The King of Starbucks

Something was wrong. I don't know what but I knew it to be the truth. I couldn't tell if it was the air, the sounds echoing around me, or even my own body. It's just that something was telling me to get up from a rather uncomfortable rest and figure out what was the problem. However, as soon as I began waking up from my slumber. I discovered that I felt off. Different, somehow, and the feeling slowly began creeping up my spine, causing goosebumps to form upon my person.

Events began flashing back into my mind as I forced my eyes to open. The memories start when I first woke up last, followed by sounds, images, and all others senses that I've felt throughout the day. I know I got up in my apartment, ate breakfast, showered, drove to work, drove back home, cooked dinner, followed by a healthy dose of video games before I ran out of junk food. I remembered how annoyed I got for running out of cola and decided to walk to the convenience store just down the block. That's when things got worrisome.

I remembered getting my bounty after flirting with the cute cashier working the register. Her name was Sofia. I left her a tip. She gave me her number. Things were shaping up to be a good night. Well, until I realized I left my smartphone in my car.

On route to my Toyota Carola, I noticed someone following me. The person wore all black, had a bandana covering the lower half of his face, and a hood covering his head. I saw him staring at me in the reflection of a storefront window with a knife hidden in the pocket of his hoodie. I was a target, so I picked up my pace. And, unfortunately, so did he.

I made my way into my apartment complex's parking zone, hoping to reach my Carola and acquire my Colt-Comp-1911 from the glove box, but as the scene played out in my mind. That hope died the second I pulled out my keys.

Pain filled my person, followed by a fist connecting with the side of my face. There was no sound, no declaration of intentions, or even a simple warning. My stalker went straight for the kill, took my wallet while my body came to terms with the damage I sustained in the course of a few seconds. I looked up just in time to watch the asshole that stabbed me run off down an alley. I couldn't help but grunt in pain while I tried to get back up, but all my energy left my body.

Groaning in pain, I began crawling towards my car. My smartphone sat located inside, and I needed my cell to call an ambulance. Tears fell down my cheeks as I dragged my body towards the vehicle. Each second lasted for eons. My muscles became weaker the longer time passed. The mugger stabbed by lower back and it felt as though he attempted to disembowel me from behind. Must have been the reason nothing responded all that well.

When I reached the dark-blue car, I tried to prop myself up against the door. Keyword: Tried. I knew I reached the top and shakily shoved my keys into the door, but after that? It's a blur, nothing but shadows, followed by blinding white light, and a disembodied voice that sounded like John de Lancie. After that? Nothing. Just...darkness.

The darkness didn't last long. If I judged the amount of time I spent in the eternal void of absolute nothingness, then it felt like a few hours of sleep. But when I awoke from my involuntary slumber, everything felt wrong. My face felt elongated, my hands felt like numb stubs. Skin felt warmer than usual as if I was wearing a skin-tight suit of fur. Sounds were more pronounced, especially high-frequency noise, which was extremely weird since I had high-frequency deafness. Not only that but through my blurry vision. It appears that I have a near-perfect night vision. However, once my sight became clear, and I stared at the mirror-like wall in the cave that I woke up in. I saw the very reason for the strange sensations I'm experiencing.

Staring back at me was a dark-gray, muscular, pony. The pony in question had deep emerald eyes, epic mutton-chops, a long, slightly-curved horn, thick shoulder-length hair, facial scars, and wolf-like teeth. There was a white diamond in between his eyes, a triangle-shaped chunk missing from his left, husky-like dog ears, and his body—my God his body—was forged and tempered by the Smith Gods of Olympus with a face that could cream any virgin that gazed upon him with a single glance. Also, he was wearing a fur-lined red cape, silver gauntlets, a crown that would make Sauron jealous, and silver armor underneath his cape.

I was a Pony. A handsome Pony. A sexy Pony. A heavily armored wet-dream Pony. A fucking Pony! The very thing that Q said I would become! A FUCKING PONY!

"That fucking asshole couldn't let me die and made me a pawn in whatever his game he's playing. Well, guess what! I'm not playing!" I shouted with my new husky baritone voice to the heavens. "Thank you for saving my life, but the next time I see you. I'm jamming my brand new horse-cock down your fucking whore throat until you die of asphyxiation! You quantum cum-bucket piece of shit!"

