Prologue: He though he knew.
Discord
“No, something still isn’t right…” Discord said, looking out of Fluttershy’s cottage to see…Ponyville? “Why does this feel familiar? Almost like Season 2?” Discord asked himself. “Ah. Because it is the way Ponyville looked when I had my way with it…what 6 Seasons ago? Wow, time flies!” He exclaimed, looking at the winged clocktower. With a snap of his fingers, Ponyville disappeared, well, not entirely. It was mainly just obscured by the giant lollipop mice that were scampering around.
Immediately, Discord found himself in Canterlot Castle, torn from his home dimension into the real Equestria. He looked around and saw the Princesses, with Twilight and company just waltzing through the door. Pinkie actually waltzing. “Princess Celestia! We got here as fast as we…could? Discord? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked.
“I was about to say the same to you, Limelight. I suppose Princess Celery and Princess Gru are sending us all on another dangerous quest?” Discord riddled.
“Greetings, everypony. Discord,” she added with a slight bit of an annoyed tone. “It has come to my attention that a new beast with powers similar to this Draconequus has appeared. I summoned you all to get the briefing from Discord about his creation.” She nodded to him.
“Well, Princess. I’m rather busy at the moment doing something that isn't this, although I haven't entirely worked out what it is yet to be quite fair. So, because I don’t want to help you, I won’t.” He turned to Spike. “Nice wings, Spike. Now, could you please do me a solid and say hi to the rainbow lazerbeam of friendship for me? I really don’t want to be near that thing, considering I’m not exactly harmonious.”
“Yea, you’re the exact embodiment of disharmony.” Twilight pointed out.
“Not strictly true, Twilight. You see, Harmony is a spectrum. Too much to one side, and you get chaos. Too much to the other, and you get pure order. Harmony is smack-dab in the middle. In fact, it also works with you as element-bearers in a certain kind of way. You each balance each other out. For example, Twilight, you’re a very ordered pony. Reshelving weekends, schedules, boring stuff. On the other hoof, Pinkie is chaotic, and that cancels you two out perfectly. See? Harmony.” Discord concluded, walking past the stunned look on Twilights face. “Now, Celestia, if you would be so kind as to let me go…” He snapped his fingers, but nothing happened. “What…?” He snapped his fingers again. “No.” His face fell. “She’s back!”
“Who is, Discord?” Fluttershy asked nervously.
Discord gulped. “Ladies, the Spirit of Disharmony.”
Celestia nearly recoiled in shock, only barely maintaining her regal posture with everypony else visibly confused. “You don’t mean…?”
“Yes. Empusa, Goddess of Order.”
Chapter One: What the Hay?
Applejack
“Ahm tellin ya, Twi! This is Discord’s doing.” Applejack complained. “Ah know he’s chaotic an all, but this is just too far.” She continued pointing at her orchard.
“Applejack, why would Discord flatten out the land and arrange your trees in perfect rows, and change your apples to be almost perfectly round and the same size? It doesn’t make sense!” Twilight responded before looking defeated. “Oh.”
“Umm, even so, Twilight, I know from experience that Discord wouldn’t do something this ordered. It would literally make him fade from existence. Remember when I told you about the time I visited his home?” Fluttershy interjected. “He fades when he creates order. I’d like to think that even the Lord of Chaos has a sense of self-preservation.”
“Well, it still doesn’t explain how mah orchard is unnaturally tidy. No landmarks, signs, nothin. It has to be the work of Discord.”
Twilight’s horn started glowing as she tried to summon Discord. He popped into existence but before she could get a word in, he started to say some very odd things indeed, especially for him. “Hello everypony! This is your friendly neighbourhood draconequus here to tell you that Discord isn’t available right now. Due to some unknown reason, most likely due to a lack of chaos in the area, I cannot reach you. Please move to a more chaotic region of Equestria so that -” the rest faded with static, while the Discordant answering machine fell from existence.
