The Equestrian Fuckboy

“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOHH MY GOD”

Anon awoke, taking a deep breath and yelling out in agony, at the same time.

Fuck, my head is killing me

His head was a throbbing from the impact, and was swelling severely. Blood dripped from an open cut on his temple and onto the steering wheel and floor. He didn’t bother to take a look around at his situation, as his current state of pain was the only thing he could focus on.

What little light he had from the moon soon faded away as Anon fell out of consciousness once again.

He awoke minutes a later, still reeling from his injuries. Besides this, he regained his sense of judgement and took action.

He unbuckled his seat belt and lifted his head from the dashboard. Reaching for the glove compartment, he pulled and latch, revealing its contents. He grabbed a small first aid kit and placed it in his lap. He then opened the mirror above his head and turned on a light in his car.

After ruffling through the first aid kit for a moment, he found a roll of gauze. He began to unroll it, and measured enough of it out to wrap around his head a few times. In one hand he held the unrolled gauze, in the other, an alcohol cleansing wipe.

Gotta clean this shit first

He raised the wipe to his temple and began to slowly clean off the slightly dried blood that had formed around the open wound.

“FUUUUUUUUUHHHHCK”

Anon yelled at the top of his lungs as the wipe brought pure agony to his gash. The burning sensation was too much to keep him silent.

“GODDAMMNIT”

After one more swipe over the now disinfected cut, he tossed the crimson wipe away. He took hold of the bandage and started wrapping it around his head, slowly and with care. He did not want to hurt himself further. That cut wasn’t bad, but it bled like it was.

Finishing up the fourth lap around his head with the gauze, he used one hand to apply pressure to the wrap, keeping it in place, whilst his other hand find the medical tape in his kit. He located the tape, ripped a piece off, and secured the gauze in place.

Better call the meds, if that bandage bleeds through I’m kind of screwed, I don’t have anymore gauze.

He reached over to the ashtray, where his phone was sitting, and grabbed it.

9-1-1

He typed the numbers into the device. He’d never called the emergency line for any reason. Sure, he’d seen his friends prank call the number before, but he’d never had any excuse to call the paramedics.

He pressed the call button and brought the phone to his ear. Almost immediately he heard a steady beeping tone. He knew the sound. It signaled that the line was dead.

“What the fuck?”

He looked to the top left of the screen and read the text.

NO SERVICE

“Oh, give me a fucking break!”

Anon was nearly livid. First he crashed his Jeep, had to deal with head trauma, and now this? He wanted to blow up, but he keep his cool, reassuring himself.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. Not the end of the world. Just need to get back to the road and find help.”

He reached over to the handle and pulled, letting the door swing outwards. He stepped out of the vehicle and looked around.

“Did I actually get this deep into the woods? How?”

Sure enough, there was no road in sight. Nor a slope, for that would indicate a street or civilization. The look of anger appeared on Anon’s face, a look which soon turned into fear.

“Which way do I go?”

Panic set in and in desperation he jumped back into his Wrangler. He quickly started the engine and pressed on the gas, hard. To his surprise, the car didn’t move an inch. This only made him panic more. He then floored it, again to no effect. All he heard was the sound of the cylinders rotating as fast as possible, and the subtitle splash of mud behind the Jeep.

Mud? Oh shit

The relaxed his press on the gas and shut off the car. And once again stepped outside and walked to the back of the vehicle. And there he saw what he had feared. His rear wheels were submerged in about six inches of thick, brown mud.

“Well this is great! Guess I’ll just walk around till I find someone!”

He said this with sarcasm, interesting, considering he was talking to himself. He returned to the driver side door and leaned into, grabbing his backpack and his phone. He slid his phone into his pocket and shut the door to the Jeep.

What direction first?

He didn’t remember much about the crash, other than the split second in which he saw the ditch and the edge of the forest. But something was off.

First, he remembered that the woods before the crash were thin, and all the trees had no leaves, with the except of a rare pine tree. The forest here was full of pine trees. Not a bare tree in sight.

Second, before the crash, it was below freezing out. He could see his breath when he exhaled. Now, the weather was more comfortable, not exactly optimal, but a good 20 degrees fahrenheit warmer. And, seeing that it had been a good deal of time since the crash, it should’ve at least gotten colder, not warmer.

