Wow… animation did Rarity dirty.

Let me rewind, I had reached Rarity’s room, alongside the three Bridesmaids that had come to see their own dresses, Lyra, Twinkleshine and Colgate? Wait, no, that’s the fandom name, Minuette, that’s it.

“Hey Princess! How are—”

“Shh!” I say, listening close to the door as I heard it.

“You should’ve seen it Rarity, she cried, cried, from just a fritter!”

“Well, you did say it was Applejack’s personally baked desserts, and last I checked only Pinkie’s cakes rivalled them.”

“I mean, yeah, they’re good, but it was like she’s never had even any normal food before, she was so overwhelmed! What in Tartarus have the wedding planners been doing to her?”

I took that as my cue as I walked in. “Honestly? Their ‘diet plan’ actually made me forget what normal food tastes like.”

“Your highness!” Rarity exclaimed before rushing over and all but prostrated herself before me. “Let me just start by saying it’s such an honor to take part in such a momentous occasion.”

“Relax, Rarity, you needn’t be so formal.” I assured her. “It’s actually an honor to meet you.”

“R-really?” She stuttered out, a little flabbergasted.

“Of course, your bejeweled designs for Sapphire Shores, being the wielder of the Element of Generosity, giving Blueblood his just desserts.” I giggled at the pun. “And most of all, you’re Twilight’s friend, why wouldn’t I want to meet the ponies my future sister-in-law cares about?”

“Oh… thank you, yo-um-Cadence… I trust you are here to see my work?” she said, bowing again.

I roll my eyes and decide to snark a little. “Well, I’m not here to see your flank, so you can stop sticking it up in the air.” I say, not even batting an eye to the slowly reddening marshmallow pony as I walked over to the ponyquin.

And just… wow, you know what the difference is between Rarity’s actual design and the one in the show?

Budget, and I don’t mean the pony’s actual budget, but the show’s animation budget, to allow Cadence to be moving around in it without draining all of their funds, they greatly simplified the design. In the show, there were blue strips of cloth, basic woven patterns, a nice frilly collar, a white and gold cloud-like design for the actual dress, a sapphire, and a fake-looking flower crown.

What was before me both was that base, but nothing like it. The blue strips of cloth? They were translucent and shimmered like silk, the woven pattern on the ‘belt’ wrapped around the barrel? It wasn’t some basic gusts, it was a tapestry in the honor of wind itself! The collar was iridescent and looked like it was the fabric version of glass, and the gold in the dress was actual golden thread! The sapphire almost seemed to glow with an ambient energy, and the white cloth was decorated in little patterns to make them truly look like rolling clouds… and the flower crown?

“...are… are those flowers alive?” I muttered aloud as I looked at the flowers weaved together with their own stems and roots, bound together and full of life, their vibrant petals adorned with glistening morning dew like diamonds.

“Yes, they are.” Rarity cheerfully answers as she rushes over to explain. “I didn’t want to stoop to using fake flowers, so I used the Sapphire for some simple enchantment, it was a simple two-step spell where it absorbs the mana in the air, and then transfers it to something else. Normally it’s used by mages to boost their magic, but I feel this was a more elegant purpose, and the roots ensure all the flowers get their fair share.”

“Rarity… this is beautiful, I… I just have one problem with it.”

“Oh… what would that be, your highness?”

“I was hoping the dress would have a veil.”

“A… veil?” Rarity blinked. “But veils haven’t been used in 400 years!”

Oh crap! Bullshitting powers, go! “Well, yes, but I’m a bit of a romantic! Sure it’s a little old-fashioned, but I just can’t help but imagine him pulling back the cloth, and the first time he sees my happy blushing face on that day is when he’s my husband.”

I swear, Rarity had sparkles in her eyes as she started feverishly drawing out a veil design on a notepad. “You are quite correct, your highness! I’ll have a veil for you posthaste! Anything you want to comment on involving the bridesmaid outfits?”

“I personally have no desire to change them, but what do you think?” I ask, gesturing to the three mares in question.

“They’re lovely!”
“Ditto!”
“I love mine!”

“Well there you have it!” I say with a smile before waving bye to both her and Twilight. “See you at rehearsals!”

“Good luck.” Twilight calls back.

I am going to need it…

Holy fuck I need Pinkie to be my best-friend, no question.

Like, okay Chrysalis wasn’t wrong about Pinkie’s vision for a Wedding Reception, she just said it too harshly, so I’m not talking about that, no I’m talking about Pinkie’s whole supernatural charm.

