watched Star Swirl trot away. When it seemed he was out of earshot, Pinkie finally exploded in both words and anger. “Twilight, are you loco in the coco?! How are going to work with that big meanie meanie-pants flank-hole?!”She motioned towards Star Swirl.

Twilight winced slightly. “I accidentally released a terror on Equestria Pinkie, he has a right to be angry with me…”

“Maybe?! And that’s a HUGE freakin’ maybe! I mean… Starlight does that like every other month and we’re still friends with her!” Pinkie’s face tightened once more. “Even if you messed up, he doesn’t have the right to talk to you or anypony the way he does!” Pinkie turned towards Fluttershy. “Right, Fluttershy?”

“Yes,” Fluttershy said simply.

Twilight took a deep breath. “Girls, I appreciate—”

Fluttershy interrupted, “Star Swirl the Bearded is the worst pony I have ever met, ever. Every second in his presence I spend quietly trying to remind myself it’d would be ‘wrong’ to call a menagerie of angry animals, both big and small, to rip into him and cackle manically as I laugh and laugh to the sounds of his frantic screaming.”

Twilight’s amethyst eyes opened wide. “Fluttershy? I think you may need to calm down a little…”

“No, Twilight!” Pinkie hissed. “You need to get mad here! Fluttershy is mad! Twilight, you completed one of Star Swirl’s spells with the magic of friendship and became a princess! You shouldn’t have to put up with this! Nopony should!”

“Be GONE, harlot!” Star Swirl’s voice rang out.

Somnambula’s mirthful laughter filled the air. “Welcome to the ‘Harlot’s Club’, Rainbow Dash!”

“SILENCE YOU CONTEMPTIBLE WENCH!”

Somnambula giggled. “I adore you as well, you bearded old goat.”

“EVERYPONY STOP BRINGING UP MY GOAT!”

Rainbow Dash hovered over to Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie. Starlight and Sunburst trotting behind her as Rarity and Applejack also came to join the group.

“Hey, guys?” Rainbow Dash said. “What’s a ‘harlot’?”

“‘Harlot’ means prostitute, darling,” Rarity informed.

“What?!” Rainbow Dash cried angrily. “The nerve of that guy.”

Rarity nodded. “He is, literally, the worst pony I’ve ever met.”

“I know, right?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. She motioned to herself. “I don’t charge for sex! I’m really more of a slut!”

Applejack let out a heavy sigh and raised a forehoof to her face, clenching her eyes tightly. “Yes, that’s the problem.”

“Now, everypony,” Starlight chimed in, “uh… possibly unpopular idea time, but have you all considered murder?”

“Starlight!” Twilight chastised.

“Ah have considered murder,” Applejack said.

“Me as well,” Rarity chimed in.

“Me too,” Fluttershy cried.

“Me three! Or FIVE even!” Pinkie chimed in.

“What! Girls!” Twilight cried. “We can’t just murder one of Equestria’s greatest wizards!”

Starlight smiled slightly. “Okay, but is it really murder if everypony thinks he’s already dead?”

“That’s what Ah said!” Applejack exclaimed.

Twilight let out a small, annoyed groan.

“Groaning isn’t going to fix this, Twilight!” Pinkie said. “Knives might!”

“We’re not going to kill anypony!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Erm,” Sunburst spoke up, “What about the Pony of Shadows?”

“We’re maybe killing somepony!” Twilight said. “But not Star Swirl!”

A series of disappointed groans escaped the lips of the mares present.

Sunburst looked around. “Has anypony seen Spike the Brave and Glorious?”

Rarity looked about. “I thought I heard him earlier…”

“You don’t need to say his title all the time, Sunburst,” Applejack said.

“Oh?” Sunburst replied, “Er, but Spike insisted upon it.”

“Pfft! I would!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Here! I’m here!” Spike said as he crested a nearby hill, a hand-drawn cart covered in a blue tarp behind him, whatever was under the tarp clearly having filled the cart until it was nearly spilling over. Everypony peered curiously at the dragon’s wagon as he walked up to the group. “Alright! Spike on deck to help you deal with one PoS.”

“Spike!” Twilight chastised. “Language.”

“Uh, Twi?” Applejack said. “Ah think Spike just means the ‘Pony of Shadows’.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” Twilight said.

Spike shook his head. “Actually, I was talking about Star Swirl.”

“Spike!” Twilight snapped.

Applejack nodded. “Ah still feel Spike is in the right here.”

