The Adventures of Mr. Cake: Red Velvet Hoofprints

This is Agent D. Hooves here, giving you your third document on Mr. Cake's mission operation, "Red Velvet Hoofprints." I hope that last document gave you a clearer picture of how Mr. Cake got enlisted for the royal guard, because my memory of the story was really vague when I was writing that first document. Oh, and I should mention that he wasn't exactly enlisted right there on the spot. In fact, that would be against the royal guard rules! You're probably a little confused but don't worry, I'll explain more in this document.

This brings me to another thing I said earlier. Remember when I said asked nicely with a little assertiveness? Well, when I said that, I meant asked nicely with a little assertiveness; which was exactly the way I said it, actually. The problem was, nopony in the royal guard really had that kind of personality to have asked Mr. Cake to become a secret guard very nicely with any assertiveness. Oh, but the royal guard always has a few tricks up their sleeves, and they did figure something out in the end. I'd better end this intro before I give anything away, so...

Here's the next installment of these documents! (Now where did I put those muffins?)

Mr. Cake jumped as if somepony had tazered him. Recruited? For the royal guard? It wasn't surprising that he fainted from hearing the news.

After he fainted, Mr. Cake got up in an instant; but instead of getting up at his own shop, Mr. Cake was sitting on a small chair in the middle of a room with grey brick walls. In front of was a metal door, with one royal guard standing on either side of it. What in the name of Celestia was going on? Mr. Cake figured he was probably dreaming, since there was no way that he could simply appear in some random place which was away from Sugarcube Corner.

Just then, the door opened and in trotted that same pony with the white coat and the deep blue mane, and he was still wearing that black uniform and glasses. It was only now that it had registered to Mr. Cake that this stallion was a unicorn pony, only making him appear more intimidating at the thought of him using magic. After giving the signal, the two other guards trotted out the door to stand guard on the other side. After a brief moment, the mysterious pony spoke.

"You probably know why you're here, right?"

Mr. Cake reviewed his memories to try and remember what was going on, when it finally came to him.

"You don't mean... You're recruiting me to work for the royal guard?"

"Well, sort of." The other pony replied, "By recruit, I had pretty much meant giving the opportunity. And it wouldn't just be working for the royal guard, per se."

Mr. Cake was dumbfounded, even speechless. After a moment, he continued with a dry sensation in his mouth, "What would you have me be doing?"

The other pony was clearly thinking of a way to respond, before replying. "Why don't you follow me to another room, and I'll explain it on the way."

The other pony began to leave.

"Wait," Mr. Cake said, "Aren't you going to untie me?"

"Untie you?" The other pony replied, a little surprised.

"Yeah, how can I follow you if I'm..."

Mr. Cake looked down and noticed that he was not, nor ever was tied down to the chair he was sitting in. The other pony cocked an eyebrow above his black shaded glasses.

"Oh, I guess I just kind of figured, y'know, that since I was sitting in a chair in a chamber like this, that I was-"

"Yeeah..." the other pony interrupted.

After a brief awkward moment where both ponies were just staring at each other, Mr. Cake broke the silence.

"So... Should we get going then?"

"Yeah, let's go."

The mysterious pony opened the door, motioning to the guards that everything went well, then motioned for Mr. Cake to follow him.

"You'd better stay close," the mysterious pony said, "it gets pretty dark down here, not to mention that it's practically a maze down here if you're new."

As Mr. Cake followed the mysterious pony, he looked around at his surroundings. It was neat and well carved in the chamber he was just in a moment ago, but now he was trotting through old passageways with worn bricks. Every once and a while, some crystal shards would decorate the ceiling. After trotting through some winding passages, the tunnel opened up to a vast cave-like room, characterized by a long narrow bridge which lay just ahead of him. on the walls, many faded murals of equestria's past added an especially antique-like feel to the room. While Mr. Cake followed the mysterious pony across the bridge, he looked down over the side of the bridge to see what was hidden below, catching a glimpse of a long drop leading to a whole other place where crystals reflected light from all directions. Noticing that he was beginning to feel wobbly from the height, Mr. Cake stood upright again, fear preventing him from looking down.

"Impressive, isn't it?" the mysterious pony said, "this room has been the foyer of the royal guard for as long as I can remember. A lot of memories are here, captured in the murals on the walls and from my own memories of well."

