Author's Note

Time once again, my pretties! Hope you enjoy! Until next time, keep on rockin’, ponies!

*Cue Jammin' '80s Rock Song!*

Rainbow Dash led the way the next morning. She led the way . . . kinda south-westerly, sorta. The roads in Ponyville were weird, I dunno.

Anyway, she led me through the streets, which were bustling with activity as ponies from all over gathered around to set up their stalls in the market square and get to work on time. I was a bit surprised at how early Dash had told me to be at the park to meet her. It wasn’t typical of her, in the slightest. I never saw her up and about until nearly noon, most days. Like, ever.

But, she had my ass out of bed, dressed, shaved, showered and ready to face whatever she had in store for me by 05:00hrs, maggot! Her words, not mine. So, here I was, jogging along to keep up as she flew ahead of me. I had no idea where we were going, and I said as much.

“Where in the name of sweet Auntie Hel are you taking me, Dash?”

She looked over her shoulder, and I saw her tail twitch, as though to better cover herself. She was being extra defensive about that sort of stuff, and it was kinda cute and kinda hilarious. I wasn’t gonna hit on someone who wasn’t interested, why would I?

She snorted a breath and turned in midair to face me, crossing her hooves over her chest while she adopted a dominant posture. I could have told her that this exposed her crotch and the breasts that lie within, thus ruining her careful posturing of the morning, but I did not. No need to deflate her balloon, and besides. . . I liked eating solid food too much.

“Listen, dingus, you said it yourself! If you wanna have any hope of surviving Pinkie Pie, then you’re gonna need a lot more than just knowledge. If that was all it took, I’d just plop your ass down in Twilight’s library and let you have at some of her books!” She shook her head, vehemently, rainbow mane flipping around her face as she continued flying backwards, oblivious to how much skill it took to do so.

“No, if you wanna stand any chance, you’re gonna need to get your stamina up. And I know just the way to do it!”

I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

As I asked the question she turned, leading me around a corner and then stopped before a small building with a connected, fenced off yard. Inside, a whole bunch of ponies jogged around a track, while others lifted weights, worked out on machines, or eyeballed one another. A sign above the front door of the building advertised it as the Ponyville Gym.

I turned and looked at Dash, disbelief plain on my face. “Oh, Goddess. . . “

She snorted, smirking at me with a sideways glance. “Just one question. . . . “

No.

Eeyup.

No!

Too laaaate!

Please, don’t. . . .

“. . . . Do you even lift, bro?”

“Shit.”

And let the montage begin!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!

The human jogged around the dirt track, wearing a dark grey tank top, track shorts and sweatbands on his wrists and head. He stared forward with determination burning in his eyes. His Pegasus trainer flew off to the side, shaking her head slowly.

He pumped iron on the bench, grimacing as his bicep bunched under the strain of the heavy dumbbell. A huge Pegasus with tiny little wings on his back stood to the side, counting, while the sky blue one narrowed her eyes thoughtfully.
And awesomely.

He worked his legs on one machine, strain making blood vessels pop on his forehead, his grimace starting to look less feigned now. His trainer stared at the amount of weight he was pushing, and rolled her eyes, sighing.

He did push-ups, the huge Pegasus once again keeping track of how many, while the blue trainer looked on, pursing her lips. The human collapsed in a sweat soaked pile on the ground and the sky blue Pegasus flew over by her fellow winged pony, glancing at the number of push-ups he had written on a sheet. She groaned visibly and face-hoofed.

“Seriously?! Dude! You’ve only been here an hour!”

I lifted my hand, groaning from where I lay, face down, in the dirt. “Fuck. Off. I am not doing this anymore!”

“Fuck you, dude! You asked for my help! Annnd I seem to recall you agreeing to do whatever I said!”

I could feel the smugness of her grin. I lay there for a long moment, trying to think of some way out of this.

I had nothin’.

“Well, fuck me.”

“No thanks, dude. Now get your flabby ass up, we’re gonna have to take off the filly gloves, here.”

He ran around the track, shirtless, carrying the blue Pegasus on his back, mouth open, screaming for oxygen while she goaded him on by lashing his thighs with her tail, which was surprisingly painful.

