Chapters Teams, ponies and other madness
If things can go wrong...
"It vas a eerie atmosphere in ze lab of the greatest doctor, who vas masterfully preparing his equipment for ze dangerous mission that lied ahead." *crash * "Ah DUMMKOPFS can't you see I'm trying to vork?" The Medic turned his attention towards the Scout, who was screwing around in his lab as he searched for the last part to complete his gun. "Ah zhere it is." His new gun would be called Ze Quick Fix. "Now Schwachkopf, why are you interrupting my work?"
"Medic!" The Scout cried, he was jumping on one leg, the other is in his hands. "The RED Demo led me in a trap! “Heeelp!" He continued to jump up and down while bleeding and holding his torn (or in this case blasten) off leg.
The Medic facepalmed. "You vere fooled by a one eyed drunken Scot? Yes, you are a proud addition to our team, now stand still Schwachkopf." He powered his Quick Fix (which will be referred to as medigun) and sent ze healing beam towards the Scout's body. "Vat would you dummkopfs do without me?" He sighed.
The Heavy, who was cleaning his 'baby', finished. He got up, and took a bite of his sandvich. He quickly grew bored he walked over to a red punching bag and proceeded to train a little bit.
"I've seen worse, mate!" The Sniper said, pinching his trademark sunglasses. "Back in the Australian outback some man can do this ..." He pointed to Scout’s quickly healing leg, "...to themselves." He then climbed up on a big pile of boxes and sat down, and drew his Sydney Sleeper to adjust the scope. (The rifle was in the holster on his back, under his trusty Razorback)
The Medic finished healing the Scout and said. "Now, we should prepare, it iz time once more to retrieve an intelligence case from zhose filthy REDs." He grabbed the Overdose, his Über saw, and his coat. "Now, do any of you require assistance? If not zhen I say we prepare."
The Heavy glanced at the rest of the team. He didn't know about them but he was seriously wanting to use his dear Natascha to shove a bullet up those puny RED's asses.
The Sniper took his always smoking pipe in his left hand, and set it on the edge of the box he sat on.
"Let's have a go at it!" He shouted, and with one fluid motion he jumped off of the boxes, landing before them, his rifle in his right hand. The Tribalman's shiv he wore attached on his left leg, made a clinging noise when he landed. Lifting the rifle up, pointing to the ceiling, he put back the pipe in his mouth and a determined expression appeared on his face.
"Vell, Scout do go and get ze rest of the team, Heavy, come vith me. Sniper you know vat to do, get in a good position und take out any dummkopfs in your line of sight, especially zat annoying Red doctor, me und Heavy vill make sure they von't get far, either Scout or Spy can secure ze inteligence." He gave the orders, while Soldier thought himself the leader, everyone knew better than to question Herr Doctor, that and the last time Scout did so, Medic sewed his arms where his feet were and his feet where his arms were.
The Heavy looked at the Medic and grinned. "We will CRUSH tiny baby team!"
‘To get in position earlier, the more kills you get’ - the Sniper knew this too well. He rushed through the small corridor to the snipers' nest and readied his rifle. When the metal door opened up before him, he raised his rifle in eye-level, looking in the scope, checking it for the last time. Then he went through the door and got in position, crouching next to the wall. A few moments later he saw his first target, the unlucky RED Engineer, who was running through the 'terrace' on the other side of the battlements.
He aimed for a second then pulled the trigger. The compressed airblast launched the syringe out his rifle and hit the Engineer on his neck. The lethal dose of Jarate made him fall while he made a last cry.
"Back to the drawing board, genius!" Sniper whispered and smirked.
The doctor was retelling his glorious story. "And that's how I got banned from ze institution." He put on a quizzical face while he overhealed the Heavy. "Und strangely enough those who had contact vith me disappeared. Does not matter." His Ubercharge was at 80%. "I am almost charged. Heavy are you ready to go practice medicine?" He asked with a wicked grin as they got to the entrance, in front of them were the downstairs sewer area to their left the entrances to their base. "Now vait here Heavy, und slaughter those who try und get passed you. Zhen we charge, should give Spy or Scout enough time to retrieve ze intelligence." He instructed as he got behind a wall, the healing wave still connected to Heavy.
"Tiny men are going to die!" Heavy said to the medic, wearing the same grin, and getting ready for any incoming dead men.
Continuing his job, Sniper checked the other side, looking for any enemy who dare (or stupid enough) to run in his sight. Seeing no one, he changed position, to the other side of the snipers' nest. He knew, he had to hide immediately as there was the enemy Sniper, who was a sneaky bastard, who once, shot his hat off of his head (to prevent that, he wore a green bandana from that day). His instinct was correct, right when he got in cover, a red colored trace of a shot from a Machina hit the wall behind him.
"Oh, now that's gonna be a real piece of piss!" He said and checking the trace, he searched for the other Sniper. The luck was on his side, he saw him and shot him square on the forehead.
"There ya go!" He shouted and waved to the late RED Sniper.
Meanwhile, Engie built his level 3 turret in the most compromising position so any RED scum would get butchered, behind his dispenser with his Jag ready to whack any RED Spy’s that came along. A thought popped into Engineers head: why the hell is their intelligence not in a safe or at least under the frigging table. But he just waited there thinking of the magnificent Golden Wrench (which was secretly made of Jarate).
The Demo was followed out the RED base by both the RED Scout and RED Pyro. RED Scout said: "Depth perception pal, look into it." The Demoman flipped him off when he reached the sewer entrance to his base.
As RED Scout stepped into the entrance he shouted: "Oh no, you're not getting away you one-eyed freak." But when the Scout stepped in, he was greeted by a carpet of stickies. *beep...BOOM* Demoman smiled as he took another gulp of Scrumpy.
"Couldn't you see the bloody bombs?" He broke the bottle and stumbled back into base. "I'M DRUNK YOU DONT HAVE AN EXCUSE!"
The Pyro positioned himself somewhere near the RED spawn, where he was sure the Spy would pass by. He was ready to fire at a moment's notice. Meanwhile, the Soldier was randomly running around, sometimes when he found another BLU he would yell something along the lines of 'Maggots!' or 'Is that what you call a postion?!?' .
Meanwhile, up on the surface, in the snipers' nest to be exact, Sniper just shot down his third victim of the day. The RED Scout's face was priceless when he saw Sniper aiming at him.
"There was you, very full of yourself. Then, very briefly surprised. Then, dead." Sniper said to himself in a whisper, as he watched the RED Scout's body fall in the water from the top of the bridge.
The Demo stumbled upon the RED Engie building a turret in the BLU base.
"Ayeahhsayeaaehy ae*BUUUUUUUURRRRPPP* That's a right pretty bra washer you got there you big ugly girl." He fired his grenade launcher blowing the turret up and giving chase to the Engie as he planted his machines. "Don't hide behind your toys, lass." As he turned a corner he got a face full of wrench and as the Engie prepared to show him the Southern Hospitality, he found himself facing an intimate contact with the Demo's sword. "You come wide at me again boy and I'll shove that wrench right up your arse."
The Heavy was getting bored of waiting. The Pyro was getting bored of staying still. The Spy was wandering around, searching for someone to destroy. He saw the body of the RED Scout and had to suppress a laugh.
"Here lies scout. He ran fast and died a virgin!" He said and laughed.
All along, the Scout had a better plan. Using his superior speed he quickly snuck behind the lines, using the most obvious way: the front entrance. He was running to the direction of the stairs, but heard a familiar beeping sound.
"Oh, crap." He said. Stopping at the doorway, he peeked at the stairs and found a level three sentry. Thinking out a new plan he grabbed his backpack and rummaged through it, getting a Bonk! Atomic Punch, in his hand. Quickly drinking it he felt unstoppable and made a run for it.
Of course the sentry sensed him and started to shoot bullets and rockets either but he dodged every one of them, moving like a ninja.
"Hey overalls! You suck!" He shouted to the Engie who was just standing there, mouth agape, watching the Scout disappearing, as he run downstairs to the intel room.
