Kinky Time T.V.

“Uuuuuugh…...Stupid hangover….” I sit up and stretch, my eyes not adjusted to the light yet. I shuffle out of bed and trudge to the bathroom.

When I finish, I yawn and sit at the foot of my bed, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

“Jesus, that was a rough night…. At least I got home safe, I guess.”

I look over to my bookshelf and notice I have a large stack of various books sitting there, and a scroll sitting on top. It has the royal seal on it.

“Huh…” I grab it and unfurl it, reading aloud:

“Dear Cross Beam,

I would like to formally invite you to Canterlot for the weekend. Your input about your battery box, as well as your world has been requested to be added to the archives. Please, return this letter when you’re packed up.

P.S. Yes, I can scry you.

Princess Celestia.”

I roll up the letter and sigh softly.

“Of course she is. I’m new here, so she has no trust in me yet. Makes sense. Well, if I’m gonna work on that damn battery, I’ll need my tools….” I jump as my magic kicks on, creating my old, leather tool kit. It plops to the floor with a heavy, metallic thud.

“Oh-kay then…. I’m gonna just pack now.” I get up, but stop.

“Fuck, no clothes. I only have the one outfit. Damn it. Guess I’ll just bring the one till I can afford new sets…”

I throw on my normal clothes, grateful for drunk me for at least wearing pants to bed.

I grab my tool kit and hold the scroll.

“Celestia, I know you can hear me. I’m ready when you are.”

The world flashes white, and I’m suddenly at the foot of the throne room, staggering half-blindingly.

“Gaah, a little warning?” I rub my eyes aggressively until i can see fully. When I finally can, I look up to the throne, seeing Celestia sitting in an elegant white gown with gold trim, holding back giggles.

“I’m sorry for laughing, Cross. But you do look act rather adorable when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry….or adorable! So, I assume you have the core somewhere safe?”

“We have it in a freezer in the science lab. Come with me.”

She stands and saunters across the hall, with me close behind.

Don’t think of anything weird…..don’t think of anything weird….

“Why are you humming in your mind?” She asks abruptly.

“I-I, uh...do that when I’m tired.” Good save.

I can hear you.

Shit.

She walks down the long hallway of the castle, passing elegant doors adjourned with various decorations, until we reach a solid metal door with no sign of a hinge or crease.

Her horn glows bright yellow, and the metal splits down the middle and parts, revealing a huge laboratory filled with dozens of ponies in labcoats working on various potions and enchantments. Wait, how do I know that?

“I see Starswirl’s thaumoplasm has helped you learn our arcane magics some.”

“Um, you know about that? Listen, don’t give Twilight a hard time. She was just doing what she thought was the right thing.”

“I won’t. I trust her judgement completely.” We reach the end of the lab, where several scientists are standing outside of a huge, floor-to-ceiling metal box. And that’s saying something, considering this room alone is 50 feet tall at least.

“We’ve kept your core in here to prevent any possible dangers. If you’ll hear it, my sister and I would like to make a proposition for you.”

“Go on.” I look up at her, listening intently.

“We would like you to teach our staff here about this battery you possess and your technology.”

“I’ll teach you some, but not all. Look, that thing in there could level a city if it fell into the wrong hands. That’s why it’s in the box. So only a set amount can be used at a time. But, I can teach you all all sorts of stuff, no problem.”

“Excellent. And you’d be getting paid approximately 8,000 bits per hour. Is that fair?”

“Is...Jesus, is that a lot?”

“From what Luna tells me, yes. Quite.”

“Well, uh...alright. Who am I to deny basically a goddess. When do you want me to start?”

“As soon as possible. And by what you’re carrying, I’d say now.”

I shrug and set my bag on the table closest to me and I approach the door.

“Open sesame!” Nothing happens.

“Cross, what are you doing?” Celestia asks bluntly.

“I thought it would work….” Her horn glows and the door creaks open, washing the room with cold air. I shudder a little.

When the door is opened, the battery core is sitting on a pedestal in the middle of the otherwise barren safe. I step inside and grab it, walking right back out. The other ponies in the room back away, and I chuckle.

“Easy. It’s harmless. Unless it’s fused to your body.” I set it on the table.

“I need something that can hold electricity.” They all look at me dumbly.

“Right. Uuh, does anyone have quartz? A big piece, about two feet in diameter?” A younger stallion approaches cautiously and hands me a piece that’s as long as my arm and big around as my head.

“Good enough.” Alright, let’s try…. Copper wire….copper wire….

I reach up to my horn and grab onto something. As I pull, I see a long, rubber-coated copper wire flow out of my horn like my head was a spool. Everyone oohs and aahs. Celestia even looks mildly impressed.

