Chap 2: We need the Elements of Harmony! If found please call the 1-555...
Author's Note
Thank you for choosing this story. And thank you for accepting a sub-par author like me here :)
So:
The CMC are Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon (Genders adequately changed to fit)
But Spike (the last one to pop-up)? WHO SHOULD I USE?
Pairing: Will I shoot myself on the foot if I do a “FlutterScord” Pairing? I need more info.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.
Chap 2: We need the Elements of Harmony! If found please call the 1-555...
Chapter 2: We need the Elements of Harmony, if found please Call 1-555…
Konoha - Hokage Tower -
“So? Can we count on you?” Starswirl, having reincarnated himself into a human called Hiruzen and acting as Village Leader of Konoha, asked massaging his eyes.
“Just because you won’t stop pestering me otherwise.” Discord, reincarnated unwillingly as a boy named Naruto, answered annoyed.
“Have no fear, Fluttershy will return soon.” Cadence, also known as Sakura, offered with a gentle smile.
“Fluttershy being here or not has nothing to do with this.” the Chaos entity answered crossing his arms.
“You like her, just admit it.” Shining Armor, AKA Sasuke, replied rolling his eyes.
Snap!
“Discord? PLEASE turn Shining back.” Starswirl begged groaning.
“No.”
“I can’t get married to a bucket!” Cadence said whining.
“Not my problem!”
“Turn him back or I will start whining louder!” the Princess of Love said with narrowed eyes.
“Not my problem.”
“...Hmmmm!”
“….”
“Uuuun!”
“...”
“Mmmmgh! MMMMMMNNNNH!”
“OKAY! FINE!”
Snap!
“CRAP BASKETS!” Shining shrieked as he finally returned to look human.
“Language.” Starswirl chided him.
“Discord? Why you don’t want to admit it? You like her, I. CAN. SEE. IT! You can’t hide it from me, Nopon-NOBODY can hide their Love from me, not even you.” Cadence asked.
“I have been single for millenniums! I like my freedom!” the other answered whining while turning his clothes into the striped cliche garment of a prisoner and adding the iron ball to his feet too.
“She is a good girl! She will do you good, both of you will be good for each other!”
“You and your shipping...”
“Are you afraid she won’t feel the same?”
“Grrr!”
Okay, that glare he sent her was a bit terrifying, so for the sake of not pushing him too far, Cadence decided to put the matter aside, if only just temporarily.
“Hokage-sama?” Kakashi called from outside.
“Come in, my boy! Come in!”
“Good evening. Shining-san, Cadence-san.” the masked Jounin greeted the group with a small nod.
“Scarecrow!” Discord said bumping fists with the human.
“Chaos-kun!” the man replied amused.
“You managed to hit off well with him.” Starswrl said, amused.
“He tells funny jokes and can turn reality inside-out with a snap, he makes for one damn good drinking buddy.” Kakashi answered shrugging.
“Drinking buddy?”
“I love this ‘Sake’ stuff, tastes good.” Discord answered smirking.
“By the way, Hokage-sama. Everything’s ready, we’ll use the main Arena for the preliminary fights since we are still holding-up the excuse that something in our Forest of Death causes vivid hallucinations, but if we don’t find something concrete to show it, the lie will soon die down.”
“Ah, I can create something no problem, it will certainly be easier to make than the Poison Joke.” Discord answered nonplussed.
“YOU created the Poison Joke?!” Cadence yelled with wide eyes.
“A plant that pulls practical jokes on ponies turning them in their exact opposite AND weakening them at the same time...Sounds familiar? I also created the Plunderseeds! Botany is in my Curriculum, see? Right under ‘Chaos Master’ and ‘Latino-American Dances Teacher’.” the Chaos Entity answered smirking and showing a LOOOOONG piece of paper.
“In hindsight, it shouldn’t be a surprise.” the Princess of Love admitted.
“…‘Gerontology’? ‘Interior Designer’? ‘Stunt Double for Pie-fighting in movies’? What?” Kakashi asked in surprise while reading.
“I was in a mid-life crisis at the time, okay?” Discord muttered blushing.
“So you will create some plants that give whoever breaths their pollen vivid hallucinations?” Starswirl asked.
Snap!
“Done!”
“Oh!...Okay, thank you, I guess.”
“Who’s awesome?”
“You are, you are.” Kakashi conceded, high-five-ing the mad entity while chuckling.
“Thank you. Look for a bunch of giant red flowers with blue leaves, they smell like vanilla pudding.”
“I’ll give the word. You others in the meantime move towards the Arena, if we are lucky you should be able to see if some of the girls are there in need of a help remembering their past as ponies.” Starswirl said nodding pleased.
“Hey! Had I not been here, how did you plan to ‘Wake up’ the Elements of Harmony? Or yourself?” Discord asked.
“Myself was simple, as soon as this body reached puberty my memories returned and I simply waited for you others. As for the Elements, I planned to do it with a Ritual to force it a bit, even if it would have been long and maybe slightly painful, the hardest part would have been finding who they were. Unfortunately ‘Soul Magic’ is still a touchy subject.”
“For you.”
“For almost everypony, Discord. The few able to do this naturally for example are you, Sombra, Chrysalis and Tirek.”
“So only Evil guys?” Kakashi asked.
“HEY! I am Chaotic, not Evil! There is a difference!”
“More like: ‘Entities with innate abilities towards Emotions, Magic itself, affinity to Forbidden Powersor just sheer Immunity to Natural laws or Common Sense’.” Starswirl answered.
“Ooh!”
“Well, we’ll be in the Arena if you need us, sir.” Shining said pushing both Cadence and Discord out of the office.
“Somebody is dying to have his little sister back.” Kakashi said smirking.
“So it seems.” the Hokage answered snorting amused.
Barely few minutes later (Thanks to Teleportation) – Village Arena – Participants’ seats -
“So? So? Did you see her?!” Shining asked in trepidation.
“I am checking, I am checking! For fudge sake, give me a minute!” Discord, elongating his eyes like binoculars, answered annoyed as he scanned the various people trickling in.
“...So?” he asked again after barely five seconds.
“Let’s see...AH-HA! I found Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie!” Discord said in triumph.
“Okay, and?” Cadence asked while taking notes.
“Oh! That’s BigMac, surprising...”
“Who?” Shining asked.
“The guy with red hair and the gourd on his back...Eh! The one with four ponytails is Applejack, still brother and sister. Amazing!” the Chaos Master answered laughing amused.
“And Twilight? Where is she!?” Shining asked looking now very apprehensive.
“...She is there, next to the guy with a pole up his flank.”
“Discord!” Cadence said scandalized.
“No, really, look at him.” Discord answered popping his eyes out and passing them to Cadence.
“...Wow...Okay, he does look like somebody with a pole up his flank...” the Love Alicorn admitted once looked at Hiashi Hyuga’s face.
“See?...Ah-ha! There is Fluttershy finally!” the other said once recovered his eyes.
“Is that happiness I feel?”
“...”
“Hoy! Found anybody?” Kakashi asked once joined them.
“Pretty much everybody plus a Guest.” Shining answered.
“Good! Can we wake them up immediately?”
Sigh! “Fine! I will go. Wanna come with me-”
“YES!” Shining said immediately.
“Geez.”
Hyuga Clan personal seats -
“Why am I here, Father?” little Hanabi Hyuga asked curious.
“Today we’ll see the result of your sister’s training and decide if I need to make her training harder.” Hiashi answered.
“There she is!...Meh! The old version was cuter.” Discord said as he and both Cadence and Shining sat near him.
“Those are reserved seats.” the Hyuga Clan Head said haughtily.
“And I don’t care. Now shut up and let me work my Magic.” the Chaos Entity answered uncaring.
“I am the Clan Head of-”
Snap!
“I said shut up. It was not a request, it was an order.”
“Baaah! Baaah!...BAAAAAAAAAAH!” the goat sitting next to Hanabi blared while still activating itsByakugan.
“Should we intervene?” sitting behind them, Chouza Akimichi asked unsure.
“I love Hiashi like a brother, but for once that somebody made him shut-up? There is no need to rush.” Shikaku Nara answered.
“How do you think the brat did it?” Tsume Inuzuka asked curious.
“No idea.”
“Uhm!” Discord hummed with an evil smile as he looked at the lazy Nara Clan Head.
“What?” the old man asked with an edge in his voice.
“Discordification!” the blond chaos god said with a sing-song voice while booping him on the nose.
“...I am awake? I don’t feel like sleeping? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!” the man shrieked in horror as he watched his hands as if he could not recognize them.
“I Discordified you,”
“Fix me! Fix me now!”
“Fix Twilight first.” Shining whispered growling.
“Uff! Big Brothers, such a pain in the tail.” Discord whined aloud as he grabbed Hanabi’s head under his arm to give her a nookie.
“Hey! Stop it! YoU DaRn MiS-MatCHed ChaoTic AvaTar!...Discord?!” Hanabi Hyuga asked in shock as her eyes turned more purple and a reddish streak of hair appeared on her hair.
“Welcome back, dear Princess Twilight! We’ll explain later.” Discord muttered in answer and letting her go.
“Twi?” Shining asked hopeful.
“BBBFF?” she answered.
“Thank goodness, it worked.” Cadence said breathing out a long sigh of relief.
“Come, we’ll explain everything.”
“Cadence? Oh...I am having mental backlash, why I have two set of memories coming in conflict? Discord did something?”
“Why I am the prime suspect of everything going wrong?! I thought you others trusted me!” the Chaos Entity asked throwing his arms up in the air, catching them and then re-wearing them with a plastic Pop! Sound.
“No, Twi. This time Discord is a victim just like us.” Shining answered.
“Victim?”
“It’s complicated.” Cadence answered while the small group walked away leaving behind three bewildered Clan Heads and a very angry Hyuga goat still trying to use the Jyuken.