“Well…that was certainly somethin’.” Applejack said.
Pinkie Pie
Pinkie was busy watching the Sugarcube Corner counter during the lunch rush. She sighed. Something was off today, something…unfun. She looked outside and didn’t see anything too obviously super-duper wrong, yet she felt…drained. She chalked it up to the party slump, where very few parties were happening this time of year. She clearly needed to plan a “Party Slump Party” to get out of the slump that the party slump caused by lacking parties.
Pinkie mindlessly took orders and thought about the supplies needed to make this an absolute doozy of a party, even thinking of inviting Cheese Sandwich and Discord to help plan it. Obviously if Discord was invited, she’d need to rent some unpopulated land from the Princesses and also ensure guidelines that prevented ponies from being moved to other dimensions and…
“Pinkie! Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Asked Rarity.
“Nope!” Said Pinkie in a tone far too chipper to be polite, yet at the same time very clearly not impolite. Rarity looked at Pinkie quizzically while Pinkie fetched her scone. Almost immediately, Pinkie was back with a large cheese scone with butter that was still somehow warm.
Rarity paid Pinkie five Bits then walked off with her scone, to nearly be bowled over by Spike. “Hey, Rarity. Hey, Pinkie. Twilight said to meet at the castle as soon as possible. AJ and Fluttershy are already there.” He said before taking off in the direction of Rainbow Dash’s house.
“Well, that was…odd.” Said Rarity, before taking a bite out of her scone.
“You said it, Rarity. I’ve never seen Spike with wings before.” Commented Pinkie before telling Mr. and Mrs. Cake about Twilight’s call, then headed in the wrong direction to the castle. Nevertheless, she arrived before Rarity did, much to the unicorn’s confusion. Rarity decided not to question it and headed inside. Moments later, Rainbow flew in and nearly crashed into her throne, sticking the landing like a pro. Spike made it to the castle about a minute later. Pinkie started thinking about the “Nice Landing!” party she was going to throw for Rainbow Dash but was quickly interrupted by Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle
As each of the girls (and Spike, of course) settled into the thrones, Twilight began her presentation. “Good afternoon, everypony. While helping Applejack with her chores today, Applejack, Fluttershy and I noticed that each tree was exactly alike. Ordered perfectly and symmetrically, with no hills or distinctive markings. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but it seems very unusual. When I got back here to the map, I noticed this.” She pointed to the Everfree Forest. “As you can see, it’s not completely and utterly wild, it’s ordered.” She pointed again to the crystal mountains. “Here we can see that the Crystal Peaks are of the exact same heights. If somepony were to get lost in them, they would never be able to tell where to head.”
“So, what?” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “Just get Discord to change it back.” She finished.
“That’s the thing, Rainbow. We’re pretty sure it ain’t Discord.” Replied Applejack.
“But if it isn’t Discord then whomst’d’ve done it?” Rainbow asked indignantly.
“I’m pretty sure that isn’t a word, darling. It’s ‘whomst have.’” Rarity spoke up.
“Girls.” Twilight said.
“Whatever. You know what I meant.”
“GIRLS!” Twilight yelled. Spike opened his mouth before closing it on second thought. “We have to tell the Princesses about this. In fact, we can’t even summon Discord due to a ‘lack of chaos,’ whatever that means. We just have to figure out a way to – Spike?” Everypony turned to look at Spike before he finally let out a massive scroll.
“It’s a letter from the Princesses.” He sheepishly mentioned before Twilight started reading the scroll.
“We have to get to Canterlot. You too, Spike.” Twilight said. “Celestia needs our help.”
“Whatever with, Twilight?” Rarity asked.
Twilight looked at her as if she’d just said the stupidest thing in the world. It took Rarity a moment before she promptly got down. “I don’t know about…the rest of you,” she started. “But I shan’t leave for Canterlot without packing, first.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “We’re probably gonna go on a dangerous adventure. It ain’t worth it to bring all of this unnecessary gear. Just the bare essentials.”
