QTW: Patchwork People

Quoth The Wendigo

I’ve always hated edgelords. Grimdark-ass little kids in their early to mid-teens who really don’t know shit about having their brother’s brains fly into their screaming mouths. I doubt many of them were the one of the first ones on the scene when their parents were flung out of their old two-door Ford and into a barbed wire fence. I highly doubt many of them have earned the battle-scars they claim in their online personas, and there’s no chance in Hell that any of them that post pictures of their ‘weapons’ online could actually use the cheap pieces of four-forty shitness. No, I’ve never had respect for Beta-Male Incels because pain and suffering is their name and their game, but they don’t. Know. It’s like going to rehab for drinking too much Sprite. There’s no caffeine in Sprite. Everyone in that facility is going to ride the Sprite addict, which is why edgelords, who don’t deserve a capitalization, suck ass.

This is all build up for a monumental amount of bitching, which is what Celestia asked for in this shitty journal bullshit, so that’s what you’re gonna get you fuckin’ dirty little whore. Yeah, I’m gonna fill you up with my thick, black ink until you’re bursting with words. Slutty ass book.

Anyway, I’m mentioning edgelords and shit because it took me, according to Fluttershy, like, five solid days to stop crying, and even then I twitched at the slightest shadow to the point where we had every curtain in the room drawn at all times so passing Pegasi wouldn’t freak me the fuck out. I felt like I had to keep my eyes open so nothing would sneak up on me, but the longer I kept my eyes open, the more tired I got. As I grew more and more tired, my eyes would naturally close and I’d doze off and fucking BAM!! Robert’s face painted mine. Rinse and repeat a few times with the image of Mom and her death rattles, or Dad’s last words before he breathed his last breath, or…

God… This was a lot easier when I was repressing these memories. I don’t want to write about it. I don’t want to talk about it. I told Celestia yesterday exactly how I felt: I just want to die, and now there’s nothing else in my heart other than that. A small part of me still wanted to leave a pretty corpse, but that illogical reasoning was being beaten back consistently with the powerful attraction of not having to worry about it anymore. As novel as Fluttershy’s softness was, I just didn’t care. I wanted her to leave me alone more than anything in the world, but that utterly base fear of being alone just…

Luna left me so, so very… Vulnerable, is an adequate. I suppose I still had the physical capacity to do whatever it was I wanted to get done, but I was already dehydrated by the second day of non-stop sobbing and there wasn’t much consuming of anything going on. I just… At least when I was empty there were things that tickled me. Things that reminded me of good feelings that made it less of a struggle to smile. The Ponies, for one. They were so cute a few days ago, but now…? Well, they’re still fucking adorable, but I don’t want to spend all day petting one anymore… Other than the cunt who tore me apart in the first place.

It’s sick… The… Hatred is what I felt for Katrina. For years I hated that woman for stabbing my brother in the back and taking the only person who actually wanted to look after me away. That hate got buried pretty damn deep, but I remember it now. I feel it all over again, but that’s not the gift Luna gave me. She… I was crazy before. I’ve done a lot of crazy shit. Something inside of me is so broken right now that I can feel it inside of my chest and it burns. Every breath I take is like having a datura seed that was coated in it’s own juices crammed into a cavity right next to my heart that’s supposed to be the size of an Altoid.

I’ve never used ‘yearn’ in a sentence, but I yearn for Luna’s complete and utter obliteration. I want her downfall to be recorded in the annals as the bloodiest, most unnecessarily inhumane, sickest shit that has ever gone down on this God-for-fucking-saken planet. Nothing would satisfy me more than to see her celibacy broken in front of her subjects at the hands of whoever the fuck she despises most. Anything. Any. Little. Mishap. In any way the Universe would strike against her for what she did, I. Will. Revel.

And then I’ll probably spend the next week trying to kill myself so I can comfort her and tell her that it’s all okay in the fuck mothering afterlife… God… Good fucking God… I’ve been awake for the last two or three days, but I just haven’t really done or said anything other than try to make my bawling fucking bitchass bitchmade bitchboi eyebitches to stop streaming bitchy little drops of pure bitch.

Quoth The Moon

Luna rose from her bed, the same dull ache in her hooves present as it had been the day before. The deeper cuts in her forelegs reopened as she tried to stretch the strain of stress and tightness of emotional turmoil out of her muscles. Her efforts to help Red Rum had done little to assist either of them in any way, shape, form, or fashion as of yet, but in her heart, she still knew that she’d made the right choice in unlocking her Familiar’s emotions. While her success should have brought her at least some portion of happiness, Luna found that there just wasn’t enough air in the room for an Alicorn. The feeling of near suffocation was persistent and a little disorienting, but she’d fought her way through too many mind-rending spells to let a little discomfort deter her from doing her duties.

Still, heavy hooves trode the well-beaten path to the Dining Hall with considerably less enthusiasm then Luna had thought possible, even while truly realizing the depth of the pain Red Rum inflicted in the flank, and not the good kind of pain that hurts just right with every step. No, he was more like a Ponicillin shot after a nasty Tersetus Infection: He went in one cheek and hurt both during entry and removal, but neither more so than when he was just in there, spewing his utter nonsense. However, Luna missed the sound of his monotone voice. She missed how he always had something to say, and she was almost coming to miss the way his ‘hands’ felt in her mane, though he could keep them to himself as far as anything below the neck was concerned.

And yet she had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to spit in her face the second he saw her. She’d left him the most traditional, most disrespectful way of letting someone know that they were sick of one’s shit as a way for him to express his discontent, though she wouldn’t be surprised if he just didn’t talk to her. It was just a matter of time, though. It was all just a matter of time before Red Rum’s stubbornness gave way to forgiveness, though Luna hated that she’d had to play so dirty to assure the future safety of her Familiar. No one ever likes to stoop if they have half decent morals, and the Princess of the Night liked to think that she still had some morals that were unshakable.

Hoofily ignoring all passing staff members and guards, Luna made her way and entered the Dining Hall without a word having been spoken by or to her since she’d woken up. While she despised that her guards had probably heard her cry herself to sleep over the fact that Red Rum was taking longer to pull out of his rock-bottom state than he should’ve been, the slightest hope rose up in her when she saw that her victim was already staring at her when she opened the door with Magic. He wasn’t glaring, glowering, leering, sneering, or showing any outward signs of aggression toward her. His breathing seemed perfectly normal: not too fast, not too slow, and not too even. There wasn’t even a trace of emotion in his eyes.

Just…

Empty.

Luna’s jaw dropped slightly, hanging open as her hindquarters sagged to the floor. Blinking was a thing of the past while the Co-Ruler considered what the buck she was looking at. “... R-Red Rum?”

He stared.

“U-Um… Y-Y-Your Majesty?” Fluttershy interrupted softly.