Like… you know how people say Pinkie’s energy lights up an entire room? It’s a bit more literal than that. As an Earth Pony, her magic has a distinct connection to the Earth, while a normal Earth Pony can use it to commune with nature and help plants grow and soil to become more fertile, Pinkie’s is a bit more sensitive. I don’t really have a solid answer, but the working theory is that Pinkie Pie’s high-energy nature supercharged her connection, so instead of vague intent, Pinkie’s body can speak to the Earth and the Earth can communicate back, sending her signals that translate into her Pinkie Sense.

This connection also would be a good explanation for why when Pinkie is in a room, everything inside can start generating a good mood, I am literally feeding off the joy that the room is radiating and it’s so fucking sweet that I might end up on a sugar-rush myself! I’m getting it from the carpet, the walls, even the very air tastes of sugary happy feels! I want a mini Pinkie wherever I go just to have this buzz!

…hehe, buzz, geddit? Wait, focus on the pink party pony.

“Pinkie, these are rather… interesting choices, but I don’t think Pinatas, Board Games and Pin The Tail on the pony are gonna be good choices.”

“Huh? But why, everypony likes those things!”

“Yes, but they’re too small, this isn’t like Ponyville Party where at most you might have 20 ponies along with their foals, this is going to be a great celebration with 50 to 60 grown ponies at least, and won’t be happy having to wait around for a four-player game of Equestrivial Pursuit.”

She made a major gasp. “You’re right! I need more games! Lots more! And bigger games! Ooh! I could get Pretzel! And my bottle-spinner! Ooh! I have a toy that plays red light green light!”

“No.” I say immediately, I have no clue why, but hearing the idea of playing red light green light with a doll set off a primal fear in me.

{Twilight, 3rd person, later that night}

“So, I know what you’re all thinking.” Twilight began, drawing the attention of her friends as she arrived with her drink.

“Cadence is a precious mare that needs to be rescued from the noble wedding planners now.”

“...Rescued?” Rarity asks, sharing in the bafflement of the other four ponies at the table.

“Applejack was the starting point where I caught on that something wasn’t right, and with what I’ve seen, something is really wrong, Applejack, you know you can make the most amazing apple foods in Equestria, but when has anypony ever cried tears of joy at taking a bite from them?”

“Oh! A few times.” The farmer answered readily. “But that’s been times when the pony’s gone and nearly starved… themself… to death…” she slowed down as dawning horror slowly formed on her face.

“And Rarity, when you told her that veils weren’t used for 400 years, did you see the near panic-attack she had? Like she was supposed to know that but didn’t?”

“Well of course she has to know that, the planners are supposed to bring her up to speed on all current wedding norms. If she didn’t know anything they’d have to drill it into her… oh…”

“Um… I didn’t want to say anything.” Fluttershy spoke up, drawing all eyes to her. “But, when she came to check on the music, she fell asleep until one of my birds spoke off-key, she nearly snapped and all but bit the poor dear’s head off.”

“And you only mention this now?” Applejack said, the group already visibly looking worried for the poor bride.

“Well, when she calmed down she just broke down and started crying about too many patterns to memorise, how her throat hurts from repeating lines, and how she had trouble breathing from the Corset Spell they have on her.”

“Aren’t Corset Spells illegal?” Twilight asked.

“They’re… allowed to be used by licensed medical experts and beauticians…” Rarity answered.

“Doctors are allowed to use the thing that crushes ribs?!”

“Y-yes but it’s used instead for things like magical Splints and casts.”

“And the beauticians??”

“To ensure performers stay on their diets.”

The lavender unicorn shook her head in exasperation. “Whatever, the point is these Wedding Planners are liable to kill her before whatever threat to Canterlot is, arrives to do the job itself.”

“You’re right!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I mean… yeah, I didn’t see any of this, but if it’s even half as bad as you say, we need to help her!”

“Yeah!” the rest cheer, causing Twilight to smile.

“Thanks girls, I can always trust you to have my back.”

“First off, we need to confront Cadence.” Applejack suggested. “We can’t help her unless she understands she needs help in the first place, or we’re liable to make everything worse.”

"Excuse me, Lady Twilight.. I believe I may have misheard.. Is Princess Cadence in distress?"

The six turn to the pony who spoke, it was a Thestral in shining black armor, his fur blue, and his slitted, soul-piercing orange-golden eyes staring into Twilight's own.. his emotion indiscernible from them, although his leathery wings had most certainly shown how bothered he was by what he overheard.

“And you are?” Rainbow asked with a raised brow.

"I am Raven Lunaris, Ma'am."

“Well, Mr. Lunaris.” Twilight started. “You unfortunately haven’t misheard, my old foalsitter and future sister is in serious trouble and probably doesn’t realise it, the Nobles who have taken the role of preparing Cadence for the wedding have been chipping away at her mentally and emotionally. It’s torture in all but name and we have to help her before the stress and emotional suffering become too much!”

