Pony Team Epic

Seattle's Angels are traipsing through the woods in search of more stories to review.

Wanderer D stops and cranes his neck, bringing the rest of his troop to a halt as he scans the leafy surroundings.

"Come out, Steve; I can spot your shitty prose anywhere."

The author steps out of some bushes ahead, bearing a tray of freshly-baked brownies.

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Steven Has Clearly Run Out of Ideas

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So Now Nobody Will Love Him

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And He Will Be Forgotten

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Because Let's Face It

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There's No Future In Fan Fiction

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I Mean, Exactly What's It About?

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Just Idling By, Circle-Jerking Over Somebody Else's Characters and Concepts

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One Could Argue They're Doing A Better Job Exploring These Characters and Concepts

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If So, Why Not Explore These Concepts Using Your Own Original Creations Instead of Diddling About?

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Fan Fiction Is Only Best For General Writing Practice Or Taking The Piss Out Of Things

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Far Too Many Talented Writers Wasting Away Pumping Out These Trivial What-Ifs That Don't Go Anywhere

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Seriously, Get Out There And Make Something That's Legitimately Your Own

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Like, Absolutely Completely 100% Borne From Your Mind And Is Merely Influenced By Other Things, Rather Than Outright Take Place In Those Things

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Give Yourselves Some Credit, Dammit

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Anyway, Back To This Shitshow

Spike has come across a certain rugged echidna.

"Whoa, you're Knuckles!"

"Here I cum! Rougher than the rest of 'em—"

"Agh no not in my eyes blegh!"

Ponecinnappolis

"Yo Rainbow Dash!"

"Hey, slut."

"Heeheehee, youuuuu got that right!"

Proceeds to stab Rainbow Dash repeatedly in the face.

Pony... of the Epic-est Quality

Deep in the Everfree Forest, Fluttershy is bleeding out from two slit wrists.

In her fading vision, she sees a stream of blood flow out to and cover a very special seed in a nearby grove.

The seed grows into a mighty tree shaped like a middle finger.

"Y-yaay..."

Derpy Epic Team

"I believe the fall time calls for Spring Cleaning!"

The front door of her house bursts open with an awful bang.

Derpy gasps in shock at what lies through the debris.

"It's you—!"

That Fine Pony Time

"I definitely gave a talkin' to that thievin' griffon the other day, but I ain't know a damn thing bout her shitty mangled corpse bein' in my shed."

Truth

Doubt

Lie

You're lying, Morgan!

"Aaaaaaaand iiiiiiiif youuuuuuu looooooook aaaaaaaaaat thiiiiiiiiis straaaaaaatuuuuuuuum youuuuuuuu caaaaaaaaaaan seeeeeeeeee—"

"Jeez, Maud has gotten even more boring to listen to. Girl has no cred whatsoever."

"UhsamalamaadumalamaayouassumingI'mahumanWhatIgottadotogetitthroughtoyouI'msuperhumanInnovativeandI'mmadeofrubbersothatanythingyousayingricochetingoffofmeandit'llgluetoyou—"

Rainbow Dash's head pops.

It started out as your typical early morning well any typical early morning the colors were soft and the sun was nowhere near harsh with the town thoroughfares steadily filling up with the usual foot or rather hoof traffic of the usual spectrum of color-coordinated furs and manes that make the place alive with pastoral agency which really can only be found in a simpler kind of imagination given its overabundance and garishness yet in a magical land there's no real standard for taste or even discreetness so it's just visual overload and so much noise for the eyes yet it does make them easily identifiable to younger minds that haven't quite made it past the pre-operational stage of cognitive development so it's all harmless they don't really need to know too much at this period and there are unique personality traits to make them more relatable even if they are exaggerated and lacking that fine subtlety much of the time but again it's really no concern as they still play the common populous that give any place that sense of life necessary in setting a scene to make a story more vivid although some writers get carried away in the details not just with the background people but the scenery as well like Victor Hugo for example who just devotes entire chapters telling the history of certain buildings and locations in Paris although the structure in question is only relevant to the main plot as a setting piece but he can be forgiven because he paints such a rich if overwrought tapestry in these asides yessir he certainly did love that city and its history but the marketplace of Ponyville was filling up with merchants and traders with their wares and produce and services and filling the air with words and motion just as a great intake of breath serves to awaken and energize a great slumbering body and this is an analogy that has played out in this saccharine setting almost every single day since its founding with great catastrophes being the sole reason for any exception to the rule.