Could I be, somewhere else?

The intriguing thought entered his mind.

No fucking way, that’s some movie type shit. Getting in a crash and teleporting? Yeah right. Sounds like a shitty fan fiction introduction.

He was deep in his thoughts when a nearby noise caught his attention.

Snap!

Sounded like a twig breaking. Shit, I think someone’s here.

He ran to a nearly bush and hid behind it, peeking out carefully to try and see what made that sound.

Maybe I’m going crazy from all this, maybe it’s all a dream

He was interrupted when he heard a light whimper. A familiar whimper.

—————————————————————————————————————

Fluttershy had been walking for a few minutes now, and she was sure she was heading in the right direction.

“Oh Twilight, I wish you were with me right now, you’re so brave and I’m so, me.”

She let out a fearful sigh as she continued her way through the forest. She had walked through the Everfree Forest multiple times before, but she’d only done it once at night and without any of her friends. She had been looking the Cutie Mark Crusaders after they had left on a wild chicken chase.

Oh girls, I’d rather be searching for you right now than looking for, Celestia knows what!

“No Fluttershy, you’re doing this for Twilight, she needs you, and you’re her friend. This is the right thing to do!”

With that statement, she had a newfound confidence and started to walk with more purpose. The look of fear that had previously been on her face now became a confident smile.

“I have nothing to be afraid of!”

FUUuuuckkk

Fluttershy’s ears perked up at the sound.

Is that somepony, yelling?

She did not recognize the word, but it sounded a bit like “buck.” The pegasus wasn’t one for language, but that voice sounded like there was some pain behind it. She adjusted her course a bit, and continued walking toward where she had heard the voice come from.

GOOODDDammniiiit

There it was again.

The voice had gotten a bit closer, but she could tell she still had some ground to cover. She began to pick up the pace, as to not make the agonized voice wait too long.

Whoever it is sounds like they need help

The kindness in her heart couldn’t ignore cries like that.

As she grew closer to the source of the voice, she heard another sound.

VRRRRRRRROOOMMMMMMM

What in Equestria could that be?

Fluttershy was sure that the sound hadn’t come from any animal. The closest thing that she could relate it to was the sound of Flim and Flam’s Apple Cider Machine. But even the light hum of the The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 didn’t compare to the roar of, whatever that was.

After a few moments of walking, she came to a small clearing in forest. She saw nothing but part of some large metal thing. She didn’t recognize what it was, maybe because it was dark and she could only see half of it. She slowly advanced towards it, maybe this could be what made that last sound?

Snap!

The sound surprised her, but she looked down to see that it was her hoof that she stepped on a tree branch and broken it.

Oh my, I didn’t see that there

She then heard a quick series of steps and the light sound of a bush rusting. Something, or somepony, had ran into a bush. And that bush was mere yards away.

“Eeeep”

The sound escaped mouth as she suddenly became scared once again. But, she remember the voice from earlier. It needed her help. So Fluttershy gathered her voice, and spoke with a soft, yet searching tone.

“Is somepony there?”

—————————————————————————————————————-

“Is somepony there?”

A voice suddenly made itself known in the darkness. But, this wasn’t something that Anon hadn’t heard before. Just like the whimper, he recognized it.

Wait. What the fuck? Somepony? That sounds just like…

“I heard you yelling earlier, so I thought maybe you needed help.”

The whimper created his suspicion, “Is somepony there?” fueled it, and that last sentence confirmed it.

Holy shit, that’s fucking Fluttershy.

It all made sense now. Sort of. The change of forest, the different weather, and a voice that sounded just like Fluttershy? This was too good to be true. He needed to see whoever said those things, only then would he have confirmation.

But what do I say? Hey, Hi, how are you? Will she be afraid? Actually yeah she probably will, its Fluttershy. But how do I approach her?

With his mind racing, he had to give her an answer.

“Uh, yeah, hi, uh, I did need help.”

Nice one Anon, way to get those words out of your throat

“Oh, you, did?”

“Yeah, I hit my head earlier, but I got that covered.”

Literally.

“Oh, well, that’s good! I’m glad you’re alright. But if you don’t mind, do you think you can, uh, maybe come out from there?”

Oh shit, here comes the scary part. I hope she doesn’t freak out when she says a two-legged human just stand up and walk out of the bushes. Well, here goes nothing.

