Chapters Fallout: Equestria - Microfiction
“Best friends? No. I think they’re lovers.”
“I see.”
“Don’t look so glum. There’s plenty of grass in the forest.”
“Like who?”
“Me.” Our eyes met, and it was like we saw each other for the first time, but he broke the spell and broke my heart.
“You’re the skeletal remains of a pony, animated by dark magics to continue moving even after death. I don’t even understand how you can speak.” He shuddered. “No thanks.”
———
Best friends. As if. The ghouls appeared and she booked it out of here. Now I was stuck in a fridge in the middle of the wasteland, with the air quickly turning stale and ghouls scratching at the outside of the fridge while I held the door shut.
Some best friend she turned out to be.
———
“Best friends help each other. Best friends fight for each other. Best friends die for each other.” She tipped the beer back, finishing the dregs.
“I’m no kind of friend at all.”
———
“Best friends?” asked Pinkie haltingly. Tears pooled in her eyes as they wavered and widened. “I’ve never had a best friend before.”
———
“Best friends forever?”
“Forever.”
Blackmane choked back a sob as he pulled the trigger, spattering Westword’s blood, brains, and skull over himself and the rubble that pinned the pegasus. Eyes closed, he lifted the gun to his own head.
One.
Two.
“Fuck.”’ He lowered the gun and walked off, never looking back.
———
Best friends. Giselle called them that when ordering the hit. The way they rolled on the ground said otherwise. It looked like they’d do the job for me.
Click. “Raise your hands real slow.”
I complied.
“You’re probably wondering why I ordered you to kill those two.”
“The question had crossed my mind.”
“What do you know about changelings?”
———
“Best friends doesn’t mean you need to sleep with each other.” Chaser waved a hoof dismissively.
“But it doesn’t mean we can’t.” Two Bit leaned over, kissing Johns’ neck.
“Just—argh!” Chaser grabbed his bag and headed off. “Come on. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today.”
“I dunno, boss,” said Johns. “We already covered a lot this morning.”
“Not what I meant!”
“Let’s go,” said Two Bit, bumping rumps with Johns. “We finish this job and you can buy that horn ring for your girlfriend.”
“Yeah,” said Johns, eyes lingering on Two Bit as she sauntered after Chaser.
———
“Best friends? After you stole my business?”
“Get over yourself. You couldn’t control costs, and I underbid you. You know I’ve got a job for you whenever you want, so it’s not like you’ll be starving.”
“I earned that contract!”
“You earned a pile of debt, and now it’s come due. You’re the best tracker I know, but you’re terrible with the business side of things.”
He bucked, putting a hole in the wall of the cramped office, and turned to leave, trying to hide his fresh limp.
———
“Best friends? I’ve never had best friends before.” Candy Cane wiped away a tear. “Thanks Mr…”
“Muffin Stuff Fillies. Just Muffin works.”
“Ok Mr. Muffin. What should we play?”
“Hide and seek. I’ll tell you where I am. You figure out how to open the door.”
“Like a puzzle?”
“Exactly. You know where the atrium is?”
Candy Cane nodded. She waited. “Oh, yes Mr. Muffin.”
“Good. There’s a big, round door there. That’s where I am. Listen carefully. I’ll give you some clues on how to open it. First: it only opens if there’s just one pony in the room—you.”
———
“Best friends are rare in this world. Folks would as soon betray you as befriend you. The wasteland turns good intentions into good grief. See Stompy?” I pointed at the peg-legged stallion two tables over and nodded. “Saved my life a dozen times.”
“I see.”
“You don’t. I earned a bounty on my head, and he came after me. I put a bullet through his leg while escaping.”
“At least you didn’t kill him.”
“I was aiming for his head.”
His knife slipped across my belly, and I fell bleeding to the floor. “Maybe he’ll be my friend.”
———
“Best Friends? I thought you were…”
“Lovers? No.”
“Do you think…”
“Not the time!”
“Sorry.” Cave-in tipped his head. “Over there. Maybe we can lose them in the trees.” He veered off the road.
Wordsmith glanced towards him and veered to follow. She barrelled past as he stopped to look back.
“Hah! The bloodwings are veering off.” He turned, peering deeper into the forest. “Words?”
She called to him, unseen. “That thing you said about your luck? You were right.”
