“Honey… I get what you’ve learned is a bit… jarring but…” I shuffle around. “Is this really necessary?”

What I was referring to was that, after learning of my torment, Shining had taken the initiative to not only help Twilight dispel the Corset, but had also wrapped me up in so many blankets, with a mug of hot cocoa as well, to the point I looked more like a marshmallow than the marshmallow pony with all the soft white fluff I was wrapped in.

“Cadence, you’ve been hurting, and who knows how many other mares who have kept quiet about the horrors of preparation!” Shining began, and before I could retort, he added on. “Wedding Jitters is one thing, Stress from preparation is forgivable, but from what I heard, you are on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown.”

“But—”

“No Buts!”

“...not even yours?”

he cut off, and of course Dash snickered at the obvious innuendo, while Twilight was suddenly finding herself switching from blushing like a school-filly, or gagging at the idea of any lewd scenario involving her own brother. Shining was stuck trying to perform a turtle impression to hide his own reddened face.

“Everypony… thank you.” I began. “I truly thank each and every one of you, but… okay, I won’t lie to you, I’ve been having a very sucky time with all this preparation-” while Cadence is lounging around with Grapes and Cider or something. “-but I have a plan here, one that needs to happen, regardless of my current issues with the wedding plans. Shining, you are a wonderful Stallion and I love you so much, but I can’t have you going on a warpath and putting delays, or I might miss the window I need to achieve what I intend to do.”

“I…”

“Shining… everyone, please, for me?” and then I pulled out the ultimate weapon, one that nopony has been known to resist, one whose terrible power has shaken the foundations of Equestria to their very core on more than one occasion.

The dreaded puppy dog eyes!

It was amazing how the group managed to resist such a display for so long, it must be an Equestrian record! A whole thirty seconds.

“Okay! Okay! We won’t do anything… yet! But if I see this getting to you even a little after this, heads are gonna roll, got it?”

“Thank you, Shiny~.” I cooed, pulling him over with a magic grasp to get a smooch on his cheek, which effectively pacified him with the goofiest grin.

…dammit, Chryssi, don’t jump him in front of Twilight and her friends!

In all honesty, getting Shining to keep his word was hard, calling it walking on eggshells would be an insult to the structural strength of eggs. The stallion scrutinised me the following day greatly, the moment even a hint of exhaustion surfaced in my features, the guard captain began pulling out a sword and gave off the aura of a holy crusader at the borders of Jerusalem. I was lucky, turning up my feminine charms was enough to distract him before he could commit amateur barbering… with his sword… it—yeah, fuck metaphors, I meant decapitation.

But it seemed that I was getting even more exhausted just trying to stop Shining from committing hot-blooded murder and getting a one-way ticket to the dungeons. Celestia is a kind ruler, naive at times, but she’s still fair in a sense, if Shining is getting stabby, future nephew or not he’s getting Time-out: grown-ups edition.

It took all my reserves, and a few heated make-out sessions with either Shining or a relief supply drone in the guise of a maid, but I managed to get to the damn rehearsals without my fiance going postal. Unfortunately, he still looked ready to abort the whole thing to go purge my tormentors if I so much as exposed even a little of the pain they put me through.

Thankfully, we managed to push through to even the kiss at the end, no Four-legged crusades, no sudden objections with me crying in ‘despair’ at Twilight calling me an evil brainwashing witch, and no discourse among the mane six.

Good, it was fucking bullshit in canon when all of a sudden the mares meant to be her best friends suddenly lost all faith in her over a pink alicorn they just met, and didn’t think to consider that Twilight Sparkle, Personal Student to Celestia, Master of Magic, Brother of the groom and the child who was babysat by real Cadence for several years, knew what the fuck she was talking about.

‘Course then there’s that movie where she somehow forgets every lesson she learned and tries to commit grand-theft pearl, but she technically hasn’t done that yet, and if I have anything to say about it, she never will.

A lesson can be learned without making a mistake, and sometimes it’s the wrong lessons that are taught, like ‘tradition is always good and never trust any kind of innovation just because the two idiots that used the machine used it wrong for petty reasons!!’ The Cider-Squeezy was a good thing Hasbro! The ponies were the ones that sucked!!