“Uh, sure thing, just promise me you won’t be scared.”

“Oh, uh, ok.”

Anon used his arms to boost himself from his lying position and proceeded to stand on two legs, then walking into the clearing. He then laid eyes upon what he had been hoping was there the entire time.

Oh. My. God.

Standing before the teenager was a pegasus mare. She had a yellow coat and a pink mane, and she couldn’t have been taller than four feet. And sure enough, she had a cutie mark on her flank. Three butterflies. Just like the show.

I thought she was cute on the show, but damn.

She didn’t look cartoon, instead she looked real, but it wasn’t weird in any way, shape or fashion. It looked natural, like some of those drawings of ponies you’d see on Deviantart.

Except she was real.

Trying not to be rude, he didn’t stare too long. He didn’t want to scare her off. Plus she was a sentient being, not some animal. He was to respect her like the lady, em, pony she was.

Ok Anon, play it cool. You have no idea ponies exist, so you will react as such. Not too hard right?

A gasp escaped both of their mouths as they studied each other. They had never seen each other’s species in real life, and humans were completely new to ponies. Anon tried to keep his smile contained, as he was extremely joyful to be standing before a real life pony.

“You’re a-a pony. And you can talk.”

“Yes, I’m a pony, and I can talk, is that weird to you?”

“Well where I can come from, ponies are just-“

I really hate to say this.

-farm animals.”

You hear another gasp leave her mouth as she tries to process this new information.

“Oh my, and I assume ponies where you’re from can’t talk?”

Anon nods his head lightly.

“Well, if you don’t mind me asking, uh, sir, uh, what exactly, are you?”

She’s so cute when she stutters

“I am a human being. Homo sapien. That’s the scientific name of our species.”

“Oh wow, I don't think I’ve ever heard of a, Hu Man.”

“Human.”

“Oh, uh, human. Yeah, that.”

“I know we both have a lot of questions for each other, and I’m sure we can get to that. But I don't think it would be proper of me to continue without asking your name, madam.”

“Oh well, my name’s, uh, Fluttershy.”

She spoke with a even softer tone than usual, but just loud enough for Anon to hear.

“A pleasure to meet you Fluttershy. My name is Anonymous, but you can call me Anon.”

“Oh, uh, hi Anon. It’s nice to meet you too!”

She smiles softly as part of her mane falls over one side of her face. Anon can tell she’s getting a bit more comfortable talking to him. She didn’t seem as nervous as before.

Wow, that’s a cute face

“Well Fluttershy, I know we just met and all but, do you know of a place where I can stay the night?”

Anon said this knowing good and well that being the element of kindness, she would offer her cottage for him to spend the night at.

“Oh well, there’s no Inns nearby, but I don't live far from here at all, and if you’d like, you can stay the night at my cottage.”

Bingo

“Oh Fluttershy, I couldn’t ask that of you! We’ve only just met and-“

“No worries, Mr. Anon, I insist. Plus, you need to get that wound of yours rewrapped.”

The mare was right. The gauze around Anon’s head was starting to become soaked with blood, and needed a change of bandage pretty soon.

She's not wrong there

He reached up to his head and felt the gauze. Sure enough, it was damp and crimson colored from his still open cut. He wasn’t going to last long without a fresh bandage. But what other choice did he have? And why would he want to refuse such an offer? He didn’t want to.

“Well Fluttershy, if you insist. I am in your debt.”

The winged pony smiled and nodded at him.

“Well, my cottage is this way, if you’ll follow me.”

“Of course. And uh, Fluttershy?”

“Yes?”

“Drop the “Mr.” Just call me Anon.”

He winked at the pegasus and gave her a little grin.

The shy mare blushed lightly in his direction and then turned to face forward.

“Sure thing, Anon.”

Hearing this, he walked faster and soon was side by side with the pony.

“So uh, you’re not from her, huh?”

“That’s right.”

“How did you get here, exactly?”

“Long story, let me tell you.”

Anon began telling Fluttershy what had happened that evening, and how he ended up in Equestria. To the best of his understanding.

This is a dream come true. Holy shit.

He was still freaking out on the inside over where he was. He didn’t know what would happen in the days to come, but he did know one thing.

This shit is gonna be interesting.