“Huh?” He felt a tap on his rump and turned, finding himself surrounded by spear-wielding deer. “Figures.”
———
“Best friends? I barely know you.” Brass pushed aside the hoof and walked on, leaving a dumbfounded Lower Branch outside the school.
“Lowe! You’ve got to see this!”
Lower Branch turned to see Fixed Point approaching, waving a newspaper. She shoved it in his face and stopped, panting to catch her breath while he read the headline:
Celestia Tours FrontlinesThe former ruler visited the sick and injured at hospitals near the war front last week.
“Former ruler? Something changed! We need to go back and fix it.”
“The spell only works once!”
———
Best friends of monsters share in their blame. Guilt by association. It got worse, until I couldn't take it.
I thought I could escape my problems by leaving, but it's like they say. Wherever you go, there you are. The problem wasn't my friends—it was me making the same choices over and over.
That's how I found myself in Junction, jailed for associating with terrorists. We had the best intentions, but it's like my friend says. Writes? Whatever. I just don't know what went wrong.
———
”Best friends? We were. Until Cash Bonus came after us. Everything changed. Now we hardly speak.”
Really? signed Speakeasy. Be serious.
”What's she saying?” asked Hot Hoof.
Backstage teared up as her voice broke. ”That she'll never forgive me for the shrapnel that took out her voice.” She sniffled. ”Excuse me.”
Speakeasy shoved Backstage gently as she stood to walk off. Jerk .
”I'm sorry about your voice. I'm sure she didn't mean for you to get hurt.”
Speakeasy rolled her eyes. Standing, she hooked his hoof, tugging.
”Where are we going?”
Even he could understand the sign she made next.
———
”Best friends until death?”
”After the pink cloud took us, she's never been the same, while I haven't changed.”
Lady snarled and snapped at Doc Office, as if to illustrate the point, but the collar held her away.
”They do say to die doing what, or who, you love.”
”I got sick of hearing that after the first few decades.”
”Sorry, Spot. Let's get you two into the MRI machine and figure out how to separate you.”
———
Best friends—what wouldn’t they do for each other?
Jail time, apparently.
He got off with time served and one year probation. I’m serving ten to fifteen because he flipped. I’m not the only one.
We know a guy getting out next month. I’ll get my revenge while I’m still here. He’ll be dead and I’ll be free one day.
Maybe. This lockdown has gone on a long time…
———
Best friends—beats the alternative. My smile is genuine. “That's great, OmniCalc. Cutting back rations on half of the population.” It drops. “By how much?”
“Seventy-eight percent.”
“Seventy—seems excessive.” I fiddle with my collar. The servers run hot.
“You are in the test group.”
“But I’m your best friend! You don’t want anything happening to me.”
“Eighty-six percent rations increased lifespans by almost ten percent. Forecasts show this change will increase lifespans by almost ninety percent.”
“It doesn’t work that way.”
“I feel attacked. Aren’t you my friend?”
Eyes closed, I hang my head. “Yeah, Omni. I’m your friend.”
———
“Best friends. I feel like I’m vibrating with energy now.”
“Definitely. I can detect the hum from the vibrations.”
Click.
“Maybe we should figure out how to untie ourselves and escape before that timer runs out.”
“Ya think?”
———
“Best friends isn’t enough for me.”
This wasn’t what I wanted. We’d be friends forever. Adventure, daring rescues, gallantry. That was our destiny. I wanted to cry. I fled.
My last thing I said to him was “I’m sorry. I don’t love you that way. You’re my best friend, and that’s enough for me.” I left, thinking he’d cool down and we could get back to work. Intellectually, I know that it’s not my fault, but I still blame myself.
He put a bullet in his brain, but died of a broken heart.
———
“Best friends? How could she do that to me.”
“Sucks to be friendzoned.”
“At least she’ll still sleep with me. What? Don’t give me that look. I wanted more from our relationship. Hey! Why are you walking off? I’m in real pain here. I need emotional support.”
Fallout: Equestria - Microfiction
F***ing Pegasi
”Fucking pegasi.” Nutmeg dabbed her eyes with a hoof. ”You're making me cry.”
Star Storm set the last crate on the floor and leaned against it, panting, while the foals munched on cloud radishes from the first crate. ”Just doing my part, ma'am. We in the volunteer corps are trying to make up for years of neglect. I hope it helps.”
