Contemplations

by SixRoller

First published August 20th, 2012 03:44

Sometimes a novel isn't needed to speak what must be said. This is what I hope to achieve here. These stories (because that's what they are, despite not being in a 'conventional' format; they do provide a tale, like any other story) will be short in length, and not written in the conventional way normally seen on this site; they will be written in a format normally seen in poetry, because that's what this is. This is not to say they will be nonsensical, they are the insights, and the contemplations I imagine these characters would go through at some point. What I hope to provide is a commentary, but in a different, and perhaps fresh way.

All thoughts are appreciated. They have a guiding line of thought, and each one will have a correlation of some type (even if it's slight) with another.

Audio covers of the first two chapters by BigMacDavis are here, big thanks to him for this, fantastic work; fantastic guy.

Picture Source

Chapters

Sun's Glow
Moonlight's Throw
A New Tomorrow?
Bitter Return?
Now That The Tables Are Turned
Dawn Rises
A Lesson Well Learned

Sun's Glow
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Contemplations

Sun's Glow

Staring up into the sky,
The thoughts of millions on my mind;
Since my ascension I have felt no rest,
The thoughts of the past are like sweet lullabies,
Of times gone, of times best.

Up above my star burns furiously,
Never failing to peak my curiosity.
With a smile adorning my face,
I reach out to the object to which I am akin,
Similarly never at halt;
Bathing its light upon my skin.

Its duty is to never dim,
So as to give inspiration;
To bring out the one within.
Cherishing the moment of the inevitable last breath,
It will engulf the world in a glorious death.
It knows its virtue and so do I,
Continue on the beaten path I must,
Until I eventually perish;
Wither to dust.

Looking down, dimness pertaining; sorrow entertaining.
It seems the facts of life are almost always quite grim,
Never quite failing to tug at ones heartstrings;
Singing the song of the sweet sorrow within.

I must gather my mind,
For I fear that I may lose my composure,
Wallow in a swamp of thoughts like that,
Surely I will be eventually swallowed up.
Cannot let my thoughts fray; temper fade away.
To the present task I must attend,
Lest I become hollow;
The troubles of the kingdom never amend.

So I reach out far and wide,
Seemingly no limits to the tendrils of my mind;
Find the ones that cause me grief,
Hold them tight, love them deep,
Knowing their life is all too brief,
Few of them I shall ever meet.

They rival the lights of Luna's sky,
A life never just 'passes by',
Always seen by my sister and I,
Never easy when they fade and die.

A tear rolling down from my eye,
Regrets a millennia gone by,
Reflecting the sins of my dear subjects,
For them I will never neglect;
Always forgive and never forget.

I want to help them oh so much;
Yet they push me away,
Don't I love them enough?
Claiming I'm aloof and never 'in touch',
For the demanding citizenry there is never enough.

In their greed is never what they need,
Almost as if it's their own happiness they want to impede.
Always screaming "I want it now!"
When will they realise that true peace comes from within;
Not from superficial deeds...

How can I convince them to change their ways?
I just hope my example is enough;
Good will may sway.

Perhaps I'm just generalising here,
Admittedly it's only the 'elite's' behaviour that I truly fear.
'Common' ponies like my Faithful Student,
Whose will is strong,
Without hint of hubris.

Her friends as well,
Such an inspiration...
Surely they show the best of us,
Through every trial;
Through every situation.

Forever tenacious, they stay strong together,
Never apart, bound though heart.
Whiling away every type of weather;
Surely they will be friends forever.

Yes, I shouldn't let my thoughts bog me down,
The doubt I should not let hound,
I will venture forth,
Through the light and dark,
Protect my subjects I must.
I shall not squander, bastardise;
Misuse their sacred trust.

Audio cover of this chapter by BigMacDavis is here, big thanks to him for this, fantastic work; fantastic guy.

Moonlight's Throw
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Contemplations

Moonlight's Throw

Moonlight's throw,
Harrowing sorrow.
Everything I ever knew,
Is scattered to the winds,
To the mind of all but a few.

For all my might,
There is no respite;
My former transgressions might...
See present's light be befallen with blight,
For my previous lack of sight.

Not lending you their ear;
Treating you as the 'younger one';
Never truly considering you a peer.
Make them pay, you know you want to...
Make them suffer for what they put you through.

I know I love them, I know I do;
But can I ever forgive them,
For what they put me through?
Yes I can, why shouldn't I?
To live in hate and loathing is no life at all.
A selfish lie, to live a life like that;
It would be better to lay down and die.

I have the chance to start anew,
And not dwell on the thoughts of a bitter few.
I shan't waste it on thoughts of the past,
When my country needs me strong;
My virtues stand true;
Held fast.

