Untitled Displaced Fanfiction

The Diamond Dogs started threatening Jonah's associates.

"While I appreciate your lack of shame, if your desires were realised you would be infringing on my associates' freedoms. Thus, I must humbly request you to stop." said Jonah.

"Sorry, mate, but we really want to make your ponies our slaves and beat them and stuff." said one of the Diamond Dogs.

"Then it appears we are at an impasse. I guess we should fight to the death." said Jonah.

"Sure." said the Diamond Dogs in unison.

Jonah chuckled. Them all doing that in unison was vaguely amusing in a way he didn't think they intended. He then whistled for one of his servants to throw him a flamethrower and he burnt the Diamond Dogs to a crisp. This was somewhat reckless as he could easily have burnt the palace and its inhabitants along with them. He didn't but that was purely down to blind luck than any skill at handling a flamethrower on Jonah's part. He may have been good with a glock (superhumanly good) but with other weapons, he handled them as well as you could expect a rich stockbroker who threw his first punch at the age of 21 and barely experienced any conflict would. As in, not well. The hot dogs then ran outside, screaming like the wieners they were.

"Why did you come here? And why did you stay?" asked Twilight.

"Humankind as a whole has a tendency toward sadism. It seemed long ago that we had a kind of innocence and faith handed down from generations. By a long time, I mean millions of years ago, when Gilgamesh was still around and Gods existed. I stayed here because I liked being near something so pure. I gained a perverse joy in corrupting it. I am evil." said Jonah.

"Yes, you are. But you've also crossed lines for your moral principles, however arbitrary and dumb they may be. Most people can only dream of that kind of bravery." replied Twilight "And besides, I'm evil too. I stood by while you slaughtered hundreds of Equestrians simply for being too prudish or censorious for your tastes."

"A nuclear disaster is coming. If this dimension exists, then that means what that crazy Applejack cosplaying comic book store owner told me was true. The US army did travel back in time in order to trap humanity's innocence in a pocket dimension and create war. Ponies are a result of that." said Jonah.

"Wow. That sounds really fucking dumb." said Twilight "Why would the US military do that?"

"To ensure their own existence." said Jonah.

Suddenly, a US helicopter backed up by several spaceships and Garfield arrived outside the palace.

"HELLO!" screamed General Thurber through a megaphone "I SEE YOU'RE HAVING A NICE TIME PLAYING EVIL OVERLORD TO A BUNCH OF SIMPERING, EMOTIONALLY WEAK PONIES! SORRY TO RUIN YOUR FUN BUT WE HAVE A LOT OF VERY IMPATIENT INVESTORS AND THE ILLUMINATI ON OUR BACK SO WE'RE JUST GONNA NUKE THE SHIT OUT OF EQUESTRIA!"

"SORRY! I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY AND THE BLADES OF YOUR HELICOPTER ARE KINDA LOUD!" Jonah screamed back.

Thurber then put a megaphone on his megaphone and repeated his message. He then brought Ron Paul and Bernie Sanders onto the helicopter's bridge.

"AND TO SHOW YOU WE MEAN FUCKING BUSINESS, I'M GOING TO SHOOT BERNIE SANDERS AND RON PAUL!" screamed General Thurber.

"We couldn't stop them! They forced our hand! You have to believe us!" said Ron Paul.

"Yeah! We're actually big fans of MLP!" said Bernie Sanders before cramming a spoonful of Ben and Jerry's into his mouth.

"Being a sell-out taste good, huh?" said Ron.

"Shut up, creationist!" said Bernie in reply.

Thurber then shot the two of them in the head.

"OK." said Jonah "Destroying the environment? Cool. Poisoning our water and food with mind-slowing chemicals to make us more docile? Understandable. Spreading lies through the media in order to spread hatred and divide the country? Makes sense. But shooting Ron Paul and Bernie Sanders? THAT'S A STEP TOO FAR, BUDDY!"

"I don't actually know who any of these people are or why I should care." said Rarity.

Melchior then stepped out of the palace gates.

"Obama?" gasped Thurber.

To Be Continued...