Chapter Five: Decompression Slickness

Quoth the Wendigo

My evening started out pretty good. I got to wake up with an orange Pony nudging me awake with a little smile on her face and a cute little cowboy hate on her head. It made me smile immediately upon opening my eyes, so I reached out and scratched her chin because she was cute. The little Pony gave me an odd look before her eyes closed and she sighed, letting me pet and fondle her throat and neck as I saw fit for a good while. It was a nice way to wake up, and once I’d had my fill of her short, dog-like fur, I gave her a little boop and she gave me a dreamy grin.

“Now wasn’t that jus’ somethin’ nice?” She sighed. “Thank ya kindly.”

I gave her a little smile. “Thank you. Your fur feels nice.”

She shrugged. “I dunno if it’s all that soft, but I ain’t really that kind of mare.”

“Well, your not as fluffy as Celestia and your not as smooth as Luna, but your a little shaggier than Fluttershy, which is nice.”

“I don’t need a coat cut, do I?”

“I think it feels nice.”

“Well, iffin’ you’re the one who’s feelin’ it, then I dunno if I should bother with the hassle.”

I sat up and stretched, yawning my balls off and then exhaling mightily to use the vacuum force created from the action to stick them back in their sockets. “I don’t see why Ponies would cut their fur in the first place. Don’t you shed?”

“A long coat means ya sweat more, but I never sweat that much in the first place. Perks a’ workin’ your whole life, I guess.”

“Farmer or rancher?”

“Farmer. Got a few ranchin’ cousins though.”

“Same. Got both sides of the field in my family. Got to work on my Grandparent’s ranch when I was little and my Aunt and Uncle’s ranch when I was in my teens. I remember that my Aunt had this donkey named Dirty that she was always telling me not to ride. I remember getting told off for rolling down a hill in a giant tire one day while she and my lazy ass Uncle were seein’ me rollin’, they hatin’, patrollin’ tryna catch me ridin’ dirty.”

The little orange Pony blinked. “Was that a joke?”

“It was a reference, cutie pie. What’s your name?”

She gave me an odd look. “Applejack. It’s nice ta meet ya, Anon.”

“What’s the long face for?”

“Well, I-”

“Is it because your face is long?”

“Shush. It’s because I ain’t cute-”

“You’re fuckin’ adorbs, my Pone.”

“Well, thank ya kindly.” She blushed a little and tilted her hat. “For an alien, ya actually happen ta be kinda… Well, I’m not interested, but I know ya got at least one mare who wouldn’t mind a go.”

“Luna?”

She choked on her own saliva before laughing. “For crying out loud! That old spinster wouldn’t give it up if ya caught her in the middle of spring estrus with a toy on each teat and a wand makin’ every step a little more agonizin’!”

I waved at the big blue Pony that was standing in the doorway of my room, staring Applejack’s ass into oblivion. “Hey, sexy no-pants.”

Luna blushed lightly and Applejack turned around slowly. “... Buck me.”

“Harlot,” Luna said flatly, making AJ wince.

“Hey, that’s just unnecessary,” I responded irritably.

“Unnecessary, but evidently true.” The blue bitch answered bitchfully.

I glared at Luna and swung my legs over the side of the bed, putting a hand on Applejack’s neck. “Eat a dick, faggot.”

Luna’s eye twitched. “Mind your place.”

Applejack looked at me. “Don’t get yourself arrested!”

I patted her and got up, walking over to Luna as the Princess asked, “What are you doing?”

I passed her and headed out of the room, leaving her and Applejack to follow my topless, sexiful self as I strolled around like I owned the castle. I didn’t, but I knew it irritated Luna whenever I acted like I was a Prince to the servants that were milling about. Even though I made sure the servants knew not to take me seriously, Luna forgot to grab the memo and undid all of the orders I gave out because she wasn’t having any of my shit. I eventually started talking to her about how much I hated bitches and she agreed for the most part, citing a dislike of female dogs as the source of her frustration. Sadly, she didn’t know just how pissed I was at her for verbally attacking someone for basically just saying that she was celibate, which Celestia had told me that she was.

Every time I looked at Luna, my left eye started to burn and her face would twitch more and more frequently the longer I looked at her. The intensity of the burning also spiked whenever her face twitched for some odd reason, but I’d been told that I was missing about two years worth of memories, so there wasn’t really a point in trying to remember or understand why the fuck my pee-pee hurt. There was an ache building in the tip that was nothing like blue balls, but more like someone was just sucking on me too hard. It reminded me of playtime with Vanessa, and even playtime with Kate when she was on her pedophile shit. God, Kate was such a great big sister. Shame she murder-suicided my brother and fucked me up for no reason, but the busted nuts were fantastic. Still haven’t had a blowjob as satisfying at the one she gave me when I first started actually ejaculating, but that’s a story for another time.

While I was thinking of a way to make Luna realize that the suffering I generally put her through was nothing compared to what I could do, I realized that I could do the thing that she didn’t want the most: Sexual harrassment! With my plan put together she wouldn’t even see it coming; I’d chop her into four black dudes and I’d remake Cool Runnings. Aside from that solid ass bar from one solid ass OG nigga, I was easily seeing ways to make Luna more uncomfortable than I already made her, and it was all her fault for being a twat.

Quoth The Moon

Ill tides came to bear as though they were sweeping over the Lunar Diarch’s hooves, the scars beneath her fur aching with a peculiar kind of pain that filled her with apprehension rather the form of battle-lust she felt whenever they usually made their presences known. Even when she was at her lowest, she craved a face to kick in for the sake of transferring the pain, but not when she looked at Anon. Whenever Anon looked at her with those lovely, chocolate brown eyes, all she ever saw was disapproval, and that feeling was often what set her hooves alight with pins and needles, the sensation as alien to her as the alien himself. His gaze in and of itself made her blood boil, her mind immediately summoning elitism and her status as a Princess as reasons to be giving looks such as the one her mentally disturbed, psychologically broken Familiar was shooting her rather than receiving them. People do not look at Princesses with disdain and mischief; Princesses look at their subjects in such a manner because their station affords them the luxury of being superior to the beings they rule, and it has always been that way as it always should be.

Or at least that’s how it worked in Luna’s mind.

As she escorted Applejack and Anonymous to the Dining Hall for brinner, she couldn’t help but feel like she had a night full of irritation and suffering in her future, but she tried to swallow her rising anxiety and mild desire to simply give up on the night in favor of being the best Princess she could be. She’d already failed Anon, but he wasn’t one of her subjects. He and Celestia had already made clearer than the nitrogen she was breathing. And the oxygen, but there was a fair amount less of that than the nitrogen.

Upon arrival at the Dining Hall, she almost made the mistake of ordering Anon to open the door by saying, “Familiar, open the- Er… Would you mind opening the door for us?”

Anon raised a brow. “I wouldn’t.”

He stood still.

Luna frowned and sighed. “Will you please open the door?”

Her familiar’s face never truly moved enough to let her know what was on his mind unless he was nearing an extreme corner of an emotion. As it was, his face was flat and he didn’t seem to care about doing the menial favor luna had asked of him, exactly as Celestia had said. She considered whether or not she should just give up and treat him like a normal stallion while she found her seat since Anon was damn near impossible to work with otherwise, and the fear of ruining his mind again was nestled deep in her heart. While Luna hated the fact that she’d Imprinted a Familiar Bond on such a troublesome character, she couldn’t help but hold the smallest, most miniscule amount of respect for Anon. After all, as long as he was petting somepony, he wasn’t being awful.

Speaking of which, Applejack’s presence had been Celestia’s idea rather than Luna’s, and yet again her sister seemed to know better than herself. The farmer and the former rancher were fast friends and even faster drinking buddies when The Princess Of The Night stooped low as to bribe her familiar with a bottle of honey-whiskey. It was one of her favorite distillers of the modern era, and since she’d known the originator of the recipe, she felt as though it was necessary to like it a little more than she should. She honestly (Though not willingly) hoped that Anon would enjoy the bribe for what it was rather than what it meant, and she was certain that he was at least pleased with it when he and Applejack cleared half the bottle before dinner was even over.

