Author's Note

Thank you for choosing this story. And thank you for accepting a sub-par author like me here :)

So:

The CMC are Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon (Genders adequately changed to fit)

But Spike (the last one to pop-up)? WHO SHOULD I USE?

Pairing: Will I shoot myself on the foot if I do a “FlutterScord” Pairing? I need more info.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything else I will use nor I make a profit out of this, I am writing just for the pleasure of doing it.

Chap 2: We need the Elements of Harmony! If found please call the 1-555...

Chapter 2: We need the Elements of Harmony, if found please Call 1-555…

Konoha - Hokage Tower -

“So? Can we count on you?” Starswirl, having reincarnated himself into a human called Hiruzen and acting as Village Leader of Konoha, asked massaging his eyes.

“Just because you won’t stop pestering me otherwise.” Discord, reincarnated unwillingly as a boy named Naruto, answered annoyed.

“Have no fear, Fluttershy will return soon.” Cadence, also known as Sakura, offered with a gentle smile.

“Fluttershy being here or not has nothing to do with this.” the Chaos entity answered crossing his arms.

“You like her, just admit it.” Shining Armor, AKA Sasuke, replied rolling his eyes.

Snap!

“Discord? PLEASE turn Shining back.” Starswirl begged groaning.

“No.”

“I can’t get married to a bucket!” Cadence said whining.

“Not my problem!”

“Turn him back or I will start whining louder!” the Princess of Love said with narrowed eyes.

“Not my problem.”

“...Hmmmm!”

“….”

“Uuuun!”

“...”

“Mmmmgh! MMMMMMNNNNH!”

“OKAY! FINE!”

Snap!

“CRAP BASKETS!” Shining shrieked as he finally returned to look human.

“Language.” Starswirl chided him.

“Discord? Why you don’t want to admit it? You like her, I. CAN. SEE. IT! You can’t hide it from me, Nopon-NOBODY can hide their Love from me, not even you.” Cadence asked.

“I have been single for millenniums! I like my freedom!” the other answered whining while turning his clothes into the striped cliche garment of a prisoner and adding the iron ball to his feet too.

“She is a good girl! She will do you good, both of you will be good for each other!”

“You and your shipping...”

“Are you afraid she won’t feel the same?”

“Grrr!”

Okay, that glare he sent her was a bit terrifying, so for the sake of not pushing him too far, Cadence decided to put the matter aside, if only just temporarily.

“Hokage-sama?” Kakashi called from outside.

“Come in, my boy! Come in!”

“Good evening. Shining-san, Cadence-san.” the masked Jounin greeted the group with a small nod.

“Scarecrow!” Discord said bumping fists with the human.

“Chaos-kun!” the man replied amused.

“You managed to hit off well with him.” Starswrl said, amused.

“He tells funny jokes and can turn reality inside-out with a snap, he makes for one damn good drinking buddy.” Kakashi answered shrugging.

“Drinking buddy?”

“I love this ‘Sake’ stuff, tastes good.” Discord answered smirking.

“By the way, Hokage-sama. Everything’s ready, we’ll use the main Arena for the preliminary fights since we are still holding-up the excuse that something in our Forest of Death causes vivid hallucinations, but if we don’t find something concrete to show it, the lie will soon die down.”

“Ah, I can create something no problem, it will certainly be easier to make than the Poison Joke.” Discord answered nonplussed.

“YOU created the Poison Joke?!” Cadence yelled with wide eyes.

“A plant that pulls practical jokes on ponies turning them in their exact opposite AND weakening them at the same time...Sounds familiar? I also created the Plunderseeds! Botany is in my Curriculum, see? Right under ‘Chaos Master’ and ‘Latino-American Dances Teacher’.” the Chaos Entity answered smirking and showing a LOOOOONG piece of paper.

“In hindsight, it shouldn’t be a surprise.” the Princess of Love admitted.

“…‘Gerontology’? ‘Interior Designer’? ‘Stunt Double for Pie-fighting in movies’? What?” Kakashi asked in surprise while reading.

“I was in a mid-life crisis at the time, okay?” Discord muttered blushing.

“So you will create some plants that give whoever breaths their pollen vivid hallucinations?” Starswirl asked.

Snap!

“Done!”

“Oh!...Okay, thank you, I guess.”

“Who’s awesome?”

“You are, you are.” Kakashi conceded, high-five-ing the mad entity while chuckling.

“Thank you. Look for a bunch of giant red flowers with blue leaves, they smell like vanilla pudding.”

“I’ll give the word. You others in the meantime move towards the Arena, if we are lucky you should be able to see if some of the girls are there in need of a help remembering their past as ponies.” Starswirl said nodding pleased.

“Hey! Had I not been here, how did you plan to ‘Wake up’ the Elements of Harmony? Or yourself?” Discord asked.

“Myself was simple, as soon as this body reached puberty my memories returned and I simply waited for you others. As for the Elements, I planned to do it with a Ritual to force it a bit, even if it would have been long and maybe slightly painful, the hardest part would have been finding who they were. Unfortunately ‘Soul Magic’ is still a touchy subject.”

“For you.”

“For almost everypony, Discord. The few able to do this naturally for example are you, Sombra, Chrysalis and Tirek.”

“So only Evil guys?” Kakashi asked.

“HEY! I am Chaotic, not Evil! There is a difference!”

“More like: ‘Entities with innate abilities towards Emotions, Magic itself, affinity to Forbidden Powersor just sheer Immunity to Natural laws or Common Sense’.” Starswirl answered.

“Ooh!”

“Well, we’ll be in the Arena if you need us, sir.” Shining said pushing both Cadence and Discord out of the office.

“Somebody is dying to have his little sister back.” Kakashi said smirking.

“So it seems.” the Hokage answered snorting amused.

Barely few minutes later (Thanks to Teleportation) – Village Arena – Participants’ seats -

“So? So? Did you see her?!” Shining asked in trepidation.

“I am checking, I am checking! For fudge sake, give me a minute!” Discord, elongating his eyes like binoculars, answered annoyed as he scanned the various people trickling in.

“...So?” he asked again after barely five seconds.