Numb, Luna turned to the tiny yellow Mare and nodded twice.

“H-He… He hasn’t said anything… Not for a long time.”

The significantly larger, generally more attractive Alicorn turned back to her familiar. “I…”

The Pegasus looked at Red Rum and his ‘Mistress’ respectively. “P-Pr-Princess?” Luna picked herself up and plodded over to the Human as Fluttershy asked, “Wh-What are you doing?”

Luna sat in the second closest seat to Remmy, watching carefully as he turned to keep his eyes on her. “R-Remmy?”

He stared.

Hesitant to go anywhere near his mind again, Luna grit her teeth harder than her dentist recommended, which is why she’s gone through three grind-guards in the last year, but that’s not the focus here. “... Remmy… Are you even in there anymore?” She asked softly, her heart severing arteries just so it could reach past her larynx and box with her tonsils.

He stared.

Dinner was already in progress due to Luna’s tardiness in getting out of bed and her choice to physically walk to the Dining Hall, but nothing on the table looked good to the Mare. Every entree, every little piece of fruit, loaf of bread, vegetable, and herb looked like it may as well have been one of the memories that had backlashed and ran rampant through her mind when she’d attempted to ‘fix’ Red Rum. Between looking at a stranger’s mangled corpse dangling over a soup ladle and the jelly with an eye in it, Luna’s appetite was well and truly gone, and everyone in the room knew the only person she had to blame was herself.

Guilt branded itself into her expression every time Luna cast a glance at Remmy to the point where Fluttershy, of all ponies, had to say something. “P-Princess Luna? C-Can I talk to you for a moment?” She looked away the second she had Luna’s attention. “I-In p-pr-pr-”

“Yes.” Luna replied, her voice gravelly and tired.

Both of them rose from their chairs and Luna lead the way out, which would have been a mistake if Fluttershy was a violent kind of Pony, though those are few and far between in Equestria anyway. She did, however, have a helluva knack for nagging. “Princess Luna, do you think you’re helping right now?” Fluttershy asked sternly.

If Luna was looking at her, the Stare might’ve worked. Instead, Luna was looking back toward the Dining Hall, shuffling her throbbing hooves. “Can you say for certain that I am hurting?”

“It’s a buckin’ good guess!” Flutters shouted near the top of her lungs, almost reaching regular conversation volume in a decently filled restaurant.

“Mind your language.” She replied absent-mindedly.

For one, being half Luna’s size while sopping wet with bricks in her saddlebags did Flutters no favours. For two,while Luna liked and respected Fluttershy, she was dealing with the fact that she’d possibly caused a complete Ego Death that her familiar wasn’t recovering from properly. Still, one would have to give the gal an ‘A’ for Effort. “Oooh! Princess, I know you’re sorry, but this is a lot worse than any-thing I can think of! I don’t know how you broke his brain, but you said it’s your fault! Should you, of all ponies, really be around right now!?” Fluttershy asked, her concern and compassion for the husk of a man in the other room pummeling her shyness into submission with hugs, kisses, and sweet gumdrops.

“There has to be another way…” Luna murmured more to herself than to anyone else.

“Oh no. No. No! Celestiaaa!!” Fluttershy skittered off as fast as she could while Luna followed at a far more sedate pace, trying to hatch some kind of scheme that she could employ to return Remmy back to his strange, oddly amusing self.

Upon arrival in the Dining Hall, she was shocked to see that her Familiar was gone while Celestia and Fluttershy were both glaring at her with a vengeance. “... I assure you, I-”

“Touch him and I swear to Solaire, Luna…” Celestia seethed.

“Haven’t you done enough!?” Fluttershy cried, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

It wasn’t what Luna wanted to hear. It wasn’t something she thought she needed to hear, and thus took their words as many people would’ve when they’ve reached a certain level of desperation.

She took it to heart.

Quoth The Sun

Celestia knew that they’d made the right choice, but had gone about it in a bad way when Luna teleported out of the Dining Hall without having eaten a thing. Fluttershy had been able to coax an orange and a lemon into Red Rum (Who knew Wendigoes liked citrus?), but he only ate a few slices of each before arranging them in an odd pattern that had no repetition to it at all. The most they’d gotten him to say in forty hours had been ‘Hm.’, which was monosyllabic and barely even counts as a word in the Equish dictionary, so Celestia and Fluttershy had agreed to set the bar a little higher.

However, the moment Celestia opened her mouth to say something to Fluttershy shortly after Luna’s abrupt departure, Red Rum sang, ”RRRRAAAAAAAA!!” as sweetly as he could.

That is to say, Fluttershy squealed like a filly less than a quarter her age on top of nearly wetting herself while Celestia caught sight of Red Rum grasping his head as he lost his fucking mind. At a canter fit for a Mare who spends her spare time trying to figure out how to streamline every process she can, Celestia crossed the room in a heartbeat and skidded to a stop next to Remmy, worried that the screaming was going to start again. As with most insane people, one could generally tell if they were going to snap by looking into their eyes, and what Celestia saw in Red Rum’s eyes when he opened them after nearly ten minutes of silence surprised her more than seeing that he was soon to be in the process of doing it again.

He was surprised.

“The fuck.” He mumbled.

“... Remmy?” Celestia asked tenderly, ruffling her wing against him. “How are you feeling?”

The Human gave her a funny look. “Damn, this is some good shit. DMT?”

“Dee em tee?” Celestia repeated slowly, giving Remmy an odd look as he stroked her neck.

His mouth opened and his brows raised, which appeared to mean that he was smiling. “Holy shit, you’re so soft! What are you, like, the Goddess of Whorses or something? You’re friggin’ adorable!” A hug soon followed as ‘Remmy’ giggled.

Celestia turned to look at Fluttershy like she was the multi-millennia old being. Fluttershy shrugged because she was even more lost and the Princess cleared her throat. “Um… Remmy? Are you feeling okay, Dear?”

For some odd reason, he started looking around, eyes wide as he took in the somewhat simplistic elegance of the Dining Hall. “Shit, I’m feelin’ fine, Unisi. Pegacorn. Look, I dunno if you’re actually a person or something, but I’m super fucked up right now.” He chuckled.

“Pr-Princess? Wh-What does that mean?”

‘Remmy’ turned and gave his attention to Fluttershy, who’d escaped noticed until that point. His mouth hung agape once more and his words slurred together as he said them. “Ohmyfuckin’gawd-she’ssocute!” Without warning, he took off toward Fluttershy at a light jog, kneeling down to be exactly at eye level with her. A big smile adorned ‘Remmy’s’ face as he poked her breast. “And you’re so soft! Awww yeessh, this is gonna be the best trip ever!”

“... Remmy, y-you’re scaring me.” Fluttershy started to back away.