Luna shot Anon a dubious look when she saw him on his fourth whiskey-and-cream. “Anonymous, are you an alcoholic?”

Applejack opened her mouth and closed it without saying a word, so Anon answered. “Yooou may call me many thingsa, Ma-damn. A drunk Is one. A lover is another. An alchyholic isn’t one of ‘em!”

Applejack looked at him strangely. “This is one-fifty-one, Sugar. Ya been drinkin’ it like juice.”

“Juice is good!”

Celestia cleared her throat. “Perhaps you would like some coffee?”

Anon looked excited. “Yeah! Can I put whiskey in it?”

“No.” Luna answered. “I want you to practice your kata so I may see what it is.”

Anon frowned and rubbed his neck. “... Imma need some water then, I guess. You wouldn’t mind pissing in my mouth, would you?”

Applejack choked on her pudding and it splurted out of her snout, Celestia choked on her wine and had burning tears rolling down her eyes as she tried not to laugh at her sister’s mortified, green face while Luna went with,. “Thou disgust us!!!”

Anon raised a brow. “Is that a no?”

“YES!!” Luna cried loudly.

“Well, I’m still thirsty. Do you produce milk?”

Celestia closed her eyes and cast the spell as Luna’s blush finished covering her body. “Confound it.”

Applejack’s blush reached her flank when she smelled Luna’s pheromones in the air and she repeated Luna’s action before Celestia could save her. Anon took a deep breath and smiled like a loon. “I fucking love pie. I’ll make the ice cream if anyone-”

Luna threw fruit at him with Magic, Applejack shoved him, but it was ultimately Celestia silencing him to save herself from suffering the same orgasmic fate as Luna and Applejack that ended the embarrassment. She chose to let him be pelted for a fair while as Applejack distanced herself from him, her tail tucked firmly between her legs as fruit after delicious fruit slammed Anon in his precious little thinker. He tried to speak as Luna took out the frustrations on him (Quite fairly, in every mare’s eyes) that had been building up on her throughout the short time she’d spent in his company. When he finally curled up into a ball to avoid getting brained by a coconut that no one was going to eat, Celestia erected a shield around him to protect him from further harm than what he’d already invited upon himself.

When Anon knew he wasn’t going to get hit with anything else, he picked himself up slowly, wincing as he did. Most of his visible skin was either sticky with fruit juice or in the beginning stages of bruising, which was fine by everyone in the room, including Anon. He simply didn’t care for the time being, though Luna suspected that he would once his vanity was compromised. She left the Dining Hall with Applejack en tow since the considerably younger mare had been preparing to switch to a night schedule for a few days anyway, and the thermos of coffee she brought along with her certainly wouldn’t hurt. Neither female spoke for a fair amount of time, both of them deciding to find a little comfort in a silence that wasn’t awkward for two reasons: For one, they could smell their own and each other’s pheromones in the air before Luna took care of the matter, and for two, Applejack was cuddled up to Luna as they walked along, the younger mare finding comfort in some furship with her Princess. Luna allowed it since Anon operated on levels of embarrassment that could be absolutely lethal, and Applejack was only there because of Luna’s inability to handle her Familiar properly. She felt that she owed the little orange farmer something for getting her verbally molested, though the alcohol certainly didn’t seem to hurt.

“So… Princess,” Applejack said hesitantly.

“Yes, my subject?” Luna answered as tenderly as she could.

“... Um… Is Anon gonna be in Night Court tonight?”

“You do not have to stay if you do not want to.”

“I was just thinkin’ that we could play poker or somethin’. It’s a real quiet kinda game, y’know?”

“T’is a good idea. We will take it into consideration.” Luna considered it. “I have considered it. We are playing the quietest games you can think of tonight. And for as long as you are in the castle.”

Applejack chuckled and let herself drift away from Luna, feeling better about cumming along with her already. “I can think a’ plenty a’ stuff for Anon ta do iffin’ ya jus’ wanna shut him up. Big Mac does plenty of quiet stuff.”

“Ah, the handsome brother of yours?” Luna asked with mild interest.

Applejack smiled to herself and nudged Luna. “My handsome single brother, ya mean. Yeah, Mac’s awful stoic until ya make him talk. Then he won’t shut up.”

“Hmm… thou couldst arrange a visit during spring, then? We know that Ponyville is quite the mare-heavy town.”

Applejack sighed. “Eeyup. I think a lot of the reason stallions don’t talk as much as Anon does is because they gotta stay indoors all day during Spring Heat.”

“Like they suffer for it,” Luna huffed.

“Not as bad as we do,” Applejack agreed.

A few of Luna’s male guards happened to be standing watch at the entrance to the Court Hall and heard the comment before the mares were in sight, but the misandry continued even as Luna went over the horrors of dating that she’d faced in times long passed. Neither of the guards dared say anything to their frankly sexist ruler, but then again, Applejack wasn’t exactly comfortable with the turn the conversation was taking herself. While Luna continued to complain and make broad statements about many groups, she ordered some servants to go get the necessary components for a good poker game while she and Applejack explored the history of Canterlot together. Anon eventually came to the Court Hall, looking rather un-sticky for having been pelted with fruit an hour and a half ago.

When he marched up Luna’s dais and ignored Applejack completely, the Princess had a strange feeling that she wasn’t about to thank her for the delicious bath. Her supposition was proved to be correct when Anon said, “If I bruise more than this, we’re about to have a fuckin’ problem.”

Luna didn’t care for his tone or his words in general. “Watch thine tongue-”

“No. Watch your bullshit. It’s not my fault you can’t take a fuckin’ joke, so grow the fuck. Up.”

The Princess stared at him. “... Didst thou just imply-”

“Bitch, I didn’t imply a Goddamn thing: I said it.”

Cold fury wrapped itself around Luna’s stomach and she felt the pull of violence as she smiled at her Familiar. “Wouldst thou like to continue?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“We will see you in the morning. Say hello to the other prisoners for me, will you?” Luna gave him a warm, mocking smile.”

Luna’s horn lit up and sent Anon off to the dungeons to learn a lesson. After he spit in her face. Applejack’s jaw dropped and she rushed up the stair she’d been sitting on and asked, “Oh crap, are you okay, Princess!?”

The Lunar Diarch Magicked Anon’s spit off of her face and reminded herself that she’d specifically left Anon that particular avenue of disrespecting her of her own volition. “We are fine. Anon will understand the weight of his transgression once I have calmed further.”

“... Maybe ya shouldn’t have-”

“He deserved it.”

“I ain’t sayin’ he didn’t, I’m jus’ sayin’ he didn’t really hurt us. We’re pretty much fine and he was already startin’ ta look pretty banged up…”

“He is spending the night in the dungeon, and treason is no crime to go unpunished. Whether he be our Familiar or not- Nay, because he is our Familiar, such behavior-”

“So you’re a batterer.” Applejack said plainly.

Luna blinked. “We beg thine pardon?”

“Your Familiar was bad, so you beat ‘im. If he was a dumb Familiar, you’d be an animal abuser. If he was a Pony, ya’d just be a batterer.”

The glare the Diarch leveled at the commonpony was nothing to rub one’s snout at, but Applejack had never been afraid to give her honest opinion to those who severely needed to hear it. Still, Applejack leaned back as Luna took a step forward and said, “We would advise you to silence thineself with one of thine games.”

Applejack pursed her lips opened her mouth, closed it, and looked behind her like she was expecting to see somepony. To Luna’s mind, she imagined that the young mare was feeling the pull of her home in the last moments of her freedom. “Princess… I gotta be true ta myself.” She turned back to Luna with a sorrowful look and much doubt. “... I’m honestly startin’ ta think that Anon pushes your buttons because you deserve it and he ain’t afraid ta do it. He made a bad joke, probably didn’t know he was takin’ it too far, and it didn’t work out. You knew what you were doin’, and the only reason I didn’t say nothin’ was because it was the heat of the moment. He bumped into you in a weird way on the train and you kicked him in the leg as hard as you could before he could figure out what was goin’ on.”