“He took off and wore back his arms?” Chouza asked.
“Apparently.” Tsume answered.
“Not an Illusion.” The Aburame Clan Head added.
“Baaaah! Baaaah!”
“Can you fix Hiashi, please?”
“Me too! Please I beg you!” Shikaku begged in tears.
“Ah, right! Okay, I’ll fix the goat.”
“And me?”
“No.”
“Whyyyyyyy!?”
Snap!
“Baa-mnit!...Okay, I am back...” Hiashi said relieved.
“Pfft...”
“What?” he asked at seeing his colleagues bite down their laugh.
“Pffft! R-R-Rainbow Afro! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Inoichi Yamanaka answered before the dam broke and he melted into wild guffaws of laughter soon followed by the other Clan Heads, even the Aburame one.
“Afro?” the Hyuga Clan Head muttered taking out a kunai to check his reflection.
“...KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” and letting-out a high-pitched shrilly scream of anguish at seeing his new rainbow afro hairstyle before fainting.
With the other Genin -
“That was low and evil.” Twilight Sparkle, formerly known as Hanabi Hyuga, said huffing.
“Yes, and?”
“Right, you are Discord. Forget it.” the Element of Magic admitted sighing.
“H-Hanabi-chan?” Hinata Hyuga asked in shock at seeing her little sister join the seats.
“Let me guess, Fluttershy?” Shining asked.
“Yep!”
“Do you mind?” Cadence asked.
“Is not like I have any other option!”
“W-What?” the young girl asked confused, even more so because her secret crush was a bit too close to her and-
“Boop!” Discord said playfully booping her nose and making her go cross-eyed.
“Hey! Why Fluttershy got a boop and I was ‘nookied’?!” Twilight asked pouting offended.
“Favoritism, I got my brain put in a blender instead.” Shining answered sniffing outraged.
“O-O-Oh my!...Twilight?” Fluttershy, once Hinata Hyuga, asked confused.
“Hello, Fluttershy! We are sisters now!” the other answered smiling.
“I always wanted a sister.” the ultra gentle girl answered with a small voice.
“Me too!”
“Hey!”
“I still love having a big brother too, have no fear.”
“Good!”
“How do you feel?” Discord asked.
“How do I...Dissy!” Fluttershy answered before recognizing his voice and hugging him.
“I’ll take that as a ‘I am fine, thank you for your concern, you handsome fellow’.” the Chaos Lord said groaning under the pressure of the bone-breaking hug.
“I can’t believe it! Hinata-chan finally managed to hug you!” Kiba Inuzuka said laughing.
“It would mean that you owe me ten ryous, Kiba.” Shino Aburame added evenly.
“I...Fuck!”
“LANGUAGE!” the girls of the reincarnated group yelled as one.
“Sorry, sorry.”
“Let me guess…Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked sighing.
“Yep! Should I leave ‘her’ as a boy?” Discord asked.
“...No, turn her into a girl human. The shock of losing a pony body will be hard enough already, changing gender too may be the hair that breaks the camel back.” the tiny girl answered.
“...Want me to age you until you match the others?” he added looking extremely annoyed.
“Pwease?” she answered with a weak smile.
“Okay...Hey! Mutt breath!”
“Who are ya callin’ Mutt Breat-”
WHAM!
In answer Discord delivered a strong enough kick to Kiba’s crotch to make the entire male half of the audience present instinctively cross their legs and lifting the Inuzuka Heir of a feet from the floor.
“Can I ask why?” Cadence asked groaning.
“I am more of a cat person.” the Chaos Lord answered shrugging.
“For Goodness’ sake, dude! That hurts!” the now female Kiba roared in fury.
“...Oh...He kicked him so hard he turned into a girl...” Shino muttered unsure.
What to do now? One of his best friends had just done an 180 and turned into a full-fledged girl, and while the hair style remained unchanged, with a new slimmer waist like hers along rounder backside and smallish breasts Shino was now having troubles not staring.
His sense friendship towards Kiba was now clashing with his new-found attraction for her new female version and he didn’t know what to do...Friendship or Boner? Which one should he listen to!?
“But it worked.” Discord answered amused as he and the others watched the girl’s eyes turn cyan blue.
“And...And my wings?” Dash asked in horror.
“Just like with Twili, Fluttershy and Caddy, you will get them back once we are in a more isolated place.”
“See? He doesn’t use a mocking nickname with you, it means he likes you.” Cadence muttered.
“Uuuhm.” the girl muttered blushing.
“Caddy, not now.” Shining whispered in answer.
“SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUN!” a new voice bellowed at ultra-high volume.
“Aaaand here comes Rarity!” Discord said catching the Yamanaka heiress mid-pounce.
“Let me go, you Loser!” Ino immediately shrieked angrily.
“Nope! Now fly!” he answered launching her HIGH in the sky once forced her body into a javelin-like shape.
“...I at least hope she will come down unscathed.” Fluttershy asked holding her hands at her hips.
“But-but! She pierced my eardrums with that scream!” he replied with wide puppy eyes.
“Dissy...”
“Oh, fine! Here she comes.”
“Kyaaaaaaah!-Ung!” the blond girl shrieked all the way down only to stop abruptly when Discord grabbed her ankle an inch before she could land on her face.
“LET ME GO, YOU RUFFIAN!”
“Welcome back, Rare.” Dash said laughing.
“Yes, yes. Laugh it up, Dash! And can somepony PLEASE explain to me why I have lost my horn and my fabulous mane style?! And sandals like these are out of style! In what kind of back-water place are we!?” Rarity asked as soon as she was returned to stand on her feet.
“While you explain to her, I will go collect Applejack and Pinkie, so we all will be here.” Discord answered bloating like a balloon and then exploding in a shower of confetti.
“It’s a long story Rarity, and you and everybody else need to hear it.” Cadence said sighing as they all sat together.
“You better explain, and where is Sweetie Belle?”
“One thing at a time, Rarity. I too am in the dark about this.” Twilight answered sighing.
At the same time – with Discord -
“Hey, you! With the bowl haircut and dashing eyebrows!” the Chaos Lord said nearing Maito Gai and his Team.
“See, Sensei? Somebody finally recognized our Youthful beauty!” Rock Lee said crying fat tears of happiness.
“Yes, Lee! I told you this day would have come!” Gai answered equally proud.
“What do you want, commoner?” Neji Hyuga in the meantime hissed in contempt.
“Not you, I need the girl with meatball hair.” Discord answered dodging the boy and putting a zip on his mouth so to close it.
“UUUUMF! UUUUUMF!”
“I have not meatball hair! And what have you done to Neji?!” Tenten said shocked.
“I shut him up, I will unzip him once done. And this is a meatball if you ask me.” he answered plucking away one of the girl’s buns without undoing the hair there or on her head.
“Give me that back!” she roared in answer and snatching the thigh brown ball of hair away from his hand.
“What the...Come on! I take hours every morning to braid my hair like this! How do I put it back?!” the girl growled while trying to ‘screw’ the hair bun back in place on her head.
“Women! All this fuss just for some hair. Here, like this.” Discord, once done rolling his eyes, said while putting back her hair bun with a metallic Click! Noise.
“Good. How’s it?” she asked in apprehension.
“You look as youthful as usual, Tenten!” Gai and Lee answered as one and giving a thumbs up to her accompanied by pinging teeth.
“Tch! And you call that a pinging teeth?!” Discord scoffed in derision.
“Of course! It’s the proof of our Youthfulness!” Gai answered proud.
“Amateur! THIS is a pinging teeth!” Discord answered giving a fanged smile and…
PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
The flash of light was so intense to produce a physical backlash the blew both Teacher and Student’s hair back and ‘Tanned’ them, along blinding the ‘Background Genin’ behind them to the point of crying blood, a poor bastard from Grass Country even caught fire because of it.
“There! That’s how is it done...And you...”
“Y-Yes?” Tenten asked looking unnerved.
“Do you have any allergies to bananas or whipped cream?”
“No?” she answered.
“Good!”
Splat!
“Then, welcome back, Pinkie Pie!” Discord said laughing once slapped a pie with banana-flavored frosting on her face.
Sluuuuuurp!
Somehow elongating her tongue enough to clean her head and shoulders and eat the entire pie in a single gulp, the girl swallowed the thing in an instant.
“Buuuurp! OH! Hihihi! My bad, I am sorry!” sporting once again her infamous bubblegum-pink hair, only still tied into buns, Pinkie Pie answered with a loud burp and a giggle.
“It’s nice to have you back.” the Chaos Entity admitted amused.
“You too, Dissy! I missed you!” Pinkie answered giving him a spine-shattering hug.
“Why you all must try to squeeze me to death!?” he asked groaning in agony.
“Because you are very hugable, silly!”
“Hugable is not a word.”
“It is now!”
“Oh, okay. The others are down there, I only need to wake-up Applejack and the gang will be fully back, in the meantime you can go-”
Zooooom!
“Talk to them.” Discord finished saying while watching the literal trail of fire Pinkie left behind in her mad dash to go pounce hugging Twilight and the others.
“And you...” He then said looking at the poor Hyuga making him gulp in dread.
“I will unzip you, but in exchange...RAINBOW AFRO!” he then said snapping his finger to disappear from the scene.
“That was so youthful.” Rock Lee admitted in wonder.
“You are right, my beloved Student!” Gai conceded in pride.
“More Youthful than you.”
“L-Lee? Are you...A-Are you making comparisons?”
“...”
“I-I can be just as Youthful!”
“Uh-hu.” the boy answered still looking amazed.
“Lee, why are you not looking at me?! What’s wrong between us? I CAN CHANGE!”
“Rainbow Afro?” Neji muttered in horror while taking out a kunai.
An instant later – Opposite side of the Arena – Suna Delegation area -
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” on the notes of Neji’s scream of anguish (and the closest ones to him swore they heard his mind shatter) another look of curiosity appeared on the face of a certain girl from Suna Village.
