Exposure

Decision

The scenario in which I was in was the best I've ever been in. I had everything I would ever need for, like, ever. I could do anything! I could go exploring! I could see the world! Make friends with the ponies Alex loved so much. Holy crap, if I got on the show, Alex would be SOOO jelly. But really, I had so many ideas for things to do. So I sat down and surfed YouTube. Maybe that would give me ideas...

Wow...

Did you know that when you mix sodium acetate with water, you can make hot ice? Fuck, I get distracted. Well, I got off YouTube. Nadene was fascinated with the concept of video recording, sharing, and playing. For an all of 10 minutes. Then she found Angry Birds. Good God, she's an animal! Not in the way of, she's a cat, derpa herp. I mean, she beat all the levels in 2 hours. Apparently, it was really easy and she was surprised I couldn't do it. Girl had a brain the size of her whole skull... Actually, I hope not. That would warrant serious medical attention. And brain damage. Severe brain damage. Nevertheless, when she beat that final level, high fives was issued. Epic high fives. That rocked the world... Or at least the immediate airspace.  Well, it was around that time that her father up for dinner. This would be interesting. Nadene had mentioned feeding me mush while I was out cold, which almost made me throw my precious stomach acid that I would need to digest dinner out through my mouth/nose!

Then I thought, "Hey! That's in the past, so why the fuck do I care?" Yep. The Lion King taught me that.

So we sat down to a nice veggie stew. Mother of taste-bud explosion! Felt like my mouth had an orgasm and then blew up, only to reconstruct science- I mean itself.  Then it formed a foot and kicked my ass and wrote, "Deliclious" on my forehead. "This... Is the best meal... Ever."

"Oh, stop it. It's nothing, really."

"Well, 'nothing' is the best thing I've ever tasted."

"Well... Thank you." The rest of dinner was spent telling Nadene's father what was "So amazing" about my phone. Ya' know what's "So amazing"? THIS COOKING. You zip it about my phone, this makes me want to puke rainbows and kick ass and chew bubblegum all at once!

After Nadene was done gushing, -and that took an eternity- she ate her lukewarm stew. These cats have incredible dexterity with 4 fingers. Though I suppose pinkie fingers are useless, anyway. I literally haven't used them since I made pinkie promises when I was 6. I find it... Intriguing. I should probably explain. I'm a cat kind of guy. I owned 2 for 14 years. They are my favorite animal next to dragons. Seriously. My favorites list doesn't actually work like a number list. I either like the animal enough or not. Like a VIP room, except they're all invited but they don't give a flying fuck because they're animals. *facepalm* No, in all seriousness, that's how it works. Also, I was taking notes on this shit and a picture or two. If I ever did go back to Earth, scientists would flip the fuck out.

I learned from Nadene that these cat-people (They seriously didn't have a name.) were just like humans... Except.. you know... cats. It was legitimately just like a furry's messed up universe. I mean, I was cool with furries, but... once you discover 4chan? Things are never the same. Except for bronies. I was able to maintain a decent mental hold on them because of Alex... Alex.. Alex. I still had full bars, so... Why not call him? I checked my phone, 3 percent battery. Fuck, gotta hurry! Ringing... ringing... ringing... "Hey Jason, wassup? You okay? I called a few times but-"

"Cool story, Alex- Shut the hell up. I've got either really good or really bad news."

"Yeah? What's up, you alright?"

"Yes and no... I'm... in Equestria."

"Hahahaha! What the fuck? Are you a closet brony fantasizing about nirvana or something?"

"No, dude. I swear! I don't know how long I'll be gone or if I'll ever come back. Discord sent me here and-"

"Are you going crazy because I'm gone?"

"Fuck you, man, I'm not joking! I don't know how much battery time is left and I don't know if I will ever talk to you again. I just want you to know... I love you, man. You were a brother to me and I won't ever forget you. If it helps, Discord meant to send you. I uh... I don't even know what to say right now. I'll tell Rainbow-whatever you said hi."