"Heavy be ready to charge, when our team returns with ze intelligence." Medic was fully charged. Meanwhile the RED Heavy, Medic, Soldier and Pyro were ready to attack the BLU base. Time was running out as the day neared its end, the Sun slowly going down the horizon.
"Tiny men will be crushed." Heavy said as he prepared his Natascha.
"WHERE ARE THESE MAGGOTS?!?!" Soldier shouted to himself as he kept running through the map with his shovel.
Sniper upstairs could answer Soldier's question.
While his teammates were searching for the enemy team or was getting the intel, he had to force back the respawning REDs. He already killed the RED Scout three times, the Medic-Heavy combo once and now the rocket-jumping Soldier gave him headaches.
"Hold still, wanker!" He shouted and pulled the trigger, sending the lethal dose of Jarate in the syringe right in Soldier's heart.
"Aieaeeaaaahhh!!!" The RED Soldier cried up and collapsed.
"Take that, ya rocket-hopping simpleton!" Sniper shouted and quickly ran back in the spawn room for ammo, he was almost out of it.
When he returned and scanned the area for enemies, he could swear he heard footsteps, but he saw nothing.
"Grrraaah.." He whispered and looked in the scope again, stepping sideways, checking the other side of the enemy snipers' nest.
And then, with a loud cracking and sizzling sound, his Razorback broke.
Very quickly, he grabbed his Tribalman's shiv and swung it behind him as he turned: he hit the shocked (in both ways) RED Spy. The Spy cried out in pain, his blood practically shooting from his chest.
Sniper swung his shiv again, and cut the Spy's head off.
"Spies, bloody useless!" He mumbled with a bit of joy in his voice, then went back in the spawn-room to get a new Razorback.
"Zhere he is, the Scout, charge Heavy, dummkophest is starting." The Medic smirked he readied his übercharge and was ready to give Heavy invincibility. Meanwhile the whole RED team had respawned and they were angry, the BLU Scout was halfway down the bridge with the intelligence, Heavy and Medic charged down the bridge until they got in range. "OKTOBERFEST!"
The Heavy readied his minigun and shouted to the doctor. "CHARGE ME!" As he pointed his minigun at a certain RED Scout's face.
The Pyro, who was nowhere to be found for a while, has just arrived right in his best friend's back: The RED Sniper.
"Heeeey, I'll give you rainbows, are you happy?" He said under his mask. It came out as: "Mhmhhmm, Mhm mhhm mhm mhhmhmhm, mhm mhm mh-hmm?"
The RED Sniper turned around just to get burned in a ~1000°C flame. He screamed for a few seconds, until his throat melted.
"Ooohh, he likes it!" The Pyro said and raised his Rainblower above his head, laughing in joy, the RED Sniper in his point of view was rolling on the floor, laughing.
What really happened:
"Mmmmhh, mh mhmm hm! Mh-hm-hm-hm-hm-hm-hmmhmmmm!" The Pyro 'said' while shaking his flamethrower above his head as he looked down at the burning corpse of the former Sniper. He then turned around and went in the inner base area, to search for the Engie.
"Now go!" The Medic activated the übercharge, the RED Medic was nowhere near maximum charge, him and Heavy became invincible as they mowed down tiny baby men as Heavy would put it. Giving the annoying Scout time to return with it. The only ones missing from the group was the RED Sniper and RED Spy.
Meanwhile the RED Soldier had finally found a target. It was a sole BLU Pyro. He shouted, "MAGGOT!" and then proceeded to blast the Pyro's face off.
Sniper could swear he heard a blasting sound somewhere, but he haven't seen the blast itself or anything so he just continued to camp in the snipers’ nest.
"Bloody hell, I should've gone to the toilet before..." he said and felt the urge to go. But he cannot leave his post.
"Bloody pikers have to wait, I have more important things to do." He went behind the metal planks and put his rifle on the side of it, standing a meter away from the other corner. He unzipped his trousers..
"Oh, this is gonna be a real piece of piss!" And he started to urinate in the corner... or on something else that was there.
"Eeeeeeewww!" The now visible RED Spy said, as his cloak broke. "I HATE you!"
"You again? How’s about calling it a day, mate?" Sniper asked as he grabbed his shiv and cut the Spy's head off.
"Spies... bloody useless." He whispered and continued to piss on the now headless Spy.
{VICTORY} The weird female voice announced just as the Heavy finished mowing the rest of the REDs. The Blue Medic counted.
"Eins, zwei, oh I do not think we brought enough body bags, hmmm vat is this?" The medic picked up the dead RED Spy's dead ringer when the Sniper threw his body down the ledge, it smelled... bad. Getting away from the stinking corpse he said. "Good job mein frauilein. Ze engineer could reprogram it." He entered and saw the Spy. "A present colleague, de Engineer vill need to look at it though." He handed him his enemy's Dead Ringer.
While the Medic had his little talk with the Spy, the Heavy was busy reloading and cleaning his gun.
The Pyro respawned, just in time to hear the Announcer saying 'victory'.
"Oooh, but I wanted to give them candy!" He said and raised the Lollychop in his right hand. "Oh well."
For an outsider it looked like this:
"Mhhhm, mhm mh mmhmhm mh mhm mhmhm mhmh!" The Pyro raised a blood stained fire-axe in the air, laughing manically. "Mhm-mhm."
Then, he headed to the bridge, waiting for his teammates while singing a lovely tune (funeral song).
On his way there, he met the Sniper, who was busy reigniting his pipe.
"Do you have a light?" The Sniper asked.
The Pyro raised his flamethrower; the ignition-light was more than enough to ignite the pipe's contents.
"Thanks, mate!" And with that, the Sniper sat down, on the edge of the snipers' nest, smiling and enjoying the late afternoon sunshine.
"Good vork everyone, if anyone needs me, I vill be in ze lab." A letter fell out of nowhere at his feet."Oh?" He read it."Hmm, everyone, our next mission is at the Mann Manor, get vatever you need and prepare. Spy, make sure you hand that to Engie. Heavy make sure you clean Natascha, Sniper fix your equipment, Demoman make sure you get enough Scrumpy, Scout stay out of Demomans Scrumpy, Soldier give the word."
The soldier saluted." ALRIGHT MAGGOTS YOU HEARD THE DOCTOR GET YOUR ASSES IN GEAR AND BE READY, WE LEAVE AT FIRST LIGHT."
The Heavy was already cleaning Natascha, The Spy was handing the RED Spy's Deadringer to the Engie, but he was somehow disguised as himself. He liked to be disguised.
The Sniper, after hearing the command, took his rifle and cleaned it, checking the air-compression system. When he was done, he cleaned his shiv and sharpened it, he liked when he can cut the paper with it only in one touch. He holstered both weapons in their respective places afterwords.
After everything he did, he took off the Razorback, switching out the old battery for a new one. After it was done, he put it back it in his cabinet.
He then went to his comfy armchair, sitting down and fetching the book he read yesterday, while sipping smoke from his pipe.
The Scout, who took off his bag, walked in front of him.
"Hey what's that book about? Camping? Hehehe!" He taunted Sniper.
"What is it about?..." He took a deep breath, then started to speak. "Here's a touchin' story. Once upon a time you died, and I lived happily ever after. The end." He drew his Sydney Sleeper, aiming it at the Scout's head.
"Okay-okay-okay, I'm outta here.." The Scout said and retreated, he was in no mood for getting Jarate on him.
The Sniper, when the Scout was out of earshot, laughed quietly and, after holstering his rifle, he returned to read the book.
"Piker..."
Later...
The Scout thrashed in his bed. "No, no, Ma, what are you doing?" The Scout had a nightmare about his mom doing the RED Spy. "No no no." He started sucking on his finger. "Hehehe *low echoing laugh in his head* Prepare for your examination." He saw the Dream Medic as he felt himself carved and stood in a mirror. "Aaaaaaah" The Scout had his normal head...on a dog. "You're so bloody tiny, you pint size mut."Dream Demo said, before vomiting on the dog-scout. That woke him up screaming. He got a smack upside the head from Heavy.
"Shhhh, Natascha is sleeping." Scout just made a poker-face and got back to sleep.