Well… actually not true, the brothers seemed to be okay and honest businessmen before the squeezy incident, a few drones even reporting that the reason some of them had survived their own exposure events was because the two ‘swindlers’ put on a show and smuggled them out of towns with some good old fashioned showmanship alongside their kind hearts. Unfortunately not so kind and honest anymore with their income dropped to single digits and a few too many loan sharks on their tail just to keep their cart moving and their bellies full.

Wait, I think I may have gone on a tangent, focus Chrissy!

So, the Rehearsal ended, and Celestia smiled warmly at the sight, taking her leave soon after, leaving us with a whimsical sigh as she stated. “A shame Luna will not be here to see this on the blessed day, a few too many ponies with nightmares to deal with recently after seeing a mass suicide.”

Gee, who could’ve predicted THAT?

With her gone, the crowd began to disperse, except for me and Shining, although I decided to change that.

“Wait, Twilight, may I speak to you here… alone?” I asked, glancing at Shining.

The stallion was far more accepting of it than I expected, giving me an energising kiss to the cheek before heading out.

Now, it was just me and Twilight.

“Twilight, I need to talk to you about your efforts to help me, it’s important for you to understand the situation.”

“Cadence, I am so sorry, I didn’t expect Shining to get so worked up, I just got worried because I kept seeing the signs and—”

“I assure you, Princess Cadence is not suffering any of the torture I have allowed myself to be put through.” I say in the calmest, most professional voice I could muster, with my own Chrysalis voice, because I was going to ham this up so much that it sure wouldn’t be kosher when I was done.

Twilight froze up at the unfamiliar voice. “...what?”

I kept it up with the addition of something beautiful, pre-made folder and files! I put it in front of her before she could react, opening it up to reveal dossiers on the many ponies I was planning vengeance on and their victims. “Agent Sparkle, your mission, should you choose to accept it, will have you assisting myself and Princess Cadence in ensuring diplomatic relations with foreign kingdoms and preventing a political uproar caused by negligent or malicious parties.”

“...eh?”

“Your targets for this assignment are several independent groups, not connected in any way other than the similarities of the crimes they have committed. Their victims, individuals of a race both obscure in catalogued knowledge and once actively hidden from the public eye, known as Changelings. Their diet? The energy ambiently given off from the expression of emotion with no side-effects occurring unless they forcibly feed on a target, which is unnecessary if simply given affection or other positive emotions, or in an area with plenty of ambient positive emotion. Their crime? Apparently being different from ponies and therefore being horrible vampiric monsters. The punishments? Too cruel to recall without severe nausea.”

“Now hold on—”

“Location of targets is uncertain, the only window of opportunity will be at the main ceremony, where I will continue to pose as Cadence, ensuring I can give an accurate head-count and set-up the cage to prevent the objectives from fleeing the premises and, in-so-doing, flee the justice that Celestia will hopefully bring upon them when their sins are brought to light.”

“Wait a minute—”

“You will be transported to the caves below this room and rendezvous with Cadence, you will make your way out of the caves with help from the Changeling assets on the day of the ceremony, at the appropriate timing you and Cadence will burst into the altar room, springing the trap and ensuring no escape for—”

“WAIT A MINUTE!!” she screamed, taking a few deep breaths, wrapping her head around what she had just read, and what I just told her. “Who… who the buck even are you?!”

“Ah, yes, I almost forgot.” I then just casually dropped the transformation. “I am Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings, the one who brought this incident to light for Cadence when I decided to take matters into my own hands, since any attempts at diplomatically contacting Celestia for these horrors was blocked at every turn.”

“...o-oh…”

I then change back to Cadence. “So, do you accept?”

“I mean, of course I wanna help Cadence! but… why? Why this whole wedding thing? Couldn’t you hide as an anonymous pony and explain this all directly to us?”

“Well… I may also be using this as an opportunity to seduce both the Princess and your Brother, so far I think I’m making progress.”

“Ah.” and then!... she passed out.

“...eh, I’m sure she’s fine, lemme just…” I activate a phase sphere on her. “There we go!”

“Operation: ‘Fake It Til You Make It’ is still going strong!”

Author's Note

I have no excuse, sorry for my absence.