“Let’s see...AH-HA! I found Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie!” Discord said in triumph.

“Okay, and?” Cadence asked while taking notes.

“Oh! That’s BigMac, surprising...”

“Who?” Shining asked.

“The guy with red hair and the gourd on his back...Eh! The one with four ponytails is Applejack, still brother and sister. Amazing!” the Chaos Master answered laughing amused.

“And Twilight? Where is she!?” Shining asked looking now very apprehensive.

“...She is there, next to the guy with a pole up his flank.”

“Discord!” Cadence said scandalized.

“No, really, look at him.” Discord answered popping his eyes out and passing them to Cadence.

“...Wow...Okay, he does look like somebody with a pole up his flank...” the Love Alicorn admitted once looked at Hiashi Hyuga’s face.

“See?...Ah-ha! There is Fluttershy finally!” the other said once recovered his eyes.

“Is that happiness I feel?”

“...”

“Hoy! Found anybody?” Kakashi asked once joined them.

“Pretty much everybody plus a Guest.” Shining answered.

“Good! Can we wake them up immediately?”

Sigh! “Fine! I will go. Wanna come with me-”

“YES!” Shining said immediately.

“Geez.”

Hyuga Clan personal seats -

“Why am I here, Father?” little Hanabi Hyuga asked curious.

“Today we’ll see the result of your sister’s training and decide if I need to make her training harder.” Hiashi answered.

“There she is!...Meh! The old version was cuter.” Discord said as he and both Cadence and Shining sat near him.

“Those are reserved seats.” the Hyuga Clan Head said haughtily.

“And I don’t care. Now shut up and let me work my Magic.” the Chaos Entity answered uncaring.

“I am the Clan Head of-”

Snap!

“I said shut up. It was not a request, it was an order.”

“Baaah! Baaah!...BAAAAAAAAAAH!” the goat sitting next to Hanabi blared while still activating itsByakugan.

“Should we intervene?” sitting behind them, Chouza Akimichi asked unsure.

“I love Hiashi like a brother, but for once that somebody made him shut-up? There is no need to rush.” Shikaku Nara answered.

“How do you think the brat did it?” Tsume Inuzuka asked curious.

“No idea.”

“Uhm!” Discord hummed with an evil smile as he looked at the lazy Nara Clan Head.

“What?” the old man asked with an edge in his voice.

“Discordification!” the blond chaos god said with a sing-song voice while booping him on the nose.

“...I am awake? I don’t feel like sleeping? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!” the man shrieked in horror as he watched his hands as if he could not recognize them.

“I Discordified you,”

“Fix me! Fix me now!”

“Fix Twilight first.” Shining whispered growling.

“Uff! Big Brothers, such a pain in the tail.” Discord whined aloud as he grabbed Hanabi’s head under his arm to give her a nookie.

“Hey! Stop it! YoU DaRn MiS-MatCHed ChaoTic AvaTar!...Discord?!” Hanabi Hyuga asked in shock as her eyes turned more purple and a reddish streak of hair appeared on her hair.

“Welcome back, dear Princess Twilight! We’ll explain later.” Discord muttered in answer and letting her go.

“Twi?” Shining asked hopeful.

“BBBFF?” she answered.

“Thank goodness, it worked.” Cadence said breathing out a long sigh of relief.

“Come, we’ll explain everything.”

“Cadence? Oh...I am having mental backlash, why I have two set of memories coming in conflict? Discord did something?”

“Why I am the prime suspect of everything going wrong?! I thought you others trusted me!” the Chaos Entity asked throwing his arms up in the air, catching them and then re-wearing them with a plastic Pop! Sound.

“No, Twi. This time Discord is a victim just like us.” Shining answered.

“Victim?”

“It’s complicated.” Cadence answered while the small group walked away leaving behind three bewildered Clan Heads and a very angry Hyuga goat still trying to use the Jyuken.

“He took off and wore back his arms?” Chouza asked.

“Apparently.” Tsume answered.

“Not an Illusion.” The Aburame Clan Head added.

“Baaaah! Baaaah!”

“Can you fix Hiashi, please?”

“Me too! Please I beg you!” Shikaku begged in tears.

“Ah, right! Okay, I’ll fix the goat.”

“And me?”

“No.”

“Whyyyyyyy!?”

Snap!

“Baa-mnit!...Okay, I am back...” Hiashi said relieved.

“Pfft...”

“What?” he asked at seeing his colleagues bite down their laugh.

“Pffft! R-R-Rainbow Afro! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Inoichi Yamanaka answered before the dam broke and he melted into wild guffaws of laughter soon followed by the other Clan Heads, even the Aburame one.

“Afro?” the Hyuga Clan Head muttered taking out a kunai to check his reflection.

“...KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” and letting-out a high-pitched shrilly scream of anguish at seeing his new rainbow afro hairstyle before fainting.

With the other Genin -

“That was low and evil.” Twilight Sparkle, formerly known as Hanabi Hyuga, said huffing.

“Yes, and?”

“Right, you are Discord. Forget it.” the Element of Magic admitted sighing.

“H-Hanabi-chan?” Hinata Hyuga asked in shock at seeing her little sister join the seats.

“Let me guess, Fluttershy?” Shining asked.

“Yep!”

“Do you mind?” Cadence asked.

“Is not like I have any other option!”

“W-What?” the young girl asked confused, even more so because her secret crush was a bit too close to her and-

“Boop!” Discord said playfully booping her nose and making her go cross-eyed.

“Hey! Why Fluttershy got a boop and I was ‘nookied’?!” Twilight asked pouting offended.

“Favoritism, I got my brain put in a blender instead.” Shining answered sniffing outraged.

“O-O-Oh my!...Twilight?” Fluttershy, once Hinata Hyuga, asked confused.

“Hello, Fluttershy! We are sisters now!” the other answered smiling.

“I always wanted a sister.” the ultra gentle girl answered with a small voice.

“Me too!”

“Hey!”

“I still love having a big brother too, have no fear.”

“Good!”

“How do you feel?” Discord asked.

