A Series Of Unfortunate Eventual One-Shots

Don't ask who I am in case ya ain't willing to know the answer. Prowler in the night, most assuredly. By day I'm the mare who likes a cup of tea when it's cold, a lunchtime snack when I'm cranky and on any spare time I might have, I have the overwhelming urge to appreciate the finer things in life.

In case you would do something so selfish as to ask "Why would you do that?" I will correct you immediately, sir. I like a cup of tea when it's cold, sure. But I like an eye of glass when I'm hot.

This is my Telescope, Tendy. I call it that because back when I was a little foal, I meant to say "Extendy." because of how it; Telescopes or extends, and yes I have acknowledged the allegory for the extending nature of a penis, but I have lady parts, and thus do not extend.

Nevertheless. "Tendy." ending up sticking and here I am peeping on a night like any other night. I mean, who are you to deny me my special talent? My cutie mark is of a sunny smiley face being caught in the shower with a spyglass across it's equally cutesy cartoon tits. You tell me what I'm supposed to do when you got a cutie mark like that.

I like what I do, I adore my special talent, it's like a great big hug for me. One around my clit. One around my waist, and another giving my pony ass the heimlich.

What I'm trying to say is I don't get any recognition. Who is going to be the type of pony to say "Oh, there goes the town pervert, contributing to society!?" Well, lots of ponies, but very sarcastically. Listen, I have very good taste. Some people are good judges in like art and stuff, but I know every which way around town and down and up alley, when it comes to being a letch, sooooo...Do with that what you will.

I'm not used to company.

I am eating soup because it is Thursday. The time is 0800 hours. The location. Sunny Meadows Soup Kitchen, it is late in the hour. Thursday is the day that Fluttershy volunteers at the soup kitchen, which necessitates the dressing like a homeless pony, and not showering for a few weeks.

But it is worth it.

Soup kitchen peeping wouldn't be of consequence besides the fact that this particular kitchen's uniforms were designed by Rarity and I don't know if you know how pony peeping works, but usually, cause we're naked so often, sometimes seeing ponies with more clothes on, is how we get our harmonious falalas and gigglingest good jollies.

Thank you Rarity, because of your poor understanding of what a soup kitchen was (Element of generosity? Really?) and your distaste for frumpy uniforms, I get to see Fluttershy in what is darn near, a bordering-on-lingerie-maid's outfit. Fuckin kill me. Right now, you do it. Here's the knife. Plunge into my chest with fury and don't stop till my pulse has ceased. Murder me with that knife right the fuck now. Because seeing Fluttershy, the uh SHYEST person I know, just go prancing around borderline lewd undergarments, is killing me a whole lot slower than you could with that knife my friend.

Oh, and by the way hand me that knife I gave you, I'm not supposed to have it in here.

I sip my soup. I wipe my mouth and get out Ol'Tendy. (I sometimes add the 'Ol'' when I'm feeling rambunctious.)

"Dear Celestia's sweet-ass haunches, plot and ass crack right on my face, what am I seeing right now?" Peeks of gentle and soft yellow curves, teasing me with flashes of Fluttershy's sweet little butterfly. The yellow of her coat beset with alluring contrast to the black and white lace of the uniform, the black promoting naughtiness and the white making her ass look that much more marshmallow-y...as she turns and spills some soup.

This is the real charity. The soup makes her garments cling.

If my pussy were porridge it would be just right.

My favorite things about peeping on Fluttershy:

It's like watching a friggin vaudeville act from the 1940s, her pratfalls are especially revealing.

She doesn't masturbate often...but when she does...The demureness of it all makes me feel dirty, and not much does anymore.

She really does act like that all the time.

Okay, now we come to Rarity.

AGH!

Alright moving on, there is no better way to enjoy a sunny afternoon, than to watch Apple family do chores.

I like how she moves, it's like her face is so wrinkly that her face has eight vaginas.

Just kidding, I've never clopped to Granny Smith...yet. We'll see how the year goes.

Holy Luna's swiss cheese moon holes! Applejack, my toned southern goddess. Flex and make me question whether or not you the best in Equest!

As tasty as Applejack's sweat is, (Don't ask me how) The reason I make the trek out to apple acres, especially during the Summer, is Big friggin Macintosh.
Oh look, his muscles! Fie, how they ripple! Betwixt the rapture of pleasure, was mine pussy! Just grab those fuckin' iron wires, plug them into that early pony battery, clip the other ends to my raw midsection, and go medieval on me until I am a toasty dead, because the way Big Mac's cock swings when he finishes a particularly grueling session of Apple-Buckin (The second sexiest thing in the universe) is just shocking and frankly I should be fried for what perverted thoughts enter my innocent pony mind. I am but a mare, and the laws of indecency need not apply when sed laws haven't been written yet in ponykind.

I am freedom.

-In the glinting reflection of Tendy's glass pane; A valiant swing from Big Mac's pony dangler.-

I am lasciouvousness.

-SWING-

I am touching myself.

-BALLS OF NOTRE DAME-

And I am currently enjoying a daisy sandwich that I kept from lunch. Would you care for a sliver of lemon cake?

We all love Twilight.

