Chapters A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Prologue: Its Raining Men!
May, 20th, 2010. 2:37 A.M.
"Pinky please-please-please tell me why we are all-" Twilight pointed to the other four elements of harmony, -"standing out here in the middle of the night?" She asked looking just as displeased as the rest of the group. The group all grumbled as they fought off drowsiness and fatigue. Pinky jumped around facing her friends, a big smile plastered on her face. "My tails twitching and you know what that means!" She exclaimed not missing a hoof step as she twirled around and continued her treck to the center of town, all the while her tail gave a spastic twitch as she trotted. Rainbow rolled her eye's. " I swear some pony better be dying." She grumbled as they all followed Pinky who suddenly stopped as the group came to the source of her tails spasms.
"What are we doing at the lake dear?" Rarity asked as she stifled a yawn. Applejack looked around.
"Uh, Pinky there ain't nothing out here." She staited scratching her head and giving her surroundings another once over. Fluttershy held up the rear of the group and she too was trying to catch herself as she nearly dozed off. Twilight examined their surroundings as well.
"Pinky are you sure this isn't--" She was cut off as Pinky began to vibrate, hyperventilate and then proceeded to rapidly expand and contract. Rainbow face hoofed.
"Great just what we need, a doozy at 3 in the mourning." She deadpanned. Rainbow's snark didn't go unnoticed but just as Applejack was about to rebuff her the whole group was stopped dead in there tracks as a bright pillar of light shot up into the sky casting the shore into an ethereal glow of white light.
"What in the hay is that?!" Rainbow shouted over the roaring wind and unrestrained waves of magical energy that were bleeding off the pillar. Twilight cast a shield over herself and her friends. All six of them huddled together as they weathered the energy storm however just as Twilights shield was starting to crack the light, sound, wind, and magic suddenly ceased.
"What in tarnation was that?" Applejack asked as they all huddled there too shocked to move. No pony answered her for they had none to give. Their collective shock was disturbed by the unmistakable sound of some pony screaming. The group all looked around as the sound got closer and closer to there ear's. Finally, they all decided to look skyward and there illuminated by the bright full moon was some pony- no something falling out of the sky at a very rapid pace.
"Oh no." Rarity exclaimed as the group all saw the creature come ever closer to the ground. As most of the group was trying to plan out just what to do, Rainbow Dash had already been on point with some quick calculations as tie slowed down around her.
"Based on its speed and factoring in terminal velocity it should take me less than a tenth of a second to reach it and bring it down safely." With time still frozen to a crawl Dash flared her wing's and shot into the night sky like a blue missile, intent on seeing what all the pomp and circumstance was all about.
Joseph had no idea what was going on. One minute he was asleep in bed and the next he was falling through the sky. Then as if to make thing's worse his body was ripped out of the sky by a blue bur that then began to descend to the ground at a velocity that the average human body could barely withstand. "I better be having the most vivid out of body experience ever or the most exciting lucid dream of all time." He thought as his vision went dark from the massive G-forces going to town on his body.
As Rainbow came in for a landing the rest of the group stood there. "What-When-How?" Twilight babbled as she looked to were Rainbow was, then to the thing she was carrying, and then back to where she was just a second ago. Not wanting to miss out on an opportunity Dash struck a pose balancing the passed out creature on her back as she did so.
"Did you really forget that I'm the Rainbow Dash! Fastest flier in all of Equestria?" She was rewarded with stiff glare's from Rarity and Applejack while Twilight was still analyzing what had just happened, Pinky was passed out on the ground snoozing while Fluttershy was at dash's side examining the strange creature for any injury's. She inspected its body structure from top to bottom.
"Let's see here it appears to be a biped, about 100-120 pounds with a small layer of fur coating its body." Her eye's then roamed from its body to its face. Her inspection was cut short however by dash shivering.
"Hey, Flutters what do you say we continue the examination at the hospital ok?" She said as she turned around and began trotting towards Ponyville General. "Oh! Ok Rainbow." She looked at the rest of the group. Twilight had finally awoken from her stupor, Rarity and Applejack had hefted Pinky up off the ground and onto AJ's back.
"Yall go on ahead." Applejack said nodding at Pinky. "Me and Rare's here will make sure Pinky get's home safely." With that, the group split up, with Twilight following the Equestria's newest resident as her, Dash, and Fluttershy took it to the hospital.
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A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 1: The New Guy in Town, Part 1: Hospital.
May 30, 2010. 2:00, P.M.
"10 days. That's how long I've been stuck in this hospital." My thoughts were interrupted as the door to my room opened and in stepped Pinky. She waved at me, her face adorned with her signature smile that was infectious. My own face which had been downcast ever since I awoke that day like many others before it couldn't help but falter and smile along with her.
"Hello!" She cheerfully said bouncing up to my bed. I just laughed at her bubbly personality.
"Heya Pinky."
"So whatcha doing?" I chuckled and made a face before putting my hand up to my chin pretending to think. Pinky giggled at my overly dramatic display before she became impatient and began to prod my leg punctuating each prod with a,"Come on!" in an effort to get me to think faster. I finally relented in a fit of laughter and patted her on the head.
"Ok ok. For your information, I'm not doing much today." I said gesturing to my room. "As far as I know I'm just going to stay here until I get discharged by somepony." Pinky was thinking. Then she lept up and yelled, "AHA!" She said pointing a hoof at me. I was momentarily startled by this, still not used to Pinky's random outbursts.
"What?" I asked feeling very nervous. Pinky sat there lost in thought. "Hello?" I said snapping my fingers in front of her face. That got her attention.
"Huh? What?" She said looking around the room.
"Pinky?"
"Yes?"
"What's Aha mean?" I asked. She just snickered. "I can't tell you that silly. It would spoil the surprise." Suddenly she clamped a hoof over her mouth. "Oh no! If I tell you it will spoil the surprise then you won't be surprised when you're supposed to be surprised. Then what kind of surprise would that be? An anti-surprise surprise?" She mused as I sat there wondering just what she was talking about. She looked around the room once more and when her eyes fell on the clock hanging on the opposite side of the room her eye's went wide and bugged out of her skull.
