Your Family and You

“Um, sooo… is this all really necessary?” I asked in disbelief.

The flight from Ponyville to Canterlot had actually been more pleasant than I thought it would have. The two pegasi guards that had arrived with the chariot had helped both me and Primrose into the chariot’s bed. They made sure we were both comfortable and secure before taking off. Even then, they flew nice and slow, taking a low, scenic route in order to avoid the worst of the turbulence.

Primrose slept most of the ride, while I took the time to view the countryside below. Spring was in full bloom, and it was very clear from up in the sky. A variable sea of flowers and plantlife covered the green, grassy hills below.

It took about an hour to reach our destination. Well, maybe more like an hour and a half. I wasn’t entirely sure though, as I hadn’t checked the time before we left. Still, we arrived in the late morning just as the sun was nearing its zenith. That’s probably why both of us were a little surprised by one of the many individuals that were waiting for us in the courtyard when we touched down.

“Whatever do you mean?” Luna asked, cocking her head to the side. Her mane was a little frazzled and she had lines under her hooded, bloodshot eyes. Several cups of coffee orbited her head like tiny little satellites.

“This!” I said, motioning around us.

Luna blinked before peering around at the roughly two dozen ponies that had grouped around the chariot. Half or so were Healers, their blindfold-style masks glinting in the sunlight. Their light-colored coats stood out in stark contrast to the dark blue and violets of the Lunar Guards that accompanied them.

“And?” she asked, turning back to me.

I cocked an eyebrow. “This seems like an excessive amount of ponies to greet us just for a simple check-up,” I said as I stepped down from the chariot. Primrose followed behind me only to stumble as her back hoof caught the edge of the chariot’s bed. A pair of Healers caught her before she hit the ground.

Swearing under her breath, she readjusted her dark shades before grumbling. “Too bucking bright out.”

“Perhaps,” Luna hummed, taking a sip from one of the mugs of coffee as it orbited past her muzzle, “however, please humor us. Both of you have been through extreme ordeals and we’d like to treat each case with the care and respect it deserves. Better to use excessive force and find nothing than to use minimal and be surprised later, no?”

“Um, ‘both of us’?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure Primrose is the only one. She’s the one that had the makeshift spear jammed through her body. I thought all I had was a broken leg and some bruised ribs. How is that extreme?”

It was Luna’s turn to raise her eyebrow. “You are but one of three creatures that have had the Elements of Harmony used against them. Twice they were used on you, twice they were used on us, and thrice they were used on Discord. Each time held a different effect, so forgive us if we wish to make sure that you don’t suffer from any adverse effects from their use.”

“I suppose,” I said slowly, only to frown. “But you’re out of your mind if you think I’m riding in one of those.”

“Oh?” Luna glanced at the two wheelchairs the Healers had brought with them. “Why?”

“They’re designed for ponies,” I said. “Which means it’s uncomfortable for me. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll walk.”

“Buck that,” Primrose growled. “Wheelchair me up.” With the help of a couple of Healers, she climbed into one of the wheelchairs, practically collapsing back against the cushioned chair.

As the Healers got her situated, I turned to Luna. “So, why are you the one meeting us here and not your sister?”

“What? Are we not good enough for you?” Luna asked with a pout. When I stuck my tongue out at her, she smirked. “Tia is holding Court at the moment, and it thusly preoccupied. The Nobles have been getting a little more… vocal, ever since it came to light that the Equestrian humans are indeed intelligent.”

“They’re complaining about losing their source of fuck?”

“Neigh.” Luna shook her head. “They are complaining about losing their source of free labor. In order to continue using humans as laborers, ponies need to start offering them a currency. However, therein lies the headache.”

“I don’t understand,” I said.

“Well, you see, the norm is to pay those who do services for you in bits,” Luna explained. “Bits then can be exchanged for goods and services in return. However, humans care not for bits, so we reach a stalemate.”

“That does sound like a headache,” I said, stroking my beard. “I feel sorry for whoever needs to deal with it.”

