Chapter Two: How Can I Help You?

Quoth The Wendigo

I really, truly tried to not watch Luna’s tail as she lead the way to the Dining Hall because it was probably something I wasn't supposed to do, but it was a magnificent thing to see, and when I thought I could get away with it, feel. It was like gossamer, finer than anything I’d ever felt before and was slightly cool to the touch. Luna’s head started to turn a few times and I snatched my hand back before she could get an eye on me, so I got away with it more often than not. God bless maintained reflexes, because I got caught the last time and Luna sent a kick my way that I’m pretty sure was a shin splitter. I’m all for pain when I inflict it, but having a horse buckin’ fuckin’ me up sounds bad. It just does.

We came to a door and Luna stood in front of it, looking at me expectantly. I gave her a smile and a wave. “Hi.”

She glared at me. “Open the door.”

“Don’t you have magic? Lazybones.”

She colored slightly and narrowed her eyes further. “I just found a ponane punishment for your insolence that you will hate.”

“Coolest of beans, my dude.” I replied.

“Red Rum. Open the door.”

“Ho~dor.”

Luna’s horn lit up and I felt myself begin to shrink, floating in empty air for a few seconds before I dropped to the ground. I looked at my hands and saw fresher versions of the callouses I’d gotten in middle school while working on my grandparent’s ranch. I worked on a lot of ranches, come to think of it. Shit sucked. Got to kill some cows though, so I’m proud of slaying my own dinner for once. Looking at my hands reminded me of that first piece of steak from Bartha, the cow my brother had foolishly named, and I remember that mother fucker being the juiciest, best fucking piece of meat in my life. I started writing names on all the ground beef we got out of Bartha for like, a week until Rob kicked my ass over it.

Good times.

“You made me thirteen?” I asked, my voice cracking like it had in the past.

She smirked. “If you open the door, I will restore your form.”

I looked at my hands again and looked back at Luna before sizing up a good bite and chomping down. She carried her triumphant smirk until the first blood-burp. The look on her face as she forced my mouth open with magic to heal my tongue was amusing at best and heart-wrenching at worst. I felt the tip of my tongue slide up my esophagus, which was weird because I swear that I could taste the licorice in my soul. After a quick reattachment, Luna looked down at me with tears in her eyes, though she tried to blink them away.

“O-Okay, we will do things your way for now, Red Rum.” She said softly.

I wiped the blood off of my mouth and worked my tongue around a bit. “I just want you to ask nicely.” I said, though I’m translating that from muddle-mouth. After another spell or something, Luna asked me to repeat myself, so I did.

“... You did not think to just say something?” Luna asked slowly, as if tasting the words to see if they were poisonous before eating them.

“You don’t seem to wanna hear anything I have to say.”

“That’s because all you do is spout nonsense!”

“It’s the only reason I talk. If I can’t make it fun or answer a question, then what am I doing with my time?”

“... So you nearly silenced yourself, sacrificing what you call ‘fun’, to make a point?”

“Eeyuss.”

Luna gave me a strange look. “What do you do for fun?”

“Try to make people laugh to make people give me weird looks.” I answered honestly.

“Is there anything else?” She asked tentatively.

I tilted my head at her. “There doesn’t really need to be.”

“... Red Rum, I do not understand.”

“Don’t understand what?”

She shook her head and tried to get the noodle loosey goosey. “What do you care about?”

“Being a positive influence in other people’s lives, to be honest about it. Just because I don’t give a shit doesn't mean that everyone thinks like me. It tickles my pride to know that I’ve made someone’s day.” I lied. I make myself think like that, but I can't really say I actually want much. I just didn't want Luna to cry for some odd reason, and I knew that telling her that I was completely void of fucks to give was going to get the water working.

“... So you help people, but you hurt yourself for no discernible reason?”

“Eeyuss.”

“... Let us just go eat breakfast.” Her horn lit up one more time and my skin felt a little moist for a little bit, which was weird, but then I started growing and that was interesting.

For the sake of skipping the boring and quick process of being lit on fire from the inside, I got my breath after Luna let me down from her levitation spell, which sucked. I gave her a shitty look for being a shit. “Ow.”

“Did that hurt?” She asked innocently.

“I’ll plug your asshole with two ping pong paddles.” I said blandly.

She blushed and rolled her eyes. “As uncomfortable as that would be-”

“I mean the paddles, not the handles.”

“... You are banned from playing ping pong.”

“You’re just mad that I’m a superior biped.”

“What does your nature as a biped have to do with anything, you utter foal?” Luna asked foolishly.

“Why, everyone knows that omnivores tend to be more intelligent that carnivores or herbivores. Natural omnivores, that is.” I gave her the dumbest look I could give a person. Pony. Whatevs.

I saw Luna walk away without saying anything, so I got up and followed her into the room, but I stopped about halfway in when I saw an even bigger thingy and it looked super squishable. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the big, white, plush creature and folded my hands in front of my mouth.

“Dibs” I murmured to myself.

The big thingy looked at me for all of two seconds before a light blue bubble was erected in front of me, saving me from a rather tasty looking golden fireball. Even as the fire met the shield, I couldn’t help but find distaste in the situation I found myself in. If the shield failed, I would die, which was good, but I’d die an ugly death, and I didn’t want that. I also didn’t like the fact that the fire splashed onto the bubble and didn’t dissipate, but I was even less fond of the rapidly rising temperature of the bubble. I tried to back away from the flames, but the bubble wasn’t all that big in the first place.

“Sister! This Wendigo is only a danger to himself, not to anypony!” Luna said loudly and quickly, probably for my sake.

“There is no such thing as a friendly Wendigo, Luna! They’re just furless bipedal savages!” Luna’s sister shouted. “Are you so blind as to forget ridding our lands of them!?”

“Celestia, listen to me! Red Rum is a lost soul in desperate need of care, guidance, and behavioral correction! He’s not dangerous to us!”

“If you have to kill me, do it with a laser and preferably aim for the center of my chest! It’s considerably more efficient!” I chimed in.

The fire quenched itself. “... It talks?” Celestia said. “Wendigos don’t… They screech and hiss snake-like words of a language nopony knew, but never did we manage to teach one to speak…”

“RAWR!” I tried, gnashing my teeth.

I heard a pop and got whacked by a rolled up newspaper. “Bad. Stop it.” Luna said.

I rubbed my head. “My feelings.”

“Luna, what is this creature?” The white one asked.

Luna dropped the shield around me and I started walking toward Celestia as she answered. “This creature calls itself a Hyumun, but I do not know of ‘America’, his homeland.”

“That country does not exist.” Celestia answer with finality.

Luna erected a wall of magic in front of me when she saw where I was going. “Red Rum, what are you doing?”

I pointed at Celestia. “Squishable as fuck. Lemme give her a hug.”

“No. Come.”

“I did that and it was nice and all, but I wanna hug her.”

“Red Rum, why do you want to hug me?” Celestia asked kindly, her voice carrying a matronly quality that was a far cry from the stern, ‘I’m gonna rip your innards out through your bunghole’ kind of vibe she’d had before.

“You look even softer than Luna.” I answered honestly.

She studied me for a little bit, so I gave her a minute smile, little more than a curving of my lips. Apparently she was content with what she found. “Come here then, and let me apologize for jumping to conclusions. You seem to be taking things rather well, if I may say so.”

“Sister!” Luna objected. “It is most inappropriate to be showing affection to a sapient Familiar!”

Celestia let me hug her as she answered Luna. “You said yourself that Red Rum needs care and ‘behavioral correction’. Hugging is good behavior that we should be encouraging within reason.” I’d let go a bit before she finished her sentence and had started walking back toward Luna.