"Oh no! I'm going to be late!" She shouted. She quickly shook my hand, babbling as she did so and quickly zipped out the door, slamming it shut as she went. I just shook my head.
"Any pony that can understand that mare deserves a medal." I could barely wrap my head around half the stuff that was going on in this world. And that was on a good day. And so I sat there staring off at the wall letting my brain wander. A few hours later the introspection of my current predicament was interrupted by my door opening and closing. I looked up just time to see Twilight trot up to my bed.
"Hey there." She said giving me a warm smile. I returned it with a soft sigh.
"Can't wait to get out of here can you?" I just nodded.
"Yeah. The food is nice and the beds are to die for." I said as I pressed down on one corner of my mattress letting my hand sink into it. "But I really need to get up and stretch my legs," I said as the door once again opened. This time I was greeted with the sight of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash arriving.
"Hey there furless!" Dash called causing me to laugh. "Hello to you to Fluttershy, Dash" I called out as they to trotted up to the side of my bed.
"Your due to be out today aren't you?" Fluttershy asked. I just smiled and nodded.
"Yup." I looked at the clock. "Only 2:30" "I was just telling Twilight here that I need to get out and about otherwise I might just go stir crazy." Dash visibly brightened.
"Hey yeah, we can help you out with that." She said sounding a little too enthusiastic. "Wow there Dash I just need to stretch my leg's not run a marathon," I told her with a soft smile. She just rolled her eye's. "You know you should really take those creepy plays of your and shove them out of your mind." She said sounding a little agitated. I sat there and thought about it. Then I just shrugged.
"Sorry Dash, it's going to take awhile to get those thought out of my head. They've sort of been ingrained in there from the first episode." She just huffed. "Ok fine I'll give you that but still." She looked out the window. "If you want to know the facts then just go out there and ask. We all have our own life's to live but we'll gladly show you the ropes." She said giving me a confident smirk. I just smiled back. "Man how lucky must I be to have landed here of all places." As I sat there something kept on nagging at me.
"Oh that's right." "Were are Rarity and Applejack?" I asked out of curiosity. Twilight turned to the door and then back to me.
"Oh, they were going to meet us over at Sweet Apple Acre's when we get done signing you out of here." She said as she looked over at the clock. She huffed and got up.
"Let me go see where the Dr is. I'll be right back." She said as she opened the door and trotted out. Dash turned back to the bed.
"So Joseph?" She asked not too sure if that was my name. I nodded and smirked. "Been here ten days and you still can't figure out my name?" I asked putting up a mask of hurt. Dash rolled her eye's. "You're not going to get me with that again furless." I just chuckled. "Ok Dash," I said looking over at her and Fluttershy who was humming a small tune to herself.
"So what do you want to know?" I asked catching Dash off guard. She gave me an inquisitive look then smirked.
"So these 'Episodes' of your's," She air quoted, "Exactly what all do they encompass when it comes to us and our adventures?" She looked as curious as I was when I first got here. I thought about it.
"Where to begin?" I said as I thought about it. Then I smiled. "Well there's this one episode--" And that was what I did for the next 30 or so minutes, sitting there in my bed explaining the series to her and Fluttershy who had scooted a little bit closer so she could hear better.
"And that's about it. There was only 1 season out when last I checked but I do believe it was going to have a second one done." I said thinking about it. Dash was giddy while Fluttershy was apprehensive.
"Wow! How amazing is that?" Dash nudged Fluttershy. "Were practically celebrity's over there where he lives." She got a faraway look in her eye as she thought about it. Fluttershy meanwhile shuffled her hooves.
"I-I-I guess that's good?" She stated not quite sure how to feel about the whole situation. Dash stopped her daydream and gave Fluttershy a sad smile.
"Oh yeah. You don't like a lot of attention." She mumbled as she cast her eyes down feeling like a jerk. "Sorry Flutters," Dash said rubbing the back of her head. Fluttershy just sighed and shook her head.
"Don't worry about it Dash. It's not your fault we're popular over on," She looked over to Joseph, "Earth right?" He just nodded and proceeded to roll his cover's off of him.
"Well I do apologize for causing a scene but I really need to get out of this bed." He said as he finally got tired of being neet and just through the blanket's off of himself. He instantly regretted doing that as he found to his shock and abject horror that he was completely nude underneath. He gave out an embarrassed sigh and quickly covered what he could with the edge of the blanket. Meanwhile, Dash and Fluttershy were lost in their own little conversation to which Joseph let out a breath of relief.
"At least that wasn't as--" "So I guess those clothes were for more than just show?" Dash said casting her head over in my direction with a soft smirk. My face must have instantly gone red because she snickered and trotted over to a nearby cabinet and pulled out a set of sweats. "How do they have those here?"
"Um, yeah. I kind of need those." I said sheepishly. "How could she have possibly noticed?" Seeing my bewildered look as she handed me my clothes she snickering again.
"1 as a pegasus I have to be constantly aware of my surrounding's at all times. Kind of comes in handy if you don't want to end up crashing immediately after take off." Then she grinned devilishly. "And 2 you don't have to worry about clothes here." If it was even possible her smirk got even bigger.
"Beside's it's not like we didn't see it all when the nurse ripped off what was left of your clothes when we got here." She then trotted off leaving me speechless. When I finally got my clothes on and regained my ability to speak I had two things on my mind. 1 "Who made these?" 2, "And what happened to my other clothes?" Dash burst out into a fit of laughter. "That's what you're worried about!?" She snickered as she lifted a hoof over to Fluttershy. "You tell him. I have to go and find out were Twi went off to." She said opening the door and trotting out still chortling to herself.
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A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 2: The New Guy In Town, Part 2: Motion Sickness.
