Author's Note

This Chapter was supposed to be released Monday, which I'm hoping to bring out a new chapter every Monday. This has a LOT more talking than the last; More action and regular debauchery next time on ~~Dragon Ball Z~~ Anon's week in Paradise.

Day 2.

Putting his gun maintenance tools down, Anon got up from his chair, after putting his XP-100 onto the coffee table and turned to his backpack, opening it and unloading the contents onto the floor. Several small bags of golden coins flooded Anon’s floor, about half bearing the mark of the sun, while the other’s marking the symbol of the moon. All but one of the bags into a small safe behind a painted picture of a German Shepard. Pocketing the extra coin purse, placed the dog painting back in it’s rightful spot. Afterwards, Anon stepped into the spare bedroom-now-turned-storeroom, and grabbing a cardboard shoe-box. Lifting it under his arm, he soon found the day starting at the knock on his door.

Knock knock

Turning to the caravan door, Anon walked over and opened the dingy, dented entrance. “Hello?” he called, having a feeling he already knew who was behind it. His assumption was right.

“Anon.” The solar princess called back. Sighing, he opened the door. “Anon, we have much to discuss.” Anon shut the door for a moment, grabbing the now-empty backpack and slinging his pistol around his shoulder. Opening the door again, the princess tried to step inside.

Only to be body-blocked by Anon. “No entry. We’ll talk at my favorite cafe; better mood.” stepping aside, Anon, equipped with his Remington XP-100, opened his mailbox and grabbed the 3 letters inside, then walking towards the local Cafhay, with the Princess soon following behind.

==============================================================================================

Sitting down at the outside tables, the whole cafe was in shock; the local human was just becoming normal, but Celestia coming down to the out of the way, dingy establishment was out of the ordinary. Most ponies quickly got off their stools and bowed. Waving them away, Anon stood up, and waved at Hot Coffee, currently in the window, shaking violently and probably pissing himself due to the princess. Manning up, he trotted through the door and, shaking like an epileptic, reached the side of the table. Raising his pen and notepad in his magic, Anon quickly ordered his drink. “A Nice tea with a bit of your ‘super’ secret ingredient, Hot coffee.” Hot Coffee knew Anon was extremely stressed; the ‘super’ secret ingredient was strong vodka from Stalingrad. Turning to the princess, Anon motioned her to order.

Turning to Hot Coffee, Celestia broke tension with a smile. “Whatever Anon is having will do.” Anon quickly preformed a dry spit-take at what he just heard.

Turning to Celestia, Anon spoke up. “Celestia, that isn’t a good idea. Trust me.”

She turned to Anon in confusion. “Why not? Whatever is the problem with it?”

“It’s uhh… Expensive.” Anon stuttered, trying to think of an excuse.

“Well, I won’t buy one if it is.” Anon sighed in relief. That was lucky.

Celestia turned to Hot Coffee, who was shaking even more. “Put it on the Diplomacy allowance of Equestria.”

Anon quickly stared back to Celestia in disbelief. “Celestia, It’s bitter, an acquired taste! It’s not for you.”

Celestia groaned. “We aren’t debating this. Now go, and bring us our drinks, waiter.”

Anon leaned back with only one thing on his mind. ‘Shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.’

Celestia turned to Anon, clearing her throat. “Now Anon, lets start with the results of my researcher's tests.” Anon turned back to her, now attentive. “Lets start with the internal magic scan. We’ve found how your body has an immunity to magic. You don’t.”

Now Anon was confused. Celestia sighed and continued. “This is going to be confusing, but let me explain to the best of my ability. You don’t have Immunity to magic, you have immunity to assigned magic. You see, when any creature from Equus uses magic, the magic assigns to that being. For example, when Twilight Sparkle casts a spell, she uses the magic in the air and it assigns to her; she then command’s it to do things such as levitate an object. For some odd reason, Assigned magic repels you like two of the same poles of a magnet. The force that it uses is extremely strong, watch yourself around assigned magic. Your body is too unaccustomed to general magic to assign magic to yourself. You actually need accessible internal magic for that; If you were to absorb or a large chunk of powerful magic got under your skin, and it was enough for you to start making your own internal magic, this would mean you could be affected by magic, theoretically. But, in return, you would be able to assign magic to yourself, meaning you might be able to use assigned magic in some way.”