“What is happening?” Temari asked looking as utter bedlam kept filling half the arena.
“Beats me, sis!” Kankorou answered unsure while adjusting the bandaged bundle on his back.
“Just me doing a good job. This lovely Chaos would be because of me! Isn’t it nice?” Discord said smiling proud as he appeared behind their brother Gaara to hug him from his back.
Tssssh! Immediately the red-haired boy’s sand moved to attack the intruder.
“Piss off!” but at the barked order of the Chaos Entity that same sand formed a “!” shape and hurried back into the gourd, even the thin layer of it secretly covering Gaara’s skin as a hidden armor ran away.
“You really need to sleep, you know? You have dark bags under your eyes so thick they look like mascara.”
“You scared Mother?” Gaara asked.
“Your Mother? You two look nothing alike!” Discord answered shoving a fist inside Gaara’s ear to pull out the life-size giant head of the Tanuki-dog Biju Shukaku.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Temari and Kankurou yelled as one with bulged-out eyes.
“No, that’s Shukaku, the Biju I have sealed inside. By Mother I mean part of my Mother’s soul living inside part of my sand that always protects me.” Gaara explained unperturbed.
“Aah! Well, how was I supposed to know that?” Discord said in realization.
“I thought it was clear.”
“Nope! Even if the idea of a mother protecting her child from beyond the grave is very romantic, is not that common to be easily recognizable.”
“...True, then I apologize for the unclear answer.” Gaara admitted with a nod.
“It’s nothing, but why you look so dead tired?”
“If I sleep Shukaku takes over and starts slaughtering people left and right, so to not hear them whine about it I have to stay awake.”
“I see, what if I make him stop?”
“I would be able to sleep, and in turn I would be very grateful.” Gaara answered.
“Tche! As if! You may be able to make me peak outside, but I no fear no human!” Shukaku answered with a booming voice.
“You sure?” Discord said challenging and zipping open a dark hole in his stomach to pull out the giant head of Kurama the Kyuubi Biju.
“Oh, GOD! Shukaku help me! It’s madness in here! MADNESS!” the poor fox, looking disheveled and with blood-shot eyes, begged with a quivering voice.
“Kurama? The fuck’s happened to ya?”
“Madness, it’s all wrong in there! A huge middle finger shoved in the ass of Gods and Sanity! HE IS RAPING MY MIND WITHOUT LUBE! HELP ME!” the other answered with a crazed look on his face.
“It’s not so bad inside me! Look yourself!” Looking extremely offended, Discord pulled Shukaku’s head inside the same hole for an instant before letting the Biju recoil back in shock with wide eyes.
“AW HELL NAH! I’M NOT GOIN’ IN THERE ANYTIME SOON! Your kid’s bonkers! Going ‘round the bent!” the one-tailed Biju said immediately with a pasty-white face.
“SHUKAKU! GODDAMNIT! HELP ME!” Kurama shrieked a last time before forcefully shoved back inside and the hole got closed.
“So?”
“Kiddo, I’ll be honest with yah. You keep me nogging out of all that mess and this brat’s gonna sleep like a champ, we good? I don’t like that crazy stuff in my turf, ‘kay?” the Biju offered.
“So no wantonly slaughter either?”
“Fuck me if I am not staying put, mate! I’ll sing him a goddamn lullaby too if ya want! Just no madness for Lil’ Shukaku, I enjoy my fun, but I am not crazy!” he answered.
“Good enough. We are good then.” the Chaos Entity conceded.
“Good Fella. Not put me back inside, it’s chilly out here, I prefer hotter climates, like mah desert.” Shukaku answered with a happy smile.
“Okay! It was nice to talk to you.” Discord said with a happy smile and shoving the giant head back into Gaara’s head.
“...He says you are a crazy, please forgive my words, Son of a...Well, you get the idea. So I can sleep now?” Gaara asked.
“If he has any self-preservation, then yes. Can I boop you on the nose?”
Staggered a little by the non-sequitur, Gaara gave an uncertain nod and watched as the blond’s finger booped him on the nose.
“...BigMac? You in there?”
“Eeeyup?” the red-head answered unsure.
“Yep! You are back. I wake up Applejack too and then I will bring you both to Twilight for some explaining, you okay with it?”
“S’long as it’s not too complicated.” Gaara, now BigMac, answered with a thick accent.
“It shouldn’t be.”
“Gaara? You okay?” Temari asked worried.
“Boop!”
Thud!
“TEMARI! What have you done!?” Kankurou demanded furious as he saw his sister collapse once booped on the nose.
“She is fine, I think she was too stressed and my little trick just rebooted her brain a little.” Discord answered waving him off.
“Temari! You okay? Temari! TEMARI!” he said giving her shoulder a little shock.
KA-POW!
In answer to his gesture her eyes snapped open and her fist slammed on his jaw sending him flying.
“Yes...She is okay.” Kankurou, now with his head firmly buried in the concrete of the arena wall, said elated and fainting once finished spitting broken teeth, he still sported a happy smile, surprisingly.
“Applejack?” BigMac asked worried.
“BigMac!” Temari, now Applejack, yelled in surprise as she jumped to her feet to hug him.
“Well, now you are the big sister, other than that, come along! There are lots of things you need to know before this little Tournament starts.” Discord said proud of his handy work and returning the thumbs-up Starswirl the Hokage gave him.
With the Hokage -
“What about Kabuto?” the old man asked curious while watching the Mane 6 plus Guests finally be reunited and debriefed on the situation.
“Ibiki and few others are torturing him, they promised that in ten minutes they will have enough info to disband Oto’s side of the Invasion.” Kakashi answered.
“I don’t like the use of torture...But I guess that when in Rome one must do as the Romans.”
“Eh?”
“Old Equestrian saying.”
“Ooh! Well, unfortunately things work like this now.”
“I know, it’s a bit sad, but there is no choice. What about Suna?” Starswirl asked.
“They will be alone and without their Biju, we should be able to wrap things up quite easily. Oh! Here comes the Kazekage!”
“Good thing Orochimaru had not killed him yet. Now don’t say a thing and act natural.” the Hokage answered, and watching to his dismay how the masked Jounin sat on the floor to look intensely at an apple as if it held every answer to the Universe and Life.
“...You spend too much time with Discord.”
“Good evening, Hokage-sama.” the Kazelage said with royal poise.
“Good evening to you too, Kazekage-sama.” Starswirl answered good-naturally.
“I AM ACTING NATURAL!” Kakashi said loudly and with a robotic tone of voice.
“...Yes...I can see that.” The Kazekage said with a slow and unsure tone, behind him Starswirl grumbled few chosen unflattering words while face-palming.
With the Elements of Harmony – fifteen minutes of fast debriefing later -
“Eeyup! This is a darn complicated story!” Applejack said sighing once Cadence finished telling everybody what Starswirl told her and Shining.
“Timed Reincarnation! I thought it was just a theory!” Twilight, now looking as old as the others thanks to Discord, said in wonder.
“He managed to pull it off instead, and that’s cool.” Dash answered with a low whistle.
“So now we have to be on guard for the Corrupted Tree of Harmony to pop-up, dear?” Rarity asked while still trying to return her hair to its old coif beauty.
“Exactly, We-”
“I found the CMCs!” Discord said from the side-lines, interrupting Shining and looking exceptionally bored.
“Thank you. As I was saying, we need to-”
“And I found dear old Spike.”
“Thank you!” the former unicorn Captain growled with clenched teeth.
“As I was saying-”
“Sasuke, it’s your turn to fight!” Chouji was heard calling-out aloud.
“...You know what? Forget it.” sighing in defeat the former Captain marched down the arena with a very gloomy expression.
“Who’s the guy?” Dash asked.
“Some brute from another place, and that ensemble of veil and sunglasses is a sin against good taste.” Rarity answered huffing.
Down the arena -
“GOOOOOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Discord, sporting a referee outfit and holding a microphone hanging above him from...somewhere above the clouds, yelled happily.
“I am the proctor of this thing.” Anko said annoyed.
“You lack the Charisma needed for this, now let me do my job. KAKASHI! MY REFEREE TABLE!” the blond Chaos God answered haughtily before giving a loud scream worthy of a spoiled-rotten Prima Donna.
“Coming! Coming!” the masked Jounin answered setting a simple table and two seats in a corner of the arena for him and Discord to use.
“I do have charisma!” Anko answered whining.
“Not when you dress like a stripper, darling, and now…”
“ON THE BLUE CORNER! THE SWIRLY EYES OF DOOM! THE MASTER OF FIRE WITH LUSCIOUS RAVEN LOCKS! THE PRODIGY! THE MYTH! SASUKEEEEEEEE!” Discord announced, while barely remembering to use the name Shining’s new body was known as, making a giant curtain of sparks explode behind Shining Armour on the notes of a generic “WWE Wrestler” Music theme.
“Ehm, H-Hi!” Shining answered looking a little embarrassed, especially since Discord had multiplied himself so to fill two thirds of the arena with his copies acting as the former Captain's fans.
“WE LOVE YOU!” the crowd of Discord clones yelled as one showing banners and other paraphernalia with the young man’s “Tattoo” (Cutie Mark).
“And on the red corner...A guy.” Discord then said disinterested.
Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!
In answer to that introduction, complete silence fell in the arena with only some crickets chirping in the background, but even them were putting zero effort in it.
“...Wow, even the tumbleweed refused to show-up, you really suck.” Kakashi said impressed.
“Hey!” the guy from Grass, Dosu or something just as ‘Filler-sounding’, answered highly offended.
“Just break him, we are on a tight schedule.” Anko ordered while sitting on the table.
“You are sitting on my notes, woman.” Discord said in contempt.
“I don’t hear them complain.”
