Did you know that zombies suck? No, seriously, my story starts with zombies offering empirical truth they suck. I was crouched behind a desk, as a small horde beat on the door behind me. It was loud. I know that's hardly me being a wordsmith, but I'm not normally a writer. Normally I'm a bad ass bitch, but with m y recent job change that's been a bit harder. I opened my backpack and dug around for a minute. I pulled out a key part, and at least three ribbons before finding a small pistol. Technically I think it was from a few years after I currently was, but dimension hopping makes time a bit less linear. It was a revolver. A Mateba 6, which was about as subtle as a drop kick from Hulk Hogan, but it was also the first gun I could grab. I peeked the corner. I had maybe three minutes, four if the door was reinforced. Or as long as I needed if God loved me. Yeah, right.

I pulled out a pocket watch. It was a simple brass thing, that couldn't tell time. Instead it had a much grander purpose. As I inspected the face an imp waved at me behind the glass. He was a small red and black things. All horns and teeth if you get my meaning. I waved back. "How long little buddy?" The imp thought for a moment, before gesturing wildly. That didn't help at all. I shook my head. "Okay, if it's less than three minutes than nod." He nodded. Good, I liked when my pet demons listened. I stood up and decided that my worries might be over. At least until I looked up and saw a skylight. With a zombie on it. Because my days are too easy right before I leave.

I brought the pistol up to the skylight and fired once. The window shattered, and the zombie fell. Crashing to the floor. I kept the pistol trained on it for a moment, but after a few seconds I decided it was dead. That was when I made mistake number one. I walked up to the corpse. Keeping the pistol to my side, I poked the zombie. The zombie too k exception to this, and lunged forward, grabbing my hand. Almost exactly like a god damned zombie. I know, expected, but at the same time I was tired. I make bad life choices when I'm sleepy. I screamed and fell on my ass. The zombie began crawling towards me, teeth baring towards my legs. I crawled back, aiming a few desperate kicks at the zombie. I would like to say I kicked him off, escaped, and partied on the beach for my entire life. In actuality I felt my leg pull into a solid white hole. As I tried to back away from the zombie the hole sucked me in. Which basically ended in me sliding towards the hole while scrambling on the ground like a demented crab. However the zombie let go when in my scrambling, a kicked it in the neck. I felt something give, while the zombie recoiled. I then did the only logical thing I could, and dived into the hole.

***

Okay, so let's sum up why I did that. So for the past while I've been jumping. Not like up and down, though that isn't uncommon. When I say jumping I mean hopping across the thin and frayed fabric of reality and ending up in new and exciting places. Normally places that are fictional universes I've heard of, but I got used to that pretty fast. Some mage I met explained it was something to due with familiarity, I just chocked it up to a divine being fucking with me and moved on. It wouldn't be unusual at his point. Anyways when I went to a world on a turtles back (I know, don't question it) a surprisingly nice wizard made me am imp powered watch that told me when I would jump. He did it all for the chance for me to teach him how I did magic, which was apparently weird for that world. He called it a "Gross misuse of thaumatergic energies and with all the finesse of our librarian with a banana." which I gathered meant I treated the fundamental fires of creation with all the care and finesse of a sledgehammer. Doubly so when I accounted for the fact their librarian was an orangutan. But that's how I was taught, so no worries.

Also I guess I should describe myself. My name changes a lot, but I normally call myself Draitha, at least in my head. I was a young woman, now I don't know what I am. I guess I'm still a young woman, but humans don't jump through dimensions or get to use magic. I was about six feet tall, and used to love reading and movies. Now I enjoy not dying. While that may not be much of a hobby, but for me it offered many opportunities at exercise and new challenges. Plus I didn't have a choice. I have brown hair that I keep to my shoulders, and I normally wear glasses. Though I don't really need them anymore. I have a massive collection of bad habits, and smoke like a chimney when stressed. Past that, well life has been interesting.

Long story short, white hole means new game, and an escape from a normally very close call. It also meant I was about to have a fun trip. I had jumped through the hole, and was assaulted with windows. Each one showing a different world, showing so much information my brain couldn't keep up. I saw flashes of wars never ending, demons screaming damnation, and a small child spinning a top. Then the sound came in. Have you ever turned on a tv for background noise? Of course, everyone has. Well imagine if you did that in a building made of speakers, with each speaker playing different sounds at different volumes. If you imagined nothing but pain, then yeah, you win. I held my hands to my ears and tried to ignore it, but mostly I just groaned. At least nothing tried to grab me this time. I felt my feet softly impact the ground as the noise faded into nothing.

