The Blank Flank Brigade

It was a glorious day in Ponyville, as it always seems to be. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the town was as close to bustling as it ever gets. The streets were full of busy ponies going about their business.

There was a little race about to start, nothing major or dangerous

Whoops Ah hope those wires weren’t important.

Well not too dangerous.

The time for preparations was complete; or at least as good as it was going to get. It was time for the contestants to go to the starting line.

Relax, it’ll run fine, we didn’t need those spark plugs any way

The racers reached the top of the hill, and sized up the competition.

How is that thing hold together this long? I can’t believe they’re actually competing with that

Alright it’s time to show them what the crusader can do

MOOOOOOMMMMMMY I DON’T WANNA GO DOWN THIS a GONNA DIE.

The first racer called out

“Hey Scootaloo, how did you manage to get that ugly wreck on wheels up on the hill”

“ THE SAME WAY YOUR MOM GETS OUT OF BED EVERYMORNING,”

“WHAT, HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CROWBAR?”

“NO WITH A, wait what? What crowbar?”

“UUUUUUHHHH NEVER MIND SHUT UP, WE’RE GONNA CRUSH YOU”

“You’re welcome to try”

The race of course was a very dramatic affair, full of terrifying turns, dramatic falls, and death defying stunts.

Actually that’s a lie, it was just a 20 second race to the bottom of the hill, but it was dramatic in its own way, the appropriately named snailsmobile wouldn’t move at first, so a do over had to be called, and the Crusaders kept claiming that team Tiara was trying to sabotage their vehicle, “By removing the wheels when no one was looking”, eventually however, against all odds, and much to the chagrin of one Diamond Tiara, the Crusaders eventually won the day when mysterious white aura surrounded their box, oh I mean “vehicle”, and pushed them an extra half an inch to victory.

The crusaders were very excited, but sadly did not get their cutie marks.

There was another there that was more than a little upset with the turn of events.

“ I SWEAR REVENGE ON YOU CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS”

No one really noticed or cared, and figured that it was just Diamond Tiara being a “poopyface soar-hoof loser” But Diamond had a secret weapon in getting her vengeance.

“I now call the ancient order of the blankflank brigade to order.”

“Diamond who are you yelling to, it’s just the two of us.”

“SHUT UP, any way, WE ARE HERE TO DISCUSS THE ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION OF OUR DREADED AND ANCIENT ENEMIES, THE ANCIENT ORDER OF THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS.”

“Wait, so we’re here about that? Why did we need to get these tacky robes, and why are you using the royal canterlot voice?”

“Siiiiiiiiiiiillver, would you please just let me have a bit of fun, God you have absolutely no sense of style.”

“Please, my dad would appreciate it, he wouldn’t like it if we woke him up from his nap.”

“Fine,  but only if you wear the cape.”

“What ca….. oh that, I wasn’t gonna say anything,”

“Just put it on.”

*Sigh*”Fine.”

“Anyway can I continue now.”

“Go ahead, Illustrious leader.”

“ITS HER ENLIGHTENED MAGESTY AND YOU KNOW IT.”

“Fine then your enlightened majesty and you know it, go ahead.”

“Thank you, now as I was saying we are here to discuss plans to destroy the evil Crusaders, they have gone for too long without finding their talents, that’s why I propose trick them into an evil God and-

“Have them get away with it just like they did last time, and I don’t want to get peanut butter snow out of my mane again.”

“Fine then how about this, we create a gossip column, have them write it, expose them, so that everyone will hate them and tear them limb from-"

“I hate to interrupt you again, your enlightened majesty, but we tried that too, do you not remember how that turned out?”

“Fine give me a minute….

“How about”

“NO WE ALREADY DID THAT AND WE AGREED NEVER TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN”

“I wasn’t going to mention the walruses I was just going to suggest breaking them apart.”

“Hey that actually isn’t a bad idea”

“I know the only thing is we have to figure out how to turn them into glass”

“Never mind, I have an idea, instead of killing them why don’t we break them up on the inside.”

“I guess that’s a good idea, but how would we turn their insides to glass”

“No you moron, I mean hurt their feelings.”

“Okay I guess we could, but how could we hurt apart the terrible trio?"

"Who?"

"Their terrible leader Madame Bloom, the Rolling Disaster, and THEY WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

“Wait... you mean Apple Bloom, Scootalloo, and Sweetie Bell, right?

“OH COME ON what’s the point of having a secret society like this if you’re not even going to follow the rules”

“I never wanted a secret society”

“Totally beside the point”

“Any way why don’t you shut your mouth and let me come up with an idea that isn’t completely stupid”

“Well we could”

“What did I just say”

“I got it, why don’t we just get Twilight to teach us a spell to make ponies feel bad.”

“Oh yeah that’s  a great idea, why don’t we just go waltzing in and ask for that black magic……wait a minute, you may have a small idea there.”

“I do? I mean of course I do, all my ideas are great”

“Come on, Diamond, I’m feeling a sudden interest in skin art”

“What dya mean?”

“I think it’s time to give the crusaders exactly what they want.”

“Oh, Okay, then, HIIIII HO SILVER AWAY”

“Diamond,”

“Yes Silver”

“Why are you sitting on me”

“Well you are my glorious steed right, its right here in the founding papers”

“Diamond”

“Yes Silver”

“Get the buck off”