Celestia teleported in shortly after Applejack ended her brutally earnest soliloquy, though before Luna could comment on either her sister’s arrival or Applejack’s thoughts, the eldest mare in the room said, “Sister, I spoke to Anon about the fruit incident and-” She looked around.

“He’s in the dungeon for gettin’ real sassy and spittin’ in Her Highness’ face when she told him he was goin’ there.” Applejack figured she would answer the unspoken question.

The Solar Diarch gave her attention from Applejack over to Luna. “Applejack, you’re dismissed. I’m sure the library has some interesting finds that you may enjoy. Or the Gardens, perhaps?”

“Heard the night scene in Canterlot’s pretty interestin’...”

Celestia nodded. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

Applejack beamed because she just got away with treason up until Luna said, “We have not forgotten your words, young mare.”

The farmer turned around and cursed herself for not knowing when to shut up when Celestia said, “If it was about your treatment of Anon, then I’m inclined to think that it was justified.”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “Whether or not treason is justified gives it no credence-”

“Spoken like a tyrant, Luna. We are leaders,” Celestia reminded.

“And leaders must lead their followers to their proper place.”

“Spoken like an elitist.”

“Thou forget our sovereign right-”

“Luna.” Celestia growled. “... Surrender Anon to me. If you initiate further contact with him of your own free will-”

“No. He is my responsibility-”

“You treat him like less than a bucking pet! You don’t shoot coconuts at anypony you don’t want seriously injured! For crying out loud, if you weren’t my sister, I would arrest you!”

“Try.”

“What the b-” Celestia took a deep breath and teleported Applejack back to her quarters for the night to get her out of the way of the monumental amount of nagging that was about to happen. “You have literally raped and tortured this stallion into being one of the most unknowable things we’ve ever seen. I can’t even enter his mind anymore because it’s so bucking fragmented that the Tulpa who was in there won’t come out of hiding anymore. You have traumatized this already traumatized stallion, and you seem to feel nothing-”

Luna teleported in front of her sister and slammed her bare hoof across the taller mares cheek, her eyes flushing with tears. “Does thou truly believeth we WANT to be this unloving MONSTER!?Didst thou think we ENJOYED being the custodian? The General? The mare who crawls through the muck and stabs our friends in the BACK!?”

Celestia foresaw another punishing blow in her very near future, so she chose to love instead of fight and held her sister, taking them to the younger sister’s room after embracing her. Luna let the floodgates loose as she wept for her past and what it had turned her into, but it was mostly for the present that she mourned, the things she kept doing to the being who stood the chance of growing closest to her if only she would let him. Every time Anon rebuked her for treating him as less than he was, she’d become upset and that just hadn’t been the right thing for her to do. She’d asserted her dominance over a stallion who saw no reason for her to do so, which lead him to be unhappy, though for the life of her she couldn't figure out what she’d done this time to earn his ire. Things had been going relatively well, all things told, and now she’d made an enemy of him all over again.

Luna was lost, but her sister had a plan.

Quoth The Sun

Celestia comforted her sister to the best of her abilities and made sure that she was safe from herself for the time being. Once the most pressing matters were taken care of, she left her sister to her own devices slash stew in her own deserved misery. While she felt that Luna was probably going to need more than just a few hugs to clear her mind and break down the walls that were surrounding her heart, Celestia was steadily growing more and more sure that Anon would be the one to melt the ice surrounding the Princess of the Moon’s heart. All she needed to do was a little more tweaking while he was in her possession and she would eventually form him into the perfect, more apt lover for her wayward sister.

After all, what mare doesn’t straighten out her act when she has a stallion to look after?

With that in mind, Celestia teleported down to the dungeons in the ‘basement’ of the castle and greeted the guards that were standing at their posts as she passed them. Few knew her to be anything less than magnanimous to the few Ponies that ended up in the Canterlot Keep, but none knew her to be kind to the Extra-Pony races. Fair was the most any of them got, and for already having been branded as a treasonous, slanderous toad by Luna and some of the guards that had seen her interactions with Anon, no one expected anything less than a trip to the Changeling Hives or Tartarus for the Human. However, Nopony actually knew just how much Celestia well and truly liked Anon besides the mare herself. When she showed up at Anon’s cell as he glared at the purplish-yellowish blotches popping up on his skin with a warm, apologetic, downcast grin, Anon had an inkling that he was going to get an apology and bad news.

Imagine his surprise when Celestia said, “My Familiar has no place being in a hole like this. Would you like to enter my service as opposed to Luna’s, Anonymous Anonymity Anonymoneymous?”

Anon looked at her, his face flat and his lips set in a line. “Yep.”

“You don’t sound enthused.”

“Can you heal me?”

The owner of the sole Human in Equestria stepped forward and healed her new Familiar. “I’m sorry Luna sent you down here, but-” Anon hugged her, so it felt like a good time too hug back and save the words for another time to the Great White Plushie.

“It’s fine. I’m pretty again, I don’t have to deal with her, and you’re probably gonna let me snuggle up to you sometimes as long as I keep it reasonable.” He let her go and gave her a peck on the snout with the ghost of a grin on his lips.

Celestia licked that smile off of his face because she could do the weird-but-cute angle just as well as the fun-and-flirty angle. Or whichever approach she really felt like using in all honesty. However, she didn’t pay attention to his face’s taste. “If you require quote unquote ‘snuggles’ to resist harming yourself, you may have as many as you desire as long as you do not antagonize Luna in anyway. Deal?”

Anon blinked and wiped his face off before burying his face into the crook of Celestia’s jaw, his toneless hum and warm breath tickling her throat. “I don’t have to torture Luna. It’s just fun. I’ll play with you instead.”

“Sounds like we have a deal then. Do we need to shake on it?”

Anon took her hoof and shook it before laying on his stomach across her back. Celestia felt the odd sensation of having a living saddlebag on her that wasn’t wholly unpleasant, so she chose to humor him for the time being. With his vehicle in motion and Celestia’s new familiar comfortably resting on her back, she was prepared to spend a long night taking over for her sister that would eventually turn into a long day. Thankfully she would have company for the night, and with luck a little more for the day, should Anon choose to stay awake.

Celestia walked them to the outside of the dungeon, surprising the guards and giving them quite the tale to tell the others whenever they got off of their shift. The princess knew that she might have caused a stir with her actions, but she found it hard to care while the ever-interesting Anon commented to her about things until she made him get off of her back. He only complained for a short while, much to Celestia’s pleasure, and he wasn’t that drunk so teleporting him to the Court Hall wasn’t as troublesome as she might have feared.

Once they settled in for the night and Celestia had sent off for Anon to be given some herbal tea to keep him sedated, the Human asked, “So when am I going to have to talk to the Pink Pony Princess who’s pursuing the primeape?”

Celestia blinked and gave him a little smile. “How long have you been waiting to ask that?”

“A few seconds,” Anon answered honestly.

“Oh. Then Good job with your alliteration. As far as your question goes, you can speak to Cadance whenever you would like. In fact, I would even send her a letter of summons if she would like to make a nightly visit.”

“Ah, then I’d like to meet her as soon as possible then. It’s not too late, is it?”

“No, it’s only just nearing her usual bedtime, but even then you know how some mares can be. Or you wouldn’t, I suppose.”

“Oh, I know for certain, I’m just surprised that there’s another one of your sisters-”

“No, no, Cadance is my niece.”

“Oh. Then your niece is very adorable and I would like to hug her, please.”

“Then it shall be arranged.” Celestia magicked up a quill and some ink before writing the note and whisking it away. “For the time being, what would you like to talk about?”

Anon swung his legs from the arm of the throne. “Can you scoot over so I can sit next to you?”

“It would be a little too improper, I’m afraid.”

“Can I try to braid your mane?”