He raised his hands slowly, opening his mouth for a moment before looking behind him. There was barrel, and that barrel was white, belonging to a Mare taller than the Human when he stood. Of course it was Celestia, so he pointed up at her and over at Fluttershy in turn. “Wait, my name’s Anon. Why do you keep calling me ‘Remmy’?”

“I knew you were using a fake name, but substituting it for another is beneath you, and frankly so is acting.” Celestia said frostily, leaning down to make sure that retribution was clearly marked on the path ahead. If Remmy’s game continued, then she was sure that she could find a suitable, ponane punishment for him.

Anon met Celestia’s gaze with fear in his eyes, but it wasn’t because he’d been caught. He ran a finger across the inside of his cheek and saw blood from where he’d pierced flesh. Swallowing hard, he asked in the most careful of voices. “This isn’t DMT, is it?”

Her gaze softened as she realized what was going through Anon’s mind. “You think you’re high on some kind of drug right now, don’t you?”

“I mean, DMT, but yeah.” He admitted. “It’s kinda the super hallucinogen, so I’m gonna need like forty to fifty minutes before I believe a Goddamn word that comes out of your adorable, huggable self.” He blinked. “Oh yeah, um… Sorry for getting handsy back there if you actually… Y’know… Happen to be real?” His shrug couldn’t have been much more awkward, but at least his apologetic smile was genuine.

Celestia looked to Fluttershy again and shook her head, taking the lead. “... Anon, was it?”

“Yeah, Anonymous.”

“Anonymous? That’s nicer than Anon.” She complimented carefully.

Anon gave her an odd look. “It’s also four syllables long and my middle name’s even dumber.”

“You have three names?”

“Anonymous Anonymity Anonymoneymous.”

“... That’s a mouthful.”

“Yeah… So… I don’t feel a body high, so we’re just going to assume that I’m insane at this point. Gonna go ahead and call it.” He nodded.

Celestia raised a hoof and bonked him softly. “Did that feel real?”

“Fucking yes. Even if you’re a hallucination, you’re wearing a metal shoe! Have some consideration, magic talking whorse!”

Fluttershy gasped. “A-Anon!”

“Yeah, Buttercup?” He replied easily.

“Y-You can’t call the Princess a whorse!”

Anon looked at Celestia. “If you’re not a magic horse, then are you an overgrown pony?”

“Ah, I forgot about your world’s versions of Ponies and the different meaning behind ‘whorse’. It’s a slur here, for the record.”

“Shit. My bad.”

“You’re fine. A mistake made in ignorance is not one to be taken to heart.”

“But are you promiscuous?”

“Pfft.” Celestia brayed, rolling her eyes. “Some Mares run a country, you know. That tends to leave little time for promiscuity.”

Anon pointed at Fluttershy. “Does she help you run the country of Ponies?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes. She’s helped on numerous occasions.”

“Ah, that’s pretty cool, then. Are there ponies that are fluffier than you two out there?”

“Of course.”

“Sweet! Man, I can’t wait to meet one. You two are pretty great, but I’m looking for someone in red or blue, y’know?”

Celestia blinked slowly. “... Does the name Luna mean anything to you?”

“It’s a cute name.”

“And that’s all?”

“Pretty much. It’d be a cute name for a little girl or a Princess.”

“It’s funny you should mention that!” Celestia said, already putting together pieces of a plot. “What do you say I escort you to the Court Hall after you have a snack so you can meet the biggest, bluest, most in-need-of-a-hug pony in the whole castle?”

“Is she an alien?”

“Who said it was a Mare?”

“Well, I haven’t seen a guy yet, so I kinda assumed that I was on a planet of female equines. Y’know. Because drugs.”

Celestia bonked him even softer this time. “This is not a hallucination-”

“You see, when you say that, it makes me want a hug because that means that I’m not on my planet anymore, and that also means that I just lost my fucking job, which was a good job. It’s hard to get in at the DMV, dammit!”

The Princess gave him a sad, confused look. “Rem- Or rather, Anon; You’ve been in Equestria for close to a week now. You were quite intent on harming yourself when you arrived.”

Anon gave her a look. “As long as I don’t die ugly, I guess. I’d rather leave a pretty cadaver, if you get the sentiment at all.”

“I do not, but I’d like to know if you’re still intending on ending your own life.”

“Tch, there’s no real reason for me to actively go at it right now other than the fact that I’m probably going to start missing my fiance soon. Even then, I’d rather go out with a bang, and you guys don’t have fingers.”

“Exactly, so enjoy the life you have.” Celestia nuzzled him and he reached up to fondle her ears, eliciting a noise of approval from her. “Oh, that’s rather pleasant.”

Anon rubbed the base of her ear and earned a kinder nicker for his efforts. “For a sentient creature, your fur sure is soft.”

“What does Philapathy have anything to do with anything?”

“I dunno, I just didn’t think things that could talk were supposed to be as soft and cute as a Unicorn and a little Pegasus.”

“Thank you, but I’m an Alicorn and we sapient creatures cover the planet in all shapes and sizes, you know.”

“Pfft. If this isn’t all one vivid-ass trip, then I’ll suck your pointy-ass horn down to the base.”

Celestia’s cheeks pinkened considerably as Fluttershy gave up on consciousness and fainted at the level of pure treason Anon had just committed. “... I beg your pardon?”

“Deep throatin’, baby.” The Human replied sexfully, like he was ready to do sex at the drop of a pube.

“I can always hit you harder.” Celestia deadpanned, her face nearly completely red.

Anon licked his lips and ran a hand down her jugular groove before trailing a finger back up the same way it had come down, this time without its friends. “A little slap just makes the tickle that much nicer~”

Her blush spread down her neck at what would have been an alarming rate should anypony other than Anon been in the room. “As cute as your advances are,” He rose, but not to his full height, settling on one knee so he could press his ear against Celestia’s breast, “they’ll get you nowhere very quickly. Nowhere also happens to be under the castle in a cell for a day, so mind your manners.”

“Sure.” He replied, his voice muted in some form of admiration or awe. The Princess had heard the tone often enough from her subjects during pretty much anything she did, but not even the select lovers she’d taken had ever mentioned anything about her heartbeat.

“Anon? Is there a reason you’re listening to my heart?”

“... It sounds familiar.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he carefully placed his hands on Celestia’s shoulders, almost as if he was trying to get as close as he could to the noisiest of her vital organs.

“You might’ve heard it before in the last few days. You’ve been in need of comfort, though I see you’re feeling better.”

“Mhm.”

…

A minute passed without Anon moving so much as an inch, and Fluttershy was stirring from where she’d gracefully passed the buck out. Without anything to do at the moment, Celestia chose to see what Anon was up to, but she couldn’t actually see much since Pony. Big Pony, but still Pony. However, Pony have Magic so Pony use Magic, and with her Scrying Spell, Celestia was able to see that Anon had his eyes closed with a peaceful, contented smile on his face that warmed her heart to see. After so many days of pointless turmoil, it was a kiss to her ‘Warm and Fuzzy’ glands that filled her with the sensation tenfold, which is why she generally makes a point of being nice.