Most the mares present nodded in agreement.

“Uh, hey Spike…” Fluttershy greeted. “Er… Where have you been?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie shrieked. “Where were you when Twilight needed you?”

Spike pointed behind him with his claws. “You guys seemed busy so I decided to keep track of the shadow monster thing... Figure out what we’re up against.”

“Oh! Good idea, Spike!” Twilight said.

Pinkie gave Spike a vexed look. “Okay, but Twilight really needed your help! You know she calms right down when she cuddles her number one assistant!”

Twilight let out a small nervous chuckle as her cheeks began to turn pink.

“Look, I heard Twilight crying and I knew I had to get out of here.”

“Ugh, typical guy move!” Applejack griped. “Just a bit of emotion and you start running away.”

“Wow, sexist much, AJ?” Spike countered. He suddenly pulled the tarp from his wagon revealing a few dozen aerosol cans piled high. “I had to leave because I needed to find as much spray mace the immediate area had, a tarp, and a cart to carry it all in. Now, are you all going to get on my case, or are we going to pick up that mace and help me hose Star Swirl down?”

Immediately, every mare present, except Twilight, all dove for the cart and quickly emptied its contents. The sound of cans being shaken vigorously filled the air.

“Wait, stop!” Twilight pleaded. “We can’t just mace the greatest wizard to have ever lived!”

“I’m pretty sure we can,” Spike replied as he shook one of the mace cans in a claw.

Pinkie giggled. “Hehe… ‘Can’,” she uttered shaking a thing of mace in each forehoof and one in her hair curl.

“No!” Twilight insisted. “We need Star Swirl to find the Pony of Shadows again!”

Spike rolled his emerald eyes. “Twilight, PoS#1 is right there! You can see where the sky is really overcast?” Spike pointed past some trees and across a number of sloping hills to a modest collection of thatched-roof homes under a cloudy sky. “See! He’s so tall you can still see him above the roofs of the houses!”

“Uh… Oh!” Twilight said. “Okay, but we need Star Swirl to banish him!”

Spike shrugged. “Maybe? But PoS#1 isn’t really doing anything all that bad!”

Twilight inhaled then exhaled sharply. “Spike, if I stop to listen, I can hear the screams of ponies from here!”

“That’s just your opinion, Twilight.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I’m fairly certain that ponies are screaming is objective fact, Spike.”

“Many would call that singing,” Spike countered.

“What?!” Twilight cried.

A haunting piano refrain drifted on the wind followed by a distant, “Its starts with One—!”

“One thing, I don’t know why,”

“It’s doesn’t even matter how hard you try…”

“See!” Spike exclaimed. “All I’ve seen the PoS#1 do is eat really spicy food just so he ‘feels something’, litter, cover his eyes and sob to himself, and steal ponies’ record players and nu-metal albums so he can listen to the music with the volume cranked.”

Sunburst’s face contorted in confusion. “So, the Pony of Shadows isn’t terrorizing anypony?”

“That doesn’t make sense!” Twilight exclaimed. “He attacked us!”

“Erm… Actually, he attacked Star Swirl,” Fluttershy pointed out, adding “And really… Who could blame him?” Everypony turned to look at the mare who continued, “You and Starlight just defended Star Swirl…”

“Okay, but he’s still a menace!” Twilight insisted. “I mean… He has to be stopped, right?”

Spike shrugged. “Well, I wouldn’t say he’s not bugging anypony, but aside from the attack on PoS#2 and destroying Ponehenge, I think the pony most being terrorized over there is the Pony of Shadows himself.”

-~Earlier~-

Spike poked his head out of a store, the sign above naming it, ‘The Pepper Spray and Make them Pray for a Swift Death Store!’ with a small sign that added, ‘More pepper spray than you can use to cover a crotchety old man with!’.

“Hey!” a blue-gray stallion with a blonde coiffed mohawk called out.“That monster just stole my records! Give them back! I was once hugged by Twilight Sparkle, you know!”

“YOU CANNOT MAKE ME, MORTAL!” A deep, dark voice bellowed before it crumpled up a wrapper labeled ‘Spicy Chicken Sandwich’ and threw it at the pony. “FOR YOU ARE NOT MY REAL DAD!”

The wrapper bounced harmlessly off the miffed stallion before the Pony of Shadows covered his shadow ‘eyes’ with his forehooves. “OH, FATHER!” it called in an unterrestrial tone that reverberated through the air. “WHY DID YOU NOT LOVE ME?!”