"Holy shit. You're serious. I.. I... Alright, man. I love you too. This is... incredible. And.. heh... yeah.. It's Rainbow Dash."

"Exactly." We were both nervously laughing at this point.

"Confound Discord... He drives me to madness." He chuckled quietly, but I could tell he was close to tears. To be fair, so was I. This was a time-slowing moment. We would never talk again.

"Heh.. I know you love your references. So... I'll end this on a good note," 1% percent battery and closing, "They called me Jason. Remember me." I made a gun sound effect as I hung up the call. Nadene sat down next to me as I looked at the floor. "Who was that?" She asked, quietly; obviously aware of my torn state-of-mind.

I said my words slowly, looking at my dead phone. "That was the last connection to... all human life... that I had." I looked up and at her, "That was my friend, Alex...

I just called to say goodbye."

...

Goodbyes are never easy. You may have or may not have said goodbye before and really meant it. If you haven't, you're lucky. This wasn't a willful goodbye, either. I never asked for this. In fact, I asked for it NOT to happen. If you have said goodbye... and meant it, with a certain finality that lets everyone around you know... You weren't going to see that person again... I'm proud of you. I hate to get all mushy, but think about your best friend. The guy or gal you've known for years. Think about how much they mean to you. Think about leaving forcibly and never returning. That's what I was feeling. Nadene put her arm around my shoulder and leaned into me. It was strange, yes, but she cared. It wasn't "It's in our nature" caring, she really cared. She looked up at me and turned my head towards hers. "Look at me." She said calmly. "I'm sorry. I've lost friends before. The forests... Are unforgiving sometimes. I know what you're feeling. You look older than me, and I don't know how long you've known this "Alex" but.. You have to understand. Things happen. Things you can't change. Things you can't fix. You have to accept that there is nothing you can do. Will you miss him? Yeah, but... Understand that you won't see him anymore, so just remember that good times. I understand you might not feel, 'whole' again, but you can at least move on." What she said after couldn't be more true. "What is broken, cannot be fixed. Only mended."

She couldn't have been more correct. That time I let my first legendary Pokemon card get thrown in the wash? I got another that served the same purpose, but it wasn't the first, so it wasn't quite right. That time my "Mew" Pokemon doll's tail was bitten off by the dog? ...Shut up, I liked Pokemon when I was little. Anyway, it was sewn on, but it still didn't look the same ever again. Long story short, Nadene was wise. Extremely so. I could only repay her one way. -Since she likely wouldn't accept thanks- I hugged her. I don't mean a sincere hug, bitch, I mean I glomped her. Okay, maybe not. If Google Images has taught me anything, it's to be self-conscious about everything I do. That, and the eye-doctor... and the dentist. So, I hugged her. Normally and such.

Wait...

What!?

Get your mind away from that shite! No! Bad audience! Bad! Not to make light of the current situation I was in, but she was soft! Ever hugged your cat? Ever hugged your friend? Combine those two and that's basically what happened. You hug something like that and I'm telling you, your first reaction will be, 'Hey, that's downy soft!' or something along those lines. Enough tangent. Nadene wasn't done blowing...

my mind.

Blowing my mind. You creeps. Anyway, after our long and meaningful 5 second hug, she stands up and says to me, "It's not the end of the world... man, you and that other guy."

"What other guy?" I asked, suddenly feeling as active as a lamp... don't get me wrong, after what I went through, that's a step in the right direction.

"There was this other cat... He umm.. lost his arm." She and I both visibly flinched. I mean, really, men need their arms. For man things. Like, fixing things. And football... Oh good god, what were you thinking? You know what, I'm not even going to try anymore. "Well," she continued, "He just... seemed saddened. I mean, it isn't like I don't know why."

"So what was his name?"

