Your Family and You

-A few days later…

At first, I wasn’t sure what it was that woke me. I hadn’t been having a nightmare, and everything seemed quiet enough. After a few seconds of laying there though, I noticed a faint light was on somewhere in the room.

God damn it. Was it really morning already? It felt like I had literally just closed my eyes just minutes earlier. Why must sleep be so cruel to me? Before I could start my grumbling and whinging about the sun too much, I realized the source of the light wasn’t coming from the window, but instead from the far wall of the room.

As I mused about this strange fact, the sound of pages being turned reached my ears.

Beside me, Twilight stirred as well.

“Wassat?” she mumbled.

“It’s your turn to deal with the strangeness,” I mumbled as I snuggled further beneath the blankets.

“It’s always my turn,” she grumbled back before sitting up. She looked around for a moment before tsking softly. “Spike, you really need to go to sleep!”

“Aww,” came a dejected whine from the far side of the room. “Two more minutes, Twilight!” There was a shuffle of blankets followed by the soft patter of little feetsies on the wooden floor before the voice continued from the foot of our bed. “I’m just getting to the really good part! The Mane-iac is about to—”

“The Mane-iac?” Twilight asked.

“Make the noise stop,” I huffed. Grabbing the sheets, I started to roll over so that the light wasn’t shining on my closed eyes anymore, but before I could pull the blankets with me, something thumped down onto the mattress. A very excited baby dragon bounced up and down on the mattress, waving a comic book about.

“The Power Ponies’ most evil nemesis!” Spike gushed, thrusting the comic book out so Twilight could see the pictures. “She was the power-mad owner of a hair-care product company. A tragic accident at her shampoo factory in Maretropolis not only gave her mane strange new powers but also caused her to go completely insane! She and her henchponies are planning to break into the Maretropolis Museum and steal the Electro-Orb, so she can use it to power up her doomsday device! Of course, the Mane-iac wouldn’t have even known if Hum Drum hadn’t slipped up and told her all about it.”

“The noise is still going,” I groaned. “Make it stooop.”

Twilight was silent a moment before asking. “Hum Drum?”

“Nooo,” I whined weakly. “Don’t encourage him. Silence him. Silence the non-sleeper.”

“Nah, the guy in the blue boots and pointless red cape,” Spike answered, pointing at the comic. “The Power Ponies' bumbling and totally useless sidekick.” Bouncing about the bed, he jumped onto the footboard before shouting. “The Power Ponies have to stop the Mane-iac or Maretropolis is doo-hoo-hoo-hoomed!”

Twilight laughed softly. “Believe me, Spike, if anypony understands what it’s like to get caught up in a really good book, it’s me. I barely got any sleep for three days after Max gave me those copies of books from his world for Hearth’s Warming.”

“You’ll get nothing more unless you cease the noise,” I groused.

“Buuut,” Twilight continued, even as she nudged me under the covers, “if we’re going to make any progress fixing up Luna and Celestia’s old castle tomorrow, we all have to do our part. We don’t want to be too tired to lend a hoof… or claw.”

“Okay, okay,” Spike huffed. “I’m going to bed.” He jumped off our bed and slowly made his way back to his basket. “Goodnight.” With that, the light clicked off and blessed darkness consumed the room once more.

“Hello darkness, my old friend,” I hummed.

“Hush, you,” Twilight said as she settled back down. There was some shuffling as she got comfortable again, and I felt her rump press up against my back. Her tail flicked out and draped over my hip. Then, there was sweet silence.

For about ten seconds.

A soft patting noise started up from the other side of the room. Twilight sighed softly before the sound of magic being used came from beside me, followed by an amused, “Fine. Two more minutes.”

“Yes!” cheered Spike, and the light clicked on again.

As the sound of turning pages filled the room once more, I growled into my pillow. “You fucking enabler…”

~ ~ ~ ~ > > < < ~ ~ ~ ~

“Alpha?” I felt something nudge my shoulder. “Alpha, up?”

Unwilling to wake up just yet, I grunted and buried my face deeper into my pillow. It was a bit chilly this morning and it was incredibly warm and comfortable beneath the blankets. It was the kind of comfortable that allowed you to hold a pee in for hours, just so you can continue to enjoy the comforts.

The poking returned.

“Nooo, fuck oooff…” I groaned.

“Alpha! Up? Alpha up now!”

My brow furrowed. There was something I was forgetting. Something important… about the individual currently shaking my shoulder. If I was more awake, I could probably figure it out, but at the moment I was fighting to return to the sweet embrace of blessed sle—

“Alpha! Up!”

That was the only warning I got before the covers were suddenly ripped off of me, exposing my body to the chilly morning air. A pair of hands latched onto my limbs and heaved.