“Very few would complain in their position.” Kakashi admitted.
“True.”
“Good boys, showing some good taste.” the woman answered looking smug.
“I guess we have to fight then.” Shining said.
“You better be ready!” the other guy answered.
“FIGHT!” Anko ordered giving the signal to start.
“AND IT BEGAN! THE GUY FROM GRASS STARTS WITH A FEROCIOUS RIGHT HOOK, BUT IS COUNTERED BY A WONDERFUL FEINT OF SASUKE THAT COUNTERS WITH A SWIFT KICK! OUCH! THAT’S GONNA HURT TOMORROW! BUT HERE COMES THE GUY’S ANSWER, ANOTHER MISS! DEAR GOD WHAT A FIGHT! WHAT INTENSITY! SUCH MANLY BRUTALITY! I CAN’T BELIEVE SUCH YOUNG BOYS CAN UNLEASH THIS MUCH POWER! FIRE TECHNIQUES! FIRE TECHNIQUES ARE FILLING THE SKY! IT’S A MASSACRE!” Immediately Discord went into mad rambling, looking extremely excited.
“...”
“...”
“...Are we really doing all that stuff?” Shining asked as he and the Grass Genin had barely reached each other only to stop so to listen to the wild things the blond was commentating about.
“OH, SWEET HEAVEN! THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND TEETH FLYING IN EVERY DIRECTION!...”
“I-I don’t know...” the other answered unsure.
“WOW! THAT LOOKS LIKE A BROKEN LEG FOR DOSU!”
“…”
“I said: THAT LOOKS LIKE A BROKEN LEG FOR DOSU. The script, guys! Follow the script! Damn amateurs.” Discord said again with an annoyed frown while waving around a stack of paper.
“Ehm...Should I?...You know…Break your-” Shining asked unsure.
“Fuck no!”
“But it’s written here: ‘Dosu (broken Leg): “Aaah! My leg, damn you, you sexy (but not as sexy as the Legendary Chaos hunk Discord, for he is super manly) Konoha ninja.” fall to the floor like a wimp.’ see? Right here.” Anko, highly amused by the whole thing, said showing said script to the boys.
“Why here says I have to be shirtless and with oiled abs?” Shining asked horrified.
“Fanservice.” Kakashi answered.
“Who wrote this shit!?” the Grass Genin asked furious.
“I did it, why?” the Chaos god answered, now sitting on a director’s seat while wearing a basque beret.
“I am completely Out of Character in here! I am not so wimpy!”
“Bah! As if you know what true art is!”
Up in the stands -
“Is he really discussing with Discord about this?!” Twilight asked shocked.
“Twilight, I am afraid that the common mind-set of a Ninja is bordering on pure madness, it should be clear once seen that even his most outrageous behavior is not looked as too much out of ordinary.” Cadence answered sighing.
“So ninjas here are bonkers?” Dash asked unsure.
“Pretty much, I guess it’s their way to cope with the endless bloodshed and violence they are forced to go through on a daily base.” the Love Alicorn answered.
“Fuck it! Just because like this this farce will end!” CRACK! Dosu answered before breaking his own leg and arm following the script.
“But I am almost certain Discord’s mere presence is also helping along.” Cadence said shaking her head.
“Winner of the fight, Sasuke!” Discord declared with a happy smile.
“...By the way, there was no script.” he then said smirking.
“WHAT?!”
“Really, a ninja should always look underneath the underneath, who on God’s green Earth would have a script, and even follows one, during a fight?” Kakashi said dropping the act and sealing away table and seats.
“But-but!”
“And do not pull a ‘that’s cheating’ card, we are ninja, WE CHEAT ALWAYS AND CONTINUOUSLY, if you follow the rules and act honorably then you are no better than a Samurai.” Anko added with a scrunched nose.
“But! But!” poor Dosu kept saying as his mind slowly crumbled into a fine dust.
“Really, you just had to ignore me and fight normally, nobody would have had anything to say against it! It’s not my fault if you are so damn gullible.” Discord closed the discussion by lifting Shining’s arm up in the air while declaring him the winner.
“But! But! But! But!” the Grass Genin kept repeating like a broke record while two doctors carted him away on a stretcher, and he didn’t look like about to stop saying ‘But!’ any time soon.
“...No, I was mistaken, apparently bucking with other people’s head is common Ninja practice. Just a matter of getting used to it then, I guess.” Cadence admitted looking surprised.
“So they just play along with what Discord does?” Pinkie asked.
“Yes, probably the same way aunt Celestia and Luna used to do: play along and/or ignore him until he calms down by himself and just making sure he doesn’t make too much damage.”
“That and a little trick that goes: ‘It is not my problem!’ also known as ‘Nope!’. That is why the shinobi side of Konoha is openly ignoring his antics while the civilians freak out whenever he pulls a trick of his. Unfortunately for them we Ninja outnumber the civilians three-to-one, so they won’t make ripples anytime soon.” Kakashi explained once joined them.
“That is even worse, I hate being ignored.” Discord said, annoyed.
“Who’s next?” AJ asked cusious.
“Oh! Me! Me! Me!” Pinkie said excited as she hurried down in the arena.
“Dissy?”
“Yes?…Don’t tell me, you want a Party Cannon?” he answered with a deadpan tone.
“Pleeeeeeeeeease!” the party maniac begged.
“Fine! Left pocket.”
“Yay!”
“...I am not getting paid enough for this.”
“Once done here we will take care of the details ourselves, please hold on for just a minute more.” Twilight answered rolling her eyes.
“Fine!”
Down in the Arena Chouji looked in apprehension as the girl he knew as a stoic no-nonsense girl had out of the blue turned into a bubbly pink-haired kid in a perennial sugar-rush tinkering with a human-sized bright-pink cannon she took out of her pockets instead of unsealing it from a scroll.
“Isn’t that against the rules?” he asked sweating nervously.
“She is registered as a ‘Weapons Expert’, so heavy artillery is permitted, now suck it up and FIGHT!” Anko answered annoyed.
BANG!
“Kyaaah!” the chubby boy shrieked dodging as enough pastry goodies to cover for several weddings’ catering rained on him along other party-themed amenities, but with enough power to demolish the wall behind him.
“THAT’S A WASTE OF PIES!” he said in scandal.
“You sure?” Pinkie answered appearing behind him.
“Aaah!” Chouji yelled in fear jumping away.
“You are too jumpy, too much stress?”
“Ah! STOP APPEARING BEHIND ME!”
“...”
“...Good.”
“...”
“Where is she?” he asked aloud in dread.
“Down here!”
“KYAAAAAAAAH!” the boy scurried away as soon as he saw her laying on the floor under him and falling sitting on something cold and uncomfortable.
Click!
“...I am sitting on her cannon, am I?” Chouji asked, already crying in agony.
“Yep! Any last words?” Anko asked smirking.
“Remember me as a dashing hero.” Chouji asked trying to look dignified.
BANG!
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…” the poor boy bellowed as his silhouette soon turned into a tiny dot in the horizon.
“Well, I guess we can call you the winner.” Anko said shrugging as soon as they finally heard that faint Crash! Of Chouji’s landing reach them.
“Yay! What did I win?” Pinkie asked immediately.
“Still nothing, win in the Finals and you will be named Chunin.”
“That’s it?” she asked pouting.
“I’ll buy you a lollipop too, okay?”
“And a cupcake?” she asked with starry eyes.
“That too, but you’ll have to be a good girl.” Anko conceded sighing.
“Okay! Bye!” Pinkie promised while running back to her friends.
“...Okay, she is far enough.”
“GAI! I TOLD YOU THOSE PINGING SMILES AND TIGHTS AND YOUTH BULLSHIT SPEECHES WOULD HAVE SCARRED HER! NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!” Anko roared furious.
“I didn’t do anything wrong! Your accusations wound me!” Gai answered huffing.
“My feet are going to wound your ass if you do not tone it down to human levels, you damn moron!” she answered almost foaming at the mouth.
“Tche!”
“Whatever, next fight: Shino Aburame VS Kiba Inuzuka!”
“Psssh-pssh-pssh.” Discord appeared near Anko to whisper something in her hear.
“Oh! Okay...Who am I to judge?”
“Change of plans! Kiba just went through a spontaneous (somehow!) Change of gender, SHE now prefers being called Dash. Please show some support and do not antagonize her, we all are free to live our life as we wish.” Anko said aloud.
“Thank you.” Discord said before disappearing.
“Both ready?” the proctor asked as soon as both contestants descended in the arena.
“Yes.” Shino, still troubled at having his best friend turning into a hot girl, answered.
“Yeah, somehow. How can you go around with those things on the front?” Dash said while still adjusting her jacket wrapping too tight around her breast.
“Try wearing a bigger jacket.”
Ziiip!
“Aah! Much better! Really, being unable to pull them in is a nightmare!” Dash said uncaring, undoing her jacket and shirt, thus flashing her graces to everybody present.
“Should we explain to Dash that nudity HERE is not accepted, contrary to Equestria?” Rarity said groaning as they saw Shino’s eyes bulge out at the free show he was getting.
“Probably. But is dear Shino going to be alright?” Fluttershy answered unsure.
“Unless she takes away her pants too, he will be fine. He will be VERY distracted, but fine.” Shining, ever the gentleman(Colt), said while dutifully covering his eyes.
Snap! THUD!
“OKAY! NO! The pants stay up! This is a Ninja Village, the Hookers’ Village is elsewhere!” Anko yelled while pouncing on Dash to forcefully redress her as soon as she unbuckled her pants and was about to pull them down.
“But I am uncomfortable!” Dash said whining.
“Ask your friends to take you shopping for comfy female clothes then! And PLEASE can somebody come to recover the Aburame boy, he is not breathing!” the woman answered, annoyed.
“Kiba...Girl...Friend...Boobs...Friend...Girl...Cute...Error! Error! Error!”