“How do I...Dissy!” Fluttershy answered before recognizing his voice and hugging him.

“I’ll take that as a ‘I am fine, thank you for your concern, you handsome fellow’.” the Chaos Lord said groaning under the pressure of the bone-breaking hug.

“I can’t believe it! Hinata-chan finally managed to hug you!” Kiba Inuzuka said laughing.

“It would mean that you owe me ten ryous, Kiba.” Shino Aburame added evenly.

“I...Fuck!”

“LANGUAGE!” the girls of the reincarnated group yelled as one.

“Sorry, sorry.”

“Let me guess…Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked sighing.

“Yep! Should I leave ‘her’ as a boy?” Discord asked.

“...No, turn her into a girl human. The shock of losing a pony body will be hard enough already, changing gender too may be the hair that breaks the camel back.” the tiny girl answered.

“...Want me to age you until you match the others?” he added looking extremely annoyed.

“Pwease?” she answered with a weak smile.

“Okay...Hey! Mutt breath!”

“Who are ya callin’ Mutt Breat-”

WHAM!

In answer Discord delivered a strong enough kick to Kiba’s crotch to make the entire male half of the audience present instinctively cross their legs and lifting the Inuzuka Heir of a feet from the floor.

“Can I ask why?” Cadence asked groaning.

“I am more of a cat person.” the Chaos Lord answered shrugging.

“For Goodness’ sake, dude! That hurts!” the now female Kiba roared in fury.

“...Oh...He kicked him so hard he turned into a girl...” Shino muttered unsure.

What to do now? One of his best friends had just done an 180 and turned into a full-fledged girl, and while the hair style remained unchanged, with a new slimmer waist like hers along rounder backside and smallish breasts Shino was now having troubles not staring.

His sense friendship towards Kiba was now clashing with his new-found attraction for her new female version and he didn’t know what to do...Friendship or Boner? Which one should he listen to!?

“But it worked.” Discord answered amused as he and the others watched the girl’s eyes turn cyan blue.

“And...And my wings?” Dash asked in horror.

“Just like with Twili, Fluttershy and Caddy, you will get them back once we are in a more isolated place.”

“See? He doesn’t use a mocking nickname with you, it means he likes you.” Cadence muttered.

“Uuuhm.” the girl muttered blushing.

“Caddy, not now.” Shining whispered in answer.

“SASUKE-KUUUUUUUUN!” a new voice bellowed at ultra-high volume.

“Aaaand here comes Rarity!” Discord said catching the Yamanaka heiress mid-pounce.

“Let me go, you Loser!” Ino immediately shrieked angrily.

“Nope! Now fly!” he answered launching her HIGH in the sky once forced her body into a javelin-like shape.

“...I at least hope she will come down unscathed.” Fluttershy asked holding her hands at her hips.

“But-but! She pierced my eardrums with that scream!” he replied with wide puppy eyes.

“Dissy...”

“Oh, fine! Here she comes.”

“Kyaaaaaaah!-Ung!” the blond girl shrieked all the way down only to stop abruptly when Discord grabbed her ankle an inch before she could land on her face.

“LET ME GO, YOU RUFFIAN!”

“Welcome back, Rare.” Dash said laughing.

“Yes, yes. Laugh it up, Dash! And can somepony PLEASE explain to me why I have lost my horn and my fabulous mane style?! And sandals like these are out of style! In what kind of back-water place are we!?” Rarity asked as soon as she was returned to stand on her feet.

“While you explain to her, I will go collect Applejack and Pinkie, so we all will be here.” Discord answered bloating like a balloon and then exploding in a shower of confetti.

“It’s a long story Rarity, and you and everybody else need to hear it.” Cadence said sighing as they all sat together.

“You better explain, and where is Sweetie Belle?”

“One thing at a time, Rarity. I too am in the dark about this.” Twilight answered sighing.

At the same time – with Discord -

“Hey, you! With the bowl haircut and dashing eyebrows!” the Chaos Lord said nearing Maito Gai and his Team.

“See, Sensei? Somebody finally recognized our Youthful beauty!” Rock Lee said crying fat tears of happiness.

“Yes, Lee! I told you this day would have come!” Gai answered equally proud.

“What do you want, commoner?” Neji Hyuga in the meantime hissed in contempt.

“Not you, I need the girl with meatball hair.” Discord answered dodging the boy and putting a zip on his mouth so to close it.

“UUUUMF! UUUUUMF!”

“I have not meatball hair! And what have you done to Neji?!” Tenten said shocked.

“I shut him up, I will unzip him once done. And this is a meatball if you ask me.” he answered plucking away one of the girl’s buns without undoing the hair there or on her head.

“Give me that back!” she roared in answer and snatching the thigh brown ball of hair away from his hand.

“What the...Come on! I take hours every morning to braid my hair like this! How do I put it back?!” the girl growled while trying to ‘screw’ the hair bun back in place on her head.

“Women! All this fuss just for some hair. Here, like this.” Discord, once done rolling his eyes, said while putting back her hair bun with a metallic Click! Noise.

“Good. How’s it?” she asked in apprehension.

“You look as youthful as usual, Tenten!” Gai and Lee answered as one and giving a thumbs up to her accompanied by pinging teeth.

“Tch! And you call that a pinging teeth?!” Discord scoffed in derision.

“Of course! It’s the proof of our Youthfulness!” Gai answered proud.

“Amateur! THIS is a pinging teeth!” Discord answered giving a fanged smile and…

PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

The flash of light was so intense to produce a physical backlash the blew both Teacher and Student’s hair back and ‘Tanned’ them, along blinding the ‘Background Genin’ behind them to the point of crying blood, a poor bastard from Grass Country even caught fire because of it.

“There! That’s how is it done...And you...”

“Y-Yes?” Tenten asked looking unnerved.

“Do you have any allergies to bananas or whipped cream?”

“No?” she answered.

“Good!”

Splat!

“Then, welcome back, Pinkie Pie!” Discord said laughing once slapped a pie with banana-flavored frosting on her face.

Sluuuuuurp!

Somehow elongating her tongue enough to clean her head and shoulders and eat the entire pie in a single gulp, the girl swallowed the thing in an instant.