She gave him an odd look. “You know how to braid without Magic?”

“Yeah, my ex used to have me learn all sorts of stuff for her hair,” Anon explained, “I kinda picked up a likin’ for it.”

Celestia made her mane float into his lap. “Then let’s see how you do.”

As Anon started French-braiding a Pony’s mane for the first time in his life, he considered what his life had turned into while Celestia enjoyed the pampering and the attention she was getting from a platonic, cuddlesome friend. There was little else in the world that she enjoyed more than having her mane toyed with, which made Anon’s ministrations feel even better. Sadly, all good things must come to an end as Anon finished braiding Celestia’s mane, though the feeling of his fingered lingered in her multi-colored locks..

“Voila!” He spread his hands and gave her a little smile. “Now you’re pretty.”

The Solar Diarch rolled her eyes and conjured up a mirror to check his work. She liked what she saw, and it was plenty regal enough to wear for the night. “I like it. Maybe I’ll make you my new Royal Braider?”

“If I can do it once, I can do it again,” he replied confidently.

“I’m sure you can,” Celestia giggled. “Maybe you would like to be a mare for a day so I can braid your mane?”

“You mean a literal mare or a woman?”

“Would you like to try being a Pony?” Celestia asked.

“Eh, maybe another time,” He replied as Cadance’s answer winked into existence in front of Celestia.

She read the note quickly and smiled. “Oh, it would seem that Cadance is on her way. Would you like to help me play a prank on her?”

Anon gave Celestia a predatory grin. “Is that even a real question?”

Quoth The Wendigo

Everything was going according to plan. I’d been broken out of jail, Celestia was my new Massa Lady, and I was currently waiting for said Massa to give me the sign to leap off of the dais and tackle Cadance. At her wink, I flew through the air with Celestia’s Levitation Spell and carried myself all the way to the other side of the Court Hall, crashing into the pink Princess with aplomb. Cadance screeched and squealed while I hugged the ever-loving fuck outta her warm, loveable little ass. She was the right kind of freaking out when I started kissing her snout all over, and I’m pretty sure I might have accidentally gotten a few on her lips before I just started kissing her cheek.

Long after we tumbled to the ground, Cadance calmed down and Celestia did nothing to help the situation at all.. “Cadance, I see you’ve met Anon.”

She looked up at me and I smiled. “You smell good.”

She gave me a weak smile in turn. “... Haven’t we already met?”

“Yep.”

“... Would you mind getting off of me?”

“Nope.” I clambered off of her carefully and helped her back to her hooves like I’d done with a few ponies back in my days on the ranch. Ranches.

Cadance gave me a little smile. “So you’re Luna’s Familiar?”

“No, I’m her Familiar now.” I pointed at Celestia. “She’s nicer to me than Luna is.”

Her smile fell a little. “Oh, well I’m sure Aunty Luna will warm up to you eventually.”

“She tried to hit me with a coconut.”

“Did you deserve it or not?” Celestia asked.

“Not at that velocity!”

“Agreed, but you deserved the first few pieces of fruit. The rest was simply wasteful.”

I stuck my tongue out at the ridiculously older being like it would have an effect on her. “Meanie-meanie Sunbutt!”

Cadance gave me an odd look. “You most certainly do live up to the rumors…”

I smiled at her. “Am I really that cute?”

“No.”

“I was gonna give you a nice hug but now it seems like you’re kinda awful.”

“Anon, please,” Celestia huffed.

“She started it.” I grumbled like a child to accentuate my boyish charm.

“You’re a grown foal.”

“I’m a hug moosheen that’s not getting any hugs.”

“If you stop tormenting my niece, I’ll give you a hug.”

Something crossed my mind. “Can I rub your ears?”

“You may rub them, and that is all.” She warned, giving me a warningful look full of promises and stuff.

I pouted at her. “But they look tasty!”

“You may not do that. It is an intimate gesture, Anon.”

“Aren’t I-”

“No,” She said amusedly.

“You stuck your tongue down my throat!”

“Aunty!” Cadance gasped.

Celestia looked at her. “He kissed kissed me and I wanted to enjoy it. Is that so wrong?”

“Yes!” Cadance maintained.

“You Ponies must make great lesbians.”

“We’re fantastic Special Someponies overall,” Cadance said with a wide smile. “I’m sure you can find somepony to love if you actually want to look outside of royalty.”

“Applejack looked cuddly,” I mused.

“Oh, so you’ve met-” Cadance started.

“And embarrassed,” Celestia added quickly.

“Applejack, yes,” I said smoothly.

“Oh. Well maybe-” The pink Princess said nervously.

“Oh no, I want a piece of that sweet cotton candy flavored ass.”

Cadance stared at me. “... There aren’t any Donkeys here…”

“But you’re here. Let me have some of you.” I gave her a wink.

She blushed as I walked over to Celestia and gave her a hug instead of hugging the pink one. “So you’re not being serious. Good.” She wiped a hoof across her brow. “For a second there I thought I was-”

I gave Celestia a big smooch on the cheek before licking her, interrupting Cadance. “You were saying?”

Celestia licked me back, so I licked her tongue and she made a face. “Ew. Don’t lick my tongue.”

“It seemed like the most effective counter action I had.” I wiped her drool off of my face as she wiped my slobber off of hers.

She gave me a kiss on the cheek. “If you wanted affection, you could have asked.”

“Can I have another hug?”

“After you apologize to Cadance for tackling her.”

I looked at the aforementioned Pony Princess. “Sorry for giving you extra special lovin’s without you askin’.”

Cadance gave me an odd look before shaking her head and settling on a smile. “It’s fine. Just let me know before you decide to give me another hug in the future, okay?”

“Do you want one now?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind one.” She gave me an easy grin.

I walked over and gave her a gentle hug, whispering, “You’re a pretty Pony. You’re the prettiest Pony,” in her ear over and over again.

Cadance let me pull away from her, though she was visibly disturbed when I returned to Celestia’s side. “Ah-hah-hah… Wow… That Familiar Cube sure is something…”

“Oh, Anon is no standard Familiar. He may as well be a stallion.” Celestia informed.

Cadance blushed and cleared her throat while I winked at her and blew her a kiss. “Um… I think I should be getting to um… Bed?”

“Would you like Anon to walk with-”

“No! No, that’s fine, I think I can get there myself!” She assured her Aunt quickly. She cantered forth to give Celestia a quick hug before practically running away from me with her tail tucked between her legs.

Celestia and I watched in amusement as the smaller quadruped skittered away. When she was gone, I turned to Celestia and nibbled on one of her ears until she flicked it and made it pop out of my mouth. “Don’t do that.”

“You taste like ice cream,” I said honestly.

“Be that as it may-”

“Luna tastes good, but you might be growing on me. I might spend tonight trying to kiss you.”

“If you were better at it, I’d let you.”

“Why not spend some time practicing, then? It might just be that your not used to my freaky Human face.”

She butted me with her head and started walking back toward the throne. “I would think that you would be less eager to experiment with an alien than you’ve proven so far.”

“Well, I haven’t gotten laid in like, four months and I’ve boned a pone or two in my youth.”

Celestia missed a step and nearly faceplanted, her hoof skittering off of the marble floor. “You’ve already slept with a Pony?”

“Yeah. Rob said I’d never get laid, so I proved him wrong. He didn’t have long to make fun of me for it, but in retrospect, even when he was calling me a horsefucker he was nice about it. He even told me to stop doing it before someone found out and I got into serious trouble. He just thought it was funny.”

“... You had… Intercourse, with what you considered… Okay, you bucked an animal? A handsome animal, mind you, but an animal nonetheless?” She asked in utter disbelief.

“When did I ever tell you that I was any kind of normal?”

“... Have you-”

“With a Pony? I’d like to try. It seems fun, and you already taste good.” I crossed my arms when I caught up to her, standing at the bottom of the dais.

Celestia chuckled and raised her brows, looking at the throne with blushed cheeks. “To think I’d know a stallion who would lay an actual animal.”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. The horse felt better than my ex.”