It'll never work,
You know that deep down.
That pitiful self-loathing in your heart,
Will always keep you held to the ground.
Try as you might, don't mistake,
They hate you with every waking breath they take...

Why would you say that?
I know you're telling lies...
Your pathetic self-sustaining cries.
Still your hounding persists;
I will not have it!
Few have ever gained a second chance;
The slate wiped;
Forgiven for sins forgone into the past.

Your malevolence will meet deaf ears,
Tonight and every night henceforth!
I'll no longer aid your plight;
Allow you to wither and fade,
Into the dark abyss you once sought;
All your effort is for naught.

I doubt that very much,
I gave you strength when you were weak.
Failing to peruse your thoughts;
You would rather silently weep,
Than ever give a thought to speak.
I've never been your enemy;
You know that to be true,
All I've ever been,
Is you.

I know it's true;
I always knew.
The foolishness of the past is gone;
But for your purpose, you no longer have one...
I'm at peace; I know what I want.
So why are you still here?
What would you have done?

I'm you, I want what you want.
I've only done what you desired to come to pass;
I couldn't change it if I wanted to,
Although I don't.
I am you, I always have been;
A split personality is not healthy,
So why don't we become one, truly,
And newly begin?

You are right,
I am right.
It is time I truly embraced myself from within.
Others forgive me for what I have done;
For my regrets, I have some.
My sins are done, into the depths of time;
Only resurfaced by my selfish desire, held in my mind.
I felt as if I needed a purpose from which I could aspire;
My self loathing was becoming truly dire,
Poisoning the good intentions of the ones I love,
I would think they were turned against me,
That they were my enemy.
But my worst enemy comes from within,
Accepting myself is the true choice to take;
Maybe then I can truly win.

The love of others is too precious to loose;
I have learned from my previous mistake.
All I had to do was choose.

Audio cover of this chapter by BigMacDavis is here, big thanks to him for this, fantastic work; fantastic guy.

A New Tomorrow?
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Contemplations

A New Tomorrow?

Barely a thought left,
I feel hollow.
I cling to my hope; to my sorrow.
Hopefully for me,
There will be a new tomorrow...

She humiliated me, made me weep;
Now she's invading my sleep.
Isn't my life and dignity enough,
That she must rack my mind with thoughts of doubt;
Remind me why my life is so tough.

Dragging my tail through the dirt;
Keep myself moving,
To avoid the hurt.
Every new town is a new opportunity for me,
But more often than not,
I'm a failure for all to see.

Why do I keep myself going,
When I'm always left with nothing?
To garner some sort of achievement;
Fulfilling some sort of appeasement?

Keeping my step,
I cannot afford to rest.
My steps echoing out into the dark;
Ringing off the bark,
In the forest of the lonely hearts.

Where I'm going, it does not matter.
No one to find me when I'm gone;
Perhaps this was my destiny all along?
Transcending to a forlorn,
Harrowing foregone whisper of a song.

All I seem to be,
Is an unwanted pain in the neck,
Doing them a favour,
It would only take one small step...
Off into the abyss I would go.
The future seems hollow;
It would rid me of my mourning,
To never see tomorrow.

Bright light on others' faces,
An entertainers' end?
The welcoming stage is.
But the cries of appeasement have waned and ceased,
Their jeering 'lies' perhaps hold some truth it seems...

I've taken a step back,
Why did I do that?
Never mind, another step forward;
The chasm seems less welcoming,
Now that I know what I truly step towards...

Second thoughts; beckoning calls,
Promising me a better life;
Joyous tolls.
Trying to sway me from my true cause;
Its better like this, don't they see?
The wholly welcoming embrace of death welcomes me...

Pattering hitting the ground,
Wondering: what is that sound?
Rain falling from the sky,
Or just tears rolling from my eyes...
Too long I've been behind my pride;
This is not something I ought to hide.

My achievements aren't for naught,
Only what I sought.
A purpose steeped in banality,
Power hungry;
Cheap fury.
Perhaps it was no wonder I wasn't seen...

Grounded trepidations,
Is this an overzealous bet?
Although the symptoms aren't onset,
Has due care been truly met?
Perhaps then,
This isn't for the best...

But with all my possessions in ruin;
How can I set a goal again,
Without the means to become whole again?
Or perhaps they're just petty lies...

The painful torment released through my eyes;
Searing wounds too open to hide;
Needles of rejection keep them wide.
All I've ever wanted is someone by my side.
No hidden truth from them;
No need to hide.

Bubbling emotions rising up again;
This is all too much to take in; too much pain.
I've made my decision,
This happens tonight.
I'll take my final step.
Because after all,
What's the point in my miserable life?