“What the fuc—?!” I yelped as I was lifted bodily into the air and flung over Pyresteed’s shoulder. My face was pressed into her hair, flooding my nose with her natural scent—the sweet smell of petrichor mixed with the spice of citrus. Sputtering, I choked on several strands of her curly hair before managing to free my face from the trap.

“Alpha up now!” Pyresteed chirped proudly. Turning, she carried me effortlessly down from the loft and across the room. In her enthusiasm though, she bashed my head on the doorframe as we exited with a resounding crack.

Stars exploded in front of my eye as I swore. “Motherfucker!”

The ringing in my head didn’t subside until we reached the ground floor.

Entering the kitchen, I was able to smell the sweet scent of pancakes and hash browns before Pyresteed dumped my ass on the floor. As I lay there, groaning, an upside-down lavender face appeared above me. “Ah, there you are.” It retreated and I heard, “Good girl, Pyresteed!” followed by the crunch of something being eaten.

“Did… did you bribe her to go get me?” I asked.

“Yes?” Twilight’s face returned. “I wouldn’t say ‘bribe’. I just told her that if she retrieved you, she’d get a piece of apple. And she did, didn’t you?” Pyresteed’s face appeared above me as well, her jaw moving as she chewed happily. Twilight patted her head. “Good girl, Pyre.”

“You can’t treat her like a pet,” I said indignantly.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Like you don’t?”

“I don’t tell her to do a trick and then give her a treat, yes,” I said. “How could you treat her like that?”

“Easy,” Twilight said with a shrug. “Like this.” Her horn lit up and she levitated an apple slice into the air next to her. Looking at Pyresteed—who was eyeing the apple slice ravenously—she nodded down at me. “Pyresteed, sit on his face.”

With almost no hesitation, she moved tp straddle my head.

“Nope!” Rolling to the side, I quickly sat up. “No. Just fucking no!” I glared at Twilight, who was laughing as she handed the apple slice to a confused Pyresteed. “Stop doing that! You know it bugs me!”

“I would, but your reaction is always worth it,” she said as she moved back to the stove.

Giving her one last look, I got to my feet before brushing myself off. I took a seat at the kitchen table, which was already occupied by three other individuals, two of whom still looked as half-asleep as I felt.

“I don’t get it,” Ebony said as she filled her mug with coffee. “What’s the big deal with having Pyresteed sit on you? I’ve seen you sit on ponies before.” She passed the coffee pot to Avera, who would have started pouring it a few inches to the right of her mug had Ebony not corrected her with a nudge of magic.

“The difference is that I have clothes on when I do it,” I grumbled. “I still can’t get Pyresteed to wear any underwear. All she wants to wear are my shirts. Speaking of which, I swear I'm missing some. Are you fuckers taking my clothing?”

“Again, I fail to see the problem,” Ebony said, cocking her head to the side.

Sighing as they ignored the question, I reached over and pulled up the hem of Pyresteed’s shirt, revealing the topic of discussion in all its glory. She blinked in surprise and held up her arms, but other than that just stood there, chewing on her treat. After a few seconds, I let go of the shirt and let it fall back into place.

“So… her bits make you uncomfortable?” Avera asked. “That makes no sense. We ponies don’t wear clothing. I bet you’ve seen tons of marehoods since you’ve arrived. They don’t make you uncomfortable.”

“There’s a difference,” I said as Twilight’s magic placed a glass of orange juice down in front of me. “One I’m just now getting accustomed to. The other one I spent years of my puberty searching on the internet when my parents weren’t home. Of course one is going to affect me more.”

“Internet?” Ebony inquired.

I waved her off. “I’ll explain later. It’s a technology thing. Imagine a giant library you could access from anywhere, anytime.”

She gave me an aghast look at this. “A-and you used something amazing like… like that to look up pictures of… of… genitalia?!”

“Hey. What can I say?” I shrugged. “Puberty, hormones, too much alone time. It was perfectly normal. Leave me alone.” Leaning back in the chair, I took a sip of my juice. “You can’t tell me you didn’t do anything similar when you were going up.”

“Most certainly not!” Ebony insisted.

“I grew up next to a brothel,” Avera said. “I learned quickly and had plenty to gawk at.”

“As interesting as this conversation is,” Twilight said as she placed down a plate stacked with pancakes, “I don’t think it’s breakfast appropriate.” Hash browns followed next, along with a bowl of blueberries and strawberries.

I let out a sigh only for it to turn into a grunt when Twilight sat down in my lap. She wiggled about for a moment before settling back against my stomach. Her horn lit up as she snagged a couple of strawberries from the bowl. I rolled my eyes before snaking my arm around her stomach and hugging her close.

“You two are so cute together,” Avera snickered.

“Oh, go stuff yourself,” I said as I swirled my orange juice around in the glass. “You’re just jealous you don’t have a princess to snuggle.”