When Celestia finished her sentence, I spun around and pointed at her. “Yes. What you said is important words that should be heard.”

She gave me a little smile. “You mean they are important words, dear.”

I stuck my tongue out at her and walked backward until I passed Luna. I then took the closest seat to her, which was easily five feet away, and moved it considerably closer. Luna teleported my chair away when I sat down, so I landed on my achy breaky coccyx and got back to business by moving the chair back to where I put it the first time. The moment I took my hands off of it, Luna teleported it away again.

“Sit over there.” She said irritably.

I looked at her for a bit and decided to try playing along with what she wanted to see if that would make her happy. I mean, I could probably win her trust and finally get a good chance to off myself soon enough. “Okay.”

Luna seemed surprised, but didn’t seem to want to jinx her luck, so she let me sit down in peace. “Red Rum, do you require protein for every meal, or just some?”

“I don’t need it for every meal as long as I eat enough in another.”

She nodded and Celestia made a curious noise. “An omnivorous, sapient Familiar? You most certainly are interesting, Red Rum.”

“Thank you, but you’re more huggable than I am interesting.” I bobbed my head from side to side.

“Why art thou kind to thine Mistress’ sister, but not thine Mistress herself!?” Luna cried.

I tilted my head at her. “You’ve made it clear that you’re my owner. I don’t like being owned. No one in their right mind likes being owned.”

“No one in their right mind tries to take their own life, but lo’ and behold!” Massa proclaimed.

“What.” Celestia said, her voice echoing in the medium sized, sparsely decorated room. It was weird since it didn’t seem that echoey.

“Yes! This loon tried to trick me into thinking he was a Wendigo so I would kill him after instinctually running from danger, tried to impale himself on my horn, and bit off his own tongue when I punished him for excessive disobedience! I cannot rid myself of him in good conscience for I doubt he will see the Sun the night of his release!” Luna reared back and flung her forehooves wide open in an impossible angle for a normal horse.

“... Have you tried being nice to him?” Celestia asked slowly.

“He rarely gives me a reason to be nice!” She snapped.

“Cute is a compliment.” I said.

“I am not cute!” Luna snapped with a bit more venom.

“Sister, you’re downright adorable.” Celestia teased. “However, Red Rum, you need to stop antagonizing Luna as I’m sure you’ve been doing.”

I pointed at Luna. “She’s enslaving me and forcing me to do things I don’t want to do. A normal person from my country would have her arrested, or since she has diplomatic immunity I’m sure, just kill her. I’m not exactly normal, but I don’t like the concept of a quadruped with strange powers and a penchant for meddling in my business to be in charge of me.”

Celestia’s muzzle formed a frown. “What is she forcing you to do?”

“Servant bullshit and live.”

“... It still strikes me as odd that you want to die for no discernible reason.” The white Pony said, though something struck me as a little off when she said that. I didn't doubt that she'd been suicidal before and was just putting up a front.

“Exactly!” Luna cried.

“Hmm… Red Rum, how would you feel about doing me a little favor?” Celestia asked.

“I would feel bored, but that’s not out of the norm.” I replied.

She gave me what I assumed was a kind smile since her tone was sweet. “Could you write me a journal of sorts? A collection of your thoughts and observations, perhaps?”

“Sure.”

“Excellent. What do you think your first entry would be?”

“I dunno. I guess it’d start from falling on my butt in Luna’s room.” I answered noncommittally.

“A fitting place to begin, I suppose. I do wonder why you’re not worried about being so far removed from all you know.” Luna asked, remorse and pity tinging her voice, but only slightly.

I looked at her and barked out a fake laugh. “It doesn’t matter where I go, I’m just here to die, babe. The sooner you let it happen, the sooner you don’t have to worry about me.”

The newspaper came back and Luna whacked me again. “Stop that.”

“If you keep treating me like a dog, I’ll start acting like one.”

“Luna, stop abusing your familiar. Red Rum, you’re not a slave, you’re a companion. The problem is that you seem to care so little about anything, and Luna isn’t the most compassionate mare on Equus. We need to find a way to make you two meet in the middle before something terrible happens.” Celestia said. “Luna, from now on, if you want Red Rum to do something, I’m sure he’ll be far more inclined to do it if you ask instead of order. Red Rum, please try to be receptive to our help. We can help you find happiness-”

“I’m good. You have to have sadness to have happiness, and I’ve had enough sadness, but I’ll do the thing if Lulu asks nicely.” I replied casually.

Luna passed me a weary glare. “Please stop annoying me.”

“I don’t try. Making you cum was an accident.” I commented.

Celestia did a spit-take and gave me a spitakke from like, over ten feet away. It was ridiculous. “Excuse me.” She said politely, drying her mouth.

Luna gave her an odd look. “Red Rum has not made me go anywhere today.”

“That’s not what he meant, Luna. It’s really not.” Celestia sighed. “Red Rum-”

“You can call me Remmy or Rummy if you want.”

“Remmy then. Don’t violate my sister.” She said icily.

“I didn’t know that making her blush cover her body would do that.”

“We agreed not to talk about it!” Luna cried, her face lighting up.

“You ordered me not to talk about it. At least I didn’t embarrass you in front of your guards.” I said in a conciliatory tone.

She glared at me. “So quick to forget your own nonsense?”

“Yes.” I gave her a smile.

Celestia chuckled. “It sounds like you’ll have your hooves full with this one, Sister. Tell me, were you planning on letting Remmy sleep in your room?”

“T’would be convenient, but I believe that there are those who would assume that I was doing unsavory things with him.” Luna said drily. “I doubt he would allay though suspicions should he be questioned about them.”

Celestia looked at me. “Well? Would you?”

“ Do unsavor- No, I'm not going to piss her off. Anyway, to answer what I think you actually meant, it depends on if Luna’s around to defend herself. If she’s not, then it’s no fun.” I answered, trying to put my twenty-six years of wisdom into my voice.

“So you would rather be present for my suffering and humiliation?” Luna scoffed.

“I wasn’t aware that I was something to be ashamed of yet, though it’s nice to have the extra reminder as to where we stand.” I let a little grin play on my lips while Luna’s ears flicked.

“If you would act as a proper Familiar should, I wouldn’t have to be embarrassed of you.” Luna sniffed.

“How would you feel if someone made you into a Familiar?” I asked.

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You could not seriously be comparing the pride of a Princess to a commoner.”

“I’m comparing the pride of a Princess to the pride of a born and bred American. You fall flat in comparison.” I lifted my chin and looked down my nose at her for extra ‘Go fuck yourself.’.

“I can make you eat from the floor.” Luna warned.

“I’ll turn you red again.” I countered.

She got a headstart on that for me. “I-If you purposefully incite such an incident again, I will muzzle you!”

A bell sounded and servants started bringing food into the room. “And I believe it is time for that conversation to finish.” Celestia announced.

I shrugged it off and focused on the food that was quickly filling the table. Once everything was where it was supposed to be, I got up and collected a few things that I didn’t mind eating and ate them, but when I finished, Luna asked, “You could not possibly be satisfied with two pieces of fruit and a biscuit.”

“I’d prefer it if that biscuit had gravy, but I don’t really eat much. I just eat often.” I answered.

“Then collect snacks for later. I will not be bothered to guide you to the kitchens.” Luna sniffed.

“Sister, I understand that you are frustrated with Red Rum, so why don’t we have a servant show him to a room in your wing since he’s finished with breakfast?” Celestia looked to me. “How does that sound to you, Remmy? Are you weary at all?”

I smiled. “Always. Point me in the right direction.”

