“So, what do we have for tonight?”

The four of us were gathered around the coffee table once more. Night had fallen outside, and the only light in the library came from the dim lantern flickering above the table. Several large bags from Nacho Horn were scattered about as we enjoyed their contents. Avera was consuming her twelve taco party pack, Ebony had a couple of quesadillas, and Primrose was sinking her fangs into some extra-bean-and-cheese burritos.

I myself was digging into a large nacho bowl, loaded with extra cheese, lettuce, beans, sour cream, and salsa. The only ingredient missing was guacamole, as I didn’t want to endanger Pyresteed, who was happily munching on whatever pieces of food she could ‘steal’ from us. Given that we weren’t really defending our food—as there was more than enough to go around—it wasn’t really all that difficult for her to snag a morsel.

Taking a sip from her large soda, Ebony smacked her lips before levitating over a smallish green-black box. “Well, I found this little gem in the same store as Hail to the FUNgeon, so I figured we’d give it a try.”

“What’s it called?” Primrose mumbled. She had a burrito held in her mouth like a cat with a mouse, her fangs puncturing the tortilla shell and allowing her to suck the beany-cheesy goodness out.

“It’s called Cuckoo Changelings,” Ebony said as she studied the box. “Build a changeling army. Betray your friends. Changelings are your friends now.”

Avera grinned. “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

“Sounds like it could be a fun time,” I said. Reaching under the couch, I pulled out a squarish looking bottle with a cork stopper. A deep amber liquid sloshed about inside. “Ah, there we are. Let’s do this.”

“Hold on,” Ebony said with a frown. “I thought you promised Twilight you wouldn’t drink while she’s gone.”

“I did no such thing,” I said.

“Yes, you did,” Ebony insisted. “We were there. We heard.”

“Then you’ll remember that I said, and I quote, ‘a drop of whiskey shall not touch my lips’. This—” I pulled the cork out with a satisfying ‘thhhunk’ “—is a good ol’ fashioned bottle of spiced rum.”

Ebony glared at me for a moment before harrumphing. “Fine, but when you get in trouble, don’t expect my help.”

“I never do,” I said, only to blow a raspberry at her shocked expression.

“Wow. Rude,” she said, shaking her head. “Anyways, let’s get started, shall we?” Lighting up her horn, she opened the box and began to pull out several stacks of cards. There was a large deck with black backs and a smaller deck with green ones. Keeping both decks in her magic, she began to shuffle them while she looked over the rules. “Okay, so… here’s how to play…”

It took about ten minutes for her to explain the rules, and while they seemed complicated at first, it was actually a pretty simple game. There were five types of cards—Surprise cards, Evolution cards, Devolution cards, Charm cards, and Changelings cards (which had three subtypes as well: Nymphs, Basic Drones, and Queens). The object of the game was to be the first one to get seven Changeling cards into your Hive before the other players. During your turn, you could play a Changeling card, evolve your hive, devolve an opposing player’s hive, or play a charm card.

Ebony dealt out five cards to each of us and then we each took a Nymph card and placed it in our respective Hives. My Nymph was a white and purple one with an icy-blue background.

“So… who goes first?” I asked.

“Uh, oh!” Pouring over the rules, Ebony read for a moment. “It says here that the pony with the darkest coat goes first.” As one, everyone glanced at Avera.

“Noice,” she said with a grin. “Black coat for the win.”

"Only because my black shirt is missing," I grumbled. "Both of them."

"It said coat color, not shirt color, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway!" Avera said. Leaning forward, she drew a card before glancing over her hand. She thought for a moment before throwing down a card into her Hive. “I guess I’ll just play a Basic Drone card.”

Primrose drew a card before throwing down a Charm. “Royal Guard Patrol. Get rid of your Changeling card.” She grinned at Avera from around the burrito skewered on her fangs.

“Really? We just started the game!” Avera whined. “Why you gotta be so sweaty?”

After drawing her card, Ebony placed down a Basic Drone card. Upon glancing at it, I had to laugh upon seeing a changeling in a flannel shirt.

“These fucking pictures,” I chuckled. Drawing my own card, I considered my next move for a moment before placing down a Strobing Firefly Queen card in my Hive. “Alright, so when this card enters my Hive, I choose a player to discard a card from their hoof.” Looking at Avera, I grinned. “Discard a card.”

She gave me an affronted look. “We just started the game! Why you gotta be so sweaty too?!”

“Betray your friends,” I said. “Changelings are my friends now.” Taking the lid off of my drink, I pour a good measure of rum into my cola. Upon seeing Ebony giving me the stink eye, I offered her the bottle. “If I give you some, will you stop being so stuck up?”

She held her composure for a moment before caving.

“Fine,” she grunted, grabbing the bottle with her magic, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” As she poured some in her own drink, Avera took her turn.

“I’ll place a Basic Drone card in my Hive. Hopefully, I’ll actually get it to stay in there this ti—”

“Buzzed,” Primrose grunted, slapping the red card down. “Stop playing and discard your Basic Drone.”

“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, eh?” Avera hissed, her eyes narrowing as she glared at the bat pony. “Fine. Two can play that game.”

“As if,” Primrose said. Giving the burrito one last suck, she sucked the drained tortilla shell into her mouth and chewed. “I’d like to see you try. If I recall correctly, you Coming Dawners weren’t even at the Wedding, so you don’t know the first thing about handling Changelings.”

“Only because we were protecting your Princess,” Avera grunted. “What was it you Lunar Guards were doing again? Sleeping, was it?”