“I don’t know,” Avera grimaced playfully. “That kind of relationship looks like more trouble than it's worth.”

“For which party, exactly?” I asked.

She just smirked. “Yes.”

Twilight twitched in my lap. “Hey!” She glared back and forth at both of us. “I’m not the troubled party member here! Name one time that I’ve caused trouble for him.”

“Well, you did push him out the window the first day of estrus,” Avera said. She shoved a forkful of pancakes into her mouth before continuing. “That sounds like it could be an issue. I mean, normal ponies don’t just go shoving others out of windows.”

“I didn’t shove him!” Twilight squawked. “He jumped! Of his own volition!”

“You blasted him with the Elements of Harmony,” Ebony offered. “That led to a whole lot of issues.”

“That was Celestia’s idea!” Twilight countered. Twisting about, she gave me a look. “If you recall, I was against it.” With a harrumph, she crossed her forelegs and settled back against me again. “Besides, it’s also probably the only reason we figured out the Equestrian humans were intelligent. Well…” She paused and glanced at Pyresteed, who was currently chewing on a spoon. Just the spoon. No food. Just metal. “Er… somewhat intelligent.”

“She blasted me with the Elements of Harmony a second time,” I said as I took a sip of orange juice. Pausing, I then added. “Although, that blast was actually aimed at Discord, and I got caught in the middle.”

“See?! I am not the problem party here!” Twilight proclaimed triumphantly.

“Shush,” I said, pushing my finger against her nose. Her muzzle scrunched up and she went cross-eyed for a moment. She opened her mouth to offer some form of retaliation, but at that moment, a loud belch echoed around the room.

Spike—who I hadn’t seen until this moment due to him being in the corner quietly reading his comic book—let out a gout of green fire from his mouth. The flames wafted through the air before condensing into a scroll which dropped down onto an empty space on the table.

Twilight blinked. “A letter from Princess Celestia? I wonder what she could want?” Lighting up her horn, she plucked up the scroll and unrolled it before reading the contents aloud.

To Princess Twilight Sparkle,

This letter is to request the presence of the following individuals in Canterlot Castle for medical review:

1 Ms. Primrose Willowherb

1 Mr. Max the Anomaly

We would like to perform a check-up and make sure that their injuries are healing properly and require no further treatments, as well as check for any unforeseen complications that might be developing. Due to the critical/unique circumstances of their injuries, we request their presence as soon as possible. As such, a chariot has been dispatched from Canterlot at sunrise to transport the above individuals to the castle.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

Sincerely,

Spinal Tap
Royal Healer
Solar Branch

“They’re requesting our presence for a check-up?” I asked, reading over her shoulder.

Primrose blinked and raised a hoof to the bandages around her chest. “Makes sense… I guess. It’s stopped seeping as much. I suppose it would be a good idea to get it checked out, just to make sure.”

“But today?” Twilight asked. “Wait… didn’t they say…” Trailing off, she reread the letter before glancing frantically up at the clock. “If the chariot left Canterlot at sunrise, they’ll be here in less than an hour! Oh no!”

It was my turn to blink. “I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem,” Twilight stressed, “is the girls and I were planning on working on refurbishing Princess Celestia and Luna’s old castle! I can’t just cancel on them, yet this is something you two really need to go to!” She looked over at the others at the table desperately.

“Don’t look at me,” Avera said, holding up her hooves. “I have work today. Packages aren’t gonna deliver themselves.”

“I need to pick up a large order from Wallflowers’ Floral Shop,” Ebony said with a shake of her head. “There are some time-sensitive plants, so I need to be there to collect them.”

A few strands of Twilight’s mane were starting to stick out, and I could feel her twitching in my lap. Reaching down, I wrapped my other arm around her and rested my chin on top of her head. “Hey, it’s fine. You do what you need to do with the others.”

“But—”

“No buts,” I said. “Primrose and I can handle this by ourselves. It’s literally just us walking from the library to the chariot and from the chariot to the castle interior. We’ll be fine.”

“But I—”

“Your butt,” I said, reaching down and giving her flank a squeeze, right over her cutie mark. She squeaked and her wings exploded outwards with twin ‘pomf’s. Her body stiffened, and for a moment I thought I might have gone too far. Then a shiver ran down her spine and she turned to give me a half-lidded glare.

“Don’t start something you won’t finish,” she murmured in a husky voice.

“Oh, I’ll finish it,” I whispered back. “It’ll just have to wait until after I get back from Canterlot.”

“It’s a promise,” she breathed before leaning up and kissing me. I returned the favor, savoring the taste of strawberries on her soft lips. After a moment, it deepened as we both lost ourselves to the other’s presence. Nothing else mattered.

And then the moment was ruined as Pyresteed gagged, choking as she accidentally swallowed her spoon.