Nobody did any pointing, but I was teleported into a room that was rather lavish, and for the third time since I’d killed myself, I fell on my ass, but this time there was a bed underneath it. With that all said and done, I looked around and found the various shades of blue and purple in the room to be to my liking, but when I got up and started looking around for stuff, I found a bathroom with a shower slash tub combo that seemed to be a weird fusion of old fashioned and new school tech. Without anything else to do, I got washed up and went to sleep.

Quoth The Sun

Celestia recognized Luna’s frustrations for what they were and voiced her opinion on the matter once Remmy was out of the room. “Sister, you’re expecting a being not unlike your average stallion to simply be fine with becoming a pet. Red Rum was not born one of our subjects, nor does he even seem to be from this world, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t listen to your commands.”

Luna made a face. “... Tis easy to forget that there are beings we cannot order around so casually, but our will is better for Red Rum than his own! The minor tasks I ask of him are comparatively nothing to the promise of a better life!”

“... You truly don’t understand where he’s coming from?” Celestia asked dubiously.

The Princess of the Night narrowed her eyes. “You speak as if you do.”

“I’m more surprised that you don’t know the feeling of being so incredibly sad that being dead seems better than living for another day.” Celestia replied. “However, you always did have more willpower than I did.”

Luna gave her a look. “You ran Equestria for a millenium while alone.”

“And you never thought of death as an escape, even at your loneliest point.” Celestia replied kindly. “I do find you admirable for that.”

The blue one blushed gently and her sister knew she’d scored a point. “Be that as it may, I do believe I will require your assistance for handling Red Rum.”

“And you will have it as you need it. I sense a kind soul in Red Rum, though it’s hard to see past the general aura of flippancy.” Celestia mused.

“If that creature is some manner of kind, I will take a bite out of my crown.” Luna grumbled.

“What was that?” Her sister asked, not having heard the muttered words.

“Hateful words that bear no repetition.” Luna sighed. “Honestly, Celestia, I have no idea how I am supposed to make Red Rum enjoy life without knowing much of what modern ponies like, and him being from a different planet does me no favors, so what am I supposed to do?”

“Have you tried giving him a hug?”

Celestia received a deadpan look for her words. “Why would I let him put his paws on me?”

“... Why are you so against it? You love the Dogs in the Night Guard for their paws since they’re so novel.”

Luna glared at her. “His paws are different! They’re-”

“Considerably softer and generally just an improvement over Dog paws or blunted Naga claws for that matter. Remmy ran his fingers through my mane for a moment and it was actually quite nice.” Celestia informed informatively to inform her sister of the information.

“... You are weird.” Luna declared.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “For the love of Solaire, Luna, you’re being ridiculous. It’s just furbonding with your Familiar. I doubt he can even help wanting to be close to you with the settings I put into the cube.”

“Which was a dirty trick that’s turned into one of the most intense headaches I have had since my return.” Luna growled.

“Are you just going to ignore the fact that there’s a being who would rather be your friend than your Familiar or your servant? Even if Remmy doesn’t do what you tell him to, you’ve got to admit that he’s amusing, and we rarely have an opportunity to make friends that aren't beholden to us in some way.”

“Why would I want a friend that does nothing but vex me!? He is little more than a verbal menace!”

“That’s because you need to be nicer to him! You tend to be fairly disrespectful when you’re giving orders.” Celestia said kindly.

“Oh, you bleeding heart.” Luna shot back irritably. “When does kindness become toxic, Celestia? I do not doubt that this creature will either act as if he is getting better in order to gain an opportunity to die, or he will attempt to trample our generosity. I will not abide by either.”

“You know he only ate so little because he didn’t want to owe us anything, correct?” Celestia countered sharply. “He thought that a meager meal would be easier to pay off.”

“You read his mind? That is illegal, sister!” Luna gasped

Celestia nodded. “So do you want to know what else I found so you don’t feel as though he’s just some fool that hates you?”

The blue one nodded curtly. “Do tell.”

“For one, his mind is well defended, but I was able to skim a few errant thoughts that were floating around and learned that he has the intense desire to pet you.” The Solar Diarch announced.

“No.” Luna replied flatly.

“He thinks of us as plush dolls that talk.”

“Wow.”

“The best chance you have of getting him to have a positive emotion is-”

“Not happening.” Luna deadpanned.

“He’s your Familiar.” Celestia argued.

“I thought he was practically a stallion?” Luna countered.

“You’re insistent on calling him your Familiar, so why won’t you treat him as an intelligent one? Besides ripping him from his home and forcing him to live, which he has made very apparent that he hates, I don’t think you’ve had time to give Red Rum a reason to listen to you in the first place, Woona.” Celestia played with dirty tactics, using her big sister voice.

“Shut up.” Luna said flatly.

“I’ll stain you pink again if you don’t hug Remmy.” The elder of the two promised.

“... I suppose I could let him sleep at the foot of my bed instead…?” Luna tried.

Celestia gave her a look. “If you were dealing with a depressed Pony, you would hug them.”

“I do not want him to touch me, Celestia.” Luna said firmly.

“Luna, Wendigos have been unheard of in anything other than legends for nearly two and a half thousand years, and Red Rum only looks kind of like one. Granted that I'm guilty of jumping to conclusions before being fully aware of his appearance, he lacks the razor sharp teeth, the claws, and his socks were too cute to be hiding… Feet.” She shuddered.

“... They were worse than the Windigos, Celestia. Their touch was-” Luna shivered, shaking her head to clear it of the thought. “How you can bear to let him put his paws on you is beyond me, but I do not desire it.”

“Then ask him politely not to touch you and give him a hug.” Celestia tried.

Luna had a brilliant idea. “We should make this a test for Twilight and her friends! Rehabilitating this crazy creature would be the perfect challenge for them!”

Her big sister gave her a disappointed look. “Get over your fear and hug your poor Familiar, dammit.”

“But Cel~ly!” Luna whined.

“No buts, Luna! You agreed to take care of him when you didn’t send him back, so take responsibility for your new husband and-”

“Oh, shut up.” Luna snapped. “I will hug him if you quit your henpecking.”

Celestia beamed. “Was that so hard?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “I’m going to bed. Have a good day, you oversized filly.”

Celestia smiled. “Good morning, Lulu. Sweet dreams.”

Celestia watched as her sister teleported away and couldn't help but frown. Her new familiar was worrisome to say the least, but Remmy didn’t seem to be terribly dangerous to anything other than himself so far. Celestia resolved to take a piece of her consciousness and walk in his dreams for a bit so she could see what he was thinking about in his sleep, if his species even dreamed at all. Out of all the races, Ponies were the only ones who regularly dream, and that’s only because of Luna, but Celestia had a feeling that the Wendigo-look-alike had more to him than either of them knew.

After setting her body on Princess Mode to run her errands, Celestia opened her mind’s eye and cast its gaze about the castle, her awareness seeping through the halls, walls, and floors in the fastest route to her target. From her earlier taste of Red Rum’s consciousness, she tailored her approach to a more delicate intrusion, rather than the quick and dirty invasion that she generally had to use for the extra-Pony races. If she was nice about it, the process didn’t leave the… target, with much more than a headache that a subsequent spell could whisk away with little to no effort, but there was always the chance of Celestia deciding that someone’s brain was more of a welcome mat specifically made for rainy days.