/Meanwhile in place so wonderful, Disneyland are still beating their employes over with rusted pipes for not thinking it up./
The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and 2 alicorn sisters were bored as hell. The boring idiot in the court room was sooo dull in his speech it was physically draining. It didn't help Luna especially, she didn't get a chance to relieve herself even after she came back, mostly because this generation of ponies were a bunch blood-sucking parasites that didn't care for anything else other than bits and status. Same could be said for Celestia. When the court finished, they each let out a bored sigh. They were bored, and the duties they had didn't help...
Pinkie was bouncing around Sugarcube Corner, randomly appearing in places and disappearing in walls like her random Pinkie abilities let her do, somehow doing this while preparing cupcakes.
"All you have to do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix..." She was singing the Cupcakes song, but then she suddenly stopped, tripped over her own hooves, crashed into the wall and got up, without being hurt somehow. She was shaking. "Doozy! Gotta warn the girls! Because my Pinkie sense is never wrong! At least my tail isn't twitching because if it was twitching then something was gonna fall but it isn't then nothing is gonna fall and oh my gosh what if it is a super cupcake doozy, my cupcakes are gonna turn into rainbow manticores that fly like butterflies and bite like alligators and..." She stopped talking as she got her Pinkie Sense again. "Gotta warn the girls gotta warn the girls!" She said to herself, as she somehow finished the cupcakes in 10 SECONDS and ate them, then bolted out of the door with unnatural speed towards the house of Twilight.
Twilight, who was busy reading a book about transmorphing magic, suddenly felt an ENERMOUS wave in the steady magical sphere of Equestria. She looked up from the book, like if she can see the reason of the wave.
"This can't be natural. I must find the source!" She was excited but determined, as her element AND cutie mark was magic, she felt it important to know everything about it and do her best on studying it. Gigantic anomalies were the same, she had to study it. She got up from her sitting position, quickly levitated few essential equipments in a saddlebag and put it on. Then she opened her magical senses and using it as a compass, started her journey to the wave's source.
Fluttershy was busy feeding the animals, like always, her gentle nature assured safety and nurture to all the animals around. Angel was being a complete shitbag and fucked around the cottage with any and all. But fate is a cruel mistress and sometimes she fucks you over really bad. Angel tried to steal a deer's food, said deer did not take kindly to that and Angel got a face full of hoof, flew through the open window, and into the hollow of a squirrel. A very angry squirrel gave him a haymaker in the left eye, sending him barrel rolling on the ground into some dog shit. Said shit was accompanied by more shit from flying birds. Angel was having a shitty day, but it did not end there folks, oh no, after getting up he got hit by a ball and was sent flying into a tree and he was out, a stray dog found it necessary to take a piss on him and move on.
Meanwhile with Rainbow Dash...
She just helped saving a child from mortal peril that no pony else was brave enough to act. But that only happened in her mind, what she was actually doing was bragging for the hundredth time to some pony that elicited a reoccurring reaction: said pony wishing some pony would clip her wings and shut her up. At this point she was hated by almost the entire town. She was a bigger biii---ehe they did not use that word, she was a bigger cunt than Trixie. But in her apparently very sick mind, every pony was cheering for her awesomeness. (Herr Doctor will have to fix her with some shock therapy.)
Pinkie was running in superhuma-...superpony speed and ALMOST bashed Twilight's face. She stopped half an inch from her face, almost startling her to death.
"TWILIGHT!" She shouted as she had the Doozy Pinkie Sense again. "MY PINKIE SENSE IS TINGLING! DOOZY!" She kept shouting at Twilight with the most worried face in the world.
"Pinkie, calm down!" Twilight said when she recovered from the initial shock. "What's wrong again?" Though deep inside she still couldn't believe in Pinkie's 'sense', she accepted it as a true and real thing, and learned to live with it.
Somewhere in that universe a bunny was feeling the wrath of Karma, he was battered, bruised, hit, thrashed, bashed, cut, pissed on, stomped on, got hit by blunt objects, got burned, electrocuted, scrapped and bruised, not particularly in that order.
Meanwhile Rainbow majestically and expertly landed through Twilights window, it was flawless... in her head. What actually happened: She went at high speeds, lost control and crashed through the window bits of glass getting stuck in her flank. She hit the floor, bounced, hit the ceiling, fell on the floor and bounced into a shelf that fell on her.
"Oh my gosh Twilight it's a doozy something is going to happen we need to take cover what if it is Godzilla [HOW THE HELL DOES SHE EVEN KNOW] or if it is a giant gorilla or a rare seven headed hydra or a cupcake monster or a manticore with kitty cat face or..." She stopped with the Pinkie Sense again.
"Pinkie, calm down and tell me when did you sensed it first." Twilight said in an almost dead serious tone, watching Pinkie doing weird moves. To prevent her doing these and let her talk, she enveloped Pinkie in a magical aura.
Rainbow Dash... oh use your imagination, it's too long to write whats going on in her afflicted brain. She got out of the rubble and saw Pinkie and Twilight talking, obviously about how awesome she was and who to be her biggest fan. (Wanna kill her yet?). She shuffled over and said.
"No need to fear the most awesome pegasus in history is here."
After at least 20 second of struggling, Pinkie finally calmed down. "Twilight, it's my Pinkie Sense! There's a d-" She got the Doozy combination again. "-oozy! I HAVE NO IDEA where it is this time!!! "Pinkie said in her diabetes-inducing voice.
"Good day to you, too, Rainbow Dash." Twilight looked at the multicolored invader. "This time if you don't pay me the price of the new window, I'll call princess Celestia herself. And Pinkie..." She sighed and looked back at her. "I sensed it too. A gigantic wave in the natural magical sphere of the planet. I think it might be generated by something very powerful, it cannot occur naturally."
Somehow the only words Rainbow heard were : Awesome, are, and you. So she waved it off. "Yeah yeah I know." But seeing as some part of her brain was still (surprisingly) active she caught on." And don't worry your silly little head Twilight I will beat the flank of any danger that comes around. I always train after all (by sleeping on clouds?). And if they are smart they would probably start worshipping me." She puffed her chest and any creature in the nearby vicinity would probably feel a urge to maim.
Pinkie (somehow) calmed down and looked at Rainbow Dash. "Oh hi, Rainbow! Blah blah blah bl-" She proceeded to repeat EVERYTHING she had said before.
Twilight, while her two 'friends' talked to each other, released Pinkie from the magical grip and closed her eyes, concentrating to find the source, again. She had no luck; Pinkie's high pitched voice was getting on her nerves pretty fast. She decided to silently leave the library, making a quick note to Spike on her way out. When she was finally outside, she took a big breath and sighed in relief. After all, it was a nice sunny day, what could go wrong?
She had no idea...
Teams, ponies and other madness
Meanwhile...
Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack decided to (coincidentally) go into town at the same time, and coincidentally, the point where they would all meet was Twilight's library.
In another universe...
Travelling to the Mann Manor were 8 men and a something, ready to fulfill another mission for their employer.
Back with our pony heroes...
Pinkie then preceded to somehow teleport behind the manes of each one of them, occasionally pop up from under them or fall from the sky, while telling them what she told to Twilight all over again. ALL. OVER. AGAIN.
As this was the umpteenth time Pinkie did this, Twilight already learned how to ignore her, though she was happy to not explain the things. When Pinkie finished her monologue, Twilight spoke up, getting all of her friend's attention.
"We have a mission girls! We have to search the source of this anomaly, find out what caused it, and if it's dangerous, then defeat it with the Elements of Harmony." She took a valiant pose, her mane flowing in the breeze. "I will inform princess Celestia now, though I'm sure she knows it already." She then levitated a scroll and a quill out of her saddlebag and started to write quickly.
In the Canterlot Castle...
Celestia was sprawled out on her bed staring a hole in the ceiling from sheer boredom; her sister was adorably snoozing in her chambers, dreaming about roosters. Then, like Twilight, she sensed the magical wave. Knowing her student well enough, she started to wait for the letter what will arrive soon...
Back with the mane 6...
The five mares nodded and waited for their friend.
"So what are we waiting for girls?" Pinkie pulled a cupcake out of her mane and ate it in half a bite (Somehow).