She burst out laughing at my ridiculous fact until she saw that I wasn’t even smiling. “Oh. Were you being serious?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t mind a snuggle, but if you want to be my big cuddle-plushie, that works too.”

Celestia probably meant to let her plot sway as she climbed the steps, but it wasn’t exactly sexy. “Familiars should be respecting their Mistress’, not trying to lay them.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Not if you would hurry up and seal my lips with a kiss. You could use the practice, I suppose~” Celestia watched me as I climbed up behind her, swooshing her tail from side to side. She never did it hard enough to let me see what Pony pussy looked like, but I had a feeling that I wasn’t about to be as confused as I was back in middle school.

“And here I thought you were going to keep playin’ like ya didn’t want me no more. I thought your eyes were wandering in the bath.”

“And yours weren’t,” She huffed, sitting on her throne.

I jogged up to her and leaned on one of the arms, standing on the top step. “Well, I wasn’t really trying to ogle my gracious hostess until she started flirting with me.”

“Maybe she just wants you to feel comfortable.” The Princess gave me a coy smile.

I carefully took her muzzle in one hand and kissed her nose because her nose was soft and fuzzy. “Damn, I really do need practice.”

She let me change the subject, though I doubt she knew that I’d never actually be comfortable until I was sleeping forever. “You can’t even hit the target when you’re holding it. That’s a shame.”

I gave her nose another smooch before giving her lips a try. Celestia didn’t really give me much to go on other than consent for the kiss, so I was working with a blank Ponified slate on this one. However, the longer I kissed her broad, thick lips, the more my head started to ache for some strange reason. I couldn’t help but want to continue the kiss, so I parted her lips with mine and tilted my head to go for the gold, which was a migraine in this case. The pressure in my head grew as Celestia’s tongue entered my mouth, her freaky horse tongue dwarfing mine by what felt like a foot. It felt like I was being mouth-fucked by a gentle, caring tentacle monster that had a textured side to it’s appendage. Apparently she remembered that I didn’t mind the mouth-fucking as much as the throat-fucking because she didn’t go past my tonsils this time. Sucking on her tongue brought the pain in my brain to a head (Pun shamelessly intended) and I could then accurately describe it beyond pressure.

When I pulled away from Celestia, I remembered my first and worst Ego Death, which was during my brief stint in college after going into the military bombed miserably. I was dropping acid like I was the weird kid in class who ate his notebooks and sipped glue like wine, staying high in the sky with Lucy and her diamonds until one day I just hit the fuck button and my brain exploded. Until you go fully batshit no-words-can’t-speak-forget-who-you-are insane: until you get that fucked up, you probably won’t understand the level of pure distress I was in. There was simply no other word for it. I was panicking. I was furious. I was scared. I was sad. I was absluttly euphoric. I was freaking the fuck out.

I closed my eyes because everything around me was too much too bear; agoraphobia gripped my heart like never before, but claustrophobia broke me down and spit me out in a crumbled ball that rolled down the dais until Celestia’s Magic caught me. Unfortunately I went from being in pain to being in agonizing pain as a layer of mycelium-like threads burned beneath my skin, frying my from the inside out all while my mind was still forming an image of a multidimensional object that I have no clue how to name. All I know is that it shifted and folded in on itself as it pleased, breaking down and building itself into a new, equally whole shape every time it collapsed. Between being mesmerized by what was behind my eyes and being blinded by the magma coursing through my muscles, burning into my bones, I heard a voice that pulled me out of the fray. Someone who didn’t give a damn about me so much as us. Someone who took me out of my body and put me into my mind to shield me from the torment or whatever fucking affliction had decided to crawl into my skull and rape my ass from the wrong side of the hole.

It took time for me to collect myself, even with the frantic tomboyish grill shaking me gently, but firmly. “C’mon, Octo! Don’t friggin’ die on me, dude!”

“Grrgugguuuhhleeggle” I replied, which needs no punctuation because it was a continuous noise.

“Aww fuuuck!! Pleeease, Octavian! I’ll fuckin’ suck you off if you pull out of this, I will! It’s gonna be the dong bobblin’ you ever had!” That got a laugh out of me while my aches and pains faded, which encouraged her. She grabbed my hand and my suspicions were confirmed for sure. I’d thought the voice just sounded like a Cockney little boy, which of course meant that I was talking to a young woman. Her hands barely had calluses on them and were otherwise soft, which is how I could tell. “That’s the spirit, ya fighter! There’s no quit in ya and there- Well, other than the suicide stuff, but you can put that behind ya! You’re a warrior at heart, ya just need a battle ta fight!”

“Dam grrreat,” I gargled back.

“Exactly! You just gotta fight through this battle and move onto the next one, big guy! Just gotta open your eyes now! C’mon!”

I tried doing what she said as her not-so-delicate hands touched my face. Everything was black other than the image of the young lady with the pixie-cut giving me a worried grin, and even that was fuzzy, tempered by two different colors. My left eye was awash with reds of all hues and my right eye had rich shades of blue swirling around, making it feel like I was looking at the world through old school Three-D glasses, which kinda made things suck less for some odd reason. Once I could blink the tears out of my eyes and get a clear look of my caretaker, I realized that she looked a lot like Ladesa, a D&D character I’d had a friend with skill draw up for me so I could visualize the game a little more easily. The game fell through when I moved out of Montana to Wyoming, but I’d still had a picture of the drawing saved to my GDrive and phone before I landed in Equestria. The gal in front of me had an awfully strange resemblance to that picture.

“Fuck.” I grumbled.

She chuckled a little and ran her hand over my close-cropped cut. “Gettin’ your sea-legs back yet?”

“Jus’ ‘bout. Who’re you?”

“I don’t really have a name these days. Been dead for a little bit.” Her smile tightened, but she didn’t seem upset. “Better than being alive, but your situation is a little more livable than mine was.”

I thought back to the day I first met Luna, the walls surrounding most of my memories, even the repressed ones from Earth, tumbling down for me to see. “... I keep getting tortured. Not for long, but still.”

“I was driven irreparably insane and poisoned by burning toxic blood and rotten flesh. On top of being starved and dehydrated.” She grumbled. “Seriously, at least you got to blow a load when Luna put the skin-armor in you.”

“You could have masturbated while dehydrated.” I countered.

She gave me a look. “Just so I could die faster. Yipee.”

“Should I be apologizing for the justified bitching I was doing? Because I’m pretty sure that you haven’t been put through the pain I have, cutie.”

“You haven’t had to hear hundreds of people get tortured to death.” She shot back.

“Did you have to taste your brother’s brain?”

“... Okay, you win.”

I gave her a wink and held a hand up for her to grab. She took it carefully and gave it a squeeze while I gave her a little smile. “Name’s Octavian, but you already know that.”

“Name’s to be determined, but you can call me Tulpa. Apparently it’s what I am now.”

“We’re not callin’ you that. How ‘bout Dessie?”

“... Cute. I like it.” She made a face of begrudging approval.

I sat up and scooted back a bit, looked around at the darkness. “... So we’re gonna go ahead and say you gave me that BJ already and skip to the part where you explain what the dick dock tick tock click clock is going on.”

Dessie ran a hand through her hair and gave me an uneasy look. “Well… Do you wanna hear the bad news, or the shitty news? The shit news or the bullshit news, I guess.”

“Let’s go with the shit news first.”

She had a hard time not smiling. “You can’t kill yourself.”

“Which means you get to keep living too, right?”

“Guessed it already!”: She did a little clap. “I know you’re not happy about that, but-”

“How often am I gonna see you?”

“Think about me and I can probably project myself into reality.” She confessed. “I just need you to open the gate from your mind to the real world and I can probably hop on through. If you want that blowie, then I’m gonna have ta apologize and say I’m gay. Cuz’ I am.”

I shrugged. “I was literally just trying to fuck a short horse, so I understand the need to make excuses.”

“Nah, I really am a rug muncher, but the horse-fuckin’ thing is pretty weird, fella.”