“Indeed,” Luna said with a nod. “I do believe Ms. Heartstrings’ mane is decidedly more silver than it had been previously.”

It was at that time that one of the Healers approached us. Inclining her head to Luna, she spoke in a soft whisper that would have made Fluttershy proud. “The patient is in place, your majesty. We are ready to move to the medical ward.”

“Ah, very good,” Luna said as she glanced over at the seated form of Primrose. “Let us be off then!”

As one, the entire herd of ponies began to move. The guards took up a loose position around the group, looking more like escorts than guardians. They would check corners and hallways, but their demeanor was relaxed, almost bored. The Healers walked in the center of them, neither stumbling nor bumping into each other despite having the metal masks covering their eyes. They conversed softly together, exchanging notes on clipboards—again, despite the masks. One of them pushed Primrose along, who looked quite content to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Luna and I made our way along near the back of the group. As she walked, Luna continued to sip at her coffee mugs as they floated by. After the fifth instance of it, I gave her a sidelong look. “If you’re that tired, why are you still up? I thought you usually slept during the day.”

“Tis true that we are up later than usual,” Luna said. “But Celestia is busy and we agreed that one of us should be here to greet you. Once we’ve arrived though, we shall retire to our chamber for slumber. We might not be fully rested tonight, but it shan’t hinder our ability to hold Lunar Court and tend to our subjects’ dreams. Which reminds us!” Her horn lit up and she pulled a rounded bottle out of her mane. The cyan liquid inside glowed neon and bubbled as though it was carbonated.

“Here, drink this,” she said as she uncorked it.

I gave her a bemused look. “What is it—hurk!”

The question was still leaving my mouth when she shoved the bottle’s opening into my mouth. The liquid flooded down my throat, bringing with it the taste of blueberries and old, moldy socks. Just as soon as it started, the bottle was empty and back in Luna’s mane.

Coughing and hacking, I rubbed the back of my hand against my mouth. “What the… bluh, what was that?”

“Something that should help you in the long run,” Luna said matter of factly.

“But what was it?” I pressed.

“Don’t worry,” came the reply. “We suggested it to your assigned Healers and they approved of its use.”

“But what was it?!”

“Something that was requested for your health,” Luna tsked.

I glared at her a moment before shaking my head. “Next time, tell me what it is beforehand and let me drink it myself.” Making a face, I spit a glob of slightly-luminous saliva out a nearby open window. “God, what is with you ponies and doing things without permission first?”

“And what about the human that does things without thinking them through first?” Luna asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Touché.”

The rest of the journey passed uneventfully and it wasn’t long before we were in the medical ward, hooked up to various machines. Shirtless, I had multiple wires stuck to my chest while a Healer pressed her ear to my back, listening as I took deep breaths. A cuff around my arm was taking my blood pressure while a cloud of magic around the opposite wrist monitored my pulse.

Across the room, Primrose was hooked up in a similar fashion. The bandages around her chest had been peeled off, revealing her still-healing wound. The craters had closed further and no longer appeared to be seeping any liquids. It still looked a little tender though. She also had triple the number of Healers that I did.

As the Healers tended to us, Luna stood off in the corner, struggling to keep her eyes open. It wasn’t until she almost face-planted that one of the Healers spoke up. “Your highness. We can take it from here. You may retire if you so wish.”

“Very well,” Luna yawned. “We shall return to our chambers. Good luck, friend Max and Captain Primrose.”

“Ex-captain,” Primrose reminded her, but she was already gone in a poof of magic and stars.

I shook my head before glancing over my shoulder at the Healer currently using my back as a pillow. “So, uh… how’s it going?”

“Your lungs sound good,” she said, her furry cheek pressed against my bare skin. Her fiery-red mane cascaded about, tickling my flesh and sending goosebumps rippling across my limbs. “The airflow sounds normal. No blockage, no fluid, and no wheezing. Does it still hurt to breathe?”

I took a deep breath and held it. “Uh, no. I don’t feel any pain.”