"I need to send this letter right now, SPIIIKE!" Twilight shouted, summoning her number one sla- I mean assistant.
"Yes Twilight?" The baby (?) dragon runs to her, panting.
"Send this letter, it's very important." She gave Spike the letter and he engulfed it with his green flaming breath, burning the paper into a magical, flying cloud of green dust.
"Alright girls, we can go now!" Twilight said and took the lead. "Spike, you can come with us if you want." She said then continued her semi-trot.
Zecora went to Ponyville for her monthly resupply, coincidentally Big Mac also went into town in search for a new face, his current one had just one or two more emotions than Kristen Stuart. So he went into town to see if anything could change his expression so he wouldn't look like a constipated 700 year old sparkly virgin vampire. At the same time Zecora and him met up with the mane 6 +1 dragon and decided to join.
Pinkie was bouncing so high that all of Ponyville could see her, because the “Doozy” Pinkie Sense helped her get even more air then usual.
"Thisss maaaakkkeeess mmmyyyy vvvoooiccceee sssooouunnndd ssiillyyyyy!!" She said as she used her Doozy sensation along with rapid bouncing.
"Applejack, please be kind and lasso her before she breaks something." Twilight said in a bored tone, she was excited about this whole wave thing, but she had a long week of studying and reading behind her, with almost no sleeping.
"Can do Twilight." Exclaimed AJ as she expertly lassoed the overexcited mare, that was kinda getting on everypony's nerves. The rest of the group mostly stayed silent, mostly.
Pinkie was still bouncing really low, but she was contained and she was humming a happy tune.
In the universe of our favorite team...
"Gentlemen we have arrived, I vill go retreive our instructions, become familiar vith your surroundings, ve vill be here for a while." The Medic said as he stepped inside the, (ridiculously) big mansion.
"Don't mind Doc, if I have a look 'round myself!" Sniper said and made a small jump, knocking his heels together, the Teufort Tooth Kickers on his feet made a nice clinking sound when he landed. Then he started up a jog, checking for good sniping positions, thinking about the loads of dead bodies he will make when he found one. Eventually, he found an old but comfy chair so he thought he'll just read his book for a while before doing anything else.
The Heavy was checking the bullets of his Natascha, and that was all that he was doing besides holding his minigun and cleaning any speck of dust on it. After hearing the Medic's instructions, he went to the kitchen to make a moist and delicious sandvich, while cradling his gun like a baby singing a Russian lullaby.
The Spy armed with his new Dead Ringer made a note to make sure pay the doctor back, mainly by stabbing any morons that got too close, then he was off taking mental notes of the best corner and hidden shadows he may use to ambush said morons.
Demoman went to get more Scrumpy, if he wasn't drunk he wasn't happy.
Engie explored a nearby balcony to see if it had use as a turret nest.
The Scout ran around like hamster on coke, he liked to parkour...and be as irritating as possible to anyone around.
The Pyro went outside the mansion burning anything that wouldn't be of value, he loved burning things!...
The Soldier barked his orders and went to the training ground and gave a course to some flour bags with helmets.
Meanwhile the BLU team get acquainted with the Mann Manor or get lost (Scout... just why?), things went different in another universe.
The mane six, now accompanied with Big Mac, Zecora and Spike, was on their way to the mysterious source of the magical wave. Though they didn't ask, Big Mac and Zecora were curious about their new mission and joined them. Pinkie still had her Sense go off in every 2 minutes though Applejack's rope held her firm. Rainbow was mindlessly flying around, Twilight was making field notes, Rarity was about to 'whine' about the 'long' way, Fluttershy was enjoying the nature, Big Mac was.... uh... like a walking statue, Zecora was secretly sipping something from a bottle, and Spike was busy napping on Twi's back.
To sum it up: they were on their way to the unknown.
They absolutely had no idea what would come.
The Sniper fell asleep while reading his book, and now his pipe was about to fall on his chest, but he woke up in the last moment and caught the pipe.
"You almost made me some fiery business, piker..." He put back the pipe in his mouth, then stood up and continued with his original plan, to find a place to snipe.
As Saxton Hale was currently sipping tea on a chair made from hippie skin and bones, along with his pet shark, Jaws, a great white that he caught with his bare hands. The medic walked in, exchanged pleasantries and was left alone by Hale as he grabbed his shark and flew through the window, his last words:
"Screw gravity!"
The medic looked at his new (although temporary) office and sighed. He got his instructions and sat down in the chair, he needed some time to make a plan. Sadistic ex-nazi’s had a knack for making efficient plans.
In the RED, not so secret-base a team of engineers were... hitting stuff with wrenches? WTF?
Dictator: "Is the new Australium ready?" She asked in an annoying old woman’s voice.
Engie: "Almost there ma'am it's at 98% a few more tweaks and BLU won't know what hit e--"
Scout: "Hehe, hey what does this button do?" He pressed a red button that had a giant label that spelled warning.
Engie & Dicatator: "No dang nabit nabit, nope. Oh no..." *BOOM*
In hindsight that opened a wormhole to Equestria, although the exit... was in the BLU occupied Mann Manor.
Engineer looked around in an old bedroom he found, it was filled to the brim with old and dust covered furniture, paintings and photos, however what caught his eyes were the little pumpkins labeled explosive.
'I've gotten myself an idea!' Engie thought as he took out his wrench and began to work.
He grabbed one of the larger pumpkins and began to carve it into the shape of a tripod, he then used two other ones to make two long cylinders and the largest one to make a body to connect them all.
He stood back and admired his work, an exact replica of his level two sentry, he began to laugh uncontrollably as he brought out a can of Mann Co's Blue and Black paint.
"That fancy french varmint won't know what hit him." The Engineer chuckled as images of the RED Spy combusting into flames or his limbs being blown apart when he tried to place his sapper on it came into his head, as he finished his latest technological masterpiece quietly.
The Medic finished reading the instructions, they were to secure the base and set up a perimeter, for what reason he was not told, apparently neither they knew. Through the intercom, he relayed the latest information to his team and made his way to his new lab. Unbeknownst to any of the BLU team, underground in the basement, inside a large (empty) storage room, a dark blue portal was forming. The RED team's accident has caused to open the portal right there.
The mane 6 + what could be called added weight, consisting of Big Mac (who was very, very small where it mattered), Zecora and probably the most useless dragon in the history of both worlds, Spike. They were trotting together on a quest to find the weird energetic anomaly. This happened to be a vortex-like worm hole that sucked in anything that got in proximity, working not unlike an Engineer’s teleporter. This was the entrance.
Twilight Sparkle sensed something again. As they got closer and closer to the anomaly, she felt a wind on her back, and heard a sucking sound. Also, she sensed the distortion of the magic force more powerfully. This made her nervous.
However, this was her smallest problem, Spike not just fall asleep on her back again but started to drool too, and Pinkie started to blabber. Again.
She was on the edge of asking Applejack to lasso Pinkie's mouth aswell.
And Rainbow Dash? They had to go back to her when she started to speak with a bush.
She let out a tired sigh.
"Alright everypony, we are near, get yourselves ready!" She said and took the lead (and kicked Spike off of her in the process).
Above everybody else, in the highest tower of the building, the Sniper just found the best shooting point of the whole Manor. He could see everything and yet, he can't be seen. Thinking it's time for another pipe, he left the spot and went down to get some tobacco. And because of the massiveness of the place, he couldn't find the place he left his things.
"Stupid bloody place, why didn't I bring my van?..." He asked from noone and continued the searching.
The luck was on his side, he found his stuff a few minutes later.
Wandering the halls, the Spy looked around for his disguise kit, which also contained his cigarettes.
"Where has zat blasted Scout put zem zis time?" He said aloud, opening the drawer to a desk that was covered in dust. "Zis place is filthy. I don't know why we need to secure it. It looks like nobody has been here in years." Continuing his muttering, he turned and walked back toward the central lobby area.
Rarity was about to start complaining about how long the walk was taking when she felt a tug on her mane. She looked up to see it bending slightly towards the left. Worried that her mane was going to be ruined, she tried to turn around, but only got a couple steps before the pull became stronger, stopping her dead in her tracks.