With my rage made known, I took off all the clothes from my body before stumbling my way out of the cave. Sure it took me hours to take everything off due to the lack of fingers, and walking was nearly impossible, but I was on a mission! And that mission was to get as far away from the chessboard Q left me on. I will be no one's puppet! I'm a free man...Stallion? Colt? Whatever. And I'm going to play by my rules!

I made a mistake. I made a terrible, terrible mistake. I should have kept my cloak for the blizzard raging outside the cave I woke up in. I thought it wouldn't have been a problem cause I'm a pony, and ponies have fur, but after several miles of walking through the blizzard. I realized that my natural coat doesn't keep me warm for shit.

Now, I could have turned back around to grab my cloak. That would be the smart and rational thing to do. However, I'm a very pissed off Unicorn. Thus, my intelligence grabbed a shogun and committed suicide. That, and turning back around would be a death sentence anyway. I had to keep going, or my brand new life as a super hunky Unicorn will meet an abrupt and cold end.

So here I am, walking through a blizzard in the middle of nowhere, traveling to a city with a pink dome surrounding it. I struggled with the basic concept of walking, my body shivered uncontrollably in an effort to stay warm, and I'm hungry. The thought of food pushed me forever onward. Same with the idea of coffee, especially warm, creamy, medium-roast coffee with two cubes of sugar. My mouth salivated for the elixir of the Gods. I stumbled and fell on my face. The blood on my nose is proof of that, everything hurt, but still. I pushed on.

I thought about my current situation to keep my body going. If I didn't keep my mind active, then the coldness of the blizzard would take me in its icy embrace, and my new life would be over. And I had a lot of things to think about. For one: My body. It took me a few hours to go from falling on my face to a barely drunk hobble. Switching from a bipedal stance to a quadruped was a lot easier than I imagined, but I assumed the reason has to do with Q aiding in my learning processes. It wouldn't shock me too much if that was the case.

Another thing I thought about was the note left on my body. It gave me brief details about my new body, which number I am in his stupid game, as well as my new diet. In order; I am Number One, I'm an evil tyrant named King Sombra, and I can still eat meat while also being able to consume all the foods regular ponies eat. I'm somewhat happy that I can still eat meat, but not because I'M A FUCKING PONY!

I made my rage known before continuing my journey.

Out of all the things he had to transform me into, it was a PONY! A handsome one, but a PONY nonetheless! Not a Dragon, Furry, Dog, or even a Cat! No, a fucking PONY! WITH A CAPITAL 'P!' I fucking hate ponies! They are so dumb, stumpy, and something only rich spoiled brats would buy! They're literally bred to be overpriced pets! Screw you, Q! SCREW! YOU!

After struggling through the blizzard for a few hours, I finally made it to the pink dome. The second I passed through it, warmth washed over my body, relief filled my person, energizing my soul and giving me more strength to continue my journey. Though, as much as I wanted to take shelter in the crystal city located at the heart of the pink dome. That would be a horrible idea. My reasoning for my inability to trust the mysterious city came from the individual known as Q. He deliberately placed me here to be the dark evil overlord hell-bent on taking over the city and becoming the villain for whatever "hero" that would eventually show up to defeat me. I had to figure out how to get as far away from here as soon as possible. My brand new life depends on it. So, with those thoughts in mind, I began walking towards the city.

It's a shame I couldn't stay. The beautiful meadow outside the city limits was quite stunning. All the colorful flowers, the luscious grass, exotic plants, and animals would have made every national park back home look like a garbage dump. When light beamed down on the crystalline petals, they shimmered in all colors of the rainbow. The grass looked like an ocean of gleaming emeralds, and the animals I've seen had coats made of liquid glass.

This world was the definition of fantasy. Not that I had any problems with this world. I only wish I wasn't sent here against my will. My thoughts on the matter did bother me. Most of my journey from the cave to the city were spent thinking of my past, how I died, and how I'm coping with my new situation.

I'm a combination of miffed, shocked, angry, annoyed, and hungry. Miffed at the fact that I died to a mugger, shocked at everything, angry at Q, and annoyed because I'm a pony. And hungry, very, very hungry. These feelings are given in regards to my current situation. I bet most people would feel similarly, but not everyone has the same coping mechanism. And some might not be able to adapt at all and think everything is a dream, or a coma-induced hallucination, or drugs.