The tendril of Celestia’s mind reached out for Red Rum’s husk and glided through it, entering the void of slumber. For the first time in a dozen centuries, Celestia felt the lure of someone else’s dreamless existence, which scared her enough to keep her awake. The last being that had nearly pulled her under the somnal current was a strange one that she’d only ever met one of, though it somewhat resembled both Ponies and whatever it was that Red Rum said he was. For the millionth time, Celestia inwardly rolled her eyes at the stupid palindrome and wondered if Luna was actually going to let him kill something before she just let Big Sis take care of business, though she still couldn't shake the feeling that Remmy wasn't exactly out to hurt her little Ponies. After all, his first reaction to seeing her had been to give her affection, and Celestia knew from her quick jaunt through his mind that he regretted letting go at an appropriate time and not holding on longer, citing his status as an alien as a good reason to not let go.

At the thought of business (And after thinking about the hug. It was a rather nice hug, after all.), Celestia got back to the task at hand, the mindscape making her a little more susceptible to being scatterbrained. Random, seemingly baseless thoughts often flitted about, but Celestia finally realized that there seemed to be fewer of the interruptions than normal. As she started paying attention, she came to realize that some of the thoughts were coalescing to look at her with colored eyes, though each of the amorphous, swirling spouts of smoke and vapor were of little danger to her. The Princess was surprised to find that, for one, Red Rum had a Tulpa, and two, that it wasn’t either desperately trying to kill her or begging to lick her hooves for a spoonful of help.

Celestia looked at the manifestations and frowned. “If you’re not going to show me your true form, then I don’t believe we have business.”

“I can’t show you what I don’t have. Why don’t you start doing jazz hands, huh?” The Tulpa sniped, it’s voice rather androgynous, though it had a slightly feminine lilt to it. Celestia assumed it was a tomcolt.

She looked at the offending vortex. “So Red Rum isn’t aware of you?”

“Wish he was. I don’t know if he’d care, but I’m not that into the whole dying thing, y’know? Like, this dude is nuts, and I just want to sit back and watch him mess with people! Is it so much to ask for my main source of entertainment to not try and killboth of us?”

“Apparently, but I’ll definitely let Red Rum know that a life is tied to his…” Celestia trailed off, her inner politician shining through.

The miniature tornados gathered together, though they didn’t make the main body any larger. “I may have been born at night, and it may have been last night, but I can’t really just let you rape this guy’s mind, Chicorita.”

“My name is Celestia, and I do not mindrape.” She said, enunciating carefully. “I was merely looking to asking you some questions.”

“Ah. Ask away.” The Tulpa said agreeably.

Celestia nodded. “My first question ref-”

“WHORE-NAH!”

“... ‘Or nah’?”

The unidentified thing chuckled. “I’m fuckin’ with ya, go on, go on.”

Celestia gave it a look. “It won’t hurt Red Rum if I kill you.”

“... These are the moments where I hide.” It faded away quickly, leaving no outward trace of itself, though Celestia knew it was watching.

It really didn’t matter.

The Tulpa was snatched from its multiple hiding places and was forced to face Celestia in a singular humanoid form. “Hello, Tulpa. It’s so good to see you again.”

“Wish I could say the same, but I think you’re gonna kill me.” It said worriedly.

“Are you going to give me a reason to?”

“... I’m not gonna be able to stop you from doing jack shit, am I?”

“I assume that means you think you’re powerless against me, and if that’s true, then you would be correct.”

“Great.”

“Indeed. Now you say that you were born last night?” Celestia asked.

“... So the longer I talk, the longer I live?”

“That would seem to be what I’m implying. Do a lot of talking and promise not to do Red Rum any harm and we’ll be the best of friends.” Celestia gave it a charming smile.

“Cool beans.” It droned.

“Be nice and tell me what Red Rum’s real name is.”’

“I dunno.”

“... You don’t know your host’s name?” She asked, not believing it for a second.

“... I dunno what you want from me, but this? This place right here?” It swung its smoky arms out wide. “This is where I stay. The random blurbs, trains of thought, fleeting memories; here. I don’t go into the places where stuff like his actual memories and subconscious are because that shit’s scary.”

Celestia frowned, not liking the truthful ring of the Tulpa’s words. Beings with multiple levels, that being more than the Conscious and Subconscious, usually meant that the being had a propensity for hiding their true nature, even to themselves. “... What lies deeper within?”

“The only thing I know for sure is that Remmy is all sorts of looney, dude. I don’t get a hostile vibe from him, and I saw a few of his memories and he’s generally pretty nice to people who are nice to him. I’m sure you could just ask him anything you want to know and use a truth spell or something. This whole ‘mindrape’ thing is pretty impolite. Like, you just kinda walked into my home and-”

“Be quiet. How much do you know of Red Rum?” Celestia asked foolishly.

“How much does Luna know of him, Celly? This guy’s a wildcard, and I’m not exactly trying to dive to any level deeper than I can get to easily.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Do you have a name, Tulpa?”

The mental construct reached into the ether and started pulling letters from thoughts until it had something good. “How about Yuffie? I think Remmy has fond memories of that name.” Yuffie said.

“Yuffie then. Do you know where this name came from.”

It shrugged. “I’m pretty sure it was from a weird game. Anything other than that is beyond me.”

“Come. We will discover more together.” Celestia declared.

“Ah… Uh… Can we not? Please?” The Tulpa asked, sounding more effeminate as it sounded more desperate.

“Tulpas are dangerous to leave unchecked.” Celestia implicated heavily.

The Tulpa hugged itself. “... You don’t have to relive the memories, Celestia. I… Please don’t make me go back.” Yuffie begged. “I know you’re really into it and all and I get that, I really do, but I-I can’t go back…”

The Solar Diarch approached her after deciding on her pronouns. “Yuffie, what have you seen?”

Yuffie started shrinking, her form dissipating as she tried to collect herself. “... Do you know what drugs are?”

“Of course. There are few enough of them in Equestria, but they exist.” Celestia said, her tone mollifying and warm. “Was Red Rum a former addict?”

“No… He doesn’t remember what happened before the noose got cut, but… He took a lot of different drugs. Even if he didn’t hang himself, he would have overdosed or his heart would have exploded. Remmy was as good as dead, and then he shot himself. I…” Yuffie disappear completely, hiding on another level of Red Rum’s consciousness.

“Yuffie?” Celestia called out, unable to sense the Tulpa in the current level. “... What in Tartarus is going on with this colt?” She thought for a moment. "Boy, I suppose. Not that it matters." She sighed, the mindscape dragging her attention away from her task for a moment.

Celestia shook her head and dived deeper, skipping over the level that the Tulpa was hiding on and heading down as far as she could go without disturbing Red Rum’s slumber, but she wasn’t expecting the inner working of someone who seemed so calm at all times to have such a catastrophe in motion inside. She shieded herself from unimportant memories and began her digging, rewinding the clock back a year for starters until she could start narrowing the possibilities down.

Quoth The Wendigo

I woke up as refreshed as I usually get and stretched on the spacious bed that had been loaned to me for the day. Instead of doing nothing, I decided to get out and about to go and see what the do does as it goes along, desp[ite wanting to go back to sleep until Luna came to make me do something. After exiting my room, I started wandering around the Castle aimlessly since the Sun was still in the sky, but by the time I was good and lost, I was feeling a bit better about the prospect of being enslaved to a blue Pony Princess with boundaries that I fully planned on pushing more often than not. It just seemed like such a fun thing to make her life suck since she was making mine suck by forcing me to live, so I figured that a little tit for tat would be fair. Still, it was awfully hard to bother her while in the empty halls of the castle while being completely lost, so I found another empty room and entered it because no one had told me not to.

I saw Ponies having sex for the first time when I did that, and I had to say that it was odd that I could compare the length of my meat overall to the length that the one fellow was endowed with. I’m not gay or into bestiality, but since these were sentient Ponies that could talk and had emotions, it felt less like watching a nature documentary and more like being a voyeur in a place where I would probably get trampled for saying anything about what I saw. I watched as there white stallion bucked into the similarly white mare and hoped that their coats didn’t mean that they were related for a little while.

