Your Family and You

“So, remind me what this is for again?”

“It’s a holiday party,” Avera answered. She was propped up on the armrest of the couch, a foreleg holding her head up. The bored expression on her face contrasted with the festive party hat that rested on her head at an angle.

“Yes, but what holiday exactly?” I asked, turning my own party hat around in my hands. It was made from purple paper and had small pink starbursts across its surface. Pinkie had thrust it upon me the moment she had pranced through the door a few minutes ago, without so much as a word for what it was for.

“Buck if I know,” Avera grunted. She yawned, her six fangs flashing in the light before she smacked her lips. “It’d be great if there was some sugary food though. I need a serious pick-me-up.”

“Go make some coffee,” I said, not glancing up.

“I can’t,” came the reply.

Lowering the hat, I gave her a confused look. “What? Why can’t you? I know we have coffee. I made some for Twilight earlier.”

“Because it’s too far awaaay!” Avera whined, waving her forehooves weakly towards the kitchen archway.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, suck it up, you big baby.” Returning my attention to the hat, I gave it one last look over before shrugging and placing it down on the coffee table. Picking up the glass of orange juice I had set down there earlier, I made to sit down on the couch as well, only for a knock at the door to stop me.

“Max, can you get that, please? My hooves are a little preoccupied,” Twilight called from the kitchen, her words followed by a giggle from Pinkie.

“On it,” I sighed. Stepping around the coffee table, I shuffled to the door, orange juice still in hand. I took a swig from it before grabbing the handle.

As the door swung open, there came a startled gasp from the other side.

“Oh, darling. My goodness. Your… your hair!”

Glancing down, I cocked an eyebrow at the three mares that were standing there. Rarity had a hoof to her muzzle and Applejack had a stunned look on her face. The only one that didn’t seem affected by my change in appearance was Fluttershy, who just smiled shyly.

“What about it?” I asked, running my free hand through my now-short hair. Three pairs of ears twitched as I spoke, and Fluttershy’s smile grew a tiny bit.

“You… you cut it,” Rarity stammered. “Why in the world did you cut it? Maybe a little trim up, sure, but to get rid of most of your hair... What on Equus possessed you to do that?”

“Because it was getting too long and I wanted it shorter before the weather got warmer?” I offered, giving her a confused look. Upon glancing at the other two, I noted they were staring as well. “Why does it matter? It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”

“That may be, darling, but now it makes your facial scar stand out even more,” Rarity said, having finally composed herself again. “While shorter hair certainly makes you look more mature, along with the scar it also makes you look more… rougher, as it were. A good balance of the two would have worked perfectly, but no, you just lopped it all off instead. Like some barbarian! And you didn’t even touch your beard, which probably needed it more!”

I stared at her for a moment before rolling my eyes and stepping to the side. “Good to see you too, Rarity. Now get your flanks in here.”

“Thank you, darling,” she said as she trotted past.

“Why, thanks, sugar cube,” Applejack said as she followed Rarity inside. “Good tah see you’re doin’ alright. Haven’t seen much of ya lately, what with ya bein’ all cooped up in the library all day.” She paused while wiping her hooves off on the welcome mat. “And that’s a mighty weird accent you’ve got there, if ya don’t mind me sayin’.”

My face scrunched. “I don’t have an accent…”

“Oh goodness, yes,” Fluttershy said softly as she fluttered inside. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but the way you roll your ‘r’s, it reminds me of a kitten purring.”

“I don’t roll my ‘r’s.”

“Partner, you’re doin’ it right now.”

I studied both of them for a moment before turning my head and calling back into the library. “Oi! Twilight! C’mere!”

“What?” She poked her head out of the kitchen. “Is something wrong? What do you need?”

“Tell these two that I don’t roll my ‘r’s,” I said, gesturing towards Fluttershy and Applejack. By now, Rarity had moved further into the library and was hanging up streamers that she had pulled from her saddlebags.

“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked with a frown.

“See?” I said, turning smugly back to the pair. “I don’t roll my—”

“Of course you roll your ‘r’s,” Twilight continued as though it was painfully obvious. “You do it regardless of whether the ‘r’ is at the start of the word, in the middle, or at the end. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how you hit some of those middle ones.”

I gaped at her. “What are you talking about… no, just no. No. No, no, no. I do not roll my ‘r’s. I don’t know what you all smoked before you came over, but no. Just no. That doesn’t happen. Hell no. I’ve got a Michigander accent. It’s a lazy accent. That means that our ‘t’s sound like ‘d’s, we mash certain words together in a slurred abomination to save time, and we clip all of our hard consonants in a glottal stop. There is absolutely no ‘r’ rolling involved at all. Period.”

Twilight stared blankly at me. “Say ‘carpentry’.”

“Carpentry.”

“Now say ‘beggar’.”

“Beggar.”

“And ‘the royal regicide relay was rescheduled’.”

“The royal regicide relay was rescheduled.”

