Chapters Cadance smiled. Coyly. Watching him as she always did with a faint grin tugging at her lips. Her husband was such a dork, but it made her happy to see him happy, and that's how she knew she loved him truly. Deeply. Dearly. Whatever it took to make him happy made her happy, and tonight that was Ogres and Oubliettes.
Across from her sat Shining Armor, the two separated by a country of cardboard filled with endless quests and counters. He looked adorable with his knitted brow and squinting eyes, peering at his character sheet with the most intense focus Cadance had ever seen from him. In the air, next to him he jostled a tiny leather bag filled with tiny wooden dice that made the loudest clacking sounds Cadance had ever heard. Every few moments or so he would quickly shoot a glance at her, searching eagerly for any hint to her plans. She was coy as usual, her smile unwavering. He would grumble, turn back to his sheet and idly move his character piece back and forth across the board.
"Do you have an answer for the witch's riddle?" she purred. His ears perked instantly and he stared at her stone faced and solemn. The intense scrutiny of his gaze however, was no match for whatever sinister machinations that danced about in her skull. He could not suss out any secrets, nor discern what she was playing at. She was aloof as ever, peering past him with the same coy grin she'd been wearing when they'd started playing. He was silent in his response, letting his gaze flicker back down to his character sheet.
"I would like to use my knowledge of spell craft to see if her riddle is magical," he said. Slowly. The words spilled from his lips with the speed of molasses from a jar. He tried to sound confident, but Cadance could hear the nervousness riding along his voice. She shook her head with that same maddening grin and sighed.
"I'm afraid you've already used that ability today. The ostrich problem? The one I let you re-roll?" she reminded him cheerfully. He returned to his character sheet with an audible growl. Who knew ostriches could be so troublesome. She smiled sweetly.
"Tick-Tock. The witch is waiting. Who will rescue the princess if you fail, oh great paladin of the realm? Oh brave, bold knight, you would not leave her to suffer, would you? The enchantress awaits your response," Cadance grinned. Had her smile gotten any wider it might have lopped the top of her head off. Shining sighed.
"Alright. I think the answer is...a...um...quill? They both have quills. That's why a raven is like a writing desk?" He asked as confidently as his wavering voice would allow. Cadance, to her credit, did not giggle at his response. She did not smile nor laugh nor even glance at him. She merely peered down at her own character sheet and with a telekinetic flick, tossed a single die across the board in front of them.
"The witch cackles," she said quietly. Shining winced.
"She is pleased that you answered her riddle incorrectly and now you must deal with the consequences of your failure. Please roll for me," Cadance purred. Shining Armor scowled.
"This isn't fa-"
"Roll for me,"
"I didn't get a chance to-"
"Roll for me,"
"Who on earth even came up with "Why a raven is like a writing desk?!"
"Roll for me,"
"That's not even a riddle anyway,"
"Roll for me,"
"That's just dumb,"
"Roll for me,"
Shining looked up at Cadance. The same coy grin. He stared at his character sheet and sighed. The leather pouch he had been jostling in his telekinetic grip twisted over (finally ) and numerous crimson, glossy dice spilled out onto the cardboard country between them. He stared. She stared.
"....Fffffffffffffffffffffffffff-"
"Now now!" Cadance said quickly, cutting Shining off from what was sure to be a pleasant journey to the land of expletives. "The witch waves her magic wand and you feel a strange shrinking sensation," Cadance crooned, watching in delight as the magic took effect. Slowly but surely, Shining Armor felt something tingly creeping into his frame. It started from his hooves, and worked it's way up his legs to his middle. It was warm, buzzing like electricity and all the while, Cadance's smile get wider and larger and larger and wider. Wider and wider still, becoming monumental in scope. In fact, Cadance herself seemed to be growing. Her pink frame dominating his vision, everything about her growing wildly out of proportion. If she didn't stop, she would break through the castle's roof!
"C-Cadance!?" He called. She did not reply, simply smiling her smug, smug grin and peering down at him from her mountainous height. It was then, Shining noticed the trees. The card board trees that now towered over him. The ones that had only been a few inches tall mere moments ago. They stood, stoic and flimsy as ever, but they were the size of normal trees, which meant...
"Now then." The sweetest voice he'd ever heard rumbled like thunder through the air. The massive princess smiled down at him, and promptly stood up.
