Author's Note

Holidays suck.

I know this chapter seems short, but I needed to get something out to prove I'm still writing this story.

Updates might be a little random at times, as my internet is extremely gay fucking AT&T

Hopefully, I can find time to work on this story, thank you for understanding.

Death Accidentally Snorts Acid

Delmar was running, and running quick. Celestia had enough and her headache was not helping Delmar's situation.

Well, when you poke the snake long enough, it will bite you.

Delmar poked the Sun Snake, and she was angry.

Not only that, he also has the Elements, Princess Luna, and a very angry looking dragon on his ass.

All in all, a very interesting squad of killer ponies, and dragon.

Of course, being Delmar, he constantly taunted the group as he transported around them, going as far as to punch Celestia's snoot, and slap Luna's face. With a pie mind you, not his actual hand.

Either way Luna was pissed.

Now, presently, at this very moment, Delmar was stuck between walls. On one end was two very angry princesses, and on the other was a group of really angry ponies, and another princess technically.

So make that three.

Delmar had a plan, well half of one, for the other half he would need a spoon. And fire.

He summoned a spoon, and taunted Celestia.

"Hey Celestia! I ate all your cheesecake yesterday!"

The reaction was expected, as a flaming ball of fire was hurled in his direction.

It missed of course.

But the heat was enough to make the spoon hot, and Delmar summoned a bottle full of liquid. A very weird looking bottle.

A colorful one, and smelled of peppermint.

He poured it in the spoon's dip, watching it bubble in half a second.

However, Delmar was in tunnel vision mode, and didn't see Pinkie Pie pull out her cannon, which literally shot a blunder of confetti that knocked Delmar on his ass. And sent the spoon flying.

Which landed on Delmar's face. It was hot. It stung. It was in his nose.

"Ah hell!" Delmar screamed.

All the ponies stopped, and watched Delmar writhe in pain. His bony hands scratching the bone of his face, making marks appear.

All at once, there was a snort.

Delmar coughed.

In another dimension, or reality, God gasped as he felt a great disturbance. God for once felt genuinely scared.

Death was now trippin'.

Celestia watched Delmar collapse in a heap. The liquid on his face soon dripping into his nose making him cough on instinct. Delmar's magic was seeping out of him uncontrollably, making Delmar groan.

"Uh oh... Maybe we should call somepony?" Luna looked on with a small smile on her face.

"Maybe... should we take him to the room again?" Celestia didn't have a smirk, instead a disappointing glare.

"Ah say we wait 'till he wakes up, then pummel the varmint in the face like we should'a." Applejack said with a cracking hoof. It works trust me.

"Yeah! He literally got us drugged not to long ago! We should pay him back with a good 'ol beating!" Rainbow landed next to Applejack and gave Celestia a determined look.

Pinkie was stuffing her cannon again with another confetti shot who gave a "Me three!" response.

Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight stayed silent.

"Well, to be honest, violence is no way to go for... y'know... Death." Fluttershy said softly.

"Oh yeah..." Rainbow and Applejack both said in unison, both equally disappointed.

"Now girls, I know you have hard feelings against Delmar right now. But that is no way to go for a god, because I would rather not die today." Twilight said sarcastically.

Even though in the back of her mind she knew Delmar could easily mop the floor with her.

"Sister, we should get him out of here, he needs to wake up in a secure room... again." Luna said with slight urgency.

Because the attention they were getting was becoming more apparent in the broad daylight.

"You're right, we should take him back." Celestia gave a nod to the Elements, who backed away fro Celestia to take Delmar.

Only she couldn't, no matter how much magic she poured into it.

"What? I can't lift him. Lulu you try."

Luna also tried to lift Delmar, same result.

"Twilight?"

Nope, not even a budge.

Even all three couldn't move him.

"What? We moved him easily last time! Why can't we move him now?" Luna complained.

"He didn't gain weight did he?" Rarity poked Delmar's sides.

"No, he's dead. He can't gain weight." Twilight gave a deadpan stare.

"It's his loose magic, it's blocking ours like if we were foals." Luna pointed at the black fog forming around Delmar.

Celestia sighed, she didn't want to do this, but she had no other choice.

"Luna... Get Discord here..."

Discord, the Lord of Chaos, was tending his garden. He liked to grow flaming peaches as a pastime. Although hanging around Fluttershy was fun enough, he knew she needed her own time.

He was bored though.

That was cured as a blue alicorn just busted his mind open and didn't even knock.

"Well Luna! To whom do I owe the pleasure!? Maybe knock next time!" Discord snapped at the alicorn.

"Shut up Discord, we need your help."

"Help? What kind of help?"

"We can't move Delmar."

Delmar? A pony perhaps?

Discord ran a check on her memories.

Death? As in the Death? Passed out on Celestia's front lawn? Oh how humiliating!

"So, the Great Alicorn Sisters are having trouble moving a body. How hilarious! Is he fat? Oh no wait don't tell me! You both have gotten fatter making you both sluggish!" Discord poked Luna's sides.

She slapped his claws away.

"Delmar's magic is seeping out of him, causing our magic to be negated. We can't move him, and if we don't he could wake up and start causing problems."

"Have you tried to communicate with him using you're... Dream Realm you call it?"

She hadn't thought of that.