“Buuuurp! OH! Hihihi! My bad, I am sorry!” sporting once again her infamous bubblegum-pink hair, only still tied into buns, Pinkie Pie answered with a loud burp and a giggle.

“It’s nice to have you back.” the Chaos Entity admitted amused.

“You too, Dissy! I missed you!” Pinkie answered giving him a spine-shattering hug.

“Why you all must try to squeeze me to death!?” he asked groaning in agony.

“Because you are very hugable, silly!”

“Hugable is not a word.”

“It is now!”

“Oh, okay. The others are down there, I only need to wake-up Applejack and the gang will be fully back, in the meantime you can go-”

Zooooom!

“Talk to them.” Discord finished saying while watching the literal trail of fire Pinkie left behind in her mad dash to go pounce hugging Twilight and the others.

“And you...” He then said looking at the poor Hyuga making him gulp in dread.

“I will unzip you, but in exchange...RAINBOW AFRO!” he then said snapping his finger to disappear from the scene.

“That was so youthful.” Rock Lee admitted in wonder.

“You are right, my beloved Student!” Gai conceded in pride.

“More Youthful than you.”

“L-Lee? Are you...A-Are you making comparisons?”

“...”

“I-I can be just as Youthful!”

“Uh-hu.” the boy answered still looking amazed.

“Lee, why are you not looking at me?! What’s wrong between us? I CAN CHANGE!”

“Rainbow Afro?” Neji muttered in horror while taking out a kunai.

An instant later – Opposite side of the Arena – Suna Delegation area -

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” on the notes of Neji’s scream of anguish (and the closest ones to him swore they heard his mind shatter) another look of curiosity appeared on the face of a certain girl from Suna Village.

“What is happening?” Temari asked looking as utter bedlam kept filling half the arena.

“Beats me, sis!” Kankorou answered unsure while adjusting the bandaged bundle on his back.

“Just me doing a good job. This lovely Chaos would be because of me! Isn’t it nice?” Discord said smiling proud as he appeared behind their brother Gaara to hug him from his back.

Tssssh! Immediately the red-haired boy’s sand moved to attack the intruder.

“Piss off!” but at the barked order of the Chaos Entity that same sand formed a “!” shape and hurried back into the gourd, even the thin layer of it secretly covering Gaara’s skin as a hidden armor ran away.

“You really need to sleep, you know? You have dark bags under your eyes so thick they look like mascara.”

“You scared Mother?” Gaara asked.

“Your Mother? You two look nothing alike!” Discord answered shoving a fist inside Gaara’s ear to pull out the life-size giant head of the Tanuki-dog Biju Shukaku.

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Temari and Kankurou yelled as one with bulged-out eyes.

“No, that’s Shukaku, the Biju I have sealed inside. By Mother I mean part of my Mother’s soul living inside part of my sand that always protects me.” Gaara explained unperturbed.

“Aah! Well, how was I supposed to know that?” Discord said in realization.

“I thought it was clear.”

“Nope! Even if the idea of a mother protecting her child from beyond the grave is very romantic, is not that common to be easily recognizable.”

“...True, then I apologize for the unclear answer.” Gaara admitted with a nod.

“It’s nothing, but why you look so dead tired?”

“If I sleep Shukaku takes over and starts slaughtering people left and right, so to not hear them whine about it I have to stay awake.”

“I see, what if I make him stop?”

“I would be able to sleep, and in turn I would be very grateful.” Gaara answered.

“Tche! As if! You may be able to make me peak outside, but I no fear no human!” Shukaku answered with a booming voice.

“You sure?” Discord said challenging and zipping open a dark hole in his stomach to pull out the giant head of Kurama the Kyuubi Biju.

“Oh, GOD! Shukaku help me! It’s madness in here! MADNESS!” the poor fox, looking disheveled and with blood-shot eyes, begged with a quivering voice.

“Kurama? The fuck’s happened to ya?”

“Madness, it’s all wrong in there! A huge middle finger shoved in the ass of Gods and Sanity! HE IS RAPING MY MIND WITHOUT LUBE! HELP ME!” the other answered with a crazed look on his face.

“It’s not so bad inside me! Look yourself!” Looking extremely offended, Discord pulled Shukaku’s head inside the same hole for an instant before letting the Biju recoil back in shock with wide eyes.

“AW HELL NAH! I’M NOT GOIN’ IN THERE ANYTIME SOON! Your kid’s bonkers! Going ‘round the bent!” the one-tailed Biju said immediately with a pasty-white face.

“SHUKAKU! GODDAMNIT! HELP ME!” Kurama shrieked a last time before forcefully shoved back inside and the hole got closed.

“So?”

“Kiddo, I’ll be honest with yah. You keep me nogging out of all that mess and this brat’s gonna sleep like a champ, we good? I don’t like that crazy stuff in my turf, ‘kay?” the Biju offered.

“So no wantonly slaughter either?”

“Fuck me if I am not staying put, mate! I’ll sing him a goddamn lullaby too if ya want! Just no madness for Lil’ Shukaku, I enjoy my fun, but I am not crazy!” he answered.

“Good enough. We are good then.” the Chaos Entity conceded.

“Good Fella. Not put me back inside, it’s chilly out here, I prefer hotter climates, like mah desert.” Shukaku answered with a happy smile.

“Okay! It was nice to talk to you.” Discord said with a happy smile and shoving the giant head back into Gaara’s head.

“...He says you are a crazy, please forgive my words, Son of a...Well, you get the idea. So I can sleep now?” Gaara asked.

“If he has any self-preservation, then yes. Can I boop you on the nose?”

Staggered a little by the non-sequitur, Gaara gave an uncertain nod and watched as the blond’s finger booped him on the nose.

“...BigMac? You in there?”

“Eeeyup?” the red-head answered unsure.

“Yep! You are back. I wake up Applejack too and then I will bring you both to Twilight for some explaining, you okay with it?”

“S’long as it’s not too complicated.” Gaara, now BigMac, answered with a thick accent.

“It shouldn’t be.”