The mysterious pony turned and looked at Mr. Cake.

"It was here that I decided that I wanted to become one of the royal guard," he chuckled, "and now I'm the captain of the guard, can you believe that?"

Mr. Cake nervously smiled and nodded, "Yeah, pretty out there."

With a small smile on his face, the mysterious pony continued to trot along the bridge until he and Mr. Cake arrived at the other side. A wall with the emblem of the equestrian royal guard (which is top secret by the way, I can't show or explain to you what the emblem of the royal guard is. Wait, you're an informant, so I can tell you! Geez, you almost had me there.). To Mr. Cake, the emblem appeared to be a solar eclipse, with one star to the left of it and one star to the right.

"Alright," the mysterious pony said, "you're not actually a part of the royal guard yet, so I can't have you seeing how the next part of our little trip is accomplished."

"Does that mean you'll give me a blindfold, or a potato sack, or-"

Without warning, the mysterious pony caused a bright flash to appear from his horn.

"Gah!" Mr. Cake exclaimed, practically blinded by the light, "What was that about?"

For a moment the other pony didn't answer, but then replied, "to keep you from seeing how to get in."

"Get in where?"

The other pony sighed. "Wait a moment and your vision will come back, then you'll see where."

Mr. Cake blinked several times, seeing stars and black spots everywhere, until everything came back into focus. Amazingly, the mural with the royal guard emblem had disappeared. In its place was a small metal room with a light radiating from its ceiling. The mysterious pony motioned for him to follow him inside, and Mr. Cake slowly and nervously trotted inside. The moment both of the ponies were in the room, the opening leading into the vast foyer closed, leaving the two ponies in the small metal room. Not long after, the room began to hum, and Mr. Cake began to strangely feel weightless.

"Feels weird for the first time, huh?" the mysterious pony asked, "it felt that way for me the first time I used this elevator."

Mr. Cake responded, "Heh, yeah, it feels pretty... wait, what?"

The other pony looked at him with that cocked eyebrow for the second time, then had a surprised look on his face.

"Wait, you've never used an elevator before, what was I thinking. This room is actually moving down, right now. That's what makes it an elevator, it... elevates you."

"So we are moving down, right now?"

"Yep."

"Straight down?"

"You got it."

"Oh good sweet cupcakes." Mr. Cake said, imagining himself plummeting downwards in a small metal box.

"Don't worry, it's completely safe."

"But this room must be moving because of magic, which means that somepony must be moving it. Couldn't whoever that pony is make a mistake?"

The mysterious pony appeared as if he was trying to find a way to answer Mr. Cake's question, then answered.

"This, 'elevator', isn't exactly using... Magic."

Mr. Cake found himself confused, "So it's using a pulley system?"

The other pony still looked concerned with the topic. "No... Not a pulley system."

"Then how in the name of Equestria is it doing anything?"

"Well... It's probably alright to tell you given the circumstances... This room is moving by an element known to the royal guard as electricity."

"Electricity?"

"Oh Celestia, how do I explain this,"the mysterious pony said, "when you think of electricity, think of energy that can be harnessed at will - which is not magic. Nopony else in Equestria uses electric technology but the upper class ranks of the royal guard, for security reasons."

"So you're telling me there's another element of energy which can be harnessed other than magic?"

"Yes," the mysterious pony said, "but instead of needing to be caused to happen, electricity can work completely independently of anything harnessing it. It's useful when we don't want to be using magic all the time."

Mr. Cake tried to take all of this in, hearing the low hum in the room and the weightless feeling in his legs, which he was now getting used to.

"Anyway, did you have any questions for me back in the other room which you still want to ask?"

Mr. Cake looked confusedly at the other pony, then remembered, "Yeah, who are you anyway?"

"I would be Captain Shining Armor, to you." the other pony said.

"And where are we?"

"We were just in the dungeons beneath Princess Celestia and Luna's castle. Right now, we're passing through the crystal mines that go even deeper into the mountain beside canterlot, and when we finally reach our destination, we will be at the royal guard's wing."

"The royal guard's wing? Wouldn't that be in the castle?"

"It is. You'd be surprised how deep the royal castle actually extends underground. The part of the castle you see in canterlot is reserved for the duties of the Princesses. But the part that extends deeper underground..."

The elevator came to a stop and had its doors open before Shining Armor finished.