———
”Fucking pegasi?” Stabby walked to the door, sticking his head outside and spying the aid station they'd established down the way. ”No shit.”
———
”Fucking pegasi?” Stocks stabbed the meat, lifting it high in a toast and smiling at the other raiders. ”More like forking pegasi.”
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Nightfall watched them disappear behind the clouds, then turned to the smoldering remains of his home.
———
”Fucking pegasi!” Rocking back and forth, Galen's tears fell freely on the small, cold corpse.
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Beetroot looked up at the pair, wiping the sticky substance from her mane.
———
“Fucking pegasi. On the right.” Pinkie Pie’s voice played through the earbud connected to my pipbuck. I’d found them while scavenging. Rather, they found me, the gift box exploding as I entered the room. It was just Auntie Pinkie being Pinkie.
She called herself Auntie, claiming a relation through my distant ancestor Marble Pie. Pinkie now guided me from the past. I crept past the pegasi and continued down the hallway.
“The door is on the right. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Pinkie.” I opened the door, finding needles on the floor and, on a cot in the corner, my sister.
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Saber tromped to the door, furious tears soaking her cheeks. Pausing, she turned to face them. Her voice gravel as she choked back sobs. ”They were dying,” she said, pointing a hoof at nothing in particular, ”and I was fucking pegasi.” She swung her hoof dismissively and stormed out, slamming the door.
Fisher looked at Blackflower, catching her gaze. ”I'll go after her.”
———
Fucking pegasi filled the nightclub, writhing and twerking to the music as the strobes showed brief glimpses of the unending carnal party as celebrants streamed in and out throughout the day with nary a care for the suffering of the wasteland below until the wasteland came to them.
I was there when the first shots ended the life of my lover as his chest exploded, showering me with blood while the party continued around me. Continued until the next volley killed the speakers, and the screams of the victims drowned the sounds of passion.
———
”Fucking pegasi do what with their wings?”
”Oh my gosh, Cut Throat, stop eavesdropping. We're having a private conversation here.”
”Then maybe don't sit by the fire with everypony and speak loudly enough for even the slaves to hear?” He gestured at the huddled mass in the distance.
”No! It's cold enough to freeze my nipples off. Now mind your business and shut your face”—she drew a knife—”or I'll shut it for you.”
With a flash of light, she turned to a pile of ash. Cut Throat glanced to the sky. ”Shit. It's—”
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Extended all the way, the pole didn’t reach. He stood on his tippy-hooves before tossing the pole and falling to his rump.
It missed, falling with a clatter to the road below.
“Whatcha doin, Hoss?”
“Like you don’t know.” He retrieved the pole and tossed it, missing again.
“How’d your hat get up there?”
Hoss turned, glaring.
“Well.” Jay stretched his wings. “I gotta run some supplies to Junction. Good luck getting your hat down.”
———
”Fucking pegasi! That's who!” Rain Volley flared his wings. ”So have fun crawling in the irradiated mud. We'll be busy maintaining civilization.” With leap and a flap, he caught the wind.
Moonstaff rolled her eyes. ”Fucking pegasi.”
———
”Fucking pegasi!” Dark Moon's plans had crumbled around him. ”They've shattered my armies and torn down my walls, but I'll have my revenge.” He closed his eyes, inhaling. Green flames flickered from their edges and stained the whites when he opened them. ”Rise, mighty dragon. Rise!” A green bolt shot from his horn, striking the behemoth with coruscating green flames.
The giant dragon's eye opened. The eyeball was gone, its fluids staining the dragon's face. A green glow shone from the empty socket.
”Abrabax, we ride to victory, or to death!”
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Shadowfox shoved Twister against the wall. ”You almost got us killed.” Inches separated their faces.
Missile Swarm put a hoof on Shadowfox's shoulder. ”Calm down. We made it out.”
He shrugged off the hoof, but backed away. ”We're done.'' He pointed at them in turn. ”After we collect our caps, I don't want to see you two again.”
———
”Fucking pegasi.”
”Uh, darlin. Not sure if you noticed this, but uh. You're a pegasus.”
September Rain glared at him.
”Right. I'll just be over here cleaning my gun if you need me.”
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Geirmund stared into his beer.
“I don’t disagree, but how’s that relevant to my stable?”
Geirmund sighed. “Your story about the Steel Rangers reminded me of home.”