Fluttershy awoke completely and Celestia sent her off with a telepathic message, instructing her to go to bed so the elder Mare could take care of business with their newly less-depressed. It wasn’t as if Celestia wanted all the credit; no, that wasn’t it at all. She’d seen the tiredness and the confusion in Fluttershy’s eyes and figured it was just better to send her off rather than have her ruin a peaceful moment.

Quoth The Wendigo

Celestia wants me to write so I guess I’ll write. No real reason not to, and plus I get to snuggle some more if I hurry the fuck up and make it decent, so here goes nothing, right?

So I don’t want to cover what happened when I first lost my memories because a man has his fucking pride, and I’ll be damned if I go into detail about how I thought Celestia and Flutters were stuffed animals that walked and talked. I mean, they’re colorful enough to be whatever-the-fuck kinda aliens they wanna be, but my vote is for Ponies because d’awww! I mean, they are adorable, but I have the general impression that Celestia finds that more amusing than flattering while Fluttershy is pretty okay with being thought of as smile-on-sight levels of cute.

Anyway, I spent my first night cuddled up with Celestia, my head next to her breast while she acted like a giant stuffed animal that was also warm and more squish than floof. I mean, she was plenty floof, but definitely more squish, which was nice. It made for a different type of snuggle that made me feel like I was kinda cheating on my fiance, but I didn’t really give a damn since she cheats on me whenever she feels like it. I figured that a little snoozing with a woman who wasn’t actually a woman would be perfectly fine as long as I didn’t wake up from the trip dick deep in a horse.

Oh, make no mistake: even as I was physically feeling the difference in the world around me, I still just thought I was high until morning came when Celestia made me wake the fuck up so I could go and see something fucking amazing, From a dead sleep, Sunbutt gently shook me to the waking world. “Anon? It’s time to get up.”

I took a deep breath and my nose filled with the scent of vanilla cake. “Mmm, breakfast cake.”

Celestia chuckled and gently started pushing me away from her. “We can have breakfast cake if you hurry to awaken. Your new clothes should be finished today, so you can wear those instead of that dapper suit.”

I weaseled my way back in between her forelegs so I could nuzzle her for a moment before doing as she asked. After clambering off of the bed, I started stretching, thankful for having had the foresight to leave the jacket and tie on a chair nearby so I could actually be comfortable in the night. It wouldn’t have been weird at all for Celestia to be watching me if she wasn’t doing it with a little smile, but it’s not like it bothered me. Few enough things do besides the color yellow (Other than Fluttershy. Butter yellow is fine.), but I still maintain an appreciation for the finer things in life, such as warm, fuzzy Ponies that like to snuggle.

Sure, I suppose I could have freaked out about being on a different planet than my fiance, but I was pretty sure that she was going to break up with me soon anyway, so meh. Other than that, did I really have that many reasons to freak out? I mean, the food was good, the ruling Princess liked me enough for cuddles, there were plenty of cute things to pet and hug, and I even got to wash up in a tub made for a Pony the size of a horse to relax in. Granted, I had to bathe with Celestia because she didn’t want to waste time taking separate baths, which I found odd. However, I didn’t say anything until we got into the bubbly tub.

There was plenty of room for both of us, so after giving myself a bubble hat, I asked, “Doesn’t it bother you that you’ve seen my willy? I mean, don't Ponies have sheaths for ‘em?”

Celestia looked on in amusement as she watched me apply bubbles so my face. “I believe I’ve seen enough of them for the novelty to have worn off by now. May I ask why you’re playing with the bubbles?”

“Well, I gotta keep myself entertained somehow, and I doubt you want a full body hug right now. I dunno how good you’d feel while wet anyway.” I paused and stared directly at her. “Well, I think you’d prefer being wet over being dry given insertion circumstances-”

“Hush and bathe, you little deviant.” Celestia huffed playfully, knowing my words to have been an afterthought.

I washed behind my ears and stood up in the tub, the water still covering me from the navel down so I could go sit next to Celestia. Underwater, her fur was something a little odd since it felt less ‘smooth’ and more ‘slick’, like there was oil in the bath, but it was still pleasant to the touch. Of course I washed myself so I wouldn’t be Smelly McSmellerson, though I mostly just wanted to rub myself up on Celestia to get the soap lathering. She found it odd that I wanted to wash her back and she flat out refused to let me wash her wings, stating that it was supposed to be an intimate gesture above many others to Ponies. I took that in stride and still got to help her wash her mane, which was fucking. Awesome. Have you ever touched wet strands of gossamer? I swear, her mane slid between my finger like it was more effervescent than the air itself, barely tethered to her head by its roots. I wanted a lock of it for myself, but you know what they say about beauty and flowers n’ shit.

Once I rinsed my hair off and she did her mane, Celestia asked, “So, Anon. Does it not bother you to be in the bath with a female? I know some races are very modest, especially the Primeapes.”

I shrugged. “If you looked more like me, I would probably mind more, but I don’t really think of you as like, an option, you know?”

She smiled at that for some reason. “That’s reassuring to hear, as you may well know. I’d doubted that you found me attract-” I kissed her weird horsey-horse lips and pulled back. “Anon, the buck.”

“I wanted to know what it was like.” I replied, scratching my head. “Not bad. Needed more tongue.”

Celestia stared at me, her cheeks slightly pink and her expression a little more amused than it had been before. “When we go to breakfast, I want you to kiss the blue Pony for as long as she’ll let you.”

“Sure, why not? You’ll help me out if she’s mad, right?”

“Maybe.”

“Good enough.” I leaned up against her.

She gave me an odd look. “... We need to get out sometime, Anon.”

I tried to bray, making a horsey-horse noise. “Fine.” Making she she got an eyeful of my shiny tan-line having ass (My booty was made for speedos. Don’t be jealous), and I made sure to be as retarded as I could while drying off. Celestia just chuckled and got out herself, but she just used some crazy cool Magic to dry herself off rather than using a towel. Once I was dressed in some nice khakis and a maroon blazer with a white shirt underneath, we went to a strange room that had an arched ceiling and a lot of awesome marble columns. There was a Sun motif on the floor and a Moon mosaic on the ceiling, which were both magnificently made out of coloured marble and granites that shone and sparkled with the magical lights in the room. The balcony that lead outside showed that it was still dark, but when Celestia stepped into the center of the Sun circle and told me to stand back, awe was the wrong word for it.