"...Is reserved for the duties of the royal guard."

Shining Armor trotted out of the elevator, and now Mr. Cake instinctively began to follow him. Stepping out of the elevator into yet another hallway, Mr. Cake could see that the royal guard's wing was very different from the dungeons they had recently been through. The walls, ceiling, and floor all seemed to be made of metal. Strangely, some small parts of the ceiling were made of a pane of glass with a small glowing sphere behind them. After trotting through some of the hallways, Shining Armor led Mr. Cake into square room, again with the chair in the middle of it. Two royal guards were already standing beside the door on the inside. Once Shining Armor and Mr. Cake were both in the room, Shining Armor sighed and broke the silence.

"You can sit down if you want after all that trotting. I'll be back a little later, but for now we want to ask something important."

Mr. Cake decided to sit down on the chair while Shining Armor left the room. Soon, two more royal guards trotted in the room, wearing black suits and glasses.

Alright, Agent D. Hooves here once again. I just received a report right in the middle of making this document for you that something really really top secret is going to to come up soon, something so sensitive I can't even share it with you. It's going to be the identity of a mare who will be interacting with Agent C, and she's the pony who the royal guard found to get Mr. Cake to be a secret agent by asking nicely with a little assertiveness. I hope you're not let down, because I'm going to have to censor her name out whenever one of the ponies mention her name for now just to keep this completely secret. I mean, this pony was completely unrelated to us at the time and we didn't want her to get targeted for anything then or even now. But hey, if you read this then you probably will be targeted because our enemies will want to know if you somehow recognized her or not, silly as that sounds. Anyway, back to the document...

"Mr. Cake." said one of the royal guards.

Mr. Cake looked at the guard, and responded with a "Yes?"

"We need to ask you to do something for us."

"What do you need?"

"We need you... To put on these black sunglasses."

The royal guard took out a pair of black sunglasses and gave them to Mr. Cake. Several moments passed.

"So," Mr. Cake continued, "Is that all you wanted to ask me?"

"No." Replied the royal guard, simply.

Mr. Cake couldn't make out what the royal guards were thinking. It appeared as if they were looking at him critically, but he wasn't sure. It was almost intimidating having four royal guards looking right at him practically without emotion.

"I think he should wear a different hat." Said the another royal guard.

"I think you're right." Said the first guard.

And so one of the royal guards removed Mr. Cake's confectioner's hat, which apparently he was still wearing, and replaced it with a wonderbolts baseball cap.

Again, silence.

"That apron and tie are too much." Said a third royal guard.

"I think you're right." Said the first guard.

One of the royal guards proceeded to remove Mr. Cake's apron and tie, replacing them with a shiny, fluffy scarf.

"Where did you get that scarf?" the first guard asked.

"My daughter's high school friend made it for her. Apparently she appreciates fashion."

"I see." said the first guard.

Mr. Cake simply sat there, not sure weather to be intimidated, confused, or anything else. Whatever he really was feeling about this was probably to complicated to describe.

"I'm sorry to ask, but is this all you wanted of me now?" Mr. Cake asked.

"No." said the royal guard.

"As the royal guard, we need to ask you to join us as a secret agent. Do you accept?"

"You mean, I get to decide?"

"Yes."

"Right now?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm just not cut out for this, so I say no."

The other royal guard sighed.

"We need you to say yes."

"Well I say no."

"Say yes."

"No."

"Say it."

"No."

"Aaagh!" the royal guard exclaimed.

"We expected this would happen." mentioned another guard.

"Alright, call in... The mare."

"The mare? Are you sure?" spoke another guard.

"Yes, the mare."

"We could handle this on our own, we don't need to get... her involved!"

"Yes, agent, we do."

Mr. Cake gulped. Who was this "mare"? What was she going to do to force him to say yes?

One of the royal guards left the room to go and get... the mare.

"Look, you guys," Mr. Cake said, with a kind of shaky voice, "I'm just not cut out for this job. I work at a sweet shop for Celestia sakes! The best skill I have is... is... making cake! You don't have to bring in the mare, we can talk this out!"

"I'm afraid it's too late, Mr. Cake." Said one of the guards.

"We need you for a covert mission so dangerous, a well trained secret agent couldn't accomplish it."

One of the royal guards bucked the last guard for saying that, muttering "Don't freak him out yet."

