The purple and pink alicorn looks up from the stack of books she’s looking through, greeting Anon and the CMC with an odd look. It’s almost enough to even make Rainbow Dash feel creeped out.

Twilight notices the three fillies in the room. “Oh, hello there girls.”

Apple Bloom frees one of her hooves from Anon’s deathgrip. “Hiya Miss Twilight.”

“Girls, would mind explaining to me why there’s a human in my castle?” Twilight asks, curious.

Anon sets down the fillies and walks over to one of crystal thrones and sits down. He puts on as calm a facade as he can muster. To hide his inner fangasming. “Well, Twilight, may I call you that?” She nods. “These three have summoned me from my world using something that belongs to you. Mainly Sweetie Belle here.”

“Wait, hold on a second here. Summoned you using something I own? Unless they found my book on interdimensional teleportation then there’s no possible way tha-”

“Actually, that’s exactly what happened.” Sweetie Belle interjects. “I came by here while you were busy yesterday and took a book I found on the Cutie Map. I was hoping I could return it before you found out. Please don’t be mad at me.”

Twilight’s gaze shifts over to Sweetie Belle, who is currently sweating bullets made of glass. “Oh. Is that so? I guess there wasn’t any harm done, since I can simply send him back home through the mirror Princess Celestia gave me.” Her eye twitches for a moment as she realizes what the marshmallow has said. “Wait, what was it you said you took from me?”

“Uh, the book on the Cutie Map? It had the word ‘Teleportation’ on it, so I assumed it was for teaching how to do it.”

“YOU WHAT?! How can you cast such an advanced spell?! Not only was it advanced, but it was one I was practicing and had yet to master. Th-this is… I don’t… WHAT?!” Twilight starts to hyperventilate rapidly.

Anon on the other hand is remaining calm, even though on the inside he’s laughing uncontrollably at the freaking out Twilight. Seriously, her hair is going wild and one of her eyes is quivering. Twilight is starting to have heat waves float above her head.

Rainbow Dash swiftly glides over to her friend’s side and pats Twilight on the back. “Easy there, egghead. So what if she stole a book? It can’t have been that bad.”

Fucking Rainbow. Is she this clueless? I kind of feel better about hating you now.

Twilight lets out a long sigh and clears her throat, embarrassed from her outburst. Not very princess-like, if you ask me. Then again the prissy purple dwarf doesn’t want to be princess-like but nonetheless she still is a slob. “Easy Twilight, it’s not that bad…”

“I’m really sorry about this. I know I shouldn’t have taken something that doesn’t belong to me, but I had a good reason for it. You keep all the advanced stuff locked up and I wanted to prove I can handle the it. Guess I couldn’t, since I messed up the spell.” Sweetie Belle says depressingly. Poor thing just wanted to impress her senpai. Enjoy the cancer of anime, Anon.

“I.. It’s okay, Sweetie Belle. I forgive you. I’m just upset over what you took, not the fact that you took it. You need to be more careful with magic and train it slowly, like I’ve been trying to do with you. What if you had summoned some sort of monster that our spells had no effect on? Or if something even more dangerous?”

This upset Sweetie Belle even further. How was she to know that she could have doomed all of Equestria in a single day? And why did Twilight have such a dangerous spell book lying around anyway? For someone who used to have a giant ass library, and used to regulate it daily, she can’t keep track of jack shit.

“Yeah, about that. Why did you have such a dangerous book just lying around your castle? Wouldn’t something like that be sealed in a secret room or whatever?” Anon asked curiously. Seriously, it’s like yours truly is the only smart one. Stupid naive horses. Stupid Anon.

Twilight visibly cringed. “Well, like I said. I was practicing with it and… wait, where are my manners? We haven’t even properly introduced each other yet!” She takes a small bow. “I am Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. You can just call me Twilight. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Ugh, that’s so cliche of her to bow. Couldn’t she at least like, say it without bowing? At least you can act more relaxed around her, Nonny-boi.

“My name is Anonymous, but you all may call me Anon. And it is a pleasure to meet you as well, Twilight.”

“What in the hay kind of name is Anonymous?” Apple Bloom buts in like the country hick she is.