“Gaara? You okay?” Temari asked worried.

“Boop!”

Thud!

“TEMARI! What have you done!?” Kankurou demanded furious as he saw his sister collapse once booped on the nose.

“She is fine, I think she was too stressed and my little trick just rebooted her brain a little.” Discord answered waving him off.

“Temari! You okay? Temari! TEMARI!” he said giving her shoulder a little shock.

KA-POW!

In answer to his gesture her eyes snapped open and her fist slammed on his jaw sending him flying.

“Yes...She is okay.” Kankurou, now with his head firmly buried in the concrete of the arena wall, said elated and fainting once finished spitting broken teeth, he still sported a happy smile, surprisingly.

“Applejack?” BigMac asked worried.

“BigMac!” Temari, now Applejack, yelled in surprise as she jumped to her feet to hug him.

“Well, now you are the big sister, other than that, come along! There are lots of things you need to know before this little Tournament starts.” Discord said proud of his handy work and returning the thumbs-up Starswirl the Hokage gave him.

With the Hokage -

“What about Kabuto?” the old man asked curious while watching the Mane 6 plus Guests finally be reunited and debriefed on the situation.

“Ibiki and few others are torturing him, they promised that in ten minutes they will have enough info to disband Oto’s side of the Invasion.” Kakashi answered.

“I don’t like the use of torture...But I guess that when in Rome one must do as the Romans.”

“Eh?”

“Old Equestrian saying.”

“Ooh! Well, unfortunately things work like this now.”

“I know, it’s a bit sad, but there is no choice. What about Suna?” Starswirl asked.

“They will be alone and without their Biju, we should be able to wrap things up quite easily. Oh! Here comes the Kazekage!”

“Good thing Orochimaru had not killed him yet. Now don’t say a thing and act natural.” the Hokage answered, and watching to his dismay how the masked Jounin sat on the floor to look intensely at an apple as if it held every answer to the Universe and Life.

“...You spend too much time with Discord.”

“Good evening, Hokage-sama.” the Kazelage said with royal poise.

“Good evening to you too, Kazekage-sama.” Starswirl answered good-naturally.

“I AM ACTING NATURAL!” Kakashi said loudly and with a robotic tone of voice.

“...Yes...I can see that.” The Kazekage said with a slow and unsure tone, behind him Starswirl grumbled few chosen unflattering words while face-palming.

With the Elements of Harmony – fifteen minutes of fast debriefing later -

“Eeyup! This is a darn complicated story!” Applejack said sighing once Cadence finished telling everybody what Starswirl told her and Shining.

“Timed Reincarnation! I thought it was just a theory!” Twilight, now looking as old as the others thanks to Discord, said in wonder.

“He managed to pull it off instead, and that’s cool.” Dash answered with a low whistle.

“So now we have to be on guard for the Corrupted Tree of Harmony to pop-up, dear?” Rarity asked while still trying to return her hair to its old coif beauty.

“Exactly, We-”

“I found the CMCs!” Discord said from the side-lines, interrupting Shining and looking exceptionally bored.

“Thank you. As I was saying, we need to-”

“And I found dear old Spike.”

“Thank you!” the former unicorn Captain growled with clenched teeth.

“As I was saying-”

“Sasuke, it’s your turn to fight!” Chouji was heard calling-out aloud.

“...You know what? Forget it.” sighing in defeat the former Captain marched down the arena with a very gloomy expression.

“Who’s the guy?” Dash asked.

“Some brute from another place, and that ensemble of veil and sunglasses is a sin against good taste.” Rarity answered huffing.

Down the arena -

“GOOOOOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Discord, sporting a referee outfit and holding a microphone hanging above him from...somewhere above the clouds, yelled happily.

“I am the proctor of this thing.” Anko said annoyed.

“You lack the Charisma needed for this, now let me do my job. KAKASHI! MY REFEREE TABLE!” the blond Chaos God answered haughtily before giving a loud scream worthy of a spoiled-rotten Prima Donna.

“Coming! Coming!” the masked Jounin answered setting a simple table and two seats in a corner of the arena for him and Discord to use.

“I do have charisma!” Anko answered whining.

“Not when you dress like a stripper, darling, and now…”

“ON THE BLUE CORNER! THE SWIRLY EYES OF DOOM! THE MASTER OF FIRE WITH LUSCIOUS RAVEN LOCKS! THE PRODIGY! THE MYTH! SASUKEEEEEEEE!” Discord announced, while barely remembering to use the name Shining’s new body was known as, making a giant curtain of sparks explode behind Shining Armour on the notes of a generic “WWE Wrestler” Music theme.

“Ehm, H-Hi!” Shining answered looking a little embarrassed, especially since Discord had multiplied himself so to fill two thirds of the arena with his copies acting as the former Captain's fans.

“WE LOVE YOU!” the crowd of Discord clones yelled as one showing banners and other paraphernalia with the young man’s “Tattoo” (Cutie Mark).

“And on the red corner...A guy.” Discord then said disinterested.

Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!

In answer to that introduction, complete silence fell in the arena with only some crickets chirping in the background, but even them were putting zero effort in it.

“...Wow, even the tumbleweed refused to show-up, you really suck.” Kakashi said impressed.

“Hey!” the guy from Grass, Dosu or something just as ‘Filler-sounding’, answered highly offended.

“Just break him, we are on a tight schedule.” Anko ordered while sitting on the table.

“You are sitting on my notes, woman.” Discord said in contempt.

“I don’t hear them complain.”

“Very few would complain in their position.” Kakashi admitted.

“True.”

“Good boys, showing some good taste.” the woman answered looking smug.

“I guess we have to fight then.” Shining said.

“You better be ready!” the other guy answered.

“FIGHT!” Anko ordered giving the signal to start.