“Okay. Now say ‘tachyarrhythmia’.”

“Tacky-whatchamajigger.”

“Good. Now say ‘hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“You roll your ‘r’s,” Twilight said before ducking back into the kitchen.

I glared at where she had been a moment ago before muttering under my breath. “Roll my fucking ‘r’s. Bullshit. I’ll roll your fucking ‘r’ across the fucking floor. Don’t think I won’t.” Still grumbling, I went to shut the door only to pause. Sticking my head outside, I glanced around before looking back at the new arrivals. “Hey, where’s the prismatic one?”

“Ah invited her, but she was a little too busy reading,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes.

“If you don’t know, just say so,” I huffed, shutting the door. Draining the last of my orange juice, I limped across the room. There was a soft gasp and then Fluttershy was by my side in a flutter of wings.

“Oh no, is your leg still bothering you?” she asked. “I-if you want, I can fly back to my cottage and grab some medicine that should help with the pain.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said quickly. “It doesn’t hurt. It’s just a little stiff. I’ll be fine, thank you.” Scratching behind her ear, I moved around her and flopped down next to Avera again.

“Well, if you’re sure,” Fluttershy said hesitantly. She gave me a critical look before moving off to help the others with the decorations.

For the next half hour or so, Avera and I watched as the library was slowly transformed into a more festive atmosphere. Yellow and green streamers were hung from the ceiling and shelves, their spiral shape causing them to twist and turn in the gentle breeze that blew in through the open windows. Balloons of various colors and shapes were inflated, and most of them were tied down on several pieces of furniture, but a handful of them were allowed to wander wherever the breeze took them. That attracted Pyresteed’s attention from the upstairs, and soon she was excitedly chasing the free balloons around the library.

Partway through, Ebony wandered up from the basement and took up residence on the couch as well, watching Pyresteed as she raced around the perimeter of the room after a pair of blue and green balloons (which may or may not have had a blue aura of magic around them). When I asked her where Primrose was, she just shrugged. “Sleeping.”

The decorating complete, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy chatted happily together while also decking themselves out in stylish headgear. Rarity had a pink tiara made up of hearts, while Fluttershy had a purple top hat covered in cyan flowers, and lastly, Applejack had traded her plain, brown stetson hat for a large red one with white apples on it.

Now properly dressed, Rarity started up some party music on an old gramophone in the corner, and before long the three of them were dancing.

“Should we join them?” Ebony asked quietly as she started to get up.

“I ain’t getting up,” Avera muttered, sinking even further back into the couch.

I nodded. “My leg tells me no, and I’m inclined to listen to it.”

“Oh.” Ebony settled back down again. “Okay then.”

Eventually Twilight and Pinkie emerged from the kitchen, carrying with them cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and a large bowl of punch, which they placed down on the central table in the middle of the room. Rarity and Fluttershy moved to join them, but Applejack kept on dancing.

The sight of the food perked Avera up. “Oh, sweet mama, yes.”

“Alright, everypony!” Pinkie cheered as she pronked around the food table, her purple and gold fez bouncing with her. “The treats are ready, the punch is made, and you know what that means!”

“It’s time to eat?” Avera asked eagerly.

“It’s time to tell Max what holiday this is?” I called out.

“It’s time to party?” Ebony offered after rolling her eyes at the two of us.

“It’s time to party!” Pinkie cheered before sticking a yellow party horn in her mouth. Just as she went to blow it though, the front door burst open and in walked the walking gay pride parade.

“Heya, Twilight! Aren’t you excited that—” Her words were interrupted as Pinkie blew the party horn right in her face. Startled, Rainbow took several steps back, her eyes wide. “What the…?!”

“So glad you’ve finally made it!” Twilight said as she levitated a glass of punch over to herself. Her horn was hidden under her white party hat, so the magic made it glow like a lantern. I snickered before casting a sideways glance at Ebony.

“Don’t even think about it,” she said.

Eyeing the still dancing Applejack, Rainbow hesitantly stepped further into the library. “What’s… everypony doing here?”

“We’re having a holiday party!” Pinkie said loudly before blowing the party horn into Rainbow’s face again. Confetti exploded out of it, showering the prismatic pegasus in bits of colored paper.

Brushing the paper from her mane, Rainbow gave her an unconvinced look. “Sooo... what holiday would today be?”

“Thank you!” I cried from the couch, throwing my arms into the air and earning myself a confused look from Rainbow. “Someone else finally asked.”

“National Random Holiday Party Day! Woo-hoo!” Pinkie Pie cheered, leaping up onto her hind legs.

“I’ve never heard of it either,” Rarity said as she walked up to Rainbow. She took a sip of her drink before adding, “But the punch is quite tasty.”

Pinkie grabbed Rainbow and pulled her close. “You might say the secret ingredient is…” She peered around quickly before leaning in and whispering loudly in Rainbow’s ear. “A secret!” Smiling widely, she released Rainbow before bouncing off.

