The Anti-Brony Chronicles

About 20 minutes after running into the shadowy forests, I sat down on a fallen tree and caught my breath. I was safe for a little while longer, and I managed to grab 2 more gadgets, since my pistol was jammed and my assault rifle's mag was empty. Now that I had a chance, I unjammed my pistol and reloaded both guns, keeping the empty cartridges in case I needed them later. I took a look at what I had left in my bag. A flare gun with 4 flares, 5 more pistol mags, 10 more assault rifle mags, 2 smoke grenades, a sleeping gas grenade, and my EED. The two gadgets I grabbed were my wrist pistol, a type of gauntlet that can fire darts, and my lazer pen. The pen can burn through most materials, like concrete and steel, up to a thickness of about 6 feet.

I packed up my things and kicked back. I could finally relax. I searched my pockets to see what was in them. Let's see....

138 bits, an old Wal-Mart receipt, a phone number I forgot, and an old candy bar. At least I wouldn't starve. I pulled the candy bar out. Crispy Crunch. Okay I guess I was gonna starve. I tossed the candy bar aside and groaned. I was getting pretty hungry, and since my disquise was ruined, I had to stay on Earth. But that was hard, because the Mane 6 are here and are looking for me. I finally built up the courage to go back and find a store. I stuck mostly to the back alleys and behind buildings. I leaped through yards and over rooftops. Finally, I dropped back down in front of the local gas station. I smiled and triumphantly pushed open the door and-

"FREEZE! WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED!"

God dammit.

So there I was, strapped down to a big steel table, the Mane 6 staring down at me. I just growled at them. Then, as if I didn't see this coming, Twilight started to read me the crimes I had committed.

"You're under arrest for assaulting the Equestrian Royal Guard, possession of illegal firearms, conspiracy against Princess Celestia, and being an Anti Brony. How do you plead?"
"What the hell does it matter? If I plead guilty, I'm screwed. If I plead not guilty, I'm still screwed. You're not the one strapped to a table!"

Applejack nodded.

"It WAS kind of a pointless question, sugarcube."
"Oh....Right."
"So let's get on with it, huh? I'd rather be anywhere than in the same room as you dorks."

Rainbow Dash had to be held back by Fluttershy and Applejack to make sure she wouldn't kill me.

"COME ON! LEMME AT HIM!"
"Just calm down, Rainbow!"

I just rolled my eyes. Twilight stood near the head of the table, and she appeared upside down in my view.

"Alright. As punishment, I will turn you into an Brony and erase your memory, therefore you will never know that you were ever an Anti."
"Yeah, I have a better plan."

Then I rammed my head into her's and she staggered back. I slipped my right hand out of the metal cuff that was binding it to the table, and before RD and Applejack could pin me down again, I punched them both away. I then undid my other hand. Twilight got back up and went to use her magic, but I flicked her horn and she staggered, letting me get in another punch. Pinkie pounced me and growled, but I gave her a simple shove and she tumbled off the table. I undid my ankles and then started to work on my waist. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash then pounced, but I kicked them back. It was hard fighting on your back while strapped down by your waist, but I was managing. Finally, I undid my waist and rolled off the table. Then caught Applejack when she tried to tackle me, and threw her at Rarity. I then kicked open the door and ran back out, leaving behind an empty table, and 6 very dazed ponies.

I grabbed my backpack from the evidence chest and kept running toward the door, this time grabbing a shotgun from a wall rack. I shot the hinges and doorknob, then kicked the door down and ditched the shotgun. Finally I leaped through the window and fell 100 ft down a mountainside. I watched as I fell towards a large lake below me. I straightened my body and dove into the water. I swam to shore, only to find the Mane 6 waiting for me.

"What?! But- I- You-"
"I can teleport, remember? I just teleported myself and my friends down here."

Before I could say anything else, I felt a rope wrap around my wrists, then my feet. They tugged and I was suspended in mid air from the sheer tug of the ropes. Twilight just skipped the whole talking phase, then got the spell ready. I watched as the lavender mare approached me. This was just getting annoying. I grabbed the ropes around my wrists, then pulled as hard as I could, and swung Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy into one another, freeing my hands, then I undid the ropes on my feet, making Rarity and Applejack fly backwards. Twilight caught on, and charged me, horn down, magic on. I didn't have enough time to react. I was rammed onto my back and had my hands against her head, pushing back against her as she tried to just touch my face with her horn. Beads of sweat developed on my face. They were SO CLOSE. Her horn was literally onto a few eighths of an inch away from contact, and was slowly getting closer.

I then twisted her head to one side and she tumbled in that direction. I stood up and watched them surround me. Suddenly, I shouted,

"WAAAAIIIIIIIT!!"

The ponies stopped their advance. I just panted and caught my breath.

"What is the matter with you? Look at you! You strapped me to a table! You tied me with ropes! Hell, Princess Celestia pretty much broke my entire face until you healed it! Have you no sympathy? I mean, it's hard enough on me as it is without 6 crazy ponies chasing me."

The ponies looked at each other, looking a little ashamed.

"Seriously! I mean, you can still chase me and all, but can you at least give me a chance? I don't even have a roof over my head! I'm starving! I haven't eaten in 2 days! I've been drinking from lakes and puddles!"

Twilight finally said,

"Okay! Okay! We'll give you ONE day. ONE. We'll let you rest, eat, and drink clean water in your own house. But after that day, expect us to stop by."

I finally sat down.

"Ya know something Twilight? I hate you. Like REALLY hate you. But I'm glad to see that you actually have some sympathy in that heart of yours."
"Don't expect this again."
"Understood."

I ran back home to get some rest, food and water, and started to build a defence system. Meanwhile, the other ponies looked at Twilight like she was nuts.

"You just let him walk away?! We had him Twilight!"
"Oh come on, Rainbow. He just needs some R and R. But don't worry. I have a plan of my own."
"What is it?"
"Gather round, girls. We're going hunting."