"If you wish to return to your normal size and stature, you have a new quest. There is no gold to be had here, but the experience , will more than make up for it," Cadance giggled. She turned away and delicately sat back down, rolling onto her side, her massive, mighty hips obliterating numerous houses underneath their immense weight. Hips that currently were facing him. Hips and other areas of interest. He gulped. She grinned.
"You must scale the impossible heights of the Colossal Callipygian mountain, cross the dreaded Canyon of No Return, or find your way through The Divide of Divinity and transverse the Tremendous Treasure Trove to find the Pink Pearl of ultimate wisdom. Can you do it, brave bold knight? Your princess is waiting for you," she giggled.
Shining Armor's mouth dropped open. He had never been so happy with a critical fail in his life.
The Colossal Callipygian Mountain
The words came rushing back to him; racing through his memories to the forefront of his recollection, where they bounced and tumbled about in an endless echo in his skull. The pitch? Perfect. The syllables? Exact. The tone? Crystal. They were words Shining Armor had never, ever in his life wanted to hear. They scared him now as much as they did then, but his mind would not let him forget what she had said: "Shiny? Do you think my butt looks big?"
It was an unanswerable question. It was akin to asking what the sound of one hoof clapping was, or if a tree fell in a forest. There was nothing correct to say in response to such a fiendish inquiry; an accursed riddle Shining Armor thought he would never answer be able to answer in his life.
Until now.
Now, beholding the sheer amount of colossal ass looming before him, he had his answer. Now, staring into the white, snowy abyss of Cadance's clinging panties that swallowed up his vision and devoured his perception, he had his answer. Now, that he could see nothing but the monumental wall of rump that pilfered any resistance he might have had to the allure of Cadance's sweet pink behind, he unequivocally had his answer.
The. Ass. Was.FAT.
"Shiny?" Cadance purred, snapping the young knight free of his tushy-trance. He peered up at her with a greedy grin twisting over his features and she smiled coyly, giving her enormous rump an earth shaking wiggle that jostled the game board and shattered a nearby village.
"Weeeeell? Your quest has only just begun, good sir knight! The Colossal Callipygian mountain awaits!" she giggled, the crystal like chime of her laughter offset by the thunderous explosion of her rear when she lifted up and settled down in front of him once more with a powerful crash. Despite the destructive dimensions of her deadly derriere, Shining Armor found himself charging forward through plastic grass and cloth cardboard countryside. His legs were moving on their own, guided by both the pure love he held for his princess and the hardest erection he'd ever known in his life. One of which currently dominated the other, but he wasn't entirely sure which. He also did not care .
Shining Armor had never really considered himself an 'ass-stallion.' truth be told, his wife had a decidedly narrow little behind that never quite caught his attention. Her personality, spirit, and beautiful laugh captivated him and stole away with his heart, her body a distance third to his wanton passion for the alicorn princess. But now? Now the full bountiful panty-clad rump in front of him was all he could think about. It was all he'd ever wanted in life and all it would take to make him happy! He shot forward like a rocket, nearly tripping over his own hooves while his gaze remained locked on the alabaster flowers he found himself fixated on. The floral print that decorated Cadance's panties was an endless ivory garden that sang to him of pleasures beyond his imagination and pulled him like a magnet.
"A mountain is no match for the iron will of a paladin! I WILL concur its gargantuan size and claim its massive peaks!" Shining's tiny voice squeaked up into the room amplified by a gush of cerulean magic that carried his voice like a microphone. Momentarily, the impossible white wall of cotton shifted away from him and Cadance's face peered over her side, cheeks flushed a bright shade of rose.
"Gargantuan size?" she asked coyly. Shining grinned up at her and stretched his forelegs out to either side as if to attempt to indicate size. He was not shy about his response, mouthing "It's, fucking, HUGE" in a mock stage whisper and a barely restrained giggle of his own. Cadence's demure blush turned from a gentle tint of rose to an angry scarlet and she turned away with a faint shudder that jiggled her massive backside invitingly.
"W-Well then good sir knight...I do hope you're up for the challenge..." she purred. Shinning grinned, slowly approaching the fat globe pointed at him, and rested a hoof against the soft supple curve.
"Oh, I've claimed it before, I assure you, I will claim it again!" He called up, only to hear that beautiful chime of a giggle in response. Celestia how he loved this mare. He peered up at his daunting task, realizing, now that he was close enough, and the sky had turned to sheer snow, that he had a problem . The best problem in the world, perhaps, but a problem none the less. How on earth would he scale the beautiful behind before him? He bit his lower lip, unable to tear his eyes away from the flowery print while he wracked his brain for answers. Unsurprisingly, he was coming up with very little. Most of the blood in his brain had traveled elsewhere and it was proving to make this particular puzzle quite perplexing. Slowly, he took his time, wandering around the side of her rump. A journey he was sure might take him a full minute or so of walking.
