Chapters Chapter 1
The best birthday gift I received was when I got the news that my parents died.
The worst news I got were officers showing up at my door with a warrant for my arrest.
Assuming escaping a cop car is a hard thing to do is false,its pretty easy when your excuse is you have to use the bathroom still its running from the cops that gets you unless your a buff god 'scrawny teenager' like me you can escape the fat doughnut eating cops.I already have the handcuffs off after I managed to fit my hand through the cops pocket, after that I took off when I punched said officer in the gut and robbing him off his handgun to use for some 'non suicidal actions' I was able to gain some distance on them when they called in for back up.I made it to the edge of a bridge after some epic 'slow and rugged' moves when dodging cars speeding down the bridge,climbing over the railing and moving so that I was facing the dozen or so cop cars with another dozen of officers standing behind their cars with their guns raised.
I just ignored the 'empathetic' words I was being given like ''don't do it!'' or ''we can talk about this'' complete crap,raising the gun in my hand so the cold barrel of the gun was touching the side of my forehead well this time instead of trying to console or talk to me they just complete charged at me so the only thing I thought was right to say ''wrong choice....'' I smiled and pulled the trigger taking a breath and 'darkness'.
''So this is the after life'' I was now floating in a so called 'void' 'well this is really....'
To prove my theory was a white cord connected to my pink stomach 'oh great' i tried pulling on it 'a flipping umbilical cord' but found my han-err hoof was impossibly difficult to grip onto things,but the most important question 'is my proud male dignity is still there' I reached down to feel and let out a sigh of relief 'good still there' wondering what to do and giving up five minutes in I resorted to sleeping.
I can't keep track of time but my guess its been a month since I was trapped inside of some female horse thing expecting a normal non-human brained horse baby,'I'm definitely going mad' I am getting urges that I held back until now 'back in my human life these urges were really hard to contain with all the sharp things around 'ever since I took my own life they've been coming back' fidgeting around I try bashing my hoofs and head against the walls of the womb to no avail due to me floating in fluids.
I think I struck something because I feeling like i'm getting magically pulled out of the womb 'am I being birthed?' answering this I felt cold air and my ears are filled with the screaming of presumably my 'mom' after finally being pulled out and getting wrapped in a towel and the cord stuck in my stomach was pulled out by a doctor who enthusiastically exclaiming ''its a colt!'' oh no its so ugly 'what the hell is that!?!' I looked up at a brown horse with a doctors coat on with its freakishly big eyes and unorthodox smile 'my god!!' I tried slapping the creature away from me 'get it away!' it just laughed and handed me or is it 'fisted me over' to a pink horse I presumed was 'mother dearest' she was albeit more aesthetically pleasing I just wanted to go back into that black void.
Mother didn't stop smiling until the doctor left to get the discharge papers filled out she seemed so happy until he left 'looks like she'll abandon me the first chance she gets' her eyes narrowed as she put her hooves under my two front hoofs as the towel fell off my exposing everything well nothing really since I have fur ''I expected my colt to be a different color not pink this means you're going to be a coltcuddler in the future, and I don't want that'' she quickly hugged me again as the doctor came back in.
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I was now being carried in a basket as 'mom' held it in her teeth as she walked through the copy cat 'Manehattan instead of Manhattan' as I reached over the basket to look I saw her approaching a bridge that connects two parts of the city, ''coltcuddlers are a disgrace to Equestria and i'm doing a good deed of ridding you of this world'' I frowned as she reeled her head back than tossed the basket over the bridge with the intent to kill me and as I looked up she was looking at me falling for a few seconds until she turned around and started walking away 'but the jokes on her! I was born with flipping wings!' I flexed the new muscle as the wings extended as instead of flying I glided down the cliff into the water below until my wings gave up and I fell the rest of the way into the water 'damnit'.
*SPLASH*
To be continued......
Author's Note
I added sound effects.
The only thing I think I noticed that was bad was the lack of attention to detail in some paragraphs.
Feel free to dislike if its bad :L
Author's Note
Sorry if this seemed rushed and not good as the first chapter; I did it at night and was very tired.
Chapter 2
True fact; Lesche syndrome makes the person or in this case pony mentally retarded but......
wheres the fun in that?!
'words' means thinking and ''words'' means that I am making said character talk.
Ever waken up in a forest after getting thrown off a bridge and woken up in a river bed? well I have and i'm about to wake up right about.... now!.
With a jolt I opened my eyes immediately getting blinded by the sun;moving my front hoof to my face I blocked out the sun for a few minutes until I finally snapped awake and lowered my hoof and looked around 'damn crazy women' instead of seeing city lights and everything I was only able to see trees.... trees everywhere 'how the hell did I end up here?!' I tried voicing my opposition but only a quiet squeak came out 'damn it! speak!' I tried speaking again but only more squeaks came out.
