Scrambled Egghead

“Alright,” said Twilight, setting down her quill. “Let’s review the rules.”

“Only you would somehow manage to turn this into a nerd thing,” remarked Rainbow, flopping onto the bed. She watched as Twilight paced before the dresser, looking her sheet of parchment over carefully. Rainbow truly couldn’t imagine things working out as well for her as they did. By all accounts, she should’ve been up a creek. Yet, somehow, Twilight was taking this exceedingly well.

“If we’re going to do this, we need rules, Rainbow,” said Twilight. “And I assume you still want to do this.”

“Babe, I don’t even really know what ‘this’ is at this point. You’re being really weird about this whole thing!” Dash turned over to better see her girlfriend who, spectacularly, still seemed to be her normal self. She should’ve been angry, but, somehow, she wasn’t. It was confusing Rainbow to no end.

“Clearly, you enjoyed taking advantage of me in my state of lowered intelligence,” said Twilight. “So, if you want to keep doing that, we need rules. Okay?”

“Okay… What kind of rules?” Rainbow Dash found herself curious to see how Twilight bastardized their fun with rules and regulations. Not that Dash blamed her. Some rules were probably a good thing.

“Rule #1: Any action taken or directions given while the spell is active cannot allow harm to befall Twilight Sparkle’s body.”

“Pretty obvious. Not like I’ve ever tried to hurt you before,” snorted Rainbow.

“Rule #2: While under the influences of the Intelligence Spell, Twilight Sparkle shall be treated as a separate entity.” Twilight continued on as if she hadn’t even heard Rainbow speak. “To avoid confusion, this entity will henceforth be known as ‘Twily’. Rule #3: Twily is in no way responsible for her actions. In the event that anything goes wrong, the task of resolving the problem falls to Rainbow Dash.”

“What?! That’s bullshit!” groaned Rainbow. “So if you get dumb and break the neighbor’s window, I gotta pay for it?”

“Rainbow, I am willingly making myself stupid for your sexual gratification,” said Twilight, looking up from her list. “This arrangement is based heavily on trust. And I’m trusting that, if something bad were to happen when I’m not entirely in control of my own actions, you’d be responsible enough to take care of things.”

“But… What if you break something really expensive?”

“Don’t let me break anything expensive. Rule #4: For the duration of the Intelligence Spell, Rainbow Dash is in charge of any and all decisions made on behalf of Twilight Sparkle/Twily, so long as those decisions fall in line with the rules previously outlined.”

“So don’t hurt you, don’t break shit, and I call the shots,” said Rainbow. “I’m down with that.”

“Dash, remember. This is about trust. So I’m trusting that you’re going to be at least partially responsible with this,” said Twilight, her tone shifting dangerously in the direction of “lecturing”. Rainbow really hated that tone. It made her want to talk more to Twily. Twily was fun. Twilight… Twilight could be a stick in the mud at times.

“Alright. Trust. I’m good with that.” Rainbow peered at Twilight as she cast a myriad of spells on the sheet of parchment, no doubt to protect it from the elements. Twilight was careful in that way. “So… Can we talk about it now?”

“Hm? What’s there to talk about?” asked Twilight, tilting her head curiously. “I thought the rules were pretty concrete. Do you have concerns?”

“Not about the rules, genius. About… This. Namely, why are you doing it?” Twilight closed her eyes, using her magic to teleport the rules away for safekeeping. “This isn’t like you. You should be mad at me, and you’re not. Matter of fact, casting this spell in the first place is weird for you. You love being the smartest chick in the room.”

Twilight strolled around the bed for a bit, depositing herself next to Rainbow. She placed her hand on Dash’s thigh, squeezing gently. Rainbow was never the best at affection or romance or other “lovey-dovey stuff”, but she always clicked in that way with Twilight. Rainbow spread her wing, using it to wrap around Twilight.

“Can I be honest?” asked Twilight. “It’s probably going to sound arrogant and cocky of me.”

“Uh, you do realize who you’re talking to, right?” said Rainbow, eyebrow cocked. “It’d be pretty weird if I couldn’t take a bit of arrogance. Especially from someone as legit badass as you.”

“Well… I’m the smartest person in Ponyville, academically. I might possibly be the smartest person in Equestria,” said Twilight. “My intellect is pretty much incalculable.”

“Alright, maybe that’s a bit much…”

“But being that smart doesn’t come for free. I worry about everything. My brain is always running, going a million miles an hour.” Twilight sighed, resting her head on Dash’s shoulder. “After a while, it starts to get to you. You stress a lot. Always worried about this or that. But when I’m Twily… I’ve got nothing on my mind. It’s the most relaxed I’ve been in maybe my entire life.”

“Ignorance is bliss, I guess,” said Rainbow. Twilight chuckled at that, shaking her head.

“I used to scoff at that. What type of person is happier knowing less? It just didn’t make sense to me. But now that I’ve experienced it… I definitely get it. And, even if I can’t be Twily all the time… It’s nice to have a break, you know?” Twilight let out another sigh. “And, if I’m being brutally honest… I don’t think I really enjoy sex otherwise.”

“Yikes. Didn’t know I was so bad in the sack,” said Rainbow, her ego only slightly bruised. Twilight leapt up suddenly, her eyes wide and her hands waving as she attempted to clarify.