He had the faintest trace of an idea. A smattering of a concept, really, but it was something he could build on. His lofty gait pulled him around the curve of her rump, towards her thigh where the material squeezed around her hips. Just where the cheek stopped and the thigh began, and the frilled boarder of her panties barred his entrance. He drew in closer, unable to avoid the scent of his wife. It was picking up. He knew that scent anywhere and he cherished it. It seemed she might have been just as eager to be explored as he was to explore her, and the idea forced a painfully wide smile across his lips. Wide and lustful. Oh, goodness yes, his cock was raging by this point, but it was something he could temper with the discipline of being a guard captain for several years.
With a herculean effort, Shining Armor's horn flashed and a powerful burst of magic tore from its point, clapping against the panties and tugging the fabric back with a strength proportional to Shining's twitching arousal. An effort that awarded him momentary passage into paradise. He had managed to tug the panties out. Just far enough for him to breach the cotton defenses, but breach them he did: He was in.
The Dreaded Canyon of No Return
Gaining access to the mountain itself, while tricky, was not ultimately insurmountable. Scaling the impossible scope of the rolling pink hills, however, was proving to be far more complicated than it had first appeared. Shining Armor sighed, pausing in his journey to take in his situation. The looming colossus of pink was as intimidating as it was inviting, and it brought to mind fantasies he'd never known. Oh, what he would give to spend his days roaming the rounded pink sphere that vanished into the horizon. To ascend and descend the miraculous wonders of his wife's behind like some sort of magical ass-sherpa who had long honed their skill from numerous climbing sessions across the plump plush posterior.
The young prince groaned and shook the captivating thoughts from his mind. His fantasies got weird when he was drunk on arousal. He let his back rest across the silky sheet of her panties, and buried his face in the downy fuzz presented to him. She smelled like heaven and felt like velvet and now cheek to cheek, Shining found himself whittling his options down to pragmatic solutions. Magic, of course, was first and foremost in his choices. Some sort of climbing spell might be nice. Oh, if only Twilight were here, she'd be able to come up with an idea instantly. Some perfect ingenious plan to- His thoughts came to a screeching halt as that concept sunk in. If only his sister were here to help him come up with a spell to climb the monolithic mountain of his wife's pink behind while they were only a scant few inches tall and he was sporting the hardest erection of his life.
He made a mental note to visit the castle's psychiatrist tomorrow.
His cock throbbed, as if to remind him of matters at hoof and he peered up at the giant pink posterior. Something sticky on his hooves so he could walk up? Oh, he could think of several ways to get his hooves sticky right now, but no. Some sort of magic ladder? No. A grappling hook? No. Gravity Spell? He paused. Now there was an idea. He could use a spell to reverse his gravity for a few short seconds. Just long enough for him to get over the thickest parts of her rump and make his way towards her treasure trove. That would be the easiest way to go about things, at least, that's what his lust addled brain was telling him. He squeezed his eyes closed, and thrust his horn into the air, doing his best to focus on spells. The glyphs required for casting, however, came to him in a jumbled, garbled mess of symbols. He groaned, leaning against the silky wall behind him and cast his head back, drawing into a deep lungful of his wife's scent. He was entirely too aroused to focus clearly and would need to come up with something else if he wanted to scale his wife's thick bottom. Behind him, the wall shifted suddenly, and it felt like the world decided to turn itself over, flipping around so Shining landing atop his belly on soft pink plushness.
The white unicorn gave a low moan, his entire front side now sinking into Cadance's rump, including his throbbing erection, which slid through the deliciously soft fuzz of her bottom and left a messy trail of clear, thick pre.