"What's going on?" she asked frantically.
"The anomaly is pulling us in." Twilight replied. "Just relax, otherwise it will pull harder."
"It's going to mess up my hair though!"
"HEAVY!" called out Engineer struggling to drag his pumpkin turret to a better suited location, he stopped to catch his breath by leaning against the stripped wall while wiping his forehead with his Texas Ten Gallon. "Geez, the one time I need the Russian sandvich madman and he's nowhere to be found." He grumbled as he continued to slowly push his *turret* to the closest door. He felt his body leave the ground, as he tripped over one of Scout's bonk cans as he fell down a shaft of stairs.
The Spy gratefully lit his cigarette, having finally found them behind a statue in the main lobby. Straightening his fedora, he thought about what to do next.
'Well, since it doesn't seem like I am not needed anywhere at ze moment, I think I'll take a well-deserved nap,' He thought, finding an empty bedroom before activating his Cloak and Dagger to ensure that he wouldn't be disturbed. Clearing the dust off the night stand, he carefully set down his fedora before getting on the bed and closing his eyes.
Rarity was in shock by the time the void came into view. The pull had ruined her mane, just as she thought it would. Twilight herself was speechless when she saw the black abyss looming before them. Thinking she had made the wrong decision in bringing them here, she tried to use magic to teleport to safety. Her horn glowed for a few heart beats, then sputtered out, leaving Twilight powerless as the void sucked them in.
Sniper, who was happily sipping his trusty pipe, was thinking about how those stupid REDs will die, the surprised look on their face when they get shot from nowhere, especially the other Sniper. That bloody bastard.
He started to walk through the halls of the manor, exploring it again. It was old, rusty, dusty, but calm and peaceful.
He even heard the Scout crying for help.
Yes, this place was good.
He then managed to go downstairs, to the basement and found a fake looking sentry, with a blacked-out Engie nearby.
"Back to the drawing board, genius..." He whispered and went even farther downstairs, hearing a weird humming noise.
Twilight never experienced anything like this. Her magic. FAILED!
She tried everything, and nothing happened!
She looked at everypony (and Spike).
"My friends... this might be the end. Be strong an-"
She couldn't end her sentence; the portal sucked her in, followed by the rest of the mane 6 (and company).
The Medic was working, his new laboratory although foreign, had everything he needed. For science he continued his research and for science he hacked and dissected things. The Heavy had been eating his expertly crafted sandvich and continued creating several marvels of culinary art.
Soon he was joined by Demoman, a good friend who appreciated the magic of sandvich, he got one from heavy and quickly scarfed it down. "Cheers mate." He said, although it was so good it felt lacking, Heavy even though he did not show it, was an expert chef and knew what was missing. From god knows where he pulled out a bottle of rare Russian Vodka and slid it over. The Demoman couldn't be happier.
The Spy awoke with a yawn, stretching his limbs to get rid of any stiffness. Placing his fedora back on his head, he wiped the sleep from his eyes and stepped into the corridor. Opening his disguise kit, he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it with a small lighter that he also kept on his person at all times. Walking through the dimly lit hall, he paused when he heard something like footsteps and heavy breathing. A moment later, a terrified Scout rounded the corner. The Scout broke into a relieved grin when he looked up and saw the Spy.
"Thank God I found you. I thought I was gonna be lost in this place forever!" He said.
"Did you even pay attention to where you were going?" Asked the Spy.
"Uh..." The Scout rubbed the back of his neck. The Spy pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
"Follow me, and next time, pay attention."
The void was completely black, and Twilight was beginning to think they would be trapped in it forever. Suddenly, a bright light cut through the darkness, and as they got closer it grew brighter, until it became nearly blinding. With a flash, they fell through the light, into something that Twilight would describe as a cellar.
"Where are we?" Applejack asked.
"I don't know." Twilight replied.
Teams, ponies and other madness
If you thought the bad luck is over...
The Medic seeing as everything was in order in his newly acquired lab checked the time, the sun was coming down. Since his work was done at the moment he decided to listen to his own advice and explore their new residence. Sticking to the mad doctor theme, the first place he decided to check was downstairs, so he descended in what looked like a rather deserted part of the Mann Mannor.
Sniper, after reaching the bottom of the stairs, gently kicked the Engie's side.
"Ya'll right mate?" He asked, wondering exactly how and why did the Engie rolled down on the stairs. What he noticed, was a sudden breeze and the noise what he heard before: it became stronger.
Twilight wondered what was this whole thing.
Being sucked in a portal, then arriving into a cell like room... very unlikely.
She checked on the others, they were fine. Mostly.
"This place... it must be underground..." She muttered and noticed a door what led out of the small room. "That will be the way out of here."
The Spy had just left the Scout in the main lobby, and was exploring the downstairs area when he heard a low hum. Waving it off as one of the Engineer's machines, he inspected a set of paintings he had found. Noticing one of them was crooked, he righted the mistake, only to hear a grinding noise as the blank wall next to the painting sank back and slid out of sight.
"A hidden passage?" He asked aloud. "I wonder where it leads." Pulling out the Dead Ringer that the Medic had given him, he stepped into the unlit hallway. Walking with his hand on the wall, his fingers brushed past a piece of wood. Feeling it, he found it was a torch, which he eagerly lit with his cigarette lighter. The flame blazed to life, and he found that he could see another torch further down the passage. After five more torches he came to a blank wall that slid open when he pulled a lever on the side of the passage. It opened to a small cellar what was completly empty. He noticed a spark of light that went out as soon as he entered, and heard a door close on the other side of the room. Moving quietly, he walked to the other end of the room, inspecting the strange prints that appeared in the dust covered floor.
"It seems zat we have unexpected guests." He muttered.
The Spy was not the only one on the same passage, the Medic was also exploring, a particularly uninteresting journey, he was expecting something to aid in his experiments, so far only boxed rooms and dust greeted him. Up untill a certain corridor where he felt the familiar scent of moss and moisture, it reminded him of his family's old castle. The beautiful memories and nostalgia flooded his veins. His very first dissection, his first patient, his very first abomination. All sweet memories, naturally he pursued the scent ending up in the very corridor Spy was around, it didn't take long to find the hidden passage.
"Oh zis is most interesting, perhaps I can retry one of my youth experiments." He smiled. "Oh Franken Chicken how I miss you." And stepped in the passage.
The Sniper, after got no response from the (luckily still breathing) Engie, thought that he will just go and see what was that breeze.
Breezes not happen underground. He quickly made a torch out of a syringe, a small cloth and some rifle cleaning oil and lit it with the matches for his pipe, then continued his way in the growing darkness of the corridors.
Going even further down, he found an old, library looking room. He checked the room, but there were only just the bookshelves, an old table with a chair and an oil lamp, and a painting on a wall of a hunter.
"Barnabas Hale. Saxton's gramps, eh?" He read the title and shook his head.
He then lit up the oil lamp and sat in the chair. Taking a deep breath of the damp air, he felt the breeze again, his hair also moved in the light wind.
"Is this?.." He looked at the picture and raised an eyebrow. He felt the breeze agian. "Oh you bagger!"
He got up, walked to the painting and took it off of the wall: a hidden passageway was behind it, only big enough to get through it crouching.
Pulling out his Black Rose butterfly knife, the Spy investigated the strange prints further. They appeared to be the prints of a horse, and there were quite a few prints.
'There are about six of them.' He thought to himself, wondering why horses would be in an old manor such as this. Activating his Cloak and Dagger, he opened the door and followed the prints, pausing on occasion to let it recharge. When he finally caught up with the owners of the prints, he froze on the spot and his jaw dropped, allowing his cigarette to fall out of his mouth, becoming visible again as it fell to the floor.
The Medic reached the lowest part and investigated a little, noticing the prints on the floor and recognizing them as the Spy's, he followed the trail and took a corner.
"Ah comrade I was not expe...er."
The medic froze for once in his life time, he had discovered something so scientifically shocking and impossible it just made him freeze. Asuming the slight unmoving blur to his left to be the Spy he was certain his actions were mimicked. Miniature horses, colorful, adorable miniature horses, along with what he asumed was Barney the dinosaur's retarded cousin sleeping on the cobblestone floor.