He lay on a bench, visibly crying as he was forced to lift a barbell, the big white Pegasus standing as his spotter while his trainer hovered over him, holding a small candle in her hoof, which she would occasionally tip, dripping the wax on his chest. (Kinky, I know. ;) )

He worked the leg machine, screaming into the bit in his mouth, while the cyan Pegasus pulled on the reins that were connected to it, swatting his side with a riding crop! (Oh, come one! Hahaha! That doesn’t even make sense! Yes, it does! How?! Because I say it does!)

He sprinted around the track, eyes burning, teeth gritted, as his feet carried him over the ground in a blur.

He pumped TWO barbells at once!

He broke the machine!

He did so many push-ups, the whole gym lost count!!!!

(. . . . Really? Shut up.)

Finally after much pain and agony, he ran up the steps of town hall and jumped into the air, his clenched fists held up high in victory, while his sky blue trainer stood to the side, making punching motions at the air. “Go get ‘em, Rock. Clean ‘is cock! I mean, clock!”

. . . . . I stopped jumping around like an idiot and glared at the author. First of all, bub, we are so getting sued for that. And, secondly, don’t you ever, ever write me in the third person again! Guugghh!! That was weird, like having an out of body experience!

Oh, stop your whining!

Oh, that’s not whining, thi-

Don’t. I mean it, or I’ll write you in third person for the rest of the story!

. . . . . Fine. Let’s get on with this!

Rainbow Dash blinked, looking around for a puzzled moment, then shook her head as though getting rid of an annoying fly. Probably because she was.

I mean it! Third Person!

Okay, okay, jeez.

“What the hay just happened?” She asked, blinking, and I shrugged.

“I think we just had a sports training montage.”

“Oh. Ok, that’s pretty awesome. I think.” She still seemed confused, so I snapped her out of it.

“So, Dash, how do I look?”

She turned and looked at me, and I saw her jaw drop and her eyes go wide, pupils AND irises both dilating down to tiny pinpricks. I blinked, swallowing pretty hard. “Is. . . I-Is it that bad?!” I asked, honestly concerned that I looked like some kind of freak, like that roid-raging Pegasus who worked at the gym.

She closed her mouth and swallowed, eyes going a bit fuzzy. “Wooow. . . “

“Dash? Dash!”

She snapped out of it, shaking her head and cleared her throat. “Uhh, right, uh. . . No, no, it’s not bad. . . It’s. . . really not bad!” She said, that last coming out a bit breathlessly.

I had to see this, so I headed into town hall. I noticed I was getting stared at, more than usual. A secretary tripped over her own hoof, a stallion spilled a cup of coffee onto his crotch, and Mayor Mare slammed face first into a wall, leaving a smear of drool behind her as she slid down it.

I ran into the bathroom, and froze before the mirror.

Oh, by the Nine. . . .

I. . . . I . . . . .

I was freakin’ ripped!

You’re welcome.

. . . . . Nngh. . . .

I’m sorry, what?

Nngh!. . . . Mmm. . . . Thank you. . . .

Pardon, I couldn’t quite make that out.

I said. . . Thank. . . you. . . .

Hmmm? Come again?

I SAID THANK YOU!!!

Hehehe. You are weeelcooome.

Yeesh, ya don’t have to be so smug about it.

Hahahaha.

And so, I stepped out of the town hall a new man, ready to take on the world, and rut a pink pony into a slavering mess! Hel, if I wanted to, I bet I could rut the whole town into a slavering mess! Fortunately, that wasn’t on my to-do list!

I walked over to Rainbow Dash, smirking, and looked at her. “So, what’s next on the to-do list, teach?”

She cleared her throat, looking me up and down and blew out a breath, a slow smile creeping over her face.

A long minute passed. “Dash? Daaashie? Helloooo? Rainbow Dash!”

She snapped out of it again, and laughed a bit manically, then nodded. “Right! That’s the physical part! Now, it’s time for the less fun side. . . .”

“I’m sorry, I must’ve misheard, did you say less fun? Than that?!”

She nodded. “Yep. Now, we get to go into that most dreaded of places. . . .”

I gulped, feeling a chill run down my spine at the look of sincere horror on her face. “W-W-Where’s that?”

She swallowed, hard, and looked me deep in the eyes.

She opened her mouth, taking a hesitant, fearful breath.

And she spoke, two little words.

“. . . . The Library.”

. . . . . . . . Really?