“Poor boy, he is having a mental breakdown.” one of the doctors said shaking his head.
“It always happens! You first think that ‘you’ and that ‘hot girl’ can just be friends, then you start having not-innocent thoughts and you no longer know what to do. It always happens.” the man’s partner answered as both she and him carried Shino away while ignoring his mad ramblings.
“But I wanted to fight!” Dash said crossing her arms.
“In the Finals you’ll fight as much as you want, for now just focus on getting used to be a girl.” Anko answered hushing her away.
With Starswirl -
“Well, things are going fairly okay. I just hope that during the Finals things won’t go down too much too fast.” Starswirl muttered unsure as while it seemed like he was watching the rest of the fights, from the corner of his eyes he kept watching the Kazekage next to him, and the calculative gaze the man had.
“He is planning something, even without a Partner, the Invasion may still happen.” the old Hokage thought with narrowed eyes and silently preparing his counteroffensive, hoping that before the worst happens they will manage to find Luna and Celestia too to join them.
Omake – Discord tries his hand at torture -
Konoha – secret facility -
“Howdy!” Discord said as he popped-out of the water dispenser right outside one of the interrogation rooms, scaring Ibiki and Anko to the point of almost jumping out of their own skin.
“FUCK! Stop doing that!” Ibiki roared furious.
“Really, ever since you learned to bend over the Laws of Physics you have been unbearable.” Anko added panting a little.
“I know they like it, they call me Daddy now.”
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing. What are you doing?” The Chaos Master asked.
“Ah, this? The guy should know something about the Invasion Orochimaru was planning with Suna. But his tongue is tied tighter than the chastity belt of a monk, so we were taking a pause while thinking new ways to torture him.” Ibiki answered while jamming a thumb towards the smirking mass of bruises that should be their ‘guest’.
“So...You are doing nothing with him at the moment?” Discord asked.
“No, but you can’t play with him. We need him sane and alive.” Anko answered.
“No playing, I just need a stranger to see a small movie I made,”
“A movie?”
“I am trying my hand at film-making, but if I ask the girls they will say they love it just to not hurt my feelings, and I need constructive criticism.” Discord answered.
“That’s it?” Ibiki asked in surprise.
“Yep!”
“May as well, what could possibly go wrong?” Anko answered shrugging.
Four hours later -
“And here I am filming a fly cleaning itself on top of a bathroom seat for three hours straight, to symbolize the downfall of Society under the weight of the rampant consumerism plaguing it.” Discord explained while putting new eye-drops in the prisoner’s eyes, having chosen to go with the ‘Ludovico Technique’ to be sure he could not lose a single detail.
“Gaaaah!” the man gurgled horrified.
It was a clear case of ‘Film Artistique’.
It was a long, pedantic maudlin-style movie clearly filmed with shoestring budget and in monochrome, mostly filmed with foreign dialogue with subtitles (“To appease the common folk” Discord explained sniffling annoyed) and with absurdly long static takes and depressing piano music background.
Not only it was hellishly depressing, but it was also filled to the brim in pretentiousness, a truck-worth of Pretentiousness dripping from every single frame.
FINALLY the scene changed to a plain grass-field devoid of anything and occupied only by Discord himself, his human body as a reincarnated completely naked and covered in a substance he explained was jello, wildly dancing around while fat midgets dressed in a leotard walked around him in a circle brandishing swordfishes and chanting: “Moj život neće biti zaglavljen u vašem unutrašnjem kriminalu!”over and over.
(Moj život neće biti zaglavljen u vašem unutrašnjem kriminalu! Serbian for: My Life Shall not be the Jam of your inner turmoil!)
“Isn’t it good? The intrinsic anguish of human nature staring right at you without the filters of our own insecurities and misconceptions!” Discord said with an ecstatic expression.
“I’ll DALK! I’LL DALK! MAKH IT SHTOB!” the man begged through the gag in his mouth.
“Look! Now here is the best part!”
Now the camera zoomed inside the eye of a goat nearby to the point it filled the screen before zooming out to show the blades of a blender in the hands of a clown about to use the thing to blend a lilac flower with a calculator ,at the same time in the background a mime smashed a long-case clock with a sledgehammer and a cat walked over a piano waking-up the hold lady sleeping on it.
“BLEASHE MAHE IT SHTOB!” the prisoner sobbed uncontrollably.
Seventy-three hours later -
Fin!
At those words, written with a very classy loopy handwriting, the prisoner gave a sigh of relief marred by a broken smile.
“OH, DHANK GOD!”
Fin…Of act 1. THEN the rest of the words appeared on screen making his eyes bulge-out even more than what the contraption around his head was doing.
“This was only the beginning, act 1 acts as an introduction, that is why it is so short. The other twelve acts are three times longer, and that is where my true genius shines forth!” Discord declared happily.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The prisoner yelled in madness as he wildly fought against the bindings holding him on the chair while also crying in despair.
“While you enjoy my movie, I’ll go ask dear Ibiki and Anko what they think about it.” Discord, showing a truly happy smile, said while opening the door to leave the sobbing wreck of a prisoner alone with his creation.
“So? Do you like it?” he asked, still smiling.
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
“DROP THAT KUNAI, IBIKI! DROP IT!” Anko yelled while she and other three burly men wrestled with the crazed Torture Expert.
“NO! IF I DO NOT GOUGE OUT MY EYES THE IMAGES WON’T GO AWAY!” Ibiki, looking like he finally cracked, yelled in madness as he still tried to blind himself with a kunai.
“TOO PRETENTIOUS! TOO PRETENTIOUS!” he kept bellowing as another ninja jumped him.
“...You people do not understand true art.” Discord said sniffling offended.
Some time later – Iwa -
“Onoki-sama! You got a package from Konoha!”
“Eh? What do they want?” the old man, the Leader of one of the Villages Konoha was ‘less-than-friendly’ with asked annoyed.
“They say that if we manage to see this movie to the end without skipping a single second, they will willingly deliver us the secrets of the two Techniques their defunct Fourth Hokage used to personally defeat our entire Village.”
“Where is the catch?” Onoki asked with narrowed eyes.
“The film is pretty long and we cannot skip ahead, if we do they will know and not only we won’t get those secrets, but we will be known as ignorant peasants. Apparently is an independent movie.” the messenger said with a scrunched nose.
“Ah! Too easy! Back in the days those pretentious movies were everywhere! Put the disk in! I’ll show them that in this case too old age is a virtue! We will project it in the Village’s main square, it will be a group effort that will bring us to victory!” Onoki answered smugly.
Three days later -
“AAAAAAH!”
“TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH!”
“IT’S HORRIBLE!”
“THE IMAGES! THE IMAGES ARE MELTING MY BRAIN!”
Iwa Village was a mess, wild flames burning three-fourths of the buildings while every villager went around screaming in madness or spiraling into unhinged crying fits while the once powerful Village simply collapsed on itself into a ruins-filled hole of deranged broken men.
“They couldn’t even finish watching the whole thing. It was way more effective than what I thought.” Starswirl said impressed while spying the results with a pair of binoculars.
“Dear Starswirl, maybe you overdid.” Celestia said grimacing at the sheer aura of despair hanging over Iwa.
“Tia is right, old teacher. You went way overboard.” Luna added looking particularly saddened.
Behind them the Elements of Harmony, Shining and Cadence looked shocked as even the animals nearby started falling into hysteria.
All of them except Fluttershy, she was more occupied with Discord and his acute case of Depression.
“I just wanted to show everybody my creation.” the Chaos Master said still moping and pouting.
“Maybe you should start with something more simple? Like a Love Comedy?” the shy girl offered with a gentle smile.
Sniffle! Sniffle! “Aren’t those too Mainstream?”
“You can show your talent by making some that are not! I am sure you will make a wonderful job.”
“You think I can?” Discord asked with a touched expression.
“Sure! Start little, then once everypo-everybody knows you you can make more...More...”
“More artistic ones?”
“Yes.”
“Did you see this one?”
“No. Uuhmm...M-Monochrome gives me a headache every time I watch it for too long.” Fluttershy answered a bit hesitantly, and for once AJ didn’t feel the need to call her out on lying.
“I still don’t understand what the fuss is about, sure it’s a bit long and some scenes could have been filmed better. But there is nothing so outrageous in it.” Rarity said huffing.
“Of course Rarity liked it, it’s a classy movie after all!” Dash muttered rolling her eyes.
“For the Law of probability, at least ONE person, besides Discord, in the entire Universe that sees the movie and likes it has to exist.” Twilight answered unsure.
“Fine! I’ll make a more commercial Love Comedy, but just so you know, you are limiting my creativity!” Discord said in great annoyance.
“Creativity.” Starswirl, Luna and Celestia said in chorus while watching the Ninjas of Iwa self-destruct in front of them.
Those three could only shudder at the image and send a prayer to those poor victims.
End of the Omake.
Chap 1: The return of Discord
Chapter 1: I am Discord, thus I am awesome.
Forest of death – Konoha – Chuunin Exam -
“I am sorry, my boy! But I can't let you interfere with my plans. Five-pronged Seal!” a man with deadly-pale skin said while thrusting a hand covered in purple energy on the stomach of a blond boy with whisker marks, knocking him unconscious with the painful sensation of his chakra being sealed away.
“NARUTO! Damn it!” a boy with raven-coloured hair hissed angrily, watching powerless as the blond boy went thrown down from the huge tree branch they all were in and slamming his head on one of the rocks resting under the tree.
“Ops!” the pale man said with a mocking chuckle as he loomed closer to the two remaining teens.
“W-W-What are we going to do now?” Sakura asked shivering in fear.
“We find a way to escape and...and recover our Teammate’s body.” Sasuke answered grimacing with clenched teeth.