“Okay, now. I know you know what magic is, but this creates something called a conduit.” I strip the ends of the wire with my teeth and loop one end around the quartz, and the other to the battery. I reach into my bag and pull out a hammer. I reel back and slam it hard on the wire attached to the battery, making the quartz instantly glow a brilliant orange.

“Oh, my goodness. It charged the stone instantly!” Celestia exclaims. I can’t help but smirk at her dumbfounded expression.

“Exactly. Quartz is not only able to store magic, but it can store what humans call Electricity! My job will to be to create a form of battery using human methods of producing electricity to one day be able to do this.”

I grab a lightbulb from the air, my magic easily creating it. As soon as I touch the base of it to the quartz, it lights up a bright yellow.

“He captured the sun’s light!”

“No, it’s a fire, it must be!”

I chuckle, hearing them all murmur theories amongst themselves. Celestia interrupts by walking through the crowd up to me. She kneels down and looks closely at it.

“This is called a light bulb. It uses a piece of metal called a filament in a vacuum to produce light when introduced to electricity.”

“This is quite an incredible invention. But what is that metal that’s lit up?” She asks, poking the bulb gently.

“Ah, that would be tungsten. It’s usually found in a human country called China.”

She takes the lightbulb and it turns off. She hands it to one of the scientists. “Take your group and try to reverse engineer this. Please.” The mare nods and scurries off with a few others.

I start to put my tools away when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It was a scientist mare.

“Would you, um...l-like a lab assistant?” She asks. She was just barely taller than me, so short amongst ponies. She had reddish-purple hair and soft, light pink fur. She was virtually curveless, but her eyes caught my attention instantly. Her pupils were a brilliant red in the shape of hearts.

“Uuuuh….I suppose….what’re your qualifications?”

“Well, I have a masters in Alchemy and I majored in Potions in college.”

Her skills may be useful, considering I have no idea how potions or alchemy work here.

“Hmm. Alright, you’re hired. I can’t pay you very much, though…”

“Oh, that’s okay. The Princess pays all of us that work here. I just wanted to work with you. Everyone else thinks you’re some kind of demon…”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“You made a seemingly empty box fill a ten year crystal in a millisecond.”

“A what?”

“A ten year crystal. They’re crystals designed to store enough energy to power a single hospital’s equipment for ten years.”

“Jesus….Well, let’s just ignore them and get started. I’d like you, as your first task, to take this piece of copper wire and see if you can find a way to transfer the electricity from my box into an environment rather than a single place. Not making Edison’s mistake….”

“Who’s Edison?”

“Well, he invented the concept of electricity and perfected the light bulb amongst other things. But when he made electricity available, he decided to sell it for a profit. I want to do what my hero Nikola Tesla wanted to do and make electricity free to everyone.”

“Oh, my….That’s amazing! I’ll get right on it!”

“Oh, hang on!” I tap my head and a small, three inch tall tesla coil appears from my horn.

“This may be a good place to start. But remember, we don’t want to use thousands of these for the city. Just one to four.” She takes it curiously.

“It’s….so tiny….”

“Well, it’s a small replica. Just see what you can do, please?” She nods and moves over to her desk across from my work table.

I look up to see Celestia leaning over the desk, her face inches from me. She’s smiling softly at me.

“Cross, may I speak to you for a second?”

“Uh, alright. Sure.” I try desperately not to look at her huge rack that literally spills over onto the table.

She stands and saunters back into the hallway, and I silently follow. When I walk out of the room, she suddenly grabs my coat and pins me at eye-level to the wall.

“Ow! Hey, what are you doing!?”

She grins mischievously, a look I’m very aware of.

“Ooh, no. No no no. I’m already with Luna and Chrysalis. I can’t take all the monarchs…”

“Oh, heaven’s no. I just want you to fuck me. After that, I’ll be done. I have someone else in mind.”

“Then why don’t you have sex with them? Why me?!”

She blushes softly, and it all clicks.

“Oh, my God. You and Twilight?! Really?”

A blush covers her face.

“I knew it! Tia, seriously. Just ask her out. You’re the princess. I know she likes you, too.”

“You...really think she likes me? How can you tell?”

“I just do. Now, go talk to her. And keep your activities at acceptable volumes, okay?” I wink.

She blushes and sets me down, vanishing with a flash. I fix my coat and sigh.

“That would’ve been way too OP main character for me…. Why the hell am I talking about myself like I’m a character in a story? Eh, I’m probably just tired.”

I sit against the wall and yawn, dozing off to sleep.