NONE OF IT MATTERS

Yogi bear tried to eat Hajime’s leg but she was still that scissor robot thing. Hajime woke up, screamed and then ran away.

“Curse you, Hajime Ichinose!” cried Yogi Bear.

He then committed suicide.

The CoUS forces had been absolutely demolished but someone called in an airstrike that wiped out the entire counter revolutionary squad. Hajime, to be honest, didn’t really care about a bunch of pastel coloured ponies fighting a conflict she wasn’t particularly interested in. She vamoosed the fuck outta there.

Meanwhile, Luna and Celestia were having consensual sex. A guard barged through the door.

“Hajime Ichinose has gone rogue!” he cried.

He then went bug-eyed and vomited because of the incest occurring before him. Because of that, Celestia exploded his head (Scanners style). She tried getting back to her love making but Luna was already back to playing Mario Kart 8 on her Nintendo Switch. Celestia then used her magic to bring herself a FAT ASS Cuban cigar. She then magically lit it and smoked the fuck out of it.

“Luna, be a dear and open up the airstrike app once again. It appears we need to bomb more civilians. You know what, I’m feeling generous so you can download the white phosphorous and agent orange DLC with my money,” said Celestia.

Hajime was walking through the grassland surrounding Ponyville when she started reminiscing about all the times she smoked weed and listened to Lustra’s Scotty Doesn’t Know with her friend Sugane. They had intercourse at one point and it was cool. Suddenly, Minecraft Steve showed up and started attacking Hajime. Hajime dabbed so hard that Steve was blown back.

“Do you even watch Richard Kelly, bro?” she asked.

“No,” said Minecraft Steve with shame, “I only watch Tarantino,”

Hajime then continued on her journey to a place not inhabited by sociopaths.

A whooshing sound was heard from behind her. A missile was making its way to her! Suddenly, Rian Johnson piloting the EVA 1 mech suit punched that missile so hard it split in two and EXPLODED! Rian picked up Hajime and asked her if she wanted to join him in New Texas. She nodded and Rian apologised for making The Last Jedi so mediocre and bland.

Twilight had now defected to the side of the CoUS. There had been no logical arguments from Rarity. This was because pony society had censored its own history and thus the anti-fascist side of the pony political aisle had rested on its laurels. They were not vigilant about whether such an uprising could happen again. The con artists at the heart of the unicorn supremacy movement took full advantage of this to dupe the gullible and weak-minded. Twilight had received her blue unitard and flat cap.

Colin Trevorrow was now a pony living in New Texas. Colin explained that the atmosphere turned humans into ponies and that it was painful due to the changes in skeleton structure. New Texas was a neutral state where the national dish was KFC chicken fillets and Arizona Iced Tea.

“None of that American crap that makes you fat, mind. Only the European version. Government regulation when it comes to food is what allows Europeans to not be obese as people are too dumb to make healthy choices on their own,” said Colin.

TO BE CONTINUED...