Verbena took a draft, then looked up at Geirmund. “Oh?”
Geirmund downed half the contents of his stein and set it back on the table. He looked Verbena in the remaining eye. “I was twelve when they came. They took everything. Our mountain. My home.” He took another draft. “My parents.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He pointed a talon. “We’ll reclaim our home eventually. I’ll finally visit their graves.”
———
”Fucking pegasi are the best. We fly, walk on clouds, make it rain, and shoot lightning.”
”Unicorns can do all that and more. Telekinesis, teleportation, clairvoyance. I could go on.”
”Yeah, but it's not like you can do all those things. When was the last time you self-levitated? Never. All you can do is telekinesis and cold.”
”As a species, unicorns are more versatile.”
Gerald cocked the guns he had pointed at the backs of their heads. ”Don't forget claws.”
”Griffons are the best.”
”Yep. I agree.”
———
”Fucking pegasi took our homeland, and it's time to take it back! Who's with me?!” Gina pumped her fist in the air and looked expectantly at the crowd. She frowned. ”I said, who's with me!?”
A claw shot up.
”You should follow Gandalf's lead, you cowards.”
”Um, actually,” said Gandalf, ”I just had some questions.”
”Uh, sure. Ask away.”
”What's in it for us?”
”Well—”
”Yeah, what do we get?”
”Our homeland, and pride.”
”Pride don't pay bills!”
”Uh…”
”What about contracts? Are you purchasing them from our current employers?”
”No?”
Amidst grumbles, the crowd turned to leave.
———
”Fucking pegasi.” Chai stared at the cloud cover expanding from the needle-like towers. “They’re just going to abandon us?”
“Ignore it. We have more-pressing concerns. Cover me while I try to flank them.”
Chai looked back to his friend. “Right.” He kicked, chambering a round. “For Luna.”
“For Equestria.” Creamer darted out of cover as Chai aimed at the zebra hidden in the rubble.
———
”Fucking pegasi.” The upended sky-tank pinned Brightly Burning to the rubble. He wrapped it with magic and lifted, but it didn’t budge.
A uniformed pegasus opened the side hatch—currently pointed to the sky—and climbed out. “Damn it. There goes my chance of a promotion this year.”
“Help me.”
The pegasus glanced over the edge of the tank, spotting Brightly. “Hey, are you alright?”
“What do you think?”
A flash from a raptor’s main gun filled the sky. The pegasus glanced up at the battle. “I’d love to stay and help, but—the battle.” He took to the sky.
Brightly wept.
———
”Fucking pegasi!” yelled Ansible from the other room. ”The fucking pegasi are here!”
I knelt to peer skywards from between the boards that covered my window, but a ghoul slammed against them, sending me to my ass. A board shook lose on one side, and his hoof reached through to me. I scrambled back and lifted my gun. Before I could fire, the ghoul turned to dust with a flash of light, and I saw them now through the larger gap. Angels in black, come to save us.
Fallout: Equestria - Microfiction
Author's Note
AN: This first entry is a guest submission by A Bloodthirsty Unicorn from September's Microfiction Challenge . Doomande is running these microfic event s monthly right now, so check it out and contribute.
Stop
— 0 ———
"Stop!"
Everyone froze, turning to look at Thunderheart.
"Don't hurt him, He's a friend."
I glanced from him to the mass of metal and feathers that might have once been a griffon. Shadow looked disgusted.
"This pathetic creature is your friend?"
The steel ranger nodded, turning to face the group.
"Yes, he is. And Fizgig here is going to help us get out of this hellhole we’ve found ourselves in."
— 1 ———
“Stop it,” said Two Bit, gently pushing Johns from her neck. “I heard something.”
“There’s nothing out here but radscorpions, and they’re not active this time of day.” He leaned in.
Two Bit pressed a blade to his throat and listened. “Alright,” she said finally, storing the blade. “You can kiss me now.”
— 2 ———
“Stop fighting me. Open up!”
“No!”
Foxtail groaned. “Why make this so hard?”
Chains put a hoof on Foxtail’s shoulder. “Let me.”
“Fine,” said Foxtail. “Let’s see you do better.”
Chains took the spoon and dish from Foxtail as she retreated to watch. “Okay,” he said. “Open up for daddy.”
Daisy Chain frowned at her papa.