That meant I was in a new little place, and that I really needed a drink. I counted under my breath for ten seconds. Giving myself time to adjust to whatever would happen when I opened my eyes. I took a deep breath in and opened my eyes. I was in an alley. Normally this was my favorite wake up spot. Secluded, quiet, and above all else, I normally had an escape route. This time was different. This time there was a small horse with me. One that was staring at me like... well like I had just fallen through a small hole in reality with my eyes closed and hands clasped around my ears. Honestly the fear in it's eyes was totally understandable.

Okay, so there was a new species in front of me, there was a fair chance it was sentient, and I was first contact. I had options, and diplomacy was the first one on the table. I looked it over. White fur, blue mane. It looked like it took time in it's appearance, and had earrings. They were small, elegant even. I glanced at it's eyes and remembered to avoid them. When my sensei had taught me magic he said to avoid eyes, something about souls and windows. I had never tested it. Okay, diplomacy time. I crouched down in a squat, the horse came to my stomach, and at a squat we were level. I held out a hand and spoke. "I will not eat you."

CRASH!

And this is why I don't do diplomacy. Most problems I solve have gout's of fire or bullets involved. Normally fire if possible, but half the time big magic is off the menu. Anyways the white horse fainted. I looked at the sprawled form, noticing the three gem tattoo on it's flank. I sighed. "So one unconscious horse later and I'm still lost. Where the hell am I." I peeked out of the alley, and saw a children's fantasy had thrown up all over this world. Pastel and neon everywhere, walking ponies, and fucking giant tree buildings. "Oh, I'm in cartoon hell. Alrighty then." I ducked back into the alley fully and looked at my new friend. Who was slowly waking up.

I looked around before lying down beside it. After I saw the eyelids flutter I waited. The horse stood up and stared at me. "Oh, so that wasn't a dream."

I nodded. "Nope, sorry for the scare." That was apparently the wrong thing to say as she froze again. To be fair I don't think there was a correct thing to say. I quickly showed my hands. "Look, no weapons, I'm just lost. Please don't faint again."

The pony's freeze paused, and she raised a hoof to her mouth. "Your right of course. Falling again might horribly mess up my mane. And I just got it right." She smiled at me. "Though you could use a makeover dear. That outfit is just so plain." I couldn't really be offended, solid olive fatigues were hardly interesting. "I wonder if I could make something like...."

She began mumbling about different fabrics. I let her, I may have all the social grace of a small nuclear warhead, but even I knew a weird situation would make you default to something familiar. After a few minutes of chattering she looked back at me sheepishly. I talked before she could try and rant about fashion again. "All I want is a library." My stomach grumbled. "And food, a lot of food. Gods my last trip had like, none."

The horse stared at me. "Well I am Rarity, and I think I can fix all your troubles. Follow me please." With that she turned to the building beside me. Which was a carousel. Don't ask, I have no answers. This whole world is fucking crazy. She opened a small door that I ducked through behind her. The roof was high enough that I didn't hit my head. It was a near thing though. I looked around. I was in a dress shop. Or at least a clothing store. I saw half finished outfits on small horse mannequins, and a few finished ones near blackboards with numbers and sketches on them. Rarity turned and flashed me another winning smile. "Now, before I can get somepony to help you I need a name. I can't exactly call you an it and be okay with it. Why, the thought alone is unbearable." Ha, pony. No longer must I call these pastel crimes against camo horses.

This was the first challenge. I hated going by my name, it was dangerous. Names had power. Even if I mostly used a pseudonym, I had used it enough that it still had power. I shrugged. "Dunno, I've gone by so many I couldn't tell you. Just throw a name at me and I'll take it."

Rarity paused at that, before vehemently shaking her head. "No, that won't do at all. A creature like yourself must have a name. Come on now." At this she walked up and hit me with the most effective puppy dog eyes I had ever seen. Before she said one word. "Please?"

Goddamn magic words. "Fine. Draitha." Rarity looked at me confused. "I'm Draitha. It's what I go by the most anyways." I saw a couch. I walked up to it and flopped down. "I guess it will do at least. And please don't ask for my true name, it's... well it's private."

