Rainbow Dash Beat Me at Sonic
Equestrian Gaming Competition
My name is Pixel Brightscreen. I'm an earth pony from Manehattan.
And I hate Rainbow Dash.
I hated her since our eyes first locked, sure. But now I hate her more than ever.
We first met in Ponyville. I was buying myself a copy of Pokemon Silver for sale there, because there were no local gaming stores in Manehattan. The store was packed with ponies young and old, bustling about buying games, half of which I knew was just shovelware. (One filly even walked out with a copy of Ninjabread Man.) I finally got to the retro section of the store. There it was, in all its glory- Pokemon Silver. Suddenly a rainbow pegasus snatched it off the shelf.
"Excuse me," I said. "I was about to buy that."
"Well I was faster. And I don't see your hooves on it, so that makes it mine." It would have sounded arrogant, but her voice was surprisingly calm for directly being rude to me. The rainbow pony exited the store.
"Man, what a jerk," I said I had to buy a copy of Pokemon Gold, when I really wanted Lugia on Silver.
But it just so happens I ran into her a second time. I was carrying a new PSP i bought after my old one broke. Suddenly I saw a huge rainbow burst of light crash into me, making me drop my newly bought system and it crashing down onto the floor. I immediately knew who it was. "HEY!" I said, chasing up to her. "GET BACK HERE, um... what's your name?"
All the ponies in the vicinity gasped. "He doesn't know Rainbow?" one stranger said. "Ohmygosh, he hasn't even met Rainbow yet!" another yelled.
"Rainbow Dash?" I said. "Really? That's her name?"
"She's only the BEST PONY EVER," said an orange filly from the crowd. The rest cheered in agreement.
"She just broke my PSP!" I yelled, but no one seemed to be listening. Everyone was just rushing to Rainbow Dash chanting "RAINBOW! RAINBOW! RAINBOW!"
That day I swore that one day I'd beat Rainbow Dash. And months later, I finally found the day.
My brother, Quantum Rocket, ran up to me. "Pixel! Pixel!" he shouted.
"What is it, Quantum?" I asked.
"You have to see this! There's a gaming championship in the Crystal Empire!" he said. "You'd be the perfect player!"
I obliged, happy to join, and knowing I'd crush the competition. When I arrived to sign up to the tournament, I saw my old nemesis in line. "You!" I shouted.
"Heh, uh, who are you?" Rainbow asked.
"You were the one who took my copy of Pokemon Silver!"
"I didn't take it. You clearly could have grabbed it before I did. Oh wait, I'm the fastest pony ever!"
"You arrogant little bitch... You broke my PSP too..."
"Oh, I did? Heh, sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, pal. I will destroy you in this tournament."
"Good luck! If I know anything about anything, it's video games. Just try to beat me."
"Challenge accepted."
Finally, a week later, it was time to compete. The first game was Team Fortress, and I won with ease. The next, I pummeled everyone in Mario Kart. The third round I won in Banjo-Kazooie. I tracked Rainbow's progress, and she wasn't just good at these games, she was FAST. She got first in Mario Kart by five minutes! Finally, it was down to four people. One had a really long neck and a goatee, one was a weird round red thing with a stem who kept quoting the Bible, and the final one was, of course, Rainbow Dash.
It sucked that the last round was her favorite game ever.
"And announcing the final game in our competition..." the announcer pony said. "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!"
"Aw, yeah!" Rainbow Dash yelled, and I immediately knew this was rotten luck.
"Whoever can complete Sonic the Hedgehog in the shortest amount of time wins!" said the announcer.
When we got started off, Rainbow and I were neck and neck. Then we reached Marble Zone, and she was barely staying ahead. Spring Yard zone, I was a minute behind. Finally I trailed off at the end in Labyrinth Zone. "That was, like, the easiest thing i've ever done!" Rainbow said arrogantly. My hatred inside for her seethed, and I was so hot felt like I was evolving into Rapidash, the second place trophy in my hand, the first place stolen by an arrogant nutjob.
I had to get back at her. I just needed to train and ask for a rematch. But she was good. Like, REALLY good. How could I compete with that? The only way i could train for those games is to be inside them myselves! But everyone knows that's impossible. Then I remembered- Nothing is impossible if magical unicorns shooting laser beams at each other is common. I just needed magic- but I was a lowly earth pony. How the hell was I supposed to use magic if I don't even have a horn?
Suddenly I thought of an idea. I could get a unicorn to transport me in the game-but it'd require a powerful one. I decided to offer Twilight some bits for me to get me into Sonic the Hedgehog.
Problem is, I don't own a copy.
I never bought it on retail. I owned it on emulator, beat it, and accidentally deleted it. I hoped that Twilight could magic me into it.
"Umm, why do you want to do this again?" Twilight asked me.
"Reven- uh, it'd be fun!" I said. "Here, will you do it for some bits?" I handed her a bag.
"Oh, I don't need pay. I could use a little practice with virtual magic," she said. "What game to you want to go into?"
"Sonic the Hedgehog."
"Okay... where is it?"
"I don't own it."
"You need a physical copy of the game to be transported into it," she said. "Otherwise you'd have to traverse different games in order to find the one you're looking for."
