Author's Note

Please don't be so harsh, I'm just your average autist trying to make a living off the suffering of anyone who hates shitposting.

Also, here's some music to keep you plebs occupied as you read my masterpiece.

Do you really need Oxygen to live?

So basically I was playing that fucking block building game that was popular for a few years by mostly twelve year olds with a self diagnosed mental illness. I was building a nice fucking house in creative, because survival mode is for plebians who work, and I certainly don’t fucking work... like a plebian. My house is a grand old building made entirely of oak wood with a nice roof with no wooden overhang, like what those damn “popular” kids do, being popular meant nothing to me. It had two stories, and had a nicely furnished inside where everything is, again, made of oak wood. Nothing better than classic old oak wood, the most beautiful wood in the west, not like the spruce wood, or jungle wood, only a disgusting degenerate would use those.

I spent five hours making this masterpiece of a building, being so nicely rectangular, the blocky windows being placed in random locations, a tear was brought to my eyes, it was so beautiful, nothing could compare. That was when my mom came bursting into the room screaming at the top of her lungs at one o’ clock. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NOT AT SCHOOL YOU WORTHLESS SHIT!” She screamed with those disgusting lungs, looking like she got fucked by fifty guys.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH, I’M PLAYING MINECRAFT!” I screamed even louder, say, where’s my dad with a belt where I need one? Suddenly I heard loud yelling in the other room, and a loud bang as something hit the wall nearby. There was screaming, and the sounds of a metal belt making contact with bare skin. So he shows up now, about fucking time, I was gonna fuck her up myself soon

I went back to admiring my perfect work of art when my door was flung off it’s hinges, ~~and Thanos came through the doorway like in that movie trailer or something.~~ and a shirtless fat lard with a gray beard came into my room. “WHY THE FUCK DID I HEAR SCREAMING YOU RODANT?!” The beast roared, it was clearly hungry for more. I pulled out my masterfully hidden “Glock 19” with an “AR-15” extended butt stock, a holo-sight, and a “500 round” extended magazine with a flamethrower. Checkmate bitch.

The beast attempts to charge like a mighty bull high on cocaine, but I fire a hundred rounds of my full metal jacket hollow point tracer incendiary bullets into it’s face, and it fucking explodes. There are literally brains everywhere, and I move into the hallway to find my fat ass of a care taker fucking dead. “Oof.” I say in a resounding cry of freedom, as I look at my mighty, beautiful house for the last time, and I turn the gun on my maw.

Pulling the trigger I was met with the Minecraft death sound, and death screen. Pressing respawn, it loaded a world and I fell like in that fucking falling Gibby or whatever the fuck meme from iCarly. I make that Roblox “oof” sound as I hit the ground, and literally crack fifty bones just to immediately stand again. Everything’s a damn forest around me, they’re even normal fucking trees for fuck sake.

I noticed I even had that Minecraft interface The fuck am I supposed to do now? Worthless fucking gun, I wanted to die, not live again. Looking at myself, I had weird fucking blocky arms like in that fucking game for some reason, and nothing about me was even remotely human anymore. Great, how am I supposed to grip things with these worthless block fists? In a fit of rage and confusion I punched a tree and it fucking explodes like I’m one punch man. I then scream like some autistic spawn created by Satan himself, I screamed until my lungs weren’t even giving off carbon dioxide anymore and it wasn’t even fucking audible.

Passing out like some bitch who needs air, I wake up inside a fucking building, fuck this. I become one with the autism, and literally faze through the house’s front door like a god among plebs. I levitate towards the town at breakneck speeds, going at mach 30 literally breaking the sound barrier so fast there wasn’t even sound created. I was met with a cozy looking town, and weird looking horse things, clearly nothing had changed, for I knew not what was normal.

“HELLO DENIZENS OF A GREAT CITY I’VE NEVER SEEN OR HEARD OF UNTIL NOW, BOW DOWN TO MY GREATNESS OR BE DESTROYED BY MISTER CITY DESTRUCTOR 5000000, MY ASSOCIATE IN CRIME!” I boomed like a god that had never heard of puberty, shattering a many windows in the process. Everything had turned to chaos, as everything had turned into a massive blob of screaming colorful horses like it was normal.

I pulled out my super epic “Glock 19’s” flame thrower as I burned literally everything around me, but not kill anyone, no, that wouldn’t be family friendly, now would it? I kept burning random shitty buildings around me, until six horse things stood before me

“You won’t get away with this you generic crazy villain that always seem to pop out of no where!” The purple one yelled at my oh so glorious face, so disgusting, this one shall be destroyed. “HOW DARE YOU INSULT YOUR FUTURE GOD AND KING WHO WILL MAKE YOUR WEAK NATION GREAT AGAIN!” I once again boomed like a prepubescent mouse trying to gain the attention of people around me like an autistic retard.

Something struck my chest which sent me flying into a wall so great and mighty China and Trump would be jealous. I made one final “Oof” of the mystical Roblox death sound as I heard a button get pushed. “That was easy.” A machine said with clearly pre-recorded audio programmed into a machine made to go off at the push of a button. Before I was knocked out, I heard one ask “What is that thing? And why does it look so retarded?” Someone asked with a tomboyish voice. “I don’t know Ranbow.” The purple one said, because I can remember voices you fuck faces reading this.

ded.

THE END, OR IS IT?