Even to this day, I find it amazing how effortlessly I can read ponies like an open book. Their goals, motivations and convictions are like the notes of a song of which I am the composer. Let me wax a little on my latest masterpiece.

When I first moved to Ponyville, it didn't take long for me to hear about The Cutie Mark Crusaders. Those fillies seemed to dabble in everything from solving mysteries to helping outlaws find their place. And of course, they were always willing to help anyone in need without any benefit to themselves. I wonder if anycreature has taken that generosity and stabbed them in the back with it yet. Clearly not. I guess I'll have the honor of being first.

Soon after the School of Friendship opened and I began my studies, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom began telling anycreature who would listen that they wanted to join Twilight's school. It was kind of predictable really. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had been learning friendship from Twilight and the others for years. And like most fillies and colts, they would use any excuse to avoid having to do real schoolwork.

Then there is Headmare Twilight. I have had to be careful around her, always keeping up the act of a sweet and caring filly. While she is sanctimonious and preachy to the last, Twilight is also skeptical enough to know when somepony is trying to fool her.

Having the Crusaders intentionally fail a friendship test would be too obvious, so I acted as their proxy and made sure Twilight knew that they were responsible for the results. And now, just a few hours later, here I am, eavesdropping on a meeting in Twilight's office that will result in the School of Friendship having three new students admitted out of pity. Although all this is merely laying the foundation of my plans, I still allow myself a quiet giggle at how easily everything fell into place.

"I know we wanted to be invited inside, but it kinda went different in my head," Scootaloo says. I suppose she thought Twilight and her friends wouldn't see through their half-witted attempts to get admitted.

"I can't believe you'd do something like this!" Twilight shouts. I can't tell if she's angry or surprised. Maybe the Princess of Friendship just can't bring herself to admit that she isn't as good a teacher as she thought. If Twilight doubts herself, all the better for my plans. Let her rot in Tartarus and think about how she utterly failed her students. I savor that thought for a moment and continue to listen.

"Like what?" Apple Bloom asks. If these three geniuses managed to solve mysteries with anything more than dumb luck, I'll eat my curls.

"You are Cozy Glow's tutors, aren't you?" Twilight replies, not bothering to answer Apple Bloom's question. Yes, they were quite useful in teaching me the words and actions I could use to accumulate friends.

"We've been working with her for days!" Scootaloo actually seems to take pride in her work with me. Sheesh, I think she actually believes the drivel she's been drilling into me for the past few days. After I am Empress, I think it will be entertaining to lift the veil of deception from her eyes and see her whole world crumble.

"That's what she told me. So you've been setting her up to fail?!"

No. No no no no NO! All my plans for the future come crashing down like a stack of Ocellus' books (of which I have been an unfortunate victim). I didn't forsee this outcome. From my observations, Twilight isn't normally one to suspect her friends of wrongdoing. What error could I have made?

From their outbursts the Crusaders seem just as surprised as I am. All ears are on Twilight now.

"I know you're upset that I won't let you come to my school, but to teach Cozy all the wrong things out of spite... That's just cruel!"

I begin to see where I went wrong in my little scheme and consider my options. There are several ponies I could use to rectify this, but none I can think of that wouldn't raise a slight suspicion about me. I could go to the Crusaders' older sisters, but thanks to the trio's previous fumbling they might support Twilight's judgement. As I decide my next course of action, the rest of the meeting plays out.

"But we taught her all the right things!" the airheaded one, Sweetie Belle, splutters out in righteous protest.

"Then how do you explain these friendship test answers? What are the six Elements of Harmony? Five turtlenecks and a cheese grater? Who is the Princess of Friendship? Your mom?!" Twilight reads each response with growing incredulity. I think my idiotic answers actually offended her sensibilities. I admit I went a little overboard with failing my friendship test, but it isn't every day one gets to mock the Princess of Friendship.

"I... I don't understand," Apple Bloom mutters dumbly.

"Me neither. I never thought you three would pull such a mean prank. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to stay away from my school. And my students."

I marvel at Twilight's hypocrisy. She claims to be the Crusaders' friend and mentor, yet she's easily willing to believe they would do something so nasty after knowing them for years. Perhaps I have misjudged her.

Upon arriving at this school, my first impression was that Princess Twilight Sparkle was merely an autocrat surrounded by sycophants that pretended to believe her propaganda. Yet, over time it has become clear to me that Twilight and her followers truly believe that friendship is magic.

Ah yes it makes sense now. Twilight's pride in her school and by extension her ability to spread friendship blinds her to how badly she treated the Crusaders. The School of Friendship is the Princess' pride and joy. When it's threatened, she won't stop at anything to defend it. I take note of that and mentally file it away for future use.

As I once again ponder how to keep my plans on the rails, I remember Apple Bloom telling me how this school almost wasn't opened in the first place, thanks to one Chancellor Neighsay. That is, until Twilight received some much needed advice from one of her friends.

Inspiration strikes.

"Oh no," I mutter as I walk away from the three downcast fillies leaving Twilight's office. This part will be rather annoying. Still, my next tool will be an excellent addition to the oeuvre.

The School of Friendship will be mine. Equestria and the worlds beyond will follow. There are no alternatives. Everything will go according to plan.

Author's Note

Cozy is one freaky filly. The next one will continue into Cozy's encounter with Counselor Starlight.