“Oh dear Celestia, Clean Streak! Buck me harder Daddy!” The mare cried passionately.

“You like that Rosy Cheeks? I can give you a little more.” Clean Streak growled sensually.

I didn’t notice anything, but apparently it got better for Rosy because she said, “Ooh~ Mmm~ Just like that, Streaky! Keep bucking me like I’m your bad little filly!”

“Buck me, Rosy! Your flank is so tight~!” ‘Streaky’ replied.

I took a moment to consider the intimacy of the situation and asked myself how amusing it was that Ponies had the same dirty-talk as people and found it absolutely titillating for all of one second before the boredom came back. Then Streaky said, “Rosy! I’m getting close!”

“Buck it deep into my flank, Clean Streak! Fill me all the way up you stud!”

“Fill her up! Fill her up! Fill her up!” I chanted.

They froze and both of them pulled a Luna and turned bright red, their formerly white coats becoming crimson in the span of like, three seconds before Rosy make some lady love juice and Streaky blew his load, the mixture of their juices falling to the floor in splatters. Streaky craned his neck around to look at me and Rosy stared straight ahead awkwardly like she’d just been caught having sex on the job.

“... So… How long ya been there buddy?” Clean Streak asked, his body still scarlet.

I gave him my creepiest, warmest smile. “Buck me harder Daddy!”

More Pony Juice splattered on the floor.

“... How many bits is it gonna take for you to forget this?” The stallion asked.

“The mental scarring will never go away, but twenty bits will make the healing process speed up.” I said cheerfully.

Clean Streak flinched because my version of cheer comes off as fake, even when I put a little effort into it. “... Only twenty?”

“If you’d like to give me ten more for not spanking you while you didn’t notice I was here, that would be a nice bonus.”

“... Fifty bits for your silence?”

“I only asked for thirty?” I gave him an amused smile.

“Eh-heh heh… Heh. A hundred?” He asked weakly.

“Deal!” I said before he could bankrupt himself. “A hundred bits to not remember the two ponies I found cleaning a room and doing nothing else. Sounds good to me.”

Clean Streak sighed because he was probably about to get fired, but I didn’t go anywhere. “... Are you going to keep standing there?”

“It smells like roses and bleach in here.” I commented casually.

More Pony Juice hit the floor.

“At this rate, you two are actually going to have to do some cleaning.”

Add in a little more.

“What does Rosy’s pussy feel like?” I asked for the purpose of being an asshole.

Another cupful splattered. They were just making a shameful, smelly mess. Not that I was helping.

Rosy started and scrambled out from underneath Clean Streak before gaping at me. “... What are you?”

“About eight inches long if you’re interested.” I answered blithely.

Even more Pony Juice hit the floor. It was great.

“... Do you want some kind of favor on top of a bribe?” Rosy asked nervously.

“When you’re not post-coitus, can I pet your mane? Luna doesn’t let me pet her mane. Or her coat for that matter. I think that woman has issues.” I commented casually.

“Um… Let me bathe and that’s a yes, I guess. As long as that’s all you want.” Rosy answered.

I fistpumped. “Yes! Finally! A Pony willing to let me pet them! I’ll go away now, but I’ll probably be in Night Court all night if you wanna find me.” I gave them a smile.

They smiled back awkwardly and Clean Streak said, “I-I-I’ll get your bits to you as soon as possible…? What’s your name?”

“Red Rum. It’s nice to meet you, Clean Streak, Rosy Cheeks. I hope we become friends after this!” I waved as I fucked off and closed the door behind me to wander around the same hall for a while.

I eventually found another couple of people to bother in the form of two guards who were guarding a door that I wasn’t allowed in for some reason. It was up a big ass tower that had taken me an hour to climb because I stopped to see the sights from every level, but still. The guards wouldn’t let me into the room with the big golden sun on the double door, so I decided to have a little fun with them since they were the stoic kinds of fellows. Their armor looked hot and heavy compared to the night shift guards’ stuff, but I didn’t doubt that the Ponies could move just fine with whether or not they were wearing the cumbersome-looking gear.

After a brief conversation that ended with me getting no information as to where I was, or even a reply for that matter, I walked up to the guard on the left. “Hey.” The Pony stared straight ahead, so I booped it. “Hey Mr. Guard.” He glared at me so I reached down and scratched his ear. “Who’s the cutest little Pony on this side of the castle? Is it you?”

His partner snickered just a little too loudly and attracted my attention. When I looked over to him, he jerked his head back to looking straight forward, but the damage was already done. “Do you think that’s funny, other less-cute Pony? I’m glad you accept that you’re ugly and unloveable to anyone but me.”

I caught a hoof to the stomach from the Pony whose ear I was scratching for that one and they both looked like they were done dealing with my shit, so I decided to make them deal with Anon’s bullshit, not just Red Rum’s. Red Rum might be me, but Anon is more me and it’s twenty-eight percent more infuriating. I took a moment to decide how bad I was going to piss them off for his treachery and decided on ‘Foaming at the Mouth, Tight at the Anus’ kinda pissed. I didn’t even stumble after catching the hoof to the stomach, so all I had to do to enact my vengeance was juke to right of the guard in front of me and hop on his back.

That was a bad idea on my part.

“YYYEERRRKK! NAAAY-HEY-HEY!” The poor guard screeched, bucking like mad in an effort to dislodge me. I learned that the guy was a girl in the process, which was nice.

I held onto his neck for dear life as my poor tender bits got smashed against the hard bronze armor covering her back time and time again, but once I wrapped my legs around her barrel and seized a handful of her mane, I started having a much better time. “We~e! Wo~o! Ride'em doge-ie!”

Her partner tried to tackle me off of his back a time or two, but the poor gal I was riding was freaking out so hard that it didn’t really matter since she didn’t stay in one place too long, so instead of riding her to exhaustion, I unwrapped my legs and hopped off of her at a decent moment that didn’t leave me with broken ankles and ran into the room they were supposed to be guarding. It was probably a really nice room, but I wasn’t terribly focused on what the decor was like since I had two pissed off Ponies on my tail for a crime I most certainly did commit, but I just had to dig the hole as deep as I possibly could.

“All hail the two-leg superior! Humans rule, ponies drool! Gorgonzola, don’t eat that nurple!” I tried to think of other ludicrous things to say as I zig-zagged towards the big, luxurious canopy bed that lie near the far side of the room, and when I reached it, I jumped on top and and spun around, catching my pursuers by surprise.

“Stop!” I shouted. “The bed is home base! No tagsies or tricksies at base!” I declared boldly.

The guards looked at me with absolute confusion in their eyes and one of them spoke up. “... You think this is a game?”

“Of course it’s a game! The winner gets two hugs and the losers have to stand around and watch a door all day.” I gave them a big, empty smile.

They looked at each other and back to me. The mare who’d spoken before spoke again. “If we give you hugs, will you get out of here?”

I blinked and observed the reasonable offer for what it was. “... Can you get Luna to hug me?”

They looked at each other again and I learned that they were both mares. “Um, guy? I don’t think Luna hugs anypony other than Celestia.”

“Can I pretend that one of you are Luna and the other one is Celestia?” I sat down on the bed and put my feet together, holding them in place needlessly with my hands.

“Sweetie, how old are you?” The first mare asked.

“Old enough to know that I’m being silly, but young enough to still want love and affection.” I lied.

“You’re not being silly, you’re trespassing in Celestia’s room, and if we get-” The second mare started as a flash of light blinded us for a second. "Shit." She breathed.