Author's Note
Sorry that this chapter is a bit smaller compared to the last one but it is a two-parter. Anyway, enjoy!
Chapter 2: The New Guy In Town, Part 2: Motion Sickness.
May 30, 2010. 3:00, P.M.
"Ahh, It feels good to be out of that stuffy place," I said as I stretched out my arms and legs receiving a satisfying pop! for my efforts. Twilight had been talking with the Doc inquiring about my dietary needs as well as my general overall health. I was good to go and as fit as I could get. I was told to take it easy and not overtax myself, so as we left Twilight informed me that I would be spending the next two weeks at her place.
"You'll be able to read up on our history, culture, math, and a whole lot more," She stated as we continued on to Sweet Apple Acres. I just chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Can't wait Twilight," I stated as we walked up the dirt road. Soon, however, we were flanked on both sides by walls of apple trees.
I let out a whistle of amazement. "Man the show really doesn't do it justice." That had gotten Twilight's attention. "You still haven't told us much about this show you keep talking about." I just shrugged my shoulders. "There really isn't much to tell other than what I've already said." I thought about it. "I only watched the first few episodes of the first season so I'm as in the dark about all this,-" I waved my hand all around our surroundings. "-as one can get." Twilight wanted to protest my simple answer but she was interrupted by Rainbow whooshing in.
"Come on slowpokes! Aj said to get a move on or we'll all be old by the time you get there." I just laughed while Twilight grumbled to herself. "Fine, we'll be there in a second." She waved a hoof at Dash letting her know to go on back. Dash obliged and a second later she was gone in a blur. "Wow. That's impressive." Twilight just smiled. "You think that's cool check this out." She said igniting her horn. "Check what-" Josephs question was cut off by a bright flash, then the sensation of his insides mashing together then stretching, and then just when he thought he was going to break all of his molecules snapped back together and he was whole again and standing outside of the farmhouse.
Applejack saw the two of them teleport in and she gave them a wave. "Well howdy y--" She stopped as she got a good look at Joseph who was rooted to the spot he had appeared and giving off a look of utter horror.
"Um, sugar cube?" She asked stepping towards him. "You alright?" His eyes briefly glanced at Applejack before they snapped back to the ground he had been staring at. He then promptly threw up the contents of his stomach and flopped down to the ground like a wet noodle. A small stampede was brought to Josephs attention as he lay there trying to catch his breath. "Oh God what was that?" He tried to calm down as his body shuddered from the violent spasms racking his body.
"Uhg I hate throwing up." He said as he felt somepony pushing him up into a sitting position. He looked up and saw the biggest pony he had yet to see. "Holy hell you're huge." He quivered as a hand shot to his mouth. Big Mac just chuckled.
"I get that a lot. You must be the guest of honor." He then sat down and let Joseph get his breathing under control as he leaned on his sturdy frame to recuperate. "Thanks for the help Mac." Joseph looked around to see the rest of the group giving him all worried looks. He then let his gaze fall upon Twilight.
"So Twi what exactly was that?" He asked curious as to what could cause him to become so suddenly disoriented. He looked around again. "Ah, I see. We must have teleported?" He asked. Twilight huffed, "I'm sorry Joseph I didn't realize-" "Exactly you didn't know. So no harm no foul. Hell, I didn't even know that would happen." He chuckled. "So don't sweat it Twilight. Worse case scenario I just have to leg it everywhere I go." He laughed. Soon Twilight joined in feeling much better about her herself.
"Well if you insist." She said looking much better than a moment ago. Joseph clapped his hand together.
"Ok folk's I don't know about you but I for one don't want to waste any more time out here when we should be enjoying a party." He struggled to his feet and once there he found he was still a little queasy. "Here you go," Fluttershy said as she got into the air and went around to Josephs back. She then looped her forehooves through his underarms and held him steady. He gave her a soft smile which she returned.
"Thank's Fluttershy." She just beamed. "Of course. What are friends for?" She asked giggling as she helped Joseph walk up the trail with Big Mac at his side as well. "Friends? Just that fast?" Joseph's body went on autopilot as his mind thought about his current situation. "Is this what my life is going to be from now on? Surrounded by little, colorful, equines?" As the night wore on Joseph continued to mull over his situation all the while putting on a happy face for his hospitable rescuers.
A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 3: Hotels, Plans, and Flying Time.
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 4: Stranger Danger.
September 13, 2010.
The next day saw me, Shining, Spike, Big Mac and new pegasus from out of town all meeting up at Suger Cube Corner, bright and early. Upon entering the confection store Pinky grabbed and sat me down at a table next to all the others. Upon seeing our new guest I made an inquiry.
"So who's the new guy?" He gave me a soft smile and held out a hoof. "The names Zepher Breeze." He said in a pleasant enough tone. "Pleased to meet you," I said as I shook it. Once the introductions were done we flagged down Pinkie who bounced over with a smile on her face.
"Hello, boys! What can I get for you all this morning?" She asked in an overly perky tone that got a chuckled out of me.
I let the other's order first still not sure of what to eat. Spike pointed out that whatever we got we would have to make it quick and to go. The girls were going to be showing up soon to pick up Pinkie. Not that we weren't supposed to have contact with one another throughout the day. It had more to do with Twilight's schedule and the fact that she didn't want us to end up chatting the time away. That was supposed to come about later on tonight when we all met up for a little group activity.
"I wonder what they could have planned?" I was brought out of my musings by a poke in the shoulder.
"Hey, bud you ok there?" Spike asked. I shook my head. "Oh yeah sorry for spacing out. Uh, I'll have the blueberry muffin with cinnamon frosting." I asked as Pinkie took our order's.
"All right I'll be back before you can say supercalifragilisticexspialidocius!" She then zoomed into the back and began to bake our order to go. Everypony just chuckled and shook there head. With our order being made we all got up, stretched and started to gather at the door leading out. In practically no time at all Pinkie was back with our order's handing them out.
We gave her our thanks and in my case a small hug as we exited the store. However just as we were leaving the girls were heading this way. Shining Armor stopped and held the door open for them.