Before Anon let that sink in, his mind pondered a question. “Wait, If Assigned magic repels me, what about unassigned magic?” Anon felt a chill down his spine, as Celestia kept a straight face.

His worries were for naught, as Celestia soon showed a smile. “Anon, this brings me to my next topic. But first, a little information- when a being assigns magic to itself, that a lot of the magical power of the unassigned magic will be lost. Because of this, most magical researcher's have put a lot of time and effort in order to find a way to control unassigned magic like its counterpart. The only being to ever put this in working motion is Starswirl the bearded, however the power it took to control it took too much energy to have an effect on the amount of magical power used in casting- it took a lot of assigned magic to even start casting with unassigned magic. Now Starswirl disappeared over 4 thousand years ago, and researchers have been stumped since. But, there has been what seems to be new information.” Anon sat back staring at Celestia eyes.

She held eye contact. “Anon. According to the magical consumption tests, you can somewhat control unassigned magic at full potential.”

Anon stared at the table in thought. He could use magic. Random images of Anon casting ‘Accio!’ dildo behind Twilight sparkle popped in his head, causing him to giggle inside. But he could use some sort of magic.

He turned back to Celestia. “I have several questions. How much of a power boost is it over assigned magic? How do I even use it? And the most important question; Does Twilight know? If she finds out, it could be bad.”

Celestia was about to answer Anon’s burning questions, before a silver platter, with two mugs were put onto the desk. Pieces of card with Anon’s and Celestia’s name were in front of each cups respectively. “Your tea, your highness.” Hot Coffee bowed before walking away, before winking at Anon. He probably didn’t put vodka in the princess’s coffee. No, he wouldn’t have the guts.

Anon’s tea however, was fair game. Reaching for his mug, Anon was about to pick it up before his mug was switched with Celestia’s via the solar princess’s magic. “What? there’s nothing wrong with a switch if our drinks are the same!” Before Anon could respond, Celestia took a sip.

And another.

And then drank the whole cup.

Celestia’s eyes sparkled. “This is… Perfect! It’s sweet, with a tasty undertone hoof polish remover. I can’t believe me and Luna drank that stuff when we were younger, oh the memories.” Standing at full height, Celestia turned to Hot Coffee. “This is the best tea I have ever drunk! Another 10 Mugs for me and Anon!” Turning to sit back down, Anon noticed all the ponies around Celestia hanging onto her every word. Hot Coffee is going to get a lot more business soon.

Anon buried his hands into his face. With only one thought on his mind. “Shit.”

==============================================================================================

“Psh, Anon, Twilight doesn’t knowwww….” Celestia slurred. “Don’t werry, everythin’s fine.” Anon sighed. He has to take care of the drunk princess.

Anon continued slowly walking forward, as Celestia leaned onto him for support. “Come on, we’re going to the library; It’s Spike’s birthday.” Hobbling forward, they reached the door of the library.

Twilight opened the door. “Anon? What are you doing here?” Twilight stared at Anon with a look of confusion, before noticing Celestia perched on his shoulder “P-Princess Celestia? What are you doing here!?” Twilight quickly bowed, oblivious to the princess’s drunken state.

Princess Celestia turned to Twilight. “My student, yer princess need’s a…” Princess raised a hoof, before nearly collapsing to the floor. Rainbow Dash, noticing the smell of alcohol, giggled with Anon. Twilight went gray, and with a speed that made Rainbow Dash shake, Twilight teleported to the princess' side, allowing her majesty to lean on her, and helped the princess up the stairs to Twilight's bed.

Anon, breaking his laughter, turned to the line of ponies at the side of the room. Lining up next to them, took the box under his shoulder into both of his hands.

Spike came from the back of the room. “Whoa, are those presents for me?” Staring at the line each holding their own gift.

Applejack trotted forward, passing him her gift on the way. “You bet they are, birthday boy!” Fluttershy was next, delicately placing her gift on top of Applejack’s. Pinkie rushed after, then Rainbow Dash. Anon, watching Spike struggle hold his gifts up, used on of his hands to lift the dumbbell off of the top of the leaning tower and place it next to Spike. Sighing, Spike placed the gifts on a clear table.

Anon, taking the box and handing it to Spike, held his fist out and bumped, knuckle to claw. “Happy birthday, Dovahkiin.” Spike, putting your gift next to the others, looked over the gifts with a strange expression.