Meanwhile – at the base of the tree -
Blood was slowly flowing from the cracked skull of the blond boy as between his chakra being in disarray and the fact that his brain as well got seriously damaged, his life was slowly slipping away.
“Boy! Pull it together! BOY!...Can you hear me, you brat!?” the voice of the nine-tailed fox sealed inside his body echoed in the blond’s mind as the Biju too could feel his Vessel’s life fading away, meaning that he too would have perished along the young shinobi.
It was the exact moment when the boy’s heart stopped beating that “Something” happened, it felt as if the Universe itself got forcefully stretched to the side and then left spring back in position, a lurching to the side that had even Kurama inside the Seal stumble forward.
“What the fuck?!” the Biju muttered unsure as he tried once again to force the boy’s heart to beat only for it to do it by itself, through the perfect rendition of the macarena at that.
“Eh?!” Kurama asked aloud with a dumbfound expression as a full mariachi orchestra now joined the heartbeat, vocalists comprised.
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena!
At the “Hey Macarena!” the blond’s eyes snapped open as he jumped to his feet.
“OLE!” he yelled in incomparable happiness while opening his arms as if to welcome Creation itself.
It was an instant, an instant in which EVERYBODY heard his cheerful scream and could somehow hear every single Law of Physics and Common Sense scream in agony in answer to this happy voice.
In fact, as soon as the last echo of the blond’s 'Ole!’ died down, every single cloud above the Forest had turned immediately pink like cotton candy and started pouring down chocolate milk in a thick deluge.
With Sasuke, Sakura and Orochimaru -
“W-What?” Orochimaru asked dumbly as several squirrels escaped the trees while barking, mewling or just turning into pink-with-blue-polka-dots flamingos.
“Chocolate? It’s raining chocolate?” Sasuke asked in disbelief as the whole Forest of Death turned into something out of a demented kid-show, eyes and big mouths on the trees comprised.
“S-S-Sasuke-kun...T-The trees are watching us...Everything looks like one of my cousin’s drawings over my grandma’s fridge!” Sakura stuttered in horror as several plants started blowing soap bubbles, turn to licorice or even sing merrily like a barber quartet group.
“This is not an Illusion...This is real...” Orochimaru muttered with narrowed eyes while taking a pair of turtles that had seemingly decided they wanted to be completely made of bread and tearing them to pieces.
“Even the organs are made of bread, and the blood too...How?” he wondered while throwing away the two dead animals uncaring.
“Of course is not an Illusion! I take pride in what I do, thank you!” A cheerful voice said merrily.
“The brat?” the Snake Sannin asked confused.
“Naruto!” Sasuke said shocked.
“Who?” the blond replied as his hand came out from Sakura’s ear to grab a near branch and pull his whole body out of her head.
“Eeeep!” the girl in the meantime screeched in horror at watching her Teammate exiting her ear like that.
“What do you mean, who? YOU are Naruto!” Sasuke answered.
“Uuuhm!...Nope! Sorry, but the name doesn’t ring any bells...See? No bells’ ringing!” the blond replied beheading himself with a plastic Pop! Sound to shake his head before popping it back in place.
“I-I-I...Y-You...” the two teens tried saying with their mouths opening and closing without a single coherent word coming out.
“What have you done, brat?” Orochimaru hissed angrily.
“Again with the ‘Brat’. You are awfully rude,” the blond answered with an exaggerated pout as he was now the size of an apple while sitting on the Sannin’s shoulder.
“GAH!” the man yelled in surprise and shoving the tiny boy away.
“Rude and completely tactless, did your mother teach you manners at all?” the young boy replied huffing as he returned to his original size, snatching a butterfly mid-air to turn it into a lollipop and then start eating it.
“N-Naruto...Are you okay?” Sakura, looking extremely scared, asked slowly as if trying to not anger him.
“Again with that name. I am not this Boruto-”
“Naruto.” Sasuke corrected.
“Naruto guy. I am Discord!...And you two look awfully familiar...”
“Of course we do! We are in the same Tea-GACK!” Sasuke tried saying before the blond stomped on his feet, but instead of making the Uchiha boy scream in pain it opened the top half of his head like a lid to show his brain.
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Sakura at that answered by rerouting all her power to her lungs to scream in horror as hard as she could.
“There is the problem! I’ll fix it in a second.” Nar-Discord said happily as he took out the brain to put it inside a blender that was NOT in his hands a second ago, and without plugging it anywhere, he turned it on (without the lid and somehow not making a mess) until the brain turned into a pinkish goo he then poured back into Sasuke’s head and then closing the boy’s cranium without leaving a mark on him.
“FUUUUUU-DGE!” what started as a pretty-common curse soon turned into a kid-friendly one as Sasuke’s eyes turned blue and he fell sitting down.
“S-Sasuke-kun!” Sakura yelled.
“...Who?” the boy answered confused.
“Glad to see you are back, Shining.” Discord said happily.
“Back...Wait!...Discord?!” Sasu...Shining Armour said shocked.
“In the flesh!...More or less, but I’ll fix it later. How’s it being reincarnated? Sure as Tartarus it’s confusing for me!” Discord answered laughing.
“What have you done to him?” Sakura growled.
“I’ll help you in a second, Cadence.” Discord replied uncaring as he took away the marking on Shining’s neck with a faint frip! Sound.
“Eh?” Orochimaru muttered always more confused as his beloved Cursed Mark went removed like a band-aid and tossed on one of the dancing bears under the tree that like that gained a new tacky tattoo on its forehead.
“Cadence? Caddy?” Shining asked unsure.
“In a moment.” the blond replied appearing behind the pink haired girl making her jump and take a fighting stance.
“D-D-D-Do not touch me or I will-”
“Boop!” Discord replied booping her on the nose making her go cross-eyed and fall down sitting on the floor.
“WAIT! Why I got my brain blended and she got a boop?!” Shining asked outraged.
“Meh! Who knows!” he replied smirking.
“That’s favoritism!” the Uchiha boy said shocked.
“Yes, yes it is.”
“Oh my...Celestia...My Head.” Cadence in the meantime moaned in agony.
“Caddy! You okay!?” Shining yelled in apprehension as he immediately hurried at her side.
“Shiny? SHINY!” Cadence yelled as she dived for a hug as soon as she heard his voice.
“Aaaaw! Isn’t this just so sappily romantic, Snake Guy? I can feel the sugar levels in my blood sky-rocket just by looking at them!”
“What are you doing?!” Orochimaru asked finally growing tired of the whole thing.
“Uuuhm! Do you guys believe in reincarnation?” Discord asked curious as he snapped his fingers, making his old dragon tail break through the back of his pants so to use it as a make-shift seat.
“...I’ll sew them later.” he then said huffing.
“Reincarnation?” Orochimaru asked amused.
“Yep! You see...I am Discord! I am the King of Chaos and Disharmony! And wherever there is Chaos I always pop-up! It has been a while since last time I was alive though. Fluttershy had eventually grown old and...I didn’t like the idea...So I left myself go.” he admitted.
“Aaaaw!”
“Do not read too much into it, Cadence!” Discord said rolling his eyes.
“I can’t help it! I KNEW you two would make an excellent couple!” the former pink Alicorn, now pink-haired human, gushed happily.
“Blah! Blah! Blah!” the Chaos entity replied sarcastic.
“So you let yourself die, and now you are back?” Orochimaru asked sounding even more amused.
“You are not believing me...I see...”
Striiip!
“Do you believe me now?” the blond asked holding the Sannin’s mouth in his hand, and not his flesh, but literally his mouth, as if the thing had been a sticker on the man’s face leaving him with smooth flesh on his now mouthless face.
“UUUUHM! UUUUHM!” going from smugness to panic, the Sannin kept pawing the area where his mouth should be and looking at the opening (teeth, throat, tongue and everything else) in the boy’s hand.
“To say it in a manner that even you will understand...I am Discord, I can do everything I want, whenever I want. EVERYTHING.” the reborn entity said clapping his hands haughtily, immediately switching day to night.
“Uh?!”
“Everything.” he said returning the time-frame to day,then summoning a top-hat on his head he gave it a tip, action that caused everything around him, except himself, to tilt to the side following the hat for an instant before everything returned to normal as soon as he made the accessory disappear.
“E-ve-ry-thing.” he finished saying snapping his fingers four times and turning the sun blue, green, purple and then back to normal at each snap.
“Got it?” Discord said slapping Orochimaru’s mouth back on the man’s face making him stumble back.
“Eh?”
“I think you broke him.” Shining said while still looking at his new hands in great interest.
“Yes, Shining, you and Cadence have hands instead of hooves...How strange!” Discord answered bored.
“I get it we have been reincarnated in a new body by you...It’s just strange to not be a pony...” Cadence said looking at her lack of tail with a pout.
“It was easy, you ARE reincarnated into new bodies, I just made sure you would remember your old life and notice the differences with this one.” the Chaos Entity answered uncaring.
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
“...Have you quite done?” Discord asked with a raised eyebrow as he watched Orochimaru try to use the Kusanagi sword to pierce his stomach and getting a quacking sound as the only answer every time the tip pierced flesh.
Even then, the stabbing looked like done in auto-pilot as there was no viciousness behind it, just childlike curiosity as he gently shoved the tip of the blade deep into Discord’s flesh without a drop of blood coming out.
“...What are you?” the Sannin finally asked as the lack of sense in the whole situation forced his brain into desperate rebooting.
“I normally look like this.” he answered grabbing his tongue and pulling his whole body inside-out to transform into his old Draconequus persona, mismatched animal parts and all.
“Oh.” was all the intelligent answer the normally genius Sannin could come-up with.
“I know, I know, I was just too gorgeous.” he answered repeating the tongue-grabbing gesture and returning human.
“Can you please return the forest to normal? I fear you are attracting even too much attention.” Shining asked looking at the Mad House the forest had turned into.
“And I should care why?”