One pony in particular, a very adorable butter yellow ...pegasus? With pink mane apparently fainted at his sudden appearance. (If Big Mac was surprised he didn't show it, the probability of brain damage was highly possible seeing as he had only one face, that showed as much expression as toilet paper. Which also showed possible usefullness in the same way.) The zebra apparently had a cute rosy pink on her cheeks and smelled of something resembling alcohol.
Thoughts of science went through the Medic's head and it took him a lot of willpower not to start cackling like a maniac.
The passageway Sniper has found was getting too long, he was walking (or crouching?..) in it for more than 5 minutes, and even though he used to wait for hours on the same spot, he was bored of he dullness of this small hole.
Then, like if someone heard his thoughts, he saw a light not too away from him.
"I thought it'll never end..." He whispered and quickly closed the distance.
Reaching the source of the light, it appeared to be a gap between a wooden plank and the wall of the passageway he was in, though the way itself went on.
"I don't care what's in the end, I need to stretch my legs, this bloody hole is worse than listening the Scout.."
He started to push the wooden plank and it gave in: he fell through the now open space only to land right in front of his collegues. He stood up, dusting himslef down.
"G'day!" He said then noticed the shocked expression on the Medic's face, and by the motionlessness of the Spy, he thought he is shocked too.
"Did I scare ya'll, eh?" He asked, smirking.
The arrival of the Sniper managed to snap the Spy out from his stupor. He turned off his Cloak and Dagger, seeing as how the miniature horses had already spotted his colleagues.
"You may want to take a look behind you." He said, pointing for emphasis. Raising an eyebrow, the Sniper turned his head, his face paling as he spotted the source of the confusion.
"Vell zis is certainly unexpected. Small colourful horses." The Medic said as he traced a hand down his face, his smirk not leaving, he thought about all the possibilieties. It did help that he was a bit crazy so the aftershock left way to delight.
'Oh I can create so many things from those body parts, ohohoh are those wings ? And a horn?' He could squeal in delight, but choosed not to, instead opting to speak his mind.
"Hmm quite unusual mein froilein, do you think they are sentient?"
"Ugh, no more, I can't take anymore." Groaned Engie as he regained his consciousness and reached around to find his goggles. He finally managed to grab them after the edge of them poked his eye.
'Darn, these things are dangerous.' He thought as he looked around the dark room. He turned to face the stairs but froze as he saw the wreck of his trap turret. He sighed as he turned to see what he could find but stopped as he heard the sound of somebody falling down the stairs behind him. He jumped back as he felt something small land in his stetson. Slowly, he reached for the object and quickly snatched it, he rolled his eyes as he saw it was Heavy's sandvich. Few seconds later Heavy landed on the bottom step with an *ooff*.
"It's going to be a long way." grumbled the Engineer as he shove the sandvich into the dazed Heavy's mouth.
"Enginomnomnomothernom?" Asked the Heavy as he took a bite out of his sandvich.
"Nope, I ain't seen anybody, pardon yourself." Said the Texan as he walked the same way Sniper had, with Heavy in tow.
Sniper couldn't believe his eyes. He put off his shades and stared the... ponies.
"Bloody hell..."
He raised his right arm, pointing at them, while turning around to face his collegues.
"Are you two seeing these too, or I'm just hallucinating?" His eyes darted from the Medic's eyes to the Spy's and back.
"Tell me there are no prancing show-ponies."
The Spy nodded his head in response to the sniper's question. "I'm afraid so." Looking back at the horses, he noticed that they each bore a distinctive mark on their rear ends.
'They look like tattoos of some sorts. Why would you tattoo a horse though?' He thought, rubbing his chin with a gloved hand. The horses had still not moved or said a word, only looked at them with what the Spy would describe as pure fear, though he noticed a spark of curiosity in the eyes of the purple one. She and another one of the miniature horses had a horn sticking out of her head, which he assumed meant they were unicorns, which meant they could use magic. If so, why hadn't they used magic to avoid detection?
"At least they do not look hostile, hmm I wonder, can they speak?" The Medic said. With big heads (+big eyes) like that theory supported they definitey could. Well staring at them certainly made no progress and startling them could prove a bad idea. The Medic certainly didn't want to lose his new guin-er possible friends, yes, that's the word. He smiled and turned to the horses.
"Hello little ones." He said in a not loud tone.
"Heavy has had to much sandvich." Heavy said as Engie tried to pull him out of the small passageway they had found.
"See big guy, this is why I said you wait here." He said as he felt himself move back a bit. After a short struggle Engie managed to get Heavy out of the hole and dove in quickly before the russian got any more ideas. He swiftly made his way through the hole, before long his arms began to tire.
'This sort of thing is for Scout or Sniper.' The Texan thought as he saw a faint glimmer of light up ahead.
"Holy Dooley!" Sniper said and squinted his eyes, then rubbed them too, making sure he see those ponies right. He leaned closer to the Medic and started to whisper in his ears.
"If we need to sedate them, you can count on me and on this beaut'." He tilted his head in the direction of his rifle on his back.
Looking back at the ponies, he started to get a better look.
'Colorful... big head... that one wear a stetson like Engie... hmm... look at that, the purple one is staring me... let's see who have better reflexes...'
He formed a 'pistol' with his hand then with a quick move he aimed it on the purple one and mimiced a real pistol's sound.
"Bang!"
The purple one quickly jumped sideways, slightly scared but ready to get in a fight.
Sniper smirked, then let out a good laugh.
"I'm sorry mate, I couldn't hold it; you have good reflexes, you purple pony!" He said and grinned at the said one.
The Spy snorted, laughing at the purple pony when she jumped aside. When he calmed down, he noticed the white unicorn was looking at him admiringly.
"Wipe zat look off your face. You are starting to creep me out." He said, not really enjoying the attention.
"Oh, I'm sorry." The pony replied, startling the Spy. He didn't expect them to be able to speak. "I was just admiring that magnificent suit you're wearing."
"What interest would a horse have in my suit?"
"Horse? No no no, I'm a pony dear. As for why I'm interested, I design clothes myself."
"A fashion designer? For ponies?" The Spy couldn't help laughing at the absurd thought.
"Most interesting indeed." The Medic himself wanted to laugh at the absurdity of ponies wearing cothes but that would be the most normal thing to happen to the BLU team today, he saw the yellow one still uncouncious, his eyes scanned the weird group, setting on one in particular, that was cyan and had rainbow collored mane.
'Possibly homosexual, need confirmation, but that colour...' He smirked evily. He whispered in the Spy's ear.
"Comrade I think I just found our friend, Scout, a new friend." He pointed at the pegasus.
"..I'm going to avoid asking any qestions." The group turned around to see the Texan come out of the same hole as Sniper.
"Ah, it seems ze toymaker has arrived." Chuckled the Spy getting a glare from behind Engie's goggles, he looked over to the ponies and gave a look that that was between a glare and a smile.
"Now, before I say anything about these ponies, Ah got to know if somebody spiked Demo's rum before I stole a swig."
"Naaah, mate, we can see them all, and they can speak!" Sniper answered Engie's question. "Purple pony, what's your name?" He asked friendly.
Twilight was really surprised by the actions of these strange bipedal, primate looking creatures.
When the tall one with the pipe scared her, she thought they need to fight, but after the laughter and the explanation she got from him, she calmed down.
"Uhm, my name is Twilight Sparkle, these are my friends, and we come from Equestria, through a portal of some kind... do you know anything about it, Mr...?" She made a questioning expression.
"Just call me Sniper." Sniper answred. "Heheheh, we've got prancin' show ponies, bloody hell, this place is more insane than Pyro!" He snickered then walked to the pony, named Twilight, knelt down and raised his right arm for a handshake.
"Nice ta meet'cha, mate!" He said and smiled.
Snickering at the thought of the Scout meeting the rainbow-maned pegasus, the Spy stepped towards the white unicorn.
"May I ask your name, madam?"
"My name is Rarity dear, and yours?"