“Hey, Ebony,” Avera muttered out of the corner of her mouth. “I’m thirsty. Can you snag me some of that punch?”

“Two, please,” I added, holding up two fingers.

She gave us a bemused look. “What? Why can’t you get up and get yourselves some?”

“Because the big guy is injured and I’m lazy,” Avera answered.

“Unbelievable,” Ebony grumbled, but her horn lit up and soon all three of us were sipping away at some punch. It had a fruity taste to it—an odd blend of pineapple and blueberries. There was also a hint of spice to it, but I had no clue where that came from.

“Wait? You guys are having a party?” Rainbow asked, her ears splaying back. “How come nopony bothered to invite me?”

Applejack paused in her dancing and gave her a deadpan look. “Ah came tah invite ya personally, but it seems ya were a speck too busy readin’ the last Darin’ Do book for the twelfth time.”

Rainbow smirked as she grabbed a drink from the tray that Twilight offered to her, “Yeah, well, in three months and twenty-six days, I’ll be able to read the next one.” She went to go take a sip, only to do a spit-take at Twilight’s next words.

“Oh, haven’t you heard? The release of the next book got pushed another two months.”

“Two more months?!” Rainbow gasped, staring at Twilight aghast. “I’ve been waiting so long already! I don’t think I can take another two months! I’ll never make it!” Her legs trembled for a moment before she collapsed to the floor.

Walking up to Rainbow, Fluttershy rubbed her back. “Yeah. I can vouch for that…”

“Drama queen,” Avera muttered into her cup.

“I didn’t even know she was a reader,” Ebony said into her cup.

Looking up, Rainbow gave Twilight a hurt look. “Did they give a reason?”

Twilight shrugged. “The publisher just said author A.K. Yearling won’t be able to finish the book for another two months.” She paused for a moment before smiling. Her hat lit up again and she levitated up a tray of sweets. “Cupcakes?”

Leaning over, Avera muttered under her breath. “Hey, uh… Ebony?”

“Already on it,” Ebony sighed, her horn glowing.

Growling, Rainbow got to her hooves and glared at Twilight. “How could you possibly know that before me? I’m the series’ biggest fan!”

“I’m just as big a fan as you!” Twilight defended, unaware that the cupcake tray had left her magic and was now floating over to the couch. “In fact,” she continued, placing a hoof against her chest, “I’m the one who first introduced you to the books, remember?”

“Oh, right,” Rainbow said, grinning sheepishly.

Twilight smiled. “A.K. Yearling just might be my favorite author. I know everything about her. Where she grew up, where she studied literature, where she wrote the first Daring Do book.”

“If that’s the case, why don’t you go bug her about why she’s not writing then?” I called out from around a mouthful of cream cheese frosting. “Why let me have all the fun?”

Twilight stuck her tongue out at me, but Rainbow’s eyes lit up. “That’s it! That’s a perfect idea!”

“Wait, what?” Twilight asked.

“Don’t you get it?” Rainbow asked. “The new book is obviously delayed because she needs help dealing with whatever everyday nonsense is distracting her from spending her every living, breathing second writing!” She stamped her hoof for emphasis. “So I… I mean, fans like me, can get to read the new Book ASAP!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Think about it!” Rainbow pressed. “We could help her with her laundry, buy her groceries, cooking her meals, whatever! Now, who wouldn’t appreciate that?”

“You don’t do that for yourself!” I called from the back, earning a snicker from Avera.

“I don’t know,” Twilight said slowly, tapping her chin with a hoof. “What she probably wants most of all is respect for her privacy.”

“She could always just say no,” Rainbow shot back, throwing a wing over Twilight’s shoulder. A glance around the room showed the others were nodding their heads in agreement, smiles on their faces.

“Mmh… I suppose you’re right…” Twilight said hesitantly. Chewing on her lip, she glanced over at the couch, her eyes landing on me. It took me a second to realize what she was reluctant about.

“Don’t worry about me,” I said, raising up the punch glass. “We can hold the fort down while you’re gone. Besides, if you don’t at least attempt this, I think Rainbow might explode.”

Twilight glanced at the quivering mass that was Rainbow Dash before looking back at me. She mulled it over for a moment before sighing. “Alright, fine. We can go see if she’d like any help.”

“Woo hoo!” Rainbow cheered before zipping off.

“What should we do with all the party supplies and food?” Rarity asked. She looked around, only to find that most of the cupcakes were gone, a pile of wrappers amassing at the foot of the couch.

“Don’t worry about it,” Avera grunted, her cheeks bulging. “We’ll take care of it.”

“Alright then! Let’s go!” Pinkie said as she bounced outside after Rainbow.

As the others filed out the door after her, Twilight pointed a hoof at me. “And no drinking while I’m gone. Got it?”

Holding up my hands, I shook my head. “I swear, a drop of whiskey shall not touch my lips.”