Celestia took off her jewelry and shoes before she slowly began glowing, her white fur taking on more of a golden radiance as she levitated off of the floor, her horn and eyes glowing with a divine power that left my jaw on the floor and my bones vibrating with the sheer energy in the room. Before my very eyes, the Sun started poking out behind the horizon while great golden tendrils seemed to raise out of the land and everything that appeared to be made of natural materials. Before I knew it, I was on the balcony, watching as all of Equestria lent its strength to turning the world for yet another day, making time carry on as it should have. Far sooner than they’d appeared, the tendrils shattered and dissipated into the air, but the energy didn’t stay in the fog-like haze it formed over Canterlot. No, it started drawing itself toward the castle, toward Celestia, and while I was in its way, toward me.

Now, it was a bad idea to stand in the way of thousands upon thousands of creatures worth of Magic since I didn't have any that anyone knew of, but lo’ and behold! Dumbass O’Shitfer-Brian (I know how I spelled that) just decided to stop and stare~ I felt like moving but I went nowhere~ Yeah I knew that everyone gets scared~, but I know for sure I’m a dummy~ Or in other words, I got blasted in the face with a fuckton of raw Magic that knocked me out cold and required a fifteen minute nap to get over. Waking up to Celestia nuzzling me was nice because her nose is soft, so I just reached up and rubbed her ears for a sec.

“Hey there~” I crooned dreamily.

She snorted and kissed my forehead. “I see you’re okay. I’m taking it that you don’t have any Magic of your own.”

“Nah.” I sighed.

“Of course not. How was it, absorbing some of the Magic meant for little old me?”

“Good. It was good.” I smiled up at her before giving her a smooch on the snoot and getting up. “How long was I out?”

“Nearly twenty minutes, by my estimations, but that’s not terrible. You should be fine once the Magic starts dissipating from your system. Would you care to go to breakfast?”

I got up and re-buttoned my blazer. “Sounds good to me. What do Ponies eat for breakfast, anyway?”

“The same things we eat for dinner, but in the morning.” She answered, her voice monotone and her long face unamused.

“... Seriously?”

Celestia grinned. “No, I’m kidding. We often have typical Human breakfast foods, though I advise you stay away from the flower sausage and anything too spikey for you too eat.”

I made a face. “Well damn, there goes durian and sea urchin.”

“Both can be supplied to you if you kiss the blue Pony back to being happy.”

“On which set of lips?”

My joke went a little too far and Celestia leveled a heated glare at me. “That’s not funny.”

“Can I hug her while kiss her?”

“I encourage you to do so.” Celestia stepped into the shiny golden shoes she’d taken off during the sunrise thing and levitated her crown and necklace over to her. “Would you be so kind as to held me with my trinkets? It shouldn’t prove to be a difficult task.”

“Sure, why not?” I replied, doing as she asked. The clasp was beyond simple, being just two hooks that seemed like they wouldn’t come apart with too much ease. “I’m sure you’ve done this yourself a thousand times before though.”

“A little more than that, but yes, you’re correct. I just wanted to know if you’d be willing to help me for little to no reason other than the fact that I asked nicely.”

I nuzzled her because I knew she’d let me. “D’aww, you’re so cute when you’re being manipulative and sketchy!”

She tapped one of my shins with her hoof, which wasn’t too bad, but still kinda sucked. “I might be manipulative, but that’s only because I’m beautiful. I’m sure you’re manipulative as well with your Human women.”

With a hearty scoff, I followed as Celestia lead the way out of the room, stroking her wing with my fingertips. She turned to see what I was doing every once in awhile whenever I touched one of her wing-joints, but I still had her attention when I spoke. “I’m not bad looking, but it’s mostly my body that gets me attention. Women love a man with definition.”

“Ah, if only I didn’t know exactly how you felt. Many stallions see my sister and I as two sides of the perfect mare. Whereas she’s sleek, toned, and perfectly capable of bucking a tooth or two into next week, many stallions appreciate my curves and have trouble keeping their eyes in decent places while walking behind me. The same goes for Luna, but I catch more of my guards and hers than she does.”

“You probably hope to catch more of them. What is your necklace thing, anyway?”

Celestia blushed a little and giggled. “It’s a peytral, and I’m sure I just happen to look more often because I expect it more often. Luna doesn’t particularly care as long as ponies are doing their jobs.”

“Luna? Is she the blue Pony I’m supposed to be kissing?”

“She sure is. My sister is supposed to be rivaled only by myself and our niece in her beauty, so you could choose a worse Pony to give a little peck to by far.” She turned and winked at me, stopping before two big doors that lead outside of her bedroom and into a big waiting room. “Would you prefer to walk to breakfast, or would you like to teleport?”

“Tepelortation!” I thrust the hand I wasn’t keeping on Celestia into the air, snatching victory by the halo.

I earned an odd look for my theatrics. “You’re quite the goose amongst ducklings, you know this, right?”

“Es lo que es, mamacita. Are we doing the time warp again?”

“While you could technically say that teleporting is warping time, it would be inaccurate. I would say ‘Let’s do the space warp again.’, though I’d correct the grammar, of course.”

“Are you trying to figure out how much of your tail I can shove up your butt? Because we can test that.”

“We can test how many of your fingers we can ‘shove’ up yours, if you like.” Celestia scoffed.

“All of them, duh. Human butts can stretch given plenty of time and lube.”

“Pffft.” Celestia snorted in pure mirth. “I think that goes for all butts, Anon.”

The guards that were standing on the other side of the doors we’d walked through both choked on their own saliva when they heard their Princess talk about butts as casually as could be with a guy who was walking around in super comfy socks. Celly didn’t comment on it, so neither did I. “Oh, that’s good to hear. I heard cat butts were especially tight.”

“Are you intending on finding out?”

“Don’t cats lick their own butts? I don’t want to sound odd, but I doubt that I’d like to lick the butt of a creature that already licks its own butt.”

Celestia looked at me with a little smile and used the Sparkly Eyes Technique. “What if I told you that all Ponies lick their flanks as a part of daily hygiene?”

I heard some more choking and decided to play along. “Well, now I just regret being so free with my lips while we were in the tub. I never once saw you wash your muzzle thingy. Lips. Butteater.”

She swung her head and made me stumble. “Ponies don’t lick their butts, silly.”

I gave her an odd, doubtful look. “Right.”

Quoth The Moon

Nopony had told Luna that her heart wouldn’t stop hurting when she’d kept making mistakes. She’d always been able to take them in stride and learn from them in the past, but the aches in her forehooves where her dagger had parted fur and flesh reminded her that there was one mistake that she was having trouble moving on from. Well, there was one that she’d always had trouble moving on from, and now there was a new one. As far as she knew, Anon officially hated her beyond words and was broken beyond report, which was all her fault. On top of that, Luna had no way of knowing if she could ever fix her mistakes, so she resolved to cut a little deeper next tiem to make the pain go away.

At least if it hurt on her legs, it didn’t hurt so bad in her heart.