“I’m not your fella, friend!”

“I’m not your friend, pal.” She answered a little hotly.

“I’m not your pal, guy!”

“I’m not a guy, fool.”

“I’m not being serious, thou knave.”

“Do you even know what knave means? Because it doesn’t apply to me. I’m a woman.”

“With that haircut? I thought you were just trying to tell me that you were a guy.”

Dessie shot me a look before she cracked a smile. “Okay, so I might remember being known for having some boy-qualities, but you can’t honestly say that I don’t have a fantastic arse.”

“You can’t say I don’t.”

We checked each other out as we stood around, echoing, “Not bad.”

“Bountiful Booty Club?” I asked?”

“BBC for life!” Dessie wooped.

I didn’t want to take a BBC, so I said, “Maybe we oughta be the PPC. the Plentiful Posterior Club.”

“What does BBC mean? Big Butt Chicken?” She asked, her innocence almost to much to spoil.

Almost. “It means Big Black Cock, and I’m none to keen on fuckin’ one, thank ya.”

“I feel that sentiment more than I should as a woman.” Dessie admitted. “Or at least the whores I knew were always looking for a bigger rod.”

“It is what it is.” I shrugged. “So… Are you going to explain the shitty news now.”

“Oh yeeaah.” Dessie suddenly seemed a lot less eager to talk. “About that…”

“There’s a reason my brain exploded, right?”

“Eeyess…”

“Celestia’s fault?”

“Halfway.”

“Luna too?”

“Mostly there.”

“... Cadance?”

“I think so. My intuition tells me that we’re dealing with twice as many culprits as we can clearly see, and my intuition rarely ever-” She gave me a harsh look before I could even open my mouth all the way, “If you rag on me for dying, I’ll send you back into your body! Don’t be a prick for no reason, bruv.” I shrugged and she continued. “So I know for sure that Celestia’s been mind-raping you like Christmas is still a Roman holiday and you’re a Catholic Altar Boy-”

“Damn.”

“Oh, Luna’s done it less, but she fucks up. Celestia’s stuff shouldn’t have done a damn thing, but Luna’s work is what keeps making you have mental breakdowns and driving you deeper into the hole. I just figured I’d save you a little pain since I’ve been sucking your Magic for a little while now-”

“Hey.”

Dessie rolled her eyes. “Oh shuddup,you didn’t even know you had it. I’ll tell you how to use it since you didn’t know, and I’m nice like that. You can consider it the interest on the Magic I’ve been borrowing since I can’t leave your mind with it.”

“Meh. I guess I can let you get away with the bargain of the century because I’m nice like that.”

She smiled at me wryly. “Thanks, Sugartits. I’ll be sure to wear my banana-hammock with even more pride now.”

I gave her a cheesy wink and my best grin, which made her flinch. “Skibidi-ua-pa-pa. Skibidi ua-pa-pa-pa-pa.”

“Right. So… You wanna get revenge on the cunts who’ve been bending your brain over and fucking my house in the arse?”

I smirked at her and she received that look with much more grace than the first. “Since when do I not want to fuck with people who fuck with me?”

“Atta boy!”

Quoth The Moon

“This one is on thine own head.” Luna said flatly, staring down at her former Familiar’s unconscious form. Sadness ached in her hooves as she remembered the good times, like when he’d beat up Blueblood for her, and when he’d given her a hug for the first time.

In the short time since the events had occurred, the memories had already become noteworthy to her. In the same vein, she knew her sister felt a shallower level of remorse for accidentally breaking Anon. Again. “... It was just a kiss… And he seemed to be reacting to it rather well at that…”

“I dare not enter his mind again.” The younger sister huffed. “A wise mare would hesitate, even with the most deft of hooves.”

“And so I do, sister. So I do.” Celestia let out a heavy sigh and took her time in walking to the other side of Anon’s sickbed. His vital signs were in as excellent order as they’d been the first time Luna had messed up and broken him, and for a biped of his general physiology he seemed to be as fit as any mandolin, let alone a fiddle. “I cannot imagine what caused this, Luna… His most recent return to lucidity seemed to be lasting, and it appeared to be taking hold with every extra piece of affection leveled in his direction. Just minutes before he collapsed, he was holding his head high and giving Cadance a good fright!”

“Consider that we do not know of any behavior that would be abnormal for him, sister, as odd as Anon is. There may have been countless signs that we were simply unaware of, and I imagine that my own actions have given no assistance to Anon’s mental state. For the time being, I suppose all we can do is stay out of his mind and wait for him to return to us as the man he will be.”

“... What if he’s lost even more memories, Luna? We could very well end up dealing with a child in a man’s body.”

“The Youthifying Spell worked on him once. I suspect that Anon is actually highly susceptible to Magic.”

“He did start screaming when I caught him with my Magic… I hope he’s okay in there.” Celestia took a deep breath and let out another disheartened sigh, not quite feeling the aster out of the disaster.

“Perhaps he is the Sleeping Prince Charming who needs a kiss from a beautiful Princess to awaken?” Luna puffed, trying to bring some levity to the situation.

Celestia looked at her from across the bed. “... For what we’ve put this mostly innocent man through, I’d say I owe him the chance.” She leaned down and placed a quick peck on his lips before licking one of his eyes.

Luna did the odd Pony-version of a shrug that was practically like bowing for them and followed suit, doing the exact same thing her sister did. They stood and waited for ten seconds before looking at each other with Luna saying, “He tastes of chocolate.”

“I like it. We might as well keep him alive as a living-lick of some kind. He’s better than salt.” Celestia admitted.

Luna licked him again. “Very dark. There’s a deep cacao note here.”

Her sister gave her an odd, confused look before giving Anon some more slobber. “Really? I was thinking something of a milk-chocolate coated raspberry.”

The sister looked at each other for a few seconds before they commenced covering Anon’s unfortunate face (Or very fortunate. Depends on who you ask) in spit and Pony drool. By the time each of them had licked their halves of Anon’s face pink, they were a little intoxicated and giggly for some odd reason, feeling a buzz that they’d never felt before. It was an odd kind of inebriation that left them feeling go~od and a little lightheaded, which is why neither of them realized that Anon was awake until he grabbed their muzzles and made the two Princesses kisseses. It took them a couple of moment to stop enjoying the incestuous smooch, which incidentally happened to end after they started prodding each others tongues.

Celestia came the closest to being sober first and gave Anon a big, blushy grin. “My Hoomun~!”

He shot her a look before wiping her and her sister’s spit off of his face. “Fuckin’ really, though?”

“Ta~astyyy” Luna groaned, nibbling on Anon’s hand.

He gave her a look too. “What are you doing?”

Celestia licked his neck as he sat up, trying to free his hand from Luna’s mouth. Anon started and whacked the offending mare’s neck before vigorously shaking his hand to free it from the demanding hole that was Luna’s oral orifice. “Mmm~”

Anon looked at the two mares and said, “I have something that tastes better than my hands and face, dammit.”

“Something better!?” they squeed in unison.

He whisked the blanket off of him and pulled his pants and boxers down. “The limp thing is like a lollipop you-” Celestia started for it, but Luna beat her to it, wrapping her thirteen inch long tongue around Anon’s entire shaft. “Fuckin’ Christ!!”

Celestia, both being high as a kite and hornier than a certain spiky lizard, found no reason not to enguly both the tip of her sister’s tongue and the head of Anon’s penis with her mouth for her own desires. She could now taste a layer of hazelnut and a stronger hint of raspberry in the milk chocolate, and as she sucked on both Luna’s tongue and Anon’s member, three heads rose as one man lifted his hips, the growth of his erection proving to be plenty of stimulation in and of itself. Between the silky smooth little bumps on Luna’s tenta-tongue that felt like a lukewarm sea-slug with less weight ensnaring his rod and the rougher, more pronounced, hot bumps of Celestia’s freaky tongue, Anon remembered a special moment.