“AND IT BEGAN! THE GUY FROM GRASS STARTS WITH A FEROCIOUS RIGHT HOOK, BUT IS COUNTERED BY A WONDERFUL FEINT OF SASUKE THAT COUNTERS WITH A SWIFT KICK! OUCH! THAT’S GONNA HURT TOMORROW! BUT HERE COMES THE GUY’S ANSWER, ANOTHER MISS! DEAR GOD WHAT A FIGHT! WHAT INTENSITY! SUCH MANLY BRUTALITY! I CAN’T BELIEVE SUCH YOUNG BOYS CAN UNLEASH THIS MUCH POWER! FIRE TECHNIQUES! FIRE TECHNIQUES ARE FILLING THE SKY! IT’S A MASSACRE!” Immediately Discord went into mad rambling, looking extremely excited.

“...”

“...”

“...Are we really doing all that stuff?” Shining asked as he and the Grass Genin had barely reached each other only to stop so to listen to the wild things the blond was commentating about.

“OH, SWEET HEAVEN! THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND TEETH FLYING IN EVERY DIRECTION!...”

“I-I don’t know...” the other answered unsure.

“WOW! THAT LOOKS LIKE A BROKEN LEG FOR DOSU!”

“…”

“I said: THAT LOOKS LIKE A BROKEN LEG FOR DOSU. The script, guys! Follow the script! Damn amateurs.” Discord said again with an annoyed frown while waving around a stack of paper.

“Ehm...Should I?...You know…Break your-” Shining asked unsure.

“Fuck no!”

“But it’s written here: ‘Dosu (broken Leg): “Aaah! My leg, damn you, you sexy (but not as sexy as the Legendary Chaos hunk Discord, for he is super manly) Konoha ninja.” fall to the floor like a wimp.’ see? Right here.” Anko, highly amused by the whole thing, said showing said script to the boys.

“Why here says I have to be shirtless and with oiled abs?” Shining asked horrified.

“Fanservice.” Kakashi answered.

“Who wrote this shit!?” the Grass Genin asked furious.

“I did it, why?” the Chaos god answered, now sitting on a director’s seat while wearing a basque beret.

“I am completely Out of Character in here! I am not so wimpy!”

“Bah! As if you know what true art is!”

Up in the stands -

“Is he really discussing with Discord about this?!” Twilight asked shocked.

“Twilight, I am afraid that the common mind-set of a Ninja is bordering on pure madness, it should be clear once seen that even his most outrageous behavior is not looked as too much out of ordinary.” Cadence answered sighing.

“So ninjas here are bonkers?” Dash asked unsure.

“Pretty much, I guess it’s their way to cope with the endless bloodshed and violence they are forced to go through on a daily base.” the Love Alicorn answered.

“Fuck it! Just because like this this farce will end!” CRACK! Dosu answered before breaking his own leg and arm following the script.

“But I am almost certain Discord’s mere presence is also helping along.” Cadence said shaking her head.

“Winner of the fight, Sasuke!” Discord declared with a happy smile.

“...By the way, there was no script.” he then said smirking.

“WHAT?!”

“Really, a ninja should always look underneath the underneath, who on God’s green Earth would have a script, and even follows one, during a fight?” Kakashi said dropping the act and sealing away table and seats.

“But-but!”

“And do not pull a ‘that’s cheating’ card, we are ninja, WE CHEAT ALWAYS AND CONTINUOUSLY, if you follow the rules and act honorably then you are no better than a Samurai.” Anko added with a scrunched nose.

“But! But!” poor Dosu kept saying as his mind slowly crumbled into a fine dust.

“Really, you just had to ignore me and fight normally, nobody would have had anything to say against it! It’s not my fault if you are so damn gullible.” Discord closed the discussion by lifting Shining’s arm up in the air while declaring him the winner.

“But! But! But! But!” the Grass Genin kept repeating like a broke record while two doctors carted him away on a stretcher, and he didn’t look like about to stop saying ‘But!’ any time soon.

“...No, I was mistaken, apparently bucking with other people’s head is common Ninja practice. Just a matter of getting used to it then, I guess.” Cadence admitted looking surprised.

“So they just play along with what Discord does?” Pinkie asked.

“Yes, probably the same way aunt Celestia and Luna used to do: play along and/or ignore him until he calms down by himself and just making sure he doesn’t make too much damage.”

“That and a little trick that goes: ‘It is not my problem!’ also known as ‘Nope!’. That is why the shinobi side of Konoha is openly ignoring his antics while the civilians freak out whenever he pulls a trick of his. Unfortunately for them we Ninja outnumber the civilians three-to-one, so they won’t make ripples anytime soon.” Kakashi explained once joined them.

“That is even worse, I hate being ignored.” Discord said, annoyed.

“Who’s next?” AJ asked cusious.

“Oh! Me! Me! Me!” Pinkie said excited as she hurried down in the arena.

“Dissy?”

“Yes?…Don’t tell me, you want a Party Cannon?” he answered with a deadpan tone.

“Pleeeeeeeeeease!” the party maniac begged.

“Fine! Left pocket.”

“Yay!”

“...I am not getting paid enough for this.”

“Once done here we will take care of the details ourselves, please hold on for just a minute more.” Twilight answered rolling her eyes.

“Fine!”

Down in the Arena Chouji looked in apprehension as the girl he knew as a stoic no-nonsense girl had out of the blue turned into a bubbly pink-haired kid in a perennial sugar-rush tinkering with a human-sized bright-pink cannon she took out of her pockets instead of unsealing it from a scroll.

“Isn’t that against the rules?” he asked sweating nervously.

“She is registered as a ‘Weapons Expert’, so heavy artillery is permitted, now suck it up and FIGHT!” Anko answered annoyed.

BANG!

“Kyaaah!” the chubby boy shrieked dodging as enough pastry goodies to cover for several weddings’ catering rained on him along other party-themed amenities, but with enough power to demolish the wall behind him.

“THAT’S A WASTE OF PIES!” he said in scandal.

“You sure?” Pinkie answered appearing behind him.

“Aaah!” Chouji yelled in fear jumping away.

“You are too jumpy, too much stress?”

“Ah! STOP APPEARING BEHIND ME!”

“...”

“...Good.”

“...”

“Where is she?” he asked aloud in dread.

“Down here!”

“KYAAAAAAAAH!” the boy scurried away as soon as he saw her laying on the floor under him and falling sitting on something cold and uncomfortable.