Trudging to the Dining Hall was easier said than done, so she just teleported and cast higher-grade illusions that she knew would actually trick Celestia if she wasn’t looking that hard. All Luna could do was hope that she’d be left alone to suffer and come out of her spiral on her own, but when she saw that Fluttershy was already in the room, she had her doubts about whether or not it would benefit her to stay in the first place. However, the remorseful look that crossed her face when their eyes met intrigued Luna enough to make the mare expend her waning energy reserves to go sit next to Fluttershy.

The younger mare had a hard time looking at Luna, but the Alicorn had no such issue with looking at her in turn. “Fluttershy.” Luna said softly.

“Eep!” Fluttershy squealed. “Pr-Princess, I-I-”

“Thank you for taking Rummy’s side yesterday. I was foolish to think that tampering with his emotions would have done him any good.” Luna confessed softly.

Fluttershy stopped flinching away from the Princess of the Night and actually looked at her for once. “O-Oh…”

“... How is he?” She asked tentatively.

“Um… Celestia said he’s doing better but…. Um… He lost some memories after you left yesterday.”

“He did what?”

“H-He-” The doors to the dining hall opened and Anon silenced Fluttershy and Luna simply by stepping into the room with Celestia, smiling and laughing.

The blue Alicorn’s jaw dropped and she numbly started walking toward the Human until he laid eyes on her. With a smile she’d never seen on his face before, he cantered over to her before grabbing her face like a mad stallion and kissing her like she’d never been kissed before because Humans didn’t exist on her planet prior to Anon. Duh. She was so stunned by the sudden change of events that she just didn’t know how to react to the Humans small, soft little lips and his odd little tongue that tasted vaguely of coffee for some odd reason. Her larger Pony tongue eventually found its way into his mouth, the natural feeling of being kissed taking Luna over for a moment as she gave into the insanity of the moment before she snapped back to reality and whacked Anon in the side for springing the unwanted intimacy on her.

“Th-Th-Thou uncouth HEATHEN!!! How dareth thou wrest our lip-locked chastity from us during a moment of weakness!?” Luna boomed, quickly turning bright red while Anon rubbed his side.

“Aww, you even sound cute.” He gave her a disarming smile.

There was a rapid splattering and the smell of blueberries filled the room. “... I’m going to trample you.” Luna oathed quietly.

Anon gave her a nice hug that Luna didn’t want, but still returned for a reason she didn’t quite understand. “Please don’t. I didn’t mean to turn you red.”

Luna let her chin rest on Anon’s shoulder and let her anger go without further impetus. “... I’m sorry, Rummy.”

“Name’s Anon, but you’re good anyway. Apparently I was a sad sack of shit before this, so silver linings and all that, right?”

“... Right.” She sniffled.

He hugged her tighter and stroked her mane. “Hey now, don’t get all teary and shit on me. I’m not good with crying girls, and you’re more like an old woman, which I’m-” Luna hit him on his other side. “Ow, but don’t cry, okay? I’m okay, you’re okay, Oklahoma’s literally O.K. it’s all okay.”

“What is an Oklahoma?” Luna asked, letting go of Anon with a little confusion since he seemed to be perfectly fine, if not still odd as all get out.

“It’s a shitty place where the wind comes sweeping down the plains with a lot of trailers en tow, but the most important question you could be asking right now is, ‘How good was that kiss, Anon? Because it was super good for me~’.” The mockery of her voice was completely unnecessary, and quite inaccurate, if either of the Celestial Sisters had anything to say about it.

Luna blushed again and gave him a flat look. “I almost liked it better when you talked less, though it is good to see you in higher spirits.”

Anon gave her another hug that she returned against her will, though she didn’t regret the action. It felt rather right, after all. “Ah, well it’s nice to see someone as blue as you. Your fur’s softer than Celestia’s, you know that?”

The sisters traded a look and Luna turned back to Anon. “... Are you sure about that?”

“I’m the one with the hands, so yeah.”

“If thou sayeth so.” She responded awkwardly. “So…”

“Goo-Ponee!” The Human stroked Luna’s mane. “Goo-Poneee!” He hugged her and peppered her cheek with little kisses. “Muh. Goo. Widdwe. Po. Nee.”

“... Holy Tartarus, he is even worse!” Luna cried piteously, prying her Familiar off of her.

“But you’re such a good Pony! You deserve the best cuddles!”

“We hath literally shattered thine frail mortal mind and bequeathed the curse of amnesia unto thee!”

“Oooh, the accent kinda sexy. Do it again!”

The Princesses traded another look and Celestia shrugged, being of absolutely no help whatsoever. “... Um… I would rather not. Does it really not bother you-”

“What was my relationship status when I originally got here?” Anon asked casually.

Luna blinked. “... You said you’d been single for a year, though you’d lacked a serious relationship for two.”

“Ah, so the cunt dumped me. Probably robbed me too.” He scratched his chin. “Job status?”

“You… were fired from the ‘Deeyem Vee’?”

“Man, fuck. Really was a good job, too. Great holidays. Mental state upon arrival?”

Luna blinked. “You called it a... sueycide attempt, I believe.”

“Pfft, if that’s the fuckin’ case, then lemme tell ya right now that I ain’t goin’ back ta that shit. No job, no girl, no family… Like, I mean, I could go on, but at what point does bitchin’ just become verbal cryin’?”

“I’m… I’m sorry that you’re going through this all over again…” She murmured remorsefully, but then there was a disturbance in the force that made her glare at Anon with the intent to both maim and maybe eviscerate a little. Nothing too bad; just enough to smart in the morning the week after. “Stop planning what you’re planning.”

Anon stepped a little closer to her. “Hi there.”

Luna walked away from him and sat at her side of the table, all of her early anguish and aches forgotten and replaced with the fires of irritation and agitation in the wake of her Familiar’s perfect performance of pestering. However, despite having just been told that everything he’d once loved was now razed to the ground worlds away, he was taking it surprisingly well, even going so far as to try and start a food-fight with Celestia while snacking. With a casual spell while everypony else was distracted, Luna healed her self-inflicted wounds and kept an eye on Anon while he seemed to make light of every little thing and kept the smiles flowing until Fluttershy decided to announce that she was heading back to Ponyville since it didn’t seem like Anon needed her anymore.

Anon must have noticed Luna’s gaze on him at some point, but he didn’t seem to care that the blue Mare was gently smiling at him whenever she thought he wouldn’t notice, but she did catch her sister looking at her oddly during one of the times Luna’s smile had grown to reach her eyes. She didn’t like the look the Solar Princess was giving her, but then again, she wasn’t fond of the silly looks Anon kept giving her or how her mind kept drifting back to the odd kiss that had left her more confused than anything. It hadn’t been unpleasant, per se, but it had been strange nonetheless. Her train of thought drifted toward a nice nap once ‘breakfast’ was over, but when Anon started to follow her rather than Celestia, both sisters were confused.