The guard that left returned to the room, "I have her here. Should I send her in? Her identity is protected."

"Yes, let her in." responded one of the royal guards.

Mr. Cake felt cold and clammy, nearly hyperventilating in his chair, and cringing at the door to see what foul spawn of evil would tread through it to force him to say yes to the most ridiculous offer ever made to him in his entire pony life.

Slowly, possibly even menacingly, trotting through the doorway, was a younger, possibly teenage pony with a yellow coat and a pink, wavy mane. She wore a pair of black shades and a suit which effectively hid her cutie mark.

Breaking the silence, she spoke, "Um... The royal guard needs you to join the royal guard and show your loyalty to the princesses, and you absolutely need to say yes... If you're able."

Mr. Cake didn't answer for a moment, then nervously replied, "And what if I say no?"

"Well," The mare said, "they'll really just wait until you say yes, so, sorry."

"What do you mean, wait until I say yes?"

"Well," the mare said, strangely beginning to sound nervous herself, "the royal guard isn't supposed to force ponies to join them. They can only have you join if they have your permission, and, well, they'll just stand around here with you until you do say yes."

"But I don't want to join the royal guard, it's just not for me."

The other pony made a quiet, indiscernable squeak and turned her head to the side.

"You're doing just fine," said one of the guards.

"...Okay." said the yellow pony, then continued, "Mr. sir, you really need to say yes, because otherwise, these guards will just stand here with you in the room until you do."

Mr. Cake threw his hat on the ground, then responded, "I'm not cut out for being a secret agent! I'm just an average stallion who works at a sweet shop!"

After Mr. Cake's exclamation, the yellow pony gasped, "Mr. Ca-"

"Wait wait wait," interrupted one of the guards, "we can explain!"

"Mr. Cake, a secret agent?" Continued the yellow pony.

"Oh mother of celestia, bucking apples, discord's happy world..." muttered a frustrated guard.

"You know me?" Mr. Cake said, bewildered.

"M-Mr. Cake, I'm [censored], of course you know me!"

Mr. Cake sat dumbfounded. "You... You're [censored]?"

[censored] removed her shades, revealing her emerald colored eyes and her unmistakable face, "You see?". After making her identity known, the literature crew was immediately ushered into the corner of the room with royal guards trying to hide [censored] from view.

Of all the ponies in equestria, Mr. Cake would have never believed that the royal guard were using [censored] as a last resort to get him to say yes to all of this. [censored], the mare who lived in a cottage on the outskirts of [location censored], caring for cute woodland animals, and the last pony he ever imagined being involved with the royal guard's secret activities in this situation. So many questions raced through Mr. Cake's mind. If [censored] was helping the royal guard now, doesn't that mean that the royal guard knows they can go to [censored] for help with these things? If so, does that mean this isn't the only time [censored] has helped the royal guard in its secret activities?

"Alright, everypony stay calm, we need everypony to stay calm." ordered one of the guards.

"Nothing to worry about, [censored] is just a pony after all, you don't need to tell this to anypony." said another.

"You're going to trot away with this without sharing this information to anypony, understood?" said a third guard.

Mr. Cake's mind was swirling, as was his entire world of what he thought was considered to be normal. Heck, even [censored] was secretly involved with the royal guard somehow. If even she was involved with them, what would that say about him as a stallion if he refused this offer? Not only would he be stuck in this boring room with these guards until he finally said yes, but he would also be sacrificing his own stallionhood if he would back down where even [censored] dared not back down. Finally, what would Mademoiselle Cheerilee make of all this? What would he tell Mademoiselle Cheerilee if he refused an offer similar to [censored]'s with the royal guard?

Reluctantly, nervously, and knowing he knew better, Mr. Cake broke the pandemonium in the room with three words. "I'll do it."

Agent D. Hooves here, yet again, saying that this pretty much sums up this document. I hope those censors weren't too distracting from the actual meat of the information though! I guess I'm supposed to say that if you somehow recognized the censored pony in this document, that you are not supposed to tell anypony about this. For several reasons. One, it would endanger that pony, two, it would get you kicked out of being an informant and all, and three, it just plain makes you look like a creeper pony if you actually know a pony by their look and personality even though you've never actually met them before, and we wouldn't want you to be seen as a creeper pony!

Anyways, that's all for now. Until next time, recruits!

Stay informed!

• Agent D. Hooves.