Rainbow perks up. “Don’t you know you get presents on your birthday?”

Spike looks back. “Actually, this Is my first birthday in Ponyville, I usually just get 1 present. From Twilight. A Book.” Twilight, who has just come back from Celestia, backs up the stairs with an embarrassed look, holding a gift which looks like a book.

“Speaking of Spike...” Rarity eyes a gem which Spike is holding which looks like a love heart. “As I have said before, that fire gem looks wonderful, it would be amazing to use in a wonderful dress!” Rarity fluttered her eyes in order to look more appealing. They say Anon’s glare could revive the dead.

Thankfully, Spike has grown mentally from Rarity’s last encounter. “No Rarity.” Spike rolls his eyes. “Like Anon says; sharing is caring, but if you care too much about something else you forget about yourself.” Rarity’s jaw dropped.

Anon, grinning at the display, moved to Pinkie Pie, who was at the punch bowl. Taking a cup, Anon sat back as Rarity whispered something about ‘corruption’ repeatedly, then fainted. Spike, ignoring the display and the 5 wide -eyed ponies staring at him, moved next to Anon. This was one of those parties.

==============================================================================================

After a bit of mumbling, the party soon got into full swing, with cake and punch. After a toast and some mingling, Spike found himself opening presents. “Thank you Applejack for a fireproof blanket, I needed a new one after the last one got set on fire and ended up neatly into Celestia’s soup.” Moving onto Anon’s present, Spikes eyes lit up. “Anon! How did you get a mint copy signed first edition of volume one of the power ponies!? And in a flame retardant cover!”

Anon laughed. “Connection’s Spike.” And some regrets.

Anon was gently pulled aside by Rarity. “Mr Anonymous.” she held a stern and angered look.

“Bitch.” Rarity was flabbergasted. “Yeah, my opinion and trust of you is about the same amount of trust and opinion I'd put in Stalin.” Rarity’s face was pure red in anger.

She sighed and calmed down. Soon after, Spike left for sugar-cube corner, and the duo was joined with 5 other girls. Anon noticed what was going on, with seats all in a circle and the gang on one each. “This is an intervention?” The gang looked at each-other in surprise in the fact that Anon guessed it on the first try. Anon whipped out his Remington XP-100. “WHERE’S THE GOD-DAMN FIRE? IS THIS A ROAST? I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ROASTED! Oh wait, let me shift gears here, shit I don’t have a spliff.” The others were confused. “Uncultured ponies don’t get the reference...” With Anon sitting down on the only open chair, Twilight cleared her throat.

Twilight looked serious. “Anon, we’re here today to talk about your problems. Though it may not seem like it in hindsight, but Anonymous, your problems are starting to affect the rest of us. Some more than others. Now we’re going to pass around this pillow, and whoever has it is allowed to speak. Are there any question’s beforehand you would like to ask?” Anon shook his head. “Alright.” Twilight levitates the pillow over to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow dash leaves the pillow in front of her, turning to speak with Anon. “Anon, I don’t really have much issues with you to sort out…” Twilight shot a death glare. “Okay, maybe 1. How can you drink so much? Your kidney’s must be failing by now; I’ve seen you openly drink scotch directly out the bottle in public, just ripping the label off isn’t making it invisible. Why?” Rainbow waits for Anon’s reply.

Rolling his eyes, Anon leaned back. “Something crazy happens every other fucking day here. Where’s my peace and quiet? Rainbow, I bet you 100 bits right here right now somebody’s going to cause major destruction by the end of this week- and today’s Saturday! I just want to walk down the street without being gawked at for once. I mean, come on. If I have to dull my senses to do it so be it.”

“Deal.” Rainbow shot back.

“Wait, what?” Anon replied, confused.

“you get 100 bits if it does, but if the town isn’t under a major crisis by the end of this week, I’m helping you quit drinking.” Shit, Anon meant that as a joke. Before Anon could reply, Rainbow threw the pillow over to Rarity.

Rarity, catching the pillow with her magic, sat up. “Anon, why do you hate me?”