Click!

“...I am sitting on her cannon, am I?” Chouji asked, already crying in agony.

“Yep! Any last words?” Anko asked smirking.

“Remember me as a dashing hero.” Chouji asked trying to look dignified.

BANG!

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…” the poor boy bellowed as his silhouette soon turned into a tiny dot in the horizon.

“Well, I guess we can call you the winner.” Anko said shrugging as soon as they finally heard that faint Crash! Of Chouji’s landing reach them.

“Yay! What did I win?” Pinkie asked immediately.

“Still nothing, win in the Finals and you will be named Chunin.”

“That’s it?” she asked pouting.

“I’ll buy you a lollipop too, okay?”

“And a cupcake?” she asked with starry eyes.

“That too, but you’ll have to be a good girl.” Anko conceded sighing.

“Okay! Bye!” Pinkie promised while running back to her friends.

“...Okay, she is far enough.”

“GAI! I TOLD YOU THOSE PINGING SMILES AND TIGHTS AND YOUTH BULLSHIT SPEECHES WOULD HAVE SCARRED HER! NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!” Anko roared furious.

“I didn’t do anything wrong! Your accusations wound me!” Gai answered huffing.

“My feet are going to wound your ass if you do not tone it down to human levels, you damn moron!” she answered almost foaming at the mouth.

“Tche!”

“Whatever, next fight: Shino Aburame VS Kiba Inuzuka!”

“Psssh-pssh-pssh.” Discord appeared near Anko to whisper something in her hear.

“Oh! Okay...Who am I to judge?”

“Change of plans! Kiba just went through a spontaneous (somehow!) Change of gender, SHE now prefers being called Dash. Please show some support and do not antagonize her, we all are free to live our life as we wish.” Anko said aloud.

“Thank you.” Discord said before disappearing.

“Both ready?” the proctor asked as soon as both contestants descended in the arena.

“Yes.” Shino, still troubled at having his best friend turning into a hot girl, answered.

“Yeah, somehow. How can you go around with those things on the front?” Dash said while still adjusting her jacket wrapping too tight around her breast.

“Try wearing a bigger jacket.”

Ziiip!

“Aah! Much better! Really, being unable to pull them in is a nightmare!” Dash said uncaring, undoing her jacket and shirt, thus flashing her graces to everybody present.

“Should we explain to Dash that nudity HERE is not accepted, contrary to Equestria?” Rarity said groaning as they saw Shino’s eyes bulge out at the free show he was getting.

“Probably. But is dear Shino going to be alright?” Fluttershy answered unsure.

“Unless she takes away her pants too, he will be fine. He will be VERY distracted, but fine.” Shining, ever the gentleman(Colt), said while dutifully covering his eyes.

Snap! THUD!

“OKAY! NO! The pants stay up! This is a Ninja Village, the Hookers’ Village is elsewhere!” Anko yelled while pouncing on Dash to forcefully redress her as soon as she unbuckled her pants and was about to pull them down.

“But I am uncomfortable!” Dash said whining.

“Ask your friends to take you shopping for comfy female clothes then! And PLEASE can somebody come to recover the Aburame boy, he is not breathing!” the woman answered, annoyed.

“Kiba...Girl...Friend...Boobs...Friend...Girl...Cute...Error! Error! Error!”

“Poor boy, he is having a mental breakdown.” one of the doctors said shaking his head.

“It always happens! You first think that ‘you’ and that ‘hot girl’ can just be friends, then you start having not-innocent thoughts and you no longer know what to do. It always happens.” the man’s partner answered as both she and him carried Shino away while ignoring his mad ramblings.

“But I wanted to fight!” Dash said crossing her arms.

“In the Finals you’ll fight as much as you want, for now just focus on getting used to be a girl.” Anko answered hushing her away.

With Starswirl -

“Well, things are going fairly okay. I just hope that during the Finals things won’t go down too much too fast.” Starswirl muttered unsure as while it seemed like he was watching the rest of the fights, from the corner of his eyes he kept watching the Kazekage next to him, and the calculative gaze the man had.

“He is planning something, even without a Partner, the Invasion may still happen.” the old Hokage thought with narrowed eyes and silently preparing his counteroffensive, hoping that before the worst happens they will manage to find Luna and Celestia too to join them.

Omake – Discord tries his hand at torture -

Konoha – secret facility -

“Howdy!” Discord said as he popped-out of the water dispenser right outside one of the interrogation rooms, scaring Ibiki and Anko to the point of almost jumping out of their own skin.

“FUCK! Stop doing that!” Ibiki roared furious.

“Really, ever since you learned to bend over the Laws of Physics you have been unbearable.” Anko added panting a little.

“I know they like it, they call me Daddy now.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. What are you doing?” The Chaos Master asked.

“Ah, this? The guy should know something about the Invasion Orochimaru was planning with Suna. But his tongue is tied tighter than the chastity belt of a monk, so we were taking a pause while thinking new ways to torture him.” Ibiki answered while jamming a thumb towards the smirking mass of bruises that should be their ‘guest’.

“So...You are doing nothing with him at the moment?” Discord asked.

“No, but you can’t play with him. We need him sane and alive.” Anko answered.

“No playing, I just need a stranger to see a small movie I made,”

“A movie?”

“I am trying my hand at film-making, but if I ask the girls they will say they love it just to not hurt my feelings, and I need constructive criticism.” Discord answered.

“That’s it?” Ibiki asked in surprise.

“Yep!”

“May as well, what could possibly go wrong?” Anko answered shrugging.

Four hours later -

“And here I am filming a fly cleaning itself on top of a bathroom seat for three hours straight, to symbolize the downfall of Society under the weight of the rampant consumerism plaguing it.” Discord explained while putting new eye-drops in the prisoner’s eyes, having chosen to go with the ‘Ludovico Technique’ to be sure he could not lose a single detail.

“Gaaaah!” the man gurgled horrified.

It was a clear case of ‘Film Artistique’.

It was a long, pedantic maudlin-style movie clearly filmed with shoestring budget and in monochrome, mostly filmed with foreign dialogue with subtitles (“To appease the common folk” Discord explained sniffling annoyed) and with absurdly long static takes and depressing piano music background.