The adrenaline flowing through me I got up to my feet and ran to the nearest tree than used two hoofs to grab the base of it than bang my head against it a few times 'speak!' *bang* 'speak!' *bang* 'why' *bang* 'can't' *bang* 'I' *bang* 'speak!' and after one more 'necessary bang against the tree' I let go and fell to the ground finally feeling the toll of my injuries 'that was stupid' visibly seeing and physically feeling the blood run down my face I just rolled onto my back and looked up at the sky 'that was really stupid'.
Now being able to taste the blood; to say I was disgusted was an understatement 'not bad' sighing and looking down at my back legs I could see the bones trying to make their way out of the legs,its a miracle that its not as bad as it seems 'alright' lifting my head up and putting my hoof up to my face to stop the bleeding 'wheres civilization?' debating for a few minutes or so I finally decided that going directly in front of me would lead me to a town.
but suddenly my wall breaks down and there shows our pink colt ''Bitch I hope the fuck you do!''He walks out of the rubble and up to our author at his chair holding a wing to his neck ''Pay attention to detail! I have flipping wings! now lemme use em'!!'' our author sighs and lowers the colt as he walks back into the wall disappearing,picking up a roll of duct tape from his desk drawer he walks to wall to repair it.
Moving a bit of my muscles I finally find the wing nerve and flex em' a bit 'lets go' lifting up to the air for a few minutes than falling down onto my hooves I flex them again and i'm finally able to fly over the tree tops.
After about a day and a half of flying and landing on clouds to rest I was able to make out a little cottage just a few yards away from the forest entrance 'yes finally!' I stand up on my cloud I fly off towards the cottage;after finally making it just to a little bridge I remember something 'wait' I feel my forehead again 'how much blood have I lost?' a white blur and everything gets woozy 'fuck' and darkness.
Instead of waking up in a forest I wake up in darkness 'this is definitely a dream' how do I know? the chances of seeing a killer clown from mars turning people into cotton candy globs are pretty slim; oh wait its changing 'hmm I remember this place' the scene changed to me sitting on a bed with a knife in hoof 'ohhhh yeah its this day' instead of trying to stop myself from inflicting harm to my dream hoof I let it happen *slash* that's one *slash* that's two *slash* *slash* *slash* *slash* *slash* *slash* alright that's six 'though it doesn't really matter its just a dream; a lucid dream'.
How long has this dream been going on? I don't know maybe and hour or two 'anytime now' i'm now standing on the front porch waving the last goodbye to my 'family' than the scene changes to some police officers standing at my front door 'hello officers' the look sad 'is there anything wrong?' the officer responds ''son i'm sorry to tell you this;do you know where your parents been?'' yep their dead 'no sir officer they left saying they'll be right back;could you maybe tell me?' the officer looked at his partner ''i'm sorry to say this son but your parents were in a fatal accident'' I struggled to hold back a smile ''we've called your relatives to come and collect you and your things'' I nodded holding my hoof to my face;alright now to get rid of them and onto the best part of this dream 'that's terrible news officer but thank you for telling me i'll be waiting for them' they nodded and left to descend the porch 'I can't hold this back' I let go of my face and start giggling than to straight on mad laughter.
To say what happened these past moments would something a normal person driven to insanity to do but for me its every weekend but now that its the weekend I can let loose 'to think I almost died that day made my heart tingle' looking around the now destroyed living room with blood splattered everywhere 'alright now when is it my time to wake up?'.
Reliving everyday until I subsequently killed myself was to say the least; humorous though the tingling in my heart got stronger and stronger until my limp body fell off the bridge and into the water below with the gun landing right next to it; I think that's when my hear couldn't take it all and I gasped and fell over stiffly breathing in and out repetitively until a bright white light appeared and blasted everything to pieces with some booming voice scaring them away.
Alright I think its time for me to wake up; I imagined a handgun and picked it up than looked towards my 'savior' it was a blue unicorn with wings in armor 'huh nice armor' than somehow pulled the trigger of the gun waking me up and in doing so startling a very quiet voice to say ''oh my their awake!'' followed by a bunch of footsteps 'oh great more ponies' I just left my eyes closed and waited.
Chapter 3
'Damn that must've been some party an--- oh fuck i'm not dreaming' I open my eyes to see a white bunny sitting in front of me with a frown and his arms crossed together 'you wanna go bro?' I mentally had a back and forth conversation with myself as I made up his voice in my head asking him if he wanted to fight.
Anyways onto the next problem at hand;a yellow pony with a pink mane peeking their head through a door in the corner of the room 'oh hey got any coffee?' the ponies eyes widen for a bit until they finally pulled it open as it hit softly against the wall.