"Simply call me Spy." He extended his hand and shook with the unicorn. Lighting a cigarette to replace the one he had dropped, the Spy looked around at the other ponies. There was a pink one who appeared she could explode at any given moment. The only two who weren't ponies were a small creature that appeared to be a miniature dinosaur, and a zebra that had obviously been drinking. He had spent enough time around the Demoman to know.
"Gentlemen!" He said, clearing his throat. "Shall we take our guests to meet the others?"
"Yes I can practically hear ze sound of progress. Although which of you will carry ze yellow one? She seemes hurt, mind if I give her an examination?" The Medic smirked. "Ah no matter, come, I will carry your yellow feathered friend and let's 'meet' the others. I'm sure they will be thrilled to meet you. Oh, and we will explain everything zhere too."
/In the very darkest recess of Mann Mannor.../
In a damp lightless corridor, scraping against the wall could be heard, through the maze of darkness walked a creature searching for a way out, and it would not be long untill it found it.
Teams, ponies and other madness
...then you are going to have a bad time.
Authors note: sorry for the delay, and sorry again, the team had technical difficulties...
The group began to move from the room with Engie and AJ holding the rear. The two looked at each with a suscpious look, to AJ, Engie just looked like a sook, he looked her up down and noticed her apple's hat, the two glared at each other for a minute or two before the Texan made the first move.
"The name's Engineer or Engie if you prefer." He said sticking his hand out to meet with her hoof. She shook it firmly and replied.
"Name's Applejack." They both tipped their hats and continued to chat.
"Heavy got through ho-" The russian looked around the empty corridor, having just missed our heroes.
With the new addition of the ponies, Sniper started to think about what will they do with them. The one named Twilight Sparkle was curious about the equipment he have and he could read her expression, she would ask him any second now...
"Mr. Sniper, what is that thing on your back?" She asked and pointed on the Sydney Sleeper.
"That... is my rifle. It uses compressed air to blast a syringe in high speed. The syringe contains a strong 'sedative'." He simply explained.
"And that... sword on your leg?" She pointed at the Tribalman's shiv.
"Well this ..." He grabbed the shiv and spinned it before him, poking the Spy's back with the tip of it in the end. "...this is a knife! Hehehe!"
"Are you some kind of explorer? Or a survivalist?" Twilight asked, the things combining in her brain quickly.
"I am! I spent months in the Australian outback on my own! You can't find a better sniper 'round here than me." He smirked.
"Interesting, don't you mind if I take notes from you?" Twilight, using her magic, levitated a small notebook with a pencil out of her backpack.
"You can do that, mate!" He smirked again. 'Heh, adorable. I might make a sniper out of her!' He thought and sipped from his pipe.
The Spy did his best to ignore the chatter behind him, but he knew he would have to get away from that purple unicorn at some point, or he may go insane from the amount of questions she asked. He had shown his Cloak and Dagger to Rarity, who admired the craftsmanship. He appreciated having someone around who understood why he dressed the way he did.
The pink pony had introduced herself as Pinkie Pie, and she was possibly the most annoying creature the Spy had ever encountered. She made the Scout seem like a civilized person. The one named Rainbow Dash talked less, but she bragged a lot, saying she was the fastest flier in Equestria. The Spy didn't really care for such things. His main concern were to help his team by lying and murdering as many RED enemies as he possibly could. But since there was no RED team here, he would have to settle for talking with their guests.
The Medic could not stop rubbing his temples, ten minutes with the guests and he already felt a headache coming on, the cyan one kept braging about worthless trivias and butted in on coversations she thought were about her but couldn't be more different. He suspected brain damage, he would make sure later, at the very least he would cut out her vocal chords so she would shut up. He remembered he did that to Scout when he would go on a talking spree, he would just jump off the nearest cliff to mend the damage, but would learn his lesson at least temporary. The pink one was by far the most annoying one, it didn't even stand to question, given the oportunity her vochal chords will dissapear. On the topic of annoying voices also comes the one named Rarity, if one were to judge by name and claim she was definitely a snobish pompous brat, they would be 100% right. Her overexagerated pompous way of talking gave the Medic a small itch to shove his uber-saw right down her throat. Still it will be all for science.
Though he wasn't used to it, Sniper answered the questions Twilight asked. She wasn't annoying him at all, morely like reminded him of himself, when he was just a boy, exploring the backyard of his parent's house, asking his father everything .
He leaned closer to Twilight, whispering in her ears.
"That cyan one and that pink one is always this blabbery? They get on my nerves..." He asked, putting the pipe out of his mouth then back.
"Yes, most of the times yes, I'm sorry about them, I can't do anything..." Twilight stopped for a moment, thinking. "Actually, I can."
"Hmmm?" Sniper gave her a questioning look.
Twilight's horn lit up and a zip-fastener appeared on both Pinkie's and Dash's mouth.
"Much better!" Twilight said and smiled.
"Heheh, good one, mate!" Sniper said laughing. He already liked the purple unicorn. "Though it's in my codex to be polite, it also says to be efficient, and this was a real bloody routine, mate!" He exclaimed, smirking.
"Well thank you, Mr. Sniper!"
"Just Sniper, we don't need to use formalities, Ms. Sparkle!"
Both of them shared a smile.
The Spy chuckled slightly when he heard the muffled shouts coming from Rainbow Dash, who was trying to open the zipper that had appeared on her mouth. Pinkie Pie didn't really seem to mind. She continued hopping along behind him, her zipped up mouth forming a grin.
"You certainly have some strange friends Rarity." He said, pointing towards Pinkie and Rainbow.
"Oh, they're great once you get to know them, though Pinkie can be quite the hoof full sometimes."
The Spy pulled out his butterfly knife and began to open and close it with several complicated flicks and movements of his wrist, never once cutting himself on the razor-sharp blade. It was something he often did, helping him think and relax on several occasions, though on one of those occasions it took most of his willpower not to send the blade into the Scout's throat, not that it would have mattered anyway, considering the Scout would have respawned thanks to the Engineer's machine. Flicking his knife closed one last time, he continued the way to the main lobby area.
Fluttershy woke a while ago, but didn't say anything, that and she enjoyed being carried. She overheard their previous conversations and although a bit weird they didn't seem like bad ponies. The one called Medic in particular seemed very friendly judging by his accent and his name stated his profession, he had a mixed aura around him, although there was clearly the feeling of taking care of his friends, there was something more that she couldn't put her hoof on.
Although invisible to most, and quite capable of hiding her emotions, the Medic did notice her, but choose to say nothing as she would probably faint again. He liked the pony, apparently named Fluttershy, she was very quiet, and a tad bit adorable. He could use a silent assistant in the lab, of course if her heart could take it, no problem there if her heart gave in, he would give her another.
Applejack walked quietly beside the Engineer, their paths seemed to split as she now saw him as some fancy machine builder who just happened to have the same accent as her. She kept glancing at the strange object on his back, to an extent it might seem like one of Twilight's fancy telemawhatsits.
"Hey, uh...Engie, what's that thing on your back there?" She asked now walking behind to get a better view of it.
"This old thing, well it's a shotgun." He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Shot..gun?" She asked, confused by the statement.
"You're kidding right, you're probably from around a similar parts as me but you never seen a beauty like this?" He asked, pointing the barrel at her.
"..Care to explain what it do-" she stopped her sentence shaking, as the Engineer fired a shot into one of the walls, causing the group to turn with their weapons at the ready.
"Sorry, ya'll I was showing the little lady my shotgun." He said grinning.
Sniper faceplamed then looked down at Twilight, who had a questioning expression on her face.
"That genius over there have a bunch of diplomas but can't even explain how's a gun works..." He growled.
"I know that feel, 'mate'!" Twilight replied mimicking Sniper's accent with a smile, and patted his waist, as she couldn't reach higher. Back in Equestria she met with several ponies who's special talent was something she knew almost nothing about but she could describe it way better than the pony with the talent itself.
"Well, can we go now?" Sniper asked, waiting for the responses, and when he got the nods, he smiled. "Let's go, mates!" And he took the lead alongside with Twilight.