"Khajiit. Although, Ren said it was Jack. We called him Jack, it sounds nicer." Holy shnikes. Khajiit? As in, Skyrim, Khajiit!? Discord did say there were more humans scattered here and there. So yes... That's my conclusion. You... You can, uhh... stop reading this paragraph...

I was without a doubt too funny to be a coincidence. Mister Originality himself popped into this world and said, "I think I'll be original! No, in all legitimacy, I'm tempted to rename myself as an Equestrian citizen, "Human". All sarcasm aside, that guy was indeed a human. How did he get here? Discord said it took some time to pop in another dapper young fellow such as myself... minus the dapper/young part. So who did this? Speaking of popping, how many caps need to be placed in said deity's anus to convey the message that the act of placing us here is frowned upon.

I had a decision to make. Either make a left turn at Albuquerque and find this, "Khajiit/Jack" or stay here and live a peaceful village life. Like "Little Home on the Prairie" or whatever it was, but worse! Hmm... I choose to find the Skyrim dude. And then ask this "Ren" guy why he calls Khajiit, Jack. I have to do it behind Khajiit's back, because I just know the story will be funny as hell and would any victim to no end. Without further ado, I give to you... Jason, the douche! I'm going to leave as soon as I can and try to find this guy. Maybe we could team up or some shit. I need a decent teammate, anyway. Knowing me, I'd just be a dick and deter him from liking me. Oh well! "Nadene." I began.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna go tomorrow. I don't know where. I'm going to try to find this, 'Khajiit' person." She was immediately distraught.

"What!- You haven't recuperated yet! And the forest-"

"Is nothing I can't handle now. I'll be okay. I was out cold for days and I just ate slash drank the food slash nectar of the gods." She giggled, which was good to hear. She still looked saddened. Was it because I declined hospitality? Because I didn't stay for long? Because she wanted to finish Angry Birds: Rio? I don't know, the point is, she didn't want me to leave tomorrow, but I had to. I was going to beat the living shit out of Scottie/Discord if it was the last thing I did, regardless of the consequences. Well, he was essentially invincible. How would I mana-...

Skyrim powers... DRAGONREND! He was, like, mostly dragon-something-or-other! Double holy schnikes! Well, things just got easier. Whether Dissy liked it or not, I was coming for him. I knew where he was, since Alex tells me eveything and then some. I was breaking that fucking stone prison, I was letting him out, I was causing a ruckus. Yeah, you heard me! A MUTHA FUZZIN' RUCKUS! I was KICKING his ass, and I WAS GOING HOME! That was my first decision. The first I made in Equestria.

I was so excited within my own mind, I forgot to blink and breathe among other bodily functions, to the point where when I stood up to be dramatic and speak my mind, I nearly fell over and was caught by Nadene. Bitch, let me fall! It's supposed to be the other way around! She just done screwed up my manliness-ometer. It's off the charts!

...

Going down! I looked up at her and she looked up at me. She got this look in her eyes. She looked into mine and I looked into hers. I leaned in and whispered, "Don't ever catch me again. I'll... uhh... I dunno, I'll tickle you, er something." She squeaked and dropped me. Oh yeah, I was using that as leverage one day. Well, it was getting dark, so time to pack it in. Right as I was about to plop down on my makeshift bed, Nadene's mom waltzed through the door with... Clothes? Fucking sexism. "Laundry fairy!" she announced, in a sing-song manner. "Mooo-oom!" Nadene moaned, "Stop doing that!" Her mom simply chuckled and crouched down to my level, "Well, I'm sorry they weren't here sooner, but this is something I made for you while you were asleep. Hope you don't feel too weirded out, sorry. I noticed you only had one set so... here you go!"

At least she admitted to being sorry. She set the clothing down and Nadene and I quickly fell asleep for the convenience of the end of this chapter and because being depressed is exhausting work... No worries, depressed people just lay in bed all day... But I have somewhere to be. Wherever Mangojack might be.

(Author's Notes: Yet another chapter written in the AM. Please correct me if I spell something incorrectly.)