“No no no!” said Twilight. “It’s not like that! It’s not because of you! I just… I don’t know, it’s less something I want to do and more something I know I should do. But, when I’m Twily, it’s fun! Addicting, even. So I want to keep doing it.” Twilight looked a little more closely, studying Rainbow’s expression. “Does this bother you at all?”

“Not really. I just kinda keep waiting for you to yell at me for taking advantage of you. Twily. Whatever,” said Rainbow. “Can’t help but feel like I’m getting off too easy.”

“Trust me, Dashie. If I really wanted to avoid your sexual advances, I would have,” said Twilight. “And, yes, if I was anyone else, you’d probably be looking for a new girlfriend right now. But, as I’ve said before, I expected nothing else from you. You did exactly what I wanted you to do. So don’t worry about it.”

“Well. If you say so.” It got quiet for a bit, neither of them knowing exactly what to say or do next. “So… What now?”

“I’m not sure.” Twilight rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “I think you should talk to Twily. I don’t know how well she understands what’s going on. Besides, this is a good chance to get you used to the rules.”

“Alright. Bring her out, then.”

Twilight nodded, then produced a piece of chalk from her pocket. She quickly scrawled her modified version of Hoofier’s Circle, then went about casting the spell as usual. Her eyes began to glow, and she levitated slightly as her intellect exited her brain through her ears, condensing into a thick purple smoke, which was captured in a vial that made its way to Rainbow’s hand. Rainbow slipped the vial into her pocket, fighting the urge to grin. There was a noticeable visual difference between Twilight and Twily. A new brightness in the eyes, and a silly, goofy grin that Twilight was never seen with.

“Hello, Dashie!” said Twily happily. “How are you?”

“I’m doing good, stupid,” said Rainbow with a snicker. “Do you remember what I was talking to you about a second ago?”

“Uh… Sorta?” Twily scratched her head, clearly unsure of exactly what Rainbow meant. “Something about rules? I don’t really understand, though.”

“Well, basically, you’re my responsibility. So you have to promise not to do anything…” Rainbow was about to say “stupid”, but thought better of it. “Anything dangerous. Okay?”

“I promise, Dashie!”

“Good. Cause I’m in charge of you, and I can’t let anything bad happen. So make sure you always listen to me, okay?” asked Rainbow. Twily nodded obediently, making Rainbow smirk. She was so damn cute when she was like this. “Let’s do a little test. Take off your clothes.”

“Okay, Dashie.” Twily quickly stripped, tossing her shirt and skirt onto the bed. Then, she pulled off her panties and reached to her back to undo her bra. She struggled for a bit before Rainbow made her way over and helped her. “Done!”

“Good job. Now… Onto the fun stuff.” Rainbow eyed Twily greedily, beyond eager to get her hands on (and dick inside) her brainless beauty. She hoisted Twily up and dropped her onto the bed, the princess squealing as she landed on the mattress with an audible “pomf”.

“What are we gonna do on the bed?” asked Twily. Rainbow rolled her eyes before descending onto Twily and locking lips with her. Twily clearly wasn’t expecting this, her eyes wide in surprise, but she soon melted into the kiss.

“The fun stuff, stupid,” said Rainbow. “Now, how about—”

Rainbow froze. She could hear the front door open, and footsteps. Someone was coming in, but that wasn’t right. They weren’t expecting anyone, and besides, there was only person that had a key to the castle besides Twilight and herself, and he wasn’t due back until Friday.

“Twilight! I’m home!”

Rainbow swore under her breath as she realized that it was, indeed, Friday.

“Shit. Get dressed, Twi, Spike is home,” said Rainbow. She quickly unmounted her princess and ran out of the room and down the stairs, skidding into the main chamber of the castle.

Spike had just made it in, dropping his suitcase to the ground. Rainbow couldn’t help but smirk at Spike whenever she saw him. Puberty had done him good, turning him from a short, tubby guy into a tall, handsome drake. Rainbow always got a kick out of teasing him, occasionally slapping him on his cute little ass as he passed or suggesting they compare the size of their equipment.

“Oh, hey, Dash,” said Spike. “Twilight home?”

“Yeah, she’s just getting dressed,” said Rainbow casually. “She’ll be down in a second. Where’s Starlight?”

“Eh, she had something with Trixie. It’s fine, I’m perfectly capable of walking from the train station by myself. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Yeah, you know how Twilight gets, though.” Rainbow shrugged noncommittally. She tended to think that Twilight was a bit overprotective, but it really wasn’t any of her business. “So, how was your trip?”

“Pretty great. The Crystal Empire is always excited to see their hero,” said Spike with a smirk. “And it was cool catching up with Shining. We played a bunch of old-school games and read comics and stuff, it was pretty…” Spike suddenly stopped talking, his jaw going slack. Rainbow was a bit concerned, until she noticed that Spike was looking past her. Then, she went from “a bit” to “very” concerned. She turned slowly, her fears confirmed.

“Hi, Spike,” said Twily. “When did you get back?”

“T-t-twilight!” Spike was clearly shocked, but couldn’t help but stare. “What are you doing?!”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Twily held up her bra, her tits bare for the world to see. “I can’t figure out how to get it on. Can you help me, Dashie?”

Rainbow buried her face in her palm, wishing she had the presence of mind to make Twily drink her intelligence back before running off to greet Spike.

“Just… Just turn around for a sec, okay?”