Celestia appeared on the bed beside me and gave me a long smile because her face was longer than her guards' own features. “Hello, Remmy.”

I wrapped an arm around her and scooted closer. “Celestia! Are you busy?”

“Day Court just concluded. I figured it was you intruding in my personal chambers.” She said amusedly.

“In fairness, I didn't know it was your room for sure until one of your nice guard ladies told me. They offered me hugs to leave!” I said, feigning cheer and joy.

“Were you going to accept them and stay?”

“No, I was going to leave if they let me pretend that they were you and Luna though.”

“Why would you want them to pretend to be myself and Luna?”

“Because I like you, even if you give me a bad feeling every once in a while, and I have a Luna shaped doll in my void that I can’t reach out and hug like I want to.”

Celestia hummed. “I’ve been trying to get Luna to warm up to the idea of hugging you, but I think it might be a little while. You can have a hug from me whenever you’re on your best behavior, however.”

“My best behavior isn’t fun.” I grumbled.

“Light Stride, Canter Cart, what was Red Rum doing to distract you enough to gain entry to my room?” Celestia asked calmly, her voice not betraying any possible consequences.

They both gulped and the second mare answered with, “H-He called me the cutest pony in the castle, called Light the ugliest and most unloveable one in the castle, and then he hopped on my back like- Er… Well, I don’t think anypony rides ponies like he rode me…” She shivered.

I gave her a wink. “We can try another kind of riding if you’re up for it.”

Celestia whapped me with one of her wings. “Remmy, don’t sexually harass my guards. Save that for Luna.”

The guards’ jaws dropped as I huffed. “I’ll ride Luna and see how she feels about it.”

Celestia’s head turned slightly and she cast an amused eye towards me. “She’ll teleport you off of her. I trust that it won’t be that interesting for you, but you could always make a comment about blueberry pie.”

“Does she taste like blueberry pie?”

“Remmy, stop talking and go to the Dining Hall.” Celestia chuckled.

“I’m really lost.” I admitted.

“Would you like to walk with me?” She asked kindly.

“Please? And can I touch your mane while we walk?”

“Are your paws clean?”

“I washed them earlier, but that was before I got good and lost. I don’t think I’ve touched anything icky since then.”

“Show me.” Celestia commanded without a real edge to her voice. I say command, but it was more like a firm request. Either way, I exhibited my digits for her and she nodded. “Perfectly spotless. You may touch my mane as you please.”

I ran my fingers through her silky, satiny locks and hummed. “Fly little blackbird sing your song, fly little blackbird now come along. Fly little blackbird and find your seeds, fly little blackbird and fill your needs.” I sang quietly.

“Stride, Cart, you’re dismissed.” Celestia said quietly as I carried my impromptu tune along.

We got to moving shortly after that and I came up with a few more verses that were all sweet and pleasant to hear, and when I started over, Celestia sang along with me. After we got through the first verse, the one that’s listed above, we sang, “Fly little bluebird and blend with the sky. Fly little bluebird and let me catch your eye. Fly little bluebird chirp chirp chirp. Fly little bluebird before the cat burps. Land little blackbird and come see me. Land little bluebird and let us be three. Join me little birdies and come to the feast. Join me little birdies before I head east. Let us be together for one more day. Let us be together until the bonds fray. Never will we part in the center of the mind. Never let us part until the end we all find. Even through the end, we won’t be apart. Even through the end, you’re both in my heart.”

We sang the song a few times until Celestia asked, “Is that song yours, or does it come from somewhere else?”

“My Dad’s favorite color was black and my Mom loved blue. The song is mine, but I guess there’s more to it than I really considered.” I said, wiping away another set of tears.

“Your parents are both gone?”

“Even if they weren’t, I still wouldn’t be able to see them. It doesn’t make me sad anymore, so I don’t know why my eyes are leaking.” I said stubbornly. I admit that it probably still hurt somewhere down deep since I never really dealt with their passing, but it was more of an annoyance than anything else at this point and future points in my life. I was a little more annoyed that the song had elements of deeper thoughts and fragments of emotional memories that I often spurned, but it didn't sour my day anymore than being alive.

“Maybe you’ve just shut your mind off from your heart? The body was always the most honest thing about anyone. You can lie and have your mind prepared for any possible questions that may come, but your body will betray you naturally.” Celestia said, her voice ringing with wisdom befitting of a Princess that’s a lot more like a Queen than the other thing.

“Your probably right, but I don’t want to be in touch with my heart. I already don’t wanna deal with life as is. Adding emotions to the mix is just gonna make it worse.”

Celestia altered her path so that she was walking a little closer to me. “I don’t believe you’ll have that opinion forever, and when you’re ready to open your heart again, you can trust that I’ll be with you whenever you call. I promise you that, my friend.”

“I thought Familiars weren’t-”

“I don’t care what the end of that sentence is, if it’s coming from what Luna’s told you, then it’s wrong. You’re a special case, Remmy. You’re obviously more intelligent than most Familiars, and you’re definitely too special to treat as any kind of common pet. My Familiar, Philomena, is as intelligent as you or I, but she lacks a certain spark that we have; that all sentient, sapient creatures have. Where Philomena would rather have a mate or her favorite snack, we would choose to procrastinate on eating in order to finish a nonessential task or teach someone that isn’t one of our offspring how to perform a trick or duty. It’s a matter of a word called ‘Philapathy’, which is the order of morality, compassion, and logical thought that the sapient races hold above animals. You and I possess different forms of Philapathy that Philomena, as smart as she is, just cannot.”

I looked at Celestia and poked her neck. “Well thank you for saying that I deserve to be treated as an equal in being if not status. That’s rather reasonable of you.”

Celestia gave me a little smile. “You stopped running your digits through my mane.”

“My paws are called ‘hands’ and my digits are normally called ‘fingers’, if the information means anything to you.”

“Your fingers feel rather nice.”

“Your mane feels a lot better than my fingers do to me. It’s like running my hand through warm air that kinda sorta has substance to it, but it’s even better than that sounds.”

“Hooves aren’t terribly sensitive, so I can’t imagine what that would feel like.” Celestia chuckled.

“Maybe you could work some magic and turn yourself into a Human long enough to feel your own… Well, it’d be hair at that point, but I could tell you if it felt the same.”

“Hmm… Transmogrification is one of my specialties, after all.” Celestia mused. “We could try it with Luna’s permission some time. A shape-swap, that is. It would be easier than just trying to copy your form.”

“Ooh, being a Pony sounds interesting. I’m willing to bet that your sense of smell and eyesight are different enough from mine that it’d be super cool to give it a shot.”

Celestia bumped me and giggled. “Maybe we could turn you into a mare?”

I would’ve shoved her if I wasn’t sure that she could’ve knocked me over with minimal effort. As it was, I just pinched her and got an ‘Ep!’, not an ‘Eep!’. “I’d only want to be a girl if I got to touch myself for as long as I wanted. Like, I’d rather be a Human for that so I could finger myself to be honest with you.”

Celestia broke out into little giggles. “It seems like someone doesn’t have much of a filter. Why would you rather take care of yourself than find someone to have a little fling with?”

“I don’t like the idea of being penetrated again. I had a boyfriend in highschool and we gave it a shot, but that was the end of my bisexuality.”

“Oh, so you’ve tried both sexes?”

“Yup. I like new experiences. Like riding Ponies.” I gave Celestia a shit-eating grin.

She gave me a look. “Please don’t ride my staff.”

We stopped walking at the same time and Celestia gave me the flattest look I think a Pony can give while I gave her a smile. “Can I stroke your staff?”

“If they say you can.” She deadpanned.

“Can I lick your staff?”

“Why do you want to taste my staff?” She asked, her face not betraying anything.