Hearing this, his wings unfurled to full size, his eyes displaying obvious anger. "A guard's duty is to the safety and security of the Princesses.. to hear that nobles have been torturing Princess Cadence.. it is nothing short of Treasonous, and I ask that you refer to me as Guard Lunaris, rather than Mr., Lady Twilight, I cast off that honorific when I chose to serve in Princess Luna's guard division."

“Right, sorry… and if I’m hearing right, thank you for offering to help us, but we can’t really do anything without first making sure Cadence knows she needs to be saved.”

“Gettin’ a pony out of a cage ain’t no good unless they see the bars.” Applejack wisely stated. “Had a cousin in another city who didn’t really know that abusive relationships were a possible thing, let alone that she was in one, and just trying to get her to leave her coltfriend didn’t work until we gave her perspective that black eyes are not how couples show affection.”

“That… that was something I really didn’t know about you, AJ.” Rainbow said with no small amount of surprise.

"Or perhaps the better idea is to remove the cage from around them." He spoke rather.. sinisterly.

“...I don’t like the way he said that, did anypony like the way he said that?” Fluttershy muttered quickly, the other five shaking their heads in agreement.

“Um… Guard Lunaris, we can’t just remove the nobles, we don’t help Cadence by taking away the problem, we need to let her know that there is a problem in the first place.”

"You are her friends.. You should do that.. Whilst myself and Captain Armor see to it that the nobles who found such torturous ways to be acceptable are punished accordingly. As you might say, You reveal the cage, I'll tear it down."

“Alright… thanks again.” Twilight smiles at the helpful guard before the team head off.

“Yeah, first guard we’ve seen actually doing their job.”

“Zip it, Rainbow.” Applejack muttered.

As the six head off, no-one noticed the sinister emerald shimmer in the guard’s eyes.

{Cadencalis}

“It’s a really nice medal! I’m not saying that, but… I was really hoping you’d wear the bow tie I got you.” I whined a little.

“I’ve never worn a tie.”

“It’s a clip-on, you’d look so cute in it!”

My Queen, I have important information for you.

One of my infiltrators reported.. with a hint of Intelligent devotion..

“...excuse me, nature calls.” I say before rushing to the bathroom.

Report! Um… who are you?

I am one of your infiltrators, Your Highness.. I cast off my name as a Changeling so I may deeper assume my identity. I am called Raven Lunaris.

…Doesn’t doing that risk you fully turning pony?

Which is why I must occasionally re-craft myself as a Changeling once more.. such is my life, I live to serve, My Queen.

I blink. Okay, can you fucking STOP with all the flowery speech?! All the other drones talked to me normally, why do you get the special treatment?

… I serve under Princess Luna, My Queen.

And Princess Luna’s Lexicon is a good millennia out of date, clearly she’s not the best example of—why am I even humoring this, just STOP, it makes my head hurt trying to discern your meanings just talk normal. PLEASE…

I … will try, My Queen.. I have pleasing news to report, The ponies have no doubt you are truly Cadence.. and indeed, they think you are being slowly tortured by your wedding planners.

You know, the latter half would’ve been an interesting way to build trust amongst them if it wasn’t actually tru— and suddenly I doubled over in pain. FUCK MY RIBS!!

My Queen!! do you need medical aid?

Relax, it’s my pony ribs, I could just shapeshift this nightmarish vice off if I wanted to… problem is I did that and the next time I came in they made it tighter.

They're going to be arrested very soon, it is truly treasonous to be harming the Princess, especially during her wedding preparations.. The pony personality of me hopes that you find happiness.. as the joint spouse of Shining Armor and Cadence.. I have only seen Cadence once or twice, but Shining Armor… he is most devoted and loving, he is a perfect husband for you, My Queen.

Right… though you’re forgetting the wedding preparations are the torture, I have to constantly repeat my wedding vows over and over, I need to walk up and down the aisle repeatedly until I get the EXACT right rhythm of hoofsteps, I need to recall every modern wedding tradition by memory the second I’m asked to make sure I know not to cause any faux-pas… and all of this I would not wish on a changeling, it’s actually so emotionally draining you can actually empty your stomach from it.

Perhaps a change of pace is in order, My Queen?

Right, what would you have in mind?

Perhaps a day to walk the gardens with Princess Luna? It is the proper time of night, and I do not believe we have the full allegiance of the Princess of the night, do we? I should return to my duties, My Queen.

Right… I’ll… consider it.

I sigh, and just sit down… that’s when I hear something.

“Wait, Cadence is being WHAT?!”

Oh great, they told Shining.

Author's Note

don't get too attached to Raven, they exist only as a brief cameo for this chapter.