Rarity nodded. "Of course, a mare must keep her secrets." I paused, and stared. Okay, mare meant girl, so she knew I was a girl. She sounded like this was a joke, so she was a mare. Now the obvious question, how? I couldn't tell gender of new species easily, and despite my more, erm, obvious feature, my fatigues didn't exactly compliment my figure. Rarity seemed to see my questions. "Dear, if I couldn't mark you as a mare from your walking alone I would barely be a lady. A lady must always know who she is talking to."

I shrugged. It wasn't the most outlandish thing I had heard. I looked at her. "Yeah, uhh, you need anything else? I could pick up this place or something if you needed some help." I hated debts, worked with the fae a few to many times. Well only once, but it teaches a lesson quick. And it was at least eight more times than I wanted to work with them anyways.

Rarity paused and shook her head. "I could never accept help from somepony in such need as you. No, if you could find the time to stand on the podium over there in a bit though, I would be most appreciative." I nodded and tried to get up before a hoof to the chest stopped me. It was surprisingly hard. "Not now you. I have to go grab a friend who can give you a helping hoof." I managed to hide my laugh. Pony puns, I loved it. Rarity didn't seem to notice. "But you get to sit down and relax, don't think I haven't seen that gash on your hand. When you do get up you'll find some cupcakes in the kitchen down the hall."

I managed to hide my shock as she grabbed a few things and gave me a few rules. Mostly stay in this room, and don't mess with her sister if she came home. I stayed sitting for as long as it took for me to be fairly sure she was gone and flipped out my pocket watch. I glanced at the imp who gave me a thumbs up. He was an ugly little thing, but he was so sweet. "Hey bud, how long?" He looked around the watch for a moment before pulling a small piece of paper from out of view and writing down. He flipped it to me. All it said was A really long time. I sighed, if he didn't even have a year marker it must have been over ten years. That was the highest he could count and he normally rounded to the nearest thing he knew. So, long stay. The longest before this had been four years. Granted Chicago was nice, but I think I was done with it by the time I left. Plus that was where the fae were probably still looking for me.

I stood up, making my way to the pedestal. As I stood on it I had a nightmare come to life. All the tailor's equipment came to life, and started measuring me. I felt tools whirl around me in a Kansas level tornado. I really wanted to scream, but I saw scissors in the corner that I didn't want to wake up. I took a moment to calm down, and watched that fail horribly. Okay, list time. What? When I get stressed I make lists. So, magic was real here. That meant I get my own magic. Cool. Two, sentient ponies, that was weird, but not horrible. Three, magic tailors are scary. There, a full list that had only one useful fact. Great.

I watched the tools slow down, before a piece chalk wrote down numbers that I assumed were my measurements, and the rest of the tools dropped into their little homes. Okay, not dead, good start. I pulled my bag off my shoulders. and pulled open the top flap. I stared at the ever-widening hole that was an infinity sack. it was honestly my most prized tool. One thing from every world, a living scrapbook. I reached in and thought of my wizard gear, before pulling out an over the shoulder bag. Inside it was a collection of jewelry, and a hat. It was a beanie, custom made by yours truly. The stitching itself was in a runic design, with magic flowing through it. Granted it didn't do much besides a small high speed force-field for catching bullets, and ear protection, and a hearing enhancer. Okay maybe it did a lot more than I gave it credit for.

I put on all the jewelry, which amounted to a ton of cheap copper and silver rings, and a single gold band. By the end of it I had a ring on each finger, and my thumbs mercifully bare. I opened another pocket and smiled. The last piece was an old charm bracelet. Sensei said my shield charms had to make me think of protectors, and barely questioned my choice of various different charms from my pack. It was a great gift. I channeled some energy into a ring, and felt it automatically channel into my open wound. I grimaced as I felt the skin knit back together into it's healthy shape. But at the end my hand was fine, not even a scar was left. I tossed the beanie up in my other hand and put it on, before glancing at myself in a mirror.

I was still wearing my GI Joe stuff, and the beanie looked stupid with it, but I still felt like a total tool. I started diving back into my pack. I paused as my stomach rumbled again. Okay, new priorities. Food, then clothing. I peeked out of the back room, and saw that the coast was clear. With only a small amount of exploration I found a kitchen, with a lone cupcake on the table. I picked it up with all the reverence such a holy treat deserved. I slowly unwrapped the bottom, and took a lone, delicate bite. I don't think I could properly explain the orgasmic state the baked good put me in from a single bite, but the rest of the cupcake was sacrificed to make the feeling stretch. I let out a breath and smiled. "Oh yeah, I owe this girl big time."