Luna gave Anon an odd look as he walked behind her rather than Celestia, though her sister was the one to comment on it first. “Anon? Are you coming?”

He pointed at the Princess he was magically bonded to with one of his hoofy little fingers. “She looks like she needs cuddles.”

Celestia giggled at that while the younger sister’s cheeks pinkened slightly. “I do not require ‘cuddles’.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Lulu.” Her older sister teased. “You could certainly use a hug or two for the night.”

Anon crept closer to Luna, but she was watching him the entire time. “... Please avoid hopping onto my back. It makes me very uncomfortable.”

Out of nowhere, he rushed his Mistress and she tried to get away from him, but Pony hooves aren’t as dextrous or nimble as Human feet, so Luna got hugged and earned even more kisses. “It’s hard to say no when you ask so nicely. I won’t ride you unless you ride me, okay?”

She tried to give him a look, with extra emphasis on tried. Unfortunately, her Familiar had seemed to gravitate to her left side, his actions necessitating admonishment. “Anon, if you do not stop kissing me, I will tie you to a chair.”

He paused long enough to ask, “Will it be a comfy chair?”

“The more kisses you give me the less comfortable it will be.”

He sighed and settled for licking her horn, which sent a thrilling trill of pleasure down her spine and earned him a swift kick to the shin. Hopping up and down on one leg, Anon shout “Ow! That’s how Humans show affection! What’s wrong with you!? Who doesn’t like hugs and kisses!?”

Luna turned so she could give him a real look. “I can cast a spell and make it feel better if it is really bothering you.”

The Human made a strange gesture toward her with one of his fingers. “Come bite my thumb, I hope ye’ know the stakes! I’ll put a slug between your shoulder-blades,and ask through what window yonder poser breaks!”

“... What?”

Celestia coughed. “Was that flyting?”

Anon blinked in surprise. “Why, in a manner of speaking, yes. Yes it was.”

“Keep your slugs to yourself.” Luna shivered.

“I concur.” Her older sister agreed in the blink of an eye.

The male Human pouted and walked a circle around Luna, poking her from time to time as he orbited her. “I’ll keep my slugs to myself as long as I get some cuddles. You guys are soft.”

“Neither of us are male.” The blue Princess huffed.

“You ladies are soft.” Anon amended.

“Better.” She sniffed haughtily. “Good morning, sister, and may your day be fair.”

“Good morning, Luna, and may you sleep well.” Celestia replied amusedly.

“Ooh, if you’re having trouble falling asleep, I could always make you my Auntie’s Sleepy-Time tincture. I mean, you might be kinda drunk for a little while-” Luna started walking away from him. “I mean, that’s not rude or anything.”

She swished her tail a little out of annoyance. “Please endeavor to follow me, Anon. Your quoth ‘cuddles’ await.”

“Are you actually going to let me sleep in your bed?”

Luna’s face turned a rosy red and she cleared her throat. “... Your presence may be more welcome if you were a little less annoying in general.”

Celestia was about to chastise her sister, but then Anon said, “Celestia said you needed cheering up and I’m just trying to help, to be honest with you. If I can make you feel better, just let me know, okay?”

…

They both stared at him in silence.

“... I shattered your mind.” Luna said slowly. “I effectively mind-raped you to bend you to my will. How do you want to help me?”

He jerked his thick, odd digit toward Celestia. “She’s nice enough to help me, and you’re nice enough to try and be as patient as you can, despite being pissed about half the shit I’ve done so far. I probably deserved getting mind-raped, in all honesty. Vanessa always did manage to keep me from being a menace, but if she’s not around, I tend to get a little out there.”

“Sueycide attempts also included.” She replied softly. “Anon, I-”

“I’ll pull your tail and show Celestia your stuff if you don’t hush.”

“I/She have/has already seen it.” Luna and Celestia chorused.

“She is my sister. We have lived together for thousands of years.” The blue Princess droned.

The white one nodded. “Go back to sleep, Anon. You’re intoxicated by our beauty.”

“More like intoxicated by the booty, but whatevs.” He shrugged. “Is there any way that I’m going to figure out what a normal kiss with a Pony is like? Not that kissing Lulu wasn’t fun,” Anon winked at her and she rolled her eyes, blushing, “but consent always makes things a lot, lot more fun.”

Luna held her tongue while Celestia said, “Well, I happen to have a friend with rather exotic tastes. I could introduce the two of you, if you’re terribly interested, that is.”

Anon smiled slightly, but Luna recognized it as one of masked distaste. “I’m too monogamous to just go around smooching whoever. It’ll have to be someone worthy of bearing my beautiful, superior Human lips.”

“Psh. You are full of compost and refuse.” Luna said, slightly entertained by Anon’s silliness.

He gave her a wink and a smile. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll just stick to smooching you? You are a pretty shade of blue, after all.”

Luna’s faint smile dropped and she sputtered out, “I-I-Er- W-W-We are perfectly aware of our coat, thanketh thee.”

The human gave her a cutesy little smile, making her look over to her sister who said, “You never could take a good compliment. Why don’t you two go to bed and think of a few more to share between the sheets~?”

The Princess of the Night cast a quick and dirty Muteness Spell that hit her sister dead in the face. “Speak no evil, Celestia. You’d do well to remember that.”

The Solar Diarch just rolled her eyes and started working on the counter-spell while Luna lead Anon out of the Dining Hall and down some corridors that neither of them really paid much attention to. Luna was quite happy to find that Anon was quieter when Celestia wasn’t around, which made her ask him some questions and tell him some things about her in turn that neither of them had shared prior to Luna causing his latest psychotic break. While the Human learned that the Princess was fond of many bittersweet things, such as pyrrhic victories and dark chocolate, he was surprised to find that she liked to sleep with a little stuffed husky puppy. Anon was not allowed to touch Constable Cuddle-Cub, but Luna did allow him to rest his head on her barrel when they prepared for bed.

Once the magical lights were out and Luna was trying to focus on getting some rest, Anon started singing softly, thought the tune wasn’t one she’d ever heard before.

“Life is a gem~

The colors shine and yet they swim~

Never thought I’d be

The one to see

The center of of it all~”

As tired as she was, Luna paid close attention to Anon’s murmured words, feeling obligated and intrigued, her interest captured for the time being.

“Life is a jewel~

Hard, bright and cruel~

Never thought I’d be

The one to say

How could it have come out this way~?”

With Contstable Cuddle-Cub tucked under one of her forehooves, Luna’s ears flicked as she picked up the next verse without a hitch, Synchronicitous Song Magic filling the air. Rarely did the Princess ever find a suitable partner to share her inner feelings with, so it was a surprise to both of them when her smooth alto joined Anon’s emotionless baritone.