Rarity huffed and trotted out of the room.
“I’m sorry, everypony, but we’re just going to have to leave ASAP. I’ll see you at the train station. Spike tell the Princesses that we’ll be right there.”
“On it. Princess Twilight, we’re going – “
“Alright, maybe I should have used better wording.”
“No kidding.”
Author's Note
From now on, I'll only be focusing on one perspective per chapter. Not only is this somewhat confusing for reading purposes, but it's also difficult to write. Alas, it's necessary for future reference in the story.
Chapter Two: I'm Completely Sane!
“Empusa. Goddess of Order.” Said Discord, fear creeping into his voice.
“Now, who the hay is that?” Shouted Applejack.
“It’s the villain that the author has written for this fanfiction, my dear Applejack. Although, if we’re going to stay away from being meta for the time being then I suppose I should take you back to the creation of the universe. Contrary to what you may believe of my nature, I am not the Lord of Chaos. I am chaos itself. I work on a scientific principle called quantum mechanics, where everything is random chance. I am quite simply an avatar for this chaos.
“You ponies are not beings of order at all. In fact, Celestia, the most ordered being in this supercluster of galaxies is harmony incarnate. Not a representative of it, it just so happens that a thousand years of bearing the full brunt of the elements has shifted her to that side. Luna, remember when she suggested Project Everfree?”
“Why, yes. But how could you have known that Discord? You were trapped in stone!”
“That will be explained later. But, Lulu, would the High Empress of the Giant Gas Ball in the Sky be willing to create a similar project now, had the current one not been conceived?”
Luna pondered this question. “No, I suppose not.” She looked over to Celestia, who nodded solemnly. “Then, are the Elements not as benevolent as we thought?”
Discord chuckled. “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. The elements are the most benevolent items in the universe. On a grand scale. They strive to make Celestia’s ideals true, but Celestia’s ideals are only this way because she’s been affected for so long. To be quite honest, I didn’t think that the elements were truly harmonious until the final battle with Tirek.” He turned to the bearers, body still facing the other princesses in a kind of gruesome contortion of his body.
“Your Rainbow Power, remember with all of your chaotic mane and wing colours and styles? That was the Tree of Harmony telling me that there was chaos in it. That’s when I truly felt like I missed out on the opportunity by rejecting Laughter and Magic.” He sighed. “I need to apologise to her. But at the same time, if any of Equestria is to survive, I need to kill her.”
“Discord, what are you saying?” Asked a wide and teary-eyed Fluttershy.
Discord looked at her dead in the eyes and repeated. “I am going to have to kill her.”
Celestia stood into a defensive position, murder in her eyes. “Discord, you will not kill Empusa. Not after what you were going through when we met. I will not have a friend go through this kind of mental torture.”
Discord looked at Celestia and laughed. “No, but you see? Now that I know Empusa put me through this intentionally, she’s no longer one that I care for. As Dr. Seuss put it, ‘Those who mind don’t matter; those who matter don’t mind.’ I’m not going to throw away my remaining sanity to be crushed over and over again in the jaws of godly depression. I have friends who actually care for me now. At least ten. Maybe some more of Ponyville. I know that Granchesterday has probably helped me a lot more in the eyes of the citizens of Equestria. I ramble. The important thing is for me to find and kill her, and while this will have unforeseen consequences, our universe will probably stay relatively safe.”
“What do you mean relatively safe?” Asked Twilight.
“More importantly,” Rainbow interjected, “what do you mean by our universe?”
“Well, Rainbow, thanks for asking. Our universe is just one among many different universes, each with slight variations. Each of these universes are connected to each other through works of fiction. To put it in simpler terms, this means that if A.K. Yearling was just A.K. Yearling, and Daring Do was just a fictional character, the universes would still be connected, since Miss Yearling would be writing works of fiction. Now, this universe is connected to fifteen separate universes through written works on what is called a website. Hence why me and Pinkie sometimes seem to talk to an unknown audience, we’re referencing the author.”