"WAIT!"

Bitter Return?
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Contemplations

Bitter Return?

The end of the forest is in sight,
Equestria is laid plain;
We're allowed to see into the moonlight once again.
Leaving behind the thick thistle of asphyxiating abhorrence,
The hope of that place seems perpetually inane.

She's on my back now,
And I can no longer feel any lingering pain.
At least her body seems whole once again.
Whether she's sane however,
I cannot see;
The only troubling thing about her to me.

The noticeable relief of ones exit from that place,
It's enough to set a smile upon my face.
However I feel that it may not be in good taste...
I feel myself quicken with haste;
With her unconscious, I cannot afford a lumbering pace.

Still can't risk a magical transport,
For fear of reactionary retort.
The requirements of magic's thought,
Is not one I'm confident she can currently support.
Heh, at least this can all fit into my schedule as: 'unforeseen sport'.

I feel her breathing softly against my pelt;
Warmth escapes and tickles my hairs,
The gentle rubbing of a silky felt.
A kneading; content touch,
One that is subject to trust;
Therefore is not unwanted as such.

The town is deserted,
No surprises there.
Apart from my company;
With the chilling cold air.
Yet... all is not as it seems,
The moon bathes the land in it's pale beams;
Setting alight the surroundings with a glint.
Totally lacking of heat;
It's sheen still provides a comforting gleam.

Both the lamps and the moonlight easily allow my sight;
It still baffles me as to why ponies sleep at night...
Sharp hoofsteps sound my way;
I can see the library in the distance,
He forgot the lamps again,
Much to my dismay...

He probably went off to take a nap;
At the moment I don't think I can blame him for that...
Today has certainly been trying;
Tomorrow I think, I shall have a lie-in.
But first, this mare still needs a bed in which to sleep,
After all that fuss, I'm not going to leave her on the floor, in a heap...

I don't even need magic to light my way,
Ponies are trusting; they leave the doors open,
So that ponies may come and go as they may.
It's the convention of course;
A thief needs lust or need to drive his course;
In Equestria, there is no such source.

I gently light the lamps in the ceiling,
Don't want to be tripping;
I doubt our 'guest' would appreciate such a thing.
This place has always been too large for me;
Not that I'm complaining,
It's just that, now one more has a use, it's nice to see...

The door's hinges are well oiled,
So I wont be waking up Spike,
Fortunately it was on my checklist last night.
Those Dragons' Dreams leaves him a light sleeper;
When a dragon reaches adolescence, their instincts call to them;
Superficiality pulls them deeper;
It saddens me then when they get worse, he refuses to hold me nearer.
But it's that time of his life;
He'll pull through his strife of course.

Lighting the small fire in the bedroom for a gentle light; a serene night,
With it's blanketing warmth of not just heat...
I settle her down nicely;
Tuck her up tightly.
Her face is still utterly content;
A night well spent...

Now That The Tables Are Turned
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Contemplations

Now That The Tables Are Turned

Her foundations were clearly shook,
Glaring with a worried intensity; promising hidden depths.
Entirely: it was a quizzical look.
"W-where am I?
Did I die, and now you're here to torment me in damnation;
While I need some humility,
I doubt my actions warrant such a situation..."

Those sudden words struck me with surprise;
Leaving my only aghast mouth to hang low,
Brow furrowed at my perceived negative place,
More than the sudden dismissal of her arrogant ties, and self-fulfilling lies.

"I'm not here to taunt you, or plague your mind;
It was not my intention to belittle you, at any time.
I find only sympathy, should you want it or not;
It is well known to me, how little one is sought,
When they give friends not even a second-thought..."

She was clearly taken aback by this admission;
An apparition of wavering sympathetic emotion,
Flickering across her fast dwindling narcissistic condition.
Perhaps, she'll soon see hope as an acceptable notion...

"How did I get here; where have I been?
Considering how I feel presently:
Something troubling it would seem."

"I found you in the depths of the Everfree;
You were committed on 'ending it all', unfortunately.
Whilst you displayed some self-preserving ideals,
In the end, apparently they didn't appeal."

"I'm not sure if I remember it all; only time will tell,
But dwelling on it now: the situation is defiantly regrettable.
But when one is on the precipice, all good seems so forgettable..."

"I'll be here, just so you know;
I feel as though I'm partly responsible for this,
The seeds of regret clearly show.
If you'll allow me, I would call you a friend,
And I would never let go;
This mess I hope to mend."

The short declaration was enough to elicit a gleeful gasp of elation;
Inevitably she returned to slumber; totally, with a contented submission.
Her frail body too tired for such a situation.