While he’d been cheating on Vanessa because she cheated on him a thousand times and he eventually had just felt like getting laid by someone who actually might care for him, Anon had found out what it was like to poke a woman’s cervix. As fond as he was of the experience, his partner was less enthusiastic, and so he’d never had another chance to break into the baby bank. While lost in the thought, he found it easily comparable to the current sensations assaulting him and his impressively non-overstimulated cock. Whereas Luna’s tongue felt like the lovely outer walls of Trisha the memorable three-night stand, Celestia’s tongue felt like her womb, and the comparison alone was nearly enough to send him over the edge.

The he remembered that he was getting a dual, super-freaky, furry-style, adoptively incestuous, foot-long-plus-some tongue-based blowjob from the two most powerful Ponies in the country. The nut he busted was legendary between the Royal Sister’s as being the best tasting semen that had ever been sprayed into either one of their mouths. Whereas Celestia got the initial four loads of Anon’s sterile love, Luna got the last twelve having teleported her sister across the room to bobble for dong all on her own. She took Anon’s still-hard shaft into her mouth as she continued to oscillate her tongue around his member, coaxing more and more of his delicious Moose-Tracks and Peanut-Butter Cookie Dough flavored seed into her mouth. However, While Anon finally got to relax after she left him with a hearty slurp, Celestia cantered back over to her sister and kissed her eagerly to get a larger share of the alcoholic-chocolate-whipped-cream-covered fudge-parfait that she’d gotten so ‘little’ of.

While Luna and her sister happily swapped their treasures between the two of them and soaked the floor beneath their respective flanks, Anon stared at the ceiling. Then he glanced at them. He looked back to the ceiling and sighed with contentment. Sadly, none of the Sick Bay staff were going to forget what they’d seen anytime soon. Not his problem. However, it was probably going to be Celestia and Luna’s problem if things continued, but neither of them were in any shape to do more than swap the drug they’d unknowingly ingested into each other’s mouths and cum buckets all over the place. Eventually Anon let out a little whistle to get their attention once he was done watching the show, catching both mare’s attention easily. Celestia pulled her tongue out of her sister’s demanding mouth, a thin white line connecting their lips. Both Princess flicked their tongues out to catch the last little bit of Anon’s cum that they could as he chuckled with the most true and genuine emotion he’d felt in so long:

Schadenfreude.

Both Princesses could feel something emanating from Anon, but Luna was the first to recover. She was also the first one to slip in her own juices and get both a taste and a snoutful of her, Celestia, and Anon. “Urgh~! What-? What in the BLAZES!?”

She skittered to her hooves as the sound of her subjects coming to her aid sounded behind her. She hastily cleaned up the puddle that she was lying in, but nothing was going to purge the scent of her and her sister’s raw arousal from the air. A brave, brave soul asked, “Pr-Princess?”

Luna glared him down, the fury in her gaze making the stallion wet himself on the spot, along with some of the staff members that were standing too close to him. After all, Celestia was known to disappear ponies who knew too much, and Luna…? Nopony ever knew what happened to the Ponies who crossed Luna. Even as half of her body could have passed for brick red, making her a perfect candidate for urban stealth missions, not a pony in the room dared say a damn. Thing.”

Not a Pony, that is. “That was fuck-ing-”

Luna blew a hole in the wall behind Anon’s head, pelting the back of his pate with plaster and pebbles. “Thou were saying something, we doth believe?”

Anon barked out a laugh. “The fuck I was. Moment’s passed.”

She nodded, her blush receding. Luna turned back to start giving orders as every pony that wasn’t an Alicorn in the room dropped as so many stones in the river. Luna looked at the offending stoner and said, “Mindwipe?”

“Everyone.” Celestia glared at Anon.

He met her gaze and gave her a peaceful smile. Gentle, but full of sorrow as many of his true smiles were. In the moment, Anon decided to listen to Dessie’s advice and let the emotions he generally swallowed surface for a moment. “... Haven’t we done that enough?”

Luna nodded. “One more time won’t hurt.”

“... It actually might.” Her sister countered. “And… We’re the ones who fell into his… flavors~” Celestia moaned, the clarity of embarrassment fading for a moment, the cum in her belly tickling her womb in just the right way.

The Lunar Diarch knew exactly how she felt since her own loins were already flooding with more moisture, her legendarily steadfast willpower draining as the pressure of being in private with no more prying eyes looking upon her as her body surrendered to one of the last gifts The Lord ever gave Humans to hold over the alien races: Opioid Cum. Special Flavors was another, but it was the cum that had Luna and Celestia licking their lips all over again. Anon didn’t even need to follow the plan he’d just come up with, but he did need to get Dessie to stop bitching inside of his brain.

“Alright ladies, here’s what we’re going to do,” Anon said grinning. “If either of you want more, then I don’t want any trouble over this. I was kidding. You just raped the fuck out of me.” They blinked because they couldn't tell if he was joking. “On top of mind-raping me multiple times, I’d say you two don’t need another dose of me right now-”

“Don’t be hasty, now,” Her Royal Majesty Princess-bucking-Celestia said quickly, “Losing our favor would mean-”

“I can stop myself from spilling a drop. It’s not hard. Even if you want to rape me again, all you’re getting out of it is the chocolate part. I assume the sauce is better.”

Luna ground her teeth. “If we can force thou to live we can force thee to breed.”

“Here and now.” Anon smirked. “I want to see you muzzle-deep in your sister before I even think about doing you that little favor.”

The Lunar Diarch looked at the Solar Diarch. The Solar looked to the Lunar.

“One condition,” Luna started,

“And only one, for fairness sake.” Celestia raised her chin.

Anon lifted a brow. “You want some too?”

“Variety is the spice of life after all~” The White Princess of the Sun, Symbol of Purity across the lands, crooned like a mare freshly into Spring Estrus.

Luna glared at her. “Sister! Remember thy place!”

The elder stared at the younger. “I haven’t felt this damn good since we bumped Fleur de Sel! Even then that buzz wasn’t this good!”

Her more streetwise sister sighed. “Thou never tell thy dealer thine addiction.”

“We’re Princesses practically begging to fuck him.”

“She’s got a point, you know,” Anon chimed in, stroking himself casually as the sisters argued.

Celestia gave him a look. “Why don’t you do me first? Don’t you like your women with a little flank to throw around?”

Luna glared at her. “Of course he prefers a slim, toned mare with a flank fit for-” Anon reached over and grabbed it as she said, “gazing upon!”

He felt some of the dew from her earlier arousal, finding it to be much thicker and stickier than a Human woman’s love juices. When he gave his fingers a suckle for the fuckles of it, he found that Luna tasted like blueberry pie with homemade vanilla ice cream on top. The Princess he was tasting stared at him, her inner indignation warring with the heat raging on in her sex. Primal lust as well as the desire to get another taste of the delicious Human struck her in the nose, slamming her in the nether regions. She carefully twisted to try for another mouthful of who Anon really was, but he pushed her snout away and got off the bed.

“You’re getting greedy, pet.” Anon taunted.

Luna glared at him with a certain fire in her eyes that spelled out ‘HATE FUCK’ in big, bold letters. “You’re getting cocky,” She purred.

“Fuckin’- I’m boning Celestia first,” He announced.

“Yes!”

“Confound it!”

Anon crawled over the bed and Celestia eager swept her tail to the side, both cheeks of her flank looking more than grabbable to Anon, though they seemed to be more fat than anything to her sister. While Luna glared on in jealousy as Anon beamed at Celestia’s sex instead of hers, the Human rubbed the tip of his rdb between Celestia’s full, beautiful lips. The Lunar Diarch grew antsy as she saw that the teasing was going to continue, both she and her sister eager for the real party to start. As Celestia tried, backing into Anon, he squeezed her flank and earned a moan for the action.

“Whatcha doooin’, Celly?” He asked innocuously.