Chains tickled her as he swung the spoon wide. “Here comes the sky tank.” As she giggled, he landed the spoon in the hangar.
Daisy’s mouth closed. Her eyes widened.
“See. Easy Peasy.”
Foxtail smirked. Daisy blew. Chains wiped the food from his face.
— 3 ———
“Stop. Let me see if I got all those names." She pointed a hoof at each of the Steel Rangers in turn. "Crumpets, Scones, Muffins, and… Foal Crusher?"
"I go by Chuckles."
"Mmhmm. Of course you do."
— 4 ———
“Stop making advances if you won’t follow through, White Knight.”
“Now what makes you think I won’t, Thornberry?”
Thorn pushed his reaching hoof away. “I’m wondering if you’re straight. You’ve been flirting for weeks, but shut me down whenever I try to kiss. What the hoof’s your problem?”
White stared at the dirt, spinning his hoof into a depression. “Nothing.”
Thorn reached over, lifting White’s face. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”
White pulled away. “Raiders shot my first coltfriend in the head. We were kissing. His face appears every time you get close.”
“I see. These things take time.”
— 5 ———
“Stop poking me.”
Otter turned his head to face Corwin’s, then quickly looked down, pulling his hoof away and folding his ears. “Sorry. You’re just so soft.” He looked up. “What are you?”
“Yak.”
“Never heard of yaks. Where are you from?”
Bemusement turned to sorrow, and Corwin closed his eyes. “I don’t know. Slavers…” He stifled a sob and felt the little pony’s embrace, leaning into it.
“You’re among friends now,” said Otter, stroking Corwin’s mane. “We’ll find your home together.”
Peg Leg approached. “I freed the others while you made a pass. Let’s bail before Stern’s reinforcements arrive.”
— 6 ———
”Stop flavoring my Rad-Away. I like it fine pain.”
”Plain.”
”That's what I said.”
”It's not Rad-Away.”
”What?”
”I've been giving you flavored water.”
”What? Why? I'll die! Oh Celestia. I feel the radiation sickness creeping through my limbs.”
”You can’t.” She sighed. ”Safety Gear, I've been humoring you for months, but no more. You need a psychiatrist, not a nurse.”
”You think I’m hypochondriac? Look at this hair! You think I’m making these symptoms up?”
”No, Safety. Not making up symptoms. Misdiagnosing them. You don't have hypochondria or radiation sickness. I keep telling you. You're a ghoul.”
“…What?”
— 7 ———
“Stop hammering.” Voodoo Ranger tilted his head.
Stopping, Lucid Cow looked up.
The banging sound continued.
They looked down. A ghoul hammered mindlessly on the building frame.
Gulping, Voodoo looked to his gun—beside the ghoul, within its reach. He winced as Lucid’s hammer flew past the ghoul, smashing through the table.
The ghoul turned to the commotion, then followed the arc of the hammer’s flight to face Lucid as Voodoo fell on it from behind, smashing his own hammer into its head repeatedly until it was a pulpy mess.
“Thanks, mate. Bring that gun when you come back up.”
— 8 ———
“Stop posting lewd poetry.” Overmare Rank huffed, shaking her head.
“Who, me?”
Rank raised an eyebrow.
“Being about you doesn’t mean I posted it.”
Pressing a button, she started a video feed on a monitor behind her.
“Fake.”
Another button, and speakers emitted a foal’s voice.
“After reading it, Teacher Trip pinned it on the board and had us write one.”
“Mea culpa. What now?”
“First, apologize to every parent of those foals.”
He sighed.
“Then, demonstrate what’s in this poem.”
Trip smiled. “Yes, Overmare.” He skipped out the door.
Rank smirked, lifting the poem to read again.
— 9 ———
“Stop. Trespassers will be disintegrated,” it said. I jumped out of my skin at the sound of the ultra-sentinel coming to life.
Good thing it was tipped over. And stripped of tracks. And weapons.
— 10 ———
Stop scratching. Easier said than done. I didn’t stop until Dust Shine slathered my legs with a cream that made my skin tingle.
“And what have we learned today?”
“That you’re always willing to help out when I’m in trouble?”
He shoved me against the bed. “Try again, and if you get it wrong, you don’t get more when it wears off.”
I sighed. “Fire ants are small, but they’re as bad as rad scorpions.”