-~Back in the Present~-

~~PoS#2~~ Star Swirl trotted back up to the group of mares, bright orange stallion, and purple and green dragon, the cans of mace having been put back into the wagon much to the obvious chagrin of nearly the entire group. “Alright,” Star Swirl began, “I’ve talked to the Pillars. They have agreed to help, and by that, I mean they have agreed to stay out of my way and lavish me with compliments upon my eventual success. Have you properly taken care of all of your superfluous mare nonsense?” Starlight asked Twilight.

Most the group collectively began to let out small growls of irritation as hooves and claws slowly reached for the wagon.

“We have!” Twilight said. “I did want to introduce you to—”

“Wait, stop talking!” Star Swirl said. “Though, I understand that is difficult for your gender.” Star Swirl focused his attention on Sunburst. “Who is this one that has such fine taste in capes?”

A surprised smile crossed Sunburst’s face. “Oh, er, uh, thank you?”

“Uh, that’s Sunburst,” Twilight said. “He’s the one who helped discover your journal which—”

“CEASE YOUR INSIPID PRATTLING WOMAN!” Star Swirl turned towards Sunburst again. “Sunburst, eh? So you too helped release me?”

“Oh, erm, well,” Sunburst rubbed the back of his head. “I mostly just found your old journal,” he answered Star Swirl.

Star Swirl nodded. “You must have a keen eye for magic to spot my book! You must be quite the accomplished wizard.”

Sunburst responded with a sheepish smile. “Well... I’m not very powerful… Er… At all… I guess I like to think I’m knowledgeable at least…”

“Oh, excuse me?” Starlight said.

“You’re not excused!” Snapped Star Swirl. “Go away.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Twilight was the one who’s unraveled the mysteries of two of your most complex spells.”

“Yes, yes,” Star Swirl said, “I’ve already been told the showy princess there has blundered through many of my spells.”

Hooves and claws reached for cans but were quickly swatted away by purple wings.

Starlight’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve also utilized one of your spells… and improved upon it!”

“Broken it is more likely!” scoffed Star Swirl. “Why, my spells are absolute perfection!” He shook his head. “How could a mare possibly improve upon one?”

Starlight smiled smugly. “Well, I managed to use your time spell to go back years instead of a week!”

“What?!” Star Swirl cried in surprise. “Whatever for?!”

“Well… I was kinda going through this whole ‘revenge phase’ and tried to prove to Twilight that one band of friends and cutie marks as a whole were unimportant… That kinda backfired… The point is both Twilight and I have taken your spells and made them better!”

“You dare use my time travel spell to go back more than a week!” Star Swirl took a moment to shake a forehoof at Starlight. “That spell is for going back in time to yell at one's servants so they may remind oneself of important tasks and dates and also to make meals on time! You dare use it for such trivialities?! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AT ONCE LEST I BANISH YOU TO TARTARUS WITH ALL THE PONIES THAT HAVE MADE FUN OF MY GLORIOUS BELL CAPES AND HATS YOU MOST FOUL AND DISGRACEFUL STRUMPET!”

Starlight grit her teeth together hard. “Girls? I’m going to need an alibi.”

“If anypony asks,” Applejack began, “you and Ah were never here. You were helpin’ me pick apples.”

“AJ, it’s not even apple harvest season!” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“Oh, then,” Applejack said, “We’ll just say we were burnin’ and saltin’ Strawberry Surprise’s fields, also we have ta burn and salt Strawberry Surprise’s fields.”

“Works for me!” Starlight agreed.

“No! No! No!” Twilight exclaimed. She let out a groan. “Star Swirl? Can you give us another moment!”

“By the GODS you mares and your unquenchable need for privy time!” Star Swirl let out a huff so strong that his bells once again jangled. “I’ll be a few yards over there muttering angrily to myself!” With that, Star Swirl stormed off to begin passing back and forth as he started grumbling loudly.

Twilight looked over her friends. “No salting, no burning, and most importantly no murder!”

A series of disappointed “Ahhh”’s filled the air.

“And AJ, you were going to lie!” Twilight accused as she pointed at Applejack.

“Ah feel that maybe I’ve now learned that sometimes a little white lie is necessary as a grown mare. Ah suppose that’s the tragic truth of society, but also a necessary one as a functional adult. This revelation is so important to me Ah’m sure it’s created some magic apple key somewhere or Ah’ve developed a new superpower.”