“Good,” she hummed, pulling away. “Your ribs appear to have healed nicely. How’s the leg? Any pain or discomfort?”

“Only if I use it a lot,” I said. “It tends to be stiff though.”

She nodded while jotting something down on a clipboard held in her magic. “That’s completely normal. The stiffness will go away the more you use it. No difficulty walking though? Any awkward gaits?”

“I limp when I walk?” I shrugged.

“Hmmm, that’s not unusual, especially for a leg injury. Still, something to keep an eye on,” she mumbled. The Healer that had been checking my pulse and blood pressure passed her some paperwork, which she clipped to the board as well. Studying it, she nodded to herself. “Other than that, everything else looks good. Your blood pressure is close enough to the normal we have on record for you, courtesy of your previous guards.”

From across the room, Primrose lifted a hoof as if raising an invisible glass.

“You weren’t even there for that,” I called to her.

“Yes I was,” she shot back. “We were playing cards while Ebony and Twilight did their thing.”

“You were?” I stroked my beard for a moment. “Oh yeah! Right, right, right. You were there for the vitals. It was the Lyra event that you missed out on.” Turning back to the Healer, I gave her a smile. “Sorry, you were saying?”

Shaking her head, she continued. “Your blood pressure matches our records, as does your pulse and your temperature. Everything appears to be healing correctly. All that’s left is to get a couple of blood samples from you so we can check for any anomalies.”

“Blood samples?” Upon her nodding, I groaned. “Great, I fucking hate needles.”

“Only one needle,” she corrected. “We can pull all the samples from the same port.” She took my arm in her magic and gently extended it. As she disinfected the crock of my arm, another Healer approached with the needle and a few empty vials.

“Still hate needles,” I grunted.

The Healer gave me a deadpan look, which was impressive, seeing as she had her blindfold mask on. “You willingly—of your own volition, might I remind you—impaled a sanguinarian pegasus onto your neck so that she could feed. How are medical needles any worse?”

“Needles. Suck.”

“Whatever you say,” the Healer sighed. “It doesn’t really matter at this point. It’s already in.”

I blinked before looking down at my arm, only to find the other Healer had indeed already stuck me with the needle and had already filled a vial and a half with blood. From across the room, the sound of wheezing laughter came from Primrose.

Rolling my eyes, I leaned back in the chair as they took what they needed. Within a few minutes, the needle was out and the site was covered in a piece of cotton and a bandage strip. As the secondary Healer wandered off with the full vials, the Healer that had been tending to me helped me stand. “It’ll take a few hours for us to run the tests. We should have the results by evening, so if you just want to wait around the palace, we’ll have you discharged before the sun sets.”

“So, I’m free to go?” I asked.

“Yes,” the Healer said slowly. “So long as you return here in a few hours for the results.”

“Cool.” I glanced over at Primrose, only to find her still being examined. The Healers’ horns were glowing and the crater in Primrose’s chest was pulsing with the different colored magicks. She looked up at me with dark bags under her red eyes. A small smile touched her lips. “You can go. I’ll probably just catch up on some sleep while they’re doing this.”

“You sure?” I asked, only for her to nod. “Alright then. I’ll catch you later. I’m going to see if I can find something to eat.” Grabbing my cane, I headed for the door.

Stepping out into the hall, I closed the door behind me and was just beginning to wonder if it would be worth it to go to the kitchens to find food—and if the head chef would recognize me—when I was distracted by a door opening further down the hall. A gray pegasus stallion with a short cut brown mane stepped outside, a parcel tucked beneath his wing. A gray-green military cap was perched on his head, the black emblem of a sunrise on its front.

He turned to head off down the hall, only to do a double-take upon seeing me. Slowly, a grin spread across his muzzle.

I eyed him warily as he approached.

“Excuse me, sir, but you wouldn’t happen to be the Anomaly, would ya?” he asked.

“Maybe,” I said slowly. “Who’s asking?”

Reaching up, he tipped his cap to me. “I’m First Lieutenant Cloud Stacker, sir. And I believe there’s somepony you just have to come and see.”