Anon rolled his eyes. “Why would I like you?” Rarity was taken aback by this. Deciding to expand on his point, Anon stood up. “No, seriously, what makes you, Rarity a good pony? You, despite your element, are not generous. You take advantage of a baby dragon, lead him into an area full of diamond dogs, dig up a LOT of gems, and I mean enough to buy a house in my country, and give him a SINGLE, fucking gem? at least make it fair trade! Oh, and lets not get into the real meat of the issue here; you are taking advantage of his crush. Tell me Rarity, in honesty, In full, blooded truth: When you took advantage of his love, were you ever going to give him a chance?” Anon waited for a reply.

Rarity’s eyes dart around for a second, before replying. “Of course! I’ll give Spike a chance, he’s wonderful, sweet, caring and all around a great dragon!” Anon was taken aback by the answer. Before forging a reply, a voice comes from the other side of the circle.

“Your lyin’.” All heads turn to the speaker. It was Applejack. “Your not bein’ honest.” Gasps flooded in the circle. For the element of honesty to doubt your claims seems to be a big influence on everybody, it seems.

Anon turned back to Rarity. “Pass the pillow.” Rarity did what she was told. Levitating it into the air, the next one to grab it was a purple hoof. “Lets all calm down. Just, can we focus on Anon’s intervention now, and deal with this after?” Everyone nodded, Apple-jack reluctantly, and Anon sat back down. “Alright. Anon.” turning to the human, gave a look of sympathy... and a bit of guilt? “Anon, what's with your disrespect to authority? Is there any reason behind that?” Twilight asked, with Anon noticing a couple of notepads floating in her magic.

Sighing, Anon decided to be clean. “Twilight, it’s about human governments.” An additional 2 notepads flew up behind her. “Settle in folks, let Papa Anonymous tell you a story. Oh, and try to keep this between you six.” Anon cleared his throat, preparing his story.

==============================================================================================

Anon continued his story with gun sign to his head. “So, the big bad Hitler blew his brains out in his bunker, and not long after, Germany surrendered. But Japan were sticking to their guns, so we created these big bombs that could take out Canterlot, Cloudsdale, Ponyville, and Appleloosa, as well as give those in Detrot, Fillydelphia and Manehatten nuclear fallout and give all their foals cancer, and fired 2 of them in their major towns. ”

Anon snapped out of his storytelling, observing the ponies around him; Fluttershy was shaking in the corner, Rarity fainted pretty early on, Rainbow Dash froze wide-eyed, Applejack left, and Twilight was still writing while suppressing the urge to hurl. Pinkie was pinkie, and was already planning her holocaust themed cake in her head.

Suddenly, a pony barged through the door. “Twilight, come quick! there’s a dragon attack!” The pony’s perked up at the message. Pushing the horrid tale to the back of their minds, Anon and company barged out of the door to see a giant, purple dragon attacking the town, which had no wings and shared an uncanny resemblance to Spike.

Of course, Anon turned to Rainbow Dash, with the biggest, most noticeable, shit-eating grin. Reaching into his bag, pulled out a bottle of whiskey and downed it. Rainbow dash, with a look of pure hatred, flew forward when she felt a necklace snap around her neck. Twilight Sparkle, arming everyone with the elements of harmony, prepared a shot to the dragon. Anon walked closer to the dragon as Twilight’s ranged attack of the dragon with her Deus Ex machina necklace’s blasted the dragon easily, watching as it shrunk down to size of a baby dragon…

Anon realized it was Spike. “Fuck. Well, your screwed if I don’t do anything about it.” Running forward, Anon quickly hid the knocked out Spike under his coat, as 6 certain technicolor horses rushed around the corner.

The purple one quickly turned to Anon. “What happened to the dragon?!” Twilight panted, looking to Anon for answers.

Anon quickly made up bullshit. “It spoke to me before leaving… he uh… Yeah, he was being hunted by poachers! He snapped like a twig, and thought this was a village in ‘nam! And then he went that way!” Pointing down a random road, the girls listened to Anon’s words and left. “Suckers.”

Taking the coat off of the dragon, Anon noticed Spike was glowing and growing. “Shit.” Stepping back, Anon watched Spike grow around the size of Anon. Purple, large leathery wings grew onto Spike’s back. Spike still lay unconscious. Anon, sighing in relief, hoisted the now heavy dragon onto his back, heading back towards the tree-house. “Fuck my shitty life.” Anon said to himself, drinking from the bottle in his offhand.

Anon entered library and lay Spike onto the couch. Sitting next to them, Anon leaned back and passed out.