“You were going to murder Star Swirl! How is that a ‘white lie’.”

Starlight raised a forehoof. “Actually, I was going to murder Star Swirl. Applejack was just going to cover for me… plus we were going to take out Strawberry Surprise’s fields.”

“No! No more crimes!”

“Fine,” Applejack huffed out.

“I promise nothing,” Starlight said. She glanced upwards and bobbed her head back and forth. “But that’s more me being self-aware than saying I’m going to willingly engage in something society deems as illegal.”

“Ugh, look!” Twilight said. “I messed this up and I’ll fix it! Starlight, I guess you can sit this one out… Sunburst can help me. Star Swirl seems to like him.”

“Probably because he has a dick,” Spike pointed out.

“Spike!” Twilight exclaimed as the other mares present began tittering to themselves and Sunburst blushed slightly.

“Hey, I have a dick!” Spike said. “Two in fact!”

“… Really?” Starlight said in sudden interest.

“Maybe he’ll let me help!” Spike suggested. “Maybe twice as much!”

Twilight nodded. “He’d better, I don’t know what I’d do without my #1 cuddle bu-I mean-assistant!” she sighed and pointed away. “The rest of you girls can go hang out with the Pillars, I guess.”

“Way ahead of you!” Rainbow Dash called out. One of Flash Magnus’s wings had already wrapped around the mare.

Rarity considered this. “Hmm… Getting white-mare wasted does seem to be the next best course of action.”

Most of the other mares present agreed.

Starlight gave Twilight an unsure look. “Are you sure you got this?”

“So, he’s a little bit cranky!” Twilight said.

A series of protests around the word ‘little’ suddenly erupted from the group.

“I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle. Come on Spike, Sunburst! We’re going to save Equestria!”

Spike rolled his eyes. “More like we’re going to cut down on Equestrian noise complaints and make sure ponies don’t get vitamin D deficiencies, but whatever…”

Starlight moved her unsure look over to Sunburst. “Are you sure you got this?”

Sunburst blushed slightly. “Well, I’m a bit overwhelmed by getting to work with the legendary Star Swirl the Bearded, but I hope I’ll prove myself useful!”

“... What?!” Starlight exclaimed.

Spike sighed and raised a claw to his face. “Seriously?”

“Did… did I miss something?” Sunburst said as he looked between Starlight and Spike.

“Uh… Only Star Swirl’s horrible personality?!” Starlight offered.

“I’m not sure how though!” Spike exclaimed. “It’s bigger than a yak and somehow twice as rude!”

“Oh, well… Sure, he’s a little rough around the edges—” Sunburst said.

“Right?!” Twilight chirped or perhaps cawed out with a large, strained smile.

“—but it’s not like spellcasters aren’t known for their little idiosyncrasies.”

“Right?! RIGHT?!” Twilight piled on, her smile seeming like it might break at a moment’s notice.

Starlight said nothing, instead letting her twitching eye and twisted, open lips do the talking for her.

Spike’s shoulders slumped. “Glad I have enough wang for both the guys here…” he uttered in a disappointed tone.

Starlight peered at Sunburst curiously. “Sunburst, I know there’s a bit of this going around, but maybe you’re a little blinded by seeing one of your heroes.”

“Oh… You think?” Sunburst replied in a tone of genuine shock.

“Yeah, definitely,” Spike said.

Starlight put a forehoof on Sunburst’s shoulder. “Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for you to wait this one out a little until you got a better perspe—”

Twilight suddenly reached forward with both her forelegs and took one of Sunburst’s forehooves in her own. She gazed into Sunburst’s sapphire eyes with her big, wide amethyst ones. “Sunburst, I’m sorry. Things must be getting so hard for you…”

“Be-begging your pardon!?” Sunburst said, his glasses slipping slightly.

“Wait…” Starlight said. “What are you—”

“Sunburst, I need you!” Twilight said.

“Oh, er, uh… I, uh…”

Starlight’s jaw dropped and she opened up her mouth like she was going to let out a shriek but no sound came out.

Spike winced, and soon somewhere across dimensions a dog that looked much like, and sounded exactly like him let out a pained “Whyyyy?!”

Twilight continued, “I need you to help me with researching spells that can help me clear up this mess! If Starlight isn’t going to be allowed to help, I’m definitely going to need somepony that can add another point of view.” Twilight smiled. “Besides, there really isn’t a pony as knowledgeable about spells as you are!”