“Pretty please?” Cadence replied with a gentle smile.
“...Oh, fine! Just because we have to look for the girls.” Discord answered annoyed as he used the tuft of fur on the tip of his tail to form a hand, snap its fingers and return everything to normal.
“The girls?” Shining asked surprised.
“If I am here it means the Elements of Harmony are here, and if we both are here it means something big is going to happen that will require the Elements. I just hope this also mean that since Cadence (Alicon Princess of Love) is here then Lulu and Celly too are somewhere, and I need close proximity to recognize them in their new bodies. I just woke-up, I need time for my powers to return.” Discord answered.
“So Twilight is somewhere?” Shining asked immediately.
“She was the Princess of Friendship and her friends were the Elements, if we are lucky it should be enough for them to be here like us...Even if with you I had to force things a little, Shiny.” he answered.
“Ooh!” the former stallion answered in surprise.
“Alicorns were always defined deities, so it makes it easier for us to reincarnate?” Cadence asked as the trio walked away leaving Orochimaru standing there while still stabbing the air in front of him.
“It’s because you ARE Love, Lulu is the Moon and Celly is the Sun and Twilight Friendship itself, like me you others are constants, as long as the thing you embody exist, you exist. Hopefully the Elements will act as a good enough anchor to bring the others back as well, I would prefer them being back instead of dealing with whoever is the new group of Chosen Ones.” he answered.
“And the others? And Fluffy Heart?” Cadence asked in sadness.
“Probably are back, probably are not. Until I recover my full power I won’t be able to tell, it will take me pretty much a month to “wake-up” fully and recover, same goes for you and your Magic.”
“Our Magic?” Shining asked.
“It will return, you already have your cutie marks back...Your shoulder.” the other answered tapping his own shoulder.
“My...Oh!” the captain said in surprise as he rolled his sleeves to see the tattoo of his old cutie mark on his shoulder.
“But we don’t have a horn.” Cadence said confused.
“The people here, and I refrain from calling them humans as they definitely aren’t, have their own brand of Magic. Just do as I do and use your hands for it and-”
“WHOA!”
“Shining! Your eyes!”
“Exactly. You have your memories old and new, use them.” Discord said waving him off as the Tower in the middle of the Forest came into view.
“This is...So freaky…” Shining said as the morphed eyes of his body scanned the whole forest.
“I am sure you will pull through, or Twilight will. I am sure she will love to study a whole new branch of Magic and how her new body works.”
“...”
“...”
“Yes?” inhaling deeply to reign-in his anger, the Chaos Entity looked at the two blushing teens with narrowed eyes.
“...While we do that...” Cadence asked shyly.
“...If we are in private...can you give back our pony bodies to us and the others?” Shining finished asking.
“You are awfully trusting.”
“We are kind of lost at the moment, any help matters.” Cadence answered with an uneasy smile.
“I’ll think about it, now let’s enter.” Discord answered shrugging.
“We lack a scroll for it, we need to have two...I think.” Shining said unsure.
“Please see to study your new memories.” Discord answered whining as he turned a hiding trio of Genin from Kusa into frogs to recover their scroll.
“Here it is. Now get inside.” he then said pointing towards the entrance of the Tower.
Meanwhile – with Orochimaru -
“Orochimaru!” Hiruzen yelled as he and a squadron of ANBU reached the area the Sannin was in to find him still stabbing in front of himself.
“Sensei?” Orochimaru answered turning to look at him with a broken smile.
“What are you doing here?” the Third Hokage demanded with a furious expression.
“And why everything is covered in chocolate?” an ANBU muttered curious as he looked around.
“C-Chocolate? Hee-hee-hee…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” at that the Sannin broke down into mad laughing as he clawed the sides of his head until blood started pouring out and sporting wide eyes lacking every form of sanity whatsoever.
“Oh, God...He finally cracked.” another ANBU said in shock as the now-fully-insane Sannin kept laughing and laughing.
“Orochi-kun?” Hiruzen asked sadly as he neared the poor man.
“Chocolate rained from the sky, Sensei! Flamingos danced and turtles were made of bread! Bwahahahahaha!” the crazy man replied as he fell deeper into madness and into broken giggles.
“We have several Genin Teams saying that they were attacked by gummy bears and others rambling about the few sources of water they found turning into orange juice. There must be something here that causes people to hallucinate, Hokage-sama.”
“But there really is chocolate here...OH, GOD! WE ALREADY ARE UNDER ITS EFFECT!” Another ANBU screeched in horror.
“Evacuate the Forest! Wear the breathing masks and do not touch anything! Take every Genin out of here and to the hospital! The Forest is under quarantine until we understand what is happening!” A wide-eyed Hiruzen ordered as he immediately covered his mouth and nose with a sleeve of his clothes.
“YES, HOKAGE-SAMA!” the ANBU replied as one.
“And...And take Orochimaru to the Asylum...For him is already too late.” the Hokage then said with a broken heart.
A week later – Training Ground 7 -
“You sure you removed every trace of your passage from that Forest?” Cadence asked worried.
“I did, I did. But I still think people here overreact to the smallest things.” Discord answered whining childishly.
“Until we find my sister and the others we need to lay low.” Shining said as the three of them were still waiting for their Team Sensei to arrive.
“Tch!”
“Good evening! How do you feel?” Kakashi asked curious while discreetly checking them from head to toe.
“Just peachy.” Discord answered turning into a giant peach and breaking free from inside it with a wide smile.
“GOOD GOD I AM RELAPSING!” Kakashi shrieked with a high-pitched tone.
“You are not relapsing, Mister Kakashi. Please let us explain.” Cadence answered sighing, she knew they needed to find Fluttershy as soon as possible if they wanted to have some kind of leash to keep Discord under control.
One hour later -
Kakashi was not crazy, nooo! Years of sorrow and guilt have not finally made his brain collapse on itself so to have him suffer of vivid hallucinations, like Itachi’s brother turning into a white Unicorn with blue mane, little cute Sakura into a winged unicorn colored in shades of pink and Minato-sensei’s beloved son into...That orgy of animal parts now talking to him about an Equestria place and their being reincarnations...Nope! He was sane! SANE!
Everything was normal! NORMAL! HE WAS SAAAAANE!
“Can we enter?” Cadence asked as she looked at the straight-jacket wearing Kakashi from outside his personal padded room.
“Yes, but if he gets violent we are pulling you out.” one of the doctors said shaking his head in pure sadness.
“Have you calmed down a little?” Shining asked as he, Cadence and Discord (all three back into looking human) sat in front of the man as soon as the door closed behind them.
“I told you that transforming in front of him was still too soon.” Discord said bored.
“Ponies don’t talk,” Kakashi said in desperate defiance.
“Depends on the kind of ponies you are dealing with.” Discord answered shrugging.
“What is happening?” the bound man asked weakly.
“There seems to be something going on for me and the others to be here, and I think I know who to ask?”
“Who?” Cadence asked confused.
In answer the blond Chaos Entity zipped open a hole in the wall to drag Hiruzen inside the padded cell for the shock of the ones watching.
“What the?!” the old man yelped in surprise for his improvise change of location.
“Hokage-sama?” Kakashi said in shock.
“What have you done, you old fool?” Discord asked grumbling annoyed.
“I don’t understand, my boy.” the Hokage replied taken aback.
In answer the short boy grabbed the sides of the Hokage’s head to behead him with a Pop! Sound to shake Hiruzen’s head vigorously and then put it back together, also causing one of the doctors watching faint at the scene while Kakashi seemed about to relapse into mad raving.
“I need to talk to Starswirl in there. What happened?” Discord asked again with narrowed eyes.
“STARSWIRL?!” Shining and Cadence yelled with wide eyes.
“...Eeeh! How can I explain this, now?” Hiruzen answered sighing as he snapped his fingers making a pipe appear in his hand.
“Start from the beginning.” Discord answered doing the same, only his blowing out bubbles instead of smoke.
“Yes, that sounds like a nice plan.” Kakashi answered faintly.
“In short: While I was trapped ‘outside Time itself’ I saw the end of the world happen, and took countermeasures...Only I fear I miscalculated the time needed for the ‘forced’ reincarnation to happen and overshot of a couple thousand years.” the old man said looking ashamed of himself.
“And Discord too featured in this plan of yours?” Cadence asked.
“Not even in the slightest. Nothing personal.”
“Meh!” the Chaos God answered uncaring.
“I guess his existence is linked to the existence of the Elements of Harmony, being their perfect reflection and counterpart means that if they awake then he too does.”
“Yes, he said the same thing.” Shining confirmed.
“And let’s hear, what caused the ponykind to disappear and those pseudo-humans to pop out in their place?” Discord asked curious.
“Believe it or not, The Tree of Harmony did.”
“EH?!” Cadence and Shining yelled in shock.
“...I am not following...” Kakashi muttered unsure.
“Let him explain, then I will give you a rapid run-down of terms and background trivia.” Discord answered bored.
“Thank you.”
“The Tree did it? Why? How?!” Cadence asked shocked.
“Apparently taking away the Elements of Harmony from it left a ‘hole’ in its essence, and even giving them back to remove the Pluderseeds Discord created did not refill it...My best guess is that in the period where the Elements had been removed the tree got corrupted by itself as it was no longer kept absolutely pure by their Magic. The tree had so started longing for its Elements to be returned, and in that state it knew ‘Hunger’ and ‘Greed’...So when Twilight and the others gave it back the Elements it saw that the ‘Hole’ it had in its spirit was not fully satisfied...And it started wanting more Magic.” Starswirl explained sighing.
“And you saw all that.” Discord asked rhetorically.
“I can’t tell if it was a vision of the Future or if I was literally living through it as for me Time no longer held meaning, but I saw that through the ages the tree’s roots had covered the whole planet like a spiderweb, and when it found the right time, at the same time the roots broke-out to engulf everything and every living thing holding Magic inside at the same time. In a week there was not a single magical being on the whole planet, everything had been consumed by the Tree of Harmony, or ‘Tree of Greed’ as I came to call it.”