Go on. Admit it. She is as marryable as the dong is long. Who hasn't fantasized about a cozy night with Twilight Sparkle? Look I'm not saying this is universal, some freak out there might actually call himself normal while (Like someone who's a prude) -not touch the poniest of their parts furiously and most demandingly due to the severe amount of liquid that Twilight causes the common pony pussy to accumulate, without even so much as an annoyed glance at a grammar erroryouknowwhat-

Forget it, marefriend. This goes beyond Equestria, there's got to be some weird species out there in some alternate dimension that clop to this broad. Just think about it, I mean rumors are, that a completely unknown species are seen wandering the halls in the castle at night. I'm just saying. A mare with an eavesdropping charm hears things.

Oh look, she's refilling her inkwell! Watch this!

Have you ever experienced the PonyTuber Yarko B when he doesn't know that the camera is on? That is what it's like to spy on Rainbow Dash.

She flexes in the mirror. She masturbates in the mirror. She practices her speeches in the mirror.

If it wasn't so arousing, it would almost be too embarassing for ME to watch at times. But the long-term reward, is soo worth the cringe. Ass and cracks, on where Celestia split my sac, now slit and slap slap slap. Just demolish me, make sure I am no longer breathing and that I will never see the light of day. Actually suffocate me, go on, choke the living shit out of my thick pony neck because when Rainbow actually has a mare over, she completely changes, and it is the MOST adorable thing you have ever seen. I have gone whole-hoof on this, mah friends. I was there, and it was beautiful.

The incident in question were recorded in video for posterity's sake. I was crouching in a hot air balloon, disguised to look like a cloud, camera poised for the occasion;

"Uh..Can I get you anything to drink? I mean do you, drink?"

"I drink, a lemonade would be nice." Who tf is that thot???? NOTE: Find out who the bitch in the caramel coat was, her mane is outrageous from this angle. I gotta find who her stylist is.

"Right, uh lemonade, because you drink right ...water right?"

"Rainbow, are you going to get me that lemonade?"

"Oh yeah, I was just going to get you that lemonade."

"(Giggle)"

Holy. Fuckin. Shit.

Somebody call the police, just call them, say I am a dangerous criminal and get them to pound my ass with a nightstick until I bleed from my anus because, I caught that on camera my pony friends. Rainbow Dash - blush/Blunderdash, tape Vol 2. These are so frickin rare, I get nostalgic when I watch these because I discontinued production when I was a young mare, but they provide me the entertainment to cuddle up with a good herbal tea. Peppermint. My favorite.

Just throw the tea bags on the floor if you don't want them in your cup. I'll pick them up later. OOooohh pass the popcorn! This is the part where Rainbow Dash tries applying make-up before going out, but decides against it. Dear Lord, what a gem!

My tastes extend past Ponyville.

I pack my cute little pony bags like everypony else, save for a few things. The essentials; toiletries, a few outfits so I don't have to be naked for the duration of my trip, a cute bow, a few quills for when I want to write poetry and the spyglass named Tendy.

I've peeped on the greats. Shining Armor, a classic. Discord, surprisingly tame. Not many know this, but King Sombra swang low sweet-chariot all the way home before he turned evil.
Celestia, I have kept a lock of your hair for as long as I have been alive. It never stops waving. So, of course it went into my pussy a couple of times, but if you use shampoo and conditioner, it'll be as good as new. I've even thrown that baby in the wash and dryer with some choice fabric softener a couple of times, completely fine.

I could have brutally murdered every single pony that Luna did during her reign as Nightmare Moon, along with myself, by myself, with my bare hooves, because the amount of adorable moments of Luna's isolation on the moon, is like a really good show spanning thirty-seven glorious seasons. Unfortunately, I didn't see seasons 1-10, but I had a feeling she needed that time to hit her stride and really get into comedy.

How was I listening to Luna on the moon? Look, it wasn't easy to sneak into the Starswirl The Bearded Wing, it was a...fuckin...cakewalk. I was peeping on Twilight one day (Because SHE WAS DRESSED AS A NINJA, SNEAKING AROUND HER STOMPING GROUNDS fuck that's hot.) and she just...left the door unlocked to the most secret spells in Equestria.

Lo and behold, I found an ol' spell uncreatively called Hear As Far As You See.. and on a clear day? You can see forever, baby. Luna REALLY took the cake comedically. When she got back, she trolled ponykind by pretending to be downright (You'll excuse the expression) retarded. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen.

A thousand year-old princess, with a dark past of plunging the world into a permanent night, said. "The fun has been doubled."

Murder me. I don't care how you do it. Try sandpaper and lemons, really get in there and cause me great pain before I die a meaningless death because an immortal god with a sense of humor was a big, if not the biggest, flood-bringer to this pony-noah's, cuddly canoe.

You don't meet a lot of ponies like me. But what a lot of ponies don't realize is that when the lights go out most resemble me. I know. Because I was there. I do it because I was born to do it.

Don't ask unless you wanna know and don't scream at the glint of Ol' Tendy from the bushes. I am but, a mild-mannered pervert, seeking her jollies amidst the ignorance and bliss of pony folk. I am what you fear and yet I fear you have me mistaken.

Now, carefully hand me that donut, I don't want to fall.