“That’s what nocturnal creatures tend to do during the day, yes,” Primrose replied nonchalantly. “Had we known that the Solar Guards, the Coming Dawn, and the Battlemages wouldn’t have been enough to handle a few bugs, we would have stayed up late to help out.”

“Please don’t drag me into this,” Ebony said quickly.

“I wasn’t there,” I said as I stuffed more nachos into my mouth. Chewing, I watched out of the corner of my eye as Pyresteed’s hand ever so slooowly appeared from below the armrest, reaching for the tacos on the side table next to Avera. The pegasus was too focused on the conversation, and thus lost two of her tacos.

Happy crunching came from behind the couch a moment later as the predator enjoyed the fruits of her hunt.

“Can we just get back to the matter at hoof?” Ebony asked.

“Fine,” Primrose said. Picking a card from her hand, she placed it in her Hive. “I play a Buggy-Driving Bug Queen card. This lets me draw two cards, but I have to discard one.” She did as the card instructed before picking up another burrito and sticking her fangs in it.

Drawing a card, Ebony placed a Basic Drone down in her Hive.

“So, how many Changelings do we need in our Hive again to win?” I asked as I drew my own card.

“Seven,” Ebony answered.

“Ah, okay.” Picking out a card, I placed it in my Hive. “I’ll play a Behemoth Queen card. It counts as two Changelings.” I smiled, pleased with myself. “That means I have three. Only four to go!” Reaching down for my nacho bowl, I paused as my hand grasped thin air. There came a soft crunch from behind me, and upon peering behind the couch, I found my nacho bowl.

Already half-eaten by a certain human.

“You bitch,” I said, my eyes narrowing.

Pyresteed just blinked up at me innocently, her cheeks full of cheese and beans and lettuce.

I glared at her for a moment before sighing. “You’re lucky that I have more.” Flopping back down, I grabbed one of the many Nacho Horn bags and pulled a second nacho bowl from its depths.

As I started in on it, Avera took her turn. Chuckling darkly, she slapped a Devolve card down on Primrose’s Hive. “There ya go! Purging of the Hive. Every turn, you need to sacrifice one Changeling card from your hive if you have them. Take that!”

Primrose gave her a bored look before playing a red card. “Buzzed. Get that shit out of here.”

“Mother bucker!”

~ ~ ~ ~ > > < < ~ ~ ~ ~

Forty-five minutes later and we were still going at it. By now, most of the food had been eaten and what was left went untouched, even by Pyresteed, who was lying on her bed and holding her swollen stomach as she snored softly. The others had joined me and Ebony in drinking, and we were working through our third rum bottle.

Instead of food, the table was now littered with the gory signs of a great Changeling war. Dozens of Evolve and Devolve cards cluttered up our hives, each one doing its best to hinder and help the Hive’s owner. The discard pile was stacked high with the fallen remains of those that had been lost.

Fighting tooth and nail, we all had managed to get at least five Changelings into our Hives and keep them there. The only exception was Avera, who somehow snuck six Changelings into her Hive without somebody stopping her. One more Changeling card and she would win.

Which was probably why Ebony was taking so long with her turn.

Chewing on her hoof, her eyes darted over her cards while she muttered to herself. “I can’t play that. Her Nullstone Throne Evolve will block it. I can’t put that in my Hive. Max’s Wasteland Devolve prevents that.” Peering around the table one last time, she hesitantly placed down a card. “I play Love Poiso—”

“Buzzed!” Avera slapped the red card down. “No card playing for you!” She giggled drunkenly to herself, her face flushed. “Now it’s just the big guy’s turn, and then I win.” Turning to Primrose, she smirked. “Looks like I win.”

“We’ll see,” Primrose said, but sounded uncertain.

“Whatcha got, big guy?” Avera asked me.

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I stared down at the two cards left in my hand. My gaze slowly drifted over the table, taking in all the cards in play, before I sighed heavily. “Eh, I don’t know, guys. I’m just not feeling this game anymore,” I said.

The three of them blinked at me in confusion.

“Maybe,” I continued, “maybe… we should just start over? What do you say?” Grabbing one of the cards, I placed it down on the table. “Wedding Crashers, bitches! All cards are discarded and the discard pile is then shuffled back into the deck!”

“B-buzzed!” Avera stammered, quickly slapping down a red card in a panic.

“Super Buzz!” I countered, slapping down my last card. “Buzzed your Buzz card, and you can’t buzz me back! Get rekt scrub!”

“You son of a whore!” Avera screamed as she stood up and slammed her forehooves on the table. “How long were you holding onto that card?!”

“From the beginning, bitch!” I cackled. “From the very beginning. You never had a chance of winning!”

“An hour of playing and now we’re back to square one,” Ebony mumbled in stunned awe. “No, even worse than square one, because we still have our shitty hands.” Slowly, she turned to stare at me with a blank, unfocused gaze. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? What you just did?”

“Yup!” I grinned. “Shuffle up the cards, gals. You know the rules of game night. No one leaves until someone wins.”

“B-but… we haven’t even finished a round yet. And it takes two to win!” Ebony squeaked. “That means… that means we could end up potentially playing seven rounds!”

“We best get started then,” I said with a smirk. Lifting the rum bottle to my lips, I drained the last few inches with several long gulps before belching loudly.

“We’re gonna need more booze too,” Primrose grunted.

Ebony sighed. “This is gonna be a long night.”

Author's Note

Ten points if you can guess what Cuckoo Changelings is based on. And another 10 if you called the fact that Max was just going to drink another non-whiskey based alcoholic drink (which was most of you).

Too bad everything's made up and the points don't matter.