“What about Twilight? And Princess Celestia? Why they didn’t stop it?” Shining asked with wide eyes.
“The old owners of the Elements had long since passed by the time that happened, and even Discord had left himself die...As for Luna and Celestia as soon as they saw Twilight and Cadence too grow old and perish...They where struck by Grief and simply joined the sun and moon to finally find some eternal rest themselves. They loved you so much that they could not simply accept your passing as they did in the past. The Tree had been waiting for that, so it had sprung to action in the small window in which Equestria was truly defenseless, catching the new chosen ones of the Elements, of Love and of both Sun and Moon unprepared and so unable to fight it off.” Starswirl answered with a tone of pure sorrow.
“It must have been horrible to see it happen.” Cadence said grabbing the old man’s hand to console him.
“It has been, that is why as soon as Twilight and the others managed to make me return I did my best to force you others to reincarnate, I knew the Tree needed to be destroyed the moment it started attacking, because then its Greed would have been at its peak, thus giving the Elements the opening to strike and purify it, had we used them before that nothing would have happened because the plant would have not become ‘The Tree of Greed’ just yet.”
“It was a gamble then, you old fool.” Discord said scoffing.
“Discord!”
“No, he is right, I took a gamble with the whole existence of Equestria, and in my hubris I did not even consider asking for help...And we all paid the price for it.” the third Hokage admitted covering his face with a hand to hide his tears.
“I am sorry...But...Then why we humans then came up? That Tree had eaten everything, right?” Kakashi asked confused.
Sigh! “That happened because Life is the greatest Magic of all. Once everything Magical had been eaten the Tree suffered again from hunger, but this time there was nothing Magical to eat...Beside itself, so it started attacking itself in its blind hunger, and it went on and on in this circle until it shriveled and died, leaving behind a bare land. But, from its carcass, new life came up, only this time WITHOUT Magic as that had been all consumed by the tree itself.” Starswirl answered with a tiny smile.
“Ages passed and animals and nature retook the world, then you others came along, without Magic uplifting the ponykind, another animal could raise to power, the monkeys. They evolved and changed using their intellect, and changed to the point they become what you are today...Then started waging war between each-other for control.”
“Yes, ‘The Age of Endless War’, we all studied it at school at a certain point, it was where the first shinobi Clan came to exist.” Kakashi confirmed.
“Yours is a race of Beings of Chaos, contrary to the ponies that were beings of Harmony, thus your blood was a natural carrier of that Magic, and when the bloodshed reached its peak, deep underground a tiny seed awoke thanks to the huge amount of blood and latent Chaos Magic submerging it.”
“The Tree of Harmony!” Cadence said gasping.
“The Tree of Greed, you mean.” Discord corrected her.
“Exactly, all that blood and Magic had awoke it, and further changed it until it finally sprung to life in what the locals named ‘Shinju Tree’. But unfortunately for the Tree, another being coming from the stars was way stronger than the new-born plant, and consuming its single fruit that woman gained control over its powers, becoming the closest thing to a God in that world.”
“So?” Kakashi asked.
“So her descendants could use a...Please forgive my terminology...a ‘Bastardized’ version of our old Magic, one you others now call Chakra and Ninjutsu, along every other branch that came from it. Even if contaminated by Chaos Magic and the inner power of that woman herself adding an extra flair to it.”
“That is why your spell worked then, in a way our Magic returned, so Cadence could return as Princess of Love and Discord as Chaos Entity.” Shining said in realization.
“Yes, but it also mean that somebody or something is trying to make the Tree of Greed return, because had this not happened my ritual would have not come to work.” the old man explained.
“So your fail-safe activated because the tree is starting to revive?” Discord asked with crossed arms.
“If not the tree itself, its empty husk at least, since you were the first to return I know at least this is happening.”
“And how do you know I was the first?” the Chaos God asked smirking.
“Because I have been waiting for you to ‘wake up’ for the last two decades, I knew that you would have been the first to return and I would have used it as a Warning to start preparing for the Tree’s return.” Starswirl answered somberly.
“...Soul Transmigration...” Discord said with narrowed eyes.
“Yes, I kept jumping from Next Life to Next Life while waiting for you and the Elements to awoke, it was painful and maddening, but it needed to be done to fix my greatest mistake, so I took that soul-tearing pain as part of my punishment. And now, the time has come, we can finally stop that tree.” he answered.
“And how are we supposed to do this?” Cadence asked.
“Again, we’ll need to wait for the tree to fully wake-up before using the Elements on it, at the peak of its Greed we’ll need to blast it with their full power to destroy it completely and forever, we’ll need to wait for that exact moment, otherwise as the former source of the Elements it will be immune to their power.”
“So we have to take that gamble once again?” Shining asked unsure.
“Unfortunately yes, there is no other way.”
“Then we’ll need to find this Twilight girl?” Kakashi asked.
“Yes, we need the Elements before the Tree awakens fully.” Starswirl answered.
“Because otherwise this time it will eat every chakra source it will find?”
“It’s a good possibility.”
“Good. So we’ll have to save the world...Count me in.” Kakashi said nodding.
“You sure?” the Third Hokage asked.
“Well, had anybody else said this normally I would have tossed them here in my place, but I trust my Hokage to not bullshit me...And I saw those three turn into ponies and a strange creature so I am open to the chance that this is true. So I say let’s go find those Elements or whatever.” the man answered getting up.
“Well, you’ll need to do this without me. I am no hero so this does not matter for me.” Discord said smirking as he walked towards the door.
“And what about Fluttershy?” Cadence asked with narrowed eyes making him stop abruptly.
“...”
“What about her, eh? She will fight with Twilight and us and if we fail the Tree will eat her as well, does this mean nothing to you?”
“...”
“I got it: Discord only loves Discord! But you do not fool me, Fluttershy too matters because otherwise you would have not left yourself die just to follow her. So drop the machismo and admit you care about her!” the Princess of Love said growling.
“I-”
“I don’t care if you don’t care about this world or us others, but please do not take me for a fool by not admitting that you care about Fluttershy! Nopony...” the girl said cutting him off.
“Nobody, Cadence. They use Nobody here.” Starswirl said.
“Ah, yes. Nobody will think any less of you if you admit to care about her AND ONLY HER, you will always be Discord, but for the love of Harmony at least grow a pair and admit you like her!” the former Alicorn hissed angrily.
Shining didn’t know what to say, on one hoof-HAND, he was worried for Cadence well-being since contrary to her Discord already had recovered most of his powers making him dangerous should she anger him too much...And on the other he was finding her angry expression just so DARN HOT that he was having troubles thinking straight, so he simply nodded along and kept silent.
“...Darn it.” they heard the Chaos God growl angrily before his body simply faded away without any trace of his usual theatrics behind.
“So?” Kakashi asked confused.
“He will help us.” Cadence answered with a proud smirk.
“You sure?” Shining said confused.
“Call it Mare...Woman Intuition, but he can’t hide it from me, he can play the ‘Unconverted Macho’ all he wants, but he cares about Fluttershy, so he will help us even just to keep her out of harm’s way.”
“Very well, luckily this room is sound-proof so nobody else heard us, let’s take Kakashi out so then we’ll be free to look for the others to reincarnate.” Starswirl said undoing Kakashi’s straitjacket.
“Aaah! My arms were going numb, thank you, Hokage-sama!”
“My pleasure, and sorry about dragging you into this mess of ours.”
“It’s okay, sir. I can understand the urgency...Should I tell Nar-Discord-san about his past family?”
“I don’t think he will care.” Shining said unsure.
“True. Can I have a rapid run-down of who you others, and Him, are? I need some more background info.”
“Let’s go to my Office, we’ll be more comfy there.” Starswirl said nodding.
“And Discord?” Cadence asked.
“We’ll find a way to drag him there as well, as long as FOR NOW you stop pestering him, Cadence.”
“Okay, I’ll be good.” the girl answered shyly.
“Wonderful! Let’s go then.”
Meanwhile – with Discord -
“I enjoy being single...I do not care about anybody else...” the blond Chaos God said grumbling as he sat on the usual stool of his old self at Ichiraku Ramen.
“You okay?” Ayame asked worried.
“Yeah, just keep bringing bowls...” he answered with a miserable expression.
“What his happening?” the girl’s father asked.
“Something bad, I think. He is drowning his sorrows in Ramen.” she answered.
“And put extra ginger in the next one!” they heard him call-out from outside making the two wince.
“Oooh! It must be something big then,” the owner of the stand muttered saddened.
“Should I take out the XXL bowl then?”
“Yeah, I fear he needs it.” the old man answered with a sad tone.
“Naruto-kun...What happened?” Ayame muttered with few tears leaving her eyes as she took out of storage the custom-made giant bowl.
“I am not in denial, no sirre. I am a badass that has no attachments, especially with shy ponies with cute squeals and adorable tiny pouts whenever things don’t go their way.” Discord muttered to himself in denial as he emptied the whole bowl in front of himself in a single gulp.
Author's Note
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.
First Chapter done!
Guess who are the reincarnate Characters? I will tell you!
Applejack – Temari (I think I will make Gaara be BigMac, for giggles)
Twilight – Hanabi Hyuga
Fluttershy – Hinata Hyuga
Rarity – Ino Yamanaka
Rainbow Dash – Kiba Inuzuka (soon to be converted into a girl as per Dash’ request)
Pinki Pie - Tenten
Discord – Naruto
Shining Armour – Sasuke
Cadence – Sakura
Celestia – Tsunade
Luna – Shizune
Starswirl – Hiruzen Sarutobi
What do you think...Should I bring along the CMC? I already know who to use, sure it would take some gender-bending, but I already did much worse...