Sort of adorable for her to be all country, I will admit that. It’s actually the main character’s name. The writer was too lazy to come up with an actual name for him.

“It’s my name. And I don’t think it matters what my name is. I believe the matter at hand is me adjusting to living here now.” Anon was so overcome with the excitement of being in Equestria that he nearly spills his spaghetti all over. It better be Prego or else I’m making a specific pony ‘Prego’ and it’s child will be yours. Well, technically I’ll get more likes because that’s a fetish. Fucking disgusting.

“What do you mean living here? I have a mirror portal that leads to your world, Anon. I can send you back, if you’ll follow me,” says Twilight.

Well, looks like my job as narrator is done. GG, faggot. You’re getting sent home.

“Actually, I don’t think it’s possible for me to go home through that mirror.”

What are you doing? Stop talking.

“What? Why not? The portal’s existed for Celestia knows how long. Ponies are able to go between here and end up at Canterlot High. I’m sure you’d-”

Anon raises his hand, interrupting the purple nuisance. “That’s what I mean. There isn’t any portal in my world. Especially at some school named Canterlot High. I’m not from whatever world you’re thinking of.”

That ass is toast if you don’t fucking keep your nonexistent mouth shut. I refuse to continue being your narrator for a sub-par fanfiction that is undoubtedly terrible in quality and terrible in original ideas and jokes. Don’t put up, just shut up. Dude, fun fact, it’s just colored humans. Not in that racist way, but literal colored humans. Perfect for you; you’re green. Get in there.

Twilight, intrigued by Anon, thinks to herself. This could be interesting. What she needed was more information. “Girls, I think you should leave Anon and I alone for a moment.”

I’ll fucking make your life hell in Equestria. You liked peeking through Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s window while they gave each other frosty-covered fellatio sessions? Fuck that, I’ll remove it. I’m putting curtains on that shit, now. The invention of apple pie but tolerable for your tastes? Fuck that twice as hard. It’s gonna be sour as fuck, faggot. I narrate in this realm and this realm only for ponies, and they stuck me with you. Get the fuck off my turf.

Anon lowers his voice to where only the narrator can hear it. “Shut up, Narrator. Why are you even fucking here? All you’ve done is berate me and it’s not even been an entire day.”

I’m here to punish you for every story on FiMfiction that has ‘Anon’ as a character. Specifically the bad stories. Aren’t they all bad- wait that’s generalization of an entire demographic. Also, stop swearing around fillies. I’m not censoring you anymore, so they’re going to hear it from now on. And I don’t think the mane six will be happy to hear their sisters talking like sailors. Are there even sailors in this world? Are they actually even intimidating? Do they even have a Davy Jones Locker? I have yet to narrate for a sailing pony.

Sweetie Belle stands and walks closer to Twilight. “But why? We came to return the book and apologize...”

I feel suspicious on what she’s trying to do to excuse herself for staying. They might be going for some secret foalcon orgy somewhere around here. Don’t trust ponies, Anon. They’re lying marshmallows as it is. Specifically Sweetie Belle. She is half marshmallow. Half whiney, too.

Twilight levitates the magic tome towards the Cutie Map, placing the book at the center. “There we go. Now, can you please get going? Anon and I need to discuss a few important things.”

“B-but-”

“No buts, Sweetie Belle. That goes for you too, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo.” Twilight says, clearly annoyed. Keep asking to stay, I’m being entertained. Fuck it.

Not wanting to argue, the three nod and leave the shitstain that is Twilight’s castle. Well Anon, I hope you aren’t going to say what I think you’re going to. Keep racism out of it, I already got enough flak for that one time I accidentally said a mean word to a specific minority and I got my jeans took, my ass penetrated into oblivion and two cocaine hookers asking for fifty bucks at the dead of night in Canada. How the fuck did I even get to Canada? I’m a fucking genderless character in a book. I’m not going to question it.

Ramblings aside, I’m ending the chapter here. Because fuck you for having me write more about you, Anon-fag.

Author's Note

Make sure to peep Argonaut’s fetish story in development. This message is brought to you by the shitpost editor-in-chief himself, Argonaut. And yes I have permission to put this here.