The Average Day of A Bad Self Insert: The Sequel: The Prequel

Ace followed behind Twilight into a camp. Ponies stood there with weapons.

"This is a new recruit." Twilight indicated to Ace.

A pony tossed a knife in front of his hooves. Ace picked it up.

"There's your weapon for now."

Ace looked to the other ponies' weapons. They all had shotguns, rifles, and pistols, one even had a rocket launcher.

...And his weapon was a tofu knife.

He reluctantly trotted into the camp. Somepony kicked a bottle to him.

He picked it up. It had a piece of paper taped to it that said:

"Granaid"

Clearly somepony wasn't quite literate.

A belt was kicked to him with more 'Granaids'.

He put it on.

"So, when do we get moving?" Ace asked.

"...Whenever the Mary Sues come out." Twilight responded.

Ace stood there for a moment, then began to trot off.

"Hey, you took a step! You now have a combat knife!" A soldier said, ecstatic as he threw a combat knife into his leg.

"Ah, Shit! What the hay was that for!?" Ace asked, as his knee had been stabbed.

Ace stepped again.

A soldier threw a revolver at him, and the hammer hit the bullet, firing it into Ace in the hoof.

"Celestia Dammit!" Ace shouted.

"Stop trying to desert." Twilight told him.

Ace stumbled from the wound, and a grenade rolled at his feet.

He looked down.

"...Sweet Cel-" Ace was interrupted by the blast sending him flying backwards.