I winked at her. “Your staff seems like the tastiest around.”

“My staff is also the most substantial, though I think you’d prefer to try Luna’s.”

“I think I’d have more fun bouncing on your staff than Luna’s. Hers seems slimmer.”

Celestia narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you calling my staff fat?”

“I’m calling your staff juicy and appetizing.”

We didn’t say anything for a few seconds and Celestia started giggling. “Okay, I’m beginning to wish that I’d summoned you instead of Luna.”

“At least you treat me well.”

“Luna will treat you better as she gets more familiar with you.” Celestia said as she started walking again. “You’ve just got to give her a little time.”

“I wish you two would just let me go, but at least it’s been fun so far.”

“When you’re not sick anymore, we’ll see about sending you home.”

“But I’m not sick?”

Celestia gave me a look and another little smile. “You don’t think you’re unwell?”

“If you’re calling me crazy, then I resemble that statement.”

“Don’t you mean ‘resent’?”

“No, I’m not normal. I understand that.”

“As long as you’re not deluding yourself anymore than you already are.”

“Hmm? How am I deluding myself?” I asked interestedly.

“You think that your life isn’t worth seeing through to the end. You’re fooling yourself into believing that death is preferable to the joys that life will doubtlessly bring you.” Celestia said, her words carrying the weight of a woman far, far older than a normal horse would live.

“How old are you, Celestia?” I asked because of the thing I just said. Catching the weight her words carried reminded me of listening to Shifu Song speak his own wisdom and some that came from Ip Man. On a side note, Shifu knew Jeet Kune Do and could teach it just fine, it's just that he didn't like giving people offensive skills, which I respected until it got one of our students killed.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a mare her age?” Celestia asked, just like any other old woman.

“No. I know it’s rude to walk around naked though.”

“That’s normal, but I’m four thousand, two hundred, and around thirty or forty years old. The calendar has changed since I’ve been on the throne, so I have trouble counting the decades sometimes.” Celestia answered.

I let my hand rest on her neck. “Is that true?”

“My forgetfulness or my age?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

“I’d ask which one you’re saying yes to, but they both correlate.”

“Right.” Celestia’s horn lit up and I was confused for a moment, but then I had the odd feeling of being compressed like I was being surrounded by mattresses that were awfully thick. It was a decent feeling, but then I started spinning and that made my stomach churn for a few seconds until the sensations ceased just as suddenly as they’d come.

Teleporting kind of sucks.

Celestia and I appeared in the Dining Hall and Luna seemed a little surprised to see that I was with her sister when we showed up. “Celestia? I was wondering why you were tardy to our meal.”

“That was my fault. I found her room and wanted to go inside.” I confessed.

It took a second, but I got whacked with a newspaper again. “Bad. Don’t trespass into places you have no right to be.”

“Luna, stop hitting Remmy for little things.” Celestia chastised. “He didn’t make a mess and it gave us an opportunity to have a nice walk-and-talk, so it was a good thing in the end. However, you should hit him for hopping onto one of my guards.”

Luna hit me again, so I flipped her off. “My feelings.”

“Stop doing stupid things and I will stop disciplining you.” Luna stated matter-of-factly.

“Let me hug you and I’ll be good for the whole night.” I bargained.

Luna cast a furtive glance over to Celestia. “... One hug. One.”

I blinked. “... Are you serious? You’re going to let me hug you?”

“One hug.” Luna said intensely. “You get what you want and you behave for the entire night.”

I raised my right hand. “One hug and I’ll be good from sunset to sunup.”

Luna nodded slowly and backed away from the table. “I will not hug you back.”

That made my heart ache for some reason. “I think I’ll just go back to bed.”

Celestia looked at me. “Remmy? I thought you wanted to hug Luna?”

“It’s not important anymore. Can I have a journal and a pen so I can do that thing you asked me to do?”

“I suppose, but I’d like to know why you suddenly-”

“It’s nothing. I’ll find my way back to my room; don’t waste your time thinking about it.” I turned and walked out of the room before anyone could say anything else.

I wasn’t exactly hurt or anything, nor was I even annoyed. I’d hugged Celestia plenty of times and she’d never hugged me back, but for some reason, hearing Luna say that she had no interest in returning the affection I wanted to give her just made me want to go to sleep for a little bit longer. It happens with a few things, like when I eat squash or see anything related to Grue and his Minions, but both of those things involve evil and yellow, so I don’t know why Luna not wanting to touch me evidently bothered me. Celestia was right when she said that the body was more honest than the mind, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what my body was trying to tell me.

Quoth The Moon

Luna glared after Red Rum and rolled her eyes when he closed the door behind him softly. “I finally give into his request and he decides that it’s-”

“Luna, I’ll hit you if you finish that sentence.” Celestia snapped.

The Princess Of The Night raised a brow at her sister. “Someone needs a nap.”

“You realize that Red Rum probably thinks you want nothing to do with him other than what you feel is a responsibility, right? You realize that he probably feels like he’s nothing to you, right? You realize that in saying that you weren’t going to hug him back, something that was a foregone conclusion, you verbally spit in his face and said he wasn’t worth touching, right?” Celestia said fiercely.

Luna rolled her eyes. “You’re both overreacting, sister.”

“I’ll really hit you.” Celestia said, her voice rhymingly dead.

Luna glared at her. “Try me.”

“Go and try to connect to your damned familiar.” Celestia snarled. “It’s a bucking shame that I’m closer to him after a single walk than you are after how long?”

“Like thou hast not always been more sociable than I.” Luna retorted hotly in turn. “Thou believeth that mine relationship with Red Rum lies solely within my grasp, yet thou ignoreth his quirks and oddities as though they be commonplace! If thou dost not find agreeance with mine treatment of Red Rum, then thou can verily shove it into thine flank with barbs and blisters abound, for I’ve lost what little patience I have.”

Celestia shook her head at her sister. “Luna, he loves you.”

“Which ist thine own fault.” Luna growled.

“You don’t think I don’t know about your cutting?” Celestia said coldly.

Luna’s breath froze in her lungs. “... How?”

“I’ve known you for four thousand years. Your glamours are transparent to me.”

“... Celestia, I-”

“I wanted to give you a Familiar to fill your heart with a little more love. I know you’re not going to stop because of anything I say here, but I was hoping that having a soul under your care would…” The elder sister sighed, her concern and vexation audible in the exhalation. “Luna, you need help, and so does Red Rum. You know that I love you with the whole of my being, and I know that Red Rum will come to love you just as well if you let him. This is why I’m upset. You’re pushing away an injured soul that needs you, pushing away a chance to do a little more healing that my love can’t help you with.” Celestia looked her sister in the eye with a little smile, bitter tears falling from her eyes as she spoke.

Luna closed off her body language, shame, self-loathing and unease riddling her features. “... Where my willpower was stronger than yours, your wisdom has always been deeper than mine. I ask for your advice in this.” She pleaded softly.

“Go to Red Rum. Ask him about the blackbird and the bluebird.”

“... As you say, it will be… Celestia, I-”

“I don’t understand why you do it, but I want you to stop, Luna. Please help me understand where this pain is coming from.” The Solar Diarch said kindly.

“... It started on the Moon… I-” Luna flinched violently. “... I’m going to go talk to Red Rum now.”

Celestia nodded. “When your heart is ready, my mind will be open. You know you can always come to me.”

“I know. I love you, sister.”

“I love you too, Luna. I love you more than you know.”

They traded minute smiles, finding comfort in the familiar exchange even though all was not well. The meal commenced and they both ate with the all the vigor they could scrounge up, but dead dormice with broken backs had shown more enthusiasm for a second chance at a cheese-laden trap. It didn’t matter much since both of them had forced themselves to eat with heavier hearts than what they bore at the moment, but neither of them was comfortable with the mood of the room.