''Well you sure were out for a long time!'' she 'oh yeah its a girl' said with a smile to which I just groaned and got up and laid on my stomach 'oh really? nah' than she finally noticed I fell and quickly ran over to me and lifted me back up on the bed ''oh i'm so sorry are you alright?'' just nodding I look up and take another look at her 'alright;big eyes, check, ugly err- no' quickly noticing iv'e been staring too long I swiftly bonk myself in the head and look down.
Hearing a gasp as quick hoof steps exit the room as another door is heard opening and than more steps as the my yellow caretaker comes back with a red box in her mouth with a white cross marking it;dropping the box on the bed and opening it with one hoof she pulls out some 'rubbing alcohol?' and the other a cotton swab.
'This is too much...' deciding not to deal with his nonsense I gave myself a harder bonk and knocked myself out;alright let this dream be good.
Opening my eyes to see fire 'interesting' taking a good look around I witnessed a giant snake jumping out of the sky and swallowing the sun whole 'da' fuck?' taking a moment to boggle my mind I realized where I was 'earth' and oh my god 'the fire and desolate land' looking around again with wide eyes this time;am I in New York? the destroyed city 'yep..' sighing and sitting down on my newly acquainted horse butt 'its judgement day' yep its August 20th 2012 the day everyone thought the world would end.
Turns out its true as I look up to see a giant rock heading down on earth;as a breeze picked up a tattered piece of paper landed in my lap and I looked down to read it.
[Hey! if you're reading this, were sorry, were sorry for causing the end of the world and unleashing the giant snake that swallowed the sun....]
'Well that's really convenient' looking back up as the rock broke through the atmosphere it crashed into the earth and instantly woke me up;back on the bed I woke up on with some added sweat 'what the hell is with all this random bullshit?' shrugging as if some magical force went over my body further progressing this story 'oh am I finally breaking the fourth wall?' 'damnit'
Alright so now to explore this new world 'where the hell is everyone?' I stood on four hoofs on the bed than jumped off;big mistake 'oh fuck' as pain jolted through my body instantly I felt it for a moment but shrugged it off as I got up and walked up to the door.
[Dear me:How the hell did I mess up this chapter so badly? well this self written story about me is gonna suck]
As I faced the door the scene changed as I appeared on a tiny circle staring at darkness until finally...
[Challenger Approaches!]
Intensely staring at the words floating in front of me 'where the hell am I?' oh wait is that? no way;in that moment my greatest enemy came flying into the scene [DOOR] this guy is always in my way.... now I get my chance to beat him.
Narrowing my eyes as a GUI opened up in front of me labeled 'Fight' 'Bag' 'Flee' and finally 'catch' alright what is this pokemon? shrugging as I pressed the fight button and the stupidest bullshit ever had to happen;it failed [your attack has failed against enemy;Door] how?!? [Insufficient height to open door] alright that does it, i'm jumping out the window.
Insert name here has left the battle~~~
Still wondering what the hell is even happening that is relevant to the story anymore 'like seriously author get your head in the game' anyways back to the window.
Staring at my newest enemy 'the window' standing up on my back legs and using the front ones to force the window open 'haha' but the window closed immediately after 'what?' I open it again *SLAM* I deadpan 'so that's how its gonna be?' mentally preparing myself for this battle of willpower I spent the next hour opening the window as it kept closing.
After spending mainly the whole day fighting the window I just gave up 'alright!' I threw my hands up in defeat as I fell over with a *oof* as my balance was thrown off making me fall onto my butt with a frown on my face 'now what?' seems like whatever I do is somehow turned into some ridiculous gag; whoever is doing this needs to stop its sick and mean.
Meanwhile in a pocket Dimension
A man was sitting at a desk typing away at his computer screen as he abruptly stopped 'was that?' he looked around for a bit until looking at his wall 'of course it was' seeing as the duck taped wall was being broken through he took the next step;walking over to a dark corner as it dissipated showing a close 'can't believe I have to do this' opening the door and reaching in to grab a 'gluestick?' shrugging he took the gluestick to the wall 'this will shut you up' opening the cap and extending the glue up he reached over and stuck his hand through the hole in the wall.
As a resounding *oof* was heard followed by some mild cursing; the man smiled and ripped the last piece of duct tape from the roll covering the wall completely.
'Aww man I was so clo-- wait?' I put a hoof to my mouth 'no' he didn't 'rubbing at my mouth I felt them sealed shut 'he did' that fucker now how am I supposed to talk? even though I don't know how;welp this calls for finding the nearest thing and breaking it than grabbing some of the shards and cutting my lips apart.
'Alright.... I can take glue to my now bloody mouth' spreading my rear hoofs a little showing 'my tenders' revealing them to be un-averagely small 'tenders' I felt rage.
'WHO THE FUCK SHRUNK MY DICK!?!?!?'
Twilights interesting introduction.
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