“I saw it in his heart~

A broken foal right from the start~

Never thought I’d be

The one to make

A Patchwork Person fully break~”

Anon stroked Luna’s neck as she began her second verse, neither of them quite understanding what their individual lines had to do with each other quite yet.

“I saw the rued days in his eyes~

A soul so lost that it never cries~

Never thought I’d be

The cause of the

Dam’s flood finally letting free~”

Hoof met hand and in the darkness of Luna’s room grew a small light from her horn, just enough so that the pair could see each other for the final verses, their eyes meeting as a message travelled between them.

“I was born from the Moon

Crashing rocks and stalwart dunes

Loneliness and rhymeless tunes

Maybe I was meant to be here with you?”

“Trust me friend, I share your pain

Your hoof/hand in hand/hoof, we’ll fight the same

Always thought I’d be

Alone today

I was wrong what can I say?”

“Meeting you

Was the best I could do

I don’t look forward to

When our days are through

And I know you feel the same”

“We can see what all we’ve done~

And yet the best is still to come~

Trust me, Luna/Anon I’m the one~

For you~.

They stared at each other.

“The buck/fuck!?”

Quoth The Wendigo

Yeah, so apparently Song Magic is a thing in Equestria and apparently that shit is like, psychic as fuck or something, because it tends to tell the future and what’s truly in people’s hearts. At least, that’s what Luna and Celestia told me. After Luna and I sang a little ditty that I don’t really remember too well, she kicked me out of her personal room and into her private chambers, where I slept on a comfortable couch with one of her teddy bears because I like to sleep and snuggle. It’s not gay/stupid: it’s comforting.

In all honesty, I really do like Luna. I mean, she’s fun to fuck with, and when she’s nice about it, it’s not hard to avoid fucking with her upon request. However, she’s a horse, as in a quadruped, and I. Am. A. Hu-Man. Man. As in made in God’s image. I’m supposed to be riding Luna, not the other way around for Christ’s sake! For as blue as she was, my favorite color is more like burgundy or maroon, so fie to that noise or what-the-fuck-ever.

While I was chilling on the couch, not really all that tired, I decided that I was going to get out of the castle for a little bit and just generally followed the Konami Kode to pick places to go. Instead of going ‘Up’, I went straight, and instead of going ‘Down’, I didn’t do anything at all because fuck that shit. A few people asked me what I was doing since I just seemed to be meandering about because that’s what I was doing, but no one tried to stop me or tell me to go anywhere other than the place I already was, so I figured I was good.

After an hour of solid exploring that left me more than a little bored, I found the castle kitchens and snuck in without much of a problem. Much to my surprise, there were all manners of animals bustling about in the area, including but not limited to: Cows, a Dog, Llamas, a Tapir, an Anteater, and a few more creatures that I didn’t quite recognize. Outside of the obvious things that were going on like meal prep and cleaning, there were quite a few maids and butlers chatting and flirting while I tried not to be Human in a room full of adorable talking animals.

The Anteater I mentioned earlier was the first to notice me and was thusly the first to speak to me in her high, nasally voice. “Hey, you’re not really supposed to be back here, Remmy.”

“Ah, my name’s Anon. I just wanted to see who makes my food is all.” I gave her my most winsome smile. “Well, see and thank, I should say.”

“Well, I’m the lady in charge around here, so I’ll make sure everyone knows that you’re grateful, okay? Now ta-ta!” She flicked her nose toward the door I’d come.

My smile fell slightly, threatening to turn into a frown. “Y-You don’t want me around?”

“Not in the kitchen, no.” The long-faced lady replied.

I let my mask crack in half and a torrential downpour of tears started streaming down my face. “You’re so mean!” Turning on my heel, I ran out of the room bawling my eyes out, running down hall after hall while wailing like a banshee until I found a room to hide in for a little bit.

With nothing to do and nowhere to really go, I exited my hiding place when the Sun reached and passed its Zenith, meaning that I eventually found my way to the Castle Gardens, which was a nice place to practice my Kata. The fauna that resided there seemed to be a little timid around me until it became obvious that I wasn’t paying them any mind, which was mostly because I was wondering what the fuck was up with the song from earlier at that point. Luna had barely told me anything about it, so after I finished a decent workout, I left my shirt and blazer off, but wore my tie because it made me feel sexy and went off to go find Celestia.

As I’d expected, everyone knew where she was and no one wanted to tell me how to get there until I met a stallion named Clean Streak who just straight up gave me a hundred bits and told me how to get to where I wanted to go. He mentioned something about keeping our secret, but I didn’t actually know the guy, so I just played along and took his money since I’m the only Human around and it had to have been me that caught him doing whatever it was he shouldn’t have been doing. With a sack full of about twenty coins with varying levels of value, I found Celestia and told her about the song with Luna while she had a break in between court cases, and she set me straight on what the shit really was in the first place.

She further expounded upon what it actually was during the second break we had, starting with, “As I explained, Synchronicitous Song Magic is a little rare, but it is possible and it can be useful. It often helps tell the future, reveal true emotion, and even has ties to Love and Friendship Magic. However, just because Luna and yourself had a moment doesn’t mean you should be terribly worried. At least, not yet. If you want to kiss her for fun rather than to mess with her, then you might be in trouble.” Celestia teased.

Anon snuck a kiss from Celestia, but he wasn’t expecting her to stick her tongue down the back of his throat mere seconds into the kiss, making him recoil and fall down the steps of the dais, gagging and sputtering as he tried to avoid biting both his and Celestia’s tongues off. “Fuckin’ waaah!”

The Solar Princess was kind enough to stop Anon from falling all the way down the stairs, bringing him back up to her with Levitation. “Fair warning for the next time: I’m very fond of Prench kisses.”

He gave her a scandalized look and rubbed his throat, croaking out, “Don’t lick my tonsils.”

“Didn’t you say our first kiss needed more tongue?”

“... Your lips are softer, but Luna’s sweeter.”

“Really now?”

“Yeah. I’m going to go add that to my journal.”

“As you should, if you truly feel that it’s important. You’re welcome to return with your journal if you like.”

“Will do.” I saluted casually and headed off to go get lost again before I eventually got someone to tell me where the Human’s room was.

Along the way, I ran into a pink Alicorn who neglected to tell me her name, though she did mention that she was looking for a hairless monkey that could possibly be her Aunt’s familiar. I told her that I didn’t know of any hairless monkeys, but I did wish her luck with finding me, whoever I was. After that, I got back to my room and wrote this out.

… God this is short. I’m bad at journals. Fuckin’... I’ll try harder next time or something.

Author's Note

So I lost someone recently, and that pain helped motivate me to come back to Anon and try to reignite the flame that got me started with this story in the first place.

QTW, with luck, will not be updated terribly often, though I will finish the story. I just write this shit when my heart hurts, which I stopped doing for dumb reasons.

As Always,❅Stay Cool, Kids❅