Walking along behind the Sniper and the purple unicorn, the Spy stowed his Enforcer back in his pocket and snapped the Dead Ringer shut.
"What is that?" Rarity asked as she caught sight of his watch.
"Oh, zis is a device zat allows me to avoid harm." He replied. "Watch." He pulled out his butterfly knife and flicked it open, opening the Dead Ringer at the same time. Swinging his knife, he cut the bare patch of skin between his sleeve and his glove, causing the Dead Ringer to activate. In Rarity's eyes, the Spy dropped to the floor dead. She screamed, attracting everyone's attention. The Spy laughed as the Dead Ringer ran out of charge and he became visible again.
"It is a fake my dear." He said, kicking the weightless body. Showing her his wrist, he showed how the knife slash was just a simple paper cut thanks to the Dead Ringer.
"Don't ever do that again, please," Rarity said, sighing in relief.
//Somewhere in the vast nothingness of space...//
"SAXTON HAAAAALEEEE!!!"
"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan."
Yes Saxton Hale was riding Nyan Cat in space.
//Back with the BLU...//
"Und I get ve are all excited but please try not scare our guests further. Also I vish that after we meet ze rest you follow me to my lab, a routine check just to make sure, we vouldn't want any of you to sponateusly combust, no?" The Medic chuckled with a hint of madness. "Anyway it's just to make sure ze trip wasn't harmfull, und you can help around ze manor vhile you stay. I vill check ze schetches und asign you rooms. Alternatively if you wish you can share a room with one member of the BLU team. Also try not to wander alone, zis is an old manor and it's best to have one of our members with you at all times. So mein froilein, find a partner und enjoy Mann Manor." He finished.
//On the northern most part of the Manor in a dark, damp corridor...//
He striked on the weakened wall, again and again, untill it crumbled, light flashed and blined him for a moment. But he regained itself, it hit a wall in victory with it's big rusty wrench and said one thing.
"Hurrr."
Twilight was observing the well pleaced moves of the Sniper, along with the Medic's slightly rushed ones, the smoothness of the Spy and the similarity to AJ of the Engineer. She made mental notes about it, trying to place the information.
"Uhm Sniper?" She asked.
"Yeah?" He looked down with a smile on his face.
"There are some sorts of enemies whom you and your team fight, right?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, the REDs... those bastards... What do ya wanna know?"
"Ah, not important." She made another mental note.
"Well okay, mate!" Sniper said and continued to lead the small gang.
The Spy's thoughts were elsewhere as he walked. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of lives the ponies had. His team had known nothing but death and destruction since the day they joined the fight. They had never even met any other human beings besides Saxton and the Announcer, who didn't show up very often. Saxton often only showed up to give the team new weapons, which were mostly designed by the Engineer. The Announcer was the woman who had put them all here, taking them from their families in the promise that they would be earning large sums of money to support their loved ones. The Spy had always thought of her as a liar, and often thought of what may have happened if he had declined her offer.
"Hmm vere could ze others be." The medic mused as put a hand to his chin. "Well Pyro is definitely out of ze question, as valuable as he is, he may just be too unstable around zhem." He talked to himself. "Everyone, who is missing from our small onturage? Und who shall we go to first?" After meeting the team he would assing them to the sleeping quarters and tend to the examination. Maybe after this was over he would make a trip back with them to pony land. The possibilities were endless.
Sniper answered Medic's question.
"Last time I've seen, Scout was lost in this bloody place, Demo was up somewhere around the kitchen, Pyro was burning... whatever he have seen combustible, and Soldier was on an opening, giving training for flour bags." When he finished summing up the status, Sniper growled. "That rocket hoppin' simpleton have mental illness."
Twilight poked his leg.
"What's 'rocket hopping' mean?" She asked with the curiousity of a little kid.
"I'll tell you later." Sniper answered and petted her head, smiling.
The Spy left his thoughts when the Medic asked his question. Waiting for the Sniper to finish, he lit a new cigarette.
"Actually, ze Scout is probably in the main area now, as I ran into him in one of ze hallways and led him back zere. As for the Demo, he is most likely drunk somewhere. Soldier is most likely telling the flour bags about Sun Tzu by now."
"I'm sorry, but who is Sun Tzu?" Rarity asked.
"A man who died long ago who was apparently a brilliant military tactician. Soldier looks up to him, but zat's not necessarily helpful."
"Vell I would suggest we go and see Scout first, although annoying he is neither drunk nor insane. Lesser of three evils I suppose."
Throughout the conversation Fluttershy stayed silent, not much to say being as shy as her, the Medic however was the one she really wanted to spend time with. Surely he would have something to help heal animals and ponies alike faster. And she would be happy to help in any way.
'Hmm maybe I can finally find out why Scout is so afraid of rainbows.' The Medic grinned.
"Vat do you say comrades?" He turned to his team. "Ze Scout?"
"Why not?..." the Sniper whispered, preparing himself for another headache.
"I have a feeling about that 'Scout'..." Twilight said to the Sniper, whispering too. "...he might be similar to my 'friend' Rainbow Dash.
Sniper let out a joyous laugh. "Hahhahah, you have no idea!" His laughter decreased to a smirk. "You have no idea..." He then caressed Twilight's head, this pony was soft, she reminded him to his pet dog, Billy.
(Who's name is coincidentally the same as Scout's...)
The Spy rubbed his hands together, eager to see Scout shocked into silence for once in his life.
"What's so funny?" Rarity asked him. The Spy had not realized he was chuckling slightly.
"Oh, I am just interested to see what will happen when ze Scout meets your little friend here." He replied, gesturing at Rainbow Dash, who was hovering with her legs crossed and her mouth still zipped shut.
The Medic also rubbed his hands in anticipation, for all the dumb things the Scout does his big mouth was the only thing the Medic could not correct.
'I mean I sewed his vocal chords bacwards and he still continued to annoy everyone, but still he is valuable to the team. I just wish one could have a conversation with him, without his ego kicking in.'
The Medic sighed, he had taken off his gloves a while ago, tending to the team and ensuring maximum performance was stressful indeed. He felt something on his dangling arm, something soft and comforting, the small yellow pony was nuzzeling his hand. He gave an honest smile.
"Danke Schön little one, but I'm fine." He patted her head and she gave a smile of her own.
Half minute later the group reached the stairs what lead up. They went upstairs and soon they were in the main hall, finding the Scout lying on the floor unconscious.
"Looks like that twitchy hooligan knocked himself out with his own ball, heheheh!" Sniper commented, and he was right: next to the Scout was his Sandman baseball bat and a ball too. And under his left eye was a monocle, probably by the ball.
"He hit the wall with the ball and it bounced back." Twilight commented, then giggled, this was funny even to her.
The Spy leaned down and opened the Scout's eye. Moving a finger in front of it, he knew the Scout was definitely out cold when there was no reaction. Picking up the ball, he tossed it over his shoulder into a trash can.
"Oh, and I so hoped to see him run away screaming." The Spy said in disappointment. "Now what? Perhaps we should introduce zem to ze Demoman?"
"Yes I believe that would do. Let's just hope I do not have to revive him from an alchool induced coma... again." The yellow pony although staying silent stayed near the doctor, he instinctivly petted the mare's head, who knew pony fur was therapeutic?
'I swear that dummkopf is abusing my skills.' He thought. " Shall I retrieve the medigun, just in case?"
"Hold your horses, no offense, ponies, I can wake up the Scout! Heheheh..."
Sniper said and rummaged through his pocket. When he finished the searching, a small vial was in his hand. He opened it, and put it under the Scout's nose.
The Scout suddenly awake, screaming.
"Aaaaaahh, what the hell was that crap?!?" He jumped up and asked, breathing quickly.
"Heheheh, 'vintage' jarate." Sniper smirked then closed the vial and put it back in his pocket.
"What is jarate?" Twilight asked.
"I'll tell you later, wait with the questions now." Sniper responded.
"Jeez I think there is some in my nose!" The Scout said as he began blowing his nose to try and release any of the contents in his nose. After about 5 minutes of unbound sneezing and blowing, he caught notice of the creatures that were behind him.
"What the heck are those......THINGS that are with you?"