“Spiiike!!!”
“What!? Twi, I’m right here.”
“Spike, do you know what this is?!” Twilight holds up the latest issue of ‘P Entertainment Magazine’ to Spike.
“Uh, a magazine. And a very unusual one for you. I just don’t see you as the type to really care for celebrities’ lives.”
“I know. Which is why I’m going to the post office to send a letter to their publisher to STOP SENDING ME THESE!!!!!”
Spike is completely blown away at Twilight’s recent burst of anger.
Twilight takes a calm, deep breath. “Sorry but it’s just, they’ve been sending me issues after issues for five years now and, it’s time to stop.”
“Okay... well see you later then.” Spike just walks away from the conversation, walking to anywhere but here.
“Well, guess it’s just me...” Twilight brings up a small rock, on it being two googling eyes and a small paper hat on its top. “And you Senor Captain Road.”
“Sure thing Twilight.”
***
“So, you come here often?”
“Uh Rainbow. I work here.”
“I know. It’s just... oh never mind. I’m out!” And just like that, Rainbow Dash flies straight out of Sugarcube Corner.
“Huh, that’s weird. And usually I’m the weird one.” Pinkie just strugs at that before getting back to work.
***
Big Mac is hiding in the bushes, taking his head out to see his girlfriend, Sugar Belle, standing in line at the cherry stand.
“Uh Big Mac. What are you doing?” Spike asks the big red pony.
“Spike. What are you doing here?” Big Mac asks as he surprisingly sees his dragon friend hiding in the bushes as well.
“Me? Oh, this time everyday Rarity goes to meet Sunburst at...” Spike takes his head out, Big Mac following as Spike points his claw over to a table outside of a restaurant. “That exact table. Everyday.”
“Oh.”
“Well now you know why I’m here. Now, why are you here?”
“Because. Because... I’m bored.”
“Well that was anticlimactic.”
***
“Auntie Orange... will you marry me?”
“Hon, we’ve been married for almost fifty years. And why you calling me ‘auntie’? Only our nieces and nephews can call me that.”
“Oh, that’s right.” Uncle Orange happily tosses the wedding ring out the window, the ring landing in some poor pony’s potato salad.
***
“Hello, is this Super Duper Pizza? I would like to place an order.” Grogar says as he talks into his weird ball-eye-thingy orb that lets him see all of Equestria.
“Yes sir! Would you like to hear about our specials!” The southern accent female pizza employee says enthused through his orb.
“Thanks but pass. I would like one large cheese pizza, thick crust, and I mean extra thick. Oh and a two-liter of diet root beer.”
“Alright, got everything. Any toppings? ‘Cause we’re havin’ a buy two, get two free for all toppings!”
“Hmmmm. Alright I’ll bite. I’ll like anchovies, chicken, fried rice and pineapple.” Grogar especially saying the pineapple part all menacingly.
“Alright! That’ll be 21.99 bits. Oh and remember, if it isn’t delivered in under thirty minutes, it’s on us!”
“Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My fortress of evil has been hidden from ponykind for hundreds of years. No pony practically knows it even exist.”
Grogar puts on an evil smile, basking in his evilness as how he won’t have to pay for his pizza because his hideout is way out.
Until the sound of a doorbell ring interrupts his thoughts.
Grogar walks over to the entrance of his place to see a pony dressed in pizza delivery attire, holding a pizza box.
“Wha... why, no, how did you find my evil hideout!!”
“Look, mista, I ain’t here for small talk. Just give me the dough and I’ll leave.”
Grogar lets out an angry grunt, taking his hoof to his chest to make appear twenty-one point ninety nine bits, handing them over to the pony, him giving his pizza to Grogar.
“Thank you for your patronage.” The pony puts on a cheesy smile before Grogar uses his power to send him back to where he came from.
“Huh.... well, time to eat.”
***
“Up next, another episode of Frasier!” The pony on the TV says enthusiastically as the Frasier's theme starts to play.
Rainbow Dash is sitting on her couch in the dark, the only light coming from the TV.