“How do you know that it’s a written work?” Asked Spike.
“Because I said it is. Since I’m being written this way, I must be written. Now, I know for a fact that one of the universes are being stupid and putting this into film. But now you know where I get all of my inside jokes. And, also Pinkie.” He looked at her with a toothy grin on his face. “Sorry, bub.”
“That’s all fine.” Said Twilight, not fully recovered from the existential crisis Discord sent her through. “But what do you mean about the universe being relatively safe?”
“Simple. It will be safer compared to when Empusa is here, trying to shove anything and everything into nothing. You know black holes, right Luna?”
“Yes. They’re such a neusance to me.”
“That’s her final goal. The entire universe, a singularity.” Discord shuddered. “Thankfully this can only be truly accomplished without me, but she can still get pretty damn close.”
“Well, Discord, what are you waiting for? Go teleport to her and defeat her.” Celestia deadpanned.
“It’s not that simple, Princess.” Discord stated.
“It never is…” mumbled Twilight.
“You see, there is such a large amount of concentrated order that my chaos cannot be used to teleport. I can still do things like this.” He said, snapping his fingers and turning the doors into elephants, before changing them back. “But as far as that, simple acts of chaos are as far as I can go.”
“Then why do you have an orchestra playing Beethoven’s 5th?” Asked Pinkie.
“Not even simple is simple with me. You of all ponies should know that Pinkie Pie, what with your knowledge of the void.”
“Beethoven’s 5th? What the hay does that mean?” Asked Applejack.
“Oh AJ, it’s a famous classical symphony from one of the universes I talked about. In another universe, it’s the name of a terrible catastrophe played by a symphony.” He sighed. “What a terrifying work of art.”
Pinkie Pie started to twitch before she started to bounce around the room and shriek. “I can’t sit idly!” She froze, only her mouth moving. “No, I can’t move at all! I curse the name. The one behind it all.”
Discord facepalmed. Pawed? Clawed?
“Facepalmed works fine.” Said Discord.
Damn you, fourth wall. Anyway, Discord facepalmed. “Pinkie, we went a bit too far with that reference. We don’t want this to violate the rule about copyrighted lyrics.”
“But Discooord!” She whined. “Fan works can’t be copyrighted, or they break the fair use contract! It’s well known copyright law in most of the Western World!”
“Better safe than sorry.” Discord concluded to the stunned looks at all.
“Discord, dear, since when have you been cautious?” Asked Rarity.
“If you knew who, what, or why I was, you would know that I am the physical manifestation of chaos. This means that, in addition to being purely fair, I am also equally likely to be anything at any given time. The fact that I have emotions skews things a little, but that allows for more ways to be off the walls bananas!” He exclaimed as bananas started falling from the ceiling.
“That’s all well and good, Discord, but shouldn’t you be off to save Equestria?” Asked Princess Celestia.
“I might. Other than protecting my nature, and the ponies I care about, offer me one incentive to do this job and I’ll consider doing it.” Discord replied.
“I’ll add another two days to Granchesterday, and I’ll make it The Granchester Long Weekend.”
“If you think I can, that's my plan!” Discord yelled, inexplicably donning a purple top hat. “Now follow, my friendly followers, follow!”
Pinkie chuckled. “Didn’t expect a reference to Tim Toiler, of all references.”
“Who?” Asked Spike.
“You’ll know soon enough. In the meantime, cupcake?”
Author's Note
Tim Toiler (as pictured)
Is a character from Scooby Doo: First Frights which was released for PS2, Nintendo DS and Wii. I owned (and still own) my PS2 copy. Tim ends up being behind the toy robot terrorising the amusement park in episode 2 of the game.
I don't know why I thought of that reference when I did.