"Thank you gentalcolts. Don't have too much fun without us!" Rarity called out as she passed giving us a soft wink. Fluttershy gave Zepher a hug.
"See Zepher I told you it would be a fun day out." He just laughed. "Yes, sis you did." He then chuckled. "Can't wait to get out there and tear up a few rugs!" He said causing Dash to snort.
"Long time no see Dash." He smirked. "So tell me how's life been?" She just sat down and smiled. "Same old, same old. Still being awesome! Well now I'm head weather manager so there's that." she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Zepher gave a whistle of gratitude.
"nice to see you moving up in the ranks." Then he got a devious grin on his face.
"So seeing anyone lately?" He asked. She just rolled her eye's with a smirk of her own.
"Not at the moment but who knows." She winked the guys. "I may be on the lookout for somepony soon." She then looked past Zepher at Twilight who was motioning for her to follow.
"Oh got to go see you all later on tonight!" She said zooming off into the bakery. The last one to enter was Cadance who stopped to give Shining a swift kiss.
"See you later on tonight!" She said making a purposeful attempt to sway her hips as she trotted inside. She gave a knowing smirk as she felt all of there eye's on her flank as the door closed.
"Wow!" Zepher said as he picked his jaw up off the floor. Shining smirked as he turned his heavily red face to the group.
"Well come on you guys get the lead out of your dick's and let's go." He ordered seeing several of them had indeed sported a stiffy. This caused the whole group to cough and begin shuffling away to the first destination on their little town map Twilight had provided for them earlier.
8:07 A.M.
"So where to first?" Joseph asked as he looked at the map of Ponyville. Spike peaked over his shoulder and pointed to the arcade.
"That's a good spot!" He pointed out excitedly. Then he looked around at the rest of the group. "Um, that is if everyone else is ok with it?" He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. Joseph shrugged. "Seems fine to me." He looked at everyone else. "Is the arcade an ok first place to go?" They all nodded. He folded up the map and then pointed west.
"Then let us be away!" He said as he began to sprint in the wrong direction with Spike in tow. "It's the other way dude!" Spike shouted as he hung on ginning like a madman.
8:13 A.M.
As the guy's set out for the arcade Cadence, Twilight and the rest of the girls decided to go to the spa for the day.
"Oh, darling this will simply be magnificent!" Rarity stated as they took a seat in the waiting room. As the girls all grouped together Cadance got Twilight's attention. She moved over to and took a seat next to her old foal sitter.
"So Twiliy tell me who are we getting all gussied up for?" She winked causing Twilight to blush.
"Well, no one in particular. It's just." She sighed. "It's Joseph." She stated causing Cadance to smirk. "So that's your type big, tall, and handsome?" Twilight frantically waved her hooves. "What no not me!" She stated getting everyponies attention. She giggled and took a deep breath.
"Listen he's just having a rough time." She rolled her eye's. "Hell, I'm surprised he hasn't cracked already but seeing as he has all of us.." She let the conversation fall. Cadance sighed. "You just want to see him happy?" She stated as she sat down on one of the many pillows adorning the waiting room floor. Twilight nodded. "I might not have your gift," she pointed to Cadance's flank, who waggled her eyebrows, causing Twilight to blush and giggle, "But even I can tell that he need's someponie in his life." She said feeling better about getting that off her chest.
Cadance thought about Twilights words. "Well has he shown any interest in anyone?" she asked. Twilight shook her head.
"That's what I'm hoping Shining will be able to get out of him so he can tell us later on tonight." She said giving her friends a once over.
"The six of us are the only mare's he really hangs out with but I don't know if he has any sort of feeling's for us." She said mulling over her own thoughts on the matter. Cadance took a wing and draped it over Twilight.
"Well look who's playing Ms matchmaker." She whispered into her ear. Twilight giggled as she shoved her friend away.
"Lady's your spa day await's!" Aloe said as she held up her clipboard and scribbled down a few notations.
"Alright!" Rainbow shouted. "Let's get this show on the road." She said zooming into the inner depths of the spa.
4:34 P.M.
"Come on! Come on!" Joseph shouted as his feet moved at a rapid pace. "Just a little bit more!" Spike said as Joseph set himself up for the finish. The group had all dispersed once they reached the arcade. Shining and Big Mac went to go and search for the board game section of the arcade while Zepher went over to a group of mare's and began to mingle. That left Spike and Joseph to do their own thing. Which in this case was play game after game of Trot Trot Revolution trying to beat the high score. They had come close several time's but they were alway's just a step off from winning.
"Come on!" Joseph once more said as he reached the last stretch of the song. A small crowd had begun to gather around and cheer Joseph on. Everyponie was so enraptured by the human doing his best to beat the high score however that they failed to notice a lone pony sneaking around the back of the machine.
"Come on almost there!" Spike shouted as Joseph kicked his feat into overdrive. "Yes!" He shouted as the last tune blasted out of the speaker's and his score began to tally itself up.
"Yes!" Spike and him gave a high five as it came a swift total of--. Suddenly the screen shut off without warning and the whole crowd looked on in silence. Noponie moved as Joseph stood there looking dumbfounded. Finally, Spike went over to Joseph and tapped him on the leg. "Um, dude are you ok?" He silently asked. This snapped Joseph out of his stupor.
"Well, that suck's." He proclaimed as he put his hands in his pocket's and began to walk back over to the group's table with Spike in tow.
"Don't worry dude we can alway's stop by here and do it again!" Spike said eliciting a chuckle from Joseph.
"Don't sweat it, Spike. I'm mad but not so upset as to try and come back here again and again." He said as he took a sip of his drink.
"Still it was fun thow getting to go and hang out with some other guy's for a change." He said as he scanned the room for the rest of there little group. Just as he spotted Zepher making out with some random mare he felt a chill go down his spine.