Starlight’s expression softened somewhat, but she still glared at Twilight grasping Sunburst’s forehoof.

“Oh, well... “ Sunburst smiled. “If you put it that way, then I’d be delighted to help you!”

“WOULD YOU CEASE PAWING AT MY NEW ASSISTANT AND GET ON WITH IT, YOU PURPLE EYE-SORE!” Star Swirl called out.

Twilight retracted her forehooves.

“Somewhat less delighted,” Sunburst added.

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to this at all,” Spike chimed in. “But Twilight’s gonna need all the help she can get.”

Twilight smiled. “Thank you. Both of you!” Her smile widened. “I’m sure we’ll get this all sorted out in no time! No time at all!” Her smile widened even further as did her eyes. “And then… And then Star Swirl will like me and tell me what a great magic user I am!”

“Oh, Twilight?” Spike called out in concern.

“And then we’ll best friends and make all kinds of spells together!”

“Twilight!” Spike called out with a bit more force.

Twilight’s smile widened until it was clear her muscles were straining holding it in place. “And then he’ll see that there’s nothing wrong with being a mare and be nice and we’ll write all the books, all of them, and Equestria will be safe forever!”

Starlight and Sunburst exchanged concerned looks as Spike just sighed and brought a claw up to his face. “Let’s just… Let’s just get this over with.”

Twilight, Spike, and Sunburst all made their way over to Star Swirl. Who turned, glared for a moment, then focused his attention on Spike before exploding in anger. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF TARTARUS IS THAT MONSTROSITY?!”

“Uhhh… That’s Spike!” Twilight attempted to inform cheerfully. “He’s a young—”

“You DARE conjure foul single clawed beasts from the underworld to do your bidding?!” Star Swirl accused.

“But Spike has…” Twilight turned. “Spike! Stop shooting Star Swirl ‘the double deuce’ this instant!”

Star Swirl shook his head. “DISPEL THAT MONSTER AT ONCE AND MEET ME IN MY STUDY TEN SECONDS FROM NOW THAT I MAY GIVE YOU A SEVERE TONGUE LASHING!” Star Swirl said as he stormed off.

“You no longer HAVE a study, you old coot!” Mistmane exclaimed.

Star Swirl let out an enraged growl. “Fine!” He glared at Twilight. “Please dispel that most unholy of creatures and direct me to your study that I may give you a severe tongue-lashing there!” he exclaimed before he continued stomping away.

Twilight let out a distressed cry before calling out with a, “But—”

“Twilight, it’s fine!” Spike insisted.

“No, it’s not!” Twilight exclaimed her voice suddenly having turned frantic. She turned towards Spike. “With you gone, who will I stress cuddle?!”

Spike shrugged. “You can always hug Sunburst. He looks soft enough.”

Sunburst’s face started to glow an illuminant shade of red. “Oh, well… If it will make you feel better, Princess, I suppose that’s oka—”

“GIIIIIVE!” Twilight roared in a deep, needy voice as she quickly took Sunburst in a magenta glow and pulled him into her tight, vice-like waiting embrace.

“Gackkkk!” Sunburst uttered as Twilight squeezed him tightly, Starlight shooting the pair a somewhat envious glare as she snapped a bunch of the grapes in an electric blue glow and shoved them into her mouth.

“Yeah, she hugs hard, dude,” Spike informed.

“Wait, but what are you going to do, Spike?!” Twilight asked.

Spike clasped his claws behind his back and gave Twilight a mischievous smile. “Oh, don’t worry… I’ll keep myself occupied.”

“… Spike, are you plotting something?”

“Who, me?” Spike said as he pointed to himself with a thumb claw. “Scoff and shock, Twilight Sparkle! Scoff. And. Shock!”

“Okay, but I know that look! That’s you’re ‘I’m definitely going to do something’ look!”

“Twilight…” Sunburst gasped out. “Can you loosen up… Having trouble breathing here…”

“Whoops…” Twilight said as she let go of Sunburst who collapsed to the ground. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay…” Sunburst mumbled in a daze.

“Twilight, I promise I’m not up to anything!”

“You promise?”

Spike held up two claws up in a ‘V’ shape. “Scouts Honor!”

Twilight let out a sigh. “Okay then…” she said with not an unnoticeable degree of sadness. “Let’s go, Sunburst.”

Spike watched the pair walk off before removing his second claw from behind his back, two of the claws crossed over each other. “Like I’m a Scout…” he uttered as a sinister smile crossed his face.