I made it back to the back room, and resumed my mission. I dived into my pack, looking through all my clothes in the makeshift void of magical hammer space. My search was interrupted as I heard a crash behind me. I normally would have turned to look at it, but I was waist deep in a knee high blue bag. As I pulled myself out I heard a voice behind me. "No way, no way can that thing fit in there. Oh, Celestia is gonna have so many questions. I bet Discord did this, one last prank before we sealed his happy butt in stone." I fully retreated, and look at that, a lavender unicorn. After talking ponies this didn't phase me. I was holding my bags prize in my hand. The unicorn stared. "Oh, it did fit." There was a pause as she stared, and then a glow enveloped my bag, pulling it towards the unicorn. "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!"

Now, I'm super protective of very few things. My bag is one. I dived across the room, tackling my bag to the floor. I reached for my Mateba, and felt an empty pocket. Shit. It was still in zombie world. I looked at the unicorn. "Nobody. Touches. The. Bag."

The unicorn stared at me. Then at the bag. Then back to me. "So it really can speak..." I nodded and opened the bag. I reached in, dropping off the clothes. I then thought of a weapon. That wasn't specific enough, and I felt a wall of metal and hard edges. I took a few deep breaths, and thought specifically. Defensive, quiet, pistol or blade. I felt fewer objects before feeling a smooth grip. I smiled and pulled out a pistol. A custom R51. A normally shitty pistol, but it looked cool. It was already in a holster, which I clipped to my belt. I drew the pistol and kept it by my side. The unicorn stared some more. "Okay. I'm Twilight Sparkle. Uhm, sorry about the bag."

I nodded, keeping the pistol in my hand. "Yeah, just don't mess with it. It's... kind of important to me. Anyways I'm going to assume Rarity sent you."

Twilight nodded. "Yes, she told me a strange thing named Draitha popped up looking dreadful and needing information. Then she fainted on my couch and said she'd drop by in a moment." I looked at her. Purple looking hair, pink streak, and lots of words. Yeah, weird. Moving on. I sat back down on the couch and checked over the pistol. After a moment of silence Twilight spoke. "So, uhm, what are you?"

I smiled. It must have been scary, because Twilight backed away as I stood. I debated giving her a quiet answer, but wizards are allowed to be scary mysteries sometimes. I stood tall, gun in one hand as I hoisted my bag over my shoulder. "I am the Nightingale, the speaker of Sithis. I am the Lone Wanderer, and the sole survivor." I stood as tall as possible, and channeled energy into my rings and hat, giving them a large glowing field. "I am a wielder of the fires of creation. There is no creature like me in all the realms. Though you, you may know me as Draitha, the wanderer." As I said the last bit I fell to my knee and held a hand out to her. Yeah, I'm a total nerd, live with it.

Twilight tapped it, which I assumed was a handshake and I stood up. Twilight looked mildly annoyed at me. "None of that answered my questions." She stomped a hoof on the floor. Adorable.

I smirked. "I'm a wizard, I can be as mysterious as I want. Especially when someone tries to take my bag." I stuck out my tongue. I was a mature adult, and no one who debated that fact was around to prove me wrong. Twilight got no opinion as she was a pony.

Twilight seemed to blush a bit before before trying to straighten her mane with a hoof. "Uhm, yeah. I guess I got a bit excited. Anyways I was told to take you to the library. I don't think a pleasant walk would end well though. The town can be kind of... skittish."

I nodded. "So whats the plan? Flying, tunneling? Oh, I really like the idea of actually sneak-" And then my insides felt like I just turned into a black hole. My vision went black as I felt myself turn into pure energy. I then saw colors. So many colors. I was also throwing up. I held myself up with my knees before I heard a voice. "Dear, you did warn her of the teleport. Right?"

I heard Twilight. "Ehehe, whoops?" Gods I could feel the blush. Then I collapsed on the floor.

Author's Note

So chapter one is up, and I'm already working on chapter two. I've been in a huge slump, so hopefully this is what I need to break out. Feel free to comment. I love feedback, and friends. If anyone wants to give me a hand writing I'd love having fresh eyes on my stuff. Aight, deuses. I honestly have no clue how to spell that. Crap, to late now. Roll with it.