Slouching down and looking bored, Rainbow uses her wing to retrieve the remote, taking it to channel flip to see if there’s anything else good on.
After five minutes of channel chasing, Rainbow finds the perfect show, a smile coming to her face.
“LADIES AND GENTERCOLTS, WELCOME TO THE PWF, THE PONY WRESTLING FEDERATION!!!!!!!!”
***
The doorbell rings, Fluttershy going over to find that on the other side is a smiling pony, wearing a black tie and holding up a black book with a golden cross on it.
“Hello! My name is Elder Price. And I would like to share with you this most amazing book.”
Fluttershy puts on a smile for him, then motioning her hoof for him to come in.
(One Hour Later)
“Well, I think you can say, I’m interested.”
***
Sunburst and Rarity, after their daily luncheon, both went over to the boutique.
Rarity had told Sunburst that she would like to fix up his cloak. (That’s it probably.)
As they both walk in, Sunburst takes off his cloak, levitating it over to where all the ‘stitching magic’ happens.
“My my, you didn’t tell me you were stripping down.. just for me.” Rarity says as she flutters her eyelashes at him, Sunburst blushing a deep red, also getting hard somewhere else in his ‘private area’.
The two ponies both run to each other, grabbing each other tightly as the two of them start making out.
As the two are busy making love, Spike and Big Mac are busy too, looking at the two of them through one of the shop’s front windows.
“So you do this everyday?” Big Mac asks the dragon.
“Yeah basically.”
Watching the two of them make love with one another causes something in Big Mac’s ‘private area’ to get more bigger, more harder.
“Uh Spike, I need to go find Sugar Belle... now.” And just like that Big Mac runs for the hills, looking for his girlfriend.
***
“Phew. That took longer than expected.” Twilight says while exiting the post office.
Twilight just sent in a long, twenty five thousand word letter that may or may not contain some profane/inappropriate words.
“Now that that’s over, what should I do next?”
Twilight looks around town to see many things going on.
Like Snips and Snails counting every last speck of dirt in Ponyville.
Or Lyra and Sweetie Drops having a friendly conversation about rocks and the values they bring to an ecosystem consisting entirely of marsh landscapes.
There’s also Trixie, who’s in line at the flour stand.
Seeing her brings a smile to Twilight’s face, Trixie noticing her as she walks closer to her.
“Well hello. What brings you here?”
“Oh nothing. Just had to do some personal things. How are you?”
“Fine fine. I just need some flour for the cake I’m making for Maud and Mudbriar’s party. Starlight agreed to help but I guess someponies have more “internal” affairs to take care of.” Trixie moves closer to Twilight, whispering in her ear: “I think she’s still mad after finding out about how her dad is gonna marry Sunburst’s mom.”
“Oh.”
“Next.” The clerkspony says.
“Well I’ll leave you be. See you later, maybe.”
“Okay.”
Twilight walks away from Trixie to the center of town, looking at how unusually busy it is this time of day.
Then Twilight notices a pony she’s never seen before.
The pony being a gray colored unicorn stallion, wearing a black hoodie sweatshirt with a FOX racing logo on it, having a snapback cap on backwards, the hat having a Monster Energy logo on it.
Mane and tail color orange and cutie mark of a dirt bike. (Oh and also just happening to levitate a can of Monster Energy.)
Twilight walks over by him, a welcoming smile on her face.
“Hello there! You must be new-“
“Sorry miss but um, you're not exactly my type. Ya feel me?”
“Type?”
“Riiiight. Listen, name’s Kyle, by the way, and I like girls who are more... athletic?”
Twilight and Kyle stare at each other a few minutes.
“So, um, back to my original question. Are you new here?”
“New here? Nah. Been born here my entire life. Well, at least for most of it. My mom moved here after the divorce. Just so happened to win custody of me as well so... that’s two good things.”
“And how are those two good things? Your parents must be miserable without each other.”