Once the group had arrived back at Twilight's Castle and Star Swirl had separated Twilight long enough to yell at her in the privacy of her own study, Spike walked down the empty hallways of Twilight’s castle, the other ponies were busy enjoying revels or getting to know each other, with an emphasis of ‘know’ in some cases. Spike threw open the one of the set of gold trimmed, green crystalline doors and stared at a large, four post bed with royal purple drapes tied to the front most posts, a mulberry bedspread, and a large crystalline lilac and light purple roof. He walked past it up to a nightstand with a shaded lamp on top and opened the compartment under which the lamp sat on top of. Smiling demonically to himself. Spike pulled out a hard-bound book that had half of Twilight’s cutie mark on it, and the other half a sort of curvy sun.

Walking the book over to a desk with a quill and ink, he placed it on the desk, got up on a chair, opened the book to a blank page and began to write.

‘Hey, Sunset. It’s Spike… We have a code Star Swirl. Repeat we, have a code Star Swirl.’

Spike waited patiently for a moment. With a flash of fiery light, words began to appear in response.

‘You don’t need to repeat anything. It’s a book. I can just reread anything I don’t get initially. Also, what? That’s a new one. Is that like, some pony has bucked up a Star Swirl spell?’

‘Sort of?’

‘Starlight or Twilight?’ There was a brief pause before the words ‘Or both?’ were scrawled across the page.

‘Kinda both? More even? Sunburst, Starlight, Twilight all sorta had a hoof in this, but you see—’

‘Hold on a sec.’

‘Uh, sure.’

‘Right. Sorry. The teacher was getting on my case for ‘interdimensional texting’ and I told them that both Equestria and this world might be at stake and the school is usually ground zero for this crap.’

‘Okay, so—’

‘I mean, I could have said that and continued writing, but I needed my hand to shoot him the bird. You were saying all THREE of those ponies messed something up? Is just… All of Equestria on fire right now and you can only write to me because you're fireproof?!’

‘It’s not quite that bad and they meant well.’

‘They usually do. Well, Twilight does. I love Starry to death, but I’m not convinced she quite grasps the concept of ‘meaning well’. Sunburst’ there was another pause ‘Sunburst I think could get roped into pulling all of Equestria into a magic black hole without a second thought, honestly…’

‘Look, Sunset, Star Swirl was in Limbo but now he’s not. Also, Twilight kinda unleashed some sort of Pony of Shadows that might destroy Equestria.”

‘Whoa! You mean, you actually need me for something that’s really important?’

‘Yes. Star Swirl.’

‘Star Swirl? Not the Pony of Shadows?! Wait! You mean the Star Swirl the Bearded, legendary sorcerer and one of the few things that keeps Mom up at night, still?!’

‘Yes to both things, also, What? Look. Like I don’t even know if the Pony of Shadows has done anything wrong except for maybe be spooky looking, make it cloudy, borrow angsty metal albums without asking, eat spicy sandwiches, and play music really loud in public? It’s just that Star Swirl says this is important, but I really haven’t seen any evidence that Equestria or anypony for that matter is in any danger.’

‘... Okay...

… Just...

… What...?’

‘Look. Star Swirl is a big flank-hole. Just like… the worst. He made Twilight cry almost immediately after getting out of Limbo… and I mean bad crying! Real ‘I’m hurt emotionally and need a hug, stat’ crying! I’ve watched that mare accidentally set a foreleg on fire before putting it out with a fire extinguisher and calmly asking me to fetch the burn cream. Plus, he won’t even talk to Starlight and threatened to send her to Tartarus! He thinks I’m a demon! A literal demon! And I think something went down with him and the rest of the girls? The only pony he seems to be willing to give the time of day to is Sunburst, and I’m pretty sure that’s just because Sunburst has a penis.’

The page remained blank as Spike stared at it for a good several seconds.

“Sunset?”

More emptiness.

‘Er… Are you being quiet because of the penis thing?’

‘Sorry, I just ran out of class. I’ll be right there.’

A chuffed smile appeared on Spike’s face. ‘Copy that. I’ll be waiting.’

Soon, a large dressing mirror flanked by lamp-shaped pillars and surrounded by various houses and wooden and metal contraptions glowed with a strange light. The pillars pulsated with magic energy and the surface of the mirror turned into a swirling, purple vortex.

And behold, out of the mirror came a fiery horse. Its name was Sunset Shimmer, and Hell followed with her.