I cope the same way my brother does: By rationalizing and accepting myself and the environment. I think, therefore, I am. The pain and blood from tripping in the cave proved I'm not in a dream or coma, and the clarity and consistency of the environment showed I'm not on psychotropic drugs. Even the scar created by the mugger was on my body. That fucking bastard disemboweled me! With a fucking pocket knife! Anyway.

So, I knew everything was real, that I'm not brain-damaged, or on some mushroom-laced weed. I'd never do that again. Way too many Gilbert Gottfried-sounding talking trees that sang covers of every Queen song ever made...In acapella. Never. Again.

Am I sad? No, not really. Will I miss my family? Yes, I will. My brother disappeared a couple of years ago, and we never found him. Unfortunately, the same could be said for me now. Maybe Q kidnapped him as he did me? Hopefully, that isn't the case. If it was then...neither of us could go home, at least, not for long. The government wouldn't allow us to stay with our family for long cause' I doubt talking ponies would do well in modern society. I'll mourn when I have the time, but my family will feel the pain for far longer than I ever will. Many people back home call me heartless due to how I don't hold onto my emotions for long. However, all emotions that involve hate or anger last forever, and my rage is Eternal.

And Q will know my rage when I skull-fuck him to death until he dies.

It didn't take me long before I finally entered the city. I came up to a giant wall made of white quartz that surrounded the city, and a grand gate made of amethyst and topaz laid abandoned on the ground in front of its frame. Looking through the open frame, I saw what appeared to be a marketplace of sorts with a few darkly shaded ponies walking about. None took any notice of me standing dumbly at the opened gate as I peered into their city. Though, if they did, then they either didn't care or were too afraid of me to make their notice known. I'm going with the former. They looked extremely drained of all life. Walking deeper into the marketplace, however, caused a noticeable reaction. If all the ponies stopping in place or what they were doing to stare at me were any indication.

That's when things quickly began to deteriorate.

It happened so fast. First came the screaming, then the running, followed by destroying public property and the grabbing of children, just so the pony population could get away from a guy by the name of King Sombra. A.K.A: Me. I mean, I was the only one to enter the marketplace. Only a mentally retarded fish couldn't make that connection. Anyway.

So there I was, the evil King Sombra, back from the dead to enslave all the cute little ponies. If that didn't sound like a b-rated cartoon villain synopses, then I'm a mentally retarded fish. And want to know what a perfectly reasonable and sane individual would do in this situation? They would either try to dispell the fear of the populace or run away. Want to know what I did?

Well, I found the one pony that didn't run away from me in fear and cornered her into an opened kiosk...Like a rapist or something equally as horrible. I knew the pony I trapped was female by the fact she screamed like one and begged me not to rape her. I'm going to hell, aren't I? Whatever.

The mare in question had a snow-white coat, a platinum blond mane, and a butt-mark of a sword with a silver crystal blade, a crossguard made from a pair of wings, a diamond pommel, and the sword pointed upwards. It kinda' looked like my butt-mark, but mine was a dark-gray crystal heart inside an emerald-green beveled shield with a dark-gray outline. Also, there were two swords crisscrossed behind the shield, but there was an emerald for the pommel instead of a diamond, and the sword blades were black. After my brief observation of my soon-to-be willing hostage, I cleared my throat and introduced myself.

"Female! What's your name and work designation," I ordered the mare with my deep and sexy voice. The mare visibly winced at my request, her body shaking like a leaf in a tornado, and it looked like she was about to piss herself in fear. Did I mention the tears streaming down her cheeks? That to. 'My God it felt like kicking a puppy...that had no legs...or ears...or eyes...or a tail...with aids.'

"A-Angel B-Blade," she replied hesitantly. "Sergeant of-of t-the C-Crystal G-Guard, S-Sir."

'So she's a soldier. Good. She'll know things I'll need to get as far away from the city as possible. Now to make her my willing hostage.'

"Angel Blade?" I purred huskily. Next, I lifted her head with a hoof so that I could look into her stunning silver eyes, followed by softening my gaze. Once I had her fear-filled eyes looking into mine, I continued. "That's a beautiful name. A name perfect for the beautiful goddess standing before me."

