A Series Of Unfortunate Eventual One-Shots

"Welcome Pinkie Pie! To Poetry Night at Celestia's! Hosted by ME Discord and Princess Celestia!" An old father Discord records on home video. The white text and numbers within the video frame a plaintively even Celestia. "That's my girl, Celestia! Give her a hand folks, she's OLD you know!" Discord shouts, introducing the non-existent show.

He snaps his fingers. It exists now! Wild applause from the audience, which is a bunch of different versions of Discord. Pinkie fires her party cannon! In her enthusiasm, she got caught up in the moment and celebrated Celestia's old age. She grins nervously at Celestia.

Luna and Twilight, who have just witnessed all of this, clap with trepidation. They know not what to do.

Celestia is tempted to end this night right here with the kind of delightful gore only alicorn magic can provide but with a little effort, retains her composure. Amidst the audience of Discords prattling in the background Celestia presses on. "I am here, Discord to judge the poetry contest, which you weren't inv-"

DISCORD takes the stage! He is HAMMING IT UP to the introduction orchestra, who are Discords, and suddenly he's all [FRONT and C. He takes the sparkling blue stage, adorned with a cane and a spotlight. Several other Discord dancers in the background, they wear white tie and spatz, all in sequin! He sings a song about beauty, love, and loss with stunning choreography. Note to Discord: A sewer cover can be rigged to an air pump so that it can be jettisoned up to Discord via, a Co2 canister and a bike pump so that the sewer cover becomes his hat. Discord catches the sewer cover hat and is about to go for the big finish, when-)

(LX#3 GEN/SPOT to BluesSPOT)

Unforgettable by Nat King Cole starts playing, Discord sloooows it down a bit.

(He approaches Celestia, ascending the stairs to the judges panel, ready to sing his heart out! Celestia is concerned where this is going. (The audience applauds, the Discords are all going crazy!)

(LX#4 Blues to FocusSPOT)

(The music sadly, slowly dies down, but the piano remains in the background twinkling softly)]

Celestia's lips pull back into a sort of frowning smile, she suddenly found herself at a materialized judges podium amidst a Discord audience comprised of terribly unimaginative, slightly different versions of him.

[The mood is set, the audience of Discord await in silent anticipation for THE BIG MOMENT. They wait for Celestia's answer as the orchestra swells then... STOPS dead. Discord snaps and materializes a mic with gusto. He is about to propose to his doll showtune style! A drumroll leading up to the vocal.]

He checks his talons and says. "Something I thought terribly rude by the way. I mean where was my invitation?"

Crickets. (But they kind of don't make noise, they weren't really co-operating because I fetched them from a different reality.)

Feedback on the mic, Discord signals the Discord to pull back the gain, Discord grumbles and does as he is told. The Discords prattle in low whispers while Celestia evenly looks into the camera, when one of the cameraman Discords snaps at her to gain her attention.

Celestia begins to speak but finds that no sound is coming out of her mouth. With a grin Discord taps the mic with his paw and rolls his eyes at her knowledge of showbiz. He has the mic. And he is "LIVE. " He says proudly!

Celestia comes to the realization she is not "LIVE." and thus, remains mute until Discord deems fit.
She sighs, her patience is being tested, but she's keeping it together. He hasn't ruined the night yet.

"How dare you think I ruin your night! Hello future Celestia!" A crack in the calm. She forgot when Discord started saying that, but it was a long-ass time ago. He'd been setting up that punchline for decades ahead by saying it over and over for a whole year a century ago and intermittently since then...for the day of her poetry contest between a dozen ponies from Ponyville, herself, Luna, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. She hangs her head in defeat, this is exactly what she was trying to prevent. She had taken extreme precautions on changing the dates and times, endlessly, only telling the real date and times-

"Pinkie told me!!" Discord interrupts the narrative and grabs Pinkie Pie from off-frame, and holds her in a big brotherly shoulder lock. "And isn't she just adorable ladies and gentlemen? I mean, what about all that pink, huh?? It's contagious!" The Discord audience applauds as Discord squeezes Pinkie's cheeks together. A second Discord holds the mic in front of her face.

Feedback. Pinkie's cheeks are still smushed together by Discord. Then, she shrugs. "I owwy mewshend it tew him!." She marshmallows brightly.

Celestia sighs. "Always account for Pinkie." She thinks and mentally takes a note for the next time and Discord hands her a notebook-she winces again. She hates it when he mixes her internal thought with reality and boy did he know it. He dips his shades and raises his eyebrows at Celestia.