"What the hell is that?" He muttered to himself. "What is what?" Spike asked. Joseph just sat there and continued to scan the room. He was however rudely interrupted by his search by a hoof suddenly appearing before him.
"Hey dude is this seat taken?" Asked someponie new. Joseph gave the pegasus a look of surprise. "Huh? Oh, the chair. No, go on ahead." He said waving his hand at the chair. As the pegasus started to drag the chair off but then he turned around shoved the chair back up to the table and sat down.
"So I couldn't help but overhear you at the bakery this mourning with Rainbow Dash?" He said in one swift breath. This caused Joseph to stop drinking and give this guy the once over. He noted that his mustard yellow coat and firey red mane looked a little ratty like he hadn't had a bath in a few days.
"Um yeah." He said moving his drink a little closer to him. "We're friends." He said noting that eye's of the newcomer had dilated a little bit.
"Really?" He asked looking around the place. Spotting something off to the side he smiled and waved.
"Well, it was nice talking to you?" He asked. Joseph hesitated. "Something is seriously off with this guy." He held out his hand. "But then again I need to make some male friends here in town."
"Joseph." He offered to which the stallion took his hand and shook it vigorously, almost knocking Joseph off his chair. As he departed Joseph felt that chill once again but dismissed it. Soon he and Spike were joined by the rest of there little group and the stallion's set off for Twilight's library as per her instruction's.
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A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 6: The Night Is Young And So Are We!
September 13, 2010.
Joseph looked out the passenger car window lost in thought. "Why." "Why what?" "Why do I have to be infatuated with someone I can never have. The only other occupants in the train car were Twilight and Cadance. The rest were all off at different sections of the train doing their own thing. Twilight came over and whispered to Cadance.
"So what now?" She asked. Cadance was lost in thought. "I don't know." She staited as she sifted through the information she was receiving from the small group of friends focusing on two individuals in particular while her horn glowed a dual aura of green and cyan. "Dash seems to be wary of the brother's. Joseph seems to still dought his feelings." She sighed. "I wish there was some way we could get the two of them alone but I can't think of a way to do that without making them feel very awkward."
Just as she was thinking of a way to get this whole situation started luck intervened as Dash opened the door and trotted inside. "Or you know that could just happen." She thought as she nudged Twilight who looked over at Dash who took a seat across from Joseph. She gave out a small sigh and motioned for them to leave, which the two did so without making a sound. As they did so Joseph noticed he wasn't alone. when he noticed just who was next to him however his face lit up and he quickly went back to looking out the window.
"Hey there Dash." He said carefully trying to keep his voice in check. "What bring's you here?" He asked feeling like an idiot for in his opinion stating the obvious. She just chuckled and looked out the window as well.
"Well I've been trying to go back and remember were either of those two show up in my memories." She pondered her conundrum some more. Finally, she shook her head. "I just can't place either of them and that's just not cool." She heaved out a sigh. "So I decided to just give it a rest for now." She leaned back in her seat. "So how about you?" She looked Joseph over. "You look like you have something on your mind as well." Joseph just chuckled. "Oh do I." He thought as he too reclined in his seat.
"Eh, nothing important really. Just wondering what I'm going to do with my life." He lied. "Can't tell her the truth." He shuttered at the thought of what she would say or do to him if she ever found out. Dash saw him shudder thow. "Hey, you sure you're ok?" She reached out a hoof across the little gap and felt that he was ice cold.
"Wow dude what's up with that?" She said getting up and trotting over to his side of the booth. "Huh what do you-" He stopped as Dash hopped up and then snuggled close to his side. He instantly felt warmth begin to seep throughout his body.
"How come you didn't say anything?" Dash asked looking a little concerned. Joseph just sat there trying to think of a good excuse. "Um." was all he could say. "Damn it say something else!" "wow your warm." He mentally slapped himself. "Something not so creepy!" Dash just laughed. "Last I checked yeah that's a thing we ponies have going for us." She snickered as he just smirked. "Smart ass." He said earning a shove from Dash. "You're one to talk!" She countered causing Joseph to laugh.
"True." He said before standing up. "Attention all peasants! Your honorable and absolutely extravagant King, Smart Ass has an announcement!" Dash cracked up as Joseph went on a tirade about the price of bananas and how the public was getting duped out of a small fortune in bits. When he was through he sat back down and chuckled.
"Haven't done that in a long time." He stated as Dash got over her fit of giggles. She then yawned and stretched out.
"Hey do me a favor and wake me when we get there." She said making Joseph wonder what she meant. She then sprawled out on his lap and promptly began to snooze. Joseph was glad she was asleep because his face lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Don't overthink this." His brain shouted. Feeling the sting of his inadequacy threatening to come back he instead focused on all of the things that he enjoyed doing with Dash. "Why couldn't I have been born a pony?" He sighed and resumed his vigil of the countryside as it whizzed past.
Canterlot.
As the group all trotted off the station platform Twilight began to hand out folded sheets of paper that upon closer inspection Joseph found it to be a map of Canterlot with little tidbits about certain establishments. She then cleared her throat.
"So as you all can see we have some map's here of Canterlot." She said as she levitated her own map for all to see. Then Cadance stepped up.
"Now as you all know we came here to have fun. So in the spirit of our sporadic outing Twilight and I thought it would be fun if we,"- she pulled out a small set of stick's.-"We are going to draw straw's to see who goes with whom." She smirked as she saw some of the male's and female's squirm. "I love it when they writhe in agony." Cadance's smiled as her eyes flashed green for a little bit.
"Honey is everything ok?" Shining asked. Cadance snapped out of her stupor as a dopey grin spread across her face. "Um, anyway let's get the night started shall we?" She asked as she began to shuffle the sticks together. "Alright now when I call your name come up and grab a stick." She then proceeded to call out everypony present until all the sticks were gone.
"All right now see which stick you have." They all did so noticing a small string attached to each of them. "The sticks with the same color string all go together for the night." She stated as the group's all began to form based on who had what color.
6:17 P.M.