"Oh... I guess it wouldn't hurt. Might be able to snap him out of it. Either way you need to get him out of the public eye, follow my sister to his... dungeon I guess."

"Can't I just blast him in there? Like a bug going a kjillion miles per hour with no regards for safety?" Discord laughed as he readied his claw to snap his magic.

"No! We can't do that! Keep it quiet while I talk to Delmar." Luna vanished after that, leaving Discord's mind.

"Fiiine... You always have to suck the joy out of everything..." Discord also left his own mind, following Luna's directions to Celestia.

Meanwhile in Delmar's magical, drugged brain.

Luna was wrong about coming here, she couldn't make heads or tails of Delmar's mind now.

It wasn't dark, or quiet.

It was loud and she almost had epilepsy from all the colors that were bouncing around.

Luna also swore she saw a bunny with a basket hoping around.

After seemingly forever, Luna finally came upon Delmar, splayed out and staring into the purple sun in his... messed up mind.

"Delmar?" Luna called out.

No response.

"Delmar? Helllo?" Luna waved a hoof in front of the fucked skeletal giant.

"Hey, did you ever wonder why the sun looks so much like a grape?"

Luna didn't know what to say, the random response was almost frightening her.

Suddenly, Delmar literally snatched the sun from the sky and ate it, breathing out purple fire.

Luna was shocked, but the sky was still lit despite Death literally eating it.

"Ah, that's a good grape. Juicy and crunchy..." Delmar sunk back into the ground, and continued staring.

Luna had no clue what to do.

Discord was laughing his ass off.

He finally reached where Celestia and the rest were, finding Delmar face down and seeping magic was hilarious.

However, what wasn't funny was how much magic Discord had to use just to move Delmar from the public eye. It took him several attempts of invisibility to make Delmar vanish, and even more magic spent on hiding himself. Even once they reached the castle, Discord was already heaving and whining about how tired he was.

Once they laid him down in his little "room", they waited for Luna to come back out.

"Maybe she ran into trouble? We don't know exactly what is happening in his mind." Rainbow first suggested.

"Oh! Maybe there's m-m-monsters..." Fluttershy shakily added.

"Ah bet'n she found Delmar and she be right beatin' him now." Applejack said with a smirk.

"Girls, we have no idea what's happening. But all of those are plausible in this... situation." Twilight stayed silent after that.

Little did they know, Luna was having the worst time of her life in Delmar's mind.

"No Delmar! Don't eat the children!"

To late.

The children exploded into pink confetti. Delmar was way to happy to see them explode as he was eating them.

What was creepy was they were also smiling as they were being devoured.

"Hey look!" Delmar grabbed Luna, and shook her gently. He pointed at the ground, and a flower appeared from nowhere.

It bloomed suddenly, and squirted out a foul stench that drenched Luna like a rain shower.

It smelt sour, and was so potent you can almost taste it. It was like trying to inhale magnesium citrate. Only it would make you shit pure water that felt like flames.

Not that I would know mind you.

"Delmar! Stop it this instance! I can't comprehend whats happening!"

"Think faster dummy!" Delmar threw a ball of meat at her head, which melted into water.

Luna couldn't take much more of this, Delmar needed to be stopped.

Naturally, Luna did what she needed to in a chaotic dream that had no seemingly peaceful end, so she decided to use magic.

Only her magic wasn't working, no matter how much she tried.

"Uh oh..." Luna said softly with a small hitch in her voice.

Delmar was riding a boar that had it's tail on fire, and the sky was following him somehow.

Luna was about to have a meltdown.

"She isn't coming out." Discord abruptly said, smashing the ice with a meat cleaver.

"Well obviously! It's been like thirty-minutes!" Rainbow yelled at Discord, not because she wanted to, but because she needed to.

Everybody was in a small fit about what to do, even Celestia looked stressed.

"Maybe... we can send in a recovery team? I know how to get into dreams easily." Because Celestia did it for a little over a thousand years.

"Can you bring us back out?" Discord asked with a raised eyebrow.

"With Delmar? I have no clue." Celestia placed a hoof on her head.

Twilight bit the inside of her cheek, coming up with a small, completely insane, idea.

"We can... force our way in his head..."

Everybody turned to Twilight, said pony was now feeling very self-conscious.

Celestia looked at Twilight quizzically "And how do you suggest we do such a thing? It's going to require a massive reserve of magic, and even then we only have us." Gesturing to Discord, Celestia, Twilight, and Rarity.

Twilight thought about a spell, not a ethical one, but one that could help their small issue.

"I... know a spell that can pierce any one beings mind for a short time. It will be able to send one of us into the mind of another as magical energy."

Celestia looked at Twilight blankly, as did everybody else other than Discord. Discord looked at her with a deadpan stare, as if he already thought of that.

"Alright Twilight, I trust your magic skills. But please, be careful." Celestia nodded to Twilight in affirmation.

Twilight sighed and breathed in hard. Concentrating energy to her horn, and towards Delmar's mind.

The magic worked smoothly, and easily opened a gate to his dream.

Twilight looked at the group "The spell will only allow one to enter, so I will go and fetch Luna. If I don't come out in about ten-minuets, use a teleportation spell to retrieve me back here from this gate." She looked mainly at Celestia, but Discord was also paying attention.

Twilight entered, and the gate shrunk to a pea sized anomaly.

Twilight had no clue what she was about to enter into.