"Now, c'mon Celestia! The world is waiting, why wasn't I invited?" Discords gasp and Discord gestures towards Celestia with the Mic and waits for her to speak.

The Discords watch in anticipation. With impressive restraint, Celestia eases her muzzle toward the mic. FEEDBACK, her ears lay back and she frowns. Discord frowns too. He taps the mic and signals the Discord to lower the gain again. He gives the Discord a demanding look, the Discord shrugs nervously. Discord gives one more lingering look at the Discord before smiling, tapping the mic and points it at Celestia.

Celestia once again eases toward the mic and says. "I-" She is interrupted by a tiny bit of feedback. Discord growls at the Discord, Discord is afraid he will lose his job.

Celestia blinks harshly but tries to start over and the soundstage echoes with her answer. "I have already decided to let you participate. I didn't invite you because I thought you wouldn't be interested and be disruptive to ponies who are here to showcase their poetry." The mic disappears and you can hear murmurs in the audience of Discords, "She has a point." Can be heard from a whispering British Discord, who adjusts his glasses.

Discord sassily puts his hands on his hips, shoots a hurt look at Celestia and all of his materialized hims dissappear, along with the sound stage and crew. He snaps and puts on a beret."Hey, I can be cool." He says and snaps again. His mouth is a zipper, he zips it shut and paws the zipped-shut mouth to Celestia, she makes a face at it before accepting it into her telekinetic field. He snaps again and is mouthless and pleasant as a daisy, sitting cross-legged in a materialized folding chair. It reads "DISCORD" on the back.

The zipper mouth smiles and Celestia frowns, puts the zipper mouth down and forces a second wind. "Now which pony would like to go-"

Discord raises a talon.

"Discord, why don't you go first." Celestia says with unsincere enthusiasm.

He claps excitedly and happily rushes to the stage and then pauses as if he forgot something. He turns, runs to Celestia and extends his paw.

She rolls her eyes and hovers him the zippered-shut-mouth and he runs up to the stage. She had decided not to complain about the room being occupied by a small stage with a microphone on it. "At least we have a nice one for the contest now." Celestia thought, as Discord ran up to the mic while unzipping his mouth.

Still donning the beret, Discord snaps his fingers. The lights dim to a spotlight.

He recites.

"I dipped a pickle in wine, only to find that thine wine pickled my dill fickle, and dockling with your dongler was too pickling for my dingled dingler. Pringled by a can that widthly was not spiffly to slide but the dilly obliged too slippily applied. Thus this Ribbed, ribely robed wronger was trilled by size and triply measured the googlers pleasure, at least when the greenly rod 'rived. Fried, what was once wet and lithely bligh, slowly to stop and spit and sit when this slithery shaded sleuth slided idly by. Thus ends the story of one pickled dilly, so sillily dined, methodly dipped with wine." He snaps. Lights return to normal as he bows.

There is a more than fair amount of applause and Discords teleports back to his folding chair, muzzle raised primly. Celestia was wary, she had never seen him do that unless he was about to win an argument but she applauded nonetheless and soon there was quite a noise from all present.

Amidst the growing applause Pinkie drew in some heavy breaths while thinking. "Holy tomoly! I had never ever in a million bejillionest years, would ever break a Pinkie Promise so often! But Mama Pie, I accidentally broke my promise again and got all hot and bothered before I was even married to somepony!" POOF! "But hoooooeeeeeee! I had never even considered getting this wet to a poem containing a bitter or salty food, but wow, my pony parts are partyin everypony! My pussy needs pounding! I'm wet? You bet! I'd like to chew that Discord like a pack of Double Bubble Supreme on the third day of chewing it! If anypony is getting ready to pounce, it'll be this Pinkie's tushie! All aboard, cause my manifolds have got some greeeeaaasy sailors! Ooooh, also I bet Discord's cum is bitter so I can get rid of this weird craving for savory yummies." Feedback from the mic. Pinkie, amplified by the mic, says. "Woopsie! Pinkie forgot to think it and it got thunked out loud!"

Twilight Sparkle nods her head, defeatedly. "Oh Pinkie Pie." Luna is more enthusiastic and silently, but intensely claps.

Applause! The audience peaks here, they are ecstatic. Pinkie had said too much and her tummy ached.

Discord, grinning like crazy, coyly looks over at Celestia and says. "You know what they say about pickles-"

She has lost her cool. "That will conclude our poetry night."