“Meh. Dad was an abusive alcoholic. Mom is as you say, a cinnamon roll. Only married him ‘caused he forced her to.
Twilight looks at him with a blank stare, still trying to process everything.
“You okay? I can make arrangements if you want. We could “do it” right now. Even though you aren’t my type doesn’t mean that I still can’t enjoy it.” Kyle takes a chug of his energy drink.
“Look, listen, you seem nice and all but I’ve got... super important plans I need to attend to. And they require me. To leave you.” Twilight gives a weak smile.
“Uh huh. And where should I go exactly?”
“Oh I don’t know. Why not storm Area 57?” Twilight says sarcastically before walking away.
As Twilight is out of earshot, Kyle thinks to himself deeply: “Storm Area 57 eh...? Challenge accepted.” Kyle takes one last chug of Monster Energy before heading off to the train station.
Of everything that Kyle has done, this was at the top of his list of ‘Stupid Stuff Mom Told Me Not To Do But I Did Anyway’.
This stunt alone topping all those times that he’d crash his dirt bike when trying to jump anything from pools with actual sharks in them to parked wagons.
Heck, this stunt alone topped all the drywall he punched.
What Kyle did was try to storm Area 57, and I guess according to Equestrian law, breaking into a government operation is a punishable offense that can lead to death.
Kyle found himself inside a small interrogation room, rope tied to a chair.
“Hey come on now... let me go!”
Just then the door opens, a pony dressed in scientific attire (all while having light blue spiked hair) enters in.
“Son, do you know what you’ve just done?”
“Um... yes! Also, buck you! If you were drywall, I’d punched you already.”
The scientific pony goes to sit on the chair across from him.
“And... you are here why?”
“Pfffft. Ask Princess Twilight that. She convinced me to come.”
“Princess Twilight?” Out of nowhere the pony moves his hoof to his face, and with one strong pull he removes his face, which is a mask, revealing that Discord was disguised as the pony.
“Why didn’t you say so?!” Discord shouts happily as with one stomp of his hooves, the two creatures teleport right out of the room.
Right as they're both teleported out, another pony walks into the room, a look of disgust on his face.
“Really. Why do we allow Discord in here again?”
***
“Okay. This, is so not cool.”
Discord has seemed to, with just a snap, teleported them both to the moon.
Kyle having an air bubble around his head. Discord having the same.
“Oh come now. Princess Twilight said for you to storm Area 57. So what’s the matter?”
“You know, I’m starting to think she was being sarcastic.”
Discord smiles mischievously. Looking like his old self for a second.
Right as Discord opens his mouth to speak, out of nowhere, not even out of left field appears the starship Enterprise.
Then right in front of them both appear the starship’s captain, beaming down onto the surface.
“Q? Is that you. Get out of that ridiculous getup and get back on board. We’ve got a mission, remember?”
“Oh fine.” With a snap Discord appears looking more like his Star Trek counterpart, Q. “But you so owe me for this.”
Then just like that, the two are beamed back up to the Enterprise, the ship taking off as soon as they’re boarded.
And that leaves only Kyle. Left alone on the moon.
“Uh... what just happened?”
***
Off in the distance, there’s appears a landing craft.
Outside of it being two astronauts, one looking to be planting a flag, the other looking around the whole surface of the moon, gasping in shock at what he sees.
Until a little while later does the same astronaut see what looks like a pony, being fully clothed and having on an air bubble, appearing to be walking over to them both.
“Uh Houston?”
“Yeah.”
“There appears to be signs of life.”
“Signs of life? Well so much for the moon being uninhabited. Come back down to Earth and we’ll just shoot the whole thing in a studio. Order out.”
And so the two astronauts went back into their landing craft, then taking off in it back to Earth.
“Okay. Guess I’m stuck here. For awhile.” Kyle says to himself.
“So uh, you come here often too?” Kyle looks to his left to see Princess Luna standing by him, smiling big.
Author's Note
Since it’s the 50th anniversary, I just had to include the moon landing.
Plus Princess Luna ‘cause... of course.