His beautiful wife had rolled over onto her belly taking him with her. Well, that solved one problem at least. He lifted his head, regretfully pulling himself onto his hooves, and surveyed the unending landscape. A world of infinite pink that only stopped when it dipped into what appeared to be a bottomless pit. A canyon of no return, one might call it. The canyon that lay ahead of him, perfectly carved from the rolling expanse of pink slopes, was vast and unforgiving. A place of both longing and misery that Shining Armor had fallen victim to it before. Oh, yes, he'd fallen victim to it time and time again. It was one of Cadance's most powerful weapons in her arsenal, and she derived a sinister glee from deploying it without warning on her unsuspecting husband. Too many times had Shining been dead to the world after a long day of drills and training after making sure the castle was in excellent condition to defend from the Empire's enemies, after crafting new and improved defenses against what few changelings remained that followed Crysalis's rule, and after beefing up defenses against the most powerful of sorcerers. He would trudge up the stairs, barely able to lift his hooves, and with the last of his energy, he'd crawl into bed. She'd strike then, when he was at his weakest. When he was vulnerable and defenseless. Cadance would climb into bed with him, and settle herself down atop him without a word, rocking her magnificent behind in slow, sensual rolls across his hips. In short order he would be painfully erect and even shorter still, he'd find his length lost in the warm cleft of her grinding rump, hugged like a hay dog in buns. She'd grind and gyrate, grinning down at him and the whimpers that bubbled up from his throat. She'd rock and ride, waiting until he was juuuuuust on the cusp of a geyser of desire before she would stop and leave him trapped there. Pinned under her weight with his cock trapped in the warm vice of her rump. It was sheer cruelty in its finest, and there was no escaping her as tired as Shining was. He was forced to sit and watch that perfectly round ass roll and tease him, tormenting him to a turgid state only to wait once more for the excitement to dissipate, only to do it again and again and again, pulling her hips back just far enough so the broad tip of his cock brushed against the soft entrance of her puffy pink sex, then pull away at the last second. When she finally had her fill of torturing her poor husband, when she finally had him worked up into a frothy furious frenzy of lust, she'd cock her hips just so, and he'd explode into a gush of heated need, splashing his adoration for her all over her pink perky cheeks. He utterly soaked her rump in blasts of sticky cum, and with that Cadance would climb into bed next to him and cuddle him to sleep, while Shining tried to figure out if he was unconscious or dead.
Shining armor groaned, his cock giving another throb, the sensation of just looking into Cadance's deep ravine causing a needy pulse. Before Shining could figure out exactly how he was going to cross, or if he even wanted to, the world shuddered with a trembling quake of a giggle.
"Mhmmm...Let's see...Gonna need you to roll for me, honey!" Cadance called out in a sing-song voice. What the absolute hell ?
Shining frowned. Roll for her? What on earth was the crazy mare on about? How could he possibly 'roll' for her when he was only a couple of scant inches tall!?' The dice were taller than he was! And roll for what?!
"What do you mean, roll?!" He barked, his voice muffled under the gleaming white panties.
"What was that? I'm sorry sweetie, I can't quite hear you back there. Did you ask me to roll for you? Well, I suppose I could. Hooooooold on..." Cadance called. Faintly, Shining Armor caught the sound of wood clattering against the floor. His gigantic wife had gone completely bananas.
"Oopsies. That's another natural one. Tough luck, Shiny, I'm ever so sorry!" Cadance sang-giggled. She was not sorry. Shining could tell.
"What in Equestria are you talking abo-" Shining Armor began to ask, only to find his voice cut off by the trembling rumble beneath him. Cadance rolled her hips back and forth, her behind wobbling furiously with her motions. It only last for a few moments though, before Cadance lost herself to fiendish giggles.
"Bet you wish you put more points into 'Climb' now, huh?" Cadance giggled. She perked her ears and winced when she didn't receive a reply. It only took a few moments after that for her to realize her husband was gone.
Detour: The Divide of Divinity
Where was he? Shining Armor gave a weak groan of frustration and tried to force his eyes to cut through the overwhelming darkness that had suddenly washed over him. He sighed and tried to sit up. Or, at least, climb to his hooves. Wherever they were.
Above him? Below him? He felt scrunched between two walls. Crushed. By a loving and inviting warmth molding around his frame, hugging his shape. Even if all was dark and him disoriented, it only took him a moment to realize what had happened.
Cadance's butt. He was trapped in his wife's behind, the jumble of her powerful cheeks had sent him tumbling into her dark divide and that's where he lay now. Helplessly captured between two sweet-smelling globes of feminine sensuality, Shining Armor couldn't pry the smile from his lips. If this was the path to heaven, then so be it, he would march along it happily!
He glanced up, then down, frowning. Which way to go? Which way was up? Which way possessed the treasure he desperately seeked? Still disoriented, Shining’s military training started kicking in. The idea surged through the fog of lust.
He would spit.
That made sense. Gravity taking the reigns and determining which way was down— then work his way up from there. Training Captain’s advice. In the event of a rock slide or avalanche, guards were instructed to spit when disoriented, letting gravity discern which way was down.