The blush on her conflicted face confused me. Like, how does fur change color? It's FUR! Then again, I am in Magical Pony Land, inside a city made completely out of crystal, protected by a pink dome that magically makes it an endless summer within the dome. Nothing makes sense, and now I'm starting to see how irrational the world is! Calm down, take a breath, pretend physics still works, and freak out later. I have work to do.

I continued with my hunky questioning. I had places to be after all, and this crystal city isn't one of them, "So, Private Angel Blade. Can I ask for your assistance? Or shall I get a bit more...Physical with your wonderful body." The sound she made was akin to a squeaky toy getting crushed by a giant boulder, and her face turned completely red. Also, for some strange reason, her wings became fully erect. I gave her a little poke to check if she was alright. "Flop!" Nope, she fainted. "Oh well, I'll carry her for the time being. She'll, at least, make a decent hostage."

Picking up the unconscious mare up, (with my mouth, mind you), and placing her on my back. I made my way back through the marketplace looking for a way out of the city. I tried to find another pony to interrogate for directions, but the second they saw me. They instantly ran away, which was rather rude. I'm not Sombra, or whoever they thought I was. I even came up with a new name based on their naming sense to make myself more approachable. I mean, Shadow Heart isn't a horrible name, right? I'm going to be a very annoyed pony if it is.

"HOOO~OOONK!" Bellowed a loud horn in the distance, causing me to stop in my tracks.

There, in the distance, was a train in the shape of a cake. An ugly cake I might add. It slowly drove through the snow-covered landscape towards the crystal city. For what purpose? I don't know, but what I did know was that it became my ticket out of this God-forsaken city. I automatically made my way towards it.

"Huh, where am I?" spoke the body sleeping on my back. I didn't answer right away since I'm too focused on making sure no one on the train sees me coming. "What's going on? Where are you taking me?!" I winced when she shouted.

"You are my bride, Lady Angel Blade. Why wouldn't we elope to another land far away from this one?" I replied nonchalantly before leaving the safety of the weather dome. I felt her body freezing in horror at my words.

"B-Bride?!" and she fainted again. Good. With her back in dreamland, I picked up my pace. The train wasn't going to stay still for long, but judging the number of armed guards pouring out of the thing. There will be plenty of time to get on it.

I snaked my way around snow-dunes, through sudden bouts of blindness caused by the raging storm threatening to drown us in snow, and over a few hills. My urgency came in two forms; one is the fact that Q wanted me to be a forgettable villain, and the second involved my hostage. Frankly, that was a mistake on my part. I should have left her back in the city when the train showed up, but in my haste. I forgot to drop her. So now I have to take her with me or else she will die from hypothermia in the blizzard. I don't want that to happen. She doesn't deserve it. She has a long life waiting for her.

I supposed it's a good thing as well. With her help, willing or otherwise, I can adapt to my current position better. I don't know how my new body works, the state of the world, and having a friend would be nice. I hope Stockholm syndrome doesn't kick in too soon. If it does, I'm going to need an alibi. I began thinking of one as we came up to the side of an open car.

"W-What happened?" murmured the hostage on my back, but this time. I didn't allow her to continue her random questioning. I did this by throwing her onto the empty car that was, rather surprisingly, warm inside it. "Oof!" came out of her voice next, followed by, "Hey! What was that for?!"

I hopped onto the car with a grunt before I answered her, "Well, on the bright side. You are rather light, Love, even with your armor on. Speaking of which. Take it off."

She fainted once more.

"I'm so going to turn you into a proper housewife by the time we get to wherever this train is going," were my words before I began removing her armor with a slight struggle.

oOo - Cadence - oOo

Meanwhile, a pink Alicorn stared at the Crystal Empire with trepidation. She felt as though something was wrong with the entire situation, but she couldn't place a hoof on it. It's as if something was missing. The white stallion with a two-toned blue mane kissed her cheek to calm her down.

"It's alright Cadence. I'm sure we'll be fine. King Sombra won't be a problem for us," the stallion said reassuringly.

"It's not that, Shining," Cadence sighed. "There's something off about the Crystal Empire, but I don't what."

Shining looked towards the glowing city with a studious gaze, however. He couldn't see what Cadence was bothered about. Still, he gave his utmost support. "I'm sure we'll figure it out once we enter the city, Love. If not, then we can always ask for support."

"If you say so," Cadence sighed, shaking her head disbelievingly.