"Come on slowpoke. The night is young and so are we!" Dash flew through the air dragging me along for the ride. I just laughed.
"Ok. Ok. I'm coming." I said just so she would release me from her iron hooved grip. She just rolled her eyes and smirked.
"Ok so let's check the map real quick," Dash said as she hovered over my shoulder. I unfolded my own map and we studied it for a bit.
"Ok, we're almost there!" She said tugging me along once more. We got to the aftermentioned nightclub.
"The Selena Sky Bar." Joseph read off as they got closer. He saw the establishment and then looked at himself.
"Uh hey, Dash?" He asked pointing to the building floating in the sky. "One how am I going to get up there? And two how am I going to stay up there?" Dash smiled. "Watch and learn bud." She said as she began to rub her hooves together. She flared her wings out and levitated in the air in front of Joseph who looked awestruck at the display. "Ok?" He asked wondering just what she was doing. Lightning began to crackle around one of Dash's outstretched hooves. "Hold on," Dash said leveling her lightning coated hoof at Joseph.
"Uh?" Was all he could get out before Joseph felt himself begin to levitate off the ground as a cyclone engulfed him. Then his world went out as he was blinded by a flash of light and then felt a prickling sensation shoot throughout his body. When he came to he was back on the ground.
"What was that?" He asked simply too stunned to figure out what had happened. Dash was there giving him a look of pure glee.
"How about you hop off the ground and find out." She said as she hovered in the air. Joseph was puzzled.
"Um ok." He chose to trust her and jumped. He was thoroughly surprised when he didn't fall back down but instead began to levitate a few feet off the ground.
"Wow! wow! wow!" He looked around in a panic. "Dash what is going on here?" He screamed and flailed around as he tried to get back to the ground. Dash seeing the pure look of fear cross his face quickly flew over and grabbed ahold of his midsection and turned him right side up.
"Easy there, Joseph. Just take it slow and hold on to me." She said as she began to fly towards the sky bar, Joseph holding onto her hoof for guidance and comfort. When they finally touched down on the cloud deck entrance Joseph took a few experimental steps and found that he didn't sink into or even fall through the clouds like he thought he would.
"How?" He asked Dash as he stood in place allowing his body to get used to the new sensation of walking on clouds.
"Well, when you know how to manipulate clouds like I do it's pretty easy. All you have to do is reverse the effect's of gravity, add in a little bit of electromagnetic field restabilization and recalibrate the density of the air around you and--" She stopped when Joseph began to stare at her with a newfound appreciation. "What?" she asked looking a little embarrassed at the fact that she geeked out in public. Joseph just shook his head.
"Brains, brawn, and beauty." He spoke before catching what he had said. Dash noticed and while she was still red in the face she smirked.
"Yeah. I'm the whole package deal," she said striking a pose. Joseph just chuckled. "One day Dash you are going to make some stallion very happy." He muttered as he strode over to the door and held it open. "After you my lady." He said giving a short bow to which Dash just snickered and strode in, her head held high. "Thank you kind Sr. Please don't dally long. we have more important matter's to attend to." Dash spoke in a mock regal accent that would make Rarity cringe.
"Of course my lady. Right away." He let the door go and followed Dash into the nightclub proper. As they entered the room and beheld the dance floor, of which was packed with ponies, they had to shout just to hear each other over the music.
"So what do you want to do first?" Joseph asked as Dash hovered there. She just laughed, leaned into his ear and whispered.
"Well, I can think of several things we could do." She leaned out to see his face light up a deep red.
"Um, I, Uh." Dash just chortled as she hoofed him in the shoulder. "Easy there tiger." She said causing him to simmer down a bit.
"Now we can go out and dance or we can head over to the bar and get plastered. Then go and dance." Joseph just laughed.
"You know I don't drink Dash." He said as she nodded. "True. One of us has to stay sober." She said, "Yeah so I can drag you home over my shoulder while you quote Darring Doo all night long." She just scoffed, a smile on her face. "I don't quote Darring Doo all night long." She said as she grabbed a hold of Joseph's arm and dragged him over to the dance floor.
"Now come on let's party!" She yelled as she began to sway and move in time to the music. "Well at least I can't make a bigger fool of myself." Soon Joseph got into a rhythm of his own. Dash once again proved her grace and flexibility as she glided around the dance floor like an aerial ballerina. As Joseph just moved and bobbed with the beat, Dash flittered around the dance floor with all the grace of an angel. As she stopped to catch her breath she saw a little crowd begin to form around her. So she pulled Joseph into the mix flared her wing's to get some space from the crowd and steady herself as she held Joseph close and whispered once more.
"Just follow my lead." He obliged as Dash lead him through a simple routine that he soon got the hang of and soon the two were dancing together as if they had been at it for years. "Wow!" Was all Joseph could think of as he held Dash close and then let her flit away as they both twirled around the dance floor.
"Can this night get any better?"
9:27 P.M.
As the last song rang out over the speaker's Dash and Joseph found themselves panting and gasping for air.
"That..was...amazing," Joseph said as he hobbled over to the bar intent on having a nice long glass of water. Dash laughed.
"I told you it would be worth it." She said as she to took a pitcher of water and downed it all in one go. Joseph gave her a curious look.
"No alcohol?" He asked. She nodded.
"This is a night that I actually want to remember." She smirked as she downed another pitcher of water. "So no Blue Balls or Screwdriver's for me." She stated as she set the pitcher down. Joseph just laughed.
"Well, then we can at least drink to the long night ahead." He finished his own pitcher and hopped off the bar stool.
"Hey, I gotta go take a leak real quick." He thumbed over to the nearby restroom. Dash nodded, "Ok. Don't make me have to come in there and find you!" she warned as a smile broke out across her face. Joseph just laughed and waved her off.
"Be back in a sec." He walked off to the bathroom. A little while later he came back out feeling much better. He looked around and spotted Dash over at the bar and made his way over to her. "So what I miss?" He asked as he took s seat next to her.