"I'm willing to do a little traveling if it means getting back at he- i mean having more fun," I said.
"Alright. I need a copy of a game. Once you beat it, you'll randomly be taken to a different one," she stated, then handed me a button. "Once you need to back out, press it and I'll magic you back."
"Alright." I placed the first game copy I found in my bag without looking at it. Before I could see what it was, she instantly magicked me into the game.
I saw a bright flash of light. When it was gone, I saw an elderly man standing in front of me.
"Hello, and welcome to the world of Pokemon!" he said.
Rainbow Dash Beat Me at Sonic
"Hello, and welcome to the World of Pokemon!" said the old man. "My name is OAK."
"I know, dipshit," I said.
"You can call me the Pokemon Professor."
"Is there any way we can skip this?"
"This world is inhabited by creatures called Pokemon."
"Guess not."
"Some people keep them as pets. Others use them for battle."
I punched him in the face. He seemed to finally take a hint and got to the point. "Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"
"What does it look like?" I asked.
"So you are a girl?"
"NO! I'M A BOY!"
"What is your name?"
"Pixel Brightscreen."
"So your name is PIXEL BRIGHTSCR?"
"No. Brightscreen."
"So your name is BRIGHTSCREEN?"
"No! Just call me Pixel!"
"So your name is PICKLE?"
"Ugh, close enough..."
"This is my grandson. You've been rivals since you were babies! Er, what was his name again?"
"Some grandpa you are."
"His name was SOME GRANDPA YO?"
"No. Call him.... Rainbow."
"His name was RAINBOW?"
"Yes."
Suddenly i was transported to a house, and I was in bed. I had been through this before, as I'd played Pokemon dozens of times. I got out of bed and opened the computer to get the potion in the Item Storage preemptively. Suddenly, Twilight showed up on the screen.
"Pixel!" she shouted
I flinched and couldn't move. "Twilight, how did you...?"
"I thought I'd contact you, since you're in a video game and all. After all, it's dangerous to go alone. And don't mind me asking but what game is this?"
"This is Pokemon Blue version. It's a game where you catch monsters to battle others. There are attacks like fire attacks..."
She had a look of worry on her face.
I went on. "Electric type attacks... Even poison type attacks!"
"Are you sure it's safe in there?" she asked.
"Of course it is," I replied. "The monsters only fight each other. But if you don't have a Pokemon on you, things can get dicey."
"That sounds a bit dangerous."
"What game isn't dangerous?"
"Um... You do realize you don't have the magic to defend yourself if a problem arises, right?" she asked.
"Oh, sure, 'unicorns are the master race' thing, racist."
"No, I didn't mean like that!" she said. "I just meant you're not quite... prepared."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Well, you spend your days in your room playing video games."
"I... uh... I guess I can't argue with that."
"So I'm coming with you!" she said confidently, as she teleported next to me.
I pushed her away. "It's just Pokemon. It's perfectly safe."
"Well, there is a possibility of glitching, which can screw you up."
"Glitching?"
"If you encounter a glitch, it can alter your memories or screw up your way of thinking."
"Um, okay. You can come along. Follow me," I said.
"Why are we walking out here?" Twilight asked. "You told me we have to get a Pokemon from Oak."
"This is literally how you get a pokemon. Trust me."
I took one step into the grass and Oak walked up.
"Hey!" he said. "It's dangerous to come out here without a Pokemon." He kept babbling on.
"Does he normally do this?" Twilight asked.
"Yes. ALL THE TIME." I groaned.
Finally I got to Oak's lab, expecting to see Gary/Blue/Rainbow, but I was surprised to see a pink pony I'd seen in Ponyville before. She tried to throw me a party the first time I came. The whole time I'd just wanted to buy a new DS.
"Hi Twilight!" she said. "Ooh, Pixel! I remember you! I threw you that big party! I mean I throw everyone reeally big parties too but still!"
"Pinkie, how did you get here?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, I saw this weird portal thing in my bedroom and I went through it! Everyone's been getting them in their houses recently. Strange stuff, am I right?"
Twilight looked at me. "Pixel?" she asked. "Was there anything wrong with that game card you gave me?"
"Well, I picked a random one out of my bag. I had two copies of Pokemon in it... but I might have pulled out the broken one I was going to trade for one that's working. Hehe..."
Twilight stared at me. "Teleportation spells are very fragile. A broken game could cause all sorts of problems, and rip holes through reality! It could bring glitches into reality!"
"Well how was I supposed to know that?" I yelled. "Look, I'm a gaming expert. I'm good at games. I could beat these games before the glitches seep out any day!"
"If you say so..." Twilight said.
"Anyway, let's just choose a starter!" I said. I went for the one all the way to the right. "Squirtle. The best gen 1 starter."
"Ooh! That looks like Tank!" Pinkie said. I think I'll have... this cool green one! Ooh, no the red one! Augh! I don't know!"
"Choose the red one," I said, knowing I was tricking her into a bad matchup.
"Okay!" she said. "Hey, want our little guys to battle each other?"
"Why not?" I asked, a smug look on my face. "Let's go!"