Dawn Rises
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Contemplations

Dawn Rises

Oh, I feel terrible,
Absolutely horrible.
Letting her run off like that...
I saw something leave when she turned her back.
Not literally, but something else;
It was like she lost all confidence in herself.
Harrowed hollow;
Lonely sorrow.
I hope I find her before tomorrow...

The night is dark;
Atmosphere bleak,
Hopefully I'll find her if I seek.
Garner a peep?
No such hope;
The forest is deep into a lumbering sleep.
My hooves on the path,
I should keep.

Treading carefully,
Don't want to slip on something steep;
Land myself in a heap.
Leaves rustle, but the limbs are bare;
My mind grips at things that aren't there.
That I saw something, I could definitely swear...

The moonlight's gaze,
Allows me to quicken my pace.
The trees seem to move out of my way;
The air is still;
Yet they gently sway.
I feel the trees prying eyes,
Who knows where their loyalty truly lies?
All I know is that not accepting their boon,
Would aid in my demise;
Inevitable doom.

I prick my ears to what's up the way,
Cold-hearted whimpers from something with nothing left to say;
Does it forebode ill? It may...
The shallow words still pierce the air;
Only to speak a tale of despair.
Death lurks the area around that mare,
Urging her to end it all,
Should she dare.

All of a sudden her head jolts upwards;
The thousand yard stare piercing forwards.
Jumping up from her seat,
Her 'fate' she hastens to meet;
Without warning, she takes the leap.

"WAIT!" Too late?
I'm suddenly overly awake,
Jumping toward her wake;
All my weight pushing forward,
To the cliff edge I must make.

Time slowed down;
I sprint forward without a sound;
The forest waits on bated breath,
Willing me to catch her,
Before she hits the ground.

The cliff face I meet,
Before her free-fall is complete.
Good, I'm not too late...
No time to think, the ground draws nearer;
I illuminate the forest in magic's mystical light;
Pulling her from my sight.

She reappears by my side,
Her eyes shut, keeping in the tide.
Emotion gone; tears gone from the fray,
Only her mane sways;
The forest lets out a breath;
She is saved from her grief.
And on the ground she does lay,
Unconsciousness keeps her away.

Her breaths are shallow,
But she will live to see tomorrow.
Dare I get near her?
I feel as though she's almost like a petal.
Fragile, she might whither.
Or a pane of glass;
If I touch her, she might shatter across the grass.

I'll use my magic then...
Once more the forest is lit by my horn;
I lift her silently,
Careful not to wake her peaceful form.
Perhaps she has disregarded her painful thorn?

We turn our backs on the foreboding crack,
Robbed of it's life to sack.
The forests calm; wild air has returned,
It's whims are probably something we'll never learn...
Still... today's events require study in turn...

If anything, today's philosophy requires mention.
The short; fragile form of life deserves careful contemplation...

A Lesson Well Learned
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Contemplations

A Lesson Well Learned

Ah good, that message to Celestia is sent.
Surely she will be interested, on how last night was spent.
I caught a surprisingly fulfilling sleep;
Along with that lie-in I promised myself.
Perhaps I was sleeping a little too deep?
After all, I didn't hear a peep.

She still hasn't woken up...
I sent Spike to get her a breakfast though;
Hopefully she will awake peacefully,
Not too abrupt,
At her change of scenery.

I poke my head around the door shyly;
She hasn't roused,
Not even slightly...
This is a little worrying...
Perhaps I should consult my books;
Get a second opinion perhaps?

When I reach the sitting-room, I ask Spike for a letter to take.
I ought to send one to my friends as well,
Describing the events of late.
Maybe when they see her in such a vulnerable state,
They will be convinced, that she isn't full of hate...

...

Oh dude, what's that? I'm in the middle of a nap!
It must be urgent, if it appears like that...
YIPPIE! Party invite?!
Oh, oh no... that's not fun at all...
Tragedy! I better get over there right away!
First I'll feed Angel, then I'll be on my way.

...

According to these books,
Ponies need a comfortable environment; carers to assist.
So would me watching over her be for the best;
Did I cause this?
No, I didn't, but I can't help but feel some blame,
A deep, tearing shard of pain;
Terrible shame.

There's no choice until Red Heart arrives;
I'll care for her,
Even if her initial response might not be entirely kind...
Hopefully her façade of overbearing spice,
Is a disguise for a mare who's quite nice.

I take a seat by her bed,
To find that her cover has been moved.
From a kicking leg, or a failing limb perhaps;
What if the situation, triggered a relapse?!
Whether my efforts are for naught, we will soon see,
As she opens an eye; looks straight at me.