He could do that. He would do that.
But the real question was: would Cadance like that? If he spit on her rump? Angrily snorting, Shining shook the idea from mind. Might as well pull her hair and ravage her from behind at that point, growling lewd, terrible things into her perked pink ear while stretching her sweet little pussy wickedly wide around his immense erection. Wait, would she be into that? She wasn't that kind of mare...was she? Would that be okay? Is that what he wanted? To take her roughly and make her squeal his name? To hold her down and drive his raging cock into one of her gripping holes and savagely rut her like she were made for it? By Celestia, he was horny. His cock violently throbbed as a gush of pre splashed forth, coating the pink fuzz before it.
Later. He'd ask her later. He was getting off track and he still had a quest to accomplish. A quest he very, very much wanted to accomplish. For now, he needed to start working his way out of the narrow halls of her pink paradise.
He drew in a deep breath, paused, and frowned. If he spit, how would he know which direction it traveled in? It was particularly dark in the fragrant canyon, and he had no source of light. Another problem. Would Cadance mind if he lit a torch?
She probably would, if he had to guess. Yeah, no. The answer was no. She wouldn't like that. Not even a little bit. Fire was not his friend in this situation and that would be a direct ticket to sleeping on the couch for at least a month. But what could help him get out of this deep, inviting hole he found himself in. This deliciously alluring crack of a trap that wouldn't let him go.
His cock gave another needy throb and he groaned. No, he didn't have fire, but he could cast a spell. He could cast a light spell. He was a unicorn, after all. A very, very, ridiculously horny unicorn that wasn't thinking clearly.
He shifted his frame, forcing his horn into the air, where the tip glimmered brightly glowing with what little concentration Shining could muster. Yes. Pink softness surrounded him from either side. He was lost in her rump and all around him, the heedy scent of her arousal washed over him mercilessly. His cock throbbed yet again, as if to remind him of his urgent need to copulate. He scowled. Soon! There was something above him that resembled light. White daylight. Her panties. That's what he wanted, right? The scent was stronger there, wasn't it? Is that where he was headed, or was it down into the depths of her darkness where her treasure lay waiting for him?
From inside the narrow hall, everything looked the same. All paths, left and right, up and down, crushed around him mercilessly in unending warmth and sensual softness that punted his common sense across the cardboard country where he'd began this insane adventure. By Celestia above, what was he thinking? The answer was in front of him! Well, more accurately, directly below him. Throbbing. He closed his eyes, letting his nose guide him. He knew where he wanted to go, and more importantly, his cock could point the way. Below him. The scent was coming from below him. It was stronger that way.
A misty path of musk that lead directly to Cadance's forbidden, secret garden, and the wonderful treasure trove Shining Armor sought. He kicked his legs, swimming through the soft clenching barrier of Cadance's tight rump and worked his way towards her sex, the delectable fragrance wrapping around him like a hug at this point.
Closer! He was getting closer! He could smell it! He could feel it! The walls seemed to be getting damper, and the scent was saturating him now, tugging him forward like his cock was on a leash and leading him directly into the warm he so desperately craved. Once he got there —Celestia have mercy— It’d be time to teach his wife a lesson.
He was going to climb into that beautiful cavern of pink and find that perky pearl of hers and tease it non-stop, until the rattling echo of her screams reached his ears. He would not let her orgasm. He would not bring her to a climax. He would stay there for days , tormenting her for hours at a time, nourishing himself with her juices and drinking his fill of her passionate cries for mercy, until finally, finally, he would bring her to her desperate climax and ride the wave of euphoria out of her clenching tunnel.
He would enlarge himself, and tower over her, where she would be too weak to stand, and he would bury himself to the hilt and listen to her squeal. Then he would— Shining yelped, the rosey walls around him suddenly trembling, snapping him from his thoughts and plunging him deeper into her darkness.
What was going on?! Was she trying to shake him loose? To dislodge him? It felt different than the last time though. Almost as if the world itself were spinning around, and tumbling forward? Was Cadance moving? Was she shouting? The walls quivered and trembled, as if her whole body were quaking under her motions.
She was saying something, that was for sure. Shouting at somepony outside of Shining Armor's scope of awareness. Had some pony else entered the room with them? They had given specific instructions to the castle not to be disturbed.
The guards knew better than to interrupt their...'game' nights, so who could she be talking with? Did it even matter? It certainly did not. Shining had more pressing matters to attend to, as he lost his footing, and started to sink deeper and deeper into the hot crevice below.
