Bloody Pit of Harmony

The daily routine at Sweet Apple Acres went a lot smoother with someone helping out. Big Mac had asked him what he and his friends were doing here, and Balsac was confused as to what ‘friends ‘meant. Big Mac did find out that his full name was Balsac the Jaws of Death, and he and his companions were part of an inter galactic group of genocidal alien conquerors known as GWAR. Big Mac was alarmed as to what they would be doing to Ponyville.

“Don’t sweat it Big,” assured Balsac. “We never pillage on the first day; we usually start by enslaving and brainwashing. But since Pustulus snorted all the coke, we don’t have any drugs, and we’ll have to get some before we do anything. If it’s any consolation to the lack of senseless violence, GWAR does not buy drugs; they just slaughter the dealer and take them.”

Big Mac was curious as to what Balsac was talking about, but chose not to inquire, and just gave his usual “eeyup.” Then he asked, “What made you want to help out on the farm?”

“Oh, that. Well, you see, I’m getting tired of the constant slaughtering of innocent life forms. I just want to settle down. Maybe have some little Jaws of Death to raise as my own. Farming seems like a really peaceful lifestyle.”

“Peaceful. That it may be, but it sure ain’t easy. But I do appreciate the help. Why don’t you come in and meet the family for dinner when we’re through.”

“That sounds nice.”

***

The work was done. Now the only thing Big Mac was worried about was what that alien had said about Balsac making a pass at him, but he didn’t seem interested at all, to Big Mac’s relief. He brought Balsac in the house, to come face to face with Granny Smith.

“Granny, um, this is the new farm hoof, Balsac the Jaws of Death,” said he.

“Please, just call me Balsac,” added Balsac.

“Is that an alien? How exciting, I haven’t seen one of you since the invasion shortly after the founding of Ponyville. A bloody war it was, but you aliens just didn’t count of us ponies opening a can of whoop ass on yawl.”

“All disrespect intended Granny, but GWAR is a lot more powerful than those chumps,” said Balsac. Then Granny and he shared a nice friendly laugh about it while she got dinner out of the oven.

“Hey yawl, I’m home,” said Applejack, entering the house. “You fellows ain’t gonna believe this, but me an’ the girls have to go to Ghastly Gorge to kick some invading alien flank tomorrow.” She then froze awkwardly when she saw the giant alien monster with huge steel jaws for a head. “What is that thing doing here?”

“Applejack, he’s a friend, he helped out on the farm today,” Big Mac told her.

“So you wouldn’t know anything about the aliens that we have to fight tomorrow, would ya?” Applejack asked Balsac.

“Oh, those are just my fellow murderous aliens. Sorry about that, but pony existence is futile for you ponies. All GWAR knows is killing.”

“Then why don’t you and me settle this; right here, right now,” replied Applejack.

“C’mon Applejack, let’s just have a peaceful night with no fightin’,” said Big Mac, trying to avoid a violent outcome.

“What does ‘peaceful’ mean,” asked Balsac.

“I think you could learn a thing or two from us ponies,” stated Granny Smith.

“Why doesn’t yawl give friendship, love, and peace a try?” Applejack asked to Balsac.

Balsac stood there almost in a trance for a few seconds before quietly saying, “We could try; it wouldn’t be easy for us.”

“Nothing worth doing is easy, sugar cube,” said Applejack, giving him a comforting smile.

It was then that Apple Bloom walked in the house. She was banging her head as if she was listening to a heavy song. “What the buck’s up family; we eatin’ some dead bohabs tonight? I’m ready to slay. Oh, how’s it going dude. You must be Balsac the Jaws of Death.”

“Apple Bloom, don’t tell me you met some of these aliens,” said Applejack.

“We sure did sis. In fact, they made our clubhouse the ultimate death machine and showed us how to kill with sheer brutal metal music!”

Applejack was concerned that the invading aliens were getting this acquainted with her family. Answers could wait until tomorrow though; she just wanted to eat dinner and forget about all this nonsense.