Celestia turned a pouty eye to him. “Don’t make me beg~”

“How do you feel about getting a taste of blueberry-”

Luna skittered away from her side of the bed and Celestia met her sister’s flank, and yes, it was her flank, with an urgent tongue that felt all too similar to a big, hot noodle. The Lunar Diarch wasn’t exactly what one would call a ‘fan’ of anal, but she was what you would call a ‘complete and total anal cumdump’, if that paints a better picture. She and Celestia had experimented plenty in their first few centuries and had formed a lasting bond throughout the years when estrus ran long, so the elder sister knew exactly how to worm her way into her sweet little whorsie’s plot for maximum pleasure.

Anon, however, could only tell that Celestia’s face was buried between Luna’s cheeks and that the younger sibling had started panting lightly within a few seconds of her sister’s efforts. Not one to be outdone, Anon repositioned his hands on Celestia’s flank and spread her entrance wide open for his personal use,the tip of his head being swallowed easily by the Princesses marehood. Unlike any woman he’;d had before, Celestia’s walls were nearly hot to the point of being uncomfortable, but it was a certain kind of heat that made Anon feel blessed like never before. In just a few seconds, he went from soaking in the moment to having his socks soaked by Celestia, not even ten humps into trying to reach the mountain top.

While he couldn’t tell if Ponies were just good at lubrication or what, he decided to try Celestia’s honey as well and found that she tasted a lot like buttercream frosting. She was quite delicious, so Anon fervently searched for her clitoris and grabbed a cup from the nightstand nearby. As Celestia gave Anon a steady trickle of her juices, her tried to continue thrusting, but his attention was honestly more on the horse-juice. It was that damn good. Once the glass was half full and Anon was feeling as optimistic as he ever got, he decided to brass-balls his way into Celestia’s plot with a well lubricated soldier leading the way into her grey rosebud.

The second his tip popped into Celestia’s flank, she nearly bit her own tongue, cumming hard from the alien’s crazy penis. She didn’t understand why having her marehood numbed felt so good, but she understood that she was cumming like mad for a man with a girth worthy of a bashful apology on his part. At least, to a fucking Alicorn he wasn’t much. It wasn’t the depth or the width of his member that made her mind go blank, satisfying her to the core. It most certainly wasn’t his technique, either. It was Magic Dick, as Celestia knew it, and she’d fallen prey to it. The Princess cared as little as was conceivably possible when Anon sprayed deep in her plot, the numbing potion that was his seed worming its way up into her stomach before whiting her mind out completely.

Celestia convulsed in the throes of consecutive, increasingly violent orgasms, her voice filling the Sick Bay to the point where Anon and Luna both covered their ears. Eventually she stopped moaning and shrieking, but she never stopped smiling or shaking as the former cowboy took up an old trade and rode the bucking Pony for all she was worth. Taking into account that he’d been unconscious for a day and some change, Anon had an unusual amount of semen to share with his new lovers. In fact, he and Luna took the time to gape at the quarter-cup the remaining Princess had collected. Celestia’s flank was still high in the air, so Anon started devouring her flower before Luna cleared her throat loudly.

Anon looked at her expectantly. “Yes?”

She looked at the cum dripping off of his face and pointed at Celestia.. “Do that to us.”

“We don’t even know if she-”

“The last time she came that hard, she broke our jaw.”

“Mmm~ You wouldn’t mind cleaning me off before you clean her up then, right?”

Luna smirked. “Finally, thou speaketh sense.”

She approached with her plot swaying, her half lidded gaze doing nothing for Anon. They both knew that she would happily honeypot herself if he didn’t give her what she wanted, but they were both also aware of the fact that it just wouldn’t be as fun. It was by a mutual agreeance and a certain dislike of each other that they came to an understanding without saying a word. Luna just wanted to get a high and Anon just wanted to demean her. The Princess’ pride had fallen before the American’s and in the moment, she didn’t care. When she was licking her sisters juices off of him, she didn’t care. When she was plunging his pole into her mouth, swirling her tongue under the tip to get every last drop, she didn’t care. All the mare wanted was another taste of the sweet, sweet ecstasy her sister had gotten, and when she finished cleaning Anon off, she got to drink her reward and even go spelunking for more in her sister’s formerly forbidden hole.

Luna was aware of Celestia’s general dislike of anal, or rather, the rareness of the occasion that she was in the mood for it, so she tailored her approach to her sister’s plot accordingly. However, as she teased the entrance of her sister’s no-no hole, Luna considered that Celestia had probably just let Anon ram his cock in there without saying a damned thing other than screaming into her quim. While it had felt like a better version of the ever-loved Hummer, it had also been loud. And in her vagina. As with the many things wrong with the situation she found herself in, Luna simply forgot to give a shit about anything other than getting Anon to buck her senseless, which she realized he wasn’t doing a few minutes after she’d already thoroughly purged Celestia of his seed.

When she turned to look at him, she saw him standing with his erection prominently hanging forth and his arms crossed, looking far too amused. “Thine end of the bargain?”

Anon patted the uncomfortable bed. “Hop up.”

Luna glared at him and licked Celestia’s and his own cum off of her lips, blushing as she presented her flank to him for use and abuse. “Thou may begin at any time.”

The Human had other plans. Instead of taking Luna doggy- Er, Ponystyle, he rolled her over onto her back and exposed her teats, making her blush ever brighter in the luminent lights of the Sick Bay. “How about doing it like this?”

Luna glared up at him with much vengeance and fuuurious angah. “Buck up or shut up.”

Anon placed his rod between her teats and pressed them together, making Luna blush just a little harder as his fingers tested her sensitive nipples. “I’m bucking.”

“Buck us, not our teats.”

Anon grinned and pressed his member against Luna’s marehood. “I have notoriously bad aim, now-”

“We would prefer it there! Just hurry up!”

The Human rammed his cock in her pussy, then straight into her plot. What he wasn’t expect was that Luna would be considerably harder to penetrate than her sister on both accounts, making both parties grunt in pleasure and a teaspoon of discomfort. Luna had squeezed her eyes tight until the Human’s precious hands worked their non-magical Magic on her, the warmth of his paws seeping into her mammaries. His size was more than adequate for Luna since she wasn’t fond of seeing her stomach bulge, and she was a good deal smaller than Celestia anyway. She also knew from lovers long past how to tighten and undulate her muscles; a skill she showcased to Anon when he pinched and pulled on both of her teats at the same time.

Luna couldn’t do much other than lie of her back and avoid hurting her wings while the Human turned her mind into mush and staked a claim on her private plot of mare that probably wouldn’t be shaken anytime soon. The feeling of his rod pistoning in and out of her flank was orgasmic, of course, but unlike Celestia she was unused to consecutive orgasms. By the time Anon started spilling pre-cum into Luna’s honeypot, she could barely form the words to tell him to buck her harder. Thrust after thrust rocked Luna’s world as she wondered why she’d gone celibate in the first place if a cock could be so good. If it only took one of a high quality, then there was no point in trying to just take care of oneself, in Luna’s eyes, clouded as they were by raw euphoria.

As all things must, Anon’s time inside Luna came to an end as he came in her end, timing his climax with one of Luna’s many orgasms. The first load of his seed was enough to knock Luna out cold, whiting her mind out into a thoughtless abyss where all she felt was good. It took time, but she eventually came back to her senses after Celestia cast a spell to wake her from the literal coma she was in. As the Princess of the Night awoke from the best sex she’d ever had with the smallest dick she’d sucked since becoming an Alicorn, she looked around with a happy, bleary smile on her face.

Celestia prodded her from the side of the bed, Luna herself being splayed across it in a very unnatural position for a Pony. “Luna?”

“Heeey~!”

“Sister, I’ve wiped our servants’ minds. They’ll awake within ten minutes.”

Luna blinked. “Shit! Where’s Cum-Fount? Er, we mean Anon?”

“We sent him off to go eat apples and zinc supplements. Can you stand?”

Luna turned her head and saw that her sister wasn’t exactly standing herself. “Canst thou?”

“Pony-Sutra it is.”

Author's Note

And here we have another chapter of some shit. Lemme know whatcha think.