After a rather quick meal, Celestia alighted to court to let Luna’s steward know that he was to manage business for a few hours while Luna took her time in getting to Red Rum’s room, though when she got there, her Familiar was nowhere to be found. Instead of waiting for him to show up, Luna just Summoned him into the room and watched as he retched when he appeared. He shook violently for a few seconds as the Summons wore off, which was to be expected. Luna didn’t doubt that Red Rum had rejected the Summons in favor of being difficult, but at least it hadn’t actually hurt him.

“Red Rum.” Luna said quietly.

He shook his head and clapped his cheeks. “Fuck, that sucked. Was that your fault?”

“It was. A Summons is easier than teleportation, and it allows you to know who is requesting your presence. I apologize for your discomfort.”

“Do you actually mean that?” Red Rum asked.

Luna frowned since she still couldn’t grasp the minute inflections in his voice that were present when he wasn’t putting on a facade. His monotone was indecipherable, and unlike Celestia, Luna had few empathetic tendencies that would have given her any hints. “I do. Red Rum, were you hurt by my words earlier? Please be honest with me.”

“... My heart ached a little, but it’s not like I was offended or anything. You’ve already made it pretty clear that physical affection isn’t your thing.”

Luna walked over to his bed and had a seat. “It’s not my forte, but I’m not as opposed to it as you might think. What you do not understand is that your paws remind me very much of a Wendigo’s, as does much of your appearance.”

“And you don’t like Wendigoes. I get it.” He nodded.

Luna sighed. “Red Rum, were you aware of the fact that Celestia has tampered with your emotions? It was nothing personal, but when she tricked me into getting a Familiar, she input a command into the Familiar Cube that would require said Familiar to love me.”

“Is that why I want to hug you so bad? I thought it was just because you look like a giant plushie.” Red Rum said, his voice still flat.

“It may have more to do with our current relationship than we might know.” Luna said factually. “Both of us are going to have to be flexible in this, as little as I would like that to be the case, so make your demands.”

Red Rum came to sit beside Luna and offered her his hand. “Let me see your hoof for a moment.”

She gave him a questioning look. “By no means is a hoof soft outside of the youngest of foals.”

“Should I say please?”

“I will barely feel your paws.” She said, giving him her hoof.

He held it and looked at it, brushing his thumb across the joint between fetlocks and keratin. “Your hooves aren’t like a Pony from my world. Your frogs aren’t as obvious and they frankly look nothing alike.”

“What does that matter?” Luna asked.

“Does it bother you that I’m touching you right now?”

“I can barely feel it, so no.”

“Let me shake your hoof instead of giving you a hug.” Red Rum requested.

“... Would that satisfy your desire for furship?” Luna asked, confused.

“No, but this is where we can meet in the middle for now. If you can get used to me touching your hoof, then maybe you can get used to my hands in general.”

She saw the reason in that, though it made her uneasy to think about being touched in the future. “I suppose it will be something to grow used to, as you’ve said. Is there anything else you want from me?”

“I just want to hug you.” He said plainly.

“I would like for you to do as I say, but I doubt that will happen.” Luna said drily.

“If you asked instead of ordered, I’d probably do whatever it was. If you’d asked me to open the door at breakfast, I would’ve. Hooves don’t open doors as well as hands.”

Luna looked at her Familiar with an intense gaze. “What lengths would you go to earn my approval?”

“I don’t give a shit about your approval.” He answered flawlessly. There wasn’t a single buck in his voice, his composure, or his presence.

Luna blinked. “What do you care about? And please do not lie to me again."

“... I’d say the same thing I said earlier to fuck with you, but I just want to hug you.” He confessed.

“... Would you live for me if I gave you a hug? Would you promise to stay your hand when you feel your life is worth nothing if I were to do that one thing?”

“Why do you think one little thing would make my life worth living?” Red Rum asked, his voice laced with irritation. It was the most genuine emotion she’d heard from him yet.

“... My sister makes my life worth living. Perhaps you would come to think of me as a sister.” Luna said softly, opening up slightly.

“I don’t want another sister.” Red Rum snapped loudly. “Leave.”

The Lunar Diarch heard years of pain in his voice. “Red-”

Red Rum seized Luna’s muzzle and bore his teeth at her, which she didn’t find amusing. He couldn’t hurt her due to the Familiar Contract that he’d had no choice in, but Luna deigned it worthy of her time to listen to what he had to say rather than putting him in his place. “I don’t need one, I don’t want one. End of story.”

Luna removed Red Rum’s hand with magic and levelled a calm, stern look at him. “I will break your hand if you dare try that again. Do not spit on my kindness, Red Rum.”

She saw little more than contempt and pain in his eyes, though the tears he shed were something she couldn't understand. “Leave.”

“Tell me about your sister.”

“Kill yourself and bury your bones in fire.” He spat. “That whore’s story ain’t got a place in my mouth.”

Luna nodded. “Then I will enter your mind.”

Red Rum opened his mouth to object, but Luna froze him and touched the side of her horn to his forehead and let her magic trickle into his mind. A story that Luna had no business witnessing, a betrayal as painful as the one she’d committed against her sister so many years ago, flowed into her mind and Red Rum’s heart broke all over again as memories he’d done his damnedest to bury were dredged up into the forefront of his mind. Luna saw as he grew up with so much love in his heart, so much trust, and saw the moment in which it was ripped away from him. She saw the moment that cracked his fragile psyche in the first place as the woman his brother had dated since Red Rum was old enough to remember shot and disemboweled her ‘lover’ in front of the younger man.

Luna pulled out of Red Rum’s mind and she… She didn’t know what to do. Red Rum had collapsed in on himself metaphorically as his mind rejected the memories, breaking down what he’d spent so long building up. She’d casually torn him apart and had no idea how to put him back together, so she sent a telepathic message to Celestia in abject panic while Red Rum curled up and wailed for Robert to come back to him, to be there for him again. All the Princess knew to do was to hold him, so she swallowed her disgust, beat back her aversion, and wrapped her legs around her Familiar.

Author's Note

Another Chapter down, some more laughs to be had. Let me know what you think in the comments; otherwise I can't improve the story. Shit bothers me when people leave a like or dislike and don't give feedback, but it's not like it's the end of the world.

Feelsy bullshit ahead -->You can crack emptiness. You can bury the pain and you can ignore it, but you don't get rid of it until you deal with it. Learned that the hard way. STill learning that lesson, to be honest. I didn't intend for this chapter to get emotional in any manner of speaking. I fully intended on making this story a dark-humor bonanza when I started, but that's not the writer I am. It's easier for me to write for Remmy when I put my heart behind it instead of my jokes, and it's far more therapeutic to get some of my own ache into words instead of struggling to open up verbally. It's far easier for me to write my feelings out, even if I haven't experienced anything like what my characters have, than for me to spit out what's on my heart, even to people I trust with my life. Being grandiloquent and having a decent lexicon only serves one when they can use it, after all.

If it's not obvious, and if you really just need someone to say it, then get help if you feel anything like Remmy does. Even if your family hates you, or your friends are fake as fuck, I promise you that there is a soul that gives multiple fucks about whether or not you care to see another day. All you have to do is reach out. Go to your local hospital and just spit it out, and you will get help. I've had to reach out multiple times, see a psyche, and here recently I've been mandated to get a therapist, so believe me when I say that someone wants you alive. If you're afraid to reach out in person, I'll gladly lend an ear or an eye. Just voicing how you feel can help, even if you don't want to go into detail.