"Ow, nothing much just-" She was cut off as a rather tall and lanky stallion bumped into her and almost knocked her off her stool.
"Wow!" she said as she steadied herself. The stallion, however, went crashing to the floor, having obviously had one too many to drink tonight.
"He-y w-w-watc-h- wer--you--going!" He slurred into the floor as he tried to hobble his way off the ground. Joseph looked over at Dash.
"You ok?" He said as he retracted his hand form helping to keep her steady. Dash nodded as she felt his hand leave her shoulder.
"Yeah. I'm fine." She then looked down. "Can't say the same for the dude on the floor, however." She got off her seat as did Joseph. He gave him an experimental poke.
"Hey dude you ok?" He asked as the stallion groaned and tried once more to get off the ground. Joseph bent down and gripped the stallion around the waist and hoisted him up to his hooves. "That better?" He asked drunk. The pony then put a hoof on Joseph's shoulder looked him in the eyes. And then vomited all over Joseph.
10:12 P.M.
"That was a complete and utter horror show," Joseph mumbled as Dash tried to hold in her laughter. "Well look on the bright side." She said hovering in front of him as they made there way back to the Celestial Grand, Hotel. "at least you made someponie very happy." She winked causing Joseph to both groan and crack up into a small fit of laughter. Dash snickered right along with him.
"Yes. There was a happy ending for someponie at least." He shook his head. Then he shivered. "Why did he have to vomit on my shirt thow. Why not the floor?' He asked as he held his arm's around his bare chest. "Oh come here you," Dash said as she got behind him. "Hey what are you?" He was cut off as Dash wrapped her forehooves around his neck. Then her wings engulfed his shoulder's and finally her hind legs around his midsection.
"Better?" She asked as she lay her head next to his. His whole body was warm and tingly now, not just because of the pony.
"Very much." He said as he tried to keep his brain from wandering down gutter lane. "Good," Dash said as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Now let's hurry back to the other's so Twilight can clean your shirt." She said as Joseph slipped his hand behind him and grabbed Dash's hind legs.
"As you wish." He said as he set off in a sprint towards the direction of the hotel.
Meanwhile at the Sky Bar.
"So you puked all over him?" A cloaked pony asked the less drunk stallion, now thoroughly sober thanks to his recent purge. the stallion nodded.
"Oh yes." He burped. "completely soaked him." he said as he stood on shaky hooves. "You should have seen the look on his face." He staggered a bit but hen regained his footing. The cloaked figure stood up, tossed a few bit's the drunkard's way and then exited the building.
"Curious. What could this beast want with my Rainbow Dash?" He flared his wing's and he set off into the night, cloak flapping in the wind as he set off toward's a small town named Ponyville.
A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 7: Steamy Gym Time.
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A True Self Insert, Season 1: How did I get here?
Chapter 5: Preparations For A great Night Out.
September 13, 2010.
The door to Twilight's tree house closed as the last pony entered it for the night.
"Ok is everyponie here?" She called out looking at the now very big group of ponies all gathered here this night. "Wow I'm really glad Cadance was able to make some last minute adjustments." She took a deep breath in, held it for a second or two and then let it out. As she got herself settled on one of the benches in the main lobby she looked around and saw the little groups already forming.
Her brother and Cadance were off to the side whispering amongst themselves. Meanwhile, Spike had taken up a seat next to Rarity and the two were discussing the finer points of living in canterlot much to her surprise. "You go, little brother." She snickered as she saw Spikes scale's flush crimson for a little while. Across from them, Zepher Breeze had Applejack of all ponies enthralled with a discussion on the benefits of moisture farming. "Think about it AJ. You could save a bit on all the cost's for rain in the dry season if you would just set up some rain barrels in the winter and spring,"
Twilight shook her head as AJ told him she would take his advice to heart. Next, to those two Joseph and Dash were arm wrestling using her side table as a stand. "Come on furless! show me what all those daily exercises we've been doing for that last four months are all about!" Twilight shook her head. "Some things never change." As those two were trying to throw one another across the room with pure arm strength Fluttershy and Big Mac were off in a corner by themselves just watching everypony else.
"Aww aren't they cute together!" Came a voice from Twilights right side. She squeaked causing everypony to stop and stare at her. Dash seized the opportunity and hurled Joseph over the table. "Yes! Victory in mine!" She thrust her hoof into the air. Joseph just lay there laughing his head off as Dash began to strut around in the air. Twilight meanwhile looked to her right to see Pinkie Pie sitting on a soft bean bag with a bag of popcorn in hoof. Twilight took one more deep breath before she spoke up.
"Well, now that we have everypony here--" "Wait!" Pinkie shouted causing everyone to jump a little bit at how high her voice went.
"What now Pinkie?" Twilight grumbled as she rubbed her ear's trying to get the ringing to stop. Pinky just giggled. "Silly Twilight not everypony is here yet!" She stated as if it was common knowledge. Twilight's ear twitched.
"What do you mean by that Pinkie?" She asked feeling very perturbed at the moment. Once again Pinkie giggled and just hopped off her bean bag.
"Well, I ran into an old college buddy of mine and decided to invite him as my impromptu plus one?" She chucked hesitantly as Twilight's eyes narrowed. Just as she opened her mouth, however, Twilight's doorbell rang. She sighed, put on a fake smile and headed over to the door to see just who Pinkie had invited. "Hello?" Twilight called through the door while peeking out the peephole.
"Hello!" She was greeted by the sight of a mustard yellow stallion with a poofy mane and green eyes. "Um, Pinkie who is this?" Twilight muttered to her right as she continued to smile at the new guy.
"Cheese! How are you?" Pinky said shoving Twilight out of the way and strait into Rarity and Spike. Rarity put up a cushy shield so as not to cause Spike or Twilight any undue discomfort.
"Oh, you know Pinkie, just going around spreading fun and happiness with every party." to which she just giggled.
"Well that make's two of us!" Pinkie stated as Cheese came in and sat down next to her. Twilight looked around at everypony else. Then she cleared your throat.