Not only it was hellishly depressing, but it was also filled to the brim in pretentiousness, a truck-worth of Pretentiousness dripping from every single frame.

FINALLY the scene changed to a plain grass-field devoid of anything and occupied only by Discord himself, his human body as a reincarnated completely naked and covered in a substance he explained was jello, wildly dancing around while fat midgets dressed in a leotard walked around him in a circle brandishing swordfishes and chanting: “Moj život neće biti zaglavljen u vašem unutrašnjem kriminalu!”over and over.

(Moj život neće biti zaglavljen u vašem unutrašnjem kriminalu! Serbian for: My Life Shall not be the Jam of your inner turmoil!)

“Isn’t it good? The intrinsic anguish of human nature staring right at you without the filters of our own insecurities and misconceptions!” Discord said with an ecstatic expression.

“I’ll DALK! I’LL DALK! MAKH IT SHTOB!” the man begged through the gag in his mouth.

“Look! Now here is the best part!”

Now the camera zoomed inside the eye of a goat nearby to the point it filled the screen before zooming out to show the blades of a blender in the hands of a clown about to use the thing to blend a lilac flower with a calculator ,at the same time in the background a mime smashed a long-case clock with a sledgehammer and a cat walked over a piano waking-up the hold lady sleeping on it.

“BLEASHE MAHE IT SHTOB!” the prisoner sobbed uncontrollably.

Seventy-three hours later -

Fin!

At those words, written with a very classy loopy handwriting, the prisoner gave a sigh of relief marred by a broken smile.

“OH, DHANK GOD!”

Fin…Of act 1. THEN the rest of the words appeared on screen making his eyes bulge-out even more than what the contraption around his head was doing.

“This was only the beginning, act 1 acts as an introduction, that is why it is so short. The other twelve acts are three times longer, and that is where my true genius shines forth!” Discord declared happily.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The prisoner yelled in madness as he wildly fought against the bindings holding him on the chair while also crying in despair.

“While you enjoy my movie, I’ll go ask dear Ibiki and Anko what they think about it.” Discord, showing a truly happy smile, said while opening the door to leave the sobbing wreck of a prisoner alone with his creation.

“So? Do you like it?” he asked, still smiling.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

“DROP THAT KUNAI, IBIKI! DROP IT!” Anko yelled while she and other three burly men wrestled with the crazed Torture Expert.

“NO! IF I DO NOT GOUGE OUT MY EYES THE IMAGES WON’T GO AWAY!” Ibiki, looking like he finally cracked, yelled in madness as he still tried to blind himself with a kunai.

“TOO PRETENTIOUS! TOO PRETENTIOUS!” he kept bellowing as another ninja jumped him.

“...You people do not understand true art.” Discord said sniffling offended.

Some time later – Iwa -

“Onoki-sama! You got a package from Konoha!”

“Eh? What do they want?” the old man, the Leader of one of the Villages Konoha was ‘less-than-friendly’ with asked annoyed.

“They say that if we manage to see this movie to the end without skipping a single second, they will willingly deliver us the secrets of the two Techniques their defunct Fourth Hokage used to personally defeat our entire Village.”

“Where is the catch?” Onoki asked with narrowed eyes.

“The film is pretty long and we cannot skip ahead, if we do they will know and not only we won’t get those secrets, but we will be known as ignorant peasants. Apparently is an independent movie.” the messenger said with a scrunched nose.

“Ah! Too easy! Back in the days those pretentious movies were everywhere! Put the disk in! I’ll show them that in this case too old age is a virtue! We will project it in the Village’s main square, it will be a group effort that will bring us to victory!” Onoki answered smugly.

Three days later -

“AAAAAAH!”

“TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH!”

“IT’S HORRIBLE!”

“THE IMAGES! THE IMAGES ARE MELTING MY BRAIN!”

Iwa Village was a mess, wild flames burning three-fourths of the buildings while every villager went around screaming in madness or spiraling into unhinged crying fits while the once powerful Village simply collapsed on itself into a ruins-filled hole of deranged broken men.

“They couldn’t even finish watching the whole thing. It was way more effective than what I thought.” Starswirl said impressed while spying the results with a pair of binoculars.

“Dear Starswirl, maybe you overdid.” Celestia said grimacing at the sheer aura of despair hanging over Iwa.

“Tia is right, old teacher. You went way overboard.” Luna added looking particularly saddened.

Behind them the Elements of Harmony, Shining and Cadence looked shocked as even the animals nearby started falling into hysteria.

All of them except Fluttershy, she was more occupied with Discord and his acute case of Depression.

“I just wanted to show everybody my creation.” the Chaos Master said still moping and pouting.

“Maybe you should start with something more simple? Like a Love Comedy?” the shy girl offered with a gentle smile.

Sniffle! Sniffle! “Aren’t those too Mainstream?”

“You can show your talent by making some that are not! I am sure you will make a wonderful job.”

“You think I can?” Discord asked with a touched expression.

“Sure! Start little, then once everypo-everybody knows you you can make more...More...”

“More artistic ones?”

“Yes.”

“Did you see this one?”

“No. Uuhmm...M-Monochrome gives me a headache every time I watch it for too long.” Fluttershy answered a bit hesitantly, and for once AJ didn’t feel the need to call her out on lying.

“I still don’t understand what the fuss is about, sure it’s a bit long and some scenes could have been filmed better. But there is nothing so outrageous in it.” Rarity said huffing.

“Of course Rarity liked it, it’s a classy movie after all!” Dash muttered rolling her eyes.

“For the Law of probability, at least ONE person, besides Discord, in the entire Universe that sees the movie and likes it has to exist.” Twilight answered unsure.

“Fine! I’ll make a more commercial Love Comedy, but just so you know, you are limiting my creativity!” Discord said in great annoyance.

“Creativity.” Starswirl, Luna and Celestia said in chorus while watching the Ninjas of Iwa self-destruct in front of them.

Those three could only shudder at the image and send a prayer to those poor victims.

End of the Omake.