Trotting unhurriedly among her fellow if physiologically lesser kin was Twilight Sparkle ever keen yet still inherently naive to the world and its vast cruelties even after all the trials she and her friends had overcome which may be the due to a great inner strength that is worth applauding or it's a mild form of mental regression that keeps her and her friends' mental states at some set emotional level of maturity so in a way they remain youthful in mind but tragically lack the fulfillment that comes with wisdom another concerning factor that can be attributed to the show's falterings now the young princess went along her way to see Pinkie Pie no doubt opening up shop at the Sugarcube Corner and with still some distance left to cover the alicorn idly pondered going to the bakery to procure some mildly stale rye bread because as it was Tuesday they were about to to throw out yesterday's leftover supply of rye bread which she and several other savvy ponies can purchase at a discount before they touch the trash bins and the same case with the sourdough that would be tossed out the next day being Wednesday come to think of it why didn't Sugarcube Corner proffer regular baked goods alongside their usual line-up of pastries and delights certainly it was a specialty bakery of sorts but surely they can diversify their stock and cater to those looking for components to a simple sandwich or complements to salads and soups it would bring in more profit and certainly make things more lucrative in the raising of the twins yet what does any of that matter in the here and now just simple inconsequential thoughts to pass along time otherwise devoted to idle gawking with no intent of stopping to say hello or strike up a conversation even a passing one which I suppose plays into Twilight's lingering antisocial tendencies again they do not fully grow out of their early flawed states come to think of it all this musing on the mental states of ponies reminds me of shortskirtsandexplosions who usually delves into the psychology of these cartoon equines and does a pretty good in-depth job of it even though it is incredibly long-winded but you have to respect someone who can type up a thirty-thousand word novella in just a weekend and looks technically sound but perhaps he has editors on the side to touch it up as it goes.

"So this is looking to be another wonderful day just hurrying along to get some light breakfast and say hello to one of my friends who I sincerely hope isn't involved in some kind of crazy scheme or going through one of her extreme moods that Pinkie Pie can be such a character I wonder if anyone else will be there it's a fairly frequent thing to happen to find two or three of my friends in one place at any given time it's just a small town and that's still something I love it's so easy to get to know everyone though it is very out of the way even with the trains and additional roads I may have to consider zoning out satellite communities for those who want to live out here in the country but I'll have to be careful about it not to mention I already have the school to overlook so that's a project to be saved for another time on the matter of school it'd probably be a great idea to have Starswirl and the others come to guest lecture now that I think about it I haven't heard from him in a long while it's a bit surprising and startling how ponies can drop out of your life like that without any real fuss especially when they're someone you've looked up to so much in your youth I guess that's a part of growing up I wonder if that's how it will be with Spike since he's molted it won't be much longer now before he may want to go his own way and do his own things at the very least I hope I can remain a fond memory to him if nothing else I just have to let him decide and the same goes for my students they will soon leave and then the next generation will come in followed by the next and the next there's no denying this all that we really can do as adults and mentors is prepare each successive generation for the ever-changing world they will inevitably step into and become an integral part of."

I still wonder about what has become of my old IRC group who have taught me so much in the early months I was in the fandom Pascoite and Samurai and even shortskirts what does he even do in real life or any of the others I'm legitimately curious are they doing things to support and enrich themselves so that these fan fictions they write are simply a hobby as it really should be but it always has been no one really argues with that I only assume that people take it too far and make careers out of it even with all my education I still can grossly generalize things I just don't expose myself as much as I would like but that involves going out and talking and engaging and going online which I don't find entirely necessary because of time constraints and I have other things to bide my free time but that's not how it should be there has to be effort put in yet I am about to move on to an important stage in my life and it's that terrifying point where one puts away childish things and focuses on a career and that still frightens me because I still cling to the notion that I just have too many things I want to do I don't want to be restricted I want freedom I don't want to be stressed but that's all excuses excuses I have to put my foot forward at some point and if it means casting aside my diversions then so be it it has to be done if I'm to make something of myself clearly fan fiction hasn't gotten me anywhere and I haven't taken proper authorship too seriously so here is the next big alternative I hope it goes well for me and not like other supposed big steps that were really just stumbles I can't dwell on those the world and the future keep moving on and I have to see it through keep my head up roll with the punches and know that there is beauty and wonder in the world and I will see and experience it for myself in due time yes in due time I will embrace it all.

Eeee-yup

"So I asked Braeburn out for a date, but he totally shot me down."

"Don't take it so hard. You're not the first to get Braeburned."

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"He wrote this kind of joke elsewhere..."

What are you doing with your life?

"So Pinkie Pie, darling, how's your sister's coltfriend been doing lately?"

Nick Confalone leaps in, grabs Rarity by the neck, slams her against a wall and shoves the barrel of a pistol to her temple.

"Don't you ever bring that word up again, do you understand me?!"

"Yes Yes Oh God Please Don't!"

A Day Late and A Pony Short

"So you really think there's other life out there?"

"Maybe, Spike, but at present it's only speculation and theory."

Twilight gasps and collapses, as MatPat rises from behind with a bloodied knife and a psychotic grin.

"A GYAME TheoryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY—"

To Be Continued...