"Well now we're all here we can head out to the train station." Everypony present, save Cadance, gave her a look of confusion. No pony objected however so they all filed out and headed to the train station.
5:15 P.M.
15 minutes later and the group was within spitting distance of the train station. "It feels great out tonight," Joseph said as he and Dash took up a position at the back of the group. As she flew next to him she gazed at the pink-hued sky and smiled.
"Yeah, it sure is. Perfect weather for flying," She remarked as she caught an updraft and climbed a few feet higher executing a perfect aileron roll. Joseph watched and walked smirking the whole way. "Why me?" He shook his head and sighed.
"That's the Rainbow Dash I remember!" Came a voice from the groups left. They all stopped and looked around. Even Dash was on high alert.
"Who's there?!" She said not sounding too pleased that some random stallion claimed to know her so well. A soft chuckling came to the group's attention as a cloud began to drift down from the west. As it dissipated a familiar sight took hold of Josephs vision. He stood there as his mind raced. "Oh, it's you!" He said as Spike took notice of the newcomer as the stallion form the Arcade.
Hello." He waved at the group. As Joseph stepped forward to give his hoof a shake the stallion gave him a confused look.
"Um do I know you?" He asked sounding more than a little embarrassed. Joseph looked shocked. "We met at the arcade?" He asked feeling more than a little out of place. The Stallion thought about it, then his eyes lit up, he then laughed until he was nothing more than a wiggling pile of pony on the ground. Dash meanwhile was more than a little miffed at the dude's antics.
"Hey, buddy whats so funny?" She asked touching down and trotting over not looking amused in the least. He finally got himself under control and sat up.
"Oh sweet Celestia, that was a good one." He looked over to Joseph. "Sorry, there buddy but the stallion you met was my brother." He said as he finally got his composure under wraps. Joseph thought about it.
"You know I never did catch his name or cutie mark." He said as he tried to remember every last detail of the stranger he saw. The Stallion just snickered.
"Yeah, that's Split for you. There one second gone the next." He said smirking. "So if you must know." He turned to show the group his own cutie mark, a fireball streaking across his flank. "The name's Hotshot." He extended a hoof. "Pleased to meet you?" He asked the only human around. "Joseph." He said shaking Hotshot's hoof. As Joseph stopped he thumbed over to Rainbow Dash.
"So how do you two know each other?" He asked as everypony stood there. Hotshot looked over to Dash and smiled.
"We went to Highschool together." He said as Dash sat there. Her brain went into overdrive trying to remember this guy. "I got nothing." But not wanting to be rude she held up her own hoof.
"Can't say that I remember you all that well." She said feeling her cheeks heat up. Hotshot just chuckled. "It's fine. It's been like what 5 year's?" He said as he began to sift through his memories. He shook his head.
"Anyway, you all seem like a fairly big group?" He looked around saw Princess Cadance and bowed.
"Princess." He looked up and smiled. "So where are all of you heading at this hour?" He asked. Joseph looked over to Twilight. "Um." She thought about it for a little while then looked at everypony else. As her eyes settled on Rainbow she could see that the sky blue pegasus was curious about this stranger who seemingly knew her. So she stepped forward.
"We're heading to Canterlot actually." She stated extending her own hoof. Hotshot looked ecstatic. "Well, what a small world. So were me and my brother." He said. "We came down here to Ponyville to see the sight's before we head out of Canterlot tomorrow." The group was all curious now. "Hook, Line, and Sinker." Hotshot thought as he basked in there admiration.
"So darling." Rarity said as the group got a move on. "What do you do?" She asked as they went over to the ticket booth.
"Oh, me and my bro work as booking agent's for the wonderbolts." He said as he grabbed a pass from around his neck and showed it to the ticket clerk. She waved him through and he went and sat down on the platform as he waited for the rest of the group. Rainbow was definitely curious about this stallion.
"So you two go around and arrange the wonderbolts show's and other public appearances?" She asked looking around for the other brother. "So where'd your brother get to?" she asked. Just then the whole group felt a sudden chill come over them but then it was gone.
"Hello, all!" Came a voice from behind them. Shining, Twilight, Big Mac, Dash, and Applejack all spun around to see another pegasus that was the spitting image of Hotshot trot up to them with the biggest grin manageable except were's Hotshot had a flaming ball for a cutie mark Split Second had a small stopwatch with a crack going through it and the primary feather's of his wings were a soft red instead of his brothers blue hue.
"Hey, Split." Hotshot waved him over and then gave him a hug. "So how was your time at the Arcade?" He asked. Split thought about it then shrugged. "Eh, it was ok." He said looking at the group. "So who's all this?" He asked. Hotshot brought his brother up to speed as the group entered the train. "Wow, So these are the ponies that all the fuss was about." He said pointing to the element barriers. They all shuffled as he gave each of them a once-over, his gaze settling on the mares just a fraction of a second too long. Then he settled on Dash and a low whistle escaped his throat.
"Well hello, ms?" He asked raising a hoof for a shake. Dash just scoffed refusing the shake. "Name's Rainbow Dash." She said feeling more than little miffed at his wondering eyes. He just chuckled and addressed the group. "Well it's a pleasure to meet all of you but my brother and I have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." He bowed. "So we will bid our farewells and hope that we can see each other again some time." With his piece said he trotted over to the train car marked Sleeping Car, opened the door and headed in. Hotshot rubbed the back of his head.
"Sorry about him." He shuffled. "He easily takes med's for some of his issues." He too got up. "But like he said we have a big day ahead f us and I for one need to hit the hay." He said. "good night." He bowed once more to the Princess and trotted after his brother. Pinkie just looked off to where they went. "What a strange duo." She said causing the whole group to explode with fits of laughter. "What?" Pinkie said feeling left out. "Seriously guys what did I say?" She asked as the whole group went to there own personal sleeping car. Once all was settled they all met up for dinner in the dining car.