Bloody Pit of Harmony

Twist was so excited that her new alien friend, Beefcake the Mighty, was going to show up at school today. But when she arrived at school, he wasn’t there. After some brief classes by Ms. Cheerilee, it was time for show and tell. It was okay though, because she would just wait until the end to go. When it was finally her turn to go, Beefcake the Mighty barged through the door of the schoolhouse.

“Hey there Twist,” he said. “Sorry, but they don’t have any guns in Ponyville. I take it you brought me here to pull off a school shooting. Well, there ain’t gonna be a shooting, but we can still kill all of your classmates the old fashion way!” He pulled out a giant battle axe and got ready to take Cheerilee’s head off.

“Twist, what the hay is going on?” asked Cheerilee.

“Beefcake, stop, please! I didn’t ask you here to kill anyone. I thought you could tell the class about what you are and where you’re from,” said Twist.

“Oh. Well, this is awkward. It goes against every fiber of my being not to blow this school up, but I’ll participate,” said Beefcake.

Before he could say anything, Apple Bloom said, “I know you! You’re a member of the intergalactic, genocidal band of warrior aliens known as GWAR. Me, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo jammed with Pustulus Maximus yesterday.”

“Stay metal, little filly,” said Beefcake. “Yes, I, Beefcake the Mighty, and the rest of GWAR are here to senselessly slaughter everypony in Equestria.”

“Wow, so cool,” Snips said to Snails.

“Yes, we are very cool,” said Beefcake.

“Twist, you can’t bring a murderous alien to school,” said a grumpy Cheerilee.

“Oh, but we do more than murder,” said Beefcake. “We also enslave and harvest souls. We also write killer metal, so we have a soundtrack to our slaying.”

“So,” said Cheerilee, “why haven’t you guys killed anypony yet; and where are the rest of you.”

“We’re saving our hatred for a bloodbath battle with your Princess Twilight and her friends. The rest of us are just hanging around Ponyville right now. Blothar and Jizmak are with the show pony Trixie and her friend, Starlight, hopefully not bucking them to death.”

“Oh my gosh!” said Snails. You guys know Trixie and her weird friend who tried to destroy everything that ever was and will be.”

“Yup, and we’re gonna put on a killer show that will end with all of you dead after we defeat Twilight.”

“Wow!” said Apple Bloom. “Can the Cutie Mark Crusaders play one of our new songs at it?”

“Wouldn’t be a murder show without some killer metal,” said Beefcake.

By the end of show and tell, all of Twist’s classmates were hardcore bohabs ready to give their lives and all of their money to GWAR. Cheerilee was still skeptical though, and after Beefcake left, Twist heard her say, “They’ve beaten everyone else. These jokes shouldn’t be any different.”