Woe baby, woe. Do you here that soun of rane fallin from tha sky. Hel ye, feles great, partna. Like the tears of kryin babes, ya dig? Look at ya flote liek a cow inna blimp faktery, how sossy! Boi howdee you lookin mightee stif there, gurl. Wake up or y’all miss mah swete, swete cookin. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Whoowweee. Ya betta wake yup gorl. You lookin like ya gat a kess from ole Yan Wang hemself.

Thare ya go driffin down dem rivers. Donet you knoe them riva is full o snayks. Snayks turn ta draggins, donet ya knoe? Yo I’s R ol glazy, yo mowth iz ol drigh, looka yo ragged hat sittin on yo hed. Noteven tha draggin keng’s drizzl is wakin yo ass up. Don warry, I gat ya meel tic rights with me. My warld fammuss lil baskit buns. Ya smel dat? Ooo dat swete smell! Bess smel in da hole galxee. Yum!

“I’m Alive?” Oooee lil ladee spoek sum fien trooth dere! Lissin ta dat vois az smoof swete cheery pI, Lard hav merci! I becha shees cumin from da eest wit dat dem silkee smoof longs of her.

“Where in sam hell am I?”Shese sed. Datsa ? al rite iffa I eva seein 1. Ooo shi ah swete liek ma swete ladee bak in da odder werld. Wonda iffa shi still gats mah legz.

Shea looka arown ana sees mah taystee mele rite en frunt of ha. Lil ladee givin ita an Ibrow treetmint. OOoooeee, sprenklin sum stienk indat I. Don bee shI gurl, giv ita bIt. Ya defly luv dat sossy flava.

Shi taik 1 biet an shi b on clowd 9 whoo wee, dat smIel b pritty az can b. Shi choo an choo an choo. Dat fayse Ah liv 4 dat kine of fayse.

Shi b lookin arown O Nao shi walken on da wottur. Shi liek Croist gai. Nuttin arown, preeti gorl bedda woch owt for Gong Gong. Hiya lork in dat wotter. Reel Nostee Hi iz.

Shi moov maykin dem rippls in da still wotter. I C Gong Gong lorkin at da Boddom. He real skairi. En da dissanse iz Fether Mowntan shi mayk it der shi sayf butt she bedda woch owt too naught foll en da diyu. Shi b varee sarree. Dere it cumz, da monstur rizen.

Ol Gong Gong roez frum da C

Bigga dan U ar Mee

Haz bieg toof, mor dan 3

Hiz boddee sttrech az far az can C

Soe Nastee, looken 4 a fite

Soe Scard, Pant fol of shite

Wil shi B fien, iz evrting alrite?

Noe seffin hedded baybs in site

Iz shi tuff wil shi mayk it rite?

MaiB dis fite is dah kee

Gong Gong caym owt of dah wottur and chomp at dah gorl wit bieg toof.

“What in tarnation?” sed dah Gorl

Shi nokked dah munstr inda noes wit hr 4 flat feat an Gong Gong cryed liek a bayb. Hee snap an snap too git dat deelishus laydee meet. Butt shi too straung. Gong Gong tayk vaycaishun in dah skigh. Dah gurl stud der pantin an swetty.

“That’s what you get for messing with an apple.” Shi sed.

Shi bigen wokken tooword big mowntan. Jurny toook ah hundrid an 8 Moonz an a hundrid an 8 nites. Gud ting shi luv mai kookin, yessreee. Ah mayd sumfin evr nite an it tayst reel gud, yessreee. Imayd bunz, I mayd stu, I mayd boogrs, an I mayd frie. All gud, reel gud. Shee nies an fat by da tiem shi reech dah mowntan. Shi don knoe whare da food caym frum sins I unCable butt dat O K. Win shi got to da mowntan dere wuz ah scriptshur dat sed.

Welcum too mowntan ov fethur.

Tayk a strap bown fer lethur

Slap mah X Gorl frend hethr

Shi a bich

Serry cant klime

Fuk U.

“I have no idea what this says.” sed da gorl lookin atda letturs.

Den dah Raneboe Surpint rased hur hed an lookd at dah gurl. Shi wore the mowntan liek ah krown.

Dah Raneboe Surpint Sqented hur I'z at dah gorl sense shi soe tienee. Shi stuk hur hed in dah wottur an caym owt wharin grasses. Dah serpint sqint at da lil laydee wit hur grasses.

“Hello.” Dah Surpint wispurd.

Dah Gorl cuvurd dem bieg eerz of hurs wit dem flat feat.

“Howdy. Could you speak quieter, please?” sed dah gorl.

“Sorry.” Dah Raneboe Surpint spoak in dah fayntist of wispurz.

“Do you know where I am?” sed dah gurl.

“Standing on water.” sed dah surpint

Ooooo dah loke dat Laydee gayv dat surpint wuz sher feerse an et gayv mee tingls.

“Could you quit being smart with me an just tell me?”

Dah Surpint thot an thot an thot. Shi thot lon an haRd. Shi den spoac grate werdz.

“You’re lost.”

Dah prittie Laydee poot hir fays inna hir flat fingrliss han an sId.

“Hey dum dum.” spoac a voice to the gorl.

Dah Laydee lookd up too C a rilly whorenie man sittin on dah mowntan.

“The serpent speaks only in obtuse.” sed dah rilly whorenie man.

Dah gorlz Iz wen cros butt den shi sai dah majik werdz.

“Take me to where my friends are.” sed dah gorl too dah surpint.

Dah surpint thot 4 a minut b4 noddin its big noggin.

Dah laydee wuz wisked a wai too da mowntan purch ware dah whorenie man sat. Dah Raneboe Surpint tuk too da skah an floo a wai frum da wottur.

Dah Laydee lucked at da man whose hed wuz whorenie liek a dear. His I'z wer red an yeller.

“D-Dis--” Dah whorenie man poot a fingr to dah gorls mowth an shooshed hur.

“Don’t spoil the surprise, dear.” sed dah whorenie man.

“But how are you here? It doesn’t make sense.”

Dah whorenie man smield. “What is the fun in making sense?”

Dah gorlz jo dropd 4 a mowmint b4 shi smield a happi smiel.

Dah surpint mayd lef da lan of wottur an headid to hur hom uf Ostollia. Ware MaiB sumboddie wood fine wut day R lookin 4.

Author's Note

I worked really hard to improve the grammar. Grammar is hard stuff. You all better appreciate it. If you see any errors let